52 - Garret Clark Pt 1: Thanos of Emergency Nursing

Join nurse and East Coast, Ventura, California, and San Antonio, Texas native Honored Guest as he chats about alphabet soup, accelerated learning, being an EMT, falling into both love and nursing, navigating personal challenges having multiple rainbow babies, and more!

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome to today's episode of Feeding Our Young, where I'd like to say we are a voice crying out in the wilderness. No, we're not that important. I don't put myself or our honored guests on any level close to John the Baptist or anything in that regards, but we are a voice crying out in the wilderness. It came to me today on a run. We are the voice of hopefully hope, encouragement, uplifting, empowering in the wilderness of today's current society, which is backbiting and cynicism and critical criticizing of each other. And so I cannot find a more better example of someone who uplifts, encourages, and empowers others than the gentleman who does that for myself. And I'm sure for those that interact with him, I'd like to introduce today's guest, Mr. Garret Clark. Garret, how you doing this fine? What the heck is today? Thursday morning? I think I lost track as soon as the week started, Tuesday? Wednesday. Yeah. Wednesday morning. on it somewhere. It's middle of the week -ish. Or don't think at all. Whatever works. don't know. Speaking of great minds, before we get into our usual questions, I happen to notice you got a few letters after your name. Would you mind explaining for the listening audience your love of education by expounding on the alphabet soup that is your title? Yes. So, officially, I do have my master's degree. So I have MSN in education, which I'm sure we'll talk about Eric and as well as my RN, but I also have three board certifications, as a, you know, battle hardened ER nurse, a trauma nurse that I like to call myself. only me. I only say that to myself. I have my, I have my certified pediatric emergency nurse, board certification as well as trauma certified registered nurse. and certified emergency nurse, which really covers the adult aspect of things. hopefully soon I will be able to add two or three more, which will be transport, flight and burn. So they have six board certifications and it's going to be like the gauntlet from, you know, Marvel universe. I'm just going to try to collect all, all of the infinity stones and whatnot that I can. Yeah. mean, third grade spelling bee champion, like whatever I can put. ha ha! end of my name, I would try to put it there. I've seen people put ACLS and BLS and PALS and it's really funny, but we love the alphabet soup, us nurses. Which is funny because I personally haven't seen that and I'm glad I haven't because like those are different kinds of sort of those are not like I think any nurse in that's been around for a while would be like what no Like like what like yeah, no CPR. What do you like anyone? You know can be like hi. My name is John Doe CPR Okay, that so here you are everybody now you are forewarned. You are now gonna be sitting with a pair of nerds today We're already talking about the infinity gauntlet of certifications. I am speaking with the Thanos of emergency nursing. for the benefit of everybody, for the benefit of everybody, will you just read your name with all of those certifications, including the ones you want? Just letters. I want to hear the letters. So it'll be Garret Clark, MSN, ED, RN, CPEN, TCRN, CEN, hopefully to add CTRN, CFRN, and CBRN. can't even, like, can't, my brain cannot process that. I love it, I absolutely love it. Okay, so we already know the answer to the next question, which is what degrees do you hold? But no, where did you graduate and approximately how long ago did you graduate with each of your degrees? Yeah, so I graduated in 2018, so not very long ago with my bachelor's. And, you know, I fumbled around like a lot of people struggling with trying to find a nursing school or even get accepted during that time. Now I think it might be a little bit easier to get in depending on where you live, but I was living in California, so I ended up going to a accelerated program at West Coast University, and it's in North Hollywood, California. I was driving about an hour. couple days a week just to get my BSN finished and it was everything from pre -reqs to nursing core. So it was all the chemistry, microbiome, mean English, like it was everything all included and 39 months. There we go. was gonna say I have two questions. One of what you said accelerated. So how accelerated? 39 months. Holy cow. And then the second question was, let's see, you said you traveled about an hour. So I'm gonna equate that was north of Hollywood. about five miles. Is that what? No, thanks. I'm good. All right. So sorry, continue. Yeah, no. So after I finished my BSN, I mean, I started, I moved from California to Texas. I live in San Antonio currently. And after a couple of years, I, I mean, I used to teach EMS, so I knew I wanted to keep teaching. And so I was like, well, I think I can get a graduate degree in nursing education. So I decided to go back to school and I researched a lot of different places and I was looking for something that was really self paced, that was able to be on my time and not on a schedule because you know, family and life and things just get in the way sometimes. And so I ended up signing up for Western Governors University and completing their MSN program with an emphasis in education, nursing education. heard of that place. That's interesting. So yes, this is another fellow Night Owl buddy that I got to meet virtually, oddly enough. Today's the first day we've seen each other face to face. I mean, you know, in this sort of interaction. And so that's again, one of the perks of this new job that I've made for myself is that I get to be like, Hey, hey friend, you want to come on the podcast? It's all for selfish reasons. So And I was like, yes, absolutely. So are you done for good or are you, is there more down the road? dot dot dot for now. Yeah, I am. I'm never going to stop. And I think that's that's nursing in a nutshell. You never stop learning. mean, even when you're working on shift and you have you're like, I'm just going to go to work, put my head down, see my patients and clock in clock out. Good luck trying not to learn something that day. Because if if it's not a skill, it's going to be something from family or your patient or you know, just something on the unit from somebody else. You're going to learn something whether you like it or not. yeah, so I'm done for now, for now. Hoping that my wife will go to law school here when the kids all are in school. So we'll see. That's that is that like is that something she's wanted to do for a long time? Yeah, she's been interested in the legal side of things and she is currently a nurse and she works as a pediatric ER nurse and a nurse consultant. But some of the stuff she's doing for her consulting job, she's like, man, I really think that I'd be a really good lawyer. And I'm like, you need to do it. Take your LSAT, study for your LSAT. I mean, even last night laying in bed, she's on her phone. I'm like, no, I'm like, go to bed. You need to start studying. You need to start getting in the mindset. You're going to take the LSAT because you're going to pass it. and you're gonna go to law school, so figure it out. my gosh, we'll get into it more in a little bit here, of course I imagine that your children have got incredible brains inside their noggins. Holy cow, between the two of you. at least a few. The ones that get into quite a few little accidents that hit their head on things, maybe, I question. We'll see, we'll see. Now that happens to all of us, including, I imagine, you and your wife when you were younger, and me. All right, so before we keep going down this road, what three words would you use to describe nursing school? Yeah. So for me, my three words have to be foundational, transformative and rigorous. in the big words today. I would expect no less. Awesome. We'll find out why you picked those words later. But in the meantime, where are you from? You've already talked about having a stint there in Northern California. So where's home? What's home now? Where have you been? Well, it's funny, my wife, she picks on me every time I bring this up. And I'm sure when we listen to this together, she's going to know exactly where I'm going with this. But I was born in on the East coast. I'm an East coaster, at least as far as my passport would say my place of birth is. I was born in Waterbury, Connecticut, which is just outside of Bristol, which is where ESPN headquarters is at. Very nice. is where my mom worked for quite a long time. A lot of satellites and stuff out there just sprawled all over the ground. So kind of a cool place to work, I'm sure. But I was born in Waterbury and then we moved between Connecticut and New York. So I lived in upstate, like Poughkeepsie, New York, and I was very young. So I barely, barely remember it. I do have one very brief memory from being An infant standing on top of a toilet looking out the back window at the deer eating our crabapple tree in the backyard and When I when I tell people that they think it's funny because they're like well deer in New York and it's like yes You know New York City is only one small aspect of New York There's a whole other big part of the state there that's you know surrounded by a lot of trees and wildlife and and deer And so moved from Connecticut, New York down to Texas. I lived in Austin My parents ended up separating when I was about five or six years old. Kind of moved, you know, did our own thing. I ended up moving in with my mom and staying with her and we moved to California. So then I lived in California from about the age of seven, six or seven until I was an adult and I graduated nursing school. yeah. So I've been in Texas now for the last six years, just about. Okay, and any plans on relocating again in the near future or is Texas home for now? Goodness, no, I hate moving. I hate packing boxes. If I was wealthy, I would just pay somebody to do it for me because I hate it. It's awful. But I think we're home for now. think San Antonio is gonna be my home for now. Good, good, good. that's my past. fortunately, like my wife and I, talk about, you know, we have dreams, you have these plans, you have these goals, and whatever you can reach, man, you just reach for them and whatever you can obtain, you obtain. But for us, like, we're like, for our low bar for being successful parents was... creating a new foundation that our children could then springboard and go higher from. And so, you know, both of us came from single parent families. We both moved around a bit. I moved, I remember moving around quite a bit, you know, apartment living, no military involved. And so for us, it was really key to, okay, we're going to plant roots somewhere, we're going to have home, and we're going to have this house. And this house will be our children's home. And we were fortunate enough to make that happen, to reach that dream. And so is it our forever home? My wife reminds me. No, it's definitely not. And it's I mean, but and it's and she is just like, have nothing against our home at all. But obviously, like it's it's just one of those things where it's like this is we were able to make a home for our kids. And now whatever they do, whether they move a lot or whatever the case may be, that's that's on them. But, you know, from a financial standpoint and all the things. So you talk about moving. And man, I fortunately I mean, the last time I moved. was 17 years ago when we bought the house. And so that's not a single box packed in 17 years. And you forget how liberating that is, because you just talking about it made me go, ugh, I remember all. the first couple of months at your new place living out of boxes, you know, and then it's like, yeah, then you got to do the recycling aspect and you got to chop up the boxes or you got to like give away the boxes. got to Facebook. Yes. Yes. carry everything with you, but then you got to pair down the thing. No, no, no, no. All right. We're done talking about that. this is this is encouraging, not not demoralizing. So let's move on. Yeah, let's move on. OK, so what did you I mean, nursing school is not that long ago for you. What did you love most about nursing school, especially like being in an accelerated program like I would definitely say the thing that I liked the most was probably the friends that I made and the experiences that I shared with those people that are going through the same struggle that you are. That is the struggle of nursing school. And so it's really, I mean, you see camaraderie, you hear about camaraderie in the military and these are my brothers, these are, but like there is camaraderie in nursing school. And it's not just the, you're going through the same thing. Maybe you come from different walks of life or whatever, but I feel like those friends are some of the, they're not single serving friends. Like there are some people that you are going to stay in contact with for, you know, maybe your entire career. Like I still talk to people. I mean, it wasn't that long ago, but I still talk to, you know, two or three people that I went to nursing school with. And, you know, one of them graduated with me, two of them, you know, might've. didn't pass a class or whatever and graduated immediately after, but I still talk to them. And every few weeks we kind of check in with each other, see how we're doing, interview tips if they're going for a new job, that kind of thing. man, that's awesome. And it's, and you're so right. I love that you bring in the military aspect. And I imagine we'll be hearing a little bit more about that. But the fact that, you know, I don't have any military experience, but the idea that you, one of the things you think about military, mean, I think for most civilians anyway, you hear military, think bootcamp, gross, no thanks. But also there is that aspect of camaraderie, of brotherhood, of sisterhood, of that, you know, everybody working together for a common goal. And I've heard that time and time again. And you're right, that exists. So it's a great parallel with nursing school, for sure. So why did you want to become a nurse? I heard the money was good. if I became a CRNA, I heard that if you do like nurse anesthetist stuff, no, I'm totally kidding. I loved being, so I, I was an EMT, for almost a decade. we'll call, think it was probably closer to eight years. but I became an EMT, one night I'm sitting in the hot tub, you know, in the backyard with my dad and we're just shooting the, know what? And. I said, hey, you know, I was watching this TV show today on NBC. was a show called Trauma. And it really took place pre -hospital for the most part. And just a real couple of funny guys. But I said, you know, what does it take to like be on an ambulance? you know, and I think I actually said the word ambulance driver, which then I later learned was, you know, almost derogatory. And so. I just loved being an EMT. I signed up. I went to UCLA's Center for Prehospital Care. I took their accelerated three week EMT program. As you can see, everything's kind of accelerated in my life. I lose interest very quick because of my ADHD, but yeah, I loved being an EMT. I took that class very seriously. I got some more advanced training and within two years I was teaching EMT. I ended up teaching credentials for EMS education. and then teaching as a lead instructor for a post -secondary education facility and working as an EMT at the same time on an ambulance, primary 911. I've worked in a facility transport. I've worked raves, concerts, sporting events. I've been on multiple TV, multiple movies. Yeah, just a whirlwind of a time being an EMS, but that is kind of a stepping stone to either. you're a lifer as a paramedic or you join the fire department. And I did not want to fight fires. I didn't want to, as they say, put the wet stuff on the red stuff. And so I met my wife who was just this girl that walked into a Mexican restaurant while I was eating burritos with a friend of mine. They happened to know each other from the night before. And so I said, hey man, you know, you get after that, you know, she's a, she's, she's good looking. And he said, no, I heard she's crazy. You know, I said, well then watch out, you know, get me in there. So yeah, it kind of segue into this. She was wearing a, she was doing her public health rotation. And so I think I ended up asking her about nursing school and, know, I was like, Hey, can you pencil me in? I'd love to hear more about where you go and your program and stuff like that. And yeah, it was kind of hitting on her too, you know, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. out. We ended up meeting, you know, because of nursing school constraints. She penciled me in for two weeks later, which was just hilarious. I think we met up at a Starbucks and you know, she's got her hair down wearing the sweatpants and just got her book open. She's just studying. And I think she was like, my gosh, this is a date. This is a date. Cause I think I was like, can I get you a drink? And I think she said no. And I was like, no, I really want to get you a drink. Yes. I want to get you a drink, please. drink. So yeah, I mean that was basically how I kind of fell into nursing so to speak. But I wanted to do medicine, I wanted to do emergency medicine. So I was like, well, I could be an ER nurse, you know, and do that. So I think that's kind of where it started and why I wanted to become a nurse. And I just loved the aspect of treating patients and helping people. And I'm probably slightly codependent. It absolutely does. That's fantastic. But it's awesome that you're falling in love with this woman and you're falling in love with this career simultaneously. So golly. Well, as we've already touched on, this relationship, partnership has been very fruitful. Talk to us about your family. Yes. Yeah. So we have been together since 2013. And so I was an EMT for about two years at the time when we met, started dating. said, Hey, will you go steady with me? After about a month of just dating, she said, yes. I said, great. and the, there's a funny first date story that I'll probably say for another time, but it involves my credit card breaking and, having to have dinner at her house with her mom, but It all worked out. was... no no no. No. No. We don't get to do this. No no no. that's the beautiful part about being a host of your own podcast. You make the rules. The new rule is we're putting a pin in that discussion and we're gonna unpack this first date. Go ahead. Let us, hear about Garret and what is your wife's name? Garret and Corey's first date. Is is she gonna kill me for doing this, by the way? Okay, good. Alright. was just really funny. So we had planned on, and I forget how many times we had talked, but it was like, hey, you know what, let's have a date. Let's make it official. Let's do dinner somewhere nice, something like that. I hate going to the movies for a first date. You're sitting there in silence, well, not in silence, but the movie's going on. You can't really talk to the person. Movies are terrible first date. So I think dinner is a great way. each other. It's not a, yeah, yeah. So we basically decided, okay, we're going to have dinner on this day. And I decided it would be a good idea to eat lunch at our local Chipotle that day. And it happened to be on a Sunday when the banks close at two o 'clock and I used my one card that I had and I didn't have any cash and they swiped my card and it broke through the mag strip. And so I was like, no. And I didn't think about it at the time in the grand scheme of things. Like how am going to pay for dinner tonight? when my card doesn't work and I couldn't get cash out, my dad's not in town. couldn't ask him for money. And so I basically was like, you know, I'm so sorry. I would never do this. I'm like texting her, know, but I got to cancel tonight's dinner. You know, something came up, I think is what I said. And she was, she was like, Johnny on the spot, no big deal, just come over, we're having fish tacos. I was like, come over, yeah, come over to my mom's house, we'll have fish tacos. Okay, all right, and I just rolled with it. And so I showed up, all three of us eating fish tacos for our first date. And she gave us some privacy so that we could chat and actually make the most of it, which was nice. So she kind of like went off into her. you know, her mom went off into her room and we kind of just hung out on the couch and talked and I think we had something going on in the background, but it was just nice first date, even though it didn't pan out how I wanted it to. yeah, not nearly. I don't think there are many that say on the first date they, you know, meet the potential future mother -in -law. Yes, yes. And who would have thunk it that several years later that she would be the mother -in-law. That's amazing. That's amazing. I my wife and I like we it's it's we've got an interesting story as well It was not love at first sight. It was we said if we ever wrote a book about our marriage It would be the the nerd and the princess And I tell that to people who know me and they go. so your wife was a nerd and like knock it off But you know the nerd and the princess and we didn't I had a lot of crushes on like her best friends in our church at the time. We actually both started attending the same church in the same year and and she really liked tall blonde guys but not this one. And so it was just this hilarious like and we've gone to like Mexico a couple times with like youth mission trips and you know all that sort of thing and but it just wasn't love at first sight but it kind of became the thing where when we both entered this kind of Bible college like thing At the same time, we ended up, she didn't, her best friend, one of her really good friends was gonna be late coming to start school because she was working, I think, with like crabbing up in Alaska, something crazy like that. And so she needed a study buddy and I'm like, I'll study with you, that's fine. And that's where the sparks happened. But long story short, because it was like a church -based program, the idea was you focused on God, you didn't focus on dating. So dating wasn't allowed. And there's a lot of people that are like, so you're in a cult. I can, no, no, not in a cult. Just trying to work on that aspect of my life. Thank you very much. But long story short, we really hit it off. Our first unofficial date was at a hospital. That's a story for another time. Our first official date, I was able to take her out for dinner and do all the things. would be, no, we're unpacking this, Eric. The tables, my how the tables have turned. ladies and gentlemen, host Garret Clark has asked me, honored guest Eric Miller, to unpack that story. I'll do it briefly for the sake of not boring people and if we do this, if we do this, you recognize that we're gonna turn this into a double -length episode, Alright, done deal. Alright, good deal. I mean, I think I can tolerate you for another hour or so. Yeah. Anyway, long story short. yeah, no, in the context of laughter, I suppose this sounds very incongruous. Is that even a word? What am I trying to reach there? Incongruous, dis -discongruous? It is now. We've made it up. Incongruous means they don't go well together. We, because we couldn't wait to date and we got done with the first year and we were able to date and our first unofficial date. was to the hospital because my wife's dear grandfather was dying. so, and so, and that, but, and I've never been more excited to go to the bedside of someone who was dying. I don't, it sounds weird. It sounds very disingenuous. There we go. That's maybe the word I'm looking for. But I, and, and, It legitimately was like he, it wasn't like this, you it wasn't like this accident or, you he just, was, and I don't remember, my wife of course would give more better details. But long story short, I just couldn't wait. I was so excited. I'm like, we're going to the hospital together as a couple. But then, you you talk about your first date meeting the potential new mother -in -law and I got to meet a lot of her family. Cause of course it's grandpa, right? And so a good Catholic family, there were five. five kids in my wife's mom's, you know what mean, generation. And so it's all these uncles and I won't mention them by name. They are amazing. I love them to pieces. Every last one of her uncles are like men. And I mean like, like full on beard, gun totin' like, you know, all these almost, almost every last one of them. And here comes in Jenna's new love interest and I mean I wasn't a nurse then but good lord the jokes about you know that I make about not having maybe a full load of testosterone it still was true back then so yeah that was like you know the odd couple times four because they were the the brothers and anyway long story short that was our our first unofficial date the first one was actually rather bland in comparison just taking her out to dinner the roses and all of it. And I've got the picture. In fact, I'm looking at the picture now and I just, so grateful. Now going on almost 25 years. In fact, by the time this airs, it'll be more than 25 years. And yes, for those that are wondering, we did get married at the age of 12 and 15. So a very weird thing. It was arranged. Yes, because we are that young. Anyway, moving along. Yes. Garret, are we okay to flip the roles again? we? Good. I love it. that whole story interrupted and your whole story interrupted our discussion about your family. So continue to tell us about your family, please. Well, also have, I have four kids. And so I have four children, four beautiful. all my families at work, I'm like, anyone who has more than two children are crazy. And then I let that marinate before I tell them I've got five of my own. So yes, four kids. Yeah, you kind of have to be a little bit crazy to just survive, I think, day to day with anything more than like two kids, I would agree. one. think you just start at one and it's a whole new ball game. So, yeah. so I will and then I was reading something that said, I think they interviewed a bunch of parents with multiple kids and they said, know what, at what number was it the hardest? At what number of child children was it the hardest? And almost every single one of them said three, three was the hardest. So I have four kids, but the way we had them is I have a five year old, I have a three year old. And then I have two sets of twins. So I skipped the three and just went directly to four because I knew three was going to be too difficult based on, you know, evidence -based practice. And so I have two daughters that are five and three, and I have two sons that are both a year and a half. We, after having the first two, we, I say we, really it was me going like, should we have three? Just, you know, maybe three. And we, We had some, we had some difficulty actually getting pregnant. We went through a lot, a lot, a lot of turmoil. And so they are almost every single one of them is, is a rainbow baby after a loss. And so, you know, we, we went through it, especially even during COVID we had a early, demise, I guess you could call it. That was, you know, my, We knew as a boy, so it would have been my first son. That was 19 weeks and five days. Who, yeah, we lost heart tones and had to go in and during COVID, it was especially rough because they were just not allowing visitors. And so couldn't even, the OB appointment couldn't even go in with her. And the OB was so nice. And I sit in the parking lot in my car and they said, my wife called me and she wasn't crying yet. but basically told me, you know, hey, she's gonna let you come in. And that I automatically knew, you know, that it was another loss. And at this point, I think it was two or three. So having children had been difficult for us. And so we finally, I think when we found out after the first two that we were having twins, it was like, and we're done. And end scene. Yeah, it was pretty comical because we're both nurses and so we both understand how human chorionic gonadotropin works. And if you're not familiar with that word, that's HCG. And it comes on your tests in the EPTs and stuff. So when you take an early pregnancy test and you test positive, it's testing for that HCG level. We had the lab draw done and it was three times the normal limit within 24 hours. It's supposed to double every day. And so I think we both knew. that it was gonna be twins, even just from the lab results. And you know, when you're a nurse, you kind of know too much already. So we were excited. She called me, I was at work and she said, you know, hey, it's gonna be a fun summer. And I said, what do mean? And she goes, it's twins. So yes. What goes on in your mind and heart when you hear that word? Hear those words. actually really happy. I was very, very happy. I mean, I was happy every single time. And so, yeah, just being a parent, being a father, as I'm sure you know, is one of the most rewarding things. I I thought it was gonna be, I finished my bachelor's degree, you know, it was gonna be like, that's like the highlight of my life. I finally did it. Yeah, and then it was, no, then my daughter was born and then my other daughter, and then, you know. had my twins and then I got my masters and it's just been this thing but I keep going back to the most rewarding thing has been having my kids and being a father. So yeah, I've been happily married since 2016. So coming up on just a few years here and yeah, together for six years prior to that, three years, excuse me. truly inspirational. I, and I want to, mean, we might be the only two guys in the history of podcasts or America where we're kind of chuckling through talking about demise. but I want to, I want to treat that subject with the respect that it deserves. And if you're willing to be a little more vulnerable, you know, that is a, you know, we're, big on this podcast as you already know about, you know, facing challenges, how do we overcome those challenges? And, and I, I, I still cringe at my own choice of using the word overcome, because especially in something like this, it's not something like, what, I'm over that now. It's not an overcoming, but it's more of a surviving, embracing and pushing through. Whatever you're willing to share, whatever Corey's okay with, like how do you guys, I mean, you're talking about not just one. You're saying every single one of your kids are basically a rainbow baby. And for those, I don't remember if you gave the definition, for those that don't know, Rainbow Baby is a baby that is, no that's all right, is a baby that is successfully delivered and comes to term and living child after experiencing a demise or miscarriage of some sort. And so how do you repeatedly, not just once, but repeatedly, how do you guys as a couple navigate that? We, I really left it up to my wife and what she was willing to do. I mean, it had to be a team decision. It's not just me, you know, it's her body, it's her choice, it's her, you know, mental health as well as physical health. And so, you know, it's something we don't really talk about in this nation enough, I think, is the likelihood, I don't wanna say likelihood, but the statistical data that says that 25%, one in four women will have a miscarriage at some point in their life, whether they know it or not. And so it's a very real possibility for a lot of women in this country. And I think it's just something that's not talked about. think pregnancy loss in general is something that's not talked about enough. And so, yeah, it's near and dear to my wife's heart and my heart for those that are trying to have kids or, you are trying to build a family, that's something that they want, that's their goal. We try to be as supportive as possible. We've had friends that have had loss, we've had family that have had loss. And there's a lot of resources out there too. There's MEND, which is the Mother's Enduring Neonatal Demise. There's just a bunch of, even for the men, even for dads. And so there's a lot of resources out there. I think how you navigate that situation, mean, I have a whole life philosophy that I'm sure we'll get to, which is, you know, one evolution at a time, just taking things as they come. But it really, it really does play a toll on you. And you really have to ask yourself, what's your, what's your end goal? And what are you willing to cope with? You know, not just physically, but mentally, it's, is a mental game, putting yourself through something like that, when you know that the increased likelihood. of what the outcome is going to be might be negative. Yeah. And that, mean, any other things that help, not to discount what you just said, that is amazing. And yeah, we're going to unpack that now in what will likely be the second episode. how do you take something, as someone who has had to navigate not similar waters, I don't know how you feel, but the death of our first child, how do you take... something that can be so devastating. Because something like that either drives people apart or it brings you closer together. I'm a firm believer in that. So how does that bring you guys closer together and keep you together as opposed to your marriage ended after the first loss, after the second loss, after the umpteenth loss? Yeah, I mean, was, you know, it was something that I think brought us closer together, especially during our marriage, where, you know, we had, even after the first loss, was like, well, you you start, think initially you start playing the, well, whose fault? Is it me? Is it her? Is it, you know, is it a higher power? Is it not meant to be? Is it, you know, what is it? And so you start trying to point these fingers at whatever you can, think maybe is a scapegoat or just a way of coping, you know, is it, is it. to control the uncontrollable. Yeah. And so I think, like you said, it's something that brought us closer together as a couple. And then, I think just being there, supporting each other. There were times in, we went to minimal marriage counseling, just as kind of a check -in, make sure we're still on the same page with things. And I think having that conversation, most people, there's really two main reasons people get divorced and one of them is over money and. The other is over intimacy. And I think that, you if you can avoid talking about those things, it's probably not for your best interests. So I think being vocal about what you're feeling, what your thoughts are with your spouse, significant other, whoever it may be. And then knowing where their head is at, knowing where your head is at and being able just to kind of bounce ideas off each other and support each other through, you know, a very difficult time in your life. Yeah. And making that choice, I think that's part of it too, right? I... Whether it's consciously or unconsciously, you know, we make choices every day and to go through something like that, you you've got to be intentional. Marriage, they say, you of course, is intentional regardless. It doesn't matter, you know, whether you're a heterosexual couple, a homosexual couple, it doesn't matter who you are. If you're in a committed relationship, even if you're not married, if you're in a committed relationship, it takes intentionality. and I had a previous honored guest who said, you know, she goes, marriage shouldn't be work. And if it's work, you know what mean? Like she's like, her opinion was maybe you're with the wrong person. You know, don't, I don't want to go that far with it, but you know, it's like, is maybe she's like being married to her husband is easy every day. Those two, like they get, and that's great. That works for them. But I truly believe there's an intentionality to it. My wife and I, you know, We've had various seasons in the course of almost a quarter century where you're like, okay, here we are. We're entering a valley for some reason or another. And now, you know, I mean, for us, we've from the very beginning, we're like, we both came from divorced families. And so there you go. We start off our relationship with a check mark against us. And so it's almost like, no. We're not gonna be the statistic, you know what mean? We're not gonna, and we're gonna focus on each other. like this discussion just makes me wanna like stop talking to you and go hug my wife. Which I might do, because we're now approaching the break of the two. I do, without seeming like I'm. ramroding over this discussion. Thank you so much for being vulnerable and for opening up about that. For our listeners, this was not planned. We went from laughing, wasn't on there, and yet here we are. We're very special canceling session on this episode of Feeding Our Young. Let's end it on a high note. We talked about kids. on kids. Maybe this isn't a high note. It's not a high note for me, but it'll be a high note for anybody listening, including you. But, you know, and you talk about that desire to have children and what you went through to have these four beautiful miracles, literally, that you guys have had. And I grew up a nerd. We'll just cycle it back around, right? I was a nerd from the get -go. are pictures of me out there that are just horrendous. I don't care if people see it. It has informed, you know, who I am as a person. I mean, there are horrendous, horrendous pictures. That being said, as a nerd, I always grew up going, I don't know if it was partially because of the divorce or whatever. I just was like, I want nothing more than to have a family. I want to have a loving wife. I want to have kids, I want to get married, I want that. And I don't know if I'll ever get that so much so that one of my siblings was maybe slightly upset about the fact that I got married first and I had kids first even though I'm the oldest because they never thought I was going to do that because of my history. And so and now you fast forward, I'm a children's pastor for two years. In the midst of that, My wife gets pregnant with our first kid. And I'll never forget, we went to a Mariners game with her good girlfriend, know, kind of grown up, and that lady's husband. And we went back to their house, and my wife and her friend go, you know, paddling off somewhere, and I'm talking to John, and we're just hanging out, and she comes out. Hey honey, I got something I want to share with you. I'm like, what the heck is going on? And there was no like, it's not like we've been like, my gosh, the periods, you know what mean? All of it, it's not like we were expecting that. And she like whips out this positive pregnancy test. And she's like, we're gonna have a baby. So. Holy man of God, children pastor, wanting a family his entire life up to this point now in his early 20s. Would you like to know what the first words were that came out of my mouth? I want a second opinion. I just got this pit in my stomach. was like, I don't, can't even tell you where I was at. So, that's it. You know, it just, you handled news differently. Everybody else. And I mean, I was so grateful for him and all the things, but that was my response. I don't think that was near the top of what my wife was expecting to hear when we talked about that. So thank you, host Garret, allowing me to share that story. Sorry, you were gonna say. No, I was going to say that I was singing to my firstborn daughter while she was playing in the bathtub when I found out that I was going to have a second one after, of course, the loss. And it was just a kind of comical, sad, know, happy moment. I was singing one of the saddest songs you could possibly sing and I did not know that my wife was recording it at the time. And so then you've got me kind of sitting on the floor on the bathtub, singing to my daughter. could see it clearly being recorded. And my wife just kind of, you know, sets the phone down and starts recording, walks out, grabs the pregnancy test, come back in, hands it to me. And I think I said a couple of expletives. We'll leave them off this family friendly podcast, but it was kind of like, some choice words were thrown into the mix, but they were because I was just so ecstatic that we were pregnant again. And also crying because now we had picked the saddest song. It just happened to be on like Spotify or whatever it was at the time. And I was like, I think I even said in the video, I'm like, and I picked the saddest song possible. So, yeah. that. I love that. Alright, well, this wraps up episode number one. Thank you everybody for listening to Garret and I prattle on. You just happened to be stuck with us because we're just getting to know each other. That's what's happening and we're having a great time doing it. At least I am. Garret, I'm assuming you are. You've got a smile on your face. I got a smile on mine. We're making this happen. So don't miss episode two of the very special two -parter of Mr. Garret Clark, you know what we gotta do, Garret? I think if that recording still exists, we'll use that as the intro for the second episode. Great, yeah, love it, done. Okay, good. Yes, we'll have to put the rating as R at the bottom of the podcast instead of, you know. good creative censoring or something. It'll be fine. Okay. So Garret, you and I, let's take a potty break. Let's be men about this. Let's take a potty break and we'll jump back in for everybody else. It'll be a week before they hear the second episode unless you're binging. Then just jump right back into episode two. We have a bunch of other things to talk about. More about Garret, a little bit more about, you know, kind of how we came to be all the... No, not how you came to be. I think we know how that happens. So I'm going to stop talking. Let's go to the bathroom. We'll be back.