Empaths Anonymous

Embracing Your Latina Identity and Co-Creating Connection with Pam Covarrubias

• Crystina + Danie • Season 1 • Episode 19

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Hey Feelers... Happy Hispanic Heritage Month! We are SO incredibly blown away and honored to have Pam Covarrubias, host of Café Con Pam on the podcast this week. We talk allll about:

  • Overcoming perfectionism
  • Multi-potentiality
  • The duality of being a Latina
  • Embracing your identity
  • And more!! 

Pam Covarrubias is a Coach, Clinical EFT Practitioner, Speaker, Podcaster, and Recovering Procrastinator. Grounded in liberation principles and trauma-informed practices, she supports first-generation women and femmes in the US. Rejecting Calladita Culture®, she advocates against silencing and submission to heal our inner niña. As the host of the globally acclaimed podcast, Café con Pam, Pam shares candid, thought-provoking insights from diverse voices, offering valuable resources for mental health, business success and community-driven positive change.

Here's where you can find Pam:
Instagram | YouTube | Website | Facebook | Podcast
Get Ticket's to the Café Con Pam Birthday Event!

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Intro music by Heet Deth

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

when I came back to S., nobody could question who I am. Because I knew exactly who I was, regardless of the number of boxes that you had me check off, or the number of questions you would ask about the way that I look, or I didn't look, or who I reminded you, or who I didn't, or how my name was, whatever. I knew who I was, I think because of that experience of having grown up in a different place. Part of the world that saw me for my humanity versus whatever was behind my name or my citizenship status or the way my skin looked

Speaker 5:

Welcome to Empaths Anonymous, a space for dreamers, healers, and feelers, navigating the fine line between putting yourself first and holding space for others. If you struggle with balancing your needs while still supporting your tribe, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the support group.

Speaker 4:

Hi, hello, and welcome to or welcome back to the Empaths Anonymous podcast. I'm Dani. I'm Crystina and this is such a special start to what we are highlighting this month, which is Hispanic Heritage Month.

Crystina:

Happy Hispanic Heritage Month! Ba dum ba! That's my little Thank you.

Speaker 4:

That's my jingle. That's our soundbite. That's going in the beginning. And we love it because we take up two whole months. Really, if you think about it.

Crystina:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

We're like, we want September. We also want October. So we're gonna put that shit right in the middle. Which I love and appreciate because that's how we do things. We're extra. But we thought that it was obviously very appropriate being the podcast that we are. We thought that it was important, above all else, to highlight some of the people in this space. Latino, Latina people. Makers, if you will. Artists. Creators. Musicians. Creatives. Podcasters. Teachers. All of it. Educators. All of it. And we have fun things planned. We have exciting things planned for this whole month. Yeah. All month,

Crystina:

every single week there's gonna be something a little different and a different theme. So, follow along with us for the month. I'm really excited to do some deep dives.

Speaker 4:

Yes. The spice

Crystina:

of life, really. The spice of life. And I'm here along for the ride as your

Speaker 4:

host. Multicultural bestie. I think the same thing. I'm like, Oh, the allyship's going so hard. I mean, because a lot of the time it's like a struggle really to know where the line is. Like, where am I appreciating? Where am I appropriating? Yeah. Especially within black culture, because a lot of the time there's conversations to be had later this month about how the Latino culture really embraced a lot of the black culture. There it is again, the line of like, is that appreciation or were we borrowing it and keeping it for ourselves without saying, Oh, this, I was inspired by this other group,

Crystina:

right? Right. I mean, it depends on what, there's certain things that I guess there's also a big overlap because of Afro Latina. Oh, yeah. Culture. Oh, yes. So it's like they also wear braids. They also wear cornrows. Yeah. Like they're, they adopt a lot of the essences, yeah. Of both cultures. Oh, they're both. So it's like we kind of are like cousins. We're

Speaker 4:

primos. So yes, that's some exciting stuff going on. Now keep in mind we do still have our Google form up for our local. Or nationwide, global. We should just open up to anybody at this point. Artists who we've showcased Fish Lee now for quite some time and I hope that you've enjoyed that, but we do want to showcase other artists. So that form is still up but without further ado what is in your cup, sister? Today, I'm just showing up,

Crystina:

great. Full stop. I'm just showing up. I'm just showing up. Period. Period. End of the sentence. I have a little bit of magnesium powder and the one I got this time was unflavored, but it still kind of has a flavor, you know? So I have to mask, so I put a little bit of orange juice in there, and some coconut water, some sea salt, because I feel dehydrated. Yeah, it's been a full week of just me not feeling well. And then all of the worry and the feelings that come along with that. I think if anyone listening has a chronic illness, you can look okay on the outside. And so people assume that you're doing okay, but on the inside, you're like, I literally feel like all of my organs are rearranging themselves. So yeah, it's one of those things that's like, I have to keep pushing myself to keep showing up and keep doing things. Because if I. Rescheduled, or said no, or stayed in bed every single day that I didn't feel well, I would be in bed a lot. Mm hmm. So, pushing, pushing past that. I really want to have a PCOS, or just hormone specialist in general, on the pod. Just talking about how it just affects Your hormones affect so much of your life as women and just in the U. S. with all of the crap that we have in our food and all of the like endocrine disruptors and the hormone disruptors just in our everyday household items. It's just hard to

Speaker 4:

Be

Crystina:

a woman.

Speaker 4:

Literally survive. Yeah. I was thinking about that all day. It's like we have to choose so carefully, but that's really tough when your choices are limited already. Yeah. It's hard to choose carefully when you don't have the things available to you that need to be available to you. Right. And when you feel like you're living in a place where you have no choice but to choose poison. It feels overwhelming to me.

Crystina:

Right. Yeah,

Speaker 4:

we definitely need to have a hormone specialist on.

Crystina:

And then the resources that would make me feel better are a hundred, if not thousands of dollars. And it's like most people just don't have the money for those kinds of things. Why is it like that though? And why is it like that? Why is it so hard to get healthy food? Why is it so hard to just get the nutrients and the minerals that we don't get from our food? It's like to go to Sprouts and for me to buy a magnesium powder is 40. I should be getting everything that I need in my food, but we're not.

Speaker 4:

So, yeah. You have to supplement it. Right. Because it's an industry.

Crystina:

Right. Yeah. We can,

Speaker 4:

I mean, we don't have time.

Crystina:

It's connected to all things. Yes. it connects to my mental health and emotional health. Right. Because it's like, I'm so hyper aware of things that go on in my body that anytime something's off, especially for this long, like it's been a good two or three years since I've had a full week like this where I don't feel very good. Yeah, I think that I have a cyst. I can feel, the girlies will know, you know when you feel that there's something there present and it's this slight pressure and you're like, I know that there's something there. If I go to the doctor, they're going to gaslight me and tell me that it's nothing, but I know that there's something there. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Especially if you've experienced it before, you know, you know what it feels like. No one can tell you that you're not feeling something. Right. Yeah. Someone on TikTok said the other day, when a doctor dismisses your concerns, to tell them to write on the chart, like your notes, dismissal of patient concerns. I was like, pop off. Yeah, because when you're with a physician, right? And you're saying, this is what's happening. I'm feeling this. And they're like, Oh, whatever. Dismissal of patient concerns. I was like, I kind of just want to go to the doctor to see if they do it.

Crystina:

Right. I didn't know that you could tell them to do that, to write that. I mean. Because who, who else sees that?

Speaker 4:

Anyone else who reads the chart thereafter. It's a huge, it's called EPIC, it's like a huge system,

Crystina:

because when I

Speaker 4:

moved from one insurance to Kaiser, they were like, oh, we can see all this, like from your childbirth and all this, everything, all your history, it moves with you.

Crystina:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Those are conversations to be had later on in the pod, of course, but it does affect, you know, your everyday existence and just to be burdened by it all can feel A lot on the frontal lobe, for sure. Yeah. But we trek forward. We do, as always. We're strong ass bitches.

Crystina:

That's pretty much it for me. What's in your cup?

Speaker 4:

I've got H2O. Also feeling like a little bit of a dehydrated kelp.

Crystina:

Yeah.

Speaker 4:

Feeling just, bleh. Then a thunderstorm passed through here. The planets are doing some weird shit. It is a time. I woke up with a headache, hate that. I'm like, what did I do but sleep? It just knocks the whole day off. Yeah, and then I'm just frustrated the rest of the day because I lack focus and things like this. But otherwise, fine. That's it. I think it's just feeling like a schlump. And I'm fine to show up as a schlump on a On a couch sometimes. It

Crystina:

doesn't take away from the excitement that I have and the joy and the happiness to talk about these things,

Speaker 4:

And today is surreal. Really, if you think about it, when you first start an adventure like this one, you Jot down your list of dream guests. Right. And you're like, Oh, eventually, you know, or, Oh, we'll get there one day. Yeah. But today. But so soon into our journey, we have one of our dream guests on the pod, we had the opportunity to meet first and foremost, one of our dream guests to have on the pod and therefore ask her to be on, which she so graciously accepted. And that is Ms. Pam Covarrubias of none other than the Cafe con Pam podcast. Yes. It's not a joke. It's not a lie. It's happening. I think I really did that. We really did that. I had to really pinch myself a couple times and as always, we're so thankful and so happy to be having these conversations with people that we've looked up to in this space for actual years. Yeah, for a long time. Literal

Crystina:

years. I kind of said it in our interview with her, but how did you find Pam? What is your, I guess, tie to her?

Speaker 4:

Oh gosh, good question. I think a lot of the time I found myself typing in the search bar and Apple podcasts app or Spotify or whatever, just Latina podcasts. Yeah. Because I'm like, where are we? I wanted to, as much as I love crime junkies as much as an ex girl, I'm just not all about the true crime life all the time. And then on top of that, cause I think I just went through an era with it. Cause I really don't listen to any true crime anymore at all. It's pretty depressing for me. but I think I started out by looking for true crime podcasts that were hosted by Latinas. So I found one actually that was a very short series cause it was about a very specific thing. But not an ongoing show. And it was narrated by Cristela Alonzo, who is a actress and comedian. Okay. Super funny. She's great. And it was I think one of the first times I ever kind of came across this understanding that there was a lack of Latino hosts in the space. But yeah, I think that I just kind of found her in the search. I mean, obviously her podcast is turning eight years old this year.

Crystina:

Yes.

Speaker 4:

Which we do talk about as well.

Crystina:

Like really close to when this episode's coming out. Yes, actually. Congrats, Pam. Happy birthday. Alrighty, well, we are not going to take any more time. Look at us. You guys, we really are trying to get better with the intros, cutting down the time. Let us know out of personal preference, do you care when podcasters have an intro before their guests of you know, 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes sometimes. I get. Me personally, when I'm listening to a podcast, I get annoyed when it's like longer than like the 15 minute mark, but anyway, we tried to cut down the beginning for you guys, but let us know if you guys even care, because if you don't, we'll just keep yapping.

Speaker 4:

We try our best, like 20 minutes to me is the absolute most, and if it's that, we are cutting it out and editing. Oh, for sure. Yeah. But yes, I think that's it. Lots of stuff to be excited about for this month, but specifically, our very first and very special guest for Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2:

Today we are so excited because we have Pam. She is a coach clinical EFT practitioner, speaker, podcaster, and recovering procrastinator. Grounded in liberation principles and trauma informed practices, she supports first generation women and femmes in the U. S. Rejecting Kaita culture. She advocates against silencing and submission to heal our inner Nina. As the host of the globally acclaimed podcast, cafe Kpa, Pam shares candid, thought provoking insights from diverse voices, offering valuable resources for mental health, business success, and community driven positive change. Welcome to the podcast, Pam. Thank you

Speaker 3:

for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Speaker 2:

We are so excited to have you. Yes. Good to be on the other side of

Speaker:

the mic. Right? I was thinking that. I was like, Oh, I was listening to a couple of your episodes over the last couple of days and I'm like, Oh, I wonder how she's going to feel about being the interviewee. And I do also just want to quickly give snaps to Crystina because she practiced very much with the pronunciation. Oh, nice!

Speaker 2:

You did so good! Yeah! Thanks. I'm not Latina, but I'm really trying really hard. I'm on my Duolingo game, but I'm trying. Oh, wow. That's the highest compliment. I know, right?

Speaker:

Such a compliment. Well, let's get right into it and ask you what is in your cup today, Ms. Pam? In my cup, I have,

Speaker 3:

I have tea. So literally in my cup, I have tea and I am that weird person that combines different flavors of teas. So I have citrus, ginger, pineapple, ginger, and green tea. So three different bags. Because one ain't enough. You know, I'm all about, we can't just keep one. And so, it's quite yummy. It's very fresh and I needed a little tiny bit of caffeine. Because it's kind of like, end of the day. So that's why I dropped the green tea. But the ginger is already energizing enough. And then the citrusy and the pineapple makes it super fun. It's really good. And in my emotional cup, I I'm feeling content and joyful and happy and just welcoming fun things into my life. We are at the tail end of Mercury Retrograde and last week was a little drag, but this week is painting much better. So thank you for asking.

Speaker:

Yes. We did talk about how last week felt really strange. It was, the week went fast, but the days were very long. It's like we were at Friday and we were talking about what we had done earlier in the week. And we were like, wait, that wasn't this week. That was last week. No, that was, that was this week. It did feel like a little bit of a jumping of timelines. Yes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and a little like some heavy energy for sure. Yeah, I had to do a lot of regulating last week.

Speaker 3:

Totally. I think we did a lot of purging, energetic purging.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, which good, we need it. So, we noticed that spread ideas, move people was born out of you being a self proclaimed procrastinator. Danie and I very much relate. Can you speak to how you arrived at that discovery and really just how it shaped what you do?

Speaker 3:

Totally. Well, I, I grew up in Mexico city and the word procrastination, like we don't use it. that much. But then in college, I was confronted by one of my art teachers because I went to art school. And so I love your wall. That's why like I always admire spaces. And so one of my art teachers kind of like introduced me to this term procrastination. When she called out the fact that I put off one of my projects so long, she gave me a month to complete it. I did it the night before. And she was like, Pam, this could be so good, but you chose to procrastinate and push it till the last minute. We could have submitted this for awards. There's potential, but you chose not to, you sabotaged it. And so that's where I was like, Ooh, I am a procrastinator. So she almost kind of like gave me the label. And because I'm a rebel when it comes to labeling and fitting in boxes, I was like, Accepted the fact that I do procrastinate. And at the same time, I'm like, how could I own it? So nobody can tell me otherwise. And so that's when I started calling myself a recovering procrastinator.

Speaker:

Yeah. I love that. Me too. The other day I put in my bio, I'm a recovering overshare. Oh, I tend to just. Woo. Let the stories go. And I'm like, not everybody's interested in like the fine details of my life. But as two people in recovery, I like that we can see a label, we can identify with it, but you know, it's not our entire personality and we're working toward doing something different about it. So I can definitely appreciate that sentiment for sure. Several episodes ago kind of along the same line here, we discussed or had a conversation about multi potentiality, which is kind of a buzzword on social media right now. It's kind of gaining some traction about. Having so many things that you could potentially be good at. So we wanted to know your insight and essentially how you feel about moving past the struggle to start at perfection.

Speaker 3:

I think we've always been multi potential. I think kids don't Limit themselves to only playing with Legos or only, you know, going outside and playing with one specific ball. Until the world tells us that we need to become really good at something. And so, When I got to the U. S. I realized I had to check a box and I had to say I am Hispanic. I guess what was the box? And I had to check another box of my country of origin. And I had to check another box that said citizen or whatever additional boxes were. And so I think that culture Because I live in the U. S. Has shaped a lot of people into believing we can only be one thing. And also we hear from a society standpoint that I mean, we go to college and we study one thing, but we really don't. You know, I think this is where the core courses exist. And so to answer your question, I've been fighting it for a long time.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So for me as a coach, perfection is something that I have personally experienced a lot and my clients do all the time. And so after working with so many people, perfection is one of the principles of Calladita culture that keep us quiet, keep us overworked, underpaid, overwhelmed. And so how I have dealt with it is to remind myself that perfection is actually one, unachievable. Two, it's really restrictive. And so as someone who grew up very creative, always drawing and painting and exploring different ways of creating fun things, perfection is, is important. The villain of creativity. And so when I look to aim for perfection, I remind myself that I'm letting the villain win. And so I just give myself permission to start ugly to make it messy and embrace the I don't want to call the imperfections because that means that perfection exists. But to, just to embrace the, the intricacies and the differences and the organic waste that life shows up with. And, because the world requires a lot of perfection, it's still, you know, this internal struggle that you kind of like always aim to achieve. And it reminds me of, painting class, for example, when I was in painting class, I would spend hours and hours and hours in a painting. And one of my teachers literally said a painting is never finished. Because once you create a painting, it's for the world. And depending on where the painting lives, that's going to allow the painting to be finished. But if you never release it and share with the world, the painting is never going to be finished no matter how many more paint strokes you put in it. And so that lesson I've brought it with me and just allow myself to believe in the 80 20 rule, get an 80 percent done the 20 percent the world will finish it.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, I totally agree. I am a crippling perfectionist and I really am trying to recover from that. But I've learned that I just need to go with my flow. So I'll get these bursts of creativity and so I'll just do that's my action time, right? I'm just going to go with my creativity. I'm going to create, I'm going to do, you know what I'm being led to do. And then later when I'm feeling kind of a creative block. That's my time to, I mean, for lack of a better word, perfect, or go in there and then I can tweak some things. But in the beginning, when I'm, you know, basically like birthing this new thing, it doesn't have to be perfect because I can go back and revisit and change and art can be evolving. It is evolving. So yeah, and we are too. So I would always keep myself from starting anything because I was like, it already has to be 100 percent the best thing that anyone's ever seen. And I've just learned to, when I have that creative burst, okay, let's get it out, but then let's revisit it later. And don't feel like it has to be at a certain level right from the beginning.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

let the world finish it.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yes. Oh, I like that too. Yes, exactly. I'm definitely going to take that. My art is, you know, my life. We have conversations daily about how this would serve a need here. We need this here. and I need to make this happen because I just don't have that. And I don't have the resource, but I don't have the access to create the resource. So it's like just starting in those, those tiny, tiny baby steps, even with the podcast. I mean, we're talking about at least for her years, more like for me, several months of thinking about it, planning it. What is the purpose? What do we want, you know, our space to look like? Because everything I think Comes forward in in a certain way and why the we love that you mentioned our gallery wall because like this, our little baby right here. We intentionally picked out everything. And then we had the idea to feature local artists. So maybe you're next. But even this picture right here is from a local artist and she's fantastic. She's wonderful. And but We just love the idea of being able to showcase imperfections from everyone, even when you think that that person has attained a certain level of something. And they kind of help you ground you, bring you back down to earth, say, Hey, that's actually not even what it is. Right. So I appreciate that, of course. Yeah. And which also kind of leads me to a side question, because like Danie saying, her art is her life. She's always seeing a need in something and she's like, well, we should just create that. And just talking about how, when something doesn't exist, especially for black and brown people in spaces where we feel like have been colonized and learning to really decolonize and find community and really amplify our cultures. One of the things that I really looked into when I moved to California is I was living in Fallbrook and I googled San Diego podcast. I was like, let me just get to know what, what, what it's all about here. And yours was the one that came up. So I would. Go on walks in Fallbrook, which is gorgeous, and listen to your podcast. And one thing that I really admire is just the ability that you've been able to create this amazing community, you know, just from putting one foot in front of the other. Can you talk a little bit more about that? Hmm.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

a thing with using the word community because one of my teachers once, so I studied feminist marketing from Kelly deals and she talks about the word community and how in marketing specifically, the word community has been overused because many times we sell things and we sell quote the community and ultimately what people want is to belong. And so this element of community that is sold to people, it's almost like has more weight than what people are actually buying. Ultimately. And so I have used the word community in my space in I'm very selective when I do it, and I do believe that community is co created. And so to answer your question of how have I done it, I think we've all done it. You know, you listening to the podcast. To my stories walking is you are being part of this co creation because if it wasn't for your ears, I wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for the person like, you know, cleaning on Sundays, having me in their ears, I wouldn't be here. And so how have I done it? I don't know if I've done it, but what I can say is I started one with believing that what I was creating was going to leave the world better than I found it. And with that people started listening to it and they would contact me and many times I've tried quitting this podcasting like so many times

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

really?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

many times and people have literally I've gotten DMS. I've teased it on the show and people are like, please don't you're my Sunday cafecito or you're my evening walk or whatever. And so I think community is, is something that Cannot be claimed in the beginning. It's something that you grow into. And I will repeat that word. It's a co creation. And my community has shifted. And it's changed. And I have conversations with clients all the time. And they have grown with me. I'm a different person. If you listen to episode one, I'm not that. Please don't. And so that community has also shifted because we've grown together. And so I think it's really about understanding that the creation, the whatever output is going out into the world is something that's going to serve whatever group it connects with at the moment. And then it goes from there.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I like what you said about this aversion to the word community.'cause I think it is overused, but sometimes I'm like, I don't really know what else to use. Yeah.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So I call it a gathering space. I call it a hangout. Because the community, if we really think about community, to enter if we were to go into ancient civilizations, you couldn't walk in and be like, Oh, I'm an Egyptian now. You know, or I am Mayan. And so, that's a community. know, and so like it's earned, it's invited, it's co created. Something that I like I put together or like even a group, even the event that you attended that I put together that wasn't like maybe, maybe at the end, we could have said that we create co created something together. But in the beginning, I couldn't claim to be a community.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Right. We were all different people, strangers walking into a space, which it was really fun, by the way. If you guys live in the San Diego or Southern California area, the Craft and Mingle events, I think there's one you guys are going to do another one in November.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

is coming then. We haven't started planning because I'm planning my birthday. Cafe con Pam's birthday in October, yeah. So we haven't, but yes, thank you for coming. That was super fun.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So you have Cafe con Pam's birthday in October and Pam's birthday is in November.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

birthday is in November. I know.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I was going to share with you that you and my mom share the exact same

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

We're birthday twins? What?

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yes. Birthday twins. I know. I was like, Oh, I know that one.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Scorpio.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yes. We love Scorpio Queens. Yeah. My daughter is Scorpio rising.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Okay.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

her and Nana are like, Oh yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, she's got a lot going on. So she's Cap Sun, we're only six days apart. She's Scorpio Rising and the Leo Moon.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Ooh, I'm a Leo moon. Leo moons are

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Oh, she's a blast. She's like the funniest person I think I've ever met in my life. She is a blast and a half. Anyway, enough about that. I could talk about that child forever. But we did want to ask you a little bit about your background, which we found so interesting. And also, we thank you so much for putting as much of your story as you did online. I know a lot of people are like, can get funny with that, and they don't put a lot of personal information. I'm like, oh, she's got nugget. So you mentioned that you grew up with dual citizenship being born here in the United States, but raised in Mexico City. So our question is, how did little Pam embark on the journey to become the Pam that you are today?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I think I will have to thank my mom for that because while I was born in the US, we have that immense privilege to have been born in the US to be a US citizen. My dad didn't want to live in the U. S., so we always lived in Mexico City. And when my parents separated, we came to the U. S. And, you know, kids are very adaptable. So, I was 13, and my brother and my sister, I'm six and seven years apart. So whatever age they were, and so it gets a dab pretty fast. And we started kind of like adapting things from my cousins that were born and raised in the US, which was my mom would talk to us in Spanish, and we would respond in English. And my mom was like, Oh, no, we're not going to do that. We're not, we're going to speak Espanol completamente. And so

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

hmm.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

to read, write, and speak Spanish from school. And so, I think that experience, while teen me did not like that change, it's something that I wouldn't change at all. Because it truly shaped who I am and my identity. Because when I came back to the U. S., nobody could question who I am. Because I knew exactly who I was, regardless of the number of boxes that you had me check off, or the number of questions you would ask about the way that I look, or I didn't look, or who I reminded you, or who I didn't, or how my name was, whatever. I knew who I was, I think because of that experience of having grown up in a different place. Part of the world that saw me for my humanity versus whatever was behind my name or my citizenship status or the way my skin looked, which arguably we can talk about classism and colorism that exist. And to answer your question, I think my little teenager and younger version of me just kind of learned to, to own who she was. And then as I came then I'm like, You can't question me.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

It gave you that like stellar confidence. Oh, yeah, I was gonna say immense confidence for sure.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, cuz I'm like Come at me. I know who I am, you know

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Unbreakable, Yeah, Yeah, that's the Scorpio coming through for sure. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah, it's such an interesting experience to compare because I grew up not being bilingual but growing up in San Diego for, you know, a lot of my life until I was about 10 or 11. We moved up here, which was a huge culture shock for me, so it was I wasn't Mexican enough or Latina enough to be, you know, seen amongst my peers as an equal in San Diego. Then when I moved to Temecula, it's like, who's this little brown girl?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

so

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

You know,

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I know that

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

and I'm very brown now.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

when like Spanish speakers tell not the Spanish speakers that they're not enough enough of what you know, like

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Right.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

First of all, your Spanish is not even that comes from a colonized historical moment. And so speaking the language, it doesn't make anyone more or less of anything. It just makes them bilingual or not bilingual. Can I switch back and forth with you? Yes or no? That doesn't make me like you any less or not, you know? And so that's such BS. I get mad at

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, you're right. And I would get mad at it too, especially as I grew older. I really was confused by the idea. I was confused by the sentiment behind having to speak a language to become something or become more of something. When I identify with the culture just as much as you, I maybe just don't understand a secondary language that you speak. And it was all the way up until through even my late twenties, working at a Starbucks in the middle of LA, like down the street from USC. So I had all mis amigas working and I was on the cleaning crew with them till midnight. And it was like, Oh, you're such a little white girl. I'm like, yeah, but I'm still the funniest person here. And you're still my friend though. Right? You know, it doesn't matter that I can't understand everything you're saying. So it did take me a while to. Gain confidence in that and own my culture a little bit more than what I was used to Instead of diminishing it because I was afraid of both opposite ends of reactions. You know what I mean? Oh, I don't understand that like I just don't get it. Where are you eating that? Why do you do this? Blah blah blah versus you're not enough for us. So I'm like stuck in the middle of well I guess I just define it for myself and I can't really care what either end think. So it's so refreshing to hear that confidence come through. And there's power in that too. Deciding to define it for yourself. There's also power in that. Even if it was like a quieter confidence, you still found it. Yeah. I was like, I was left with no choice, basically. So I was like, I might as well.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah. And existing in dualities. I think that's something that we don't accept so much especially makes me think of right now we're existing in such a political space, we have an election coming up. And so people are so rigid with

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Mm.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

their thermometer. Why can't we live in the gray? Because you can be just as Latina and not speak Spanish. That doesn't, you know, it's like, it's a gray area. You don't have to be on the extremes. You know, you can be like a little warm, look warm and that's okay. Yeah.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I think people don't like to prescribe to that gray area. It's like you have to have yeah, you have to have passion behind every single decision you make. And I'm like, honestly, I just kind of appreciate neutrality. Sometimes I appreciate floating a little. It provides me with an opportunity and a space to stay open minded. And then that makes me feel like I'm just more accepting of people when they just meet me exactly where they're at.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

And curious.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

the same. Yeah, I want the same for someone to meet me like, Okay, she's just showing up as her and I appreciate that. Period.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah. Love it. And your nervous system likes it too.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, the extremes are so tiring. Right. Yeah. I don't know if Danie let you know that you're going to be part of our Hispanic heritage month series.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Ooh, how exciting.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah. So at the end we'll ask how are you going to honor that this month?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Okay.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

But before we get there, I did want to talk about El Mercadito.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, so El Mercadito was born because I've been doing Café con Pam for 8 years, almost 8. And I've had various opportunities to monetize the show and bring sponsorship dollars to the podcast. And, you know, I started thinking if I can get, you know, huge brands on the show, why can't I talk about I don't know, whatever store is in my neighborhood. And so I left a podcast network that I was a part of. And so then I was thinking, how can I make it fun, accessible, exciting, and support the people that I care about, which are small businesses. So I launched El Mercadito, which is a marketplace where I record it's literally me recording an ad about your business. And we run it, I, I can do dynamic ads, which means that they run through the whole catalog for a Cafe Con Pam. almost 400 episodes. And we're, we have some people already like coming through. So it's, it's been super fun to meet with people because I meet with them, you know, I'm like, tell me about your business. And then we craft the ad together. And then I record it. And it's really fun to kind of like, put my voice behind. Their little baby that they're creating and then we drop it in the catalog and it's super fun So it's an accessible marketplace for Cafe Con Pam.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah. Right. so it's only local businesses, right?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

It's whoever wants to know because the podcast is global

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Right. That's so true. El

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

to be heard yes,

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

that's great. and then, you know, obviously technology, you can meet with them. However, you're going to meet with them online and sounds more like a fun and more curated like spot or like a feature advertising. Yes, it sounds like it. If I'm listening to it on the podcast, it'll probably sound not so much like an ad. It'll sound like, Oh, this is fun. I get to know somebody and I get to know their story behind why they decided to do something. Yeah. When I have my, I think we talked about it a little bit. When we met at the event about. A similar place to Lullabar that's in Carlsbad that just doesn't exist here. The coworking space, childcare. It just I feel like would truly, truly blow up here. There are so many young families. There are so many people who are solopreneurs, momopreneurs that we talked about. People who are just working from home and want to get out of the house, you know, who just need to be outside. And yeah, so it's like going to a different space. So maybe that

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

You need to do it

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

cafe con Pam one day.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

It's now it's now on the podcast. You need to you need

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

It is. I did. I just, I really did just say that. You really just spoke it into existence. Yeah. We were

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

the

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

for like real estate. Mm hmm. Yeah, I was on it's like a fun, well to me it's fun, it's not fun for regular people, but it's a real estate website called LoopNet and it's just like commercial spaces and I'm like, oh this is 2, 600 square feet, that could totally work.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

and there's urban development. Have you looked into that?

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

No.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So urban development programs, the government has money. You just have to make a case.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Okay. Yeah.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So you have a

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

are good at talking. Oh yeah, I could make a case. I had two career options growing up. It was lawyer or therapist.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

they both speak, let's go.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yes, exactly. Yeah.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So, I think you need to make it happen.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah, I think it'd be so fun. We were just getting our nails done yesterday and there was a nice little spot that was like a downstairs upstairs situation. I was like, Ooh, I think, let me go look at that. Yeah. We also want to then add podcasting studios in there. So if you're local and you like, don't have a space in your house, like we do, you can come there, rent it for a couple of hours and go about your merry way. So we got the ideas cooking. So maybe one day we'll, we'll hit you up.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I mean, let's do it.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

So we're so honored that you are our first guest for Hispanic Heritage Month. We really wanted to amplify Latinas in Southern California, but honestly everywhere, and really give a space for everyone to tell their stories and be themselves. So I wanted to ask, how will you be honoring yourself and your ancestors this Hispanic Heritage Month?

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

I love this question. I think I'm going to do it by taking up more space. By speaking up more of my truth. And, bye. standing in my power in a way that my mother and my grandmother couldn't do it. And earlier we were talking about this mercury retrograde and one of my friends, Ilona, she reminded me that this mercury retrograde really came to kind of show us where we need to expand more. And one of the things for me was to really ask for what I want and just say it and expand into it. And you mentioned the confidence that I guess I have. I don't, I don't see it, but lots of people like point it out. But I think for a long time I kind of like try to dim it because it probably is like something that people notice. But I think how I am committing publicly is by standing in my power more so I can mirror and show up for others to remind them they can do it too. So it's less about me doing it for myself and more about showing up as that glass that reflects your power as well.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah. That's really beautiful. I love that. So much. I love that. It sounds like that's a, a little bit of a feat, you know, to have so many people looking at you as that reflection, as I'm sure you get a lot of comments. You tried to quit and they're like, no, you're not. Nice try. Yeah. Because it is that feeling of someone needing that content, someone needing to speak some of those things to them on a weekly basis. And that audience relying on the information to keep them going and just constant reminders. So it does really bring us back to the, you know, whole community aspect, but really it's just connection. So when I think we confuse a lot community for connection because it's really what it is. I just want to go on. I want to talk. talk to people and see them for their, genuine selves, you know, and figure out what their story is. So yeah, ultimately, I think that's how I'll be showing up is trying to connect more with people. And I work with multilingual learners from Spanish to Arabic to Maya to All over which I love that in Temecula because that was unheard of when I was in school here so I love being involved in that space and Reminding them like these are the most brilliant minds, you know middle school age all about their identity They're all about their peers. I can be that reflection for them

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Mmm. Yes. Be an amplifier. Expand them

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

and it's really why it's why we're sitting on this couch is we were like, well, it's getting better. The spaces are getting better, but we don't see a lot of ourselves. And we didn't really see a lot of multicultural podcasts on the scene and we're like, well, let's just do it ourselves so that we can show our listeners and the people that we are trying to connect with that you can do it too. And it doesn't have to be this, but it can be whatever you want. And if you don't see something, a resource for yourself, make it, and then you're going to inspire others to do the same.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Absolutely. Yeah. If you see a need, make it happen.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Right. It took me a while to be able to even realize that I was capable of doing something like that. A lot of the idea was like, I got to leave it for someone else. Well, someone else will take care of it. And it wasn't happening. It wasn't happening, not happening. So being able to see. come together and be able to create it in a way where it's a labor of love, as I'm sure you know, eight years in and we're just getting started. So it's certainly the most fun I've had creating something for sure, because it's probably the longest I've ever stuck with something this creative because I got a real big analytical brain. So it's a struggle for me to tap out of that side. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Here you are.

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

we're a team. Yeah. Yeah. Here we are. And very funsies. Yeah, so, of course we appreciate you coming on and as always are so grateful when people say yes to us when they don't have to. And this was a lovely conversation. We would like to give you the opportunity to plug whatever you want to plug, El Mercadito, where everybody can find you on your socials and etc.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Actually my birthday, Cafe Con Pam's birthday is coming up. So what I'll plug is October 13th is Cafe Con Pam eight year celebration, and I'm going to do a live podcast with a workshop. So I do inner Nina work. And so this is going to be the introduction to. gather, which is my next iteration of my body of work. And we're going to do lots of really fun things, planning, vision planning, or vision scripting. Cause I, as someone who's creative, it's really difficult for me to create vision boards. So I don't do vision boards. I, I do vision scripts. And so, I'm going to teach the method on how to craft and develop your the script for your vision So you can as a good as a podcaster so you can record it and then listen to it And actually make it

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Oh. Love

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

and so

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

That's a great

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Mm hmm. So we're gonna do a lot of inner nina work We're gonna do future yourself work to craft our vision and then at the end of the day, we're gonna have a Live podcast and I have two confirmed guests. Oh, am I gonna give you the premisia?

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

Yeah.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

today's recording the two guests that have confirmed is Ashley Nell Tipton who won Project Runway and She she's from San Diego. So those who know She she's awesome. She was an episode. Oh my gosh She was episode, I don't remember the number, but she was in 2017. So we were like still in the less than a hundred episodes. And they see Romero from El Cholo's Kid, who's also local to San Diego. So as of today, I have one pending that hasn't confirmed. So I'm not going to mention that one, but those are really cool guests. So people are

empaths-anonymous-x-pam-covarrubias_2_08-27-2024_161921:

They are. Yeah. I'll definitely tune in. I'll definitely tune in. Sounds so fun. Yeah. This was my first year really doing, I always wanted to do a vision board, but we really did one and she's been doing them for years. So it was my birthday party because that's fun for us now in our thirties. My birthday party was just a vision boarding and it was hard for me to, I was like, I don't want this image. I don't know about that. And is this even going to come true? Like I was already worried about the things I did not need to worry about. So, I like the scripting. I like being able to write it out. That sounds really fun. And your words are so powerful. So we'll definitely link that for everybody in the description. If you were wanting to go to the live recording and get some tips on vision scripting, we'll have all the info for you in the description. Yes, yeah. Thank you so much, Pam, for coming on the podcast today. We really appreciate it. Have been looking forward to it. And just thank you for sharing your light with us and with all of your listeners.

pam--she-ella-_2_08-27-2024_161921:

you for inviting me. This was super fun.

Crystina:

Wow. I'm a bit speechless a little bit because I'm just so Happy that we had Pam on and just all of the nuggets of wisdom that she has to share with us, and I mean, she's been doing this for eight plus years, so. Definitely has so much to impart. How are you feeling?

Speaker 4:

Honored, really. Always honored when anyone comes on, of course. But for it to be Pam, how gracious she is, how down to earth definitely shares that really open and like welcoming energy with anyone she comes across. And especially when you meet someone or get to interview someone of her caliber in the space, who was really one of the first people to show up authentically as her true self in this space, is honestly, It feels like a huge privilege to us because it is so I'm gonna not even yap about it anymore I want you guys to kind of take From the episode, what you guys took, we love what she said about the overuse of the word community and how it became like a marketing,

Crystina:

kind of like, I

Speaker 4:

don't want to say scheme, but in a way, like marketing companies took it and kind of ran with it in a very different way and kind of took the depth out of the word. Right. And

Crystina:

workplaces in general, because it's like now there's you can be a community manager. I'm like, what does that even mean? You know, the

Speaker 4:

people manager. So we love it. We want you guys to chime in. We want to know your favorite part of the episode. We want to know something that you learned. Yeah. And if you got to the end of the episode on YouTube, give us a Mexican flag.

Crystina:

Oh, love that.

Speaker 4:

Love that for

Crystina:

us. Love it. Love it. So happy that she is our first ever. Guest for Hispanic Heritage Month. I could squeal,

Speaker 4:

but I won't do that to you. Of course,

Crystina:

Of course the podcast is about highlighting minority voices. So it's of course, we've had Latinas on the podcast already, but really just taking a moment to honor. Yeah. Yeah. Honor your roots. Honor me as a, as a friend, as a supportive friend and somebody who you know, participates and appreciates Hispanic culture, Latina culture in my own way. I like being able to have the conversations.

Speaker 4:

Right. It's so important. The same way I love to be involved in, in black culture and how important it is for me having a daughter who's half black. It's not something I ever take lightly and I am always here for knowledge and growth, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Crystina:

Right.

Speaker 4:

We love ya.

Crystina:

We love yas. And if you love us back, please follow us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Leave us a message on Spotify. We actually need to sign into the back ends of our Spotify and see if anyone's left a comment.

Speaker 4:

I would think we'd be getting emails, but there's complications with the sign in situation.

Crystina:

True. It's not easy to sign into. Follow us on YouTube, subscribe, I guess give us a thumbs

Speaker 4:

up. We're nearly to a hundred if you guys wanna get us to a hundred, a hundred subscribers. We're nearly

Crystina:

there. Hopefully, maybe by the time this episode comes out, there will be a hundred.

Speaker 4:

Yes.

Crystina:

So yeah, leave us a comment there and follow us on Instagram at EMPAs anon pod. Yay. And that is what we have for you. This week, besties.

Speaker 4:

We don't have a prayer. We don't have time for a prayer. Maybe we leave you with a question,

Crystina:

one that we asked Pam, how are you, since we're at the beginning of Hispanic Heritage Month, what are you going to do this month to honor your heritage and your ancestors? So comment back with that and come up with some creative ways we want to know, share them with us, tag us if you post any stories, and we would love to have a convo with you. Always.

Speaker 4:

Always. And until next week, bye. Bye.