Embracing Neurodiversity and Unpacking Complex Trauma with Brittany Ellis

This week – THE PODCAST TURNS ONE and it's officially Mental Health Awareness Month!

Join us as we celebrate one year of Empaths Anonymous. We talk about our Cowboy Carter experience, announce our new podcast rebrand, and we each give our favorite episode so far and what we've learned as new podcasters. 

THEN we are joined by Brittany Ellis for a special chat on neurodivergence and complex trauma. 

If you were to ask Brittany her most favorite parts of life--she would say "being a black woman". As the founder of 2BE Well Therapy, author, and clinical mental health therapist in the state of Florida, Brittany’s passion for women’s issues extends beyond her clinical practice. She is a sought-after researcher, author, and presenter frequently sharing her insights at conferences and workshops around topics for women with anxiety and postpartum depression. Her work serves to empower and uncover limiting beliefs and mentality to help women prosper and thrive in the current times

Connect with Brittany:

Website | Instagram | Sacred Self Care Workbook

Danie and Crystina's favorite pod episodes:

Overcoming Obstacles With Flying Colors with Soco Rey

Latina Enough: Navigating Identity and Being an Ẽnye with Denise Soler Cox

Check out Happy Girl Club and come to an event with us!

Website | Instagram

00:00 Intro clip
00:30 Welcome to Empath Anonymous
01:10 One Year Podcast Anniversary Celebration
01:53 Beyoncé's Cowboy Carter Tour Experience
05:09 Rebranding Announcement
07:22 Looking Back on Our Favorite Episodes + Takeaways From Year One
16:23 Happy Girl Ambassadors Announcement
19:22 Introducing Brittany Ellis
20:06 Discussing Neurodiversity
20:29 Brittany's Journey as a Therapist
24:04 Challenges in the Mental Health Field
29:01 Understanding Neurodivergence
42:45 Complex Trauma in BIPOC Women
48:41 Finding Community and Resources
52:42 Outro

Transcript

Brittany Ellis: 0:00

Let's be real. Ever since social media came out. I think a neurodivergence is a bigger symptom, right? Of something larger that's happening in society because you're telling me all of these kids got ADHD, all of us young adults we're just now coming out with ADHD and autism like. That don't really feel like, oh, this is just happening. It feels like it's a, a bigger systemic issue and that this is just a result of the things that we as a people are collectively going through.

Empaths Anonymous Intro: 0:31

Welcome to Empath Anonymous, a space for dreamers, healers, and feelers. Navigating the fine line between putting yourself first and holding space for others. If you struggle with balancing your needs while still supporting your tribe, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the support group.

Empaths Anonymous: 0:52

Hi everyone. Welcome to welcome back to Empath's Anonymous podcast. I'm Danie. And I'm Crystina. And today, as always, we're always gonna set you guys up with a good old time. We have an amazing guest and kicking off mental health awareness month. We are so excited to talk all things mental health. But first. We are celebrating. Happy birthday to you. Happy We're one. We're one years old. I know you've been saying that feels like we're so little and babies, but I know. Whatever. Happy one year to the pod. Happy one year to the pod. May is our one year anniversary of Empaths Anonymous podcast and we're just so grateful and thankful. To have sat here with each other, with y'all for the last year and really, yeah. Spill our guts, honestly. Thanks to you guys. Thanks for riding for a week. Yes. And we just really appreciate how far we've come and yeah. We're gonna get into birthday celebrations, but first, yes. What's in your cup, sister? What's in my cup? Because I am having a. Beyonce hangover is the vibes. Blueberry, mint? Mm-hmm. Ugh. The lights, you guys. The lights. I'm sorry. It's vibes. It's vibes. And, uh, mind and body mood drink with magnesium. Sipping on a little bit of what I had left of that. Uh, because yeah, I'm very much in recovery mode because we had a very busy weekend. Mm-hmm. We went and saw Cowboy Carter tour, which we've been so excited for since February. Mm-hmm. And it was absolutely amazing. Our seats got upgraded. First of all, I surprised her with closer tickets. Mm-hmm. So we were in the three hundreds. I upgraded to the floor, and then when we got there, our seats were not there. So it was a whole fiasco. We were so anxious and nervous because the intro was introing. She was about to come out and the girl at guest services was taking her sweet time with her sticky notes. Sticky notes was on one. Yes. Very sweet. Very like, yes, kind. Yes. I, we had to practice a lot of patience. Yeah. Because we didn't know what was going on and they weren't really saying anything. It was us. We were the problem there. It was because we were so anxious that Beyonce was gonna come out. I really don't even, we had no seats. I really don't even think we were standing there for five minutes. It felt like 30. Yeah, it felt like an eternity. It felt like a long, periodically time. Yeah. Because I didn't know my chairs were missing and I didn't know what was gonna happen. I didn't know where we were going. Okay. I just needed to sit down before my queen came out on stage. It was an amazing time. There's no way I could even really put into words like what the experience was. Just know I was sobbing. Yeah, just know it was sobbing. Yeah, it was incredible. I mean, it's an incredibly like emotional experience, like it really is. I mean, we've talked about this before. People are sleeping on Cowboy Carter. It is such a profound political and even matriarchal album period. I don't need to say more. I'm not gonna argue with anyone else ever again about Cowboy Carter. If you don't like it, I don't care. Yeah, you then you don't, it's, it's almost just like if you don't get it, that's okay. Exactly. That's fine. I don't, and there are people that I not elaborate get and they left halfway through the set and I'm like, thank you.'cause now I can shake my ass in peace. It was crazy. And sat right next to us. Yeah. Like so nonchalant. Like the one thing you need to be shalon about in your life is going to Beyonce concert and sitting on and on the floor. Yeah. Like be Shalon. Anyway, be so full blown. I don't even care. Be so full blown. If you wanna see, give it up more content about our experience and like share with us all the funsies. Yes. Please put us on TikTok@empathsanonpod. Yeah. Always linked in the show notes.'Cause we had a very, we had a lot of fun doing content for Beyonce. We did. We've been on our content game. We've been on our content game and what's really cool is what you can find on TikTok is totally different than what we post on Instagram and YouTube. Correct. Even if you follow us on either of those platforms, also follow us on TikTok.'cause we're gonna see different things. It's a more, it's a more like intimate view in our lives as friends, right. And individually. So please follow and see our personalities a lot more. It's, I mean, TikTok is just more fun. Yes, it's very much fun. Instagram gives me business card. It it is, it's a business card. Yeah. Instagram is becoming what Facebook was. True. 10 years ago. Yeah, 10, 12 years ago. And because it's Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that was really what's in my cup. I guess what I'm drinking on is a cut water espresso martini, because that's just the vibes today for the anniversary. You know, the vibes. But we have some really fun announcements. Do you wanna say, I. We do you guys, so one of the secrets we've been keeping from you guys is we have rebranded the podcast. So if you are listening on Apple or Spotify, you can probably tell because we changed the PO Art. If you're listening on YouTube, go ahead and check out our new PO Art. It is, she's gorgeous. We love her. Absolutely. Shout out to at Sydney's eye for doing all of our pictures. So not only the pot art, but we also just have new branding photos across the board. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So check it, check it out. Check us out on everywhere We have like more official photos. Mm-hmm. Because I'll let you guys know now that those pictures are, you know. Put to rest, R-E-P-R-I-P. Our original photos were in this room and we just thumb tacked a sheet to the wall and took some photos. So we have professional photos done. Mm-hmm. And just new branding across the board. We worked with a social media person too, and so it's just, we're just chef's kiss, chef's kiss all the way around. Obsolete. The photo shoot was so fun to do together. It was so fun to put together the looks and just have fun. Yeah. And I think that part of the fun was The artist Sydney's eye. Yes. Just knew exactly what we needed and wanted and delivered on all levels possible. And so we really hope you guys love it because we love it so much. So much. We've been like holding ourselves back from using the photos. Yes. For like two months. Want you so bad? It's been two months you guys. We had this photo shoot in March. And so we've been sitting on these photos waiting to use them. Mm-hmm. So now we can like finally put our new branding out into the world. And I feel like it's just a little bit more official than what we had before. Yeah. And it's just, we're very much grassroots. Yeah. And it's just a little bit more of us too. I think that we just at the beginning needed to get those pictures out so it's like, oh hey, here's a picture of us. But now I just feel like this photo shoot really, said a lot about us as the podcast and just who we are as people, and it was so much fun and such a good time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so yeah, that's a really fun, exciting announcement. And yeah, like we said, we're just so grateful and thankful to you all for writing it out and we are looking forward to so many more amazing conversations with our guests with each other. Yeah. We have really fun stuff planned for the summer. So you guys have to, we do keep an eye out. We do. But speaking of that, mm-hmm. Looking back over the past year in this spirit of birthdays, what has been, it's two questions, two pronged. What has been your favorite episode that's been released so far, and your favorite thing that has come from podcasting, whether it's a lesson or a fun opportunity or what have you? Of course, all the things. Let's just preface by saying when I am going to pick my favorite episode, I'm not picking a favorite guest. It's more so like I'm picking a favorite conversation. So my favorite episode up until this point is being Enya with Denise. It was really profound for me and I love. Love, love the work that she's doing to make all of us feel included. And I love how vulnerable she was in sharing her own personal story. And it just, I think at the time that we recorded with her and really set episode, it was such a really good push of motivation. Yeah. And we found her so organically. I think just being Latina enough is just like. It resonates across so many cultures being enough of something, especially when you identify so much within a culture. Yeah. And I just. Adore her as a person. Adore the conversation. Obsess, obsess her so much. Her energy energy's just so magnetic. Please follow her on Instagram. Yeah. And we'll link that episode in show notes. Yes, always. And my favorite thing that I've learned, or I guess, uh, what I've enjoyed the most, is on top of just learning so many things about myself throughout this process. Learning things about Crystina. I think as a whole, I've learned so much about our friendship and some of the things that can test it, but we really do well, like we've said before, with communicating with one another and building up a friendship in the time and space that we were in when we started the podcast. Up until now in this point, I mean, the opportunities that have presented themselves to us are just. Kind of mind blowing. Mm-hmm. And us being so little, we're, we're still one, we're still in our infancy. I think that there's so many more fun things on the horizon, and I am just so grateful to do it with a person who just gets me. Mm. And like my weirdness and sometimes my inability to like, I don't know, find. The confidence I think in myself. It's just this kind of rock situation. You know, it's a reliability thing. It's knowing that I can come to her with the truth. And being able to do that with like, extending each other grace and love and just really. Building a stronger friendship I think that we had, that we've had even over the last like 14 years. Right? Yeah. I mean, and it helps too, that we're like in the same roof. Under the same roof. Yes. But I think that as, I mean, maybe some of you who are listening relate, like anytime you build something, start something. Mm-hmm. Work on something together with a close friend. Like if you're going to see a different side of somebody. Mm-hmm. And it is going to like create a different type of intimacy because you're gonna have to learn how to communicate under pressure. Under stress, maybe disagree about things and have to come to a compromise. Mm-hmm. Things like that. So, and, and good things too. You have somebody to celebrate good things with too. Yes. It's not just like working through the hard shit. It's like also the really good things and being able to like be at a place together where you're both getting these opportunities and you can shine together. Mm-hmm. And elevate together is really a special thing to experience with somebody else. It'd be really different, I think if I was doing this by myself, I think that I maybe wouldn't. Celebrate the small wins and appreciate the small things by myself.'cause I would just be pushing, pushing forward, you know? Right.'cause you don't have the other person there to remind you like the small things matter and they build toward bigger things. So I think we always get that question. And because we do it together so often it's like not something that we always think about, but for the most part, you know. When we're asked about it, we're like, oh, like it must be so nice to do it together. And I'm like, you know what, I guess. So it's like, yes. Like we don't think about it because we just decided to start it together and, and we're still doing it, it together. So it's just like a natural thing for us. But mm-hmm. I think for both of us, it was like, we wouldn't do this by ourselves. No. So it's like it was either do it with somebody or don't. Yeah, exactly. And we both don't really have anybody else we would've wanted to do it with. So No, it was kind of like each other or nothing. Exactly. Yeah. I think no one, like, it's tough to get another person in that way. Mm. It's like, it's tough to like have such a foundation of friendship and then decide to like start working with someone in a different capacity. Right. But I think we've handled it. Very well, and we honor our, we honor each other's individual needs and our needs together as co-hosts. But yeah. All that being said, what was your favorite episode? My favorite episode, and again, like Danie said, I love all of our guests. We handpick our guests, actually hand selected. Yes. Whether it's we. Have connected with them out in real life at an event or something, or a pair of social relationship on social media mm-hmm. Or whatever it may be. Or we just think like, Hey, we wanna talk about Neurodivergence, who's a guest, who is our expert on Neurodivergence. We just find our guests that fits the need or that fits the energy of the podcast that we need. Which I think is why we have such like. Magnetic conversations. Yes. But I digress. My favorite episode is Overcoming Adversity With Flying Colors, with Soko. Uh, loved that episode. I think that it was just a very timely episode. It was an episode I needed, it came out like right after the election. And so yeah, that was my favorite episode as far as content of the conversation. Mm-hmm. Then my favorite thing is, it's funny that you mentioned confidence, because that's definitely something that has been my favorite part, is seeing my confidence grow. Because, I mean, I've always been an online girly, I've always been a consumer. Mm-hmm. You know, whether it's. I'm a huge YouTube person. I love TV shows. I love, you know, social media. Like we were huge Tumblr girls back in the day. Now, like, I'm always not, I wouldn't say always, but I'm on TikTok a lot. Mm-hmm. And just, you know, always into bands and Celebrities and pop culture and everything. Where was I going with that? Oh, and so I've always really had an interest in media and I, I mean, I went to school for media, but I just never really had the confidence to be the person behind the mic. And so the podcast really pushed me to do that. I also always like was really interested in content creation. I just like didn't really know like, what do I do? What do I talk about? And so the podcast really just pushed me to like. Figure it out. And now, I mean, you guys can follow me on my personal too, now I just be posting random tiktoks all the time just'cause it's fun. Yeah. You know, so it really did push me to like do the things and be the person that I think that I've wanted to be for probably the past decade. Mm-hmm. And just, you know, didn't really have the tools or the, or the knowledge and experience, I guess. Mm-hmm. I had. That's true. Yeah. So that's, we always talk about like the fear of being perceived in a certain way, but it's like no matter what, it's like you're gonna be perceived. So it's like we kind of just had to like throw that shit out the window. Right. And post the shit anyway. And for the most part, the stuff that we post, we are really proud of it. We laugh at it. Right. And so we know that you guys are probably enjoying it too. And if not, that's okay. Like I know we're gonna find our people. Yeah. And so I think that's just such a. Such a beautiful part of this experience. And so I love that very much. And so I think that before we get into the meat of the episode, yeah. We are going to celebrate. And we got a couple of cookies too. Absolutely. We've got a cookies and cream. Cookies and cream milkshake. What's the middle one? Raspberry raspberry cheesecake and Oreo milkshake. And then, no, no, I'm sorry, I just said the Oreo milkshake. What's the, what's the lemon one? Lemon cupcake. Lemon cupcake. Yes, but it's a cookie and a trace leche cake. Shout out to crumble. Please sponsor us one day. Thank you Temecula Crumble. Absolutely. So, Happy birthday to us. Happy birthday. Happy anniversary. It's our anniversary. Let's blow it out. Ready? Let's do that. Two, three. Oh, that'll be a cute screen wrap. Yay. Awesome. We are one. We are one. I mean, we can't eat the cake, but let's try the cookies. Ouch. Yeah, we thought it was gonna be like a little bit too difficult to eat the cake. So we are gonna do a, let's call this just like a crumble. I want that one too. Impromptu. Cheers. Crumble. Cheers. Cheers. Happy one year. This is the lemon cupcake. Mm-hmm. She is a little dry. I was gonna say it's crunchier. It's a crunchier crumble cookie than I'm used to. Yeah. I don't mind it. And I mean, I got it like a few hours ago, but not that long ago. It was good. It's maybe, it's supposed to be more like a, it's like a sugar cookie. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like the, I like the frosting, the flavor's nice. Mm-hmm. But to keep moving along. Mm-hmm. We do have one more announcement for you guys, and that is that we have been chosen as Happy Girl Ambassadors, which means that we will start doing events with Happy Girl here in Temecula. So, yay. Yeah, we're so excited to start the journey. It really just provided us with a way and a space to be able to get out into the community and meet you guys a lot sooner than if we were having to like plan events on our dollar and budget. Let me just be totally frank'cause we do all of this completely with our own budget. We are an indie. Podcast, we are in d and d, self fun did bitches. Mm-hmm. For now. Yeah. So it just provided us for a space to be able to hold events. Mm-hmm. Build community, make friendships, meet some of you guys mm-hmm. That live here in Temecula, Marietta, and beyond. Shut the fuck up. A lot sooner. So follow Happy Girl on Instagram. It's at Happy Girl Club. Yes. And follow Emily. She's the founder. It's at Classy Casita. Mm-hmm. And that's where you'll be able to see all of the events that we start by this time. Hopefully there should be an announcement on our first. Event, it's gonna be our kickoff event, mic lab. It's gonna be our kickoff event, and we have a plan for it. We're just going back and forth between two dates, so I don't wanna stay on the pod right now because it may not be the official date. Mm-hmm. So keep an eye on Instagram. I'm sure that we'll reshare it too on our podcast and everything. Absolutely. And if you guys are in the area, or even in the surrounding areas, and you wanna drive from. San Diego, OC Riverside, anywhere to come where it's going to be like a wine and game night sunset event. It's gonna be fun, you guys. Yeah. If you think that you wanna come out here and you wanna enjoy your day in Temecula, like obviously you can come hours earlier, you could do your own thing before the event and then just come join us at where we're gonna be at, which we'll be announced later on. Mm-hmm. But it's gonna be so much fun. We are so excited for this opportunity. I think that we've talked about. Cultivating and creating community for so long, and it feels like such an incredible opportunity to be here, even just one year in and us being able to do this and really start the summer off like in such a really exciting and fun way. So yeah, we are very excited. Those excited. A aligned opportunity too, because Emily is just all about positivity, empowerment, encouragement, happy girl is so diverse as well, which is another reason why like relief said yes. So it is really a space where everybody can come and feel welcomed. So if you are scared to come by yourself or maybe bring a bestie, or you've never done something like this before, mm-hmm. Please know that we are doing this with the utmost intent of making everybody feel welcomed. Comfort, warm, fuzzy, comfortable. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. There's so many fun things to come out of this opportunity. Like we are trying to jam pack the summer, I promise. Yes. Like we're trying to do the thing. And we are really excited to see everyone come out. I think it's gonna be a really good time. And with that I know that's like. Kind of it how we're just gonna celebrate our one year. Yeah. And we wanna introduce our amazing and incredible guest for Mental Health Awareness Month. It is Brittany Ellis, obsessed love who we just adore. Her energy. I think that she came on like ready to go and she was excited for the conversation. And we always are. So we always come with that energy, right? So I love when it's reciprocated. Yeah. I love when people can like. Share and like, kinda like bask right. In the same exchange. Yeah. And so, we talk about so many good things and I really enjoyed our conversation and yeah, we hope that you just enjoy it as well and let us know what you thought. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we do, we were even like kerfuffle, mind blown speechless as some of the things that she taught us. Mm-hmm. So as always, we're, we're still learning as well, so. Let us know like what your aha moment was. If there's anything that you learned from the episode, as you can tell from the title, we're gonna be talking a lot about, uh, neurodiversity. Mm-hmm. And what that means in your brain. We're also talking about how black and brown women experience mental health and care healthcare in general differently. So we hope that you enjoy. And without further ado, here's our combo with Brittany. Hi feelers. Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're sitting down with Brittany Ellis. She is the founder of To Be Well Therapy author and clinical mental health therapist her passion for women's issues extend beyond her clinical practice. She's a sought after researcher, author, and presenter, frequently sharing her insights at conferences and workshops around topics for women with anxiety and postpartum depression. Her work serves to empower and uncover limiting beliefs and mentality to help women prosper and thrive in the current times. Welcome to the podcast, Brittany.

Brittany Ellis: 21:01

Thank you ladies. It feels so nice to be here and you guys are so beautiful, like real beautiful online, but seeing you move and be here in person, I love it. I love it here already.

Empaths Anonymous: 21:13

Oh my gosh, what a compliment. Thank, thank you so much. Thank you so much. That is so sweet. Yeah, we try our best to show up like as authentically and just the reality is the reality. It's like how we show up on the couches, how we show up on the couch. So yeah. Thank you so much. And some we're done up some days we're not at all. So yeah, today was the day where I was feeling good. Yeah, we are feeling really good. Got. A big day, but it's good. We're feeling that Taurus new moon. We're gonna get into the astrologies we are, but uh, hone it back in'cause we can get carried away on that one. We have a segment on the show where we ask our guests what is in their cup. So if you are drinking on anything, hydrating yourself and what is in your cup of life and how are you showing up today?

Brittany Ellis: 21:53

So in my cup, this cup is from Tampa General Hospital. I was supposed to have a home birth and it turned into a c-section. And every day I'm reminded with my little cup.'cause I also have really never been in a hospital before. So I call it my hospital cup. And I am drinking old water now, I wanna say old because I never like actually dump it out or I just keep adding and adding and adding to it. So it's like, it's a, it's a mixture of something in there, but it's water. It's just old water, I would say.

Empaths Anonymous: 22:27

that's real. That's real. I mean, eventually, if you think about it, like the old water's always gonna be at the bottom. It's not because it gets mixed in, but you know what I mean, like you're

Brittany Ellis: 22:38

Yes. Mm-hmm. Exactly. Every time

Empaths Anonymous: 22:42

Yeah. Well, good. And then how are you showing up today? How are you feeling?

Brittany Ellis: 22:47

I feel very inspired. Anytime I get to. Do things. And I say things, it's very broad. Like today I'm doing a podcast, but anytime I get to do things with other ambitious women, it makes me feel very fuzzy in like this fire that I have. I feel so empowered and like a part of something. So, I don't know the word for that, but I'm feeling so I guess I feel really good to just be here and meet y'all.

Empaths Anonymous: 23:17

Hmm, thank you. Yes, we

Brittany Ellis: 23:19

Thank.

Empaths Anonymous: 23:19

feel the same. I love getting to collaborate with women and when we started the podcast, we specifically set out to talk to women in the mental health space and the creative space and the wellness space, but specifically black and brown women because we are the ones that are called on less so lights me up to be able to do that.

Brittany Ellis: 23:42

Yeah, same, same. And then it, it shows you that like you're not the only one trying to like make it or trying to do it. So every time I'm with other women who are doing it, I just feel like, look at us doing it.

Empaths Anonymous: 23:54

We're doing it. All right, so let's just dive in'cause I wanna hear more about your journey and your path to becoming a therapist. So, what are some of the challenges that you may have faced on your journey to becoming a therapist as a woman of color?

Brittany Ellis: 24:11

I, I think it, the education part is like where it starts.'cause actually, like, you know, you gotta go through undergrad, you gotta. Get your masters, like there's levels to it. And that's not so much the hard part. It's like going to school and doing the schooling, getting into school, but then you get into school and you realize you're like the only you in a space. So I went to Northwestern University. I'm a Chicago native, and so that's a, that's like the school in Chicago. They're like, minority rate is like the 2%, the 6%. So you know who you're gonna be seeing in these programs don't look like you. And then the mental health field as a whole is 70% white women. So it's a very like white women field. And so just in class, you know, there's something called case conceptualization and it's basically how you get information about a client and what you do with that information. And I remember one specific project that. We got a case and I could tell by the writeup that this was probably a black or brown woman, and six outta the seven people in my group was like, I would report her and I immediately was like, well, hold on. Right? And then I kind of gave my feedback and although they weren't on it, we went to the ethical guidebook, which showed that with what this woman presented with, you couldn't report her. And so that let me know so much going into this field that there's a reason why black and brown children go to foster care at higher rates or black and brown women are reported at higher rates is because we have these people in the field who don't have a cultural background or sensitivity to issues that are primarily black and brown issues. So I found myself like fighting for my clients all the time, or fighting for a story or fighting to educate people who, it wasn't my job to educate you. It's like you're supposed to be doing this work to educate yourself because this is what you're about to do in the world, and it's just like they never did. And I think for me it was always this internal fight of like, do I play good cop? Pacify, nod my head. Agree or do I ruffle feathers and be like, hell no. This is kind of crazy. We can't do this. And so that was always a constant conflict through my education and becoming a counselor. But now that I am one, I had to start my own practice because I'm like to be merged with people who just don't get the things that you need to get to work with. Certain populations bother me heavily.

Empaths Anonymous: 26:47

And I'm gonna put it there. Yeah. And full stop. Yeah. It's so true. I mean, I am technically in that space now, not exactly to become a therapist, but most likely a social worker in the field of education. So. We're figuring it out.

Brittany Ellis: 27:05

Mm-hmm.

Empaths Anonymous: 27:06

granted, I am in California, Southern California at that, so I know that the population of people looks very different. Let's just say at my community college, when I'm in a research methods class and we're sending out our surveys and they're coming back with 50% Hispanic females, I'm like.

Brittany Ellis: 27:22

Yeah.

Empaths Anonymous: 27:23

So, but I understand like that's not everyone's situation, it's just my geographical location that is having an impact on those results. So it's very important to bring those things up because I. It is the truth nationwide, and we have to understand that when people who look like us are looking for mental health services, we need to find someone who's gonna understand those nuances, who's gonna understand those upbringings. And that could be a white woman, but the white woman, the white person, has to make sure that they hold themselves to that caliber. They have to hold themselves to that standard. It's a responsibility. so I appreciate you bringing that up because a lot of people might shy away from that truth and it's important to share it because that's just kind of how we're living right now. So we appreciate all the black and brown women who are really doing the work to groundwork, really what you were doing.

Brittany Ellis: 28:23

Yes.

Empaths Anonymous: 28:23

you're like, just so you know, when y'all get out there, it's not gonna be school. You know, this is real life. This is, these are people. So I love that you bring that up. And we, to rewind really quick about our little meet, cute, we, I think connected on social media, right? Via like Instagram dm, where we're like, Hey, what are you? over there, and you're like, no, what are you doing over there? And so I loved it and I was like, you gotta come on, like, let's talk about it. We love all the things that you're talking about, but specifically something we talk about all the time is this umbrella of neurodivergence. And so being said because we're so curious about the impacts, what are some of the ways that we de-stigmatize neurodivergence within black and brown women?

Brittany Ellis: 29:14

Mm, baby. Because before, I think we can talk about like de-stigmatizing, it's educating the people who are number one, coming up with it, followed by the people above. So I guess you can call'em our elders. Educating them on it. Right? Because like, let's just say for example, we're this middle group, like we've, we're raised with it, we have it, but we also are educated and understanding that it is a thing and it impacts us. So now there are these little, these little folks who are coming up. When I say little, let's just say elementary, middle school people, high schoolers, just like kids are coming up with it and what they're hearing. From their elders, your older aunties, mama, grandma, whoever. You're lazy, you stupid, you can't get do anything, right? It's all this rhetoric around all these things that are wrong with you because what is neurotypical is not your rhetoric, and it just doesn't click. So I think the first part is like education and kind of seeing like where is that rhetoric coming from and from who. Right, because something about your grandma, you not changing the way your grandma think. Nobody's like, Randy, I love you, but like no times are different, right? And then these younger kids, right?'cause they bully hard. You don't get something immediately. You don't stay on track. The teacher has to keep say, Hey, focus. Come back, come back. Like, come back here. And now everyone's in class is making fun of you that the teacher has to keep on speaking with you. So I think the first step, like I said, is education. And number two, I feel like for the people who are suffering with some of these symptoms, whether it be lack of focus, concentration not everything is ADHD these days, right? I think I like the term neurodivergence.'cause it's just saying like, Hey, with how I think and how I go about things, it's just a little different and not as typical. You gotta check in with yourself because if we come into a world hoping that someone. Gives us the education or politely gives us the label. It's okay. You're probably just really divergent and we got,'cause people, our chances are for us are not going to do that. So I think it's coming like first self-assessment, right? And that's asking like, how, how do I respond with handling basic day-to-day tasks that I have to do? Right. Like I go in my kitchen, I'm like, I'm going in there for a trash bag. I get in there and I'm like, oh my gosh, the dishes are not done. I start doing the dishes, I get the rug. I'm like, I'm taking it to the back, to the bathroom. Now I'm scrubbing the toilet. and then I look up and two hours has passed and I can't even remember what I was doing, where, why I went there. All of the things. So I think examples like those, kind of like educating people, you might kind of align with neurodivergence if A, B, C, D, E, and F. And then if you're that girl and you're like, hold on, that struck a nerve, that sounds like me. Next step is like speak with someone and I'm not a pill pusher, so if that doesn't need to be a psychiatrist who does prescribe medication or a psychiatrist. Psychiatrist or psychologist, then just getting a therapist, talking to a counselor. Because I think with Neurodivergence, the good thing is it's not like this irreversible thing that you can't manage, right? A lot of people feel like it's unmanageable because they don't have the tools, they haven't been taught the skills, right? It might take you double the time to do something that someone else is doing, but girl, are you getting it done because it's all that matters, right? If it take you two hours or one hour, or were you able to get it done, so like education for those around us. Right self-assessment. So we might need to be educated ourselves to see if we're a part of that. And then next step is like, okay, so now that you say I'm positive, I struggle in these ways. Now what do you keep struggling and hoping that, you know, the neuro stops diverging or you connect with someone who can actually help you get practical skills, tools to cope, you know, yada, yada, yada.

Empaths Anonymous: 33:19

Yeah. On the topic of education, I kind of wanna like rewind a little bit because we've never really broken down on our podcast with somebody. Like what is Neurodivergence and then what underneath, what's underneath that umbrella as well. Because I think that kind of like you're saying, everybody just assumes, oh, I have ADHD. Like, no, there's so much more to it. And I would say maybe in the last, like correct me if I'm wrong, like. Five years, like I started hearing about this like 2020 in the pandemic when we're all like just on our phones and TikTok all the time. We're all self diagnosing ourselves. So I feel like the last few years it's become way more prevalent and way more talked about. But still, I would love for you to just break down neurodivergence and like what different diagnoses or different things could fall under that.

Brittany Ellis: 34:05

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So think of neurodivergence as like truly an umbrella term, and that means your brain and your cognitive abilities function differently. That'll mean you better, that don't mean you worse, that don't, it's, it's, no, it's just different. Let's look at dyslexia, for example. Right. Do you guys know what dyslexia is?

Empaths Anonymous: 34:29

Yeah.

Brittany Ellis: 34:29

Kinda when you, you see things that look like something else. So maybe you get like a lowercase p and a q confused, or like a three and like a capital E. Maybe you see those flipped. So like, once again, that's just an example of neurodivergence your cognitive abilities and how you view the world or how your brain works is just different. So the, the opposite of neurodivergence is neurotypical. Meaning how you should think, how you should think, but you know what's normal to think like what's normal to perceive things is neurotypical, and then divergence is anytime. It's not normal. I really struggle with those things though because every adult who comes in with ADHD that I've met, who I've counseled, whatever the case is, it's very rare that they're just like that. No trauma. Poor relationships, uh uh, misogynistic father, a very judgmental or critical mother, right? So it's, these things don't come from anywhere, and I believe that neurodivergence is just a symptom. I. Of something else and bigger going on. Now, it doesn't mean that you had to experience life changing, world shattering trauma to be neurodivergent. No. For me it was five, six years old. My dad, who was a single dad at the time, I was always the last kid to get picked up. I was always so anxious and on edge. I always constantly felt forgotten about and I had a great childhood. I was always the last one being picked up. My dad like forgot just. Doing the things for me. That's where it started, right? And then me feeling forgotten. I would forget little things, misplaced little things. Then I would just simply mix things up. I was really frazzled up here and frazzled because a, a key need of mine wasn't getting met, right? I need to feel safe and secure. And anytime it's like six o'clock and I'm three hours late and someone was supposed to be here to pick me up, now my brain is going in overdrive and frazzled. So I think with people who experience Neurodivergence, there are things that have happened that maybe you haven't processed or that are very unresolved, and then it shows up in that way. I. But other things that kind of fit in that category. I think ADHD is like the biggest one. Being very inattentive, losing focus, being very forgetful, needing to stem. Some people call that hyperactivity, but like when you shake your leg, you always gotta bite your nails or fiddle with something, right? Usually your brain should be able to sit, be at peace, and you should be able to be still. But like, let's be real. Ever since social media came out. I think a neurodivergence is a bigger symptom, right? Of something larger that's happening in society because you're telling me all of these kids got ADHD, all of us young adults we're just now coming out with ADHD and autism like. That don't really feel like, oh, this is just happening. It feels like it's a, a bigger systemic issue and that this is just a result of the things that we as a people are collectively going through. I.

Empaths Anonymous: 37:40

Right. And that was my next question too, is like, why all of a sudden is there this huge, or in, from your perspective, why all of a sudden is this huge uptick in all of us adults, you know, millennials, gen Z, we're all getting diagnosed. I. ADHD or, or on the autism spectrum? I mean, I know that OCD doesn't fall under Neurodivergence, but I got diagnosed with OCD last year, so it's like, why all of a sudden are all of us adults? Like what? Like our brains are just not neurotypical and functioning in the typical way.

Brittany Ellis: 38:12

Yeah. And even to your point though, with what neurodivergence is, wouldn't OCD be a form of neurodivergence?

Empaths Anonymous: 38:21

Right. I thought so, but then my therapist corrected me and says that it's a form of an anxiety disorder, but I guess they could be both. Right?

Brittany Ellis: 38:30

Yeah. And remember, neurodivergence is just people who process information in a different way.

Empaths Anonymous: 38:38

Hmm. I.

Brittany Ellis: 38:40

So when I, when I think about the bubble that we're saying, Hey, this is normal, it seems like the normal bubble is getting smaller and smaller. Right of like how you should think, what you should be like, that's becoming less and less like a norm. And pretty soon I hope we get to a point where there is no more like you are normal and then you are not, or you're good and then you are other. Because I believe there's this term, this scientist I can't think of his name right now, but he coined the term digital dementia and it's like the moment we had the world's knowledge in our hands, in our pocket 24 7. It shifted for a lot of us, right? And so if you were born, or if you went through puberty before 2009, they say like, we got a different view of that. We still had a play-based childhood

Empaths Anonymous: 39:30

Yeah.

Brittany Ellis: 39:31

if you're going through puberty from 2009 to 2015, you have a a phone-based childhood. And so anytime your, when they created the like button. Or the share button or the repu like

Empaths Anonymous: 39:46

Hmm.

Brittany Ellis: 39:47

that started making people a, a ding. And then you pick this up a thing so you can be doing anything typing, talking to your mom, tending to your baby, and the ding comes and you're immediately back there to this device that's now etched into our hands. So I really feel like it's just like the technological advances and not and giving'em to people who are so young. My, my personal opinion, like neurodivergence is a symptom of something. So after all of the things are happening and you have this thing in your hand that you're constantly having to get back to and tend to like, that would do something to, if your brain, it would change the way it's processing information. If you're constantly having to multitask 10 times a day now, and then we got those tabs open. I know for me, I work between 10 tabs at a time. I don't know the last time I did one thing at a time, realistically. Right. Especially where I'm in my career. I don't ever do one thing at a time unless I'm with like my child. Other than that, I don't even know how to not multitask anymore. So Neurodivergence, once again, the uptick for me is like, it's, it's all of us at this point.

Empaths Anonymous: 40:53

Hmm. Yeah. Neurodivergent people are typical becoming that there. It's going to be the majority at some point. Yeah. That's certainly being understood. I think as we like move forward. I think even like generalized anxiety disorder, just like plain and simple, I have anxiety about like so many things throughout my life and. Most of the time it's going to be a trauma informed response. So we have to just figure that out, like how we're figuring that out. And things like PTSD are the same reasons how we can figure out like why certain neurodivergent exist for certain people, especially within our population,

Brittany Ellis: 41:35

Yeah.

Empaths Anonymous: 41:36

it's so to be like this other you are not good enough, you are not normal, and you're not like. Other kids. So the comparison would probably make that worse too. It's not

Brittany Ellis: 41:51

Yeah. But it's weird with the comparison piece because like when you self-assess. Part of you kind of does need to compare yourself to others, right? Because it's like that's why we have neurotypical and neurodivergence. There's this implicit comparison

Empaths Anonymous: 42:09

Hmm.

Brittany Ellis: 42:09

all the kids, the 29 kids in your class. Act this way, and you're the one who doesn't get the emotional cues, can never concentrate, always on edge, all of the things. And we know, okay, you're not the typical one because this what is, what typical looks like. So that's why I say it's such a fine line and balance of like self-assessment and then getting the therapy and talking to a doctor, psychiatrist, whoever you trust in, but then talking to someone to get the education and information for yourself.

Empaths Anonymous: 42:38

Especially because it can show up so differently for everybody.

Brittany Ellis: 42:43

Yeah. Yeah.

Empaths Anonymous: 42:45

All right, so switching gears a little bit you focus on mental health primarily for bipoc women, including things like complex trauma. Can you break down for our audience, we're having you do a lot of breakdowns. Can you break down for our audience what that is and what it looks like for women of color specifically?

Brittany Ellis: 43:05

Yeah. So I'm gonna start with trauma because trauma is broken down into two pieces. It's like big T trauma and then little T trauma.'cause people love, I call it the trauma Olympics. It's like people love to out trauma. You like, oh, well my dad's not here. Well, my dad died. Well, my dad died in war. Well, I never knew my dad. And it's like, everybody's dad is hurt right now. Let's just, let's just take it for what it is. So big T trauma is like war. A natural disaster, severe abuse and neglect in your upbringing. Being sexually assaulted like it. Trauma alone changes your brain chemistry. But Big T trauma are like those big hits, right? And then little T trauma are still traumatic instances, but may not cause the same fear or hinders around like safety and security. So like if you've been living in your childhood home for 15 years and all of a sudden your parents have to relocate. That's a, the biggest trauma for a 15-year-old who's losing their life for them, right? So your parents getting divorced, you know, you losing a best friend, like that's traumatic. That type of grief is, is real. So big. Teen little T trauma, those are one-off trauma instances. Complex trauma is when you're having these instances, big T and little T happening back to back, to back, to back to back. Because what we know about trauma is when it happens, it changes your brain chemistry and then it puts you in this really heightened state. And most people know it as like fight or flight. So you might be in that state for six months to a year after a traumatic instance, but what if in between that time that your body should be reregulating getting back? Like your nervous system getting back in sync, your brain chemistry, coming back to its typical state, but in two weeks you have another trauma and in one month you have another trauma, and then one month you have something else. And then one week it's like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday stuff is happening. Or like if you were being abused your entire childhood, right? That's not one instance.

Empaths Anonymous: 45:11

Hmm.

Brittany Ellis: 45:12

a different instance for every single developmental stage. So complex trauma is like these traumas. Compounding on one another and your body really never getting a chance to rest or heal. Now because trauma will change your brain chemistry and how your body perceives danger, threat, safety, and security. If you're going through all of these traumatic instances and your body never feels safe, never feel secure, never feels regulated, that can turn into like an actual physical illness. And if you, if you've ever known or heard of people who are so stressed and their stressors, make them sick. Right. That's a good view.'cause it's happening to a lot of young people now, even if it's not complex trauma, but to be stressing on edge and worried, you know, it does something to your body. So complex trauma is just the elongated sense of multiple traumatic things compounding on one another.

Empaths Anonymous: 46:10

Hmm. Over here. Like I know, I'm like, it was never explained to me that way, past complex. And I'm like, okay, trauma. I moved a lot as a kid and I just remember it always being like. My first memory,'cause I've had periods of time throughout my life where I've had panic attacks, but it's not like constant. But my first memory of having a panic attack was I switched schools in the middle of the year. I think my, I think I was first grade, maybe second grade. And I remember walking to the classroom and feeling so overwhelmed and then blacking out. And I don't know how much time passed and then all of a sudden I come back too. And like my teacher and all the kids in the class that I don't know yet,'cause it's my first day are all just like staring at me. You know what I mean? So that's like my first memory of it, but then it's like I'm not thinking about all of the times in between from that point until now as an adult.

Brittany Ellis: 47:06

Yes. Yeah.

Empaths Anonymous: 47:09

I'm gonna have to process that one later. Yeah. you said the stacking, I was like, oh. Yeah, the stacking. Yeah, because you're just Almost anticipating or waiting for the next thing so that you know that you're not ever gonna get rest because you're just involved now in the thing or the relationship or the environment that is giving you those traumas. And so. Yeah, it's like, even if it's like not an everyday thing, the days in between the traumas happening are still this like or flighty feeling and this anxiety like running through your body, right? And then you start to, you know, a lot more hair than you're used to seeing in the shower, and then you're like sleeping until 10:00 AM when you have a baby to tend to, you know, it's like a lot of different things start to present themselves in a, in a physical way. So it's like your body will tell you even before your mind catches up. And so I think that as black and brown women black, we are so conditioned to experience pain and experience trauma as something that's normalized.

Brittany Ellis: 48:16

Mm-hmm.

Empaths Anonymous: 48:16

our lives. Taking on, taking on, taking on, hence, Empaths Anonymous. It's like we're here to support the girlies who are just constantly feeling that. So that's very interesting to break down complex trauma in that way. And speaking to that, what kind of, what we touched on earlier is communities. Individually and as a whole, we first of all tend to ignore. That those things are actually happening. So when they are not ignored, finally and we start to realize, okay, I need some support here and I need some help, we struggle then to find the resources available to us that are specifically for us, as we mentioned at the top of the episode. So what are some of the things that we can recommend to our feelers, our audience? Where they can find people within their community that are going to understand their specific experience as black and brown women.

Brittany Ellis: 49:20

Yeah. Just so I'm clear on the question, when you say thinking about resources, are you talking about professional help?

Empaths Anonymous: 49:26

yeah. Anything I suppose that could help because I know that professional help isn't always financially feasible.

Brittany Ellis: 49:35

Right. And I guess that's where my drawback is because sometimes if you don't necessarily have the access, and I say access across the board,'cause some people are like, well just go read up on it. Right. I know people with a third grade reading level and they're whole grownup adults. Right. Or the technology piece, they don't know how to work. So I think outside of professional help, I'm going to always like lean into like finding community. And so community is not always like your direct people, like friends and family, right? Because they might be the perpetrators of a lot of this retort that you get that's not as helpful. So finding community, whether that's literal people like you. Who look like you, right? Just'cause they all, your skim folk ain't your chem folk, but just because they look like you doesn't understand you, but you have to start from somewhere. And a lot of the times, the shared experience is a healing experience within itself because with so many of these one-off instances, we're often led to believe that we're the only ones. Struggling in this way. We're the only ones that will understand. We're the only one that gets it right. I haven't met y'all before this, but something about this room right here tells me there's something that you all get that kind of goes without being said off of a shared experience we have, and so people need to. Get in community because Covid threw our mind a little off when it was like that big, you have to isolate and then Covid lifted and then people were still kind of in that frame of mind. But then it's like not trusting people. Will you tell me if you're sick? Are you gonna wear mask? Or when was allowed? It was just a whole lot of craziness. So it's like, I know sometimes the trust isn't always there in our community, but you have to connect with people. If we look at the evolutionary significance of when people were their healthiest, they were because they were tribal. As in they helped each other in their homes and their villages. They helped each other raise kids. When you're going through it, you needed to cry and you felt like you wanted to kill your children. There was a one up the street who was like, Hey, I heard you been yelling at the kids all night, so I'm here to relieve you and go do what you have to do. So like we lost all these essences of togetherness, and so now we're so alone and so we realize that the depression has soared. PTSD, postpartum depression, like all these things have soared because now you're trying to do everything alone. So my number one is like, if you don't have the funds, if you don't have the access, sometimes that's going on social media. Hey, I, we, me and me and the group linking up who wanna join. Sometimes that's going out and meeting people and having to talk to them and invite them. And I know it's easier said than done, especially Now the thing about community is you have to work at it. And I think it's hard for people who have to put out the work and not sell yourself, but put yourself out there to garner that type of trust and togetherness. Not everybody's willing to do that part. So it's like if you ain't got the money and the funds, you gotta do it. The free 99 way. Then you gotta do what you gotta do.

52:45

Thanks for tuning in to this week's EA meeting. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend and leave a five star rating and review on Apple or Spotify. We'd love to hear from you. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at empaths and on Pod. Don't forget to follow us wherever you listen to podcasts or subscribe to our YouTube channel and turn on the notification bell so you're the first to know when we release a new episode. We'll meet you back here on the green velvet couch. Next. Time. Bye feelers.