I want to put a trigger warning on this episode because I discuss thoughts of self harm. If you are having similar thoughts, doc, please reach out to get some help because you deserve it. And now the time for the episode,

Hey Doc, I'm so excited because I started getting fan mail.  So in Buzzsprout, there's a little area where you can send a text message and it comes directly to my phone through my Buzzsprout app. And people have started sending messages. , one person congratulated me for passing my perinatal mental health certification exam.

So thank you so much. And somebody else asked a question about my transition from being employed to locums, which is what this episode is about. So this is for you, whoever you are, but just so you know, I love getting those messages, by the way, please continue to send them. They are. Below every single  podcast,  episode on all platforms, I think, but I can't see the number.

I can't see a name or anything. So if you actually want me to know who you are or to actually respond directly to you, you need to leave some extra information, or you can just email me but yeah, I wanted to talk about my transition from being employed.

To basically self employed and it was difficult, not the transition, but the reason I got there because it was a burnout story, another burnout story, but it was the best thing to happen to me. So I wanted to share that  in case you have questions about making this transition, you're feeling that you need to make some kind of change.

So, I was employed as a full time, full scope OBGYN with a large corporate medicine group. And you would imagine everything that comes with that. So everything came from some faceless person, miles and miles away. We had a lot of turnover in my department. My office itself was not very well run. My office manager was terrible and personally had it out for me.

Which I, I won't go into in much detail, but it was not a great experience. And I was on survival mode, so I was feeling like I was burnt out, but I was like, okay, I had really, really good benefits. Like, golden handcuffs type benefits. So I was like, okay.  I'm just going to get pregnant because we wanted to start trying for a second baby.

And then I will go on my maternity leave. I was about to come up for partner. So I would have a lot of leave, paid leave,  and I would just never come back. So that was the plan. In the meantime, burnout, burnout, burnout. I decided to start a business, not Dr. Toya Coaching, but a different business. And Because I didn't know anything about entrepreneurship, I joined a business coaching program. 

And that was, that was the best thing I ever did.  And it was in the creation and the promotion and the growth of Buy Default, which was my business. It was a directory for Black owned businesses and Black professionals who serve the Black community. It was through all of that, that I truly recognize my value as a physician. 

The business coaching program was led by a physician entrepreneur, Dr. Una. Shout out to Dr. Una.  And her entire message and platform is about physicians  living life and practicing medicine on their own terms, whatever that means. And she truly believes that physician entrepreneurship is the answer, which I also now believe as well, even if it doesn't mean a traditional starting your own business, which is a.

 A  topic for a different day, but it was through that coaching and the realization of my value and the true belief and the knowledge that I am the revenue generator as a physician,  all of this crumbles without me. There is no money. Like I still remember when we went to retreat and she drew it on the board  and put all of the admin, all of the nurses, everything.

We are the only ones. that generate revenue. Don't let anybody tell you any different because they are lying. So when that belief was embedded in my soul,  then I started to realize I don't need this. Like I don't have to stay here because I can do anything that I want to do because I am a physician, because of that MD.

I can always make money. There's always another answer and I do not have to continue to take this abuse. So with that realization growing, the burnout kind of accelerated. It's like my subconscious knew there's a way out, get there. So it culminated with  me saying to myself, well, if somebody just rear ends me as I am heading to work, it wouldn't really be that bad.

Like, I don't want to get hurt, but I just want to be hit bad enough so I don't have to go into the office. And unfortunately, I had had those thoughts before in residency.  And when I left residency, I told myself I will never be that unhappy again.  So imagine my surprise when  two, three years out, I am right back there.

I was like, nah,

 but the golden handcuffs, the benefits I'm going to have a baby, like I just need to hold on a little bit longer.  But it was very difficult once I knew there was a way out to justify continuing to be in that situation for much longer, even if it meant many, many months of paid leave sometime in the future, because we hadn't started trying yet. 

And the true peak I would say was when I was curled up in a ball,  crying on the floor, telling my husband  I could  just not do this anymore. I was so, so tired.  I don't even think I gave them two weeks notice. I really don't remember and I don't care enough to go back and check like I did with my postpartum story because that actually matters. 

But yeah,  in my job. We didn't have to give notice. I was going on vacation and I knew if I went home to Trinidad and came back, I could not go back to that job. So I told them, This is my last day. It was the day before I left, deuces,  like  figure it out.  And I had no plan.

I was like, I will figure it out. I'll probably just do locums. And that's what I did. So I took, I think four months off total because I knew I would need to get credentialed. So I started the process. To find locums, do all of that.  And in the meantime, ended up having four months off,  got pregnant  during that time and then started doing locums and going back to those lessons that I had learned during my entrepreneurial journey.

It helped me with my locums because I knew my value, I knew what I was bringing, I knew that they needed me, and I knew the value of my free time. So when I was on a beach in Lake Tahoe with my family,  and the recruiter called and asked if I could come in 24 hours early, so I would end up doing like a I think it was more than a 36 hour shift.

It was some ridiculous amount of hours. I was like, sure, I'll come for an extra 4, 800. And they ended up giving me four grand, but I would have never, I would have never even think to ask before. And it wasn't even the fact that I asked, it was that I  knew I was not going if they did not agree. And they knew that as well.

So they did not have a choice. They were desperate. They needed coverage. If it wasn't for my entrepreneurship, my business coaching, I would never have been able to do that. I would not have been able to say that I will not work for under a certain amount. I don't work anywhere for less than 200 an hour. As no physician should, and I understand that some specialties, , you really can't get that, but that's something else.

 As OBGYNs who do locums,, in general, push for higher rates, and it has moved the needle. So, when you think, oh, I'm peds, I can't get XYZ. Well, if you say it, it will be so. I'm not saying that I can go anywhere and demand 2. 50 an hour. I can't. But we continue to tell the recruiters this is what we deserve.

We go to places. that really need us to prove that we can garner these rates and then use that as negotiation and we don't back down and you can do that too.  Now I want to take a step back and say  I acknowledge that there are many people with unique circumstances and being in a specialty that generally pays lower is one of those unique circumstances.

Financial circumstances that are unique, not just loans, but even bigger financial circumstances, being out of practice for a while, people who cannot walk away because that's one thing with negotiation, right? You need to really be able to walk away.  Not all the time. I still believe that there's some room for negotiation, even if you need the job, but to be as bold as I am.

And as I was, You need to be able to walk away and not everybody can do that. So I definitely understand that. But having the mindset that you are the prize, that these people need you and they cannot make money without you, will naturally attract you to higher paying jobs. And then also being  practical and realistic.

Like, you're not going to go in the middle of a metro city, highly desirable, and get the highest rates. That's just not going to happen, right? So there are lots of different things to consider, but there are a lot of things that you can do to make sure that if you do take this leap, that you can support yourself and enjoy the freedom. Of being an independent contractor, because let me tell you, the freedom is  unmatched,  not having anybody telling me where I'm going, when I'm going, any of those things, being able to cancel shifts because I decided to go to Croatia. Yes, I've done that before. Like. I am unemployable at this point. So of course, I'm only talking about the transition to locums because that's what I did, but all of these things apply to other transitions as well.

, your value as a physician  is the same, if not more in other spaces. It just depends on what you want, what opportunities are available to you and how much you're willing to explore.  And it can seem overwhelming and, you know, your situation may be unique, but this is exactly what I coach my clients about.

 It's not just life transitions with going back to work and postpartum and all those things. We are whole beings, whole physicians who happen to be mothers, who happen to be all these other things.

 Figuring out if to stay at this job, how to transition to locums, all of those things come up with coaching when you have a physician mom who's in the early years of motherhood. So if you are thinking about making this transition, you don't yet have the belief, you don't know where to start. Go ahead and schedule that free coaching session and we can work through it together because I guarantee you 

there is a way for you to live life and practice medicine on your own terms. I'll borrow Dr. Una's statement because it is perfect, right? And I can help you with that.  So go ahead and sign up, share this podcast episode with another doc who needs to hear this message, who is burnt out at their employed position, who wants to strike out on their own, who wants to start a private practice.

Practice anything that does not involve having Somebody who has no idea what we do, tell us what to do, Share this episode with them and let's take back medicine. Let's take back our lives and just be free. All  right. So once you're done sharing, go ahead and leave a five star review on Apple podcasts, leave a five star rating on all other  platforms, and I will see you on the next episode of stethoscopes and strollers.