Inside Marcy's Mind

You Can Let Traditions Shift And Still Have A Beautiful Holiday

• Marcy • Season 1 • Episode 66

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What if the holidays didn’t have to look the same to matter? I’m unpacking how celebrations evolve as kids grow up, families move, and energy shifts, and why a changed plan isn’t a personal slight—it’s usually logistics meeting real life. From California gingerbread throwdowns to a Chicago December built on tea, concerts, and twinkling sidewalks, I share how I’m crafting joy across the whole month instead of pinning it on one picture-perfect day.

We get honest about the emotional weather of the season: nostalgia that warms and stings, grief for people and times we’ve lost, pressure to stage-manage magic, and the surprising relief that comes with simplifying. You’ll hear simple strategies to make the holidays yours right now—feel what you feel without letting it steer, pick one new tradition that fits your life, communicate early and kindly, and focus on meaning over menu. Imperfect moments often become the favorites, and a quiet Christmas can be just as beautiful as a crowded one.

Along the way, I talk about resilience after a hard year, why flexibility is a love language, and how a single honest boundary can reset a whole family season with grace. If you’re traveling, staying home, celebrating big, or opting out, there’s room for you here. Press play to swap guilt for clarity, pressure for presence, and nostalgia for a generous view of now. If this resonated, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a quick review—it helps others find the show and join the conversation.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello and welcome to Inside Marcy's Mind. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. Well, hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to Inside Marcy's Mind, the podcast where we take life's little messes, we throw in a dash of humor, a large sprinkle of sarcasm, and bake it at 350 degrees until it becomes wisdom. Welcome to Thanksgiving week. Well, I hope your week is going well. Mine's a little nuts, but I'm looking forward to my son flying in on Thanksgiving Day, having Thanksgiving with friends, and a fun weekend with Alec before he flies home on Sunday. Kyle's going to be staying in California this year. Makes me a little sad, but Kyle's starting a new job, and that was the best choice this year. So here we are. Holidays. I thought it might be interesting to talk about the evolution of our holidays and how holidays change. For some of us, some people, holidays stayed the same forever. And for some of us, they changed all the time. Craig and I moved. Craig and I lived in different places. Our holidays looked one way in California, one way in Texas, one way in Oregon. So I think for me, holidays change, and that's what I'm used to. But a lot of people aren't used to that. And they do change. Our kids grow, everything changes. Um, even if yours are kind of staying the same, they change. I do long for the days. Um, our California home, our last home was 23 years. And for about five or six years, we had a gingerbread making and cookie decorating day with my kids and their friends. And I miss those kind of things. Um, I miss family dinners. I miss family dinners all year long. Um, I tried to do family dinners all the time with the kids and their friends, and I miss that. But life changes, things change. We moved, we changed it. Craig and I made the choice to move across the country from our kids, which therefore changed everything. And I remind myself of that when I'm longing for certain things. We made this choice, and with the choice comes changes in the holidays. And then here in Craig's family, um, his mom passed away a couple years ago, and holidays are shifting and changing as they should. Kids are growing, life is different, and that's okay. It's okay to travel on the holidays, it's okay not to gather with family, it's okay to be with friends. It's all okay, and we're gonna talk about that today. So I hope you have something planned for this week of Thanksgiving. I hope that what it is is what you want. Some people don't even like celebrating holidays, some people don't even believe in Thanksgiving or any of that. You know, I guess believe isn't the right word, but don't celebrate. And that's fine. Thanksgiving is the one that I think most of us do, which is always kind of the cool holiday to me because uh everybody kind of celebrates it. Well, anyways, got a lot of holiday things happening here in Chicago to look forward to. So let's talk about the holidays we remember, which no longer exist. When we were younger, holidays had a formula. Same house, same menu, same relatives, same drama. It was reliable, it was predictable, but life changes. People move, families shift, traditions fade, or get reinvented. Suddenly you're doing brunch instead of dinner. We're traveling this year. We're plant-based now. The holidays you knew shape shift like a Marvel villain. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it's a relief. Why holidays change and why it's not personal. Holidays change because life changes. People relocate, get married, have kids, get tired, get overwhelmed. It's not personal. Even though it feels like it is, most of the time we're changing it up this year really means we're exhausted. Remove the guilt, remove the sting. It's not about you, it's about logistics. So start thinking about it. Start thinking about your holidays. If they are shifting, if they are changing. So for me, living here in the city of Chicago without my kids, Craig's family and friends, even living here the last three years, each holiday has been different. And that's I don't mind change. I'm okay with that. But what I've learned to do is this city is full of holiday activities. Good God, just walking to the gym down Michigan Avenue is a holiday activity. It's gorgeous, it's fun. So this year I have a tea with girlfriends planned. I have a um luncheon at the walnut room, two different luncheons planned at the walnut room. I'm going to a holiday brunch. I am going to a holiday concert. I am, ugh, just so many holiday things. I even bought myself the cutest beaded Christmas purse because I thought, you know what? I have so many activities this holiday season. I'm going to take them. Does that mean Craig and I are going to have an exciting Christmas day? Nope, just the two of us. Working on some Christmas Eve plans right now, hoping to get those squared away. But my holiday Christmas purse will probably be in the closet on Christmas Day. And that's okay, because I've created an entire December of fun. So think about it. Figure out what works for you. Let's, but putting all of that aside and the things and the stuff to do, there are emotions involved. And like I said, I long for the days of the gingerbread contest that we had and the cookie, the ugly sweater cookie decorating contests we had. One year at uh 4th of July, Trader Joe's had White House gingerbread houses that look like the White House. So I snapped those up and I broke those out at uh Christmas and we did White House Christmas gingerbreads. It was just fun and I long and I miss for those days. But I'm finding other ways to fill that in. But it doesn't mean it doesn't come across with emotions that no one talks about. Nostalgia, I think, at the holiday season is one of the biggest ones. Now, if you had an unhappy childhood, I am sorry. And if you don't have nostalgic Christmas memories, maybe that's a plus. I don't know. I have great Christmas memories. Um my dad filming this French. We we celebrate Christmas Eve. That's when we open gifts. And we'd my mom would make this French bread with this cheese olive spread on it that she broiled. Sharp cheddar. It was so doggone good. And I think about that. I have to ask my sister Cindy if we have that recipe somewhere. Because dang, that was good. So nostalgia is a huge part of emotions. Grief. You can certainly have a lot of grief at this time. The grief could be for those that you've lost. The grief could just be for times that you've lost. There's a lot of pressure. So that's another emotion. Pressure. Guilt. Guilt for moving and leaving my kids behind. They're adults. But we did. And we left. We changed their lives. Oh, they're doing great though. And relief. Sometimes changing it all or not doing any of it brings relief. And that's okay. Holidays bring it all. Sometimes you miss what was, sometimes you're relief. The chaos is over. Sometimes you're overwhelmed by trying to make everything special. You're I I gotta say this, you're human, not a Hallmark movie. I think probably the hardest thing for me with my own kids was trying to make every freaking thing special. It can stress you out. You are not a Hallmark movie. So we know things are gonna change. Things are gonna change. People are gonna change. Locations are gonna change. How to deal with change without losing your mind. Number one, allow yourself to feel what you feel. Feel it all. But don't get mired down in it. Don't get lost in the feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong, but feelings should not rule you. Create new traditions. Make them yours. One of the traditions Craig and I created when we moved here is the old walnut room at the original Marshall Fields, which is now a Macy's, but they have kept the integrity of the walnut room. There's a giant Christmas tree in the middle of the tea room or the lunch room. Um and it's decorated differently every year. And Craig and I go every year. It's something you did as a kid. It was something we did with our kids when we visited Chicago, and I've made that a tradition for Craig and I. Make sure you're communicating with your family and everyone, honestly, gently, and clearly. My sister-in-law made it clear this year she was not interested in doing Christmas Eve with everyone and really wanted to focus on her own family. And God bless her, she deserves that. She has been doing Christmas for the Bacchus family for a very long time. She has a new grandbaby, she's got kids, and they've got significant others. And by golly, she deserves that. And I hope it's everything she wants it to be. Did it change things for a few of the rest of us? Yeah, it did, but that's okay. And we're figuring it out. She communicated, she was honest, and that is all you can ask from someone. And I respect her greatly for it. So if you're listening, Anne, job well done. Oh, focus on the meeting, not the blueprint. What is the meaning? The meaning isn't all the falderall. It really is. If you are spiritual, there's a bigger meaning and focus on that. Welcome surprises. The imperfect moments often become the favorites. Sometimes an imperfect moment can become a tradition. The gift of flexibility. What getting older teaches you flexibility, humor, grace, and perspective. Let me say those things again because sometimes it teaches us and it's a slow learn. What getting older teaches you flexibility, humor, grace, and perspective. Holidays don't have to match the past to be meaningful. Love looks different now, and that's okay. I want you to think about your holidays. I want you to not stress out. There is no perfect holiday. There is no perfect day. There is no perfect gift. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed. If that means it's just Craig and I on Christmas Day, well, by golly, we're going to enjoy it. We're going to figure it out. Probably go to the movies. I don't know. Next year may be different. Maybe we meet all the kids in Mexico and we have celebrate down there. I'm not sure what everything's going to look like. But what I do know is however it looks and whatever it looks like, I'm alive. I survived cancer this year. And I'm going to enjoy my doggone holidays. I know this isn't a very long podcast today, but I don't feel like talking when I don't have any more to say. I hope you think about it. If you have any thoughts, email me, insidemarcy's mind at gmail.com. I got a lovely thank you note and a praise note from someone this week. It always feels good. If you drop me a line, tell me what you like, tell me what you don't like, that's fine too. Share this podcast with others starting in December. I thought it was going to be November, but it looks like my third podcast will be dropping in December called Unbottled, probably timely. It's going to be all things sobriety. It's not going to be a hit you over the head, you're bad if you drink type of podcast. It's going to be how to navigate, drinking, overdrinking, sobriety. I think it's going to be a great podcast. I'm looking forward to it. Remember that holidays change because we change. But we're resilient, adaptive, and fabulous. Whatever your holiday looks like this year, traditional, minimalist, chaotic, peaceful, it can still be beautiful. It doesn't have to look the same to matter. It doesn't have to be perfect to be worth celebrating. Thanks for joining me today on Inside Marcy's Mind. Stay festive, stay flexible, stay fabulous, and go out and do something positive in this world.

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Marcy Backhus

Host