Inside Marcy's Mind

This is how Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life and can help the people you love

• Marcy • Season 1 • Episode 60

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Coffee, chairs, and the courage to tell the truth—this is a ground-level tour of Alcoholics Anonymous from someone 37 years sober who still believes in the power of a room. We get honest about what AA is and isn’t, why it works without a CEO or a headquarters, and how the program quietly scales across cities, cruise ships, and late-night Zoom links. If you’ve wondered whether AA is a cult, too religious, or only for people who have lost everything, you’ll hear straightforward answers and real-world context.

We walk through AA’s self-support model—pass the hat, pay the rent, buy the coffee—and why that simplicity builds trust. You’ll hear how meetings actually run, the difference between open and closed formats, and why speaker nights can feel like live theater with stakes. We translate the 12 steps into plain English you can act on today: admit the problem, find a power greater than yourself, hand over control, take inventory, make amends, keep checking yourself, stay connected, and pay it forward. Along the way, we talk sponsors (how to pick one, why you can switch), anonymity as a promise that protects the room, and the early momentum builder known as “90 meetings in 90 days.”

This conversation also widens the lens: even if alcohol isn’t your issue, the same tools can help with compulsion in other forms—shopping, screens, or anything that runs your life when you’re not looking. You don’t need a dramatic rock bottom to start; you just need a moment of clarity and a chair to sit in. Worst case, you leave with coffee and a story. Best case, you leave with a path. If this helped, follow the show, share it with someone who might need it, and leave a quick review so more people can find their way to a meeting.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, and welcome to Inside Marcy's Mind. My name is Marcy Badkiss, and I am your host. Well, welcome back to Inside Marcy's Mind, the show where I overshare with strangers and call it a podcast. Last week I spilled the beans, or should I say, poured out the bottle about my sobriety story. 37 years sober, y'all. That's older than some of you listening right now, which is both inspiring and a little depressing. I'm sharing that because today we're going to dig into the thing that made that possible for me, Alcoholics Anonymous, or as I like to call it, the OG self-help group before self-help was cool. Think of it the first group chat. But instead of memes and cat videos, you get real talk, coffee, and those folding chairs that leave a permanent mark on your thigh. And that is all true. But I do want you to know that this will be the last time I talk about these types of things on this podcast because last week's podcast sparked something. And I'm going to come up with another podcast, all things sobriety, it's called Unbottled. And Unbottled will be unveiled in November. I will keep you up to date. So if you have liked my two sobriety type podcasts, that's going to be more in-depth. It and I'm going to tell you something. If even if alcohol isn't your problem, my goal is to have these to be inspiring episodes on all things self-aware, self-help, mental health. Um, if you're not an alcoholic, you may have other addictions. It and it could be shopping, it could be diet coke, it could be many things. And so when you're talking about addiction, and I will be specifically talking about sobriety because that's what I could talk to, you can pivot that information into all different areas of your life. So today we are going to talk about Alcoholics Anonymous, the thing that got me sober and has kept me sober for 37 years. If it's not your thing, I understand, move on in your podcast world. But if you're interested, hang in there, listen, or listen for somebody you love. The first thing I will always tell you is you cannot get anybody sober. You cannot get anybody unhooked from anything alcohol, drugs, gambling, you are not the answer. They are the answer. They need to find it, they need to hit bottom and they need to get help. But having information in your arsenal, if you have somebody in your family, is important. So hang in there and listen. It's not going to be a very super long episode. I just felt that I didn't get everything in last week. So since it's my podcast, I could do whatever I want. And so I thought I would add us a little bit of Alcoholics Anonymous. A very interesting group. The first thing I want you to know about Alcoholics Anonymous is it was founded in 1935 by Bill W. and Dr. Bob in Akron, Ohio. These two men realized they could not stop drinking on their own, but together they had a shot. It grew into a movement with over 2 million members worldwide. It is free. It is self-supporting. There are no headquarters, no president, no secret CEO pocketing your 12-step dues. So I'm going to tell you this. If you don't know this, this is probably the most unique and interesting thing about AA. AA has no headquarters. There are in certain cities, there are offices, yes. They are self-funded through the dues, whatever we choose to give at our meeting. Our meeting runs, we pass the hat basically at every meeting. You're not forced to give. If you can, give what you can. It pays for the rental of the hall or meeting place that you're in. It pays for the coffee, the cookies, anything that you've consumed when you're there. Because let me tell you something, the thing that alcoholics need most at those meetings is sugar and coffee, and we provide that, but it's provided through those dues. Once those dues have paid for what that meeting needs, the hall. So St. James across the street, my cathedral charges$100 a night for the meeting space. We give out coins for your amount of sobriety. That gets paid for, literature gets paid for. Once all of our bills are met, the rest of the money goes to Queso, the Chicago Alcoholics Office. There's no accountant, there's nobody that keeps track of it. This is all done by a bunch of alcoholics. It's quite remarkable when you think about it. We're all over the world. No matter where you go, you can catch a meeting. If you're a cruiser and you love to cruise, if you look on your daily cruise manifest when they tell you things to do, meeting with Bill W will always be on there. That is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Nobody runs it. If you show up and nobody else shows up, well, then nobody needed a meeting that day. If you are in an airport, now I have not tried this, but I've heard it and you are having a hard time, you can ask a gate agent to page Bill W to a gate. And I will tell you if I ever hear that in an airport and I am not rushing for a plane, I will go see what that person needs. We are a group of people that are there for each other. Dr. Bob and Bill W realized that one alcoholic talking to another was the key to staying sober. And it's been the key for me for 37 years. AE doesn't charge you. Shocking, right? In a world where you will sell, people will sell you$399 online detox juice cleanse. AA just says, sit down, shut up, and have some coffee and listen. Revolutionary. So what is it about AA? It's not just one alcoholic talking to another. They put 12 steps together that if you work these 12 steps, you do these 12 steps, your life will get better. Is your life going to be perfect? Absolutely not. Nobody's is. I just got over cancer. Life happens. But did I have to drink? No, I didn't. So let's do some busting of the myths. It's a cult. No, it's not. No one's forcing you to go. No one's forcing you to stay there. Stay there on your own. No robes, no chanting, unless you count reciting. Sorry, there's the windows are open this morning, so you may hear a siren or two. I'll try to get those out in editing, but I can't promise it. They're not coming for me. So it's not a cult. No robes, no chanting, unless you count reciting the serenity prayer in mismatched outfits. No, it's not a cult, people. I think people say that because they're alcoholics and they don't want to go. Think about it. It's religious. Nope. The only requirement is to believe in a higher power. You define what that means. It could be God, the universe, or even Beyoncé. We don't care what your higher power is. You just have to find something other than yourself. So for me, it was God. I've always had a great God. Other people, it's not. Find what works for you. You just have to have a higher power. You have to hit rock bottom. Oh no, you don't. No, you don't have to hit rock bottom. Not rock bottom. In my instance, I had my own bottom. I still had a job. I still had a roof over my head. I still had a car. I still had my family. Um so you don't. You don't need to be sleeping in a ditch with a bottle of mad dog 2020. You just don't. Um, everybody's bottom is gonna look different. Mine was I didn't want to lose all those things, and I knew it was coming. I also knew that if I ever got a DUI, which I never did, I did get pulled over twice when I was drunk, but somehow managed to not get a DUI. And um you you you you find your own bottom. I didn't want to lose all that. I also knew I wouldn't call my family if I got a DUI. That's what I was trying to say. Um, no, none of that's true. Find your own bottom. Everybody has one, and it doesn't have to be the rock bottom. It's boring, people think. Honey, it's like open mic night for people who actually have stories. Holy crow! There are all different types of meetings. There are big book meetings, there are big book study meetings, there's step meetings. Start with speaker meetings. My Friday night's a great one. It's a speaker meeting and then a share. These are these are stories. They're unbelievable, they're inspiring. It has the best life drama, comedy, and tragedy all in one. And we are all very aware of that. We are very well aware of that. But you're gonna hear a story come out of someone, and you're not gonna believe that that person lived that life. You're going to be inspired. And here's the deal: there's so much fun going on at AA. There's dances, there's there's this, there's that. You can, it's like a buffet. You can pick and choose what you want to do. When I was young, I did it all. I was in a sober bowling league. I went to sober dances, sober New Year's Eves, um, Halloweens, you name it. We did it. We had our own group. We had bingo night. Like we found a way to continue to have fun. And we had fun. And that's not the part that I take from AA anymore because I have my own life. But when you're starting to get sober, they have it all there for you. If you need to stay busy, they will keep you busy. There are meetings 24 hours a day, not only 24 hours a day online, there are in-person meetings for a large part from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. at clubhouses. The mustard seed is the one closest to me. That's the clubhouse. Meetings all the time. You don't have to ever be without a meeting. Uh 12 steps. Here's a little bit of a breakdown on the 12 steps. The first, and I'm not going to give them in the AA speak. I'm just going to, you've, you have to admit you have a problem. That's all you need for membership. Now there's two types of meeting. There's a closed meeting and an open meeting. If you see that when you're looking at meetings, an open meeting means you can, anybody can go. A non-alcoholic, your partner can go with you. Um, a closed meeting means it's only for those who suffer with the addiction. And um, that means that you have to admit you've got a problem. That's all that we ask for you to do when you come into that meeting is my name is Marcy, and I am an alcoholic. Number two, believe in something bigger than you. That's all. Doesn't have to be God. So anybody that tells you that, they're wrong. Hand over control. Number three, hand over that control. Number four, take a moral inventory. Number five, confess it to someone, that moral inventory. Number six, be ready to let go of your worst habits. Number seven is actually let them go. Again, these are not the AA speak, these are mine. Eight, make a list of people you've hurt. Nine, apologize to those people without expecting a parade. Ten, keep checking yours on yourself so you don't wreck yourself. 11, stay connected spiritually, whatever that looks like for you. And 12, pay it forward. Pay it forward. You can pay it forward on your first day of sobriety. You can always pay it forward. I don't know. Um these 12 steps are miracles. They seem simple when I say them that way, and that's why I didn't put them in AA speak. We'll talk about them more in depth in my podcast, Unbottled. We will uh tackle each one of them and what they look like, what that means, what it can mean for you. But right now, those are the 12 steps. That's it. That's what's kept me sober for 37 years. If you've ever assembled IKEA furniture, you can do the 12 steps. At least this time you won't end up with leftover screws and a wobbly nightstand. What's the worst that can happen? A better life? Think about it. I wouldn't have the life I have today if I wasn't sober. How it works. Meetings are everywhere. Church, basements, community centered, and sometimes on Zoom. Zoom got very big during the pandemic. I really prefer in-person meetings. But if all you can get to is a Zoom, get to that Zoom. But my feeling is in your first 90 days, you need 90 meetings in 90 days. Most of those should be in person. Some of them can be on Zoom. But the first rule is 90 meetings in 90 days. Get those 90 days under your belt. And guess what? You get a little trophy, a little coin for each 30 days that you stay sober. There's different formats. There's speaker meetings, discussion groups, step studies. There's all different kinds. And if you go to a meeting and it's not your jam, I always say go to a meeting three times. They are different every time you go because different people are there. We're not forced to go to meetings and we're not forced to go to the same meeting. So the makeup will always be different. Try a meeting three times. If it's still not your jam, find something else. There's no contracts, there's no blood oceans, you just show up. Tell me something this day and age that you can just show up. It can change your life and not cost you a dime. You don't ever have to put money in the basket if you don't want to. I'm sure you will at some point. But you show me something in this world today that doesn't cost you a dime and changes your life. But you can't. I can't. Alcoholics Anonymous. Confidentiality is key. What's said in the room stays in the room. Sponsors are your sober buddies, not your parole officer. So we ask that you find a sponsor. We ask that what you hear in the rooms stay in the rooms. These are keys to making this program work. A sponsor is someone, again, it's a sober buddy. It's someone that you can check in with. And these days with cell phones and texting, how great. We didn't have that when I got sober. Grandma here. But we did it. And I think it's a great tool, texting and checking in with people, checking in with your sponsor. Your sponsor will help you work those steps, help you understand how AA works. Get a sponsor on day one. If you can't get one as soon as you can, what do you look for in a sponsor? You look for someone that has what you want. If you see someone, whether, and in the beginning, it's going to be very superficial. You may like the way they speak, you may like the way they dress. You may have seen the car they got out of in the parking lot and thought, hmm, I would like that. I don't care what it is. Find something that they have that you want, including their sobriety. Make sure they have time. And start. You don't have to stay with the same sponsor. You can change. But get a sponsor. So here's some facts that could blow your mind. AA is in over 180 countries, more than 100,000 groups worldwide. Now I want you to remember there is no corporation keeping track of this. This is all, each meeting keeps track of itself. Literature in dozens of languages, entirely self-supported by voluntary contributions. I want to say that again. Entirely, entirely self-supported by voluntary contributions. AA is not allied with any sect, denomination, or corporation. The goal is to never have anyone tell us how to get sober. Dr. Bob and Bill W did it perfect the first time. We don't need a corporation. Coca-Cola isn't secretly paying for AA meetings. If anything, AA should send Coca Bill. Have you seen how much caffeine gets consumed at those meetings? Yeah, it is a mind blower when you realize this. AA is not perfect, nothing is, but it's been around for 90 years because it works. It worked for me, it works for millions of others. If you are struggling, if you know someone who is, tell them this. You don't have to do it alone. Walk into a meeting, sit in the back, don't say a word. If you don't want to, just listen. Worst case, you get a free cup of coffee and some stories better than reality TV. Best case, you get your life back. Thanks for tuning into Inside Marcy's Mind. Don't forget, this week on Aging Eight for Sissies, my other podcast, we talk about skincare. And coming in November, we're going to have our own sobriety podcast called Unbottled. I look forward to starting that podcast and getting more of this information out there. Remember what I always say go out there and do something positive.

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Marcy Backhus

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