The Psychology of Resilience Dr. Jen's Journey

This week on Trauma Talk Thursdays, we honor the powerful and deeply human story of Dr. Jennifer Paweleck‑Bellingrodt — a psychologist, former Army clinician, and impact‑driven healer whose life has been shaped by trauma, service, and the emotional weight of caring for others.

In her spotlight, Dr. Jen opens up about the experiences that changed her, the moments that broke her open, and the truth she carried long before she ever taught anyone else how to heal. Her story is raw, emotional, and filled with the kind of honesty that reminds us how trauma shapes impact — and how impact shapes us in return.

After her spotlight, Dr. Jen joins Dr. Tash and Mr. Trauma Talks for a powerful conversation on emotional survival, the hidden cost of helping others, and the courage it takes to face your own story while holding space for everyone else’s.

This episode is for anyone who has ever carried too much, felt too deeply, or tried to stay strong when life demanded more than they had to give.
Dr. Jen brings truth, heart, and a reminder that healing is not a straight line — it’s a choice we make every day.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Conversations with individuals who share your resilience and understand your story. As we dive deep into the realm of mental, exposing the truth behind the challenges these remarkable individuals have faced. Discover how you have overcome adversity as these incredible souls take the stage in New York City. Sharing inspiring stories with everyone, experience the power of your comic talk, and common talking live. As we bring you face to face with individuals who have crime over the common side. Experience the magic of your trauma talk. Live in New York City with compassion and courage converge to create a space of feeling and empowerment. It's time to speak up, listen, and learn from those who have walked a similar path. Hello everyone, welcome to Trauma Twelve Thursdays. Wow. How was everyone's week so far? You know, every single day you wake up you read. You say, Thank God. You keep moving forward. Whatever you do when you wake up, but one thing you did do was wake up. And that is such a great blessing. So count your blessings and understand that you are not alone in all that you have been pulling from all the weeks that goes by. And yes, it's trauma talk Thursdays. I was asked just recently, Ra, why do you come up with all these names? Your trauma talks, trauma talk Thursdays. It just goes with a flow. It's trauma. Everyone's story is their trauma in which way that it happens. It's theirs, it's their struggle, it's their resilience, it's their truth. And today, as we did last week, we had an amazing guest, Dr. Jen, and she is backstage today, and she's sitting waiting. And this time the spotlight is on her. She's gonna share one of her lived experiences with you all. And then we, myself, and the amazing Dr. Tash is gonna have a beautiful conversation with her. So I am eager to hear her story and I'm excited, but also I'm excited. I was just having a conversation just about 10 minutes before we come on here. And I was speaking to Jasmine Mickey. You see her up on the screen right behind me there. Jasmine Mickey. Jasmine Mickey would be here in New York City for the Resilience Conference. It's a conference, it's a mental conference happening on Broadway in a theater, the Palladium Times Square. Can't beat that. And we would say, oh my god, we have jitters inside, we have butterflies inside. But it's resilience. Myself, together with all these amazing speakers, are coming together to talk our stories, our truth, our resilience, and how we have overcome for you to understand and know you are not alone. So let me do this right now and bring up the amazing, the beautiful, the talented Dr. Tash ready. How are you, Dr. Tash?

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Hi, Ra, hi everybody who's watching. Uh, welcome to the show. Thank you, Ra, for having me again. Um I'm very well, thank you. I am uh just been uh the kids are on holiday, so we've just been enjoying some downtime and uh relaxing a bit, resting. So, yes, I'm very excited about today's show, and I believe we're going to hear an amazing story.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

What do you have anything that's a catch up that you would like to share from last week? From from last week. Do you have anything that you want to share that happened exciting in your life that you want to share with us?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Uh exciting things that happened in my life. I have friends over and uh two people I love very much who are with me spending time with me. Um, so it's been a nice experience, but aside from that, I've also had challenges to go through, and uh, I've been watching a lot of movies. I watched Pretty Woman and I watched uh um after 30 years, watched it again uh with my daughter. So she is I loved it, I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

I um you decided you wanted to cry while you heal from your all right. So let's do yes, yes. So so I've been having a lot of downtime, and I wanted to bring up introduce the amazing Dr. Jan.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah, I um I think I'm very excited because a lot of people see us and they think we're experts, and uh they get intimidated by us. But what they don't understand is that there's a journey that comes with us, there's a journey that made us who we we've become. And Dr. Jen is one of those people. She's an expert in mental health awareness. In in she's a clinical psychologist, she's written three books, she she's on all social media channels, constantly posting videos that make a difference and has purpose in it. And so today I just want to, I'm just so excited about hearing her story, the journey that led to where she's come now. And it's important for me because even as a therapist myself, people see me as having the perfect life and being perfect, but I'm also human. There's a journey behind me, and there's a journey that built me to where I am now, and a pain that brought me here. So, today we get to hear how Dr. Jen actually got to this point, and we're very excited to have her and and on the show and um listen to her story. Hi, Jen.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

How are you, Dr. Jen?

SPEAKER_03 7:40

I'm good, thank you for having me again. I I enjoyed being with you guys last time, and I'm so excited to come back. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Well, today the spotlight is on you, so everything is the stage is all yours.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Thank you. So um, I've learned a lot about trauma as a psychologist for over 20 years. Um and I think it's important to first understand like the definition of trauma. So trauma looks different to different people. Um, there are emotional traumas, there are physical, sexual, spiritual, financial, um, you name it. People can be, as humans, we can be traumatized in a number of different ways. So I think what's important to know about trauma is that it's not the event, but it's the impact on you, it's your reaction to it, which is why multiple people can witness the same thing or be part of the same traumatic situation. And maybe one gets PTSD and the other does not. It has to do with who, what's happened in their lives up until that point, it has to do with the nervous system that they have, it has to do with vulnerabilities that they have popping off in that moment. And and historically, history has a lot to do with it. But so history being the, I mean, I'm sorry, trauma being the sort of um the impact that something has on you and how you react to it based on what's going on for you. So the the traumas that I've experienced in life, and there have not been many, I feel very fortunate about that, um, but the traumas that I've experienced have largely been emotional versus other types of trauma, at least that I remember. Right? I think the brain has a way of repressing certain things and and keeping us safe. So, you know, it's always possible that there are things that uh we don't remember. But the one I'd like to talk about today has to do with my career, which is the the persona that I have in public. So I feel like that's the the important one to focus on. So the the way in which this was traumatic to me was an ego hit, honestly. It was an emotional, psychological event for me that affected my ego and how I see myself, and at that moment, what I plan to do for my career. So let me set the stage a bit. Um, I was um out of graduate school and I was in the Army as an Army psychologist. I was at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, DC for my one-year residency through um after having done the health profession scholarship program for um psychologists, which put me through graduate school, thankfully. One of the one of the best experiences of my life in general, the military. Um, the best shape of my life. I learned what I was capable of, lots of amazing things, got to meet lots of amazing people, help lots of amazing people serve our country. It was a true honor for me. So as I'm going through residency, I have a weekly meeting with a supervisor. Um, she outranks me by experience and actual rank. Um, and she is there to guide me and give me my supervision hours as I'm learning to become, training to become a psychologist. And so I really looked up to her, I admired her, she was a baddie. I thought she was the coolest. Um, and so I meet with her every week and we're talking. And that morning, I'm gonna try not to cry talking about this because this was so pivotal for me. Um, that morning we had had a seminar all of the res all of the psychology residents. And we were talking, I don't even know what we were talking about, but whatever it was, she was not fond of my answer, let's just say. And so we got to supervision and she said, Um, essentially, I don't remember verbatim her words, thankfully, but essentially she said that she really didn't like my answer to that question. She didn't think it was valid, she didn't think it was good, she didn't think it was thoughtful, whatever it was. And she asked me to consider if I thought that I had basically just gotten by on my looks up to that point. And I was in my 20s at this time, and you know, she's actually suggesting that my looks have carried me, which I mean, some people might process that as a compliment. I absolutely did not. I knew exactly what she was saying, and this is where it hurt because I had by that point, I had had, I'd been through graduate school for three years. I had had 3,000 hours of patient contact and a thousand hours of supervision before I even got to her. But none of that information in that moment with her sitting, you know, a couple feet from me was enough for me to be able to say, yeah, no, I don't um, I don't, I don't buy, I don't believe that, I don't buy into that, I don't, I don't agree with you. It struck me because the relationship we had, she had been very supportive, she had been very encouraging. And then all of a sudden she says this, and it it was it felt like a betrayal. Again, this was emotional to me, thankfully not physical, but a lot of people say emotional traumas are more powerful than powerful than physical. Um, I think they're both terrible. Um, but again, this was an ego injury for me. So I just was in shock. And again, not a compliment. And I remember this tornado of emotion, and I cried in her office. Um, I made it through the rest of the day somehow, put on a happy face and dealt with patients and did what I was supposed to do. I cried on the way home, I cried after. It was just a tornado of emotion. And at some point, I don't remember the exact moment, but at some point, I probably slept on it, my brain consolidated. Um, I most likely prayed over it because that's my go-to. And at some point, I gathered up enough evidence, looking back at the evidence, I would say, where's the beef? So where's the evidence that what she's saying is true or not? So I looked at the evidence, I looked at other experiences that I had, and I looked at what I think is God's calling for me in this life. And essentially, I gathered up, I created enough cognitive dissonance between what she said and who I believed I was that I was able to say, hold my beer. And so what I did, what I have done for the rest of my career is prove her wrong straight up. That motivated me. I decided that that was gonna motivate me. I didn't believe it to be true. I had received a lot of reinforcement for the work that I had done. I had done very well in my graduate program, etc. I had plenty of evidence, had lots of, as I said, patient contact hours, and I had helped a lot of people who were very grateful. They gave me specific feedback on how I was helpful. Also, if I wasn't helpful, they told me that. But I had all of this evidence, and then I had God's calling on my heart, and I put those together, and I basically said, Yeah, no, that's not gonna define me. That moment was impactful, as you might imagine, because I could have decided, yeah, she's right, you know, I should talk to the army about something else that I could do, or I should leave the army entirely and just do something else with my life. I could have decided to release myself from the calling that I felt God had given me and do something different. And so, what it comes down to in trauma recovery is finding your pivot in that way. So, what is it that you can do to overcome what's happened to you? Now, I've been coaching people and therapizing people for over 20 years. I've written books, I've written a book on betrayal and overcoming those sort of traumatic experiences. So there are lots of ways and lots of resources out there beyond me that you can tap into to do this. And I don't mean to simplify or minimize anybody's trauma. I've heard, I've heard stories upon stories, traumatic things that people have been through emotionally, psychologically, physically, sexually, spiritually, financially, all of the ways that people can be traumatized. I've heard those stories in the past two plus decades. So I'm not trying to minimize that or say, hey, just gather the evidence and charge on. You've got this, right? It's not that simple. There is work that needs to be done. There is, um, for me, for my approach, I'm gonna take people through a psychodynamic conceptualization. So I'm gonna do a clinical interview that talks to them about everything that has led them and impacted them up until the point they sit in front of me. You have to understand where you come from in order to do something different going forward. It's very difficult to change your personal narrative if you don't even understand how it was written in the first place. So once you understand that, then you can walk through the trauma, um, do some desensitization, get that into a different place. You can your brain can compartmentalize it in a healthy way. We can't forget, we can't just sort of pluck these things out of the brain. Maybe that's coming one day, but we can't do that. So, what we do is we reframe, we reprocess, and then we compartmentalize that in a healthy way while incorporating it into who we are because it's unmistakable. And then we make the efforts to learn skills, to learn how to dispute negative thoughts, to learn how to overcome self-limiting beliefs that were brought about as a result of our experiences. So it's all about taking all of this information in and figuring out how you're going to pivot, how you're going to do differently in the sense that you can't change what happened, but you can change the impact that it continues to have on you. You can change how that works for you. So that early moment, and there have been experiences since then. I mean, if you follow me on social media, you've probably seen the recent attacks that I've been under from some of my followers or people seeing my content. There are always things that are going to, when you when you put yourself out there in that way and you're giving an opinion, there are always things that are going to impact how you think about yourself. There are always going to be people who have things to say. I mean, you know what they say about opinions, right? So there's always going to be that negativity. There are always going to be naysayers. Same thing with trauma. Those things may still come up in your brain. It's not that you have forgotten them, but it's that you learn how to handle them differently when they come up. So it's kind of like the notion of forgiveness. Forgiveness is incredibly healing. It's not done for the forgivee, it's done for the forgiver. And if you encounter some reminder of that situation in the future that triggers you, which is what trauma usually does, then you learn a different way to handle that. So it's kind of like forgiveness in the sense of if you have decided to forgive someone and then this memory comes up, you decide to forgive them again and again and again. It's kind of like in the Bible, it talks about 70 times seven is the number of times we're supposed to forgive someone. That doesn't mean that you allow someone to injure you 489 times before you finally say, on the 490th time, that's enough. This is about learning how when that recollection comes up, you do something different with it. You don't let it define you, you don't let it influence your emotions. You can change your thinking around it. So that's what's really important in trauma recovery is changing your thoughts because the way it proceeds in the brain is thought, feeling, behavior. Always in that order. Now, a lot of times people have these sort of um based on trauma or not, they have these sort of emotional reactions that seem to come out of nowhere. Well, in order for that to be a trigger for you, I believe that your brain, the supercomputer that it is, has to process that and have that register on you in some sort of thoughtful way, even if it's a nanosecond, to generate a feeling and then the behavior. So going back to my career pivot, um, I could every time I had some doubt, or every time one of these naysayers comments on my social media post, I could go back to that place and say, you know what, now they're giving evidence for that. But these are just opinions. And at this point, I have 20 plus years of experience and watching people's lives change every day, that I'm better able to dispute it. So time helps. Time, you know, they say time heals all wounds. I don't actually believe that. I think work is how you overcome the wounds, and I think that that's how we build resilience. We talked last week about um Dr. Tosh said the beautiful thing about resilience requires processing, and that has just stuck with me because yes, that's what it is. It's not just we go through these things and then we sit in our own minds and hearts with these things. Resilience is processing it and overcoming those things. So accumulating evidence for the contrary, whatever's happened to you that's been traumatic, you process that in a certain way. We want you to learn to process that in a different way so that it doesn't impact you and keep you from pursuing whatever your calling is or whatever it is that you want to pursue. So I think we have when bad things happen, we have an opportunity to see those. In a number of different ways. Are we going to let that define us? Well, if we don't let good things define us and make us think that we're the greatest thing since pockets of shirts, we shouldn't let negative or bad things define us either. We have a choice. Again, not to minimize anyone's traumatic experiences. I've heard countless stories that just are devastating things that have happened to people. But they make the choice to incorporate this is part of my history, but I'm not going to let it define me. And I think that's really what that moment with my supervisor taught me was that you don't have to believe what people are selling. You don't have to buy what people are selling. You have to believe what they're telling you. You have a choice. You don't have to believe what your history is telling you, that these things happen to you, therefore you must be fill-in-the-blank kind of person. You must be bad. You must have asked for it. You must be terrible. Blah, blah, blah. All the BS that we tell ourselves when bad things happen. You have the choice to make a pivot and to overcome that. It's going to be work. You're going to have to update the software. It's going to take time. It's not going to be quick, but you absolutely can do it. So that is really what I learned from that experience. And then from 20 plus years of watching people walk through intense trauma and overcoming the things that they have been through. So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

And she said, You can, you shall, you will.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yes. Sorry. Hi, Dr. Jen. Thank you for telling us your story. One of the things I was thinking about when you were talking about it is um how we allow a past, our history to define us. And uh we stuck in in uh caricatures, like you would say, of of that past. You know, there's the trend now where everybody's putting a caricature of themselves and they're putting, you know, all the things that that define them. And most of the time times that is not actually what defines them. You'd find there's a deeper level and a deeper, deeper part to them that they're not even aware of. And a lot of people ask me, but how can I just sleep and wake up and have everything go away? Uh, nobody wants to do the hard work, nobody wants to process, nobody wants to go through the steps of healing. They want to just, you know, wake up one day and hope it'll all go away. And uh that is uh one of the things that's so important in healing is doing the work, taking the steps, uh confronting the the very things that break you, confronting the very things that hurt you. I mean, we're human, we're all susceptible to hurt, we you know, pain, uh trauma. Um, even if we're experts, we are. So a lot of people want to know, but where do I start? And uh what advice would you give them? Where do you start?

SPEAKER_03 25:11

Well, I think just being aware that you have to start is the is the first step, or the starting is an option, right? Awareness is the is the prerequisite for change because if you don't believe that you have any issues or challenges or problems or whatever, you're not gonna be motivated to change, right? And so I think you know, rock bottom looks different for every person, but I think we have to reach our own personal rock bottom before we're motivated to change. Our brain is constantly doing a cost-benefit analysis. And when the costs of staying stuck are greater than the benefits, you're finally gonna move. That's when you move the needle, that's when you get the help. So once you hit that awareness, pat yourself on the back. That's huge because it requires insight and introspection, it requires humility, which is often very difficult for us as humans, especially with all the images we see on social media and everything looks perfect and everyone's lives are wonderful. We all know that's a croc, but it's the persona, right? So once you have that awareness, then start digging into resources. So obviously, I'm biased as a psychologist. I think everyone can benefit from therapy. Um, I went through therapy in my graduate program, and after that, part of the graduate program was they wanted us to experience it, was one of the best things I ever did. You really learn to look at yourself and see yourself in the context of your history and what that means and whether that defines you or not, how you look at that, what you do with that. So the therapy I think is huge, especially if there's that, as I mentioned, that psychodynamic conceptualization where you understand how things have influenced and impacted who you are. And then the trauma processing as well. So therapy is my is my first. Not everyone can afford therapy, and I understand that. Um, what I tell people is you can look locally for resources and therapists or county, a lot of times county agencies will offer like a sliding fee scale or free services. You can dig into that. You can buy a book. If you can't afford to buy a book, you can check a book out at the library, find the resources, do a search, especially with AI now. If you if you feel like, hey, here's what's going on for me, these are the symptoms that I'm experiencing. This is the awareness I've the awareness I've just come to, and it'll give you resources for what to do with that or about that. Um, so there are there are resources that you can read, there's therapy, um, there's online training courses, different things that you can do online. There are online groups, there are support groups, there are paid skills groups like my TikTok BPD skills group. There are tons of resources out there and available. So once you have that awareness, take that motivation and dig in. Strike while the iron is hot, is what I always say.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

You know, Dr. Touch. Now we know Dr. Touch, you said something as well, though. When when you said when you started, you said that you don't just wake up one day and it's all gone. But as a truth, though, after you heal and you've moved on further, you do wake up one day and be like, hey, you know, that's what's going on with me. So you know, you know that you have to be able to tell yourself it's temporary, it happened, it's happening now, the hurts is happening now. You know, I'll just just uh uh add in to Dr. Chen. I mean, there's this I interviewed this guy, a music um he's a great music teacher now and a piano teacher. He even went all the way to Germany to play. When he was doing his master's degree, I had that on YouTube. I it's taking down now. I interviewed him. He told me when he was doing his master's um degree, his teacher looked at him in the face and tell him, Hey, this is not for you, you should quit. Yeah, Dr. Chen, I I I feel you when and then it's always that. I've heard things like that in the past, like you know, we just get by or someone just they just judge you on a based on something different. When you actually idolize them or love them in a way and look up to them, that breaks you. So I understand how that feels. So Tatasha has a question for you, you guys. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

I think what you said just now, it has a lot to do with people who feel threatened by energy, uh, which we'll talk about more, um, that compromises their self-belief uh or their self-worth. Um, you know, and so as soon as they see energy that is stronger, um, uh Dr. Jen, I don't know if you agree with me because I have a lot of people who do the you know the same. And I love what Ross says, every rope has an end, right? So people, as soon as they experience your energy and and get an uh inkling of the fact that your energy is stronger or has the potential to be stronger, um, then based on their own lack of self-esteem or self-worth, they try to diminish your energy just to make their energy grow. Um, so is it do you agree? I do.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

I always talk about this as like a middle school phenomenon. So it's this notion where I see it a lot back when I worked with um younger children, I saw it a lot in like middle school girls. Um, I experienced it in middle school myself. That's that's a whole other discussion, the the trauma, the trauma of being bullied. Um, but it's it's like, you know, if if if your peers, right? So you're both in the same grade, same age, whatever, your peers, and one person feels insecure, they're processing their own issues or whatever, they feel insecure and they want to feel better about themselves, they will try to bring you down. So they try to elevate themselves and or push you down, or both, and talk about, you know, make fun of you or bully you or whatever, they're intimidated, as you say, by that energy. I love that that sort of explanation. And so it they're trying to change the the social dynamic where they feel better about themselves and they knock you down a peg, if you will. So looking at it as an intimidation, uh, being intimidated by a by an energy of someone, I love that idea of that way of seeing it. Absolutely, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

Now I have to ask you, uh you you were an absolute expert, and I love how you explain things. But in the moments that you're alone or you're struggling with something, which I'm sure you do, um, how do you how do you process or cope? Is there someone you talk to or do you go for therapy? Um, you know, because I sometimes a therapist needs therapy as well. And people don't understand that. It's like if you know all of the the ways in which to heal yourself, why do why are you going to someone else?

SPEAKER_03 32:12

Right. So I think it's it's one of those ideas where you know sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. I talk about like when you're in the muck and the mire of something, you you can't really see things clearly. And so in the past, I have gone to um various practitioners, therapists to get guidance or get a different perspective, get a different take, try to understand things from a different angle. Um, I will um look into resources um on um, you know, overcoming negative thoughts. I built resources on overcoming negative thoughts because I've faced them so much. Um and nowadays I I talk to my family. So I have a husband and two teenagers, and they're they're they're interested or at least they feign interest in uh what's going on for me uh on social media. So if I tell them like, oh, guess what I got called today? That was a first, or oh wow, look at that, you know, they're they just kind of laugh with me. They're like, oh my gosh, you know, um, if there's any truth to it, um they'll certainly tell me, like, well, you know, maybe like my daughter loves to give me feedback on my social media presence, which I greatly appreciate, actually. Um, but a lot of times my husband is just the the validator um who says, you know, you just you just can't, people are not well. Hurt people hurt people, right? So you just can't let these things influence you. And I think they're able to to laugh with me because they know I've been doing this for so long. They also know the the huge number of people that I've been able to serve and help in two decades. And so they always remind me, like, hey, you can't take that seriously. You know what they say about opinions, it's just an opinion, you know, and so they're they're there to support and validate. So support and validation from those around me, therapy, lots of different things that I've tapped into over the years for sure, because it still affects you. Yeah, you know, we're not, yes, we're experts, we're practitioners, we've been doing this for a very long time. We have lots of training, we have tons of experience, but we're not bulletproof.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

Yes, no, and and I think what people don't understand is in our jobs and our professions, we're taking on negative dumping, like literally, uh, people dumping on us with negativity. And we need an outlet as well. We need um we need to to talk about or to uh extend that that negativity that builds up in us from having to use expend our energy to to make them positive, we need an outlet as well. And um, you know, it's so important. Like in 2023, I I checked myself into one of the psychiatric hospitals as a patient. I didn't let anyone um I went by my maiden name, I didn't let anyone know who I was, and um, I was incredibly thin at the time, so no one even recognized me. But I went in because I was ill, but I went in and um I was just so curious about what people were dealing with. Um and uh and when I went in, I found that people were literally taking time off work and spending time there, and then uh as a holiday, right? As a holiday, and and and then I went into therapy and I found that everything was so um basic, you know, just put a pull in your mouth, um you stand it, how are you feeling today? What are you doing? Um, you know, yeah okay, it's fine, we'll jot that down on a chart, and you know, and when I came out of there, I realized that um it takes so much more than that to help people. It takes you really listening, really being there, really feeling them and making them more especially know that you know what they feel, that you you identify with it. Because sometimes they put us on a pedestal and they think, oh, what does she know? She's never had to go through this. She does she doesn't know this. Why, why, why is she even why does she even you know it's like idols, it's like uh contestants telling the judges, you you haven't even released us a hit song and you're telling me how to sing, you know? It's so it's very important to actually make them feel like you do know. So um when I go back, when I was 21, I was uh put in a psychiatric institution, and I tell people if I could really go back and live my life, I'd still include that. Because, like you said, um that psychodynamic is one of the most important experiences you can have because it shifts you, it shifts you, and you don't look at the world the same again, you don't look at people the same, you don't look at things the same, but it doesn't mean that you're not going to make mistakes and that you're not going to uh falter and uh you know get lost along the way. Um, I think I'm talking too much. I'm gonna leave it to Jake.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

I I love what you were saying because that's one thing I always say though, and this is something that I a lot of people need to understand. You can't go back and change anything. So one of the nicest parts about that is if it had to unfold again, you needed that. You needed that lesson, you needed that path to unfold in that way, you needed to be in that side ward, or or you needed to be there to shape you, to be who you are. Every single step of the way, Dr. Chen, when she said that and how she broke down and and everything like that, she has to pull herself together at the end of the day. It's it made her stronger, it made her understand wow, there are individuals like that out there, and this is how we gotta handle it. And it's not just me, it's gonna happen too. So I really love this, Dr. Chen. You did you came out with a really amazing story today. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

Oh no, my my pleasure. And again, I realize that you know, that was uh uh an ego injury for me, and I know that you know trauma obviously spans a very broad continuum. Um, but I think that you know, to to your point, Dr. Tosh, what you were saying, that you know, a lot of times people they see us in a certain way and they make certain assumptions about what our lives have looked like. And you know, I I shared one of many things that have happened in my life because it's not the gen hour, so I'm not gonna tell you my you know my entire life story, but um I think it's no one, even as an expert, and we've been doing this for decades, no one person can experience every single thing that everyone has been through. You know, and um it's it's just a matter of we have the experience, we have training, we have these things that help us, and and a heart and a calling, I believe. Um, we have these things that help us to help other people, even if we haven't walked through exactly what they've walked through, that's impossible. Thankfully, one person can't go through every single traumatic experience in the world, right? It just doesn't work that way. So, so um I think it's it's a function of uh an ability that we have, have been given, have cultivated, have developed whatever to help people reframe their experiences. So when when I was in um graduate school, we had a practicum every year, and my third year I was at the Veterans Administration in Texas, and I was sitting in a group. Uh, I've written about this, that it was another pivotal moment, impactful moment, where the I was sitting with some Vietnam veterans, and obviously I'm much younger than Vietnam veterans, um, and this was you know 30 years ago, even. But um, I made a comment as this gentleman was processing something that happened and he was living in a lot of survivor guilt and regret and so forth. And I made a comment about how to process that and and try to see that differently, and he became enraged. What could I possibly know this young female who'd never been in a war zone, etc., etc., etc. Sure, I hadn't been there, he's right. But the way I presented it to him was the universality of human emotion. So I presented a different traumatic event to him and said, you know, if I told you that I went through this traumatic event, have you been through that exact thing? Well, he said, No. Um, and I said, But can you imagine how I might feel, what that might be like? And he he got quiet, which means, you know, now you you've gotten somewhere, you've made an impact, right? And so we we proceeded and and we were fine throughout. So I I really think that's it, is just this commonality, this universality of human experience. Yes, I haven't walked through the things that you've been through, you haven't walked through what I've been through. But can we understand what that's like? Again, trauma is not the event, it's the impact. So, can I understand how you processed that trauma and dealt with that? Yeah, absolutely. I can hear what you're telling me, I can experience the universality of human emotion, etc. etc. And so we connect in that way and we move forward. So, as providers, we don't have to have experienced every single thing that people have been through in order to help them.

SPEAKER_02 42:01

I like that. That is so true. Because you sit and talk to someone and you can use one of your examples that it's totally something different, but it's how you handle a situation, and you can just drop it back in there for them. It's all about you know connecting with that person, connecting and understanding, as I say, you know, so you don't have to live the trauma. I really, really this is really amazing. Dr. Jen is also an author of three amazing books. And would you care to tell them about these three books one more time? We know we heard it's on mental health bites, but I wonder about it again.

SPEAKER_03 42:42

Sure. Um, the first book was uh the first book that I wrote is Fix Your Freaking Marriage: practical tips to just start somewhere. All of these books are available on Amazon. Um, if you want a signed copy, you can reach out to me. I've got, you can probably see that stack of them there, so I can I can mail that to you. Um, but this is all about um 16 components of a healthy marriage. Starts out with forgiveness because by the time people reach me for marital work, they are living in some unforgiveness. There's some water under the bridge. So it details forgiveness, talks about dealing with challenging personalities in marriage. The second book is um the Perimenopause survival guide. It's called You're Not Crazy. And that one is audio and ebook, so I don't have a hard copy of that. You can find that on Amazon. The most recent labor of love, love is Get Over It. And this is the no nonsense guide for transforming betrayal pain into lasting power. So, whatever betrayal you've had in your life, um, abandonment, disappointment, um, neglect, abuse, um, adultery, you name it, whatever the betrayal is, this is the step by step guide to working through that. There's a chapter about forgiveness in here because it is the most healing. Some people argue that it's. Not required. I believe there's some degree of it that you have to do in order to release yourself from the power of that person or that event. Again, forgiveness is not done for them, it's done for you. So that's detailed in here. Those are the books. I have another one coming up about overcoming the agony of indecisiveness, and then a fifth one coming up about overcoming the self-limiting beliefs that block us in all areas of life. And start from when we're young, especially before the age of six, because there's a particular brainwave state we're in that makes things very even more impactful when they happen to us. So that's the current trajectory. Three done, two more.

SPEAKER_00 44:45

Well done. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

I'd love to read the one on betrayal. I'm actually going to, well, I'm going to ask you for a signed copy so you can mail one to me in South Africa. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Amazing. And also tell them where they can find you.

SPEAKER_03 45:04

So I'm on on most of the socials. Um on Instagram, it's um The Psych with a Mike. On YouTube and on YouTube, it's um ShrinkThink with Dr. Jen. And then on TikTok is Shrink Think. And then my um Facebook is just my name. You can type in Jennifer Bellingrott and you'll get my profile. Um different content on the platforms sometimes, but a lot of similar content across them. So if you follow me on one, um, you know, you don't have to be overwhelmed with all the different platforms. You can just pick one. If you're interested in um BPD content, uh borderline personality disorder, that's my specialty, along with relationships. So the most BPD content you're gonna find that on TikTok at shrink.think. That's where I'm at.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Love it, amazing.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

I have been following, and I have to tell you, your content's amazing. I I I was so taken away with it. So well done. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I've been reposing, I've been reposting and reposting and re-she resharing and resharing. So yeah, I am very proud of you. Well done.

SPEAKER_03 46:16

Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 46:17

You got some fans here because we really love it too. Because you know, like you hear sometimes people try to diagnose you without being uh a psychologist or psychiatrist or something, and they always tell you they hear some parts of your story and they try to tell you what you're not. But I love how you break it down, and especially when it is that you see how difficult it is to, you know, deal with BPD patients, and most people don't want to, you know, actually take on a case like that. So I love it, I love it, I love it, I love your passion that you have. I'm I'm grateful that you're on trauma talk Thursdays today, and I am very happy that you were on Mental Health Bite, sharing all those mental health bytes with us. And we look forward to hearing your story and acceptance of our mental health conference on April 25th from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and it's virtual. The event bride is going to be up so y'all could take a look at it, and y'all are going to hear Dr. Tash, Dr. Jen, Susie. We have Yvonne Chotner coming back, and she's about to tell some amazing stories. And we have another divorce and life um uh psychologist as well that's coming on here, Sharon Nichols. So she is also gonna be part of the conference called Acceptance. You're gonna be blown away by this. So thank you so much, Dr. Jen, again. And and you know, before you go, any last words you and Dr. Tash want to share? Go ahead, it's all yours.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

I I just want to make sure that people understand that there is hope and help available. No matter what you've been through, no matter how overwhelming it seems to you, or daunting or unconquerable, there is always hope. I have seen some of the most traumatic, um abusive people, uh histories in people, and those people, it's it's it's small, it's incremental, right? It's not you're not gonna have this fixed by next Tuesday when you've been doing it your way for 20, 30, 40, 50 years, right? Um but there is hope. I see it every day. And so many people think that BPD is untreatable and and they're terrible people and they can never get better and they're always abusive. I just had someone comment that crap again, and it just it's so frustrating because I've been doing this for so long that it it I can't tell you how rewarding it is to watch people change in these incremental ways, little by little, and then all of that accumulates and they they notice a shift eventually in their lives where they're like, wow, that happened and I handled it differently. I love hearing those stories. So, whatever it is that you're wrestling with, do not give up hope. There is always help available if you're willing to take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_00 49:20

And I think I love what you said, Dr. Jen, that we have a heart for it and we have a passion for it. It's not about uh how much money we make or about how many bookings we have, or we give our best and we have a heart because we've gone through pain and we understand and want. And the most rewarding thing for us is seeing someone have that that shift, have that look at life differently, have a new perspective on life and and uh choose to live in victory rather than in victimhood, you know. So it's it's something that I love seeing in my patients. I love seeing that change that they do. And as long as you're willing, there's help. There's so many people can that can help. This weekend, uh, because it was the Easter weekend, and I know many people get lonely on the Easter weekend because it's a it's a family holiday. Um I put up all of the numbers they could call, free, free numbers, toll free numbers that they could call uh if they were feeling down or feeling suicidal or feeling, and people were saying to me, but why how can you do that? I mean, it's like taking your business away. And I'm like, I'm not about the business, I'm about making sure lives are saved and people people get the help they need. So, yes, we that's what uh we're both passionate about, I think, and why we put so much of our heart and soul into it. So I want to tell everyone out there there's there's you know, there's so much support available if you just reach out and take make the choice to to to go on that journey. Yep, amen.

SPEAKER_02 51:00

That is so beautiful. See that, and also it all sums up to you are not alone, someone out there is going through something just like you. So be kind, be nice, share positive things, share love, you know, and when it's not happening for you, don't be dung and out and depressed and beat up yourself. Because guess what? It's all temporary. Remember what Ross say all the time? What's meant for you shall never pass you by, and what passes you by was never meant for you. Just like there once was a man who had the blues because he had no shoes down the street. He met a man who had no feet. So when you think that your problems is piling upon your shoulders and it's heavy, yes, it could be heavy, but at the end of the day, trust me, you're blessed with what you have compared to someone else. This is Trauma Talk Thursdays. You know, this is Mr. Trauma Talks, the amazing Dr. Tash Riddy, and we had and been blessed one more time today with the amazing Dr. Jen. I want to tell you all thank you so much for being here and doing what you do for all of us. Thank you. We love you all.

SPEAKER_03 52:12

Thank you.