113 - Maliah Haroldson Pt 2: However Much You Want Out of It

Continue with nurse and Sacramento, California native Honored Guest Maliah Haroldson as she talks about the power of gratitude, building confidence, mentorship’s impact on career development, seeking her NP, lifelong learning, putting in the work, work-life balance, and more!

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Transcript

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Alright, welcome to part two of who knows how many of the Maliah Haroldson experience Maliah. How are you? It's been so long since we've chatted So with that let's not waste any more time because as we've established in the first episode we're talkers So I wanted to talk I want me to listen. I want you to listen So let's just start with another one of the topics that you gave us Maliah things that we could talk about And I really, I said it about your first topic and I really love it about your second. So we're gonna work these six in here somehow I feel like. But the power of gratitude, I love how this, how a simple practice can transform nursing. What are you talking about? I think so gratitude for me, guess like. It comes both ways, right? So you get gratitude, get appreciation from a patient and then you have it from your coworkers or just like from yourself as well. And then like you give it back. So I feel like in the field of nursing, it's the idea that you go in, you're kind of like, I guess like in the trenches, you're just like in the trenches. That's like, you're, just there for 12 hours, 10 hours, eight hours. It doesn't matter. You're just like doing your work. And I think at the same time, like it's like, get yelled at, have this like bogged down feeling, you know what mean? Like it gets to your psyche at some level. like am I not doing anything right? is the patient, like the family's not happy, somebody's not happy, but then it's the idea of just being like grateful. And that goes along, like I think like your whole nursing journey as well. I think like through my whole nursing journey, I think looking back is where you begin to build this like, I really do appreciate that nurse like taking the time or like I appreciate my mentors I've made throughout my nursing career and like, and I appreciate my patients. Like I think I work with veterans. So like, again, like their contribution to this country, work with lot of Vietnam veterans right now. And I think it's like the idea of just like, they thank you. And like, I find this population, it's a different population in its own self. it's, you know, like they have their pros and cons too. But I think the most of the thing I appreciate is they thank me for what I do. And then in return, like I learned this from one of my mentors, like I hold her dearly and she just was like, no, thank you. You know, I think it's the idea of just being like, no, thank you for like wanting to come here and like wanting to work with me too. You know what mean? It's like that mutual respect you deal with. And I think sometimes we kind of lose that. And I think that's what makes nursing so gratifying as well. So I, yeah. And so well said too, because like, like you're talking about, you don't necessarily appreciate it in the moment, like with your mentor or whatever, when you say you're looking back at your career, because it's not because you don't have an appreciation, but it's just because you're in the midst of it and terrified, right? Yeah, exactly. Like I think even like, I'll go back to like even like how I felt going to a VA, you know, when you start, when you start nursing, you're like, give me everything you want to learn. You're like super jumpy and like antsy and then like, again, don't lose that motivation. Like you get into your field and you're like, oh my God, like you're like crying. like, what did I do? And like, that side isn't for everyone. Again, like I have friends that just went straight into like urgent care, GI clinic. And I'm like, respect. Like I, you know, like it takes a certain person to want to do that, to want to work 12 hours, to want to like do like deal with like patients at their worst. like, again, like I think nursing is like great for that. But like, I guess going back to like what I was saying about like, I don't even know what I was saying. Where am I going? Well, gratitude and you know what mean, all of that, yeah. I think like I have to say like, yeah, going back to my scholarship, it was like, I wanted to be like, I was attacking like a micu at the county hospital in San Bernardino, shout out Arrowhead. And the micu like manager gave me a chance as like a student nurse and like as a tech. And I wanted that, like I was like, I want the sickest of the sickest. that's why like I grew my, like, I might like, I want to be an ICU nurse. But then all my friends that are like now we're like three, four years into it. I've like seen some of and they're like, I'm burnt out. They're like, I want to leave bedside. I want to, need, I need like a, what do they call it? Like soft nursing job. And nothing wrong with that either. Yeah. So like for me though, to go to the VA and have the scholarship at first, was just like, so kind of like, the VA, like they call it like a VA vacation, you know, everyone has like, everyone knows it's like, oh, the VA, you know, like not high acuity as the highest acuity you'd want. And I was like, okay, like I kind of went into, was like a little sad. I was like, all right. But like at the end of it, now I'm able to go back to grad school and like, have energy, like all my friends, like again, everyone's in a different part of their career, their lives. So like, for me, like I wanted to go back. and get like a doctorate. So I was like, this is it. that's how I, I don't know, I moved up to Washington and you hear about like all these elite schools and I'm just like, you know what, U-Dub is, I literally live like by the Children's Hospital and U-Dub is like down the street from me and I'm just like stared at it for three years, drive by like all the time. And then all of sudden I was like, I guess I should apply. Like, right? Like I've told people like my big mouth was like, yeah, like I want to go back to school. So it's like, your money where your mouth is now. Yeah, exactly. And then I got to that point where I was like, okay, I guess I'll apply. I actually didn't think I was going to get in. It's such like a respected university. Well, and based on your previous experience that you shared with us just trying to get into nursing school to begin with, right? I was ready for my little rejection and it was so weird too because my sister also, my youngest sister wants to be a speech pathologist and also applied. So we're both waiting to hear back and I was like, I got it and she did not, but she's doing her own thing too and she's doing her own journey in that whole realm of speech and education. But I was really taken back. I feel like FNPs are, a lot of people had that route too or they want to do education so I was like, we'll take this yeah, I just finished up my second quarter. I'm kind of like, yeah, so I'm like, I'm new to that. so let's unpack that a little bit. So before we get into your current career goals and plans, or expounding more on that, take us back to your nursing school experience. So it wasn't that long ago, but like you said, COVID hits and all the things. I mean, man, that changes everything for everybody. But you said, you know what mean? You had seven nursing schools that you applied to. You finally get into this one, and you're not feeling the best about yourself. You know what mean? You're kind of like, well, don't, you know, kind of that, whatever. How do you get from that point to a place where you are obviously today, you know, high motivation, super like go-getter, where does that transition happen in nursing school? How did that work for you? It wasn't like, I think it's just... It's not like I don't think there was ever like a singular point. I think it was just like how I was as a person. It was almost like, you know, like you you wouldn't do well in clinical or like something would happen and then you get like down on yourself. I think it was that idea of like you just got to keep pushing and like it sounds terrible. Like you would go through all these emotions. I'd be like anxious, you know, sad, frustrated with myself. And then like, you know, you have your friends, you'll like trauma bond with each other. And you're like, why do they get this so much easier? But like you use each other to like you're like, hey, like, do you understand this? I think it's like the idea of like knowing that you're not alone and then being able to get like that whole idea of like coming together and having like that shared experience and able to like convey that to them and like have like knowing that you're not alone. I think for me though, it was just more like I got a push. Like I was like, I want this. Like I got, it was like the idea of like they rejected me. Like now I'm here. I was like, I deserve this spot. Like I am worthy. And I think you just have to repeat that like mantra. Like whatever mantra you got to repeat to be like, this is me. Like I going to do this. Like I have to. It's, you know what mean? I think I, I, I was more of like, it wasn't like, it was a choice. And I like, I was like, I'm going to choose to like prove them wrong or I'm going to choose to like make sure that I understand this or like prove to them. And then again, I think as you go through even like your nursing career, like you'll develop these skills again, like it's, you'll develop your practice, whatever that might look like for you. So for me, it just kind of, it's, it's evolving still. Like I'm still like, I could have done this better. I could have you know, and I think it's being open to feedback and having that open mind to to be like, you know Some people get so tunnel visioned that you have to understand like if this door closes There's gonna be another door and you have to understand that and even though it's not what you envision It you got to just run with the punches sometimes you're like, okay, like this one closed I got to go over here like for me like for nursing school like again, like I got rejected I was totally abroad and I was actually trying to study abroad and and go off on this whole, I don't know, screw school, screw nursing. I was so bitter too. I was like, this field sucks, they don't even want me here. And to get into a school and then it wasn't even, I was like, where is this? I haven't even visited it. Hahaha And then like have to go into the Inland Empire, an area that like I've never been to either, like I've never visited. like, you know, so like just understanding that like what you envision is not what it is. And then just understand like having that gratitude to and being like, being able to look back and be like, I actually am so thankful like of what happened. And just like, again, open mind and just like being like, this sucks. It just sucks. Like you can acknowledge that like this is going to suck for you. But you know what? You're going to we're going to figure this out together. You like we and whoever your community is. Which leads us into the third point you wanted to talk about, having to do with mentorship, its impact on career development. What can you speak towards that? So I think through, I didn't realize they were mentors at the time, but again, my friend that got the scholarship kind of counseled me. And again, she never said anything about the scholarship, but she kind of was like, you just have to go with it. Again, it helped pay for school and everything, and it was a huge help with the financial burden. And then even at the VA, think again, you just find your people as you go along. Again, like you get a preceptor and like sometimes preceptors don't work out. I get so much respect for my preceptor too. Like she wrote me my letters and like again, like you don't know what people say about you. You know what mean? Like everyone's like, what do you think of? know, like everyone's like, like, can name drop her too. You can name drop her. Her name is Rachel and like just like it was like everyone like again like, you know, like unit culture and everything It's always so funny because people are like, yeah, like I don't think she's ever she precepted before but I don't know if she ever precepted on CICU so like and we have like such a funny story too because I was a PB when I was doing the postbacke like the nurse residency I came to CICU and I tell this story all the time and Rachel was there at like sitting at her well and she's like, I don't want a student She's like I was like, I'm not a student full blown nurse. Like, swear to god. And she's just like, I had no idea. Like, again, like you don't know what's going on in people's minds. So I'm just like, I get to the unit and I'm just like standing there like shy, anxious, like, my god, like, I don't want to like intrude on and so like, I'm already like, she hates me. Like, I'm already like, you're gonna place me. So she's like, okay, so we got this like spinal cord patient that's like septic-y. What do you like, it's like, what do you, what are we gonna do? And I just was like. take care of him. So I was like, what? Like, what are you? Like, I'm just like standing there like again, like so awkward too. I can just imagine like how she felt. Long story short, it works out fine. I go up to the church and I have to come back to the unit the next day. She called out and they're like, she never calls out. I was like, she hated me. like, that was it? I broke her! like, I'm good, I'm gonna go home. I really liked working with all of you. I hope to never see you all again. And so then she comes back like a day later and like, and so it comes out later that she just like was really sick that day. And she was actually like really impressed and was like, well, like, like, I guess the backstory to that is that I was working on spinal cord for a lot of my nurse residency because COVID was still going on. So the whole hospital was like still kind of on this weird COVID lockdown. So they're like, no, no, no, no, no. Like you can't go to these specific units. And I was like, no problem. So like, it was like kind of an ideal patient that I was using. to but like way sicker than I was ever used to seeing so it kind of worked out that way but that is like that and so and then she ended up being my preceptor so I was like what? Oh my gosh. yeah, and then I think through that nurse residency program too, I really did enjoy my time. went to like an outpatient wound care clinic and I guess Dr. Quinn, she's just like awesome. She's an NP too. And she was the one that kind of steered me in the direction of FNP and like was like, this is to why, like she was, cause I was about to go for, like I work with geriatric men mostly at the VA. Not a surprise. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, I just do the Jerry Asher? But she's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like you should do the FMP. She's like, you can work with everyone. And I was like, I don't know if I like kids, you know, like I was like, how's that going to work? And she's like, do it. She's like, again, like the whole idea of open-mindedness of being like, don't close yourself off. Like, you know, like try, try to get into an FMP program first. And if that doesn't work, maybe yeah, apply for this one. But she's like, you'll be able to do a bunch. And like, again, she, she also wrote one of my recs. and just like, just love her as a human, like just very helpful, very smart. Um, just like with nursing and everything too, like I just, and she was the one that I think renewed that sense of like what I'm doing in nursing is specifically at the VA. Like the way she just dealt with veterans as well was just so like, it just like was rejuvenating in the sense of like, this is why I'm at the VA or like, this is what we're the kind of care they deserve. You know what I mean? And like, so that was, it was good. That was good. But yeah, mentors were like, a big like looking back again like everything in retrospect we're like a yeah. Well, it's funny you talk about, you know, retrospect and looking back because now let's talk about your future a little bit. I feel like that's where this is headed because you've already you've dropped the fact that you've done your second quarter in the NP program. So again, she kind of was the one that spurred you on this path. What is your hope? Like what do you without obviously having that closed mind? What do you envision yourself doing with this NP, this FNP? Like where do you want to go? Who do you want to take care of? What's your passion? That's see, I'm trying to figure that out too. I, again, like I just had a meeting with my advisor as well. And she, again, like she's a busy lady, like respect everyone at that program. It's just, I don't know. Like I think a lot of people are asking like, do you want to go, are you going to just go right into primary care? Cause it is an FMP, you know, primary care. I was like, I don't know. Like I, I wouldn't, I feel like I want to specialize somewhere. I just don't know what that is. And I think again, like I'm hoping that, you as people like you go through these clinical experiences and that you put the trust in your, you know, your experience and then in the program that everything will, something will come out of it. Like I'm not saying I'm going to just lay over and just be like, universe, send me something. I'm waiting. me. Yeah. You do have to do a little work to go into it. You know what mean? I am interested in the residencies and fellowships that happen. I think they usually do fellowships after too and they specialize in either oncology or CT, cardiothoracic. You can go to, if you're the acute care NP, which I am not, they'll have fellowships for there. And then FNPs can be found in emergency departments. So again, super broad. whatever floats my boat, however I'm feeling in life, if I'm like, I'm not super ready to be done with the organized chaos of an acute care system. Maybe the ED is calling me, who knows? yeah. Well, and like you said, you've had, you what mean, you have those moments and anyone, think anyone of us can look back and reflect on, oh man, this moment really defined me going on this part of the path or this direction as opposed to the other one. And you've already had that, right? Like, but now you still have all this, you know, it's gonna happen again. You're gonna have that moment, maybe, maybe not. And I guess the takeaway for nursing students, the reason why I bring that up is because here you're talking to someone who is a go-getter. I mean, you're like, my gosh, she's already like going back for NP, like all the things, like, my, you know, all these things, and maybe that's intimidating. Don't let it be intimidating. The idea is like, man, okay, man, that works for her and that's what she's doing. I'm not going back for my NP anytime soon at all. And that's okay. Everybody's a little bit different. But the idea is you see her going and making those plans, but being open to anything that comes out. So when I asked the question, not knowing the answer, by the way, this wasn't a, I wasn't leading the witness, But like, do you have a goal with this FNP? Do know exactly where you want to be? Some people would be like, yeah. You know, I just sat down with a couple of, with a functional medicine nurse practitioner and another, I've talked with two of those and they knew early on kind of the direction they wanted to go, but not everybody does. And that's just it. So you're in nursing school going, I still don't know what area of nursing I want to practice in, let alone chasing other things. It still happens when you go for your advanced degrees too. you may not necessarily know exactly where you want to land yet. And it's great. It's fantastic. Yeah, it honestly, it's just, it's kind of where the chips fall. I don't know. I think always like, again, like you hear a lot of these professors that I've had to sit in lectures with are these guest speakers and they're like, how did you get it to like be like a public health nurse that talks to like the state of Washington's like governor? You know what I mean? Like you're like, what? yeah. It's so it's just like and then it's always interesting like again like they just took an opportunity that just led them to another opportunity again reasonable risk reasonable risk wherever you are in your life. So this just it just happened that this is just like the prime time for me I guess like I was like I'm I feel like you know like I enjoy what I do but I was like I feel like yeah there's like a little bit more so I was like this is the idea that I had but I'm excited I where it will lead me again like I it's always good to talk I feel like the beautiful thing about like anything you do in nursing is that wherever you go in the world too is that everyone knows what you do like you're like You know what I mean? Like it's a universal thing So you like I was just like yeah, like this is what I do and they kind of you don't have to explain yourself like you go up to somebody and you're like Yeah, like I work in finance and I look at accounts. They're like what? Wait, what? What do mean? What are you, yeah. Yeah, like, you know what mean? So I feel like it's so cool that even like how, again, like you can go into any area of nursing, it could be like aesthetics, it could be, you know, just like an IV infusion nurse, could be dialysis. And like, you don't even have to explain yourself. You're just like, I'm a nurse. This is what I do. Exactly. You're just like, wait a minute, you had that same experience too? wait, I got a story for you. So, I mean, and you've kind of touched on this, you know, I'm kind of working my way through her awesome little topics that we've got here too, but you've kind of touched on this. But what more do you want to say? Because this leads right into that continuing of your education and lifelong learning. Yeah, so for like the life long learning, I guess, like again, like even if you're content and you're just even surrounded because again, like nursing is a career that it kind of just moves a lot of people go in different directions and that's the beauty of it. Just make of what you have, I think, like on your unit as well or just even not even on your unit, but even in your workplace. It's like there are ways that you can teach yourself like it like maybe somebody will be like, hey, like, do you want to try like managing or like, is it a charge nurse? Like there's different skills to learn within your own workplace. And even if it seems like a small thing, it's like, can you be a champion for, I don't know, like everyone's like, be a champion for something. And it kind of sucks because like, then it's like, dang, like we're going to have to hear from her again, go around with the clipboard like wash your hands everyone. You know, you're like, God. But like, there's like stuff to be learned. I think like you learn, you, you begin to, it's like how you kind of like grow your circle of friends or like you begin to make those connections with different people in different departments. And it's this whole idea of like, you not only learn for yourself, but it's also like learning different personalities and learning different people and working. And I think that is kind of like something too, like it's being a lifelong learning. You just don't want to be like... You can go to work. I'm not going to dismiss that. You can go to work and just do your job. medicine is also innovating. So the idea to me is like, you just have to like, at least be up to date with things. Be like, yeah, like I did learn about that. like, be like, maybe, you know, like if a policy is changing, like that's even like learning why a policy is changing. Just don't like accept that face value. You're like, what are we doing differently and why? Like what, you don't need to go look up the article, but it's the understanding of like, you kind of have to be like your patient, advocate. for yourself in that way of being able to say, I wait a minute we're making a change but something's not clicking with me like why are we making that change so like let me understand that and I think you know like just little things like that along the way too because the last thing you want to do is just be stagnant and like not know anything and then everyone's like okay like you're the most senior person and you don't seem to care because that translates into other ways too it's like no they do care it's they just don't it's just hard you know what mean like it does get all that it's all that mismatch of thing but yeah. And I'm glad you used that word stagnant, because that's what came to my mind while you were talking, is that vision of, right, you have that lake that just has water flowing into it and then it dies there. Like that's like the Dead Sea, right? That's essentially, as I understand, that's why the Dead Sea exists. It doesn't have water flowing back out. And the idea is that you're constantly accepting, you keeping that open mind you talked about, allowing those new thoughts, new ideas, new evidence. to flow into your body of practice, that's the lake, and then you pass that on to others and others will see that in you. While on the flip side, the other thing I wanna make sure that gets spoken to, like you said, yeah, you can just go in, clock in, do your job and clock out. Man, that's one of the hardest things to do as a nurse, we already know that. But the idea that you're never going to be just a bedside nurse. For anyone that's not like, well, that's nice you're talking to a nurse practitioner, if she's getting her nurse practitioner, I don't wanna do that. Great, don't do it. I don't either. You know what mean? Like, different strokes for different folks. don't know. There's so many different cliches we could say to say that, right? Yeah. Exactly. I again, like I again, it just works for you. Like honestly, and again, the beauty of nursing, you don't want to do that. There is a nursing job for you and like somewhere in the universe for you. And, and, this just popped into this little blonde brain too. But if you don't want to do that role and you're like, well, but I probably should, you like you said earlier, because everybody else is doing it. What you're doing is you're robbing someone else who has a passion for that role to do that role. So find your, find your niche. Where's your niche? Find it. But don't, you know, and if you have to occupy something that isn't, you know, you're like, well, I know I don't want to be here forever. Great. Be the best version of you in that role that you can be. But in the meantime, Don't just settle for the spot that you don't want to be in because somebody wants that spot. So in the meantime, keep your eyes open, keep the open mind and look for the spot that you want to go in. Exactly. And again, like that just it doesn't go without saying again, you're gonna have to do some work. Like I think people forget about that. They see all these people in these like really cool positions are like, they're like, wow, like they did it, they made it. And it's like, not without a little work. If every if it was so easy, everyone would be doing and I promise. Yeah. you got the massive iceberg above the water, but it's just the tip. And it's like, here's all the, here's all you see the success that quote unquote I have, whoever. But here's everything underneath it that had to make it, that had to form that iceberg, so. it's like the little ducks you see like now springs coming around. It's like a duck and it's just like calm on the surface and then its little feet are going all over the place. over the place, that work to get from point A to point B. And thank you for bringing that up, because that's another thing too, because you'll hear nurses, again, nursing students will be your number one advocate here, but you gotta do your part. Don't show up and just expect it to be handed to you, because nothing in life is handed to you, let alone in nursing, my gosh. Unless it's a catheter and someone's helping you, that'll be handed to you. So. Maliah, then I just cruising right along because I think we're going to make it through your list. I'm so excited. But this one in particular. just for like topics. was like, we could nix it. I did not mean to give you like, was just like, here are ideas. Like I think, I've, again, I did my homework. I did my homework, Eric. Like I did it. I tried to. I don't wanna. I was like, we could, I'm good. I was like, I'm good. Yeah, no, but what I love again, here's the problem here. Okay, then here's the problem Maliah because the problem is you gave me this is all making the episode by the way you guys the problem Maliah is she gives this list right like I'm just again and she legit over like Communicated the idea that these are things we could talk about we don't have to for like we don't have to follow this Regimented like my list of whatever the problem though with that Maliah was that you gave it to me and I'm like, that's good And I'm like, that's that's better than the first one that's even better. my gosh. So I was like, no, we gotta cover this stuff. We gotta cover this stuff. no, and I mean, we're nearing the end of your second episode here. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. She was like. getting tired, I just feel bad. I feel like this is just turning into Yabba Gag. I need my gold nuggets and I was like, we can give you gold nuggets. I promise the people. that's the time we're only at 28 minutes. So let's talk about... So no, no, this and this one's huge and especially for nursing students and new grads and new nurses. I want you to talk about that topic that you brought up about work-life balance strategies. Like what specifically worked for you? What advice do you have for others? I don't know if I'm like the best person for work. Honestly, like I do have my lazy days. they heard the term rot. Like I love to rot on my couch and like not be bothered. And like some days, you know what I mean? I like to be busy though. I don't know what it is. I don't find myself extroverted, but like, guess like I like to hang out with my friends. but I like, I don't know. Like you find things that you really like in nursing and then you make time for them, for me that is like just having a day scheduled where I'm like, okay, like I'll go on like a hike or like I need to work out. Like if I don't work out, like I know you're a runner, now I learned. But like, if I don't work out, like I'm a mess. Like I'm just like, need those, like I need my serotonin, I need my dopamine, you know what I mean? But I think it's like the scheduling is flexible. like don't... I guess like my biggest thing was like, do not like work a bunch to the point where you're like, I hate my life. You know what I mean? Like that causes burnout and makes resentment. Like dude, like maybe, pick up a, if you need OT, pick up OT, but don't forget like at the end of the day, it's like you, like what do you, if you just like watching movies, like sit on your couch and like just watch a movie. Or if you like to like, you know, I know a bunch of people that are like super crappy. You need to go shopping, go shopping. You know what I mean? Like for me, I just went, okay, I will be honest. I was not at work yesterday. was skiing yesterday. So that's why I was just like, I that's why I was like, I'll text you all this stuff later. So I'm, but yeah, so like for me, like I love being outside and of course, like so cliche, PNW, like I all the things like, you know, outdoors here and so anything active or just activity wise, like just find what brings you joy and what sparks your joy, I guess, and make sure you make time for that. I again, like I had friends Like I have a friend that love her to death and she was awesome. Like we were a text together. She kind of got me into like Arrowhead and like became like a nursing tech, but like just totally burnt herself out. And then she worked at Mayo. She's going to be like, what the heck were you talking about? She's like, like, I, I'm like, I, I always go back. Cause like she has, she is so smart too. And then she just needed a break and like, she did what she needed to do. She went and traveled. She worked at the prison up in San Quentin. But like just stuff like that. Like I think about that, like she just had. to totally like do what's good for her and like find that balance. She's like, I do enjoy an ICU, but she's like, I was like, she is just like, it was hard because like, I feel like she just like, didn't find like things to kind of balance that out. She was like, well, I just want to work. And I was like, okay, but like there is more, you know what I mean? And I think that's where you have to just make that decision for yourself too. Like how much you can handle on your plate. again, like. You don't, just because other people are doing things does not mean you have to be doing things. Do what works for you. So like if you want to work again like five days in a row and only have a day off, yes, do that. And if you can manage that. But yeah, like everyone's schedule looks different. I think you just, yeah, do what you got to do. And I love that, you know, that part of, I always tell my students, don't lose the art of reflection. It's not just a paper. It's not just an assignment. It's not just something that nursing instructors are asking you to do. Cause like you're saying, you're constantly reflecting, maybe on the shift, you know what mean? On that day, okay, was I that good? Was I actually that bad? Was that, you know what I mean? Did that thing that really, that that happened, how much of that was on me? How much of that was something I couldn't control? You know and maybe it's the kind of the more macro where you're like, yeah, okay I've got to pick up these over time. You know what mean? I gotta do it, but then you need to constantly check in Okay, but wait, how am I doing this week? How am I doing after this week? Am I starting to get a little you know what I mean? Like no, no, no, I feel like I'm okay Yeah, that whole thing like like the idea, like I could feel it. Like, you know, when you're at work and then you're like, or like, even if you're like with a friend, I guess to put it in basic words and like this friend, you're like, it's starting to talk to you you're just like annoyed. You're like, you're acting like a sibling and you're like, need space. even like, cause like even like I, again, like you've seen, like there's a bunch of things about like calling off and stuff, but I was like, if you begin to realize you're getting so jaded and you're just so upset and you just need a day and you're like, I have two more on or like I have a day when I have to be there like for another day. Again, it's that idea and I think it's like understanding and like being okay with that as well. You know what I mean? And I don't know, like yeah, just the thing about reflection. I like the idea of reflection, but like, I don't know, I think of it kind of differently. Like you don't want to bring your, you know, everyone is always like when you walk through those hospital doors, you have to stop and like your personal life is there and then you're in the hospital and then you come out of the hospital and like you have to compartmentalize, I guess is the best word. as like a nurse and so I think like reflection is like honestly for me is like the best way to like understand like okay like that wasn't in my control or like you know and then like maybe you can go back and like chat with someone and you're not gonna dwell on it though the idea isn't that you're like you're spiraling and you're like my god like you know you Like oh no, like I could have done this better So I think it is good to do reflection and then again like you don't want to dwell on that but then at the same time like Making sure that like yeah, like some stuff. I don't know like you carry your emotional stuff But like yeah, like you it's weird to say like you don't want to compartmentalize but you kind of have to because you don't want like your Stuff like your personal stuff coming in and that's again like the reflection parts like maybe this isn't a good day that I come here like maybe it's not a good day that I have to be in a room with a patient that's on hospice today. You know what I mean? I think it's understanding that and also knowing that and doing some introspective work to make sure that you're okay to also take care of others. Because at the end of the day, how do you take care of others if you're not taking care of yourself? For sure, for sure. You can't pour out of an empty glass. There's that old saying, right? Like you can try. Nothing's coming out. Oh man, Maliah. No, I just love the fact that I love sitting down and talking with you. Like this, I'm so glad that name drop alert, Christie, Christie put us together. So no, and I, like again, every time I come away from this, like I'm like, man, I don't, I've known you for about an hour and 20 minutes now. enough for two episodes apparently. But it's enough to also like, like I'm recharged. I had a crazy morning, all the things, whatever. I was looking forward to this. I'm like, I know that I'm going to walk away from this feeling like amazing. And it is, I don't know, like my wife and I talk about. that what you're doing though, like I honestly think it's so cool. Cause like to talk with other people that you don't even know, even your co- I heard like the one, think with your coworker recently and everything, like I was just like, that is so cool that you, you know I mean? And I don't know. It's just interesting. I enjoy like talking to people and just like listening to what they have to say. Cause like everything you learn, it's almost like a new perspective. Like, I don't know, like I was like, I'm like skiing yesterday. I was like totally concentrated on going down this one route. We were in the trees and then my, like my friend is like, no, just exit over there. like the exits over there, like where you going? I'm like, yeah. yeah. And that's, and I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are, like all of us, and this can be, I'm not gonna get esoteric and talk about humanity at large, but it is applicable there too. But even like us nurses and nursing students and all the things, we're a mosaic. You are like this, you've just got these little bits of other people you've come across, other people you've interacted with. Like I am now going to like, I have been bettered by our conversation, Maliah, by knowing you now, I genuinely can say, man, I feel like a better person. And there's just like, oh yeah, and she had this amazing point. That's now a part of me, you know what mean? And that goes with me now until the day I die. legitimately, that's, you know what I mean? I am this, not saying how old I am, you know, we're in our advanced, you know, at least thirties. Thank you, that's what I'm talking about. We don't do the math when we talk about how old our kids are, but the point is, all that time though, every person you're interacting with, I'm a conglomerate of these people, for better and for worse, you know what I mean? And so take those things and try and focus on the positive and take the positive, but I just can't thank you enough. where I was going, my wife was, we were talking about therapy, right? And I've had multiple, multiple honored guests. It's like with mental health. man, everybody needs a therapist. Find a therapist, get a therapist. It may not be easy, it may be hard, whatever the case may be. And I'm gonna have to put my money where my mouth is at some point, probably literally. But until then, like I'm like, cause I'm like, I had bad experiences with therapy as a child growing up and I have to get over that. Open-minded, remaining open-minded per, know, Maliah, Doctor in 101. But that idea that I'm like, but then I just realized not that this replaces any genuine therapy, anyone out there, but this is a form of therapy for me. Like running, like you talk about working out, know what mean? And staying sane and needing those endorphins. For me, it's like, man, I get to sit down with an amazing human being who I've never met and we get to talk. We get to talk about nursing, we get to talk about life, we get to laugh, we get to maybe cry, you who knows depending on the person. And I just, cannot thank you enough for taking that time to do this. All this, I'm like babbling, babbling, babbling, and we still got our regular closing. questions. So Maliah, you chose three words to describe nursing school. What were they and why did you pick All right, I will go, let's see. I think I said, I said memorable. I honestly, nursing school, I moved to that. I moved to the Inland Empire. San Bernardino didn't know a single person and I went through COVID. So that was also like a weird, like everything was online, but like my clinic was, I literally slept on two of my friends' like apartment floor. It was so weird. They saw me like Cloroxing an Apple once and they were like during COVID, cause nobody would do what they were doing. And they're like, what are you doing? And I was like. I was standing there with my Clorox wipe and my apple and I'm I'm Cloroxing COVID away. What do you think? Yeah. They were like, no, you need to wash that again with soap and water. gosh. I think back like even just how I started like not knowing anyone and then like just building those bonds with people and then I Didn't really I I was going everywhere I should like they tell you like nursing school is stressful But like the way my friend and I we just like on her like little Yaris or like my car and like just drove all over like Southern California And just study that coffee shops were like, yeah, like we got into this habit of like going on a hike and then going to a coffee shop So we that's what like we did we were like, yeah you choose like the three months and then I'll choose the coffee shop in that area. And that's like what we did and we would sit, like I could not sit for like four, like she would sit for like six hours. I would just have to like stand there and pretend like I'm studying at some level. And then be like, yeah, like, are we ready to go home? Like, are we ready to go to Joe's? got some grocery shopping I gotta do. So very memorable, again, like loved nursing school. then frustrating, I think frustrating was the idea of like all my nursing professors. I don't know, like you're a clinical instructor, but like specifically my professors that I've been teaching always were like, it's going to work out. Like you just have to go with the punches. And like, as a student, that was like annoying because it's like, where are we doing? Like COVID was so annoying with that too. It's like, are my clinicals in person? Are they not? And they're like, you just have to do this. It's like, this is how it is in nursing. Like you kind of just go by the seat of your pants. like this sounds awful. Like if this is nursing I want no more no more part of this just work with it. Like whatever they give you, like you're just, and I think the idea too is like they now nursing, again, very competitive and like you need experience. So these nursing residency programs, like my friend like applied to like a bunch in Southern California, like a bunch of my friends did, and they specifically inpatient and they didn't get a single one. So they had to start at like Arrowhead or like, you know what I mean? Like the, they're so competitive. Like they only have like two spots on like L and D. It's like, we only accept like, we have like 60 part, applicants, but we can only we only have the budget to train like three. So that was it. So it's like that's to me is like frustrating. I got lucky. I knew I was going to a VA. So I was like, like that was just like super frustrating. I think like the unknown was frustrating for somebody like you want to be like type A, like I need to know what I'm doing. And so like as a young person, that was just like super hard to deal with. And then hard work again, you got to hustle. I just remember just putting in hours, you Some people got jobs, some people had families in nursing school, like bless their hearts. But yeah, just I'm all about the hard work. You got to put in some like grunt work and then you'll see the results, but you got to be patient. And I love the way you phrased it earlier in that, you you're going to get out of it what you put into it, right? Like you've maybe heard that before. It's it's cliche, it's whatever, but it's true. You're going to get out of it what you put into it. You can try and coast whatever that definition of coasting through nursing school is. I don't know how that's a thing, but you can do the minimum. can know when you're doing the minimum and you're going to get the minimum out of it. You know what I mean? Like that's, it's the hardest shifts I've had, the hardest times I've had. That's where I get the most out of my career. and out of my life, you know what mean? I'm like, ah, the times you don't wanna go to wherever, to that appointment or that sermon, that church, that whatever, that service, that's the word I was looking for. I'm like, oh man, I'm like, what is that? That church, that the service. No, but those times where you know there's something that's gonna be good for you, you fill in the blank for whatever that is, that run, that workout. that whatever in the morning and you're like, no, I don't want to do that. But when you do, that's often when you feel the most rewarded and you're like, okay, that's why I had to do it. exactly, you're like, my god, yay, i feel so much better, i wonder why, cuz i have like a bunch of endorphins in it, you know what mean? you're like, dopamine, like i forgot what you felt like, like... and you'd think that you would learn from that. You'd think that you go, okay, no, next time it'll be better. No, next time it's the same thing. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it. Okay, so I'd be remiss if I don't say the word one more time, Maliah, but we have gone through two episodes now and you have unified many concepts, many, discussions, but for some reason, someone just got turned off by that weird first intro and then even the weirder second intro. and they skipped all the way to now. You have one piece of advice. want someone, whether it be a nursing student or a nurse, and it can be the same, it can be different. You have that one piece of advice you want them to walk away with. What would that be, whether you've covered it or not? piece of advice, keep an open mind and always keep trying, keep working at it. Yeah. Yeah. Ugh! I love it. Maliah, thank you so much for your time today. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day off. You too, I hope you have a great run. I hope so too.