Why “Act Your Age” Is A Trap And How To Ignore It

We explore what it means to age without asking permission, from the sting of a sarcastic “good for you” to the freedom of choosing joy without apology. We challenge “act your age,” unpack why women are trained to be small, and offer a calm practice to claim space.

• the hidden ways we still ask permission 
• “act your age” as a limiting script 
• choosing joy without explaining or shrinking 
• why women face extra pressure to be accommodating 
• how stopping approval-seeking builds real confidence 
• a breathing pause to interrupt overexplaining 
• a weekly invitation to one small rebellious act 
• tease for next week on control

Do one small, slightly rebellious thing this week, just for you

Transcript

The “Good For You” Moment

Permission We Don’t Know We’re Asking

Debunking “Act Your Age”

Choosing Yourself Without Apology

What Changes When You Stop Asking

Your Quiet Revolution And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello, and welcome to Inside Marcy's Mind. My name is Marcy, and I am your host. Well, we made it through the first week of January. I don't know about you, but I want to return the year already. But with that being said, that is some zippy music I've picked. With that being said, we are in the first, we're going into that second week in January, and we're going to talk today about aging without permission. Hello, friends, and welcome back to Inside Marcy's Mind. If you listened to last week's episode, you know I'm officially in the season of doing things that make people tilt their heads and say things like, Wow, really? Are my personal favorite good for you? You totally know when somebody goes, Oh, good for you, which is code, I would never do that, but I admire your courage from a safe distance. I actually, it's funny. I actually had a young man say that to me in a very sarcastic tone. After an AA meeting a couple weeks ago, the sexton at the church said to me that he had pointed out a young man and said the young man had been very rude to him. And the young man had actually pushed me to get by me to leave the meeting. And I don't think he was aware that he pushed me. It wasn't like an intentional push. It was kind of like a just get out of my way, I'm important kind of thing. And uh so I went outside, he was standing there, and I said, Do you mind if I can talk to you for a minute? And so I was telling him what the sexton had shared with me, and that I just wanted him to be aware and to be aware that we have to be kind. These people are working at the church to keep it open for us for our meeting. And he was kind of ignoring me. And, you know, I said, I I've been in this program for a long time. I've been in it for 38 years. And he looked at me and he goes, Well, good for you. And I just, and there would have been a day where that would have set me off. It really didn't. I said, I said, thank you, but that's not the point. The point is, is that in order for this program to continue, we need to treat people with kindness, and that's what I'm asking from you. I walked away. I found out later he did go in and apologize, but I I was thinking about that. I I recently had heard that phrase, and it was not said with kindness. I can tell you that. And um it got me thinking about something we don't talk about enough, especially as women, permission. Because somehow, even after raising families, building careers, surviving heartbreak, loss, joy, and everything in between, we're still quietly asking, is this okay? Am I allowed? Is this appropriate at my age? So today we're talking about aging without permission and why the older we get, the less we actually need it. So if you're younger and you're listening to this, this applies to you. Start thinking about this now. I I'm talking about my age because that's what I am, but I hope that you understand this podcast can be viewed at any age. And you can take this stuff and learn it a lot easier than me. The permission we don't realize we're asking for. Here's the sneaky thing about permission. We don't ask for it out loud anymore. We don't call someone up and say, Hi, can I live my life the way I want to? Instead, it sounds like, I don't know if I should. Oh, people might think it's strange. At my age? Ah, yes, at my age. That phrase alone shuts down more joy than bad knees and reading glasses combined, I'm telling you. And if you are young and you are asking those questions, stop it. And who exactly are we talking to when we say that? Because I promise you this there is no official age police. There is no one sending out memos about what women over 60 are allowed to do and to enjoy. What is happening is we've internalized years of expectations about how women of any age should behave. Be calm, be helpful, be quiet, be grateful, be quiet. I don't think I ever heard that one. And please don't take up too much space. As women, we are the world tries to keep us small. And if you don't think that's true, take a look around. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong because it's your experience. And if in your experience you don't feel like people try to make you small, amen, sister, girl. Glad that's working for you and keep it working. Because as a lifetime, as a generation of women, we were taught to be small in all ways. Act your age is a trap. Let's talk about one of the most useless phrases in human history. Act your age. What does that even mean? What does it mean? Act your age. I see a lot of 65-year-olds I don't want to act like. I'm sure you're 40, you see a lot of 40-year-olds you don't want to act like. 50-year-olds, you don't want to be. Like, what does act your age even mean? Remember that old saying, act your age, not your shoe size? I kind of like my shoe size. It's a 10, 10-year-olds. 10-year-olds live their life having a lot of fun. Maybe I do want to act my shoe size. What is wrong with people? Because the last time I checked, there is no handbook for aging, for growing up. I'll take the word aging out. There is no handbook for growing up. There are no rules for growing up. And nobody actually agrees on what acting your age looks like. Does it mean dressing a certain way? Laughing less? Staying home more? Not wanting adventure? Because if that's the case, I'd like to officially unsubscribe. Like, no. No. I don't know what my age is supposed to do. I really don't. I'm the youngest of four. My siblings are eight, ten, and twelve years older than me. What I do find I'm gravitating towards people that are aging the way I want to. And I'm taking my cues from them. I am, I think maybe some of them are taking their cues from me. Mature is great, but is mature fun? I don't know. I'm never gonna mature. So if you are my friend and you're out there waiting for me to mature, it's not gonna happen. And that's not by choice. It is who I am. I'm the youngest of four. I'm eight, ten, and twelve years younger than the rest. I never really had anybody model for me what it was like to age. So this is who I am. So I I want to unsubscribe for any of those things. Act your age usually translates to please make me more comfortable. So that is probably very true. And I probably make a lot of people uncomfortable. And I guess what? I'm sorry. It's not my job to make you comfortable. It's it's my job to make me comfortable in my skin. And that girl is not highly educated. She is not. I didn't go to college, you guys. I was a hairdresser. Doesn't mean I'm not smart, not saying that at all. I am super duper duper duper duper duper duper smart. I believe in that. I'm just not educated in that way. I've learned a lot as I've grown up. And I I try to take the lessons I learned and use them well. At this stage in life, I don't owe anybody a performance. I don't know an explanation. And I definitely don't enjoy don't I'm sorry, I lost lost my verbiage there. And I don't owe my joy an apology. I get to decide what feels good, what feels right, and what feels true. And so do you. You get to decide what feels good, what feels right, and what feels true. Why women struggle with this more than men. Let's just say the quiet part out loud. Women are taught from a very young age to be accommodating. I'm gonna say that again. You need to hear it, women. Women and men, you need to understand why we are the way we are. So if you're a man listening, we were taught from a very young age to be accommodating. We are praised for being easy, hopeful, selfless, and available. And then one day we start choosing ourselves, we protect our time, we travel alone, we say no, we stop explaining, and suddenly people get uncomfortable. Well, guess what? People get uncomfortable because the women listening to this podcast are no longer going to be easy, helpful, selfless, and available. We are going to protect ourselves. Now we may be those things from time to time because we're good and we're kind. Suddenly, people get uncomfortable when we're no longer those things. Not because we're doing anything wrong, but because we stop playing the role they're used to. Growing up and aging without permission means realizing you don't need to be constantly useful to be valuable. And I hope young women are listening to this because if you can learn this early, praise Jesus. Aging without permission, realizing you don't need to be constantly useful to be valuable, and that can feel rebellious and a little scary. Because when you stop asking permission and you stop getting approval, that's where real confidence begins. What happens when you stop asking for those things? Here's what no one tells you. When you stop asking permission, your life doesn't fall apart. You don't become selfish, you don't lose everyone you love, and you don't turn into that woman or a Karen or whatever else you want to call it. Nope. What actually happens is you get clearer, you get calmer, you trust yourself more, you stop overthinking, you stop second guessing, and you stop apologizing for existing. And yes, not everyone will love it. But the people who matter, they'll adjust. And the people that don't, they're never in charge anyway. So think about it. Let's take a deep breath in. Exhale. Drop your shoulders a little. Listening to this may have raised your shoulders up a little around your ears. Relax. Drop those shoulders, take a deep breath in, and let it out. Your quiet revolution. That's what it is. It's going to be your quiet revolution. So here's my invitation to you this week. Notice when you're still asking permission. Before you explain yourself, before you soften what you want, before you talk yourself out of something that feels exciting, I want you to pause. I want you to breathe in. Exhale. And ask. Who actually who ex actu I can't even say it this morning. Who exactly am I asking? And what would happen if I just didn't? Aging and growing up without permission doesn't mean ignoring everyone else. It means finally including yourself. Next week, I'll be on the road and we'll talk about control, why we cling to it, and what happens when we lose our grip just a little. Until then, do one small, slightly rebellious thing this week, just for you. I am Marcy, and this is Inside Marcy's Mind. Thanks for listening and go out and do something positive.