69 - Lauren Avery: A Dream Delayed (Bringing the Fight to Every Day)

Join prospective nursing student and Lisbon, Illinois native Honored Guest Lauren Avery as she emotionally describes her faith-challenging life circumstances that have so far prevented dreams from coming to fruition, the fight she and her family bring to those challenges on a daily basis, her on-and-off again relationship with nursing, the crucial need for a support system, attempting to discern when the “right time” is to do something, no longer fearing things that seemed insurmountable before, and more!

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Transcript

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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Feeding Our Young podcast. I know I say all the time that today is a special episode, but it is a special episode. And I can't tell you, like, I have been looking forward to this one for a while, and then I was crushed because it wasn't happening, and then I was looking forward to it because it was happening, and then we decided it wasn't happening. But here we are, and we are dialed in. And that, I am not throwing my honored guest under the bus in any way, shape, or form. She knows that. And we'll talk about maybe why there was a little back and forth there. But before, let's just jump right into it, because we've got some napping children. So ladies and gentlemen and everyone, this is the one and only Lauren Avery. Lauren, how are doing today? Hello, I'm good. How are you, Eric? You know, I'm doing great. I get to sit here on a, let's see, what is it today? It's a Friday afternoon and I get to chat with someone who is, as best as I can tell, incredible. You know what mean? I don't know you from anybody. But in our back and forths, man have you got a story to tell. So I'm not gonna waste any more time. I'm not gonna waste the listener's time. We're gonna start right off with the easy opening questions, which is introduce yourself and tell us where are you from? Where's home for Lauren? Sure, so like your said, my name is Lauren. I am from about an hour southwest of Chicago and Illinois. Very small farm town. It's called Lisbon, Illinois. I went to Newark High School and then that's where I met my husband and we're living there now. So I really have only ever, I've traveled out of the area, but for the most part, that's where I call home. that's so cool. And it's so awesome that you guys met there. How long have you guys been married, if you don't mind my asking? let's see next year will be 10 years. So this will be nine in May. Yep. And then next year will be 10. So yeah, we got married really young. I was 21 when we got young. So I feel like that was a baby. I was a baby. Yeah. more, especially these days, people are getting married older and older, right? Yeah, well, I asked that because of course we'll learn more about Lauren and her story and her husband plays a key role in that. But before we do that, what are three of your favorite songs in life right now? I've listened to some of your other podcast episodes where you've been asking us and it, the question kind of drives me a little crazy because I'm like three, just three songs. Like, come on. Anyway, my husband and I both really love, right before he got sick, we both started listening to Dylan Gossett. He's kind of like a alternative country. I don't even know what category he would be in, but great stuff. Beneath Oak Trees is my favorite song of his and it just like makes me think of my husband. So I listen to it and like cry all the time. It's just a really sweet song. So that's my probably my number one. has been for a long time. And then Brave by Ella Henderson. It's kind of also hits on like what we're going through right now. But my sister sent me an older sister sent me at one day. I just said, you know, this song makes me think of you and it just is a very sweet, sweet song. And then the last one's more of just like when I listen to when I work out. It's a more of a Christian, kind of a Christian rap, I guess you could consider it. But I just I really like that one. listen to it when I work out literally every day. So little bit different on the last one, but yeah. That's incredible. And I love that because people right away are like, wait, Christian rap, those two words go together? Yes, they do. Yes, they do. does. It just does. If you listen to it, I think anyone that's not a Christian even would like that. It's just got a really good beat and everything. So I would just say look it up if you're at all into more upbeat music like that. Very, very cool. going way back, there's an artist, I recall correctly, his name is T-Bone. And he was one of, think, the forefront of, yeah, see, okay, one of the forefront Christian rap artists. But no, I remember listening to T-Bone and I'm like, okay, I like this guy. I like this guy, this is good. Well, okay, so now meanwhile, everybody's like, wait a second, hold on, Eric, you're very type A, you kind of run through the same like... order of service and whatnot and you skipped over a very important question which is what three words would you use to describe nursing school but I skipped over it on purpose and that's what brings kind of the unique story to Lauren's story here. Lauren, why did I skip over those words? What nursing school are you going to? I am not a nurse, Eric. What? my gosh, dun dun dun. No, and this is what I'm excited about. So Lauren reaches out, anyone who knows me knows I like, man, I will get to know anyone. I love like, my gosh, hey, how you doing? And it drives my wife crazy sometimes because I'm like, babe, let's go talk, like, no, no, no, no, no, let's not do that. And so Lauren sends an email and she says, hey, I just wanted to thank you guys for, you know what mean, this podcast, I found your podcast, it's encouraging. on potentially becoming a nurse. And we're still in that phase of life, right, Lauren, where we are potentially becoming a nurse, right? Yes, I've been accepted into a fall start program and I can explain it a little further. I was supposed to start last semester, but things got pretty crazy with my husband's health. So postponed that and then kind of went a different route, which we can get into in a little bit. But yes, it is very much still on the table and I'm just going to give it a little bit more time because I have time. They don't need to know until end of May. So yeah. And that's part of the reason why the aforementioned going back and forth on the, well, I want to do the podcast, I don't want to do it. But yeah, that's me. Lauren writes out. because I'm very indecisive. If you get to know me and if you ask my family they're like, yeah, Lauren's been in and out of so many things. She's a little crazy, so yeah. That's okay. We all need a little bit of crazy. That's for sure. But that's the reason why it was in and out because I'm like anyone who knows me someone's gonna reach out and I was like, Lauren, my gosh, that's thank you. Like I will pass your words of encouragement on it. It was a Amy Cathey's episode that you originally were writing about and and I shared that with Amy and Amy was just like, my gosh, like she was so touched by that. And so this is the first like weird kind of meta experience where I'm like, I'm talking to someone and the only reason why I know you is because the podcast exists. And that's not, there's no ego stroke in this. But of course, when Lauren writes out, I'm like, okay, so Lauren, you wanna be on the podcast? Like, I wanna get to know you, let's do this. So here we are, here we are. Enough about that. That's just how we got to this day on this moment in life. So Lauren, I'm gonna let you start where you wanna start. There's a lot of things we wanna talk about, a of things you brought up. And in particular, I suppose I imagine the best place to start would be your story. So, you know, nursing is not the only thing necessarily on the table or wasn't the only thing on the table. Get into that and get into kind of what has derailed you, goodness. Yeah, so most of my background, graduated high school in 2013 and most of that time to now has been in like the fitness industry. I dabbled in massage therapy for a while, but mostly in like that health and fitness space is where I've resided. And then I've taken a few years off to raise my kids. have a four year old and two year old. So mostly have stayed home and then was again, was gonna go back for nursing. I had originally in 2016, I'll go back a little bit, in 2016, that's when my husband and got married, he was gonna go back to school and finish his degree and then I also was gonna go to the same school at the same time, we weren't gonna major in the same thing, but I was doing my nursing prerequisites and he ended up dropping out because he had bilateral shoulder surgery and there was a big... issue with it and so he decided to postpone school and then I just had this is kind of been a common thread through my life. just haven't had a ton of confidence in my ability to do academically challenging things. I've always been good athletically but I've I'm a good student. I just don't have a lot of confidence or I'm better now but then I just didn't. So. I just, I dropped once basically a week after he did. was like, okay, I'm going to do that too. Like I just wasn't mentally in it anymore. I didn't have the confidence. And so I've regretted that kind of ever since. But I've, you know, I've, I've enjoyed other things. Massage therapy was good for a few years. I really liked the one-on-one patient or client interaction. And then, you know, I've loved personal training, strength and conditioning with athletes. And, but some things, something about nursing has always like pulled me back. back to nursing when I was doing my internship in strength and conditioning at a university. So just basically training the athletes at the college I went to. I remember like talking to the students that I was training and I always like if they would tell me they were nursing major, I'm like, tell me more. Like tell me about your clinicals. And they would tell me and I just so interested in what they were doing and I don't know, it's just been kind of a common thread through I don't know the last, I would say 10 years since I've. you know, kind of gave up on that dream. So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. I'm still a stay at home mom, my husband, we can get into that whenever we want. I don't have to explain the whole thing, but I'm an open book. So if you are wanting to hear a good chunk of that story, I can get into that as well. Let's hear it because this is, yeah, let's just unpack that for a minute. We'll spend some time in your world before we get into kind of some of the other specific stuff because what I love about what you bring to the table is first of all, obviously you are the first, not non-nursing student, but you're the first like prospective nursing student who's had a dream and that dream has been delayed. You know what I mean? If not outright just interrupted. And so what happened there? You keep referring to, you know, before my husband got sick, that you guys have been dealing with a lot. So what's going on in your Yeah, so my husband, he's a super active guy. both like he was in the same realm, strength conditioning, fitness. We both just shared that love for fitness. And he suffered a back injury probably a year and a half ago now. And for a long time just tried to deal with it on his own, went to physical therapy, know, tried all kinds of things and then ended up getting back surgery. And then Prior to the surgery, he had a pain management doctor prescribe him a medication called Gabapentin which is a very well-known medication. Lots of people take it for various things, many, many off-label uses. And some people have great success with it, and my husband was not one of those people. get emotional in this I'm really sorry it's there's no apologies, because then I'm gonna get emotional and we're just gonna cry together, it's fine. So he, the surgery went great, which is kind of the sucky part, but you know, at least he's not dealing with the vaccine on top of this. He, when he was on the medication, it did not even do anything for the nerve pain. So he stopped it after like three weeks of taking it post surgery, because that's when he felt like the nerve pain started to subside and it was because the surgery had worked. And so, The gabapentin, once he came off, he was sick, horribly sick, starting the day after for two weeks straight. And we didn't know what it was at the time. So we took him to the ER and we're like, what's going on? He had all these crazy like heart symptoms and just like crazy stuff. He seemed like he had something viral. That's what they thought initially. He just had some kind of bug. But then as time's going on, we're like, okay, something's going on. So eventually I mentioned like, when did you come off of the gabapentin? Like, does that have anything to do with this? And then he started like freaking out. He's like, my gosh, I'm probably having withdrawal. So at that point we knew, okay, it's probably related to this. And so, you the next, I don't know, three to six months are just a rabbit hole of provider after provider after provider, mostly getting gaslit. Like you have anxiety, you know, the gabapentin was masking the anxiety because sometimes it's prescribed for that. It was pretty horrific. And, you know, symptoms are just continuing to get worse. Most of the primary symptoms are. Horrible insomnia, he spends most nights wide awake and has been that way for eight plus months. Tremors, little to no appetite, no hunger or fullness cues. Those hormones are just like completely non-existent. Those are like the main things. And then the POTS as we talked about before the episode. So with the heart, every time he stands up, the heart rate is just skyrocketing. So those are the primary ones, but. Yeah, so that's been basically what he's been. He's off of the medication. He tried to do a slow taper and then received advice from another provider to try to go faster. And that was not really any better. But we did get him off and he's been off for like two, two and a half months now, but just not seeing any any change. So he could be like this forever. And I don't I don't know what to do with that. We've got two young kids. He's 31 years old. Mmm. Just a whole life I have him, loved his job. He was a PE teacher and a basketball coach and just everybody loved him in the community and it's just been absolutely gut wrenching to see him go through this. He's, you know, a total shell of himself and can't, you know, be a father and a husband as he would like to be so. Yeah, we're not anti-medicine. I'm definitely not. He's a lot more skeptical now than he ever has been. I think on any medication, it'll give you a warning. There's always those outliers where it can go wrong. It doesn't match with your physiology for whatever reason. And it just didn't for him. How so I I I appreciate you sharing that and I'm assuming this is of course he's okay with this you guys have discussed this prior to Coming on and all the things. Yeah, but I your world is for I mean, there's no adequate words, right? like it's been turned completely upside down and my heart just It goes it goes out to you guys like I can't imagine you don't I mean I can see it from both sides You don't mean if it was my wife that was experiencing that I can feel the devastation. If it were me that were going through that, I could feel just the complete, you know what I mean, challenge that that would present being a father, being a husband, and all the things. And so I just, my heart goes out to you both, and I can't express how much, just how, no, I'm speechless. I can't, there's nothing to share as far as that goes. I don't, how are you guys? I mean, obviously there's all the old cliches, one day at a time and so on and so forth. How are you guys navigating this time of your lives? Yeah, so this is obviously really tough to answer. So, I mean, it definitely is one day at a time. is definitely it is cliche, but that's it's just not looking at all the days we have potentially ahead of us like this, because, know, the past eight months have been this. And it looks like, you know, with the evidence that I have in front of me, it looks like this could be my life for the foreseeable future. So. Basically, I try to treat each day like potentially is this could be the last day he's like this. It's very unlikely that, you tomorrow he wakes up and he's healed. But I almost have to approach it that way. And then, you know, my family and friends, they all live very close by. I have lots of family nearby. So just the support of people that we love has been. absolutely vital to get through this and just, you if I need a break with the kids, you know, they step up and help with the kids or, you know, always saying that they're praying for us and, you know, just willing to step in whenever we need. So it just, I couldn't do this without the support of the people around me either. So I, I don't know, my faith is really important to me, but that has definitely been rocked through this. Like it's really easy to show up to church and to pray and to keep doing all those things when it's really easy to worship God when your life is cake. Like, when you're not going through anything hard. Boy, is that easy. But if I'm sitting in that pew and I'm looking at everybody else, all their families look healthy and happy, and I'm sitting there with my kids by myself while my husband is at home sick, that is really hard. It's almost impossible. So. okay with you, mean, let's chat about that for a second, because I am no stranger to that myself. Like, you know, I've talked about my story on the podcast as far as our son is concerned, and of course our faith is rocked in that moment, but ironically enough, felt, you know what mean? Like at that time, there was very little doubting, you know what I mean, as far as that goes. It was more of a, you know, why us, why him, why all the things. and working through of course that grief and continuing to do so to this day. But for us, like quite honestly, personally, my faith, the last five years really, you know what I mean, have really done a number on our faith. Part of that, you know, the pandemic and kind of, you know, certain Christians' response to that and... Yeah. You know what's going on with politics and religion and the bleeding of the two and and I'm not turning this podcast into that I can't identify with what you're going through except for the fact. Because now I go to a, and I never thought this would be a sentence in my life, I go to a Baptist church because my daughter goes there because she was having a big fit and we sent her to the park, and we sent her there to blow steam and she's sitting there and they were having some event and they talked to her and she went to their youth group and Lo and behold, she loves it there and she ended up getting baptized at that church. So now I go there because I love that pastor. And I guess part of the reason why I brought that up is because our pastor, they have a daughter, and I'm not sharing a story I'm not allowed to share, because he is very public with it, but they have one of their children, has very special needs, and medically fragile, and lots of... the stories he tells and the former children's pastor and the former children's nurse in me is just like, I hug him every time I see him and I'm like, how are things going? Nothing I can do to help you, but I'm praying for you and all the things. And so I just, Lauren, I wish I could hug you guys, you and your husband through the screen. Like I wish I could just. You know what I mean? Because I see it. I see the battle-hardened face. I see the battle-hardened heart. And you're going through it. But I feel like I get from you that it isn't over. Right? Like you're not... No one's waving a white towel of anything. You're gonna get through every... You're gonna bring that fight every day and you know what I mean? And every day praying and hoping that it gets better, right? Praying and hoping that maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, but in the meantime, we bring the fight to what's going on. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I was just re-listening to Amy's episode yesterday and I can't remember exactly what she said, but she said, no, as nurses, we sometimes, and we won't outright say this, and I'm not a nurse, I'm just somebody considering nursing. We think we're the heroes. Like we need to come in and save the day and save the patient's life. But that's not necessarily what we're always there for, even like our main role as a nurse. It's like what I've learned being with my husband over the past eight months. is like, just need to sit with him in his pain. Like, I can't fix him. There's nothing I can do to fix him, but I can sit with him in his pain and I can hold him and I can be there for him. And that's most likely what your patients need as a nurse. Like, yes, you need the interventions oftentimes and they need you to do all these tasky things. But what they most need is like your soul and your spirit and you to just be with them and be present with them. I think that's what's pulled me back to nursing, especially in this phase of life is just, I know what it's like to be in the trenches, to be in the thick of suffering. And I just think that I could really show really deep, deep empathy for others that are going through, you know, a similar level of suffering or, yeah.% because you're living it. You're in it and you can take that experience and you can go through and you're like, it's almost like you're going through the hardest part of nursing school right now and you're not in nursing school. You know what I mean? Nursing school is going to give you the foundation on how to be a nurse and how to do this and how to do that. But it's what we talk about is the intangibles that you can't be taught and you bring that whatever your life experience is, you bring that to the table. And for better or for worse, okay, yeah, you know what I mean? Would you rather not have to go through this for sure, right? But you're going through it. So now you're like, man, what am I gonna do with this? How am I gonna, you know what mean? How can I maximize this? I just, so inspiring, Lauren, like legit. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your story and being vulnerable like that. I, hmm. Is there anything else you wanna say just in that regards before we kind of... callously it feels like, go on to the next quote unquote topic. Yeah, I don't really think so. I'm trying to think if there's anything inspiring I can come up with, but I just, I guess I just want to say for like anyone who is going through, listening to this, who's going through like a really, really dark time, whether it's a health issue or something else, like your life does have meaning. It does have purpose, like hang in there. Like I can't tell you how many times I've had to talk to my husband off ledge, like, and he doesn't mind me sharing that literal ledge. But your life does have meaning. There's gonna be better days on the other side of this. And I fully believe that even though I haven't seen those days yet, they will come someday. So I just wanna send that encouragement out to anyone else who's going through something similar or maybe something completely unrelated, just something else really hard. And it's that expectation versus reality, right? When you say in sickness and in health, you you expect the health. You expect the, not an easy life, maybe some people do, but you expect it to be sunshine and roses most of the time. life's not like that. is life and I hate it because it's so, it's so cold, but it's true. Like life is just gonna life. And so then it's how do you respond? Yeah, maybe you guys aren't living the life you thought, but here you are loving him, supporting him, like you said, holding him. And you know what mean? You're carrying, you're carrying the load right now. And I'll keep praying that there's a day where you don't have to be the one carrying that load and you guys get to do it more together or you know what I mean? And whatever that looks like, I don't know. But you're right, his life still has meaning, your life still has meaning and... such incredible meaning, like even if for no other reason I... This is your episode. I want you to talk more and I keep talking, but I was just so passionate. Like my son, you know, who died, his memorial service was on what would have been a 17-month birthday. oh, ha ha ha. I'll never forget, It was my mom's cousin. We called him Uncle Tim. He spoke and he said, you know, I keep hearing, you know what I mean? Like, it's such a tragedy, right? His life was cut so short and didn't get to know what full life is and all of this and didn't get to get married and all the things. But he's, he said he lived a fuller life than most of us do. He was loved by two parents who cared for him. He didn't have to experience heartbreak. He didn't have to experience this, that, and the other. And that has stuck with me, you know what I mean? Like we don't know what life's gonna bring. We don't know what it's gonna look like. We have these expectations and whether or not you die prematurely, whether or not you experience hardship prematurely at a young age or whatever the heck that's supposed to be. You know what I mean? Your still, his story carries on and inspires others. your husband, your story, even if it's just in this little podunk episode of a podunk podcast and the- middle of Spokane, Washington, if somebody listens to it and their life, you know, they're going through something, they're like, oh my gosh, that's the word I needed to hear, Lauren. You know what I mean? You've made an impact on somebody's life and, wow, we're just gonna do a whole episode of this. That's it, just crying and talking about other things. No, we'll continue on here because again, we've established clearly how incredibly inspiring you are and your story is. you talk about this going back and forth. And obviously people are like, duh. And like, come on, you're dealing with all this and now you're even talking about going back to nursing school on top of that. you you've chatted with me briefly about the idea that there were kind of two careers vying for your attention. Would you like to kind of talk about how that started and where you're at with that, you know, all the way through to where you're at now with that? Sure, so I think I mentioned briefly my husband was a PE teacher. He still has the job. He's on a year leave right now and then he has to give him a decision come this May. He was a PE teacher and a basketball coach, but he, you know, not traditional PE. It's like fitness-based teaching these kids how to lift weights, how to write their own programs, like how to take care of themselves as an adult. Like, and that I never had that kind of PE in high school and then once I was exposed to that via my husband, I was like, know, this would be awesome. I love working with especially that age, the high school age and just from coaching. And then I found like a one-year bridge program where I could, you know, get into that and that I was I was gonna start that a long time ago prior to him right before he got sick. And then it just doesn't sit. hasn't sat right with me, you know, he likely will never go, potentially, I don't want to say likely, he potentially will never go back to that job again, especially with how what's happened to him is very nervous system driven. And so he likely won't be able to do a job that requires such like stimulation with his nervous system again. And that job, mean, you're, you've got, you know, 30 to 40 kids in a weight room and it's really loud. And so I have a lot of mixed feelings about going into the same field as he was in, because I know how highly he spoke of his job and how much he loved it. But at the same time, he, you know, pushes me like you would love it. I know you would be good at it with your background and you'd be great with the kids and yada, yada. But it just, again, it just doesn't sit right. I don't know that I can actually pursue it if my husband can't, like it just feels weird if he can't do the job that he loves. And then I'm pursuing that same job. Like it just feels off. I don't know how else to explain it. So then, know, nursing has been kind of on the table for a long time, like I said, since, you know, basically 2016, back when we got married. And then I've been pretty back and forth with it. Like it's never fully left my brain. Like I've always thought about it on and off. I actually considered switching my major to nursing when I was almost done with my exercise science degree back in like 2020. And I was like, no, Lauren, you're almost done. Just finish the degree. You can go back for nursing. So I did finish because I was so close. I would literally had like two classes left. So I just finished it. And then that's right when we had kids. So then I just haven't, you know, I've been mostly staying at home and personal training on the side here and there. But just always like, you know, I've had experiences with the nurses throughout those three years, obviously in labor delivery, when I had both my kids and postpartum, like those experiences, I was like, I could totally see myself doing that. So that that was really eye opening to have those experiences. And then my sister, older sister just had a baby. Actually, not just the baby's almost a year old now somehow. That's still just. Basically just, but throughout like her pregnancy, like I love being that person that she could lean on. And she, she had kind of like a history of bad experiences with a healthcare provider. And just, she was very scared of the whole birthing experience, which a lot of women are. But I was just, I loved being there for her and supporting her. And she like would call me her doula, even though I definitely don't have any training like that or anything. But just like the emotional support and I just remember feeling like right before she had a scheduled c-section. I remember being like, man, I wish I could be your nurse. Like I know that I would give her what she needs. Like I would prevent any, you know, emotional trauma from taking place in that room. Like I just knew whether, you know, it's in that labor room or postpartum or whatever. I just wanted to be the one caring for her and I couldn't and I hated that. So that like kind of fooled me further pulled me into that, you know, that direction. But It's always just been floating around in my head and it just has never really felt like the right time with, you know, young kids. It's, hard. And hearing Amy's story, I'm like, Oh my gosh, what the heck you've got like a three, two, and a one year old or something nuts like that. Like I have two kids. Like you're nuts. No, she's not nuts. She's that's amazing, but it just, it's. I just. I think it just depends on your support system and what you feel like you're able to tolerate. obviously life circumstances can make things a bit more challenging. But another piece to add to it is eventually, my husband can't work. One of us needs to work. So I want to go back to school and get that going for us. We thankfully have financial help from my parents right now. I don't know what I would do without their help, especially financially right now. So that's been really nice. They're willing to help me get through school and stuff too. But yeah, whether I go nursing or teaching, I could see myself doing either one. ultimately, nursing has been on my mind the longest. And I think I would be really disappointed if I didn't ever pursue it. So that's kind of where I'm at. Well, in the vast amount of time I've known you, I obviously, I feel like you would definitely succeed in either of those roles, you know what I mean? And we each have that, you we talk to the nursing students who, you know, okay, well, we've decided on nursing, but then it's like, okay, now what part of nursing do we go in? And some get really worried about, by the time they graduate, like, I still don't know. Great, what that means is you have lots of options on the table. You're not saying no to this, that, and the other. You've got all these options. And so in a similar respect, that's where you're at at this moment. You know what mean? You have these options. But I also love the fact that the way you keep talking about it, you're like, you know, I did this for a while. I've done this for a while. You know, we're thinking about the education, but the thing that keeps popping back in my mind is nursing. The thing that keeps coming back is nursing. And I mean, you can only ignore it for so long, right? You know, and well, and Let's talk about that because you said that and I was like, obviously I haven't experienced the exact same thing. It took me a while to get into nursing. I wasn't a nurse until I was 30. I knew very early on in my nursing career that I wanted to be an educator. I wanted to teach. I love teaching our new hires and all the things. I've brought that up before. But I was like, okay, so I got to someday, I'm gonna get my master's degree. When I grow up, I'm gonna get my, and granted, this is even back when all I had, quote unquote, was my associates. So there's still lots of hoops to get through to even get to that dream. and I talk about how like, you live long enough with a dream or an idea or a passion to the point where if you don't act on it, instead of becoming this invigorating thing, it becomes a weight, an anchor that drags you down. You have this cloud over your head like. No, you know what I mean? You're right. I mean, I'm good with where I'm at, but I know I could have done so much more. I know I could have whatever. It's not gonna happen. Maybe it's not in the cards for me. Just because it's not in the cards for you right now doesn't mean it's not in the cards for you later. And so be careful not to give up. This isn't to you, this is to everybody. Like don't give up on a dream just because it's not happening right now. And I can, I... I can say it being now barely on the other side of it by a couple years going, my gosh, everything I thought it would be, it's been all of that and more. Was it painful to sit down and get that degree and to start learning how to do the education portion of my job? dear God, yes. I'd sit in my chair in the living room and cry and you know what I mean? Like, cause it was like, I don't even know what I'm doing. I don't know what any of this is about. I thought I was smart and now I feel like the dumbest person on the planet. But you still, you go through it. You one day at a time, you get it done. And then on the other side of it, my gosh, it's almost like a professional oasis. And so, you know what I mean? Like you, Lauren, I see it going either way, but you end up going to nursing, man. I can't even imagine, like, I've sat down with people whose road was much, much tougher than mine. And yours is going to be much, much tougher than mine. But, my gosh, like, you know what I mean? Like, you're gonna get through that, and degree in hand, job in hand, You're gonna have so much, you know what mean, there's gonna be more freedom, both financially, schedule-wise, and all the things, but it has to be worth getting, right? Like, how do you, is that something you take into account when you're thinking about this, as far as like, okay, you know what I mean? Am I gonna be able to withstand that forging fire, that pain, to get to the other side? Yeah, I think ultimately like the main thing I'm thinking about was just like time away from my kids because what for anyone that's listening that's going again going through hard stuff like this. It has made anything else like even nursing school like you can tell me till you're blue in the face that nursing school is super hard. I promise it's not as hard as my life experiences right now. Like I think going to nursing school in some ways will feel like a break like and it's I know like you're probably like Warren. You really don't know what you're getting yourself into with nursing school and I hear you. But it just, think when you go through really, really hard stuff, it just gives you a different perspective. So I think that might help me, but I kind of forget where I was going with my trail of thought here, but I just, I'm not intimidated by nursing school as much as I used to be before all this happened. Like back in 2016, I was like, that's so hard. There's no way could do that. And I just don't, I don't really feel that way. My main barrier, and I'm not calling my kids a barrier, I'm, I'm their mom and that's my most important role. I signed up for that. I chose to have them. They did not choose to come into this world. I chose to bring them into the world and I feel like a very heavy responsibility there and it's just this divide. Do I continue to let my parents help us financially and I stay home with them for a little bit longer until they're a little older and maybe in school or whatever or... Do I have someone else take care of them while I go to school? And it's not, mean, school, this ADN program that I'm looking at is a little, it's more part-time. It's a 24 month. I've heard other ones that are 18. It's one class at a time. Like it would be doable, but it would definitely be more time, know, studying and away from the kids, clinicals, those kinds of things. it's just like, can I logistically make it work? And... will it be okay for my kids because obviously this has been a traumatic time for them and I don't want to traumatize them anymore. just mostly thinking about my kids, what my family needs right now. Yeah, and you're right, it's not a barrier. It's about priorities. You know what I mean? And it's not that you're even forsaking them to then go on and pursue this career. You know what I mean? It's not, you're not approaching this from a standpoint of, know, want this, I want a career where I'm gonna be rich and famous and all these things and all that. You're pursuing a career for the betterment of your kids and your family. And so yeah, then the question is, how do you know when to pull the trigger on this? Yep. And that I imagine is what has led to a lot of the waffling back and forth, right? Yeah. I, Amy also mentioned in her episode, which I'm going to just keep, I just her episode, if you haven't heard it, like in your mom, listen to it. I just think there's never going to be a right time for me. Like I, I just don't know that waiting is going to be that much more beneficial. Like even if I waited till my youngest is in kindergarten, I don't know that it's going to be that much easier. Like life just keeps going and they're going to get busier as they get older. And I just don't, I don't know. So it's hard to say. I have the support system. I have the help that I would need to get through nursing school. So logistically, I could make it work. yeah, think it's really challenging to know when to pull the trigger. And Amy said, too, you've got everybody's opinions. And I have a big family, so everybody has opinions. And I've got five siblings. no. two parents. you know, all the opinions and everybody's got a different one. And it's like, you know, that that makes it even more challenging. I'm always wanting to hear what they have to say. But. I just, I'm sorry, you know, anyone who just heard you say that is like, we've been there, we've been there, everybody's got opinions. Someone once told me, and this is another thing I've carried since I was very, very young, it's one of those stupid sayings, but opinions are like buttholes, you ever heard that one? Everybody's got one and most of them stink, so yeah, that's a pretty big, but no, like, and what you're talking about though too. as far as when to pull the trigger, is now the right time, am I, you know what mean, with my kids and all the things. That just likens to the time where all of us, feel like, when you get married and then, you're like, I know I wanna have a family. And you're also like, okay, but we're not ready to have kids yet. We're not ready. Maybe we'll be ready after we've, whatever, traveled a while. Maybe we'll be ready when we've saved more money. Maybe we'll be ready when we actually have bought a house first. Maybe we'll be ready when da-da-da-da-da-da. That's just it. And so, you know what I mean? And then sometimes, like in our case, we said we had a five-year plan. We're gonna be married five years and then maybe talk about having kids and... doing all the things. We know how babies are made and all that. But you're like, okay, well we're gonna prevent it, it'll be fine, and dah, dah. And I always joke that God had other plans. Because in that five year plan, not only did we have our first, our first had died within that first five years, and we had our second, or my wife was pregnant with our second. And so, the five year plan that ended up happening was completely, utterly different than what we imagined. And there was no point, and I tell my family this every time at the bedside, I'm like, right, were you guys ready to have a kid? No. We thought we were ready. The ones that even thought they were ready, you guys, you have a child and you're like, oh, holy crap, I'm not ready for this. So it's the same thing. I don't wanna lessen having children, but you know what mean, Lauren, like what you're saying, that's what comes to my mind when you're saying, is now the time to pull the trigger? When is the right time? Right now, what you know you have is support and you have, you know what mean, the love of a family and you've got this, that and the other and you're trying to better your family and who knows, maybe you start down this road, your husband starts feeling better. Who knows? You know what I mean? Like there's so many different wild cards here. But on the flip side of that, as has been proven to you and to me in our lives, tomorrow's never guaranteed. You don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. know, God forbid a tragedy happens and you lose a loved one or your loved one experiences a hardship. Things of that nature. So now all of a sudden support that was there is not there anymore. Or you know what I mean? Maybe my own health, you your own health. Somebody you're expecting, oh no, tomorrow will be great. Tomorrow will be great. Tomorrow will be great. Well guess what? Sometimes tomorrow isn't great. And that's a horrible thing to say from an otherwise optimistic fellow on an otherwise optimistic podcast. But it's using that to recognize that strike while the iron's hot. Do what you gotta do, when you gotta do it. And then use that as motivation to get it done as soon as you can. Like that's the thing, right? So that's not me, that's not an opinion on what I think Lauren Avery should do. It's just if you're gonna do it, it sounds like you're the type of person that's like, all right, once I know I'm in, I'm all in. Right. Yep. Yep. so, before we close your episode, that has just been, we've talked, you know what I mean? I feel like there's so much more that could be said. And yet there's been so much more said than we originally planned. And that's kind of generally how these things go. But a few pointed questions to end here. I know you've touched on this, but I think there are a few more things you wanted to say about it. Why nursing? Why does nursing keep coming back to you? What was the original impetus for wanting to become a nurse? I think my initial interest in nursing, I know that my, I remember my mom and dad saying that my grandma T, so my dad's mom always wanted to be a nurse and just never had the chance to go back to school. She ended up becoming a single mother and it just like, know, logistically didn't work out. And then she died of breast cancer when I was pretty young. But her story was just really tragic. Like she didn't want, she didn't want to go in for her mammograms or breast exams or whatever because the doctor she was seeing would harass her about her weight. And then you ended up getting stage four breast cancer. that always just hasn't sat right with me. Like I just feel like somebody needs to right that wrong in some way, somehow. Like it was... her cancer could have been caught earlier and if a healthcare provider could have shown her some compassion and not harass her about her weight, she probably would have been around a lot longer. that alone really just gets me. If I could just be a nurse or a healthcare provider that offers people compassion and even if I don't agree with their lifestyle choices or their decisions in life, like... there's still a person at the end of the day in front of you with feelings and emotions and they deserve to be treated with respect regardless of what they look like or any of that. And so I think that was my like first I learned about you know all that very young. So that was kind of like the first seed planted. And then I have like a lot of friends that are in nursing too and like family friends I've got like one family friend. She's been a charge ER nurse for 30, 40 years, like she's been working at the same place for a long time. And she's just like so, her personality is very similar to mine. I see like a lot of myself in her, but she's just like, advocates so hard for her patients and she's so like strong willed and bold and you know, like the typical ER nurse stereotype. think she, she suits that very well, but she's always been very inspiring to me. like anytime my family or me have had like health questions or anything, like I just know, okay, you text Patty, like. She's, I don't know, she's always just been a great resource. But like friends too, like one of my best friends at my wedding, she's a nurse, she's now a clinical instructor. One of my other best friends, she still works bedside and is also an NP school. So there's just like a lot of nursing around me. And then like I shared, you my personal experiences as a mom going through like L &D postpartum. So it's just been like little experiences over time. But that first just... introduction with my grammar, think, is where the initial interest came from. And then just, I've always been fascinated, like nursing isn't just the science and it's not just the skill, like just the combination of the knowledge and the skills that you have to have with the compassion. It's just kind of a, it's such a unique career with so many different options for flexibility and, you know, could fit my family life very well if I didn't. You bedside can work well, you know, you work 312s, you can go part time or per diem or you can travel if you really want to, you could work in a school. I mean, you've talked on this podcast to other people who have listed so many other options and I'm just someone, I'm someone who probably has undiagnosed ADHD. Like I'm fairly certain of that. And I worry if I get into teaching, you know, that's one specific job that you can do with that degree. And if I'm like, I'm getting kind of bored with this or I'm not challenged or. you're out of luck. Like, okay, you can go to a different school or you can become administration and that's about it. So I think having options is something that's just super attractive to me. And on that note, you become a nurse, then down the road, guess what you get to do? You can also teach. That's what I love. I'm like, I wouldn't ever, I never wanted to be a full-time teacher and today I would say the same thing. But I get to teach on top of already taking care of people. Man, that's icing on an already very rich cake. This is kind of random, but when I was a massage therapist, I got to train the massage therapist that was going to replace me when I left. And I loved that. I really could see myself, like if once I became a seasoned nurse, to be able to train the new grads or that kind of role, or maybe eventually become a clinical instructor or something like that. I could totally see it. could totally see it too. Again, having known you for such a long period of time now. So with that too, a couple other questions. Who is your hero and why? this is tough. I mean, right now I could go through like my immediate family and give you a reason why each of them are like specifically my parents. My dad owned like he owns a sports very successful sports barrel company that started in my garage when I was a kid. And he's gone through like a lot in life and is just a really strong, inspiring person. And then my mom. had a really like rough upbringing in childhood and she's, you know, stayed home with us six kids and she's just a really selfless, awesome person. But right now, like currently, if I had to pick one, it would be my husband. He just, I mean, he shared the statistics with me on people who are going through similar things that he's going through on like suicide rates. I don't mean to make this dark, but Like his chances of even be alive, right? Like the fact that he's alive right now is just incredible. He chooses to show up each day when every day is so dark. You you wake up, you don't wake up, you just stay awake all night. And then you just, know, live every day like it's, I don't know, every day is the same and you're not seeing any improvement. So I just, and he's still able to, you know, put a smile on his face for the kids. And when he can play with them, he tries to, and like, he just does his best with what he has. So yeah, I would say him for sure. And that's why I wanted to ask that question. And I mean, and like you said, you're not trying to make it dark, but that's the very reality of where you're at, right? Like that's when life is so hard and life is so tough. You know, I think of like the great late great Christopher Reeves, you know, a horse accident and paraplegic. And, you know, I've often in my youth even was like, man, you know what I mean? Like, what if that happened to me? Would I have the fortitude to carry on? It's easy to say, you know what I mean? Life is precious and da da da. But guess what? Especially if you believe there's something better on the other side. That's tough. It's tough, it's tough. I don't know if that'll make the episode. We're kind of on a tangent based on what you said there, but you know what I mean? Welcome to a very special episode of Feeding Our Young. No, but that's just it. It's despite that, he's fighting. I said you're bringing the fight every day and right now he's bringing the fight every day. And I just, I will continue to pray for you guys daily, regardless of what change happens and regardless of whether or not that prayer helps. I believe it does and therefore we're gonna keep it up. And to end on that note too, I kind of loved what you had to say about this, but you, Lauren, bringing it back around to you. What is your superpower? I would say I've always just been, I've noticed this in myself, but people have told me this. I'm like an encourager and uplifter. Just in my, I mean, in my previous roles in personal training or, you know, working with a specifically like female clients, I just can sense like when they, you know, lack that confidence and I've seen what strength training does to a female's confidence level. So. I just, I've always, and I've got, you know, I've got that coaching background. I just, yeah, I think that translates to lot of areas of my life though, where I'm just, if I see someone in my family or one of my friends or even somebody at the grocery store who looks like they're having a rough day, like I just, I'll try to come up with a compliment or just like, I want to be that light. I want to be that encourager and uplifter for people when they lack the confidence, because I've been that person for a lot of my life where I don't have the confidence to do things or. Yeah, so I would just say that if I were to pick anything. Awesome. And so the typical closing question, and then I'll share one last thing before we end, but not being in nursing school, not having stepped a foot in nursing school, but going through the hardest part of nursing, quote unquote, school right now. What is the one piece of advice you'd want nursing students and or nurses to take away from your episode? I think whether it's something hard that you're going through or whether it's nursing school because nursing school is inevitably hard, it is a time period. Like there is an end date and sometimes you just have to put your head down and you just do the work. And while there's going to be really challenging days, when there are those really, really extra hard days when you're going through the program or when you're going through a difficult phase in life, like lean on your people. Don't do it alone. That would be my number one piece of advice. Because the days where I don't accept the help, I'm getting texts and I'm ignoring everybody and I'm feeling sorry for myself, like just take the help. And if no one's offering it to you, like find those people. I'll be a person. Like you can give everybody myself a number, like if they need somebody to talk to. I'm not kidding. I just find if you don't have one, I'll be that person for you because everybody just needs, whether it's just somebody to talk to or... you know somebody to come over and watch your kids for you for a bit or whatever your circumstances are like you need people. I think that would just be the main thing. Well, well said. Well, if it's okay with you, I am going to end this episode in a different way than I usually do. I'm going to read your podcast review, if that's all right, that you had written for us. The thing that, you what I mean? You reached out to us and then you ended up writing this review and it just touched me so incredibly. But here's what Llewyn wrote. And she says, I can't tell you how helpful this podcast has been for me. I've thought about pursuing nursing on and off for almost a decade. and the insights shared in this podcast have been so inspiring and have helped solidify my next steps to become a nurse. Thank you, Eric, and all honored guests from the bottom of my heart. I will be an avid listener for as long as the podcast exists. I'm not sharing that to toot our horn. I'm sharing that to turn it around on you. Thank you, Lauren. for reaching out and thank you for sharing your story and for in turn inspiring me with what you guys are dealing with, how you're dealing with it, being very real, very honest and very open and showing what, showing what real life looks like. That not everybody gets to have the quote unquote privilege of living. It's not easy. Mm-hmm. You are part of a club nobody wants to be a part of. I'm a part of a different club that nobody wants to be a part of. You know what mean? But then because you are forced into this club, what do do with it? And you are, you are, and I know there are days you don't feel like it, but you are just a shining example, I imagine, for your family, for everyone that definitely knows you well more than any of us ever will. So thank you. so much, Lauren, for sharing your story and thank you for being on the podcast. Thank you. Can I add one last thing? No, just super fast. Literally just super fast. I just want to say like, you've mentioned on the podcast that you just think it's like this little podcast that isn't going to make any impact. And it's like, I just don't think that's true, Eric. Like I think, and maybe you can see the statistics like that are emailed to you or whatever, however you see it. But I really think over time, like I'm in Illinois. Like I think that you're going to get, and I'm going to like share this with the nursing program that I'm in. And I think it's going to spread. And I just think your impact is going to be greater than you see right now. So I just encourage you to keep going and please please keep doing what you're doing. That's all I going to for that. Yeah, I've never been a fan of numbers and there's a whole story behind all this and all the things. I don't care about the numbers. When I, like I said, I couldn't have been more happy to get your email because I'm like, there it is. This is why we do it. This is why we're doing it everybody is because we're gonna have our little fun. We're gonna do our quote unquote little project. I'm gonna continue this quote unquote little podcast. And I don't care. I don't wanna become an influencer, dear God. I don't wanna have, you know what mean? There's a reason why there's not a merch line on the website yet, because I'm like, I just want to help people. And so, you know what mean? Maybe I need to get someone to come alongside me that's going to end up, you know, taking care of that part of it. But the long and the short of it is, I'm not in it to make the money. I'm not in it to anything else. I'm in it for this reason right here. So we get to meet someone like Lauren so that Lauren gets to be encouraged and turn around and encourage others. And we can just make this society a better place. Dear God in today's day and age. So. Lauren, thank you. Thank you so much. just, I've said it again. I'm gonna say it a million times before we end. So I'm gonna, we're done. We're done. Everybody, we're ending the episode. I promise. Thank you, Lauren. Have an awesome rest of your day. You too.