Inside Marcy's Mind

Stop Making Life Harder Than It Needs To Be

• Marcy • Season 2 • Episode 3

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What if most of your daily stress isn’t fate, but friction you can remove? On a solo drive from Chicago to Flagstaff, I lay out the real-life rules that make everything feel lighter: respond slower, explain less, and stop giving unlimited access to people who haven’t earned it. This isn’t a pep talk; it’s a practical field guide for less chaos and more calm, built from miles on the road and years of paying attention.

We start with the power of the pause—“Let me think about that and get back to you”—and why urgent texts don’t deserve instant answers. From there, I unpack the trap of overexplaining your choices and how no can be complete, kind, and final. We draw a sharp line between effort and effectiveness, talk about rest as strategy, and explore why being exhausted isn’t a personality. You’ll hear how I gatekeep my time and energy, why less access beats dramatic exits, and how to assume ignorance before malice while still tracking patterns that don’t change.

Then we get tactical. If it isn’t a clear yes, treat it as a no. Most decisions aren’t permanent—repaint the wall, reupholster the chair, pivot the plan. Don’t decide when you’re tired, hungry, emotional, or lonely. Build simple systems that lower decision fatigue: automate bills and meds, streamline email, keep a repeatable breakfast, and fix tiny annoyances immediately so they stop taxing your attention. Finally, we trade motivation myths for momentum: start messy, refine as you go, and let calm be a worthy target. Peace isn’t boring—it’s the baseline that lets you enjoy the life you already have.

If this conversation helped you breathe easier, share it with a friend, subscribe for more practical life tools, and leave a quick review to tell me which rule you’re adopting first.

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, and welcome to Inside Marcy's Mind. My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. All right, that music is quite a lot, isn't it? Well, welcome back to Inside Marcy's Mind where we talk about life as it actually is and not how it looks on Instagram. I am currently recording this on the road, which means I don't have my normal setup. I don't have any notes printed. And I don't definitely don't have patience for nonsense. And I've had to record this beginning like four times. And I don't like where the music stopped. I don't like any of that. But you know what? I'm doing it on a laptop and I have less control. So I'm just gonna let it go. Perfect conditions are not always easy. And they don't always happen. So here we are. And let me say this up front: this podcast is not about aging. That's my other show. This one is about life. The stuff nobody really teaches you. Today we are going to talk about the things nobody teaches you about life, but everybody should. Kind of got my two podcasts a little confused recently, and I realized I needed to sit down and think about the difference between the two. And this podcast is about life. The stuff nobody really teaches you, the things you should sometimes only learn after messing up, overthinking, underthinking, or saying yes when you should have absolutely not said yes. So I have been on a road trip, as you all know, this week, and I have driven from Chicago all the way to right now. I am in Flagstaff, Arizona. So I've gone through Illinois, Missouri, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, and now I'm in Arizona. So six states. I've done Route 66, not because I wanted to do Route 66, but it's the best route going south. It's the hundredth anniversary of Route 66 right now. So there's a lot of things going on. I stopped at the world's largest belt buckle. I stopped in Uranus. I stopped at a Bucky's. Um, yesterday I stopped in Winslow, Arizona, and stood on a corner. So if you don't know the reference, listen to the Eagle song, and you will. Um, it's been a great trip. I've had a lot of time to think. I've thought about good things, I've thought about bad things. I focused mostly on the good. I stopped at the big Texan steakhouse for dinner one night, and all I had was a salad. I, after looking at those cows all day, the thought of eating one just broke my heart. Um, but today we're gonna talk about real life tips and tricks. Things you can actually use, no fluff, no manifesting your way out of reality. Just life explained by someone who's been paying attention. That would be me, Marcy Backis, your host. Hang in there and we're gonna get started with the main part of this episode. I do want to do a commercial for my other two podcasts. I do have, um, excuse me, I almost lost my thoughts there. I do have two podcasts, one called Aging Eight for Sissies. I also have a podcast called Unbottled, All Things Sobriety. You can find all of my podcasts wherever you find your podcasts. That's Spotify, Apple, everywhere. But also, if you go to Marcybackismedia.com, my website, you can find all three current podcasts there, as well as when you click on them, you'll see past episodes and new episodes. It wasn't very long. For me, it was over an hour. Had a chat with my bestie, ran down in the hotel and had a little breakfast, and I'm back up here to finish the podcast. So, little do you know what goes on during all those breaks? Life does not need to be this hard. Let me start with this truth, Bob. Most of us are making life way harder than it needs to be. What about you? Do you think that? Is that something that you feel that you make life harder than it needs to be? Or do you think life is really just this hard? Well, I think I think two things can be true. Life can be hard and we can make it hard. And it's not because life is easy, because life isn't easy, but because we add unnecessary chaos. You're wondering how we add unnecessary chaos? I'm glad you asked. Marcy, how do we add unnecessary chaos? Well, here's a few ways that we do that. This is a big one. Number one, we respond too fast. When life was simpler, wasn't always better. But we didn't have ways for people to get a hold of us immediately. And now we do. Just because someone texts you does not mean you need to respond immediately. How many of you feel when you get a text, whether you're driving, walking, talking, sitting? Just because someone has asked you a question does not mean they deserve an instant answer. Just because you saw it instantly doesn't mean, and I am I'm trying to take a beat with that. I'm trying to take a beat because I try to remember there used to be a time when everybody couldn't get a hold of me instantly. And I don't think we expect an immediate answer. Sometimes we do, sometimes it's an immediate question. But when I'm texting my friends and stuff, I'm not expecting them to immediately get back to me. And I'm sure when they're texting me, they don't expect it either. So we respond too fast. I'm gonna give you a sentence that will change your life. Let me think about that and get back to you. Say it, practice it, tattoo it on your soul. Let me think about it, and I'll get back to you. As we're doing this, I'm getting text galore. It's cracking me up. Anyways, tattoo that on your soul. You are allowed to consider, you are allowed to choose. Urgency is often someone else's problem, not yours. And that's what my friend Shane used to say. Your inability to plan does not create an emergency on my part. Think about that. When someone is freaking out or whatever, and we used to do this because in the office that we worked, we dealt with people who a lot of times created their own problems. And we had to remember just because they didn't plan and work things out correctly, it doesn't make an emergency on my part. Will I help them? Yes. Can I help them at the urgency they need? Maybe not. So that's number one. So number one was life does not need to be this hard and that we respond too fast. Number two, we explain ourselves too much. Oh, this one, this one took me years. You do not owe everyone a backstory, a justification, or a five-paragraph essay. No is a complete sentence. And I've talked about this on several podcasts. No is a complete sentence. So that doesn't work for me is also complete. No, that does so that doesn't work for me. That's also complete. I don't need to tell you why it doesn't work for me. It just doesn't. The more you explain, the more people think your decision is negotiable. Think about that. The more you explain, the more people think your decision is negotiable. It's not. Your decision is your decision. My decision to go on this trip alone was not negotiable with anyone. It's my decision. Some people think I'm crazy. Most people couldn't do it, so they think that it's impossible. It's not. I love to drive and I love to be alone. I also love to not drive, and I also love to fly, and I also like to be with people. All things are true. But when I looked at this six-week trip, the best way to do it was to drive. And let me tell you, I have not regretted that. Will there come a moment I regret it? Maybe, maybe not. But I'm not going to worry about that because we don't worry about things we cannot control. Number three is we confuse effort with effectiveness. Now, this is a big one. Okay. We confuse effort with effectiveness. Just because you are busy doesn't mean you're doing the right things. Just because you're right, just because you may look like a duck, calm on the top, and the little feet paddling like crazy, doesn't mean you're doing the right things. Some of the most productive people I know rest unapologetically, say no frequently, and don't volunteer for chaos. Being exhausted is not a personality trait. All right, so that was one, two, and three. All right, so we've got those down. Now let's talk about how to deal with people without losing your mind. This can be easy and this can be hard. It depends on the people you're dealing with. Let's talk about people because wow. So I've always been a chronic volunteer, and one of the volunteer jobs I've had in my past has been an Eagle Scout mentor in Boy Scouts. And one of my rules was if you were going to be a Boy Scout that worked with me, I was not going to deal with your parents. Parents want to get in there and muck the waters and do, but the the Eagle Scout and the Eagle Scout project was done by the boy, not the parents. So if your child worked with me, I wasn't going to work with you. I was going to work with your child. Not everyone deserves access to you, rule number one. This includes your time, your energy, your emotional labor. Now think about that. What is your emotional labor? Not everyone deserves your explanations. If there is someone in your life that constantly drains you, criticizes you, confuses you, or stresses you out, that is information that you need to use. You don't need a dramatic breakup. You don't need a speech. Sometimes the most powerful move is less access. You have total control over the access people have of you. We just talked about that. Just because someone texts you or calls you, does first of all, if they call you, you don't have to answer. And if I don't have time to talk to somebody, I don't answer. Because nothing is worse than picking up the phone and going, I'm busy right now, can't talk. Just don't answer. Nothing wrong with that. Somebody will leave me, Shane will leave me a message. Then I get back when I can, or vice versa, he, I leave a message for him and he gets back to me. You know, I don't want anybody to feel they have to take my call if they don't want it. And you may not want it because you're doing a podcast. You may not want it because you're in traffic and you really need to focus. That's fine. Don't answer my call because I won't answer yours. If I cannot talk to you, I will not, and I will not call you back if I can't talk to you. Now, Lynn and I have a uh understanding. I can only talk for 10 minutes, but I want to talk to you. And we, and or Lynn will have to get ready for work. We have this, we have an understanding. But don't ever answer the phone if you don't want to talk to me. Don't. And it doesn't mean you don't want to talk to me because you don't like me. It means you're busy. Don't answer the phone and tell the person on the other end you can't talk. Don't answer. That's the answer. So, and if there's someone in your life that you need to step away from, just create less access. Don't answer their calls, don't return texts. It speaks volumes. All right, number two, assume ignorance before malice, malice. But don't ignore patterns. Some people are just clueless, others are consistent. Pay attention to patterns, not apologies. Anyone can say, I didn't mean it like that, but if they keep doing it, they meant something. But but before you think that somebody's doing something with malice, and I I struggle with this because I have a negative mindset in a lot of ways. Although everybody seems to think I'm positive, my own self-talk is negative. And there's a couple people in my life that make comments that are hurtful, but I know they don't mean it that way. I know them, I know who they are, and it's just things they say, and I don't take it for malice. I just move on. And I suggest you do that too. The third one is stop trying to be liked by people you don't even respect. Oh good God, if you don't respect someone, who gives a crap? A rat's ass if they like you. Not everybody's gonna like you. I, Marcy Bacchus, is not everybody's cup of tea. I'm intense. I know a lot of weird stuff. I share advice. It could why do you think I have three podcasts, people? It's not because I don't like to talk, and it's not because I don't have things to say. I try to muffle, put a muffler on myself at times because I know I can be a lot. I have this weekend coming up with five of my friends. I know I can be overbearing, dominant, not that I intend to be. It's who Marcy is. And I try to roll that back when I can. That's on me, not on you. It's not on you. It's on me to manage my personality. But I certainly don't want to be liked by people I don't respect. And if I don't respect someone, I don't care if they like me. Move on, people, move on. All right. Decision-making tips I wished I'd learned sooner. So, all about let's make talk about decisions, big and small. Tip number one: if it's not clear, if it's not a clear yes, it's a no. Let me say that again. If you ask somebody and it's not a clear yes, that's a no. They just don't want to say no. Indecision is usually your intuition whispering, girl, absolutely not. So it goes for other people, but it also goes for yourself. If you can't clearly say yes, it's a no. And again, follow your intuition. Your intuition does not steer you wrong. Can you maneuver your intuition to be wrong? Yeah. But if you really sit back and listen to your intuition, it's gonna whisper, girl, absolutely not. You endanger, girl. You don't need more data. You need more honesty. When you're making decisions, you don't need more data. You need honesty. Most decisions are not permanent. We act like every choice is a life sentence. It's not. You can pivot, you can quit, you can change your mind. The ability to course correct is a superpower. And I remember this years ago, my friend was picking out fabric for her chairs to have them reupholstered. And she was making that decision as if it could never be changed. And how ironic! Because she was changing a decision she had once made by reupholstering that chair. Just remember, it can always be reupholstered again. A wall can always be repainted. Take that in your life and use it with other decisions. There is one thing. Tip number three is a non-negotiable. Don't make decisions when you're tired, hungry, emotional, or lonely. Do not make decisions when you're tired, hungry, emotional, or lonely. Nothing good comes from that. Take a nap, eat something, definitely sleep on it. The future you will be grateful. All right. The boring stuff that actually matters. Life runs smoother when. And nobody talks about this, but they should. Life runs smoother when you keep lists. Life runs smoother when you automate what you can. Life runs smoother when you simplify your routines. Decision fatigue is real. So if you don't have things in your life that are consistent and you're constantly making a decision, all the time, you're going to be fatigued and you're gonna make bad decisions. Fact. If you eat the same breakfast every day, every day on this trip, I have eaten yogurt. I've gone down to that breakfast bar full of make your own waffles, push a button, cook pancakes, you name it. I've eaten yogurt with a little cereal on it every single solitary day. I don't want to look at all that food. Make decisions, and then I don't want to feel bad about decisions I make. I didn't cook any bagels. I didn't. The bagels, the bagels I eat at home are Royo, R-O-Y-O. If you don't know about them, they're a low-carb, low-calorie bagel that are big, like the big Jewish bagels. They toast like a big Jewish bagel, they eat like a big Jewish bagel, but they have very low carbs, high in protein, high in fiber. So I'm not going to eat a crappy bagel at a buffet. So I don't have to feel bad later. I made the same decisions day by day. If you have a system for bills, meds, emails, genius. I have an email system that works for me. I hate emails in my box. So instead of having to make a decision, I make, I look at them trash, trash. I have a follow-up file, put it in the follow-up. If it's a receipt, it goes into the receipt file. I have files for everything in my emails. It's a system that works for me, it keeps me from having to make decisions. All of my bills are on auto pay. I don't have to think about them. My meds are on automatic refill. Don't have to think about them. Putting things in an automated way is genius. And we have so many ways to do it. All of my lights in my house go on at a certain time, go off at a certain time. As times change and things get darker and they have to go, I just go in and adjust them. But I don't have to think about turning my lights on. When I come home, my lights will be on if it's dark. Fix small annoyances immediately. That thing that mildly irritates you every day, fix it. If there's some trim hanging off your car and every day you go to get in it and you think, oh, that's annoying, fix it. My bumper had the clips had come undone, drove me nuts. Finally, I took it. I had a guy fix it, fix it with a permanent fix. So it won't happen again. This happens when you tap your bumper and I have a wall and a wall that jets out. It happens when I park at home. It is what it is. Doing my best to not do it, but I fixed it. Life is too short for squeaky, metaphorical doors. If something in your life irritates you, fix it. It's on you. Mindset shifts that change everything. Here are a few mental upgrades, I swear by. You don't need motivation, you need momentum. Start messy, start tired, start imperfect. Motivation shows up after action. Fix the messy, fix the tired, fix the imperfect. Motivation. Peace is a valid goal. Not everything needs to be exciting, not everything needs to be optimized. Calm is not boring. Calm is luxury. You are allowed to enjoy your life now. Not when everything is done, not when everything is perfect. I thought my life had to be perfect for so long for me to enjoy it. It doesn't. Mine and Craig's relationship is anything but perfect, but I'm enjoying my life now. And I'm enjoying my relationship. There's days I don't, there's days I do, just like all of us. I know that was a lot. This episode might be worth listening to twice. There's a lot of good information in there. So that's today's road trip wisdom. No aging talk, no life coaching nonsense, just real-world lived in advice from someone who's been paying attention. Just because I pay attention doesn't mean I'm perfect. If even one thing from today made you stop and think or made something feel lighter, then this episode did its job. As always, take what helps, leave what doesn't, and trust yourself more than you think you should. I'm Marcy Backis, and this is Inside Marcy's Mind. And wherever you are listening to from today, drive safe, be kind to yourself, and for the love of all things holy, stop making life harder than it needs to be. I'll see you next time. Next time I'll be coming to you from Lynn's house in Simi Valley, California.

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Marcy Backhus

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