121 - Tracey Zehm (Sheppard) Pt 2: …And Other Times Know Your Limits

Continue with tenured nurse, host Eric’s nursing school classmate, and Nine Mile Falls, Washington native Honored Guest Tracey Zehm as she reminisces about memories from nursing school (both fond and difficult), her NCLEX experience, her nursing career path, one of the first times she called a doctor in the middle of the night, not having to work in the hospital, applying for an FNP program, and more!

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Transcript

0:00

And welcome back to the second episode of the Tracey Sheppard slash Zehm experience of the Feeding Our Young podcast. ah So yeah, unprompted karaoke. I'll say it again. I'll say it again. You did. I don't know why you're in nursing. This is ridiculous. uh I'm going to tell you right now, you're more bold than I. I know nobody wants to hear this guy. I've given up caring where people think and lie. It really is. You've got enough work to care about, like the things you have to care about in life. Why carry the extra load, right? my gosh. No. So those that don't know the tradition here, if you're just jumping into Tracey's episode, some may be tempted to like when they're listening to the second episode, skip past the intro because quote unquote, you've heard it already. No, you haven't. Trust me. So most two-parters, not all, but most two-parters do something silly on their second one. Please listen to the entire intro, it's fantastic, and especially Tracey's goodness, you'll be like, why are you a nurse lady, this is insane! I mean, probably would give Taylor Swift a run for her money. Uh-huh. But... But I'll stick with nursing for now. Might as well, we put a lot of effort into it. So, speaking of effort, we put into nursing and learning. So, those that are just catching the second episode, Tracey and I, met in prerequisites for nursing school, were part of the same nursing school class, which actually, again, I think in the first episode, you know, I hinted on, was so glad that- you took your time figuring it out, because otherwise I'd never know you, right? Like there's all that, like, I love the people that I've met all the way along in life. And yeah, things would have been different if you're in a different cohort or for those that unfortunately maybe fail and have to enter a different cohort. We've had honored guests that have talked about that. And that's an entirely different feeling. And so there's no, I'm not trying to shame anybody in that regards. What I'm trying to say is, like my story, for example, know, uh Micah dying. after my wife and I, our first son had died shortly after we moved here to Spokane. I got into that in detail in a different episode. I'm not rehashing it here. But what that caused in us is then, of course, I was like, like you, you know, sometimes you just have to push through, right? You just got to do it. And I'm like, I had already been when the accident happened, I was accepted to the first anatomy and physiology class. And and I had a scholarship through Spokane Falls Community College. I had to go to the falls. So here in Spokane, we have They were formerly called the community colleges of Spokane. Now they're just called Spokane colleges, I think. They did a rebrand. Yeah, they did a rebrand this year. But Spokane falls, a community college, and then there's Spokane community college. And they were sister community colleges, so you could take credits from one and they transferred to the other. And the wait list for anatomy and physiology down at SCC was ridiculous. But I was able to get into SFCC, which was still hard to do. Mm-hmm. because I did that and then the accident happened, our son dies, right? It's a no brainer. You pause everything. No, I'm like, I can't give up this spot. can't give up this, you know, we were young and no money and all of the things. So like, can't give up the scholarship. Like I have to go. I'm going to do it. I'll be okay. We're I've got support and my wife and all the things and we're going to. So I go to the first day of class and he's covering what's going to be in in that quarter. And sure enough, like one of the first, I think, topics, one of the first systems we're covering is the nervous system. My son had died from a traumatic brain injury. And I'm like, hmm, yeah, OK, I don't know about this. And he kept talking about all the things and all that was going to be required. And I went, yeah, I'm going to have to take a break. don't like and not giving up on the idea of being a nurse in any way, shape or form, but definitely like, holy crap, like, what do we? I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, but it's not right now. So I'll never forget, probably doctor, I don't know, Gary Brady. Man, that man was amazing. And yeah, so I go to him after class and I said, hey, I just got in your class and here's what happened. And I'm like trying not to cry and telling him all the things that I'm like, I was gonna do this. I knew I could do this and definitely not. I can't now. And he's like, that's okay. I understand. Take care of yourself. He doesn't know me from anybody at this point. And so that was it. And I had fully figured that it was going to delay me a very long time and all the things and that. But anyway, shortly thereafter, the community college sent me a letter. said, hey, you have some very extenuating circumstances. We want you to know that, A, we're going to keep your spot in anatomy and physiology. When you're ready, you have a spot open. And B, you get your scholarship when you come back. oh, it was so incredible. And I just like I broke down in tears. I remember talking to my wife and we were just like, my gosh. So and they said there's no timetable. You know, I mean, obviously we're not gonna, you know, sit on that for years, but ah six months, it was all of six months. And so I had a delay of six months. So then it was weird because then until, you know, as we're first starting, I'm like, man, you know, I'm delayed by six months and I can't, you know I mean? I could be six months further and six months closer to being done. And then I met all you guys, you know what I We all met each other and it's like, no, this is where I needed to be. And so to this day, I can never say that I'm grateful for the accident, but some of the things that came because of that, I'm very, grateful for. So that was weird. That was a direction I wasn't expecting an opening this episode with, but that is that serendipity of, feel like, you know what I mean? Like the people you meet, the people you're with, there's a reason for that. And I love when things like that happen. So glad you delayed. Not glad I had an accident, but glad I delayed. And here we are. And now we get to think of some memories. Do you have any like fond, I've got a couple off the top of my brain. What are a couple of like your fond memories or difficult memories from our time together in nursing school? Well, I distinctly remember like the quarter where we were doing, we had mother-baby like half the quarter and then the other half was so was, oh sorry, OB and Psych, yes. Yeah. and like all of us just were really struggling in that psych piece. I mean, don't, I don't know. was like almost made, me in. just remember thinking, like we, I remember us all like, you know, sharing stories about the tests and we were just crazy hard, but yeah. But the OB side was just so much fun and so enjoyable. So. Hmm? It was just kind of like star contrast those two that quarter just those two different I don't know teachers Yeah I'll tell you what right now, I'm gonna piggyback off of that, because what I remember distinctly from that, my wife was pregnant with our third child, our first daughter, and she was gonna deliver during that quarter. And so, yeah, so I don't remember her name off the top of my head. Even if I did, I probably, we'll go without saying names, but there were two main psych instructors. one of which everybody loved and the other one had been there for a very long time. And that's how I'm gonna phrase that. And so I had, was in class with the one that quote unquote everybody loved. And I went to her after like the OB was done. I'm like, look, I'm really worried because during psych, I'm gonna already miss a week because of the holidays, right? We only had X number of clinicals we had to do or were able to do. And I'm like, I'm gonna miss a week or something because we're gonna have a baby. And she's like, don't worry, I got you covered. I'll have you in my group and you'll be fine. Oh, I can't tell you Tracey, that was such a weight off my shoulders leaving that class. I was like, yes. And I, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know if you remember. So I get home to, yes, ladies and gentlemen, a phone message. They had those things back then from the other instructor whose name I distinctly remember. And she said, so, Eric, I heard you talk to so and so about being in their class. And I said, no, no, no, you were gonna be in mine. Don't worry, we'll make it work. but you're gonna be with me. Okay, great, awesome. And what I had to do, Tracey, to make up that shift, I had to work with her on her job on evening shift, one on one, on the psych unit. And I was like, I was so terrified! Like, I was like... It's hard enough when you have the buffer of other students with you, but I'm like, one-on-one, are you kidding me right now? And it ended up being great. Like, by the time it was all done and all the things, and she was like, if you want a job here, you let me know and I'll make sure that they... And I was like, thanks? No, thank you. ah But it worked out. So that's my memory of that quarter. do remember my... So I was placed out at the forensic unit and like, you know, just brand new little baby nurse, not even a real nurse yet. And I just thought, this is so cool. I'm And we get there and they tell us, we're gonna have you guys just look through the charts and you're gonna pick a patient and you're gonna look through the chart and see what their diagnosis is. And I remember picking this patient and I'm looking at the chart and I'm like, oh my gosh, he had taken an ax to his And uh the father found the remains. Mm-hmm. I just remember sitting there in complete horror, like, how am I supposed to go approach this patient? How am I supposed to take care of this patient? He's an axe murderer. Like literally. And so, yeah, that was a huge eye opener for me. Now he was very well medicated and not nearly as, you know, was well under control. But man, that was uh kind of my first experience with psych. it's crazy the things that come to mind, because as we're talking, I'm like, my gosh, I was like, yes, I'm so glad that you shared that. But I remember, because we were all like, those of us that had, because I had like the adolescent psych unit, at the hospital. So those of us that had the quote unquote boring psych experience, we were like, you guys, you got to do what? And you guys were all like, we were terrified! What are you talking about? And what's funny is now, I mean, I've come full circle, I work part time at the jail. And so I see some crazy stuff and it doesn't really faze me at all now. I'm just like, oh man. Here comes another crazy story. And like my husband and kids, they just love when I come home and give them stories, you know, from what did I see today at the jail? But, yeah. thing too is I tell people after having been in the job long enough, you haven't seen everything. You can never see everything, but nothing necessarily surprises you anymore. And yet you just get these and you're like, oh, that's a new one. Cool. All right, let's go. Yeah, that's amazing. ah No, so another one of my fond memories was how we all dressed up for Halloween. You remember that? I do. I don't remember why we did that, but we were like, we had a class. We all had to be there like Halloween day. And we said, we're all gonna make like just come in costume. It was so fantastic. I'm actually surprised in world to pull that all off. I am too, I can't imagine. I wonder if that's still a thing. So yeah, we'll just say that, know, times are a little more PC now than they were, let's say, when we were in school back then. And I may or may not have been, you know, let's just say alter, you know, we talk about Tracey Sheppard and her alter ego, Tracey Zim. Let's just say Erica Miller came to play that day. Yeah, it was, but we have some very interesting, I mean, Do you remember Jake's costume? He was a, first of all, he's a giant of a man. The guy was just, I mean, big teddy bear, huge heart. He was the one that would always call me. He'd be like, thanks Captain Obvious, because I had this habit of saying like what everybody already knew and he'd be like, great Captain Obvious. I'm like, that's how I remember Jake. But no, so Jake was this giant like a syringe. I don't even know how he made, it was almost like a giant round shower curtain that he put over himself. And the drug name was ibuprofen. I be pokin, I be pokin is what it was written down the side of it. He had like this giant needle on his head. And then there was, my gosh, the four or five gals that hung out together all the time. I just, but anyway, gangrene, remember gangrene? Oh, okay, you'll have to go back. I'll send you the picture. I got the picture from that one. They all show up in like green, like, they got like do rags and all the things. And there were five of them and like, G R. E N E like these blinged out necklaces so they were gang green. That was Leann and all of them. Yeah, my gosh. What are any other memories from our time together? Well, I do remember when we graduated, and I don't even know where we all were, but we were at somebody's house having like an after party and we burned our nursing uniforms and it felt liberating. We've got the picture. I told that story to someone, some honored guest in the podcast. And they were like, you know, well, and it came out, they said something about like donating your scrubs. And I was like, yeah, that probably would have been better. But no, it was so liberating. Those blues. Oh, I know there's worse colors of uniforms to have, it's right. You're going to some of the worst experiences of your life. even really like wearing navy blue scrubs. Like, I have a real hard time. I don't think I even own a pair of navy blue scrubs. Just can't do it. man, going back to that other instructor too, there was an instructor and I think it was the same one, but there was a certain instructor, I don't know if you remember, had a reputation for like, didn't like guys, didn't like males in nursing because she was that old school. And so there was rumors that she was like weeding guys out and none of us, I was like, you I'm an optimist and I was like, that can't be, you know, being a male nurse, obviously I'd be interested in. preserving myself there, but I was like, no, there's no way until there was one time we were had to do a it was like a Med test or something and she wouldn't allow us to use calculators. It was not allowed that's cheating and I don't remember it was kind of in our clinical group or something cuz there's only like eight or seven of us at the time and uh There was another gentleman in the group and I was like, my gosh Like she reamed him up one side and down the other for something petty Was this one of our early on instructors? Okay, I know what we're talking about now. yeah, yeah. So it was like, and it was just like, but it's those things you guys, I don't know, maybe you guys experienced that, maybe you don't, people talk about their instructors and. like you're really great instructors, but you also remember you're real bad. And you knew the ones that students before you were like, we hope you don't get them. And yeah, for each subject and for me, that was, I got every last one of them. And I'm not exaggerating. It was like, and I swear to this day, I was like, it's probably cause I'm like class rep or something. And I feel like they're like really testing me or putting me through it harder. Oh, speaking of class rep, do you remember the cardiac test? Do you remember how, oh. It was, and I can't say her name, but the instructor who was not primary, and we loved her for her specialty, but cardiac was not one of them, and we all took the test, and it was like a class average of like 60-something percent. I don't know, and we, it was awful. It was the one time as class rep I had to talk to her about the test, and like, hey, is there any way we can like, you know what I mean? Is there like makeup, is there anything like that? And then she countered with, Well, there's cheating going on in your class. And I'm like, what do mean there's cheating? she's like, I know that there's a, okay guys, again, this is 2005, four, six, somewhere right around there. She's like, there's a burnt CD-ROM going around that has copies of certain tests and this and that, and we know people are using them. And I mean, she went off on me. So then I had to stand up in front of our whole class and be like, hey guys, here were the results of my discussion with them. But on the flip side, here's what I got reamed for, please don't cheat, like it was the most awkward class rep situation I ever had. that's good. That's good. That's good. No, I, but- things that the brain does, you but I do I do remember though what I do remember that like I feel like we're gonna keep kind of circling back to the terrifying or negative things But I loved like we had it. We had it a very eclectic group of people Being in community college, but I feel like for the most part we all kind of got along. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, we had each other's backs and yeah, I mean, I remember getting up early in the mornings riding with Christina to our clinicals and, you know, just kind of like you're in the trenches together. Well, and I loved like as class goes on, you everybody kind of has their spots. I would always, I think for the most part, sit with you and Kara And I'd sit with Larry, you know what I mean? Like, remember that was kind of my bosom buddy in nursing school, because he and I, you know, he was older than I was at that time, because he, if I recall correctly, he was an accountant that decided, I remember him telling me, he's like, I wanted to do something to give something back. Like, I'm tired of sitting behind a desk. I'm tired of dealing with numbers. and he was just an amazing guy. like, yeah, like the, right? Like where is everybody? But I just, the people that you meet, and this comes out in the podcast a lot. Everybody's like, you know, one of the questions that some people love to answer is, you know, what's one of your favorite things about nursing school? And a lot of the same answers come back as like the camaraderie, right? Like, and that's why we're here. Like, I'm just like, we're 18 years later and it feels like it was yesterday, even though was a lifetime ago. Mm-hmm. ah Tracey, thank you for like, I don't know, I think I did most of talking on that, but Memory Lane, you know what I mean? Like, it's so fun, it's so fun. It's more fun now, I think, because we're done with it. It wasn't necessarily fun at the time, I don't know. ah So with that, and who knows, maybe some more memories will crop back in there, but I'm glad you brought up the scrub burning thing, because man. That was, it was, it was so liberating, like, we're done. Well, even though we hadn't taken the NCLEX yet at that time. And so that was the whole other, do you remember our study group for the NCLEX too? That was, yeah. taking the NCLEX and like it didn't cut off like at the smallest number, but it didn't go to the highest number either. It just kind of stopped, you know, in this random number. And I remember just like my, I held my breath and I'm like, my gosh, I just failed that. And I like went to a bar all by myself that night. Cause I was so depressed. was convinced I failed it. And I ended up passing it by the grace of God. I, you you don't find out for a while back then. I don't know if that's still how it is now, but I just remember getting that email that I had passed and I was just bawling like, ah, finally I can just breathe, you know? This is what I tell people, would you agree with this statement Tracey, that it is the one test designed in all the earth that you have to be incredibly, I don't want to say intelligent, obviously it's critical thinking, right? But it's the one test that even if you pass, well, I mean most of us pass, when you pass, it makes you feel like the stupidest person alive. Yes, and the questions are designed for like, for you to question yourself constantly. I mean, there's more than one right answer. You have to choose the most right answer. So yeah, it's just, you leave there feeling like, wow, I worked this hard to get here and I just failed. I don't know if you remember, so there was a group of about 10 or 12 people that ended up kind of scheduled around the same time, same day, right? And so you have to go to this, we called it the fortress, right? You go in, gotta, everything, everything's short of a pat down, right? You gotta put your wallet, your purse, and all these things in the lockers. Anyway, long story short, we all take this test. So we're sitting in a bunch of our cohort are sitting in the waiting room, waiting to take this test, waiting for our turns to be called. And one of the gals, I don't remember her name, God bless her to this day, she came in and they said, okay, you needed your, what was it, like an ATT or something, something you printed off and you had to have it with you and it had to be on paper. And she brings it and they're like, we need your ATT. And she's like, my gosh, I forgot it. And they're like, okay, well, and they told us in school, make sure you bring it with you, make sure you bring it with you. and she had forgot it and they're like, well, you can run home and grab it. You got plenty of time before your schedule. Cause she got there early. She's like, no, I live in Cheney, which was like, you know, 20, 30 minutes away. She's like, I don't have time to go all the way back and all the way. She's like, okay, well there is a printer at the hotel across the street or something stupid like that. You can go over there. It's a free printer. You put a pull up on your email, print it out and come back. And she's like, but you don't get it. I don't know my password. They're like, what do you mean? And I mean her anxiety level. was going up and up. It's weird, like, the details of this that I remember, because the rest of us in that waiting room were like, like, our anxiety was already up and it was like, my gosh, my gosh, my gosh. And to this day, I still say that's why there was one member of our, there were a few that didn't pass the NCLEX, and one of them, she tried twice or three times. And she still, she worked as an LPN and has an amazing career and all the things. But to this day, I think that's why, because she had increased test anxiety and then that happened on top of it. And it just was, oh, it was awful. It was awful. my gosh. I definitely would never take that again. uh with the memory lane stuff, although I guess the rest is still memory lane. So you graduate from nursing school, Tracey. Tell us about your nursing career. What are all the amazing things you've done? Because you didn't go to jail right after passing the NCLEX. gosh, I've seen so many realms of nursing over my almost what, 20 year career. So right out of nursing school, I started in the ICU at Valley Hospital. had a program where they were hiring new nurses and they wanted to train us to be, know, we no bad habits, we were just starting fresh. And so started in the ICU as a baby nurse. And man was that tough. For one, I learned real quick that I'm not a night nurse. yeah, was, was a, sounded like a heavenly schedule. It was three on one off, three on seven off. But I just like, I didn't see my son for a week at a time. It was brutal. And I remember like being so green and calling this doctor in the middle of the night and he just chewed me up and spit me out. So, I mean, it was definitely a huge learning experience starting out in a specialty like the ICU right out of nursing school. I did that for about a year and then I was pregnant with my daughter. So I was just really struggling, even staying awake at night, having a little kid when my son was four and I was pregnant with my daughter and just could not maintain that schedule. And there really was no chance of me moving today. It's like the coveted day position that Most nurses do not get right out of nursing school. So I had gotten my LPN license while we were in nursing school so that I could start working and learning meds so that when I took the NCLEX, I would have a little bit of knowledge in regards to medications, which I still think was very valuable to this day. But I worked at a long-term care facility. And so I went back there after working in the ICU. and worked there until after my daughter was born and really enjoyed it overall. They actually promoted me to be a director of nursing. So when my kids were young, I did director of nursing for a while. was the youngest director of nursing for the company. And I actually worked in Idaho at a facility that was just starting opening a vent unit. So as a brand new director of nursing, I helped to open the vent unit at this facility. Um, so learned a lot there, uh, did management for, gosh, like four or five years. And then I just realized like, I'm missing so much time with my kids. Like I have to either choose career and continue to climb that ladder or I need to choose my kids. And so I demoted myself. I took a self-demotion and I ended up taking a job at Providence with the congenital heart team. where I was the RN coordinator. And at this point, like I didn't know anything about cardiac or congenital heart or anything. So the physicians there were so amazing. Like they just loved to teach and I loved to learn. And so just started learning that kind of specialty. And I ended up taking the position as the RN coordinator for the adult congenital program. And at that time we were starting a program called the patch program. which is, em have you heard of the PATCH program? okay, okay, so I was the RN coordinator that helped get that started and it's an accredited program now. And with that came the role of education. I had to put together like a whole education session for the cardiac nurses on the floors and teach them about adult congenital heart disease, because obviously those patients... we're gonna treat them differently than a patient with regular heart disease. They have a lot of different things going on. So did that, learned that specialty for six years. Really liked it, but it was hard, because a lot of our patients required transplants. And not just a heart transplant, they required heart lung, which we don't do here in Spokane. So they would end up either passing on, or maybe Seattle might take them. uh a big risk. And so it was really kind of hard. You'd get to know these patients and then a lot of them wouldn't live past their 30s. So ended up from there, I went to Providence Infusion, which is where I'm at now and love that. I mean, we manage all the PICC lines, ports. We're managing all the TPN, all the antibiotics. We have a lot of milrinone patients, which are heart failure patients that are on. know we're known for life. So we get to know our patients really, really well. And I don't mind driving around. We actually do a lot of infusions in the home. We do have an infusion center, but I prefer to be out and about. And then because I love to travel so much, I work part-time at the jail. And I also work, sorry, go ahead. How does that come into play? I hear the natural progression of your career thus far, and then all of sudden we're like, I'm also doing the jail. Why? How? know, I was just kind of like looking for a part-time gig. That's one thing with nursing is there's always jobs, right? I was just looking for a part-time gig where I didn't have to make a commitment to 20 hours a week or whatever. Some places require you to pick up one or two shifts a week and the jail just isn't like that. just, you know, they have the open shifts. You can choose to pick up five in a week or none, or, you know, they do like you to pick up two shifts a month. And so, I just remember thinking like, huh, well I wonder what that would be like. And so I applied. They were obviously desperate for nurses at that point. em But they pay really well and it's a completely different side of nursing for sure. But yeah, mean, it's quite the contrast. At infusion your patients appreciate you and they just. love that you're there for them and at the jail those people do not appreciate you they would just assume spit in your face because you know you're not their friend so it's definitely a completely different world but I enjoy it it gives me you know kind of a change up of my routine. Absolutely yes. A lot of variety. I love what you're talking about, it's kind of interesting, because in that first episode, you talk about, you know what I mean? Well, how did you get through nursing school with a young child? yeah, and go back and listen to what she's talking about there. But you talk about sometimes you just have to go through it. You just do it. You just get it done. And yet in this one, you're talking more about, you almost have to know your limits, right? You're going very early on, I'm pregnant, night shift, ICU. I can't just, you know what I mean? It's okay to say I can't just power through something ah because you do reach limits that you're like, okay, it's costing me too much, whether it's your health or going down the road like you're saying, I'm missing too much time for my kids. If it costs too much, you realize, okay, it's not failure to say I need to make a pivot. That's what makes nursing so amazing. It's not a failure to have to do that. ah feel like, you know, a lot of times in nursing school, at least when we were going through nursing school, the drive they really, you know, the drive was you're going to work in the hospital, you're going to work in the hospital. And that's kind of where most of our clinicals were. I think they do it differently now, which I think is great. New nurses are getting to see there's more to nursing than just the hospital. And having to accept that, like for me as early on in my career because I started in the ICU and it's like, no, I have to be in the hospital. I have to work in the hospital. This is what I'm designed to do. And no, I mean, there's been so many different outlets or venues of nursing that I've been able to travel down throughout my career. the hospital to me just wasn't my forte. So, and it's not for everybody. So, and that's okay. That's okay. I don't think the hospital's for a lot of people in general. I jokingly tell my families, I'm like, it doesn't matter whether you're here to have a baby, which is a generally happy event, or you're here because you're sick, or you're here because you work here. Everybody wants to get out. So it's, and no offense to my employers, I'm just saying. Like, you know, you're like, I'm here, I'm gonna help somebody, or I'm there to have a baby, or I'm there to get better, and then I want to get home. So. So two last questions in my brain before we close with the usual ending questions Tracey. And so we've kind of talked about up to where you're at now and you touched on the fact that you got the second wild hare, two wild hares, and you're going for your NP. So what's the goal there? Do you have a vision in mind? What's the end goal? Getting your FNP. Well, I'm actually really surprised that I have opted to try and do this, because like I said, my brain mentally was like, okay, I've reached my goal, I'm never going back to school. But I just kind of feel like there's more for me. And you know, I'm not really sure what that looks like. I love being a nurse, but I feel like I have more to offer my patients. And so I'm really looking forward to seeing like the FNP route, seeing all the different. em kinds of ways I could utilize that degree. I really am interested in women's health so I'm kind of leaning towards that route but I'm not opposed to seeing other things as well. I think it'd be amazing to have my own practice someday but obviously that's many moons down the road. but this is just kind of the first step. I don't even know if I've been accepted into that effort. So I just I just applied the application deadline was April 1st and so now I just wait right and see I Know it's like what are they gonna tell me either way? oh Yeah, I just feel like um I've kind of I mean I love infusion, but it's kind of like okay. I need a new challenge. I'm ready for something new and Where that leads me? I don't know I'm little That's amazing. I cannot wait to find out Tracey. Like I just, seriously, you know what I mean? Like you've had just an amazing career. And I feel like you and I could both say today, if we just, if we walked away, we were financially independent and said we're done, which no nurse can do by the way. I know you'll get old enough and you can retire. I'm not there yet. But I, other than that, no nurse is able to just be like, you know what I mean? Like, nope, I'm satisfied, we're good. Yes. Yeah, that's it. But I mean, if we were to walk away today, like, you know what I mean? Like, that's, to me, that's a success. I don't care if you go into nursing, you last five years and you're like, okay, I'm burnt out, but man, I was able to help a lot of patients. You know, I'm done. That's still a success. So, you know what I mean? Be careful how you measure success. That being said, I'm gonna ask you the last question that's not our standard question, because I loved your answer to it. Who's your hero? That's right, you did ask me that question, didn't you? Well, it was funny because I don't have traditional heroes, some might think, but I always tell my patients, especially the ones that are really going through these hard journeys, whether it's a little kiddo who's fighting cancer or patients that are just constantly in and out of the hospital, and I just see them keep going and not giving up and still. finding the joy in their life. And those are my heroes. Like I complain sometimes about stupid things and then I have to gain perspective, you know? Look at these patients and what they're going through and they still get up and they still fight every single day. And that to me is what a hero is. We don't need to say anything else. No, I got it. Well, let's turn it back around. Let's end it the way we normally do. But no, seriously, thank you for, I had to get that out because I saw your response to that prompt and I was like, yeah, that's Tracey for sure. All right, so three words you use to describe nursing school and why. Okay, we're back there. So we're back there again. So I said Zem ended. Gotta remember what Tracey Sheppard answered. So Tracey's end is picking up from here. Okay, so I said challenging, because honestly nursing school is gonna be the most challenging thing that you will ever endeavor. It will test you mentally, physically, and spiritually. I said rigorous, because there was many late nights and endless tears that I can recall if I haven't blocked out memories. Those are ones you can't block, that's the thing, right? Like, you remember that. And then I said rewarding because honestly, it's the proudest feeling when you graduate from nursing school. Like you walk across that stage and get your diploma and it's like, it's different from other degrees. Cause I mean, I'm not trying to put down another degree, but we have basically been given a degree to care for people. Like we have people's lives in our hands. And so. It's just so rewarding to be trusted with someone's life for people to allow you to care for them. And that's what nursing school will provide in the end. Once you get through all the twists and turns, and honestly, you may not feel that way right off the bat, know? It might take years. it. You said it's rewarding, you know what mean, that piece of paper, you have somebody's life in your hands, but it's like, even in nursing school, some of you may by that point have already seen a lot of life and a lot of death, or some death and everything in between. And that's the thing, that's what distinguishes nursing from other careers, my apologies to other majors, but it really is. And we need the other majors, we need people to do those jobs, but nursing's the best and this is why, this is why. So Tracey, for whatever reason people got confused, they did not want to listen to us rehash old memories or try to come up with things from the way back of our brains. They ignored everything you had to say and they only want to hear, they only want to hear the one takeaway that you have, the one piece of advice you'd have for somebody listening to your episodes. What would that piece be and why? So my one bit of advice is don't quit. Even if it seems impossible, even if you don't pass your boards the first time, even if you start your career and you don't feel like you know enough or you don't enjoy the initial field that you're in, just keep pushing forward. Because the moment when a patient looks at you and thanks you for making a difference in their life, it will all be worth it. Yep, nothing to add, nothing to add. Tracey, you're amazing. Thank you, friend, for taking time out of your morning. oh absolutely. I just, and we, I think once or twice in the 18 years we've talked about having some reunion or something, but nobody puts it together, so we're all like, uh Ha ha ha ha ha! Hold on. representative after all. True story, me hold on. Let me get the list and add reunion to the... We came super close. We came super close. I remember, why did we? Yeah, because Leann had like, there was some, either a friend's bar or her restaurant or something. Anyway, we came super close and then I couldn't do it anymore. Or I think there was only a few people that signed up. I don't know, I don't remember why we couldn't. COVID get infected? I can't remember. I don't know. I think it was a little before COVID, but not too long before, I don't know, maybe that was it. Here we are, trying to remember things. We're done, we're done. We're not gonna try to remember those things. So who cares about the past? Let's just make a reunion happen in the future. That's how we're gonna do it. All right, all right. Tracey, have a great rest of your day. Thank you, friend. You too, Eric. Thank you.