Inside Marcy's Mind
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Inside Marcy's Mind
From Patience to Rudeness: Navigating Our Increasingly Dismissive Society
Has common courtesy become extinct? After tripping over damaged sidewalk infrastructure and enduring 14 stitches, I found myself navigating not just physical recovery but the seemingly more painful labyrinth of city bureaucracy. What struck me most wasn't the fall itself but how my interaction with "Cherie" from the claims department exemplified everything wrong with human communication today – impersonal questioning, zero empathy, and complete unwillingness to take accountability.
This encounter opened my eyes to a broader cultural shift. When did saying "please" and "thank you" become optional? Somewhere between Tiger King and banana bread, society seems to have left basic courtesy at the curb with the recycling. People bump into you without apology, customer service representatives put you on hold without greeting, and teenagers working registers respond to gratitude with unintelligible grunts. Technology has replaced human interaction with iPads and self-checkout kiosks, further eroding our connections and expectations of basic decency.
What can we do in this brave new world of rudeness? I offer practical strategies like the "raised eyebrow of doom," the Southern "bless your heart," and channeling your inner customer service professional. But more importantly, I suggest becoming "the people we miss" – those who express gratitude, make eye contact, and don't act like minor inconveniences are catastrophes. While we can't control others' behavior, we can control our responses and maybe, just maybe, inspire others through example. The world may be loud, distracted and short-tempered, but we don't have to be. Let's bring back the simple, soothing art of not being a jackass.
Hello and welcome to Inside Marci's Mind. My name is Marci Backus and I am your host. Welcome back to Inside Marci's Mind, where we dig deep into the human experience or at least shovel around the shallow end where most people seem to be swimming these days. Now I don't know about you, but I've noticed a shift, a change in the air, not the climate. We gave up on that years ago. I'm talking about people. I am talking about people, a big shift. They're well, they're rude, they're dismissive and somehow both too busy and not busy enough to have manners. So today we're diving into how to deal with people these days, whether it's in line at the pharmacy, on the phone with customer service or side-eyeing your neighbor who won't stop talking about her Labradoodle's gluten sensitivity let's go, all right. So what made me come up with this topic? People these days are rude and dismissive. It just okay.
Speaker 1:So what you all know is a month ago I tripped over what they're called caissons. They're the bumps on the corners to alert people in a wheelchair or blind or impaired in some way that the street is coming. And around the city of Chicago they have them on all the corners before you go down the little ramp, and most of them are made out of either concrete or metal. In my neighborhood we have several that are made, that I think have been repaired or replaced with plastic. The problem is the plastic ones have pulled up and it created a tripping hazard for me that I didn't see. I was wearing appropriate footwear. I was walking with my husband to go get ice cream after a Saturday night dinner at home and I tripped and I went head first into the street and, yes, I ended up with 14 stitches in total. It's a lot of stitches. Had them in my knee. My hands did a lot of gluing. It was quite traumatic. I remember hitting my head. I remember my head bouncing on the street.
Speaker 1:It has left me with some PTSD for walking. But I have to walk. I live in the city of Chicago. I do look down 99.9% of the time I'm walking. Even if I'm walking with someone, I can't look and talk to you. If I have to stop and look at something, I will stop. I will not look while I'm walking. So it has left me with a quite large amount of PTSD. So you know this cost me some money too.
Speaker 1:I have insurance. So even after my insurance it's 2000 from the hospital and even after my insurance, it's 800 from the ambulance and I was told by my alderman, who is your councilman, because I let them know what happened, I sent them pictures so they could get it repaired. They said that I could put in a claim with the city. So I did and I sent pictures of myself, pictures of what I tripped on the bill from the ambulance with the total after my insurance, the claim information, the explanation of benefits from my insurance. I sent in everything possible and I get a call from a gal named Cherie and I missed the call. So I call back.
Speaker 1:My call does not go well with Cherie. I'm just going to tell you I I got impatient and upset because I felt attacked. I felt my integrity was being questioned. All of this could have been easily remedied had Cherie let me know what we were going to be doing, let me know that she had gone through the paperwork I'd already sent. No, she just launched into questioning and I do have issues with questions. It comes from my childhood. My dad used to question us and try to trap us in a lie or what have you? I do have PTSD from being a kid. I know this about myself and I try to handle myself accordingly.
Speaker 1:Well, my call with Cherie did not go as planned and we ended up ending the call. I ended up calling back the legal department of Chicago, getting a really nice lady. I apologize for my part in the conversation I I I shared with um, the woman that I spoke to about my part in it and I took responsibility for that. She said she was great. She said I'm going to call Cherie, we're going to talk. Cherie called me back later in the day. I missed it. Also, the lady from the city of Chicago that I called said I'm the first person she's ever called that apologized for any of their part. You know, that's the least we can do these days If we do make a mistake, if we do overreact, take accountability and apologize.
Speaker 1:So I called Sheree back today thinking our conversation was going to go a lot better. It didn't. It didn't. Um, she started in on me with things, more things that I need to send and I, as yesterday, she kept telling me she's just asking clarifying questions. I asked questions and she got hot and I said I'm just asking clarifying questions. Nonetheless, hopefully I've got the information that they need. One of them was pretty funny. She's like well, we need you to add together your totals. And I said, okay, so the two totals, the total. You need me to add together the insurance part they didn't cover and the insurance part, the two numbers. Yes, we need you to do that, okay, anyways, I'm doing all that. Blah, blah, blah. I understand it's a big city, I get all that. I get that most people are probably trying to cheat the city, but that doesn't change how she needs to interact with each person, because all of us are not out there trying to cheat the city and Sheree needs a new job. Just saying, I worked for a large part of my career with the city of Irvine, answering the resource and referral line.
Speaker 1:I dealt with people looking for childcare, people that were desperate. I understand how it works and it's important for people to be in those jobs to be understanding. I did have a big accident. It was caused by a city's neglect of something they're supposed to keep track of. I hit my head and cut my knees open and hands and ended up with 14 stitches. It was no joke. I was transported by ambulance.
Speaker 1:I had a concussion when I was dealing with Cherie. She needs to take that into consideration also, but nonetheless, this is why I came up with today's subject, talking about how people are. People are short, people are all of us. It's not just the workers, and I get it. They're overworked and understaffed. We as people need to be understanding too, and I was trying to be, and again I apologize for my part in our miscommunication, but Cherie didn't take her responsibility for any of it. And even when I said to Cherie, I said you know, yesterday, if you had said to me I've gone through your paperwork, I've seen your pictures of your accident, I understand this was traumatic for you. I'm here to help you get through the process, it would have been a lot better. And when I shared that information with her, she was just dead silent. She didn't say you know you're right, or I thought I had done that there was nothing from her right, or I thought I had done that there was nothing from her. So no accountability from her whatsoever. I took accountability for me and that's all I can control.
Speaker 1:So I'm asking did manners die in 2020? It seems like to me. That's when the big shift happened. Okay, so when did saying please and thank you become vintage? Somewhere between Tiger King and banana bread, society seems to have left basic courtesy at the curb with the recycling and I keep my please and thank yous, I keep my excuse me, but I will tell you I don't see it out in the world I see a lot of demanding, entitled people. Remember when someone bumped into you and apologized? Now they look at like you're the inconvenience that is so true.
Speaker 1:Walking here in the city. Craig and I were walking home from a concert last Saturday night. Now I'm 64. I'm not young. I was ran into by three different men, just shouldered right into me. I was flabbergasted. I don't understand where. That's okay. We're trying to, we're all trying to maneuver on the sidewalk. It's a dance and people plowing through like they have the priority on that sidewalk is unacceptable. But this is happening a lot.
Speaker 1:Phone calls forget it. Call a business and you're immediately met with. Can you hold? No greeting, no warrant, no warning, a hundred percent, or you're on hold. So when I finished my call with Sheree, I also had to call the DMV because I paid for my registration stickers for my car a month ago and I have not received them. That call went totally different. Yes, I was on hold for a long time, but the woman that came to the phone was completely professional, charming and helpful. So they are still out there and I thanked her for that and I told her she did a great job.
Speaker 1:Our job also is when people, even if they're just doing the basics of their job, but they've made your day easier, thank them. Don't be a part of the problem. Customer service sucks. Let's be real. Nine times out of 10, you go into places and you're dealing with an iPad and if you're having problems with that iPad ordering or doing whatever you need to be doing on it, there's no one there to help you. Or if they are, they're rude, short, dismissive. We come across a lot of iPads in the city of Chicago. If you're ordering coffee, if you're ordering food, if you're in an establishment for something, if you're at CVS, your self-checkout even at the airport now it's self-checkout in all the kiosks and places that you go. So there aren't people to help us and when they do, they are not nice and it's not just customer service either. It's people in general at the store, on the street, in the line at Starbucks ordering their complicated full milk, fog, mist, mist, eye cloud latte.
Speaker 1:I don't know, and don't get me started on teenagers working a register. You say thank you and they grunt. I want to say blink twice if you're OK. Are you being held hostage? Blink, they can't make change If you give them cash, they don't know what to do.
Speaker 1:And let's be real Most places are going cashless. I don't deal in cash because I have bad hands. It's too hard for me to deal with. I went cashless a long time ago. But I've watched kids and they just can't do it. And it's not just kids, it's older adults too. It's sad.
Speaker 1:Rude is the new trend. Now, I'm not one to judge Okay, yes, I am but I think being rude has become the trend. It's like everyone wants to give main character energy. I forgot that. The main characters still need to be likable. It's a fact. It's sad and we need to turn this around and and and it's in your hands. It's in your hands to be the person that thanks someone who, who says they're doing a great job.
Speaker 1:Turn in those cards, take those surveys If things are good, don't just take them when things are bad. Have you noticed that people also cut you off with I get it, even when they clearly don't? You're trying to explain something and they go yeah, yeah, I got it. Oh really, carol, you got it Because I just said I need a ride to my colonoscopy and you replied cool, cool. It's true, no one's listening because they're waiting to give their reaction or their, I don't know. It's just, it's frustrating, it's very frustrating and I don't know what the answer is. The only answer I know is for us to be better those of us that recognize it and are complaining about it, because I am complaining right now. It's my podcast inside my mind. This is what I'm complaining about, but I do try to be part of the solution.
Speaker 1:I did call. When I called and told about my interaction, I also owned my part in that interaction. I did get frustrated with her. I did get angry. I felt that I wasn't being heard. She asked me if an ambulance came to pick me up. I said did you not see the ambulance bill? I didn't feel like.
Speaker 1:She looked through my paperwork and again, had she started off with? I seen your paperwork, I've read through it. We're going to do some clarifying questions. Our interaction would have been different, but she gave me nothing except for questions. Oh, okay, how to handle it without getting arrested? These are some go-to methods for handling rude or dismissive folks the raised eyebrow of doom. Well, right now I can only raise one of my eyebrows Because of falling in the street I damaged all the nerves on my left forehead. It looks I've had Botox on that side and not on the other. It's crazy.
Speaker 1:The Southern blessing will bless your heart. Bless your heart, channel your inner customer service queen. That's what I do. I try to rely on my old customer service ways. Give them the graceful exit. Exit out of the conversation. If you're getting nowhere with someone, exit out of that conversation, stop it. I should have stopped this conversation with Sheree long before I did Write it down. Do a podcast about it, get it it off your chest. That's what I've done. I'm sending her the most professional email I can, with my addition done very professionally. I put it through chat, gpt, so I could make sure it had all the proper context, format and sounded professional.
Speaker 1:Let's be the people we miss. So here's the deal. The world is loud, distracted and short-tempered, but we don't have to be. Be the person who says thank you. Be the person who smiles, holds the door and doesn't act like someone just ruined their days or peed on their Wheaties. Don't be angry because you got soy milk instead of almond milk. Don't be angry because they put mayonnaise on your sandwich.
Speaker 1:Everybody's out here just doing our best and unfortunately for some of those it doesn't come with manners. But they are doing what's best for them. Do what's best for you, be the good guy. Let's bring back eye contact, let's bring back listening and let's bring back the simple, soothing art of not being a jackass. All right, that's it for today's ride through the madness of inside my mind. Remember you can't control other people, but you can control how fabulous and unbothered you look while dealing with them. Take that, listen to that again. You can't control other people, but you can control how fabulous and unbothered you look while dealing with them. Be kind, be classy, and if someone tries, tries, you hit them with the eyebrow and a bless your heart. Catch you next time on Inside Marci's Mind. Go out there and do something positive.
