72 - Izzie Wilkes Pt 1: Rock Bottom, Twisps and Turns

Join nurse educator and Twisp, Washington native Honored Guest Izzie Wilkes as she describes how she got her name, never being born, working research that was simultaneously fascinating and heart wrenching, finding the strength within yourself to persevere, her best friend in nursing school, getting the full allotment of NCLEX questions, almost being banished to North Dakota, using anxiety amidst failure, and more!

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Transcript

0:02

I'll just start laughing. I'm opening up this episode and what happens often is like that we get a five second countdown in the studio before it starts recording and what happens often is I like either because I've shoveled food into my mouth before we started talking or because I ran that day which is what I did today I have this like old man like throat clearing thing that I never thought I'd get And now here I am in my, you know, mid to late 40s with, with that. So it's like four or three seconds that I'm like, and Izzie's like, you're like, can't stay so quiet over there, but she's dying in her face. Just kill me. Okay. So, well that just, that made my job of introducing you so much easier. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to studio Izzie Izzie, how are you today? my face has that effect on people. It's all cool, Eric. my gosh.-huh. start crying and I'm like, don't worry, I have that effect on people. It's alright. Alright. are like, do you know what that nurse said to my baby? That's it, I love it. know, whatever I can do to, you know, I shamelessly plug my name as a very strong middle name for their baby. I warn them, I'm like, I'm not that guy, but Eric or Erica with a C, just, it's a second middle name. It doesn't even have to be the first one. Someone's gonna do it somewhere someday. I'm just kidding. All right, pulling it back around. my gosh. gentlemen, so Izzie, introduce yourself. What is your full name? that's funny. I actually didn't have a legal name until I was six. Did I ever tell you that? Well, so, give us your name and then I have a question for you. Okay, I go by Izzie Wilkes. Previously Izzie Estes, but you know, Got Married Changed It, that old bag. That whole thing. So, one Jennifer Evans, who I just... no, of course she didn't! I mean, you honestly allowed me to ask her this amazing question about your guys' first patient together. And so she's like, well you ask her... And so, what Jennifer would like to know is, how did you get your name? my gosh, so, ugh. This is so much fun. I can't tell you how fun it is having you two back to back. This has been amazing. For those that haven't, sorry, for those that haven't listened to Jennifer Evans episode, go back and do so. But she's a two -parter. She was recording the first episode and I'm trying to get everybody lined up so I throw a few texts out while I'm doing stuff. And so Izzie texts me. And says, I just love Jennifer. Hey, you should ask her about that first patient we had. So I did. And she had very nice things to say about you. And no pressure. Just if you want to follow suit, I'd hate for a friendship to get ruined here. anyway, so that's what's the background behind all this. So they just happened to be back to back in studio. And I am having a blast with it. So Izzie, sorry, how did you get your name? So I, oof, okay, we're gonna make this real, real short. My mother had three babies in the hospital by cesarean and then they had a fourth baby by accident, which was me. And my mom just was not vibing with the hospital situation and so she decided to do a home birth with home midwives, which is not approved by any obstetrical governing body. No. I'm just going to preface with that for very good reasons. And so she had very limited prenatal care. She assumed I was a boy, clearly was not a boy. And so they had the name Zachary ready and I showed up, was a shoulder dystocia, was a nine pound baby, all the things. And about 30 minutes in, they, you know, take baby off mom to do a little assessment and they say, did you realize this was a girl? And so there was no name. ready and they didn't know what to do. Yeah they were they were determined it was going to be a boy so fourth whoopsie baby wasn't what they expected so for the first year life they called me baby. First year first year life I was baby or the baby and then I and depending on who you ask which parent you ask it was for one or two years. And then around age between two and four, I think my brothers started calling me Izzie and that stuck, thank goodness. you know, wasn't the confused child anymore. By which name do I go by? And they tried out various names and they just did not stick. And so by the time I think I was getting ready to go into school, I was about six years old. My parents were like, hey, did we ever submit a birth certificate? And they realized, no, we didn't. no! Yeah, so I don't have a birth certificate till this day. And so then they finally like, well, shoot, we need to decide on a name. they, legally, I'm an Elizabeth, never been called that a day in my life. But yeah, I was an Izzie, thank goodness to my brothers who finally got fed up with the child not having a name. So I thank them for that. And we thank Jennifer Evans for providing that little background tidbit because, you know, normally I'm not asking that. How do you navigate life without a birth certificate? It is challenging. have a birth affidavit which works in a lot of settings. I remember when I had to apply for a passport, I had to write a letter saying, yeah. So where the small area in Washington that I'm from, this is not super uncommon. So the people there know how to handle it anyway. But I do remember when I got a passport, the lady at the passport office was very clear to me, said, do not let this expire. It might be a problem for you in the future. So yeah, I've just been really diligent. my gosh. That's amazing. thanks, Jen Evans. Gosh, love that woman. I met her, I'm super happy at the current hospital I'm at. I met her day one there and she just glows nursing education and obstetrics and just, I love her. Again, like you, want to grow up and be just like her. Our first delivery was just a hoot together and she cracks me up, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I so Izzie the founding member of the we want to be like Jen club I will be it. Can I be like a secretary? I don't I'm still you know, like you've known her a lot longer So I feel like I don't I can't do like vice president or something But anyone who wants to be part of it after hearing those episodes just you know, notify Izzie will get you on the roster There's a nice newsletter that goes out every month. this is gonna be amazing Okay, Show me. With that, and Jen, don't let your, no, no. I feel like her head is gonna swell after hearing all this. We're gonna have to, okay, so yeah, for sure. As we go through the episode, don't worry, Jen, we'll knock you down a peg or two. Okay, so back to Izzie, whose episode this is actually about for anyone who might be confused at this point. We're not mentioning anybody else's names at this point. What nursing schools did you attend and when did you graduate? man, I did my prereqs at Whitworth University and transferred into WSU's nursing program and I ended up graduating in 2012. So what, I've been a nurse for 11, 12 years, something like that at this point? Yeah, yeah, that was a big one, yep. yeah, yeah. That's amazing. And are you currently a bedside nurse or do you teach or are you doing more than one thing? I'm doing more than one thing, can't stay out of it. I had the distinct pleasure of being an OB clinical instructor at WSU several years ago, loved it. And currently I am a bedside nurse. I work on a labor delivery recovery and postpartum unit. And on the side, I am doing a nursing vocation development course for Witworth nursing students that have transferred into WSU's program. So what is that course about? What does that look like? So we do a themed course every semester. So they do four semesters total alongside their program courses with WSU. And each semester has a theme and we deep dive. So professionalism in nursing, ethics in nursing, this semester coming up, which I'm kind of begging you to come be a guest speaker for obvious reasons, is spirituality in nursing and. I think my final semester I'm doing a huge professional development, mock interviews, hiring managers, having union representatives come talk to these students. I after, I kind of took a poll on with a whole bunch of nursing colleagues and professionals and just asked them, hey, can you tell me one instructor you had through the entirety of your nursing program? And no one could tell me an instructor they had all throughout or even semesters back to back. And then the next question I asked was, can you tell me the name of your nursing advisor? And unfortunately, not one nurse could tell me the name of their nursing advisor. Because a lot of times when you enter nursing school, the courses are pre -planned. There's really not a whole lot of adjustment you can make. The courses are in an order specific to your program. And so one of my goals is to be that mentor, be that consistent person for these students through their program. yeah. ultimately, I mean, post COVID nursing is different than what it was pre COVID. And my heart kind of hurts a little bit seeing these, this new generation of nurses coming in and leaving the bedside so quickly sometimes. And we have to be choosier at who we select to work on our unit. And I want to build these nurses up, give them a really strong toolbox emotionally, physically, professionally for when they hit the nursing floor, whether that be in clinic. Now we can do virtual nursing for goodness sakes or at the bedside, whatever it is in the hospital. I want to prepare these students to be successful in their career. there were so many reasons to start this vocation program. So yeah. I mean, and that's why you're here. Like that's the passion that I, you can't encapsulate. If I can capture it in an episode or two of a podcast, man, we're just scratching the tip of the iceberg, but I'm just so grateful you're here. Thank you, thank you so much, Izzie, and thank you for, yeah, and thank you for expounding on what that program is. I feel like that would be an amazing thing to have all over the place. multiple you know what I mean learning institutions and things of that nature so Can we brag about you for a second? Because I have to point something out. Working in obstetrics in our community, there's only a handful of hospitals you can deliver at. And I've had the pleasure of working at two of them. And we get some patients who bounce from hospital to hospital for various reasons. Maybe their doctor or midwife transferred and they followed them, or maybe they had an experience they weren't pleased with, so they wanted to try delivering their baby at another hospital. And so whenever I get a new patient, I talk with them about their previous delivery experiences, what went well, what they could hope maybe go differently, just try and cater to their needs and their wants. Because we can't always make our deliveries of our babies go perfectly. They write their own stories. and it does help to have a good idea of that history. you know, okay, A, what am I trying to anticipate, but also B, how can you personally better that patient's experience than maybe what they had. something that, and this is a long time before I got to meet you at that AWHONN gathering, I, know, patients are telling me about this or that and like, yeah, you know, I delivered here. And you know, I had that mail postpartum nurse and you know what? He is fantastic. And I just thought that was really sweet. So I heard that and you know, years go by and I'm getting more and more patients who are just like, I can't, sometimes I can't remember your name, but like he was. awesome, my gosh, he helped me so much. And so I'm just like, even before meeting you knew your reputation in the community. So I'm like, I feel like, you your listeners and your students need to hear that as well. Well, okay, that's not weird. No, thank you. No, I literally put in there, is there anything, everyone knows we have these prep forms, and just so everyone knows, in the interest of transparency, I have a question that nobody's answered to this day. Have you heard about how amazing I am in the city of Spokane and the care I provide my patients? Nobody's answered it, and finally, I'm just kidding. my goodness. No, it's nice to know that the $20 bills I'm giving my patients are actually finally paying off. no thank you. genuinely thank you that that really does warm my heart because we all I I just I love our team and I love I love what y 'all are doing up there at Holy Family. I love and it's not even a Providence thing like MultiCare Valley. I don't care where you're working. You're working in a very miraculous field. We're bringing lives into the world and you know what mean? It doesn't matter. There's there shouldn't be this division or I can't think of the word that's the word escapes my mind at the moment where this just this like, know, well over across the street they you know what I mean? Like forget that I hope to hear that from anyone about anybody who's taking care of them because that's the that's what that's the standard That's what we're trying to do, right? We do this for quote -unquote a paycheck I always say if there's if I didn't have so many mouths to feed I would do it but I do it less but but the point is that's not why we do it and it's not we don't do it for the applause But the whole point is if we can, to use Providence's vernacular, if we can ease somebody's way, man, that just gets me going. And that's why we're here for these students, right? We're gonna ease your way, students. Well, okay, let's be real. No, we're not. We're gonna encourage you, we're gonna uplift you, but you still gotta go through the hell that is nursing school. best to you, we're here for you. Yeah, we're not easing anything about that. Okay, well. We just got to, in fact, we haven't even gotten through the whole intro. Okay, no, no, heavens no, this is amazing. So Izzie's gonna be a two -parter, we've already determined that now 15 minutes into our episode. But I'm gonna do to you what I did to Jennifer, and not intentionally in any way, shape, or form, because Jennifer and I ran a little bit over for anyone that knows, and I was like, Izzie, I'm coming, I swear, I promise. But we have two opening questions for you, one of which you're prepared for, the other one you're not. So. First of all, what are the three words you would use to describe nursing school? Okay, chaos, community, and compassion. I'm sensing a lot of Cs there. Was that by design? I think I got chaos and community and then by the third I was like, I might as stick with the C's. What can I throw in there that's appropriate? So this is the Izzie Wilkes episode. We have clearly established it is not the Jennifer Evans episode. However, someone else picked... text her to apologize. Somebody else picked three C words And in a similar fashion had two C's and was like wow we gotta make she was like stress well that doesn't start with a C and I'm like well if you you could be like stress So no you guys are two birds of a feather whatever. I don't listen so We'll come back. We'll circle back around at the end of episode two and figure out why you picked those words This is just again. I am on the sidelines like all the other listeners That's it! We need an Izzie and Jen episode. And just let you two ask each other questions! Honestly, the three of us on a podcast together, that'd be like a 12 hour episode. Okay, maybe that's like a subscriber only. I don't ever want to do like subscriber only stuff because like I don't like the idea of locking content behind like, hey, would you like to hear this very special episode that will change your life? Pay me $5 a month. You know what I mean? Like I know I have to make a living at this in some way, shape or form, but it just, that rubs me the wrong way and I just detest it. But man, if we're doing a 12 hour episode, you all are paying for that one, okay? Okay, so that was all that was the question you prepare for the one you didn't prepare for What came to me just a few days ago? I'm asking everybody. What are your three favorite songs at this current time in your life? you And if you need to look stuff up, do whatever, we can sit here for a a new one by Teddy Swims that just came out. Let me see here. there, Allen Stone does an Is This Love that is my favorite song. Let's see, where is that Teddy Swims? Okay, Teddy swims lose control. Allen Stone's is this love? and this is one I've been rocking out to on the way to work a lot. It's called... I don't know. It's called a bar song. I don't know. It just makes me smile. I'm like, I'm like, maybe it'd be more perfect if I was like 20 years old, but you know, we're getting towards 40, so. Are you a fan of The Office? yes, yes. My husband proposed to me while we were watching it, so you know, that's important. Holy no. Okay, is hubby gonna mind, like expand on that for us please, if you would, this momentous moment in your marriage. How did this go down? He, I guess I had accidentally ruined a previous proposal attempt that I was unaware of and didn't know about it till a while later, but we were, he just made sure we had a lovely day together. I had just bought a house and we were doing a puzzle, had the office on in the background enjoying that. He had like poured us mimosas, which I'm like, okay, that's weird. What are we doing that? And I remember him, we have been trying to remember what episode it was we were watching. He just started talking to he today's been a good day, right? We've done a lot of your favorite things, right? It's a good day. I'm like, yeah, it's been a really nice day. Yeah. And then I guess he blacked out, doesn't remember what happened next, but he dropped down on one knee and proposed, and I said, yeah, of course. So yeah, he's a good guy. We like him. Yeah. Yes. my gosh. Yep. Mm -hmm. okay, so what makes him such an amazing supportive life partner? he, I have never, I can sum this one up. He's never made me feel guilty for being myself. Which is great, and we dated in college briefly and then took like five, six years off, both traveled the world, grew up, and then came back together in our late 20s and we're like, hey, we should get married. This would be good for us, so yeah. We had one those little journeys and memories. Never made me feel guilty for being myself. Yeah, he's just a good dude. And we both want the best for each other. we both, we learned very early on that I think we've had one fight in our marriage and neither one of us liked the way it felt. And we took a few minutes apart, came back and was like, I don't like yelling. That wasn't fun. So. People make fun of us because we don't really fight. We're really good at talking things through we talk things through before it becomes a fight and just Very intentional with one another And he we had a huge life change a few years ago and we ended up having four kids within a span of three years and Yeah, so and I we came to the point where you know putting four kids in daycare is an atrocious fee each month So we had to decide, you who wants to work, how can we balance this? And I was like, well, you know what? I really love my job as a nurse and I can support us working three days a week. Would you be willing to stay home with the kids? So we had kind of a non -traditional role reversal, but we've been loving it. He's at home with our kids every day, which I think is really hard. I think I have an easier working night shift at the hospital for sure. Yeah, I do. I definitely do. He's just a, he's a wonderful man. And so it's fun. The idea is. you want. There's nothing... His name's Andy. He's a total hottie. Love him. Yeah. Good man. Good man. I love it. Well, thank you for sharing. I think this is the first time I've ever asked anybody about that just because it felt natural. That was awesome. And I love the fact that, I mean, like you said, okay, so first of all, backing up. Yeah, when I was, you know, bedside night, all the things my wife was a stay at home mom, and everybody at work, know, my patients, everybody, you know, so what does your wife do? That was always like, it came up every person. And I'm like, I would always answer, she works harder than I do. She stays at home taking care of the kids because it is, it's a full -time thing. You gotta get out of that environment. You can't leave work at work because work is home and all that. Mm -hmm. Also appreciate the fact that he does not judge you for your song choice, you know, going into work and lets you be who you are. And I cleverly dropped that in there because, then it brings me back around to my original point, which is the reason why I asked why you watched The Office, which is because now I envision Izzie in the car, head banging to the headrest, listening to that music, just like Dwight does, with Motley Crue's Kickstart My Heart. It took me a while to figure out what song it was. And it wasn't until I ran into it happenstance. I suppose that would be one of my top three because that just gets the blood pumping. It works for Dwight, it works for me, man. I don't know. Okay, enough about me. Back to Izzie. Izzie, the only other thing I forgot to ask is where are you from? Where's home? And what do you love or what do you know most about or what do you love most about your hometown? gosh, so my hometown is Twisp Washington. It's up in the North Cascade Mountain Range, middle of nowhere. We have no stoplights, not a whole lot going on there, but it was a very charming upbringing. I think there's less than a thousand people in the town I grew up with and we had to have, yeah, you knew everybody. You had to, four towns went to the same school in order to make up enough of a student population. And you know, my I have a cool family history there, we homesteaded there, so given the long -term family roots there, anytime you needed a date to the dance, you had to reference the family tree before you said yes to a boy. Had to go to Grandma Dolly's house and ask her, Grandma, are we related to this family? She goes, no, honey, he can take you to the dance, you're fine. So, yeah. in the wise words of Ross on friends you know you don't worry your kids won't be slow that's fine all no that's amazing that's amazing i'd yes small town life i don't know i've never known what that's like and gosh, it's going to the big city and there being a stoplight. You're like, my gosh. And know, when you did driver's ed in the country, they had to like pretend there's a stoplight and you had to practice what to do out it. And you're like, what light does what again? Do I go? Yeah. yeah. top? Is it at the middle? Is it at the bottom? my gosh. So when you're not busy teaching, working, sitting on podcasts and flipping the crap for a while, what is it that what hobbies, interests occupy your time? Well, excuse me. And when not raising just four children, what are the hobbies and interests that you enjoy doing? my husband makes fun of me because I feel like my work is my hobby when I'm not working. I picked up a nursing education job on the side. So basically I'm working at the hospital, working on my side hustle that I love, you know, working with nursing students or we're chasing around our four kids. Like they, have a three year old, a two year old and two 11 month old twins right now. So we are, we're elbows deep in diapers every day. Just. Yeah, it's fun though and we're like, I think I did the math and I'm like, all right, by 2040 we'll be empty nesters. We got this. Not that you're counting down in any way shape or form. Not at all. It's a scant 16 years. I mean you talk about 15 year mortgages. It's about that long. Yeah. No, mean legitimately though you there's that old adage that the days are long but the years are short or the years are short but the days are long. I'm not taking it justice. And it's so true. I can't even know what they quote unquote air quotes say is true. You blink and they're asking for the car keys. You blink and they move out. And that's it. So enjoy that time. My gosh. In the midst of the being neck deep in diapers because we did that too. Gross. No no twins. But we had three in diapers at one point and that was yeah it's not you know that I between your you know you're talking about child care and even without child care you just talk about diapers if you're doing disposable. Man you're talking about a second mortgage. Come on now. That's insane. Well OK. Enough about that. You know we're just shooting the breeze here. letting everybody get a chance to know you. But let's start talking about the actual stuff we're here to talk about now that we're, you know, half hour in. It's no big deal. I asked you already, but let's revisit this just in case there was more you wanted to expound upon. But the question that I asked you, what areas of nursing are you practicing in? So I'm practicing primarily in labor and delivery. Our unit is unique in that we do labor and delivery, recovery, and postpartum all in the same room. So right now I'm doing that, doing a little bit of nursing education on the side. But I was fortunate I got to start in labor and delivery as a new grad and just loved it. I did take a two -year break during the pandemic and went to work in a neurology clinic helping them run their research department. So that was a whole don't not really sure how I landed there, but it was great and it a month later that pandemic hit so I completely missed bedside nursing during the pandemic during the height of the pandemic I should say so yeah, I just kind of lined up well for us. Yeah, no kidding, for mental health, for sanity, for all the things. We've talked about the various professions I feel like that really got hit hard, not just from a physical trying to keep people alive aspect, but just that the abrasiveness, the derogatory, whatever, and not just from patients, but from families and how politicized everything became. still, I mean, we're still experiencing lingering effects, you know, but. So no, that's amazing that that was able to, well, I mean, do you want to expound on that role at all a little bit or is that something you'd recommend? Yeah. What was that? you find that some people, you're either bedside or you're not bedside. And there are people that are drawn to like research and maybe some case management and stuff you can do on the phone. And then there are others that want to be bedside. So what was that like for you transitioning into and back out of that research? it was kind of a fluke as to how I landed that position. I was working a 0 .6, so two days a week, day shift, labor and delivery position at a different facility and just was not super happy and I loved the work that I did, but there were some, just some things going on and I wasn't super happy in my position. And so I felt like I needed to change it up and just out of the blue, colleague of mine had gotten a job at this clinic being an injector for them. And she said, hey, they need an infusion nurse. It could be something that you could do with your position at the hospital. Would you be interested? And I'm like, sure. And we had no kids at the time. And we weren't planning to have kids. We were kind of told that those weren't in the cards for us. So I said, OK, that's fine. So I'm going to throw myself into my work because that's something that I love to do. So I started working at this. neurology clinic and found that, no, they didn't need a part -time person. They wanted a full -time person. And it was quite a bit of a pay raise from what I was doing in the hospital. And I remember talking to the office administrator and he said, you know, worst case scenario, you're going to be bored here. He's like, it's salary, it's Monday through Thursday, it's daytime hours. So it had a lot of perks to it that, you know, when you're used to 12 hour days in the hospital. It kind of sounded like a sweet thing for the moment. Talked to my husband about it and we thought, you know, now's a good time for a change. I can always go back to the bedside if I want to. And so I started out as just doing infusions for this Alzheimer's research study, which was fascinating. And the cool thing about it is it was a unblinded study, open label study, meaning every patient. knowingly got the drug that they were studying because it had gone through so many phases. And so you had these families come in who had no hope for their partner who had Alzheimer's and because of these infusions, their decline into the Alzheimer's spiral was notably slower or had paused. There's no cure, but we have found some things that can slow down the cognitive deterioration. Yeah. And what I found was my customer service in labor and delivery actually translated very well over into the Alzheimer's space with these families, you know, very compassionate, making sure everybody was on the same page with the plan of care. And I'm like, you know, this is kind of cool. You know, one would think that those two areas of medicine wouldn't be related or interconnected and so much translated and was helpful back and forth with that so many qualities. So it was pretty cool. And as a result of doing well as just the infusion nurse, got pulled in to be an assistant research coordinator. So I was being the blinded and unblinded pharmacist for multiple studies, for headache, for Alzheimer's. you know, I remember what class was it. I don't know which one it was, but there, like, I remember reading at some point in nursing school, what kind of studies are like double blinded, single blinded, and you know, they're using. the pharmacist dispensed the drugs and never thought that that would be something that I could do as a nurse, but I was qualified to do it. It was fascinating. You know, it did come with hardships though, cause sometimes there was a double -blinded study. So I dispensed medication to patients, but even I didn't know if I was dispensing active drug or a placebo. And you know, I had patients so sweetly try and bribe me. to can you make sure we get the drug? And I'm like, I have no control over that. know, bribes as far as money, bribes as far as homemade cookies, things like that. And so that was something, yes! And I'm like, I have no control over that. And there's so many rules and checks and balances that, you know, things like that just can't happen. But it was fascinating and heart wrenching at times. We miraculously after making that change to the clinic and working full time with them, I left the hospital. The pandemic hit a month later. And you know, my husband and I got pregnant with our first pandemic baby out of nowhere. And we're like, well, that wasn't expected. So had one baby. Had our second baby, which was exciting. Still working at this clinic and. I went on maternity leave and at six weeks old, my daughter got admitted to, I think I've told you a little bit about this before, she got admitted to the Peds medical floor for a common cold and it just, her body could not handle it. We were on antibiotics, we were on high flow oxygen and it just took her, I think, six weeks to finally get off of oxygen. And the specialists who were lovely, Sacred Heart, Peds, hospital's great. told us you know if this is how her body handled a common cold we don't recommend you guys putting her in daycare she'll just continue to land back in the hospital and I'm like you know what that's reasonable so talked it over with my husband and did the math and I'm like you I can go back to the bedside which I was kind of missing it after two years working in a clinic you know I missed sounds so bad but I did miss the adrenaline rush of the hospital I missed you know the helping moms with their newborns, delivering them, being part of those early core memories for people. And went to my husband and said, I'd like to go back to the hospital. We can't do that. We can't put all four kids or all two kids at that time in daycare. We can't put Ellie in there for health reasons. What do you want to do? And over a few months, we realized it's better for me to work with health insurance and all that. And I so love my job. And my husband, you know, sacrifice socialization and adult interactions and has been home with the kids ever since. So it's been really good for us because I, yeah, it was a great stepping away from the bedside was great for a while. It served its purpose. But I, for me at my core, I'm a bedside nurse. I love that. And where I'm at, I've been able to be a charge nurse for the unit, help run our obstetrical emergency department. So yeah, just when you leave work on a high, I think that says a lot about what you're doing. When you leave work feeling beaten up and battered, I think you might need to do some evaluation. And if I can clarify that too, like maybe consistently, you'll have shifts that'll just kick you. You know what mean? Like it'll make you question your whole life choices. But yeah, but if it's a consistent thing, think, yeah, 100%. Like you just, man, and that's, you you've reached that point, then reevaluate, reflect and reevaluate for sure. I mean, you've kind of touched on this in more than one aspect. So let's, if it's okay with you, let's just dive into the whole conversation of. Would you like to share about any challenges you've had in life? Okay, my in general my journey to nursing is I affectionately affectionately say it's one of Failure and triumph and all those things it there were so many times where I Had the door shut my face or failed where you know, people would have said okay nursing must not be for me I'm gonna you know choose another direction and I just pivoted I stuck with it and It took a while to see like the strength in yourself to persevere, I kind of started at the beginning, I guess. I left high school with the idea that I was going to be an art teacher. That was, I was going to go to college. I was going to be an art teacher. That was my jam. And I remember being so ecstatic to go to my high school art teacher and tell him, this is what I'm going to do. I want to be just like you. And very sweetly in the most loving way possible, he looked at me and he said, honey, I think you need to be a nurse. And I thought that was so weird. And in hindsight, I think what I wanted to do is I wanted to impact people's lives the way he did. And the high school I came from at the time did not have a strong science program. So the thought of going to nursing school and taking these pre -rec science classes was atrocious. like, I can't do that. That's not feasible for me. So I went into Whitworth, started there. taking nursing education courses and literally a few weeks in I just had this overwhelming feeling of I don't think this is for me. I don't what am I gonna do? I don't think this is for me. This doesn't feel like the right path and out of the you know, you make new friends when you go to college and I remember very specifically a new friend of mine. He didn't hardly know me. You know, I think maybe we had had a few hangouts in a group session and I was talking about how you know, I think I might need to change majors art doesn't seem to be for me. And out of the blue he goes, yeah, I think you should probably look into being a nurse. And I just remember, okay, this is getting a little bit weird. All right, let's see what I can do. So then, know, shortly thereafter I went and talked to the nursing advisor and I went, I think her name was, she was Dr. Bobby. I can't remember her last name, but I just walked in and I had this overwhelming feeling of warmth and she didn't hug me, but I felt like I was getting an emotional hug in there and she was like, you can do this. What are your grades? Let's map this out for you. And she just took care of things in a way that I'm like, okay, this is approachable. And she told me straight up from the beginning, she was like, this is going to be hard, but if you want this, you can do it. And we're thinking, okay, okay, I can do this. I can do this. So. went through, my prereqs, I had to retake anatomy and physiology, I had to retake probability and statistics, because at the time, there weren't very many nursing programs in the city of Spokane. Now it's a whole different situation and wonderfully so. But I took probability and statistics once, I got a B plus, and that wasn't a high enough grade to get me into nursing school. That's how competitive it was at the time. Anatomy and physiology I had to retake. So it was a whole it was a whole process and there was you know maybe at some point when I realized like my A - wasn't going to be enough to get me to nursing school maybe I should have picked another degree who knows but I applied for nursing school with my best friend Candace shout out to her and neither one of us got in and it just felt terrible and I'm like you know I hadn't had a big failure yet in life and so I'm like what do I do and it was just distraught and Candace was like grab my hand, says, we got this, Whitworth just opened up a health sciences program, there's this guy named Dr. Mike Etterger, he's leading it, let's start the health sciences program, let's finish out at Whitworth, like she had this plan for me, know, so I was just a tag along, yes, yeah. And I'm like, all right, cool, and Mike knew us from the, he had taught us anatomy and physiology one at Whitworth, so he knew our faces, we didn't know each other personally yet. And so I go in and I am not a crier professionally and I just start sobbing in his office and I can see he's uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable. He goes, hey, new program, here are the classes we're gonna take, it's great. And here's all the wonderful things you can do with a health sciences degree. And I'm like, okay, okay. And he and I still talk to this day. He's the head of the department I work with at Whitworth right now. things have come full circle, now I work for him, which is great. But so I laugh at him like the first time I met you I was sobbing my goodness. So continued through Whitworth getting a health sciences degree and applied to nursing school a second time. Candace and I also didn't get in so we then we're at our final semester for our health sciences degree applied to nursing school for the third time and I believe the nursing advisor had changed at this point at Whitworth and the new nursing advisor told me if you don't get in this third time I think you just need to be done. And I was like, okay, that's sad. And there at the time it wasn't even discussed like, let's look at other nursing programs. There was none of that. It was WSU or nothing, which nowadays, fortunately, there are so many options. Yeah, but I mean, and it sounds like it's as opposed to, you know, third times the charm. Instead of someone going that route, they're telling you three strikes, you're out. Like, you know what I mean? There's the summation of how do you view things? Glass half full, glass half empty. I'm so sorry, that's horrible. no, it got better. Well, I mean it ultimately ended up where it needed to be. I and the way the program worked at the time WSU got, not Whitworth, got so many spots in WSU's program. They were reserved for WSU students or reserved for Whitworth students, excuse me. So I go in and your GPA had to be high enough in order to get an interview and I guess it wasn't even though I had retaken courses, et cetera. And my nursing advisor says, hey, you're not gonna get in. I just wanna make that clear. But they're opening up extra interviews. You should probably just go for a practice interview. I think it'd be good for you professionally. So I go to my nursing school interview with the impression that there's no chance I'm gonna get in. This is just for practice. This is a pity interview. I'm like, sweet, let's go. Go into my nursing interview and this feeling of warmth comes over me and I just talk in the interview like we're talking now and left the interview thinking, you know what, I didn't get in, that's okay, I'll figure this out. I've got other options and I leave and I think my mailing address had kinda gotten skewed so I get a text a week later from my best friend Candace saying, I got my nursing envelope, I got in. I'm like, my gosh, I'm so happy for you. And I'm just like sitting here like, okay, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do after graduation? Trying to plan this out and out of the blue, my mom calls me and my nursing envelope was mailed to my hometown in Twists versus my college address. And she's like, hey, there's this big envelope here from WSU. What do want me to do with it? I'm like, my gosh, open it, please open it. So I got in, yeah. So relieved, got into nursing school with my best friend and we also got put in the same J-1 clinical group. just, if it wasn't for her, I don't know if I would have survived nursing school, she just drugged me along and guided me through it when things were overwhelming. She's like, hey, let's make a list, our to -do list. Let's just knock things out one at a time. And she just, she's a little saint. She's this incredible badass ICU nurse in San Diego, just. killin' it, she's incredible. So went through nursing school, I think I passed pathophysiology and pharmacology by less than half a percent. I struggled, it was rough, and I didn't know what to do. studied all the time and just was barely making by. And I'm like, okay, I'm still doing this, I'm still trudging, this is hard, and I didn't realize how much of your social life you'd have to give up in nursing school. There are other people who did not have to do that. There are those people who just thrive. I was not one of those. I was one of those people who really had to study and study often and hard. And what was it? I finally got to third semester, the S1 semester, and my OB clinical instructor, she and I really connected. Kim Mitchell, she teaches at Spokane Community College. I think she's a psych lecturer there now. She's phenomenal, kindred spirit, incredible, and I... She's amazing. She's a wonderful, wonderful woman, yes. she's one of those people you just say, like, just she, she's like on the Jen Evans level. Just love these women. Yeah, we've just elevated her. I mean, she's better than Jen Evans, of course. There you go, there's dropping peg one. Yeah! She's no Kim Mitchell. Look at that! Okay. Anyway, sorry. good. Kim, I did the first exam for OB lecture and I think I got like a C or a B on it and Kim was also the TA for that class and she saw my grade and she came to me and she said, what is this about? I know you're better than this. And I'm like, I don't know. And she sat me down and. verbally was asking me the questions. And even though I checked the wrong answer on the exam, verbally I could tell her what the right answer was. And so she had me start reading my exam questions out loud and I could get them right if they were audibly read out. And she just said, I think that you're an audible learner. Try it this way. So I was one of those students who got to leave the large exam hall, go to a special little room so I could read the questions out out loud. and I started thriving in nursing school after that. I just remember thinking, my gosh, had I figured this out years ago in pre -reqs, my word, what would have happened? So, you know, it also makes sense now in adulthood. Like, I don't like reading a book, but my gosh, I'll listen to like 12 audio books back to back to back. just, you you learn things about yourself. Yes. Yep, so finally, survive nursing school. totally, yeah, nothing ever happens after nursing school. not at all.-na. Yep, so finally graduate. Do the practicum, do the thing. And the wonderful NCLEX are coming up. And right, so thrilling. know, people, Facebook was fairly new at the time and everyone's posting, I passed the NCLEX in 75 questions, which was the minimum at the time. And so many students from our cohort were passing in 75 questions. I'm like, this will be great. I prepped, I did a couple NCLEX prep courses. I'm like, all right, I got this. and I went ahead and took it and I got the whole 256 questions. Yeah, what is it six hours? You max out at six hours at that time? atrocious and I was just beside myself and I'm like, there's no way. And I actually thought I passed because rumor, know, there were ways that you could kind of figure out if you passed or not, if you tried to go register for the test again afterwards and it let you, you know, the Pearson view trick, whatever. I thought maybe I passed because the last question did if I if you answer the last question right the thought was that you passed etc. few days go by I learned I didn't pass and I just I'm like crumb what do I do? So you're just sitting there in this emotional pit of okay so is this a sign that I shouldn't be a nurse like I've come this far and I remember thinking like all right what can I go into with a nursing degree but no nursing license what where does that put me on the spectrum of careers? And so I think I gave myself two weeks off to do nothing. And then I did a whole different NCLEX prep curriculum and passed the second time. Hallelujah. And the interesting thing about that was I'm one of those people where I took out a plethora of student loans to pay for my education. And so I didn't pass the NCLEX the first time. I had an NCLEX date for the second one. And meanwhile, without a nursing license, you're still applying for 100 nursing jobs. And at the time, I don't, very few units in Spokane were hiring new grads. And you had to know someone, you really had to be extra stand out, or you had to leave town as a new grad to get a job. And I think Deaconess as a whole at that time was even on a hiring freeze. Sacred Heart would hire a select few. So I applied to every L &D job I possibly could. Loved labor delivery. It was totally my jam. I figured that out through nursing school. Thank you. you didn't want to go to the sprawling metropolis of Twisp? No, it didn't quite work out so good. Living in Twisp, you had to drive an hour, hour and a half to a hospital. Two hours to a decent hospital. you know, your options are limited. And I remember my dad desperately trying to understand why I didn't want to move home. And I'm like, you know, just, I don't know, dad, sorry. So applied for probably 50 labor and delivery positions in Washington. Didn't get a call for one and. started, you I remember a lecturer telling us, you know, start small, start where you want to be and give yourself a timeline. If you don't get a job offer within that radius, you need to start opening your radius or opening the what the options to what units you're willing to work on. And I'm like, well, I have bills to pay. I have to be reasonable. So my search went out as far as North Dakota. So I went from wanting to work labor and delivery in Washington to getting my only job offer, which was cardiac in North Dakota, which was just, I mean, if I wanted to be there, that's one thing. If I wanted cardiac, that's one thing, but neither of those sounded super appealing, but it was the only job offer I got. I'm like, you know what, if this is where I'm supposed to be, I need to pay my bills. And I remember thinking like, okay, I can do this for one to two years. I can suck it up for one to two years and then transfer. Let's get some experience under my belt. So it actually was helpful and motivating because I had this job offer without a nursing license. The hiring manager said Take your NCLEX pass call me when you do and we'll get you a start date So I thought that was reasonable So had the looming job offer in North Dakota, cardiac. And the helpful thing was, I, who didn't have much interest in cardiac, it was a really motivating factor in studying for the NCLEX, which I think was a blessing. So I was trying to get down pat my cardiac knowledge. I loved OB, so I had that down pat. And then come the second round of NCLEX, hallelujah, I got a whole bunch of cardiac and labor and delivery questions. So fortunately was able to. that second time and I remember waking up the morning that I was supposed to pack my car up and drive to North Dakota just sitting there laying in bed looking at the ceiling like okay I guess I'm doing this and in about two minutes later I get a call for a job interview in Auburn Washington for a labor delivery unit and I had I think I had $50 in my bank account something ridiculous like I knew I or maybe a couple hundred I knew I had enough money to get me to North Dakota And I called my dad and said, hey, I've got a job offer in Washington. My dad for the first time in my life was, you need money for a hotel? I'll put money in your bank account. What do we need to do? And because he wasn't thrilled about me leaving and moving so far away. So went over to Auburn, interviewed out of, it was something like 300 applicants. They hired eight of us new grads and it was phenomenal. I loved my nurse residency. I highly recommend nurse residency. did that for two years and then left to be a travel nurse around the country for a while, which again, highly recommend that it was completely out of my comfort zone, but I knew I had to do it. And then eventually landed back here in Spokane. yeah. I just, I love that you go from, you know what I mean? Defeat after defeat, after defeat, after perceived defeat, after defeat, after, you know what I mean? And yet, here you are. That's, ugh, I just love it. Thank you, thank you, thank you Izzie. I get a new cohort of students or clinical instructor grant, I'm sure to tell them, I'm like, I failed left and right. I had to pivot. We had to left the whole gamut. I'm like, if you want it, though, you can do it. I'm like, you have to think outside of the box sometimes or just life. Life isn't always straightforward. No, and on that note, we always joke about none of your patients are gonna be like, well, what's your GPA? Conversely, they're also not gonna be like, how many times did it take you to pass the NCLEX? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like, figure. more like, you good at IVs or not? That's really the question I get. You're about ready to, have you done this before? This thing that's about to cause me pain, are you good at it? That's all I need to know. That's what I want to know. Awesome. for you, like if you would like to touch on briefly too, or not briefly, whatever the case may be, how do you navigate those challenges that you have in life? I used to say overcome, but it's not necessarily an overcoming. But you had so many, back to back to back to back to back. What helps get you through that to the next obstacle? How do you overcome it? this is gonna sound really strange. But I think it's probably a perspective that people aren't super fond of these days, but I do think that having a level of anxiety and stress with each failure is helpful. And it sounds weird, but in a way, many of those steps I felt rock bottom. Granted, there's much worse rock bottoms in life in the big scheme of things, but. when you feel failure, like you're anxious, you're alone, what do I do? And I think being anxious and feeling all that at that stage, it made me get creative and like, what do I do next? What do I look for next? How do I succeed? What do I do here? And I think that anxiety in a way was helpful, even though sometimes anxiety can be incredibly debilitating and awful. But for me, I think it was a tool in a way. I turned it into a tool versus a shortcoming. And that's, first of all, there's Izzie's t -shirt. We were just joking about this in the last episode about like, every once in a while I'll talk to you over, talk to someone and it's like, that should go on a t -shirt. Like there's, there's Izzie's Feeding Our Young t -shirt. But the fact that anxiety and fear using that, not allowing it to be a hindrance, but using it as fuel, using it as something to propel you forward, brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I know you and I didn't come up with that, although maybe we did. Let's you know anybody else mentions it anywhere else from this point forward. We're getting royalties, but No, I I think that's brilliant Izzie and I thank you for sharing that very very practical point That's what we loved you know what I mean come back around and just be like well How do you how do you do that and that's I just love it? So with that We've already established that Izzie's a two -episode person gosh. Yeah, no pressure. So I need you to come up with about 30 to 50 more minutes worth of stuff in the off time and we're gonna just jump back in it, okay? So, just kidding. I know she's got a lot more to share and I'm excited about it. So thank you Izzie and absolutely let's do this again. Mm -hmm.