Pouring Love into others unconditionally with Nichole Harrop

Hear about Nichole Harrop's inspiring story and journey of resilience, compassion, and empowerment. From overcoming adversity at an early age to finding her calling in empowering others, Nichole's story is a testament to the power of finding strength and meaning in our trials and tribulations. 

Listen as we hear how to pour love and encouragement into others and the effect it has everyone involved. 

Transcript

 my mom called me and I was just about to leave work. And she was like, , if you're driving, I need you to pull over. I need to talk to you about something. And in that moment, I thought she was going to tell me  she had cancer or she was dying.

 Right.  And she told me that the FBI had just raided our house  

 Welcome to The Path Worth Taking, where we dig deep into the stories of real people, sharing the wisdom they've gained through life's triumphs and trenches. Join us to discover how to increase meaning and fulfillment in your life.

  Welcome back everyone  I am your host, Ariel, here with my co host Craig today. Craig, we have an all star with us in our midst. 

Who do we have with us here today? Craig.   Nicole, throw your hair up. I pronounced hair up. Sorry. But that's what she said. And I thought that was brilliant. Nicole hair up. I think the first time we officially met, we didn't speak to each other, right? It was at the LinkedIn conference.

Ariel, you were there. You were there. It was after the Silicon Slopes event. That was the first time you guys met?  And yeah. And we didn't even meet. We just looked at each other from across the room I know this person. And then we finally just connected. Yeah.  Then we just connected the dots and went for it, but 

nicole, feel free to add anything you want after this.  Nicole has led different teams over the past 12 years. She loves teaching and training, which is why she has primarily worked with entry level employees, entry level roles.  Nicole has experienced many ups and downs in her career, which I'm sure we'll hit on some of those.

Which eventually led her to launching her own podcast.  Which is in the top 1 percent of all podcasts. Nicole, remind me what the name of the podcast is. I should know this and I'm sorry. You're okay. It's called future female leaders.   Oh, that's why every time I hear it, I feel like I'm not allowed to listen to it.

But I know that is not the case. I know we've talked about this before. No, it's awesome. You've had some really cool people on And  she launched her own podcast and then she also created a program to develop coach Leadership entry level team members who  want to grow in their career grow into leadership roles  Awesome development and she still does that and we'll probably get into more of that.

I'm sure later, too, or maybe not. But if not, we'll hit it at the end because I think it's important to go and find some of her stuff because it's packaged beautifully and ready to rock and roll and really to help your teams grow before they need leadership development experience, right? We're going to get it to him before they need it and then help them grow along their career.

So I just love it.  Personally, she's been married for 10 years. and has two young daughters. She loves to snowboard, play board and card games with family and friends, and go camping. Nicole, where  favorite camping spot you've ever been to in your entire life?  Oh man, entire life. I mean, really growing up Logan Canyon, we just loved camping so often because it was really inexpensive and our family was quite poor.

, that was like where all the memories were at. But more recently we love going to Fish Lake every year here in Utah and get out there for a whole week. And again, it's fun because we have all the extended family in one huge campsite. And it's a good time.   And what week is that again?

So that Ariel and I can meet up there and I'm just kidding.  If Nicole, the type of person that she is.

She gives first, always, and in every way, shape, and form.  She's one of the most authentic people  you can have a conversation with it's just it's beautiful and she's helped us in launching this podcast and and just helped us in so many ways answer questions that were probably really stupid and she didn't make us feel stupid Which is also another cool thing that amazing people like her do so Nicole anything else to add to this beautiful intro of yours? 

I think you summed it up. Thank you so much. No, that's great.  Nicole, how old are your daughters? Six and four. Penelope is six and Charlotte is four.  Penelope. That has to be one of the great names of all time. I love that name. Do you call her, does she go by something for short? Yeah, we call her Penny is probably her preferred and her middle name is Joe.

So I call her Jojo a lot, which I get confusing looks at daycare when I pick her up and I'm like, come here, Jojo. And they're like, wait, what we thought her name was Penny. So we call her a couple of things, but she prefers Penny.  I love it.  What do you call her when you're angry at her though? Oh, definitely Penelope Jo. 

And she does the same to our youngest when she's not happy with her.  Charlotte James, . I thought you were going to say she does the same with you or she's Nicole.   We're not there yet, but I would not be surprised.  That's great. Well, we are so lucky and so excited to have you on today. Thanks for making the time.

I know our listeners are excited as well.  If you're all right, we're going to jump right in. So  Nicole,  if you were to describe yourself in third person to somebody, or if you were to pretend like you were your closest friend, they were describing to somebody else, how would they do it? 

Yeah, that's a really good question. I would say Nicole cares about relationships first and foremost.  She always wants to get more than surface level. And so I think even when I've met, , with Craig and we had a first introduction, we were talking much deeper than, , the simple surface things.

And  Nicole cared a lot about the people in her life. She's gone through a lot and has used those experiences both inside of her family and inside of the workplace. To become a more empathetic person and   people who are around her say she gives off a light about her and they can feel that she just cares so much.

And. I think that's, , for me, the biggest thing is that I want people to know that I care. And even recently yesterday, someone who I'm connected with for quite some time, we've never met in person, but he said, , every time I see your comments on other people's posts on LinkedIn, like I can just feel your good heart in those.

That is exactly what I always want to hear.   Amazing. Amazing.  In the short time that I have known you electronically, we still haven't met in person, but the, all of those things that you described came through. So I think that I wholeheartedly concur that, You know yourself well.

And I think that those things that you value most, like you said, relationships that definitely comes through. So that's pretty neat.  Thank you..  You mentioned like some things that have stung in the workplace  and we're going to get into , , we'll ask you later on, , what's been  more of a soul wrenching experiences that you've had, but what kind of things have stung?

In your life, like what kinds of things either in the workplace or outside of, and by staying, it's Oh man, it sucked really bad in that moment. Thankfully looking back, it wasn't maybe as big as it needed to be, but in that moment, man, it sucked versus soul wrenching, which are things that probably take years to kind of work through and still process and stuff.

 But what kinds of things have stung, , what experiences have stung for you?  Yeah. Such a great way of. Describing or having the differentiation between the two places that you're mentioning. I would say things that have stung in my life,  I mean, definitely early on growing up,  I have two brothers and triplet sisters and there is a lot of us.

And I think.  Some people in  this generation don't remember a lot maybe of their childhood or maybe not a lot of like their parents existing in their childhood. And I think that's something for me and for additional context, my mom went to prison for the first time when I was five and she was only in for about 18 months.

Actually, it might have been less. It might have actually been nine months, but  it was a short period of time. But I think that sometimes I forget that was, A big part of my life. Like I think again of my daughter Penelope and what she has a hard time if I'm gone for a weekend. So  nine months feels like an eternity.

Like it, are they ever coming back? And so I try to give myself grace when going through some different things. But yeah, when I like look back at my childhood, sometimes I feel a little bit of an initial sting .  My parents were so busy with other things that I didn't feel like I have a lot of memories with them as a child, right?

It's those, , camping and some of these other memories that I have of us all together, but most of it was like me and my siblings and, being outside all day long. Other than that, yeah, just like my brother really struggled with some addictions and growing up and  seeing him at his lowest at times was hard and not fully understanding.

I was a young teenager and witnessing some of the things that were happening and he actually went to what's called a proctor home and had to like, live away from us to,  get his head back on straight and get back to normal. Into a better way of living and have a good life versus going to prison himself.

And so those are, I think, some of the things that. Stung from childhood. I feel like with my lack of a foundation with my mom when I was younger definitely led into my young adulthood. I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. I mostly hung out with the guys, which then Kind of cause some problems with the girls that kind of were in my friend group.

And so I didn't have a strong sense of friendship with women. Honestly, until I was probably in my early twenties. And a lot of that was  my own insecurities, my own problems, but yeah, I'll pause there on that side of things. If you have any questions and then happy to  dive in a little bit more into  the work side of things too. 

 Nicole, I had a question that has come to my mind as you're talking about that, just specifically as it relates to your friendship with women. What do you feel like changed or what was it that allowed you to make that  connection?  When I started having actually good friendships,  Right, right.

Yeah.  I think a lot of it was trust. I struggled with trust because again, with my upbringing and some of the things that I experienced, I feel  that foundation wasn't always there. And so the minute someone did something that felt like a betrayal of my trust, I was quick to, , throw up walls or throw away a friendship and That felt easy to do in high school.

And then because I didn't have, , a core group that I grew up with, I had, , transferred a couple of different schools when moving in, I mean, still a small town up where I'm from, but enough to kind of create new friendships that just didn't seem like they had that strong foundation.

So it still takes, it took me some time when I was.  Getting into the corporate world and started meeting people and thinking, Oh, wow. Like I can hang out with these girls outside of work and then becoming friends and then like living with some girls. The first people I actually lived with outside of high school were actually two of my best guy friends.

And so finally starting to live with women or to hang out more and trust them. It was very much like a gradual path of Here, I'm going to be a little bit vulnerable and see if I can trust you with that. Or are you going to go and share that with other people? And if so, , what is that going to look like?

And so that took some time to get to a place where I felt like I could trust. And I mean, I've still been burned along the way, but I think a lot of it even as my own maturity, I had to grow up to, and that made a big difference in recognizing who do I want to have as my friends long term? And what am I going to need to do to put into that?

including some forgiveness along the way too.   I've been burned by a lot of women as well. So you're in good company. Just different ways, but  no, I think if anybody who knows you, well, maybe I'm a sucker because I feel like  I've seen you interact with Everyone and I feel like you treat everybody the same.

So I feel like you've done an awesome job of Recognizing that and bouncing back  I would never that man for the first 20 20 ish years of Nicole's life She struggled, you know having really good girlfriends and  that was a problem, right? So what do you think? I mean If someone's in that, those shoes right now, , what would you say to them if Hey you're in this situation, you hang out with dudes are awesome, obviously.

But there's not like girls need other women. Like women need other women. I guess it's a part of it.  It is how it is. Guys need to hang out with guys and girls too. We all need to mesh. Yes. But .  Having women be friends with each other. I know this is super important for my wife, which is why I'm bringing it up.

What would you say to that person? If they're still struggling, they're still in that, ,  I want girlfriends, but I just don't know what to do.  . Great question. Craig,  part of it too, was that I was an extreme people pleaser and let a lot of people walk all over me when I was younger.

Because I felt like I had to be perfect or,  say yes to everything. Otherwise I was causing contention and that I think once I started shifting away from that and Recognizing that's really exhausting place to be, and I'm not happy is when I started  standing up for myself and setting some boundaries.

So I think healthy boundaries are extremely important and on the piece of, , other women who could be feeling similar ways, or maybe they have kids in that teenager phase. I served in for my church in the young women's group, and so that was ages 12 to 18. And, , seeing their struggles, and I wish I had more people reminding me that there is a better life after high school if you're struggling.

And so when I was with these women either on Sundays or during the week, during our activities, I always. My heart, I felt like that was the best calling I have had, , is working with these young women and just loving on them unconditionally, because that's something I didn't feel like I always had growing up.

I felt like  love was very much conditional and I had to earn it. And so these women. I just pour into them and, , I'm still friends with them now. It's been two years since I've been in that calling and, , I love getting text messages and hearing from them. And some of them are currently serving a mission for the church of Jesus Christ.

So it's really cool to see that progress, but yeah, that, that struggle. I think if you can know that.  It's a phase and you can move past it. And also I think the idea of women being in competition with each other is very much being broken right now. And people sharing that message that like, Women need to help other women to be successful and that it's not a competition.

And I will always continue to preach that as well and hoping to help affect more people. Cause I know how much I struggled with that.   That's profound, Nicole.  I feel like that's a universal message to all of. humankind that we don't, we're not, we don't have to compete with each other for success on some level.

I guess you could say that you will, of course you compete with other candidates for the same position or whatever, but  on just a human level I love that. I love that,  it seems like you're living that. Today with your business, with your podcast. I mean, that's kind of your jam, right? 

Yeah. Lifting from that,  competition mindset or  scarcity, right. And moving into abundance is only something I've even better, ,  tried to lean into even in the last 10 years, , so it's when I'm talking to Craig about, , potential clients of, , who are you working with?

Who am I talking to? And, , seeing who we could refer to each other and where we can bring each other's names up in different groups. , That's  where I want to be, , Craig helped get me a job interview when I was looking because he Wanted to help and that was an easy way for him to do that and so that's kind of the abundance mindset that I keep trying to lean into is that Sure.

 If you want to see it as like these small areas of opportunities, that is more of that scarcity mindset. But if you realize there's so many more doors that are opening up when I continue to give and also ask for what I need it's just the world really just opens up for you.   Nicole posted about that.

I don't know. I think you saw it on LinkedIn aerial too, but she made a LinkedIn post about this awesome job interview and she tagged me in it and I got 300 new  connections, people reaching out because of it.  And I think you probably got like 5, 000 people. I'm just kidding. You probably have 500  people, but  , one thing that I really love from what you just said, , the story before  is  you poured into people, , you just poured into them  unconditionally. 

And it's hard. I think it's really hard to pour into somebody if you're wanting something back,  right? If you're wanting to get something back, you're thinking first of all about you, right? And I think this comes up in coaching. This comes up in life. It comes up in so many different things. But if you're,  yeah, I just, I love what you said.

If you pour, I just poured into them and loved unconditionally. And yeah, I was in a calling, but also outside of it and different relationships.  I just love that. I just, I really love that a lot. Mom sounds like a really awesome place to go to next.  I know your mom went into prison  once and then went into prison again. Is that right?  What's that whole story been like? And what's that experience been like?  Yeah. When we were really young, I didn't know.

I really don't have memories. I mean, I have some nightmares that are, like, reoccur in my mind from the time that she was gone. I have a picture, I think, of me where I, , used to talk to a picture of her that was hanging in the kitchen area. And We would call her. We never went to visit her to my understanding.

I think my dad wanted to protect us in that way to  not see her in that space maybe. So for us, I feel like maybe again, that abandonment that would come up because Again, you have no idea where she is when she's coming back. I don't know if my dad knew how to deal with that in certain ways.

Like how do you even communicate that, , back, , I guess that's like almost 30 years ago when that happened. And  I remember we lived at my grandma's house and then we would see my dad leave because he worked a graveyard shift and he worked several jobs, which I think is kind of why that's instilled into me that I love working.

He did it more out of necessity. But we would see him leave. And I remember me and my younger brother, two years younger than me would just cry so hard. And my grandma, , had as much patience as she probably could, but I remember, , her getting a little frustrated, which again, I have two young kids, the same age difference.

And that can be hard when they just don't want to stop crying over something that is so hard to explain. , I had  a lot of reoccurring nightmares when I lived there of just, Probably trying to process what in the world is happening. And then she got out she had lived, , a good life and had been working to I guess  do better than what she had done before to clarify, she did turn herself in the first time she went to prison.

So she did get a lighter sentence and it,  obviously probably swayed the judge's opinion that she had. Six kids under the age of six including my sisters who were like, I think nine months  or right around a year at the time. So  then, yeah, she gets out, life starts kind of getting back to some sort of normal.

And then it was actually in.  2015 that my mom called me and I was just about to leave work. I was out in the parking lot and she was like, , if you're driving, I need you to pull over. I need to talk to you about something. And in that moment, I thought she was going to tell me  she had cancer or she was dying.

Like what is happening? Right.  And she told me that the FBI had just raided our house the house she lives in, and my sisters also lived there. That she had been day trading in the stock market and had not been honest about some things that were happening. And someone had  alerted the feds, I guess, or some sort of authorities.

And it turned out to be an FBI investigation. Jen. And  yeah, I remember crying so hard that day and my sisters knew how hard that was for me. Sometimes my husband doesn't always know how to show up for me in those moments. He's I'll hug you. What else do you need from me? Kind of thing. And so it was really sweet.

My two sisters who were here drove down. from Logan to come see me about an hour and a half drive and just be with me and we just cried together and not quite sure what was going to happen. And fast forward, like it takes about a year for everything to go through. And at her court date, she was actually sentenced. 

The way they did it was they took all of her felonies and put them  into kind of three main ones. Ariel, I think you are probably familiar with  the law side of things, but they took her felonies and all of the different counts against her and put them into three main felonies. So she was up for I think 45 total years.

Three counts of 15 years. And , the judge sentenced her. I mean, it was like a two hour trial. It was really hard. I mean, people saying that they think us kids should help pay them back. Cause essentially my mom lost a 1. 7 million in the stock market of these friends. And some of them were ward members, even in our church who she had taken their money and unfortunately lost it, but was saying that.

You know that she was making money. And so that's kind of where it all snowballed downhill from there. And so yeah, people that didn't know us were thinking like we all knew about it, that we should pay them back that, , that my dad should also go to prison because they assumed like he must know something and so he must be guilty.

And so that was really hard. The judge quickly, abruptly ended things and  sentenced her. He said something along the lines of,  one of the counts was going to be concurrent with the other one. So two of them at the same time of 15 years, and then one of them would be consecutive. And then, , it's like kind of in the movies when they're like, all right, bailiff, take her away.

And we were like,  what is happening? We just thought is that really 30 years? Is she going to be in prison? And,  , later finding out It goes through a parole board. They review everything. They then talk with they come to an agreement on essentially when she'll be next eligible to be seen by the parole board.

And that was the, they had given her six years and she did try to fight that. She didn't love that it was going to be six years. She thought it might be a little bit less, but I think with the history of the previous incarceration yeah, they were not going to budge on that six year mark. So she was in for six years and missed a lot during that time.

 My, my first thought, well, my first thought was obviously about you, but my second thought was I would love to meet your dad like that, like  three kids, three triplets, right? Nine month old triplets the first time. And then three other kids under the age of six,  , man on fire. And then having your wife, Oh, Nicole, that is heavy.

That is.  Thinking about it now, , man, if I left my kids now for any amount of time, longer than , a vacation, two weeks, it'd be like the worst thing, right? What, how did, how does your   talk about your dad? , what is he like, how has this.  What's your relationship like with him?

What is that? What does that look like? Yeah, it was definitely interesting with her being in prison and  I call it prison. It was technically she was at like a county jail usually at the prison, at least here in Utah, they'll have you at the prison if you are needing like specific medications like antipsychotics or things like that.

Or if you're like more dangerous of a criminal, Yeah. Yeah. So she did not fit in those categories. So she was actually at a county jail. And she was at three different major places during her six years. So yeah, my dad, They did end up getting divorced the second, like through that second incarceration, I think six years was  super long and I haven't talked to him a ton about that pain because I think it's one of those things that it's just,  he doesn't really want to talk about it.

I can only imagine the betrayal that you would feel to have that happen a second time and to know that, , it had been going on for a good Like I think five, six years of her kind of knowing like what had happened and trying to fix things and, , suffering in her own while trying to fix and knowing like she had this huge debt and  needed to pay all these people back and was trying to work to do that.

But not ever. Telling people that's what happened and that's what landed her into that situation with the dishonesty piece. So yeah, my dad, great guy again, just,  it's so funny because if you ever meet my husband, Kip, he is so much like my dad. , The quiet, calm, like super funny, but doesn't want center of attention.

, but things that he says out of the  random, you're like, wait, what? That was hilarious. He's very much like my dad in that sense. My dad's a super hard worker. Very much just has that kind of.  He's in his early 60s. I think he is 60 now. Maybe he's 59 actually, but in that generation where he's I don't love my job, but  it pays the bills and it provides, some of that stability.

Anytime I broke a bone or needed stitches, which was a lot of times growing up I've had stitches in my nose, my chin  inside my mouth, but that was for a dental procedure on my knee and I've broken, I broke my femur bone, I broke my right arm once in my left arm twice back in the day, that was kind of more normal, but I bet they'd be called for DCFS these days.

But yeah,  anytime I was hurt,  he would always be the first one at my side. And I think that really clearly describes who he is just. Very loyal. Yeah, like super loyal quieter, which is why I think it's sometimes harder to connect. And when he was, when my mom was gone and trying to transition that, like he wasn't the one that planned, the family dinners or the holidays.

And so that was  a little bit of an adjustment on that end of just trying to figure out like, what is this relationship  with my dad, and sometimes he would be like, Oh I don't want to be the, seventh wheel or whatever that is with like me and my sisters and our spouses and, going on a family trip or something, it was easier for him to just be like,  It's okay it's okay if we don't see each other it's okay he's just so chill like that, but I think, at least, I mean, for all of us, I think all of us kids, we like, we're hoping he would step up a little bit more, but I think part of it he just didn't know quite how, because my mom had done so much of the nurturing, and it helps me learn that with my husband, I want to make sure that it.

We're both equally, pouring into our children that they don't ever feel like maybe that sense of void that I've sometimes felt with him. And, throughout the years we've been building back our relationship. And, I try to not have expectations and just simply again, with that kind of unconditional approach,  I'm grateful for any time we get to spend together and, ask for what I need and not just hope that he'll, come down to see me like asking and planning and that kind of thing.

 Nicole, as you're talking, there's a word that keeps coming up in my mind. And I wonder what you think of it. The word is resilience.  And I just wonder whether whether you've thought about how resilience has played a role in your life and sort of, maybe one or two tools that you have found to,  to show that resilience, despite some of these  life real life.

Things that happen.  Yeah. That's such a good word, Ariel. And one that I've leaned on. And when I read the book grit by Angela Duckworth, man, that one I felt, I've never felt so seen by like pages or words on a page. Because the way she describes, grit and resilience for me, for the longest time, I was like, How did I end up, in such a good place?

I bought my first house when I was 24 and, have found success, along the way and feel like how in the world did that happen, for me and to me? When things were rough, growing up, and  they weren't always, that sunshine and rainbows. I didn't always have a great relationship with my mom.

And, we have a much better relationship now. And I love that we've been working on that. And my, again, Penny like cries for her and we got it. We have to call her several times a week to just let Penny hear her voice. And that. Is part healing for me to see that relationship. And I think it's,  yeah, like, how, what are the characteristics that help someone lean into that?

And  I think it's just the power of choice, which I think is so beautiful, but also Can be really easy to be a victim of like I didn't have this right like for me I didn't go to college because our family didn't have a lot of money. I didn't really see  me postponing like working full time while trying to go to school or Postponing school or sorry postponing work so that I could pursue a degree.

So I knew from that choice that I might have to work a little bit harder in my job to prove that I am good enough. And I think that's not necessarily, it's very like a  non visual tool. It's just something that, you kind of have to have that conversation with yourself. Yeah. I think just the drive and again, going back to the word grit is  maybe part of it.

I wanted to prove in some cases, my mom, when we weren't having the best relationship, like I wanted to prove to her that I could do things on my own, I could be successful,  by myself. And so I, that, that piece led me, right. People say, tell me that I can't do something. And. I'll show you that I can and do it much better or faster, whatever that is, that has been a big part of my mentality is, don't try to tell me that I can't do something because anything we all put our minds to, we can absolutely achieve.

And the second part, I would say just, Finding better people again, as  a core support system.  I dated a guy who was really not great for me. And thankfully,  we ended up breaking up and I found better people. I found, my husband and just really great support system of people and then found companies and jobs and roles that , I just thrived in.

And that's really where I just started to shine, I feel like from a  earlier lifetime of feeling like when is it going to be my time?  Amazing.  Give me just one second. We can edit this out. I need to grab something. Just a second. You're going to do it.  No, we will not edit this out. We are continuing. 

Ariel has left the scene.  Ariel, are you going to come out with your shirt off again? Oh my gosh. Let's.  He's like in a Superman outfit. 

Oh, it's hilarious. Oh man, Nicole Evans.  That's good stuff. Diving deep. Yeah. What's the question that we should ask you in the next 14 minutes?  Sorry, Ariel, I just said, what is the question that we should ask you in the next 14 minutes as we, wrap things up here? I've got I've got one.

Yeah, go for it. Not you. No, this is the question for Nicole. We can ask from Nicole. Yeah, I'm asking Nicole. What question should we ask you, Nicole, that we haven't  hit on?  Besides the triumphs, which I think we'll get to, we want to hear your triumphs too, because everything you said is off the triumphs, but in its own way.

Yeah.  No, I think it's just, yeah, transitioning into kind of the workplace could be, again, that's where I felt like I started to shine. I mean, Ariel, feel free to ask your question,  yeah, Ariel, ask your question. No, it had to do with triumphs.

I can't ask it now. It's done. The moment's gone  . It reminds me of Michael Scott when when the Scranton Strangler is driving by the office window and he's the only one who sees it and they're like, where is it? Where's it? And he is no, it's gone. I it's gone. I saw it. Yeah, I  . And he goes out. He goes out and gets some pebbles.

Yes, indeed. Nicole, do you have any idea what we're talking about? I'm not super familiar with the office, but I've seen clips, so, a little FOMO. You don't have to be, it's okay. I don't know, okay, let's let's be careful with those extremes, I'm just kidding, Greg.  No yeah, I think triumphs, let's start with let's go into triumphs, I think there's a great segue there.

Yeah. Again, everything you have been saying has been a triumph in itself. Like the resilience, the who you are now, what it speaks to, but  Ariel you had a question and you were going to have a thought.  Yeah. So as you reflect on your life, you've talked about resilience. You've talked about grit.

You've talked to about drive. You've talked about finding sort of a core support system. You talked about trust. What has been one of, or perhaps the greatest triumph in your life as you think back? And when we say triumph, I guess what I mean is  something that you can point to that you are genuinely proud of, but also that brings you fulfillment and joy. 

Good question.  When I think of triumphs and things that I experienced in my life, sure. I've had so many amazing things that have happened and I always try to look for, the silver lining or the thing I've learned so many things and looking back, right.

It's not until we're looking back typically that we're like, wow, I overcame this really big hurdle. But for me, something a little bit different than comes to mind is. When me and my husband started trying to have kids I, we couldn't get pregnant and it took several years and finally going down the route of getting some assistance.

And that was through originally like IUI and then IVF and, I wasn't sure, when all growing up, like Nicole was the girl who at any activity, if she saw a baby, she would be grabbing that baby and no one could take it away from her until like they were leaving. I love kids, babies, all that. I was always obsessed.

And so I knew early on,  my life calling is to be a mom, to be a mother on this earth. And When I struggled to get pregnant because my mom seemed to be so easy to get pregnant and other family members like ants seem to not have any issues. And so when I started trying,  that was so hard and three years now sounds so tiny and short for me, but anyone going through that experience of trying to get pregnant and not every single month.

That is. So draining and you just obviously wonder what's wrong with me. Like why not me? And  so  it was in part I don't know if you want me to go down like more spiritual stuff, but I ended up getting in what, in in the church. of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. They have what's called a patriarchal blessing.

And I actually didn't get mine when I was younger. And so  I started like kind of having arguments with God in my mind of , why is this happening? I want this so badly. And I'm trying to do the right things or what is the right thing or what  righteous life would you want me to live for me to be like, feel like I'm worthy of that.

And again, a sense of growing up, something I always struggled with is like that I am not enough. And like even just saying those words,   always gives me a little bit emotional because it's just been so painful for so long of feeling like things that I did wasn't right or again, wasn't enough.

That was good, but you could have done better. And the perfectionist side of me, like self shames me to I'm not good enough. And that's why. I haven't gotten these things. So it's actually what I felt like I needed to do was get this patriarchal blessing and in that so many amazing things were shared.

And one thing that I was waiting for that felt like God kept me waiting until the very end of that prayer, essentially.  was that I would have earthly children and not just, one, it was children plural. And I was just sobbing, a sobbing mess. Because I was like, okay, I know, this will happen for me. And it was still a year. It was that I got it in March of  2016 and in March of 2017. So I still went through a whole year of struggle and got pregnant in that March. And what we didn't want was a Christmas baby. And what we got was a December baby. And she Thinks that Christmas is because of her that Christmas happens because of her.

So she was born in the perfect month, but I think that's my biggest thing. My biggest triumph is like getting to motherhood and the ability that I have to  have a different relationship with my daughters. And again the  repairing that I've done,  with my own mother, but Getting to take that all into consideration and the things that hurt me growing up.

 I get to have the opportunity to do different by my daughters.  I was going to say,  we also celebrate somebody else's birthday during December  and I just think that is an,  that is really cool reminder. I mean, really everything you shared is all this really cool, but  just a reminder of his tender mercy, right?

For you. I don't know, tender mercies have been on my mind lately, obviously, but the thought about not being good enough, ? So many people, myself at the top of that list.  feel the same, right? And it's so weird. When did we bring that on?

When did we attach that to who we are? Attach that belief to us and let it have any influence or power in our life and dictate our thoughts or anything? It's Oh,  So dumb. Cause I guarantee all of us are looking at each other yeah, right. Like you two come on. Like you guys are the coolest people I'd ever want to hang out with in my entire life.

Nicola is definitely saying that 

I had the opportunity to talk to somebody who I love and respect  in my church, which coincidentally is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. We have that in common, Nicole. A leader who is just a one on one interview, and , we don't often get those with, with  people who are leaving or busy, whether it's company or church or whatever else.

But,  and Craig, I can't remember if I shared this with you. I think I probably did in a poll or something. Yeah.  But  he shared something with me that I've been thinking about ever since. And it was that we shouldn't condition the joy or the fulfillment or the peace or happiness that we feel  on the an outcome or this has to happen before I'm going to feel this.

And as you were talking about that, obviously this is, something so personal. We were so grateful that you have shared this incredible triumph in your life. , I think that's such a common thing that we do as humans is we have this goal or this thing that's okay, I need to accomplish X.

And when I do, that's when I'm going to feel X, Y, or Z. Right. And so, I've just been thinking about that. And I think that what you shared, that's what was going through my mind is, , maybe that's the secret sauce that we all are trying to kind of learn is like. 

Outcomes are, yeah, they're great and they're important and all those things, but so often they don't happen when or in the way that we plan or expect. And so if that's what we're waiting on,  to have joy or to find peace or fulfillment, , we might be waiting a long time.  Yeah, and I think that ties it back so well, Ariel, that you're mentioning that because it  goes back into the pouring into other people, like with, without condition, right?

I saw someone had posted on that, that LinkedIn post that went viral that said, I need to start doing this, or I need to start  connecting with people so that they tag my name in, posts like this,  basically saying I want to shout out and I told them simply give and it will happen.

Right. I think that's the premise of  our faith is built on that. Principle is Always give, and also ask and you shall receive as well. So I think it's helpful to ask for the things that you're looking for. If you don't communicate well, then people might not know that maybe you're struggling or that you need something.

And so there is a part of that, but I always say in whatever way I can, I always. Try to give back you'll see me in the grocery store like restocking things that have fallen over for example during a crazy rush of people like i'm the one that's trying to organize things and that doesn't do much for me.

I'm not looking for credit or for someone to come and pat me on the back like I do it like I put carts away if I see them out in the parking lot, like things like that like Probably no one is even gonna notice But I know that I helped make someone's load a little bit lighter. So  do you secretly judge those people who have left those grocery carts?

So that's the real question. I think that there's absolutely a test if it doesn't exist of what kind of cart person are you? And what that says. Yeah, I have to create a study that that, that can definitively show, what kind of, what kinds of people do that? There's a YouTube  and Tik TOK channel called Carton Arc.

And he goes around and People get so pissed off if they leave their car and don't put it away. He's Oh, Hey, Oh, and he like gets in front of their car. He like makes these magnets that sticks on that said I don't put my car away.  It's hilarious that people lose it on him.

But  no, I immediately thought of like the six or seven times. I've not put my car away. Cause I usually. Put my card away, but then like  Costco the other day, probably a month and a half ago. I didn't put it away. Not Craig. I know. I know. Can we delete him off of this?  Done. All deleted. I'll remove myself.

Don't worry. I'll fall on my sword here.  Nicole. I love that that you brought it back. It's just Pouring into people. Okay. I, I know Ariel has his Jim's too. But that,  that above all else, one, it not only describes who you are like to an absolute T,  but it describes the way I think you should live your life, right?

Good things will happen.  Unfortunately, it's not always going to happen in the timing that we want.  But  there's no other way to live. I don't think where you can have. happiness and peace in the same way when you're giving, when you're truly just pouring into people.  Ariel, what do you think?

If it's anything other than what we just talked about, then you're not all.  I agreed. A hundred percent. Such, such a pleasure, such a gift, such a great opportunity for us to be able to have you on our podcast today, Nicole, where can people find you? Where can we help? What's your address? 

Yeah, this was such a great conversation. Again, diving much more deeper into the personal side of things which I do obviously try to share that side of me as well on LinkedIn, but I'd love for people if they want to connect I'd love to hear their stories as well and get connected over on LinkedIn is the best place to find me. 

All right, Nicole Harrop, spelled H A R O P?  An N I C H O L E for my first name. Very good.  Well, Nicole, thank you so much. We are just thrilled that you agreed to come and talk to these two weirdos and share this hour with us and thanks to all of our listeners, all 150 million of them. And Nicole, I just want to say, I think both of us could say this we love you.

We love who you are. We love your family with everything that comes with it. Can't wait to meet and hang out with Kip. Like it just, I know he doesn't want that. I'm sure,  but just who you are. Everyone would do well to follow you on LinkedIn and to get as close to you as they possibly can and just be your friend.

Cause it's awesome. It really is.  Yeah. Yep. Thanks again for having me. Thanks for having us.  

  If you are feeling unsure about your path, we can help you reach out to us on LinkedIn or send an email to Craig and ariel@gmail.com.  The path worth taking is waiting to be found and lived in your life.