From Adversity to Advocacy: Overcoming the Foster Care System with Sandra Nuñez

Hi, feelers! We hope this Wednesday is meeting you with peace. In this week’s EA meeting, we want to provide a TRIGGER WARNING for the following topics of discussion with our wonderful guest, Sandra Nuñez:

-We talk about the foster care system and the lack of support for youth that are placed there

-Domestic Violence and abuse

-Childhood trauma and teen pregnancy

Among those topics, we also discuss the beauty of creating a support system, facing adversity head on and choosing education as a means of personal and professional growth. We are beyond grateful to Sandra for offering up her heart and truth via her story. We celebrate her and those like her, who have used their struggle to cultivate a beautiful community – Chingonahood!

As always, thank you for listening and please let us know how this conversation resonated with you.

You can find Sandra on Instagram at @educatedchingona

If you are interested in becoming a mentor, please visit CASA

Are you local to southern california? Check out Drafted Events

See you next time! xo.

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to the Boob Saga

01:02 Trigger Warning: Discussing Childhood Trauma and DV

05:11 Guest Introduction: Sandra Nunez of Educated Chingona

05:18 Sandra's Journey: Education and Empowerment

12:15 Coping with DV: Sandra's Healing Process

24:05 Motherhood and Support Systems

28:01 Reflecting on Parenting and Relationships

33:09 The Importance of Mentorship

34:13 Personal Experiences and Systemic Issues in the Foster System

41:07 Navigating Higher Education as a Foster Youth

51:04 Concluding Thoughts and Gratitude

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to my boob saga. Welcome to the show where we talk about boobies, which we do actually. Welcome to Empath Anonymous, a space for dreamers, healers, and feelers navigating the fine line between putting yourself first and holding space for others. If you struggle with balancing your needs while still supporting your tribe, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the support group. The kids are wearing I love boobie bracelets again. Are they? Yeah. Okay. Somebody at my work. Like we used to do back in the days, like multiple of them. I'm like, this is so interesting. Yeah, I know. The 2000s are alive and it's freaking me out. It's weird. Especially being in school. You're like, Oh my God, I never left. It's the best. I bet. It's a weird experience. He also wears one that says, I love older women and I'm like, not this one. Hello. Hi. And welcome to or welcome back to the Empaths Anonymous podcast. I'm Dani. And I'm Christina. And today. First of all, we wanted to say that we have a guest and she is absolutely lovely and we were very honored and thrilled to have her on, which we will get into, of course, but we wanted to do a trigger warning upfront in the beginning, upfront and personal in the beginning of the episode to let you know that we will be discussing some childhood trauma stuff as it relates to being in the foster care system, having a social worker that could be triggering to some people if you were a part of that system, or if you know someone who is. And also DV. So if that is not your vibe today, tomorrow or yesterday, click another one. We've got plenty to choose from, and we do hope that you come back. At a later time when you are ready, because this conversation is very important. It's not the whole time, but we do mention it and it is a part of the conversation. you have time to exit if you need to. Yes. However, for those of you that are still here, thank you very much. And. What's in your cup? I started getting, have you ever gotten the targeted ads for the buoy drops? No. The buoy hydration drops. No. Oh. They are like a company that There's no additives. Okay. There's no dyes. There's no sugar at all. Not even Stevia. Good for them. It's literally just fucking sea salt. Oh, and you squirt it into sr. It srt. Yes. And it can go into any drink. It doesn't have to just be like water or whatever. You can put it in coffee. You can put it in a hot tea. You can put it in soda. Okay. You can put it in whatever you want. Yeah. And they have different ones for different things. And if you have a chronic illness, they give you a 30 percent discount. So you know that I cashed in on that. I'm like, ooh, the one time having a chronic illness is benefiting me. Wow, good for them. Yeah, so highly recommend. I got the immunity ones. And they have like vitamin B6, B12, zinc, iron, vitamin C, I believe. And you don't really taste anything. They don't have any flavor. Oh, okay. I think I need It tastes a little tiny electrolyte things do. Yeah. Yeah. Girl, I was like so close because my dad has like dehydration spells like twice a year. Don't talk to me about it. He needs these. He does. I was at the Costco, brand new Costco member over here, shouts out, I was at the Costco and I was about to get a pack of the liquid IV and I looked them up on the EWG app. Girlies, if you don't know what the EWG app is, it's an environmental workers group. You need to use it because it'll tell you what you're about to put on or inside of your body and if it's good or not. Which I'm surprised because I realized this after we went to Lush, none of their stuff is EWG certified. Not one thing. I was like, that's really curious. Not lush. I love lush. A lot of their stuff is like kind of in the five or six range, which was even more surprising to me. Five or six? That's bad. Out of ten. Just so you know. Oh, it's like out of ten. Yeah, I'm usually like, I try to go for zero. Yeah. I usually try to like not go above a three. Three or four, you know? And it's a struggle because it's like you Basically I have to do that with every single thing that you buy. Y'all liquid IV has, it was on the tens. It had a 10 on the scale, red, a red 10, red meaning bad, very bad. So yeah, I put them back and I was like, absolutely not. I'm like, it's not going to help. My dad's going to poison him. Yeah. Yo, yeah. Liquid IV is not the jump. Element. We have, we have talked about Element before. Yeah. And there are in the cart or in the list that I have. I have many lists on Amazon. Yeah. That one's better, but I would check that one on EWG because what if it's not actually that much better? Exactly. These, I should look up these, but I think that they're, I mean, they say right on the thing like no this, no that. Yeah. Blah blah blah. If they get a pass, if they get a green light, we'll link them in the description. But yeah, I think that that's pretty much it. We wanted to really dive into this week's episode and just let you all know that it gets a little bit emotional at some points, but we are So very thankful to our guest, Miss Sandra Nunez of Educated Chingona. And without further ado, let's get right into it.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 5:11

Hi guys. We are so excited today to have someone on the podcast. Her name is Sandra Nunez. She is a first generation Mexicana and former foster youth who earned her bachelor degree in sociology in 2022, joining the 3 percent of foster youth who attend college. Her journey has empowered her to share her story, recognizing the power of creating her own platform when no seat at the table was offered. Sandra is passionate about education and empowerment, believing we must create spaces for ourselves and others. Education has transformed her life, building her confidence and opening doors. As a mother, she's proud to be breaking cycles and inspiring others, especially those who doubt their worthiness for higher education. Welcome to the podcast, Sandra. We're so excited to have you on today.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 5:58

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 6:01

Of course. Thank you for being here. We love the idea of Educated Chingona. I think I found your Instagram off of someone else who shared your story or, you know, how social media works. And I was like, Oh, click. and, we just understand how, Education is the answer to female empowerment, especially in spaces like ours, BIPOC spaces. So, when did you decide that that was going to be your life path?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 6:26

well, I want to start off by saying that I've, you know, through my four years, almost five years of having this platform, I've learned that education is not for everyone. I can respect that and I can acknowledge that we have so many, I don't know if I can curse or not. Um, so many bad ass entrepreneurs out there, Right. that didn't go to school, Right. They, they gained their education from just. Interacting with other women, going to different workshops, they educated themselves in different ways. And that's completely fine. What I share on my platform is what worked for me and what helped me to get me to where I am today. Right? So I emphasize that quite a bit on my social media. Cause I completely understand that I've had that where it's like back and forth. It's about no education. And that's cool. Again, it's not for everyone, but for those that it's for, those people, those women, those individuals will relate to what I have to share. But this platform started out in 2019, and it's a lot to scroll back on, but I started with little post its that I was posting because I needed that encouragement as a, full time mom, as a full time nurse, as a full time student, you know, who already had all odds docked against her. At that time I finally reconnected with siblings from my paternal side about five years ago. But before that, I didn't have, family to run to and say, Hey, I'm overwhelmed. My kids were so small, I couldn't invent to them. So it was hard for me to find a space in which people could relate to the life as a parent and as a student. So I said, why not do that for myself? Why not start hyping myself up? Why not start sharing words of encouragement with myself? But then again, I might not be the only one out there that needs it. I know I'm not the only one chasing an education. I'm not the only one being a mom at home and still holding a full time job. So I took it to social media. for me, it was more of a therapeutic thing is to, you know, type these things up, be creative with it and then post it to see who could relate. And it took four years to get to where I'm at today. But I started noticing the comments, the direct messages, I was overwhelmed with the amount of individuals that could relate to what it was that I was sharing. I was not alone, and I'm not alone in this world. And that's what encouraged me to continue doing what I'm doing on the platform, just being able to create a vulnerable and transparent space because social media has turned into this world of influencers that get paid to share the butterflies and rainbows of life. But we all know that that's not the case for everyone. we are all still healing. we are all still trying to figure our lives out. a lot of us have not had it easy. and we're still trying to figure out how to stay above water. And I feel like I do a great job at that because I find empowerment behind my struggles. I find empowerment behind me being able to actually talk about the hard stuff of life. And that's why I took it to social media because I feel like we need more of it out there.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 9:22

Right. Yeah, it's very funny how similar those, thoughts and feelings are to some of the conversations that Christina and I were having prior to starting the podcast, because it was always that question of, is it just us? are we the only ones? It's impossible. There's no way we're the only ones who feel like this feel that way. we did, however, forget to rewind, ask you, which is very important. what is in your

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 9:45

Oh goodness. Well if y'all know me and you guys have been following me for some time, y'all know that I always have my coffee with me, whether it be Starbucks or whether it be brewed at home. today? I, I was just like, you know what, let me just treat myself. I went for A walk this morning and then I said, okay, I'm gonna get my coffee. So I'm drinking a venti ice caramel macchiato upside down. And that is my go to. Always my go to.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:08

A classic. Cheers. Yeah. Cheers. I have, yeah, I have coffee brewed at home too. It started hot and I didn't want to reheat it, so I just put ice

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:17

Oh, okay.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:18

it's my

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:19

Iced coffee.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:21

Yes. Yeah, and then what's in your life cup as we call it?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 10:25

In my life cup right now, I mean, the way I fill it up lately is walking. I walk, I hike, and sometimes I lose track of time. The other day I went 10 miles and I noticed it when my, when my knees started hurting, I was like. Hold on. I was like. oh my gosh, I'm at almost nine and a half. I was like, I gotta go home. I was like, I can't keep, oh no. So I put on my headphones. I put on my favorite music and I just go for it. Um, me by myself. I've learned how to be comfortable with going by myself instead of waiting for others to show up for me. So I find a lot of joy in just being able to do that.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 11:00

Yes. Yeah, we love that. We are all about hot girl walks in this house Yeah Yeah Movement the movement is very therapeutic and kind of like you like if that's the only hour or two hours that I get to myself All day, like it's such a joy and a pleasure because I can plug in or Unplug and kind of plug into whatever I'm like needing that day, whether it's a podcast or music or just kind of walking in silence. Sometimes I just talk to myself, but it's nice to have. Right.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 11:28

to get out.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 11:29

Right. Yeah, especially when you have so much on your plate. And you're, you know, juggling all of these things and you're like, okay, let me just like unplug from the world for a second, be out in nature and like really

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 11:41

Yes. Yes. For sure. I agree with that. I love it. I enjoy every second of it. So, I try to do it about four days a week, five days the most. But weekends, I'm sports mom, so I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Ugh, that gets hard. That gets really hard. So I try to just go ham during the week and hopefully that helps me kind of stay afloat. So yeah,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 11:59

That's fun. Of course. I know that you're pretty vocal about this, on your platform. I'm not sure how comfortable you are sharing it on a podcast, but we did want to ask, We recently had a. Episode where we talked about DV and when we reviewed the movie, it ends with us. as a survivor yourself, what coping skills have you learned that help you on the days that feel extra difficult?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 12:22

well, to start off, I watched that movie with my daughters. one just turned 18 and then my other one's 19. So I've, I feel comfortable enough now answering their questions and they had already known because of therapy sessions that we've had in the past about my DV background. and it's my 18 year old father who I experienced that with. So I just didn't want her to live with that guilt of, Oh, it was me. It was my dad. so we've gotten very comfortable. They've gotten very comfortable with asking me questions. So they asked me if I can go watch the movie with them. And I said, yes. but in regards to that, Honestly, I think just talking about it on social media and just showing up on spaces like this podcast and every time it's healing It is healing because I hid that for many many years from people And I didn't talk about it for many many years Because I felt like a failure I felt Like Sandra, you knew better. and how didn't you get out of that sooner? Right? so for a very long time, I blamed myself and I kind of felt like, you know what, you deserve that. Like you should have just Right? That self talk, that negative self talk, you know, but with time and just talking about it and just meeting other individuals and even individuals on my platform, reaching out to me and or DMing me. I've, you know, video called a few of them and just being able to just talk about it. Yeah. has allowed me to get to a space where it's easier to talk about. I still find myself, like TV shows, the movie, people expressing like, oh, this is what's going on in my home type, you know, just venting. I still find myself sometimes, Still feeling some type of way about it, but I feel like I've came a long way. But simply just talking about it writing about it. I co authored a book last year I'm hoping to publish my own book next year in which I do dive into the daily, life of Sandra when I was experiencing that um, and that alone has definitely, I feel lighter. I feel like I've been able to get a lot off my chest without having to pour onto someone else. I feel like just writing this book and just typing my little heart out. Again, the healing, it's just so healing. And I remember this in therapy and it was constantly having to remind myself, you're not there anymore. You're not there anymore. That is not the life you are living now. constantly having to remind myself about that, whether it be my kids sharing something with me about their friends and their families, you know, just having to, you know, Navigate life outside because what I tend to do, honestly, is live a life where I feel like my kids have to be sheltered in a sense or protected because of the stuff that I experienced, but they're not experiencing the stuff that I experienced. I am a different person. I am a different mom. They're not being parented by the person who raised me per se. so I have to give myself some grace on that and give them some grace as well. And understanding that. Sandra you're raising them different. It's not like that. You don't have to be like that. The number one thing for me has just been talking about it. It's been talking about it and what's crazy is how our brain works, the trauma brain, and it, it, it, and I find myself typing and I get stuck in spaces and I'm just like, what happened? Where was I? Where did I live? How many months pregnant was I? I get stuck. And to this day, I still don't remember certain parts of my life and it's frustrating. And sometimes I find myself crying about it. I get frustrated because I'm like, that was a big time in your life. How would you not remember that? But I'm like, okay, I understand my brain is trying to protect me from that. It's trying to protect me from the ugliness that I experienced and that I survived. And I get it, but come on, like, I'm trying to share my story here. I'm trying to help those that still haven't got to the space that I'm in today. So, I, it's just frustrating to me that, that, that happened. So, um, it just, I love talking about it, because like I said, it does bring me joy. Heal me, but it is still hard. It, it is very much hard to talk about still.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 16:19

Yeah. Yeah. Woo! God, it's over here. I know. I know. We're big, we're big partners. I honestly, for like, how much we talk about the things that we talk about, we do not have a box of tissues in here.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 16:30

Oh

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 16:30

that is, like, why not? Um. I know. But, yeah, that part of it, the amnesia, is,, really, really hard to grapple with. because I will have conversations about, certain things and people around me will remind me of something. And I'm like, Right. When we just had a conversation recently where I told you a story that you were she was present for and she's like, I had, I'm so sorry, but I don't even remember that

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 16:58

right?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 16:58

I don't. Yeah, it's completely the memory has exited. And then especially when it's in like a group. setting. And more than one person telling you like, Oh, this is actually how it happened. And you're like, I have no recollection. It really does make you like you're saying a lot of different emotions, but like anger does come up a lot, especially if it's those memories that are kind of like, Oh, it was supposed to be this. Right. And it just ended up being something that I completely forgot about. We definitely, understand that how tough was it to watch the movie with your

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 17:31

it was hard. I was, I didn't wear makeup. I wore a hoodie, sweatpants. I was as comfortable as I could be because I told them, girls, just know it's gonna happen. The works is gonna happen. And what's crazy is my daughters were crying.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 17:43

Hmm

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 17:44

Ah, they were crying and at the end we talked about it and they're like, And we can only imagine what you went through. And I feel bad because I love that they're open. I love that they're very vulnerable with me, but I know, I know my 18 year old daughter feels like she carries a lot with her and you can tell by the way she talks about certain things and it's to this day, we have not talked about her father and honestly she doesn't even remember what he looks like. She doesn't remember his name. She does not remember. And what's crazy is Someone on this platform reached out to me. I did a podcast with, blooming wellness last year. We talked about all this stuff. She put it on social media. This individual found me on social media and she commented, she goes, Oh my God, Sandra, you, you know, thank you for sharing your story. Sandra is this type of way that I know because I know her and I'm like, how does she know me? Like, who is this?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 18:38

Mm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 18:40

She was somebody who was in that space with me when I was experiencing the DV. So she knew who Sandra in that time going through this. And I, I had no idea who she, I had to look at her little picture at the profile picture. And I was like, I don't know who that is. Until she started telling me things. I was like, Oh, it's you. We lived together. She was renting a room in the other household in the same house. And how did I, I'm like, Oh my, now I know who it is, but I'm like, what, you know? just seeing my daughter, talking to my daughter about the, she didn't really talk to me about it much, the 19 year old did, but again, she's not the one that has to live with the fact that it was her dad, right? And there's certain things I don't, I have a whole box of photos from that time in my life that I have not dug into for a very long time. And my 19 year old pictures, I look through my son, the 10 year old, I look for her box and I just feel so, That, ooh, I feel so bad that I can't give that to her yet because just looking at the photos, I'm like, oh, I can't. I am not there yet. And I told her the other day when she turned 18, that was so hard to not being able to share certain photos of her with the posts that I share and whatnot, because that means I'd have to open that box And then from that box is going to come questions. And I'm being selfish. I'm not ready for that. And just watching that movie with her, I can only imagine what she was experiencing. You know, me, I experienced it one way, Right. The DV part. But knowing that it was her dad, I feel like that's, she carries something with her. So we still haven't got to that space yet. And I Did promise her I would get to it? soon. So that's something I'm actually going to have to do very soon. and being able just to share that part. Of her life with her.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 20:28

Right. Did it? How long ago was it? Was it when she was very

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 20:32

she was young? She was very young. the last time she saw him, I want to say she was either three or four. And it wasn't a good experience. She was surrounded at gunpoint with him. And I got a call saying you to come pick her up. And that was her weekend with him. and since then, that's when I made the decision. I said, you are not going back anymore. And Yeah, we drive by because I'm in San Diego often to visit my foster parents or my sister and we drive by the area. Well, not too close to the area because I haven't driven by that area in years, but we're close and she doesn't remember any. thing at all. Which is, again, the brain. I get it. I get it, but I'm just like,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 21:11

Right. In this case, it might be a blessing, you know, like our brain protects us from a lot. And so I've had to learn that with some of the traumas I've been through, it's like the memories will come. In time and when I was supposed to remember, I'll remember, but right now my brain is protecting me because I just sometimes we can't take another thing on, you know, so, yeah, my heart goes out to you and your daughter because I, like you said, I can't imagine how she feels about it. And, With watching the movie and just knowing probably some of the small snippets that she knows, my mom went through something similar. And so I always grew up with questions and feeling like I couldn't ask them because I didn't, I knew it hurt her and I didn't want to pry into something that hurt my mom so much. and then I did have a conversation, I think when I was 17 or 18 with her and, you know, Similar thing. She brought out the box. I finally saw the photos of my dad and all of those things. but I never, held it against her. so as a daughter whose mother has experienced similar things, I don't know if that's a comfort to you of as daughters, we don't hold things against our moms for choosing differently and for making choices that better themselves.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 22:23

Thank you. I'm praying that that's how it rolls over here, cuz I'm just, I I don't know. We'll, I'll cross that bridge when we get there, but it's coming. I, it's here. I'm just, I, we have to set a time aside to, to really just go in. So,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 22:40

right. And then I think it's like that fear of just, it exists in the boxes there and it's just been there and it's been there and it's been there and I'm not going to open it. I'm not going to open it. So then when you finally do get to it, it's like a ripping off of a bandaid. Type of situation. And it will probably allow you both to heal together, which is so hard. but like Christina said, that pressure of having to do something at a certain time, that's kind of made up. And I know you like want to honor your daughter's questions and things like that. From what you've shared so far, they both sound like outstanding, understanding, like very lovely girls. So I don't think.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:17

Thank you.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:18

Christina's point that they're not going to, you know, hold you to it. Like, Hey, you said on this date. but actually speaking to that, I, myself, I'm a single mother, to my nearly four year old, acts older than that though, they're crazy.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:33

they are.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:34

toddler age is kind of nuts. It's

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:37

run you.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 23:38

it. I know. I wouldn't replace it for the infancy. Like, obviously I miss her being so little. and I look back on pictures. I'm like, Oh, she was just such a squish. but yeah, the personality part of toddlerhood is so fun. Like she has over here rolling. Like, she's hilarious, so I commend you because I have a huge, support system here, and I don't know how I would be able to function without them, so I just wonder, how do you manage caring so deeply for your four children, doing things very different from how you were raised, and what kind of support system have you been able to create for yourself and your children?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 24:19

I can say that I wasn't always, the mom that I am today. And that's unfortunate because my three oldest had experienced a different version of Sandra versus my 10 year old, who's soon to be 11. He got to experience a different mom. I think the one that got it the worst, unfortunately, was my 23 year old. I'm sure all older siblings can say the same. I, that's when I was going through everything and, never had the family to run to. It was friends. That stayed close. I still talk to many of my middle school friends. Mind you, I didn't go to high school. I went just up to sixth grade. So, Just to be able to maintain those relationships has been, has been life saving in a sense because they were with me when Sandra had a family. They were with me before the foster Sandra. They were with me before the teen mom Sandra. so they got to experience that with me. So it's nice to know that other people have memories of what I used to have. But, it wasn't easy. Many times I thought about giving up. Many times I understood why my mom did what she did. Why it was easier for her to walk away. I mean, I'm never going to forgive her for doing what she did. But, I understand. I understand. And there's many resources out there. There's so many places that will support parents in different ways. And it's still hard. It's still hard. They're 23, 19, 18, and 10. And it doesn't get any easier. Circumstances change, yeah, but it doesn't get easier. So, my little village, for the most part, my foster mom helped me. So much. she allowed me to live out my teen years with boundaries. Of course, still, you know, get home, put them to bed, be here on time to wake, come up and get them ready for school. You know, she still had those things set for me, but

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 26:05

Right.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 26:06

tried sneaking out and she was upstairs having her wine and she was like, Sandra. You know, I can hear you, Right. And I'm like, whoo!

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 26:13

Mm

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 26:14

have to sneak out, darling. It's okay. You can use the front door. So just being able to still have somewhat of, you know, a life as a teenager, I guess, in a sense, was very helpful. and even after the fact, I mean, I still call her, we still text, we visit once in a while. And honestly, my family, my village has always been friends. And that's all I have, and they are family to me regardless, I have my sister now who is in San Diego, but I mean, we all have busy lives. We all have jobs. We all have other things that we need to do, so we can't always show up. In the way that, I don't know, the way I guess I pictured a family to be like, or what a family's supposed to be like, like, Oh, go to your sister's house, or go to your mom's house down the street, or where's your brother, have your bro Like, I don't have that. Honestly, I don't know how I did it. I've always, I kept my head above water, but I don't know how I kept swimming. I don't. There's been very many, and I've shared them on my platform, many dark spaces that I've been in, unfortunately, but I'm still here, so that goes to show that my friends show up for me in many ways. I'm forever grateful for my people. I'm forever grateful. And I'm talking about people I've even met on here today. I went on a hike with a friend of mine who is in need of a friend. And I met her through this platform and we became very close and she lives Right. down the street from me. So building my family. It's going to be a never ending story for sure. and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the way my family looks. and the structure of it. And for my babies, I mean, I just always strive to be the best that I can. I had an example, a prime example of what not to be, you know, what kind of mother not to be in life. so I know what not to do. But what to do, honestly, has always been a struggle. How do you do things right? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I learned a lot from watching my friends with their parents growing up. You know, the pasate mija, come eat. You know, or their friends are in trouble or they need help and there I am. You know, I'm that present person that will show up for their friends as much as possible. to my capacity, of course. But just being able to provide a space in which we can talk about things and not sweep things under the rug and just create a safe space where there's no judgment and just be ourselves. And that's all I can do for them because I didn't have that growing up. There's a lot of things I didn't have growing up, but there's only so much I can do for them. but one of the things for sure is, like when we're out and about, they think we're sisters. just all hanging out, you know, whatnot, because of the way we, you know, get along And I feel like That's a beautiful thing is being able to know that my daughters at the end of the day are excited to see me or me picking them up from campus. Or while they were in high school, they were excited. Mom can't wait till you get here. We can't, we have something to tell you. And I'm like,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 28:57

Right. Mm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 28:59

you did good, Sandra. You did good. I'm like,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 29:01

Yeah.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 29:01

I'm like, all right. I'm proud. I'm proud that me and my daughters have this relationship.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 29:06

They trust you and they feel safe, right? Yeah. You have to remind yourself in those moments that, if you were not doing at least something right, or if you were not allowing yourself to be vulnerable with them, then they wouldn't come to you with those things and be excited to hang out with you. Cause I had the same relationship with my mom growing up. We weren't as close in age, but she just had, we've got good genes. So a lot of it was that same kind of dynamic, like, Oh, you guys are sisters. Right. And I, so like, Oh no, we're not like, when I think I'm old, it wasn't that obviously, but, and I now I'm probably going to look forward to that with my daughter. And so it, is a very beautiful thing to have because I think that from that perspective, like she was always my mom first and my

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 29:54

Yes. Yes.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 29:56

it's like, she was always going to handle the business. Like I couldn't just be running around here talking a little crazy. Um, but I could definitely come to her with the things that made me feel like uncomfortable or, you know, and just to have that person in your life anywhere. It sounds like you've really, Been very meticulous about choosing who your family is. And I feel like that's such a blessing because a lot of us are in this weird place where we've not chosen our family and we just deal

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 30:25

Mm-Hmm? Mm-Hmm.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 30:26

with who they are because we don't have a choice. Right, right. Yeah. And I think that that's. One thing that social media has really brought to our lives that enriches us is that we can have these communities and these conversations with strangers and form these bonds with people who have maybe gone through similar things as us. There's a lot about social media that causes harm, but I think that that's one of the things that, causes a lot of

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 30:53

Yes. I call it the, uh, hood, Right. Uh, the community, the space that has been created by simply just venting in a creative way on social media. And it's beautiful. And something that came up for me a few weeks ago, when did semester start? Whenever this fall semester started August, for them. I got a lot of the feedback of, Oh, you should let them do it themselves. That way they can learn how to register for school, the FAFSA, the questions, their friends. I've helped over 15 students register set up their financial aid, CCC apply. The registration for college, you know, just navigating the ups and downs of just even starting. but the feedback I got was, let them do it themselves, you know, that way they can learn. They're old enough, they can figure it out. And I'm like, The day I'm no, longer here anymore is the day my girls are going to have to figure shit out on their own I had to figure things out on my own because of the decisions my mother made. I am not my mother. I am present, I am here, and I come with the knowledge, and I come with the experience. So why the hell would I let my kids struggle in trying to register for a class? Why? Why? When that time comes, they'll figure it out. And I don't do it for them. I guide them. I walk them through it. I have them ask me questions and then I answer it for them, right? So there's still a way to educate your children and show them the way without having to constantly always do things for them. Cause yes, I want them to learn. Yes, I want them to be independent, but I'm not going to go ahead and act like I don't have the experience or knowledge. And not give them that when, I didn't have it. Cause I know how lonely and how scary that space can be. So why would I do that to my children? So I was like, come on now, y'all like you really think I'm going to hold back and No, figure it out. No, no.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 32:34

when, like you said, you went at a different experience. Like now we can choose differently. Um, which kind of leads me to my next question. I am really excited to dive into this. I've always been really passionate about foster care, and I would love one day to be able to foster and create a safe space for foster kids. The odds are really stacked against kids in the foster care system with only 50% graduating from high school, 3% attending college, and only 1% earning their degree. That statistic was crazy to me. what can the average person do to support children in the foster care system?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 33:09

I feel like the number one way is becoming a mentor. I think showing up in a space as a foster parent is different versus a mentor. and I feel like I lacked that. I needed a mentor in my life because my foster mom had to be a foster mom. She had to set rules. She had to have expectations. Mind you, I came from a life that I didn't have rules. I didn't have, a bedtime. And then I'm integrating into a life in a world where. People actually sit down and have dinner themselves really and talk about how their day went. People do this like, Oh, okay, cool. but I feel like if I would have had a mentor, it would have been life changing for me. I think my path would have been different. but I know there's a place called Casa, you sign up, you go to a few meetings, you do like a training and whatnot, and you're able to enter these spaces and be a mentor to foster youth who are in different spaces in their life, different times in their life, whether they're getting ready to, transition out and emancipate, or whether they literally just got pulled from their families, or whether they have court dates, you show up in these spaces for them. And I feel like we need that. We need more of that. And it is a very hard space to be in because We are troubled. We are hurting. We are healing. not all of us are angry. Some of us are just hurt, you know, and I feel like that gets translated into whatever that person thinks it is. Like for me in many years, people are like, well, she's angry. She's difficult. She's, I'm not difficult. You're just not listening to me. And I came with a child, my son, so yeah, mama bear was trying to be as protective as possible. And you consider me angry. Yeah, now I'm angry. So Yeah. I became an angry individual. constantly trying to run away, constantly just trying to live life the way I wanted to, because I was like, who are these people? If they already think I'm angry, what else are they saying about me? You know?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 34:54

Mm-Hmm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 34:55

I think just having that mentor who could have had my back in those times, I feel like that would have been best. But just supporting people who talk about their stories on social media, understanding that every story is different. Not everyone has a story that I have. not everyone was able to keep their child while they were in the system. And I understand that, but just being able to show up and just support them, hear them out. Right. here. I'm out because again, every story is different. And I feel like we tend to kind of have this image in our head of what a foster child should be or foster youth and how that should have played out because they put, they took you for one bad family. It's a good family. What are you complaining about?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 35:32

Hmm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 35:33

Some kids get abused, some people, emotionally, physically, mentally, you name it, you see all types of abuse within the system. Even from the social workers, the very individuals who get paid to bring you in and place you, sometimes start building up this resentment towards you, start treating you a certain way. I remember when I was brought in, and this man is still in the same field, he's a supervisor now in San Diego, He told me he's like, you're going to end up just like your mother. It's like, and your son's going to end up back over here. So if you just hop in the car and make things easier for me, let's just move on with our day. You're going to be on drugs, dead or in jail. And it is what it is. He's like, so stop putting up a fight. And I'm just

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 36:12

Wow. Hmm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 36:14

well, sir, I'm not dead. I'm not in jail and I'm not on drugs. So please. I You get pulled from one unsafe space, get put into It's Another where it's supposed to be safe, but yet you have these individuals around you. And again, That's not the case for everyone. There are very amazing social workers. One that I still talk to all the time and we're on social media. So she sees my life, my intake worker who's retired now, messaged me on LinkedIn a few weeks ago, just, I haven't even fully read the full message. It was like a week ago, actually, because I would just start, I started to cry the minute I already read half of it. I'm like, this is my social worker. This is the, saw me through one of my hardest times. So it's nice for people that showed up for me in those spaces to now realize like, damn, Sandra's doing good, good for her. Like, look at her. She didn't turn out to be what all these people thought she would turn out to be. So again, just the mentor part, show up, support, and take people's stories for what they're worth. Don't try to change it up based off of your own personal feelings or what your ideas are. No, just, just hear us out, hear us out and understand that. We're sharing what we're sharing because we want awareness. We need to spread awareness. A lot of work still needs to be done. And I know with the platform that I have, I can definitely assist with that. I just haven't been in a space in which I can do that yet. I do it more so like on an education side, like sharing, the beautiful feeling that I felt that day of graduating with my kids watching. in that day, I'm never gonna forget, but, just being able to share that, to increase that number, one percent, that's, it shouldn't be a, that shouldn't even be a thing. One? The amount of resources and support that we get? No, something's wrong. Someone is dropping the bo Yes, something's up out there and man, it's gonna be years and years of work, but it takes all of us sharing our story and just being vulnerable and talking about Yeah, it's not as pretty as people think it is. So,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 38:12

right, right. It's heartbreaking to see because I think like you said you hear of somebody going into foster care and then getting with a good family or what seems to be a good family. And you're like, oh, okay, they're, they're fine now. Well, now they're fine. Like they're going to be fine. I didn't realize that even after that, the odds are still there. Yeah. Stacked against you because there is not a lot of stability and you're basically Ripping a child away from their family or maybe their family member left them and there's a lot of trauma there that still remains So

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 38:43

oh, yeah

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 38:45

normally when they get placed in a home, that's not their home strangers, right really, right, There's definitely some oversight there and there are, people who are in jobs that shouldn't be in their jobs, like you said, like with social workers. I think that's going to be always be the case in many industries that affect people. but this especially just has always been, it makes me angry because these kids are already going through so much. Why make it worse for them? Mm hmm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 39:16

yeah,

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 39:16

Yeah, a lot of stereotypes and stigmas that get attached to, Visualizing, like you said, how that individual is supposed to appear and act and behave without thinking about how did they get here in the first place and let's try to understand maybe the why behind their behavior and why it is this way. Why is a child always leaving and running away? Can we get to that part of it? Instead of villainizing them and saying that's their fault. That's bad. like, don't do that. That's wrong. Hey, I noticed that you are always trying to escape. Let's talk about why that is, right? Get down to, like, the actual root of it. And it wouldn't, it's really not that difficult to find the answer when you know their background and where they came from,

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 40:06

it's not hard to sit down and actually shut up for a minute and listen Listen to what we have to say Don't sit there and push us to say what you want to hear what you want us to say hear us out And if we're not ready to talk, we're not ready to talk. I'm sorry You I'm no longer living with my parent. I no longer have my siblings with me. You know what kind of shit I just went through and you want me to be vulnerable with you and I just met you five minutes ago? Seriously? Come on now. It doesn't take an education or a book or a degree to understand that. Or to even know that. It's compassion and if you're in that field, you need that. And some of these people lack that a hundred percent. And it's infuriating just to even know that these are the people that, and, and that could, that plays into the 1%, that plays into the 3%, right. Because they push you on, Oh, you need to get a job when you get out. What are you going to do? How are you going to survive? Oh my gosh. You're this, you're that, you're ungrateful. You're whatever it may be. And it's like, Why is it always being, why are we always being pushed to find a job? Education is an, it's an option. It's a possibility. The resources are out there. I remember working at the EOPS office at Mount Sac for nine months and the student, she looks so nervous. I can already tell something was up and she was with a lady. You could tell a social worker from a social worker. Come on. I was like, She's a social worker. I was like, but I'm not gonna assume she's a foster youth. So you know what? I was like, all Right. how can I help you? She comes up, she goes, well, they told me to come here for something. And I was like, okay, well tell me more about you. And she's talking to me, ladies over there, click clacking on her phone, rolling her eyes. But she goes, come on, she's snapping her fingers. And I'm like, oh no, she, I, I'm not the one, I am not that today, lady. Today you're gonna learn. So she's over here snapping her fingers. She goes, okay, so did you ask? She goes, I don't know what to ask. And I was like, and who are you? And she goes, Oh, I'm a social worker. She's supposed to be here. And I was like, she's supposed to be here doing what she was asking questions. And I was like, and what are you supposed to be here for? She's like, uh, well, I'm supposed to bring her. I'm like, and help her. Right. That is part of your job as well. Right. Not just to get her here, not just to be the transportation, but to support her and help her navigate this space that she has no idea about. So how about you step off your phone and do your job before I make a phone call? I was like, this is not okay. This child is lost. She's not even out of high school yet. And you expect her to know what to do?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:20

And what questions to ask. Right. And where to go.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:23

So I ended up sharing my

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:24

do with her

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:25

with her and I said, I'm a DM away. I'm a phone call away on there. Reach out whenever I'll be here. You can come find me here. And I told her my days and everything, but I was just like, that's supposed to encourage us to pursue higher ed. Really? No. In that case, let me just find a job at McDonald's and call it a day and have them shut up and get off my back. You know, so it's just, it's frustrating. very frustrating to see that, you know, and then we get to this whole 1 percent cool. Then what? What happens then?

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:55

Right.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 42:56

What do I do now? I'm not even doing anything in regards to my degree. I'm doing communications and marketing now and I'm self taught. My platform taught me that I didn't get a degree in that. I taught myself how to do that because I don't have that support. I don't have those connections that are, Hey, you know, come apply here. I know people Right. now. No, there's no experience at all either. Like, come on, I got my degree now. What

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 43:20

Mm-Hmm.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 43:21

it's that relationship between education now and being a foster youth and just trying to survive in this world

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 43:27

Yeah.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 43:28

in between all that Right, now because I feel like entrepreneurship. It's where it's gonna be for me But at the same time I want to honor my degree. I want to honor the 1 percent I want to honor the person That I've become to prove people that I was not going to be what they thought I was going to be like my maternal side of the family. I strive every day to be better than yesterday to show them, look, I'm going places, I'm doing things and I'm okay. Okay. And I will figure it out as always.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 43:58

It sounds like at each level you reach a different type of difficulty. Mm-Hmm. So, okay, great. We got you to graduate from high school. Amazing. Incredible. You've already beat thoughts by 50%. Right. Um, but then it's like, okay, well, what are the next steps? I don't always. have to pursue higher education, right? Like you said, at the beginning of the episode, or what if I really do want to pursue higher education? Do I have to feel like it's this rigid pick one, stick with one and get your degree and find a job in that industry? And that's your life, right? Or can we teach these kids how? We nourish other students and other young people that life is very fluid and you don't have to stick to one thing. I can't tell you how many times I changed my mind as a 18, 20 something about what it is that I was going to do. And it was very different from what I had originally planned and making that okay. And making them understand like you have the opportunity to change your mind just like the next person and you shouldn't let these pressures from these outside worldviews or these outside opinions of a social worker who really didn't give you the time of the day to begin with. So their opinion should automatically have less weight to it because they really didn't help you get to that point. There were maybe other people in your life or yourself. You have that intrinsic motivation. You're like, I'm just going to go ahead and do it. Right. Because there are other, um, external motivating factors that are like, Hey, there's a lot of people saying some stuff about me that I know is not true. And it's like, I'm going to prove to myself that it's not true. And they could just watch. Right.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 45:39

Yeah.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 45:39

We talk about that a lot. Is that the outsider perspective, your opinion, like, how does that affect how we behave? how we go through our everyday life, how we show up here on the podcast. Right. and we're honestly just kind of like, whatever. Think it. Right. At this point, culturally. Yes. Think it. I don't

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 45:58

all we can do because we're not gonna be authentic and we're not gonna be true to ourselves if we try to. shift who we are and how we are, how we speak, how we walk, depending on what others expect from us. And I've. Cross that a few times on this platform. And I honestly don't give a crap about what people think about the word or what people think that I'm sharing. Like at one point I shared that I was going out with my friend who, she took me on a San Diego trip for my birthday and it was a girl's weekend. Just living a little for my birthday. Mind you, it was my first time ever leaving for my birthday. I've never left my kids. I never did anything outside of my 13 year relationship. It was just me learning how to be me outside of mom, outside of nurse, outside of employee. And this person just had a whole thing to say on social media. And I'm like, you don't get it, do you? I'm like, all Right. cool. And I'm not going to explain it to you either. You can struggle on your own in your own little world that you have. Whatever idea you have in your head of whatever my platform is supposed to look like, like, all Right. yeah, no. But then you get the other comments was like, you go girl, you live your best life. Go out there. You know, you're smiling, you're laughing, you're dancing. And I'm like, well, that's, yeah, that's what we're supposed to. be doing. Empowering one another. Right. But you, you get two different sides on, social media and you

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:11

Oh, I love watching people go out. Are you kidding? I'm like, yes, I can't do that right now, but I'm going to live through you. In this social media posts, because we saw that you went to, one of the drafted

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:21

I did. I

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:22

and we've been wanting to go so bad, but they sell out of the ladies

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:25

They do fast. They do. Yes. That

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:29

Was That really

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 47:30

it was a lot of fun. And honestly, I went in because I wanted to watch the game. My kids had plans and I don't want to watch it here by myself. So I was like, where can I go watch it? And then when I seen, I was like, you know what? I'm going, I'm going to go by myself. I don't care. So I went by myself. There's only five Padres fans in the whole little place that they had rented out. Everyone was Dodger fans. I was like, It's cool. But we, I ended up meeting five. Badass girls, and we stuck together the whole night, we danced, we sung, and I actually just went out with them to a Halloween party this weekend. They're in Oceanside and San Marcos, or Vista, and we went out this weekend, and it was just like, Oh, my gosh, we already have a Friendsgiving planned, we have a concert we're going to in November. So, Yeah. I may not have met someone, and that's cool, because I wasn't expecting to meet someone on my first drafted

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:20

Right. Right.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:21

but I did walk out with new friends. So it's, having that mindset of, okay, I'm not going to go in looking For love or a connection. You can meet friends. You can meet friends. I know I did. Hey, I'm good. I could take All there's room for many in my life. So that I walked out just meeting new people and it was, it was great. It was such a good time for sure.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:42

That sounds like so much fun. Well, that's good. Yeah. We definitely want to get to one. So maybe we'll see you at the next one. We're always like, we think they're going to do the, obviously baseball season is done for us.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:53

know.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:54

Um, I know they're probably going to do a lot more Padres games just from like the polls that they

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 48:59

Oh yes.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:00

next season. And I think they're going to start doing soccer. And so we really want to go see the San Diego women's soccer team. Cause it's so fun. I don't know if you've ever been to like a live soccer game.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:10

No, never.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:11

so fun. Like I underestimated how fun the games are. It's really fun.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:17

I actually had a talk with them at the event. I said, Hey, we should definitely collab. We could do like a drafted chingonas type event outside of the sporting world, you know, And just, just bring a lot of people like who went to the same college. What major do you have? You know, like connect on that level and being able to hold like very, I don't know, different conversations. Right. Um, so, I know I need to keep talking to them about it, but I'm like, That would be a good idea. I was like, let's do it. I'm so down because it was so much fun. It was so much fun. So, so

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:46

good.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:46

if you guys. make it to one, let me know. I'll go.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 49:49

Awesome. We'll reach out. And if anyone listening is in the San Diego area, there's a group called drafted and they hold events for you to mingle me, other singles. But like Sandra saying, sometimes you just walk out of there with friends and that is great too. I'm always open to any possibilities.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:04

Yes.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:06

Yeah. So can you share with our audience some more information about where they can find you on social media?

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:13

Yes. I am on Instagram primarily, at educated chingona. I also have a second page. It's chingonaology, the study of being a chingona, where I'm hoping to create a space where we generate funds for women pursuing higher ed and just experiencing hardships. so that's still. a passion project of mine that I'm trying to work out. but yes, educated chingona on Instagram and I have more links on my link tree as well in regards to like my website. that's where you can find me.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:41

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for all of your time today.

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:44

you.

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:44

on some of these topics, we could have just kept going. Yeah. We do have to set ourselves off quite often. Yeah. Well, again. We loved this conversation and hopefully we'll talk to you again

sandra-_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:54

Thank you so much. I appreciate you All

empaths-anonymous_1_10-28-2024_123439: 50:58

Thank you.

51:04

​Well, what a lovely and important conversation to have had with Sandra. We are very thankful to her for being so open, honest, vulnerable, being able to share parts of her story that are clearly very difficult for her to share. And That she feels comfortable enough with us and with our listeners, the feelers to have had that space and the ability and capability to do that. So we are very thankful to her. That's not an easy thing to do. Um, especially when you're still working through it as we all are still working through our things. And so we really commend her and we definitely give her snaps kudos. Yeah. All the things. Cause that's not something that we ever expect. any of our guests to do. We always preface the conversation with whatever you're comfortable with sharing. Please share whatever you do not want to share. Absolutely do not. It's always entirely up to them really. Yeah. And that's how it should be because you should never pressure someone to talk about something that they're not ready to talk about. Oh, for sure. And our heart goes out to her making it happen, especially when a lot of the time you don't really know how to answer that question. I don't really know how I'm making it happen. I think that we, I think that we find ourselves, you and I in that space a lot of the time as well of like, whatever it is that I'm experiencing in this moment, I'm not really sure how I'm surviving it, but I just am. Yeah. And so for her to have been able to create this family and create this support system, parts of her story are very heartbreaking. But that just led into what was heartwarming also about her situation and her being able to really, I don't know, muster up the courage, which is so difficult to do when you're struggling and coming out of dark places and really going in and out, because like we say, depression is not something that you just have once and then it goes away. It's a very, very real feeling to be there. And then the next day you have a better day, but then the day after that, it's horrible again, not to say I'm diagnosing anyone here on this podcast, but those feelings. Of depression those feelings of anxiety are very real. And so again, we thank Sandra for coming on Yeah, I think that a lot of times when we're reaching out to a guest and they just have a lot on their resume Or they're doing so much. I mean she is a nurse. She just graduated. She graduated recently with her bachelor's. Yes Co wrote a book is going to work on another book has multiple passion projects that are activism and support You Related for the communities that she's passionate about and raises four kids. I'm just like, I don't have half of those things. And I'm just like struggling to make it through my week, you know? So I was very, almost intimidated. And then we get on the call with her and I'm like, she's just normal, regular, like you and me. Which it's always refreshing to be reminded that mad ass chingonas like can do a lot and still are just Going through the motions to survive every day and just get themselves through the task, right? It's nice to always have these conversations where you know Someone is in the middle of the fight very much how we are and just trying to figure out what works for us And not necessarily anticipating ever getting out of something But understanding that no matter what life will Uh, always manipulate things and you just have to be able to adapt and it doesn't necessarily mean that that's easy. It doesn't really mean that it gets any easier, but when you do find the tools to help you, you can recall. a moment in your life where it was like, okay, I felt like this at this moment and I used this tool to help me cope. It doesn't necessarily mean that we are and all be all experts, right? So it's nice to talk to someone who is really in the thick of figuring things out while still making shit happen for her platform, for things that she wants to strive to be better at, because that is it. Honestly, the reality of everyone's life, whether they're being honest about it or not. We really appreciate her honesty and we want to know what you guys think. So before we pray and close out this episode, we wanted to let you know that you can follow us on Instagram at empaths, a non pod. We will continue to share what it is that we're up to. And of course, clips from every episode as we do. That's pretty much it. I think. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Thank you guys for getting us to 100 followers, which I don't care if people think that that's silly to celebrate, but I'm celebrating zero. It's yeah, it's exciting. And of course, follow us on whatever app you listen to the podcast on so that you can know when we post a new episode, which is every Wednesday. Wednesdays are for feeling. Wednesdays are for feeling. On Wednesdays, we feel. We feel. True. On Wednesdays, we podcast. If you made it to the end of this episode, please comment with a graduation cap. Yay! That's cute. Let us pray. Spirit, grant me the serenity to thrive despite my circumstances. Be courage to take my story into my own hands. And the wisdom to not read a social worker that doesn't belong in that job when they try me. And so it is. Bye feelers! We'll see you next week!