122 - Kylyn Westerman: Nursing Chose Me

Join nurse and Naches, Washington native Honored Guest Kylyn Westerman as she describes being a collector of hobbies, being aggressively average, the question she likes asking her coworkers, how nursing chose her, how she deals with things she sees in the cardiac ICU, censoring herself around non-healthcare friends, navigating the death of her mom, burnout, and more!

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Transcript

0:01

Hello and welcome to this episode of the Feeding Our Young podcast. I am on special location today. Yes, I am recording live from Missoula, Montana. Is my guest from there? No, my guest is back home in Spokane. Why do I gotta get away from my guest today? Who knows? No, the point is the Mrs. and I were like, we are getting away. And I'm like, hmm, I mean, modern technology being what it is, I'm pretty sure the wifi where I'm going is gonna be just fine. Let's take a chance! So thankfully, Kylyn has been very, very flexible with me this morning as we've gotten all the kinks worked out here in my cozy little hotel room. With that, I've already introduced by name our wonderful honored guest for today, which is Kylyn. Kylyn, good morning, how are you? Good morning. I'm good. How are you? I'm good. And I've always wanted to say this and haven't been able to on the podcast yet, but I just want to let you know it's about 9 15 our time here in Montana. I'm a full hour ahead of you. So I just want you to know the next hour goes pretty smooth. I've been through that last hour at 8 15 to 9 15. I've been through it. Nothing weird happens. You might even get some breakfast. Who knows? So you're prepared. Okay. Good, thank you. Oh no, it's an honor to make your acquaintance. I don't want to like chew the fat here. Let's just jump right in because I've seen what you've sent me and I am so excited for you to unpack your story, the highs, the lows and everything in between. So let's just start off with the easy stuff. Who are you? Where are from? Where's home for you? Well, my name is Kylyn, like you said, and I grew up in tiny little Naches, Washington. It's a little bit outside of Yakima. And after bouncing all around the state for a few years, I've found my new home in Spokane. And how long have you called Spokane home? Um, coming up on three years now. Okay, and I have to ask, being, having only been there for three years and bouncing around and maybe not, I don't know, but Naches, as I understand it, is a little bit smaller of a town than Spokane, would that be correct? How is that adjustment for you? Because it's funny to me. So, a little background for everybody. know, like my wife and I, I met her, I grew up in the Seattle area. I born in Spokane, but grew up in the Seattle area, which is on the west side of the state. That's what anyone outside of Washington state is like, oh, Seattle. No, yeah, there's lots of towns in Washington. But we moved over here from Seattle and Spokane is much smaller than Seattle. It's a big city, but it's not, you know what I It's flat, or it's it's spread out. There's no like huge high rises and all that. So it was like, And I had coworkers that would be like, that came from Montana that I worked with in Idaho that was like, one, I'll never forget her. She was like, Eric, do you think your wife would be willing to like escort me to the mall? Because I'm kind of afraid to be in like big places like that's a really big city and stuff It's all a matter of perspective. So Kylyn, what was it like for you going from Naches to Spokane? Yeah, I, well, I had a few places in between. So I lived in Pullman when I was in college, which is, I don't know, it's a little bigger than Naches, but still very small. And then after college, I lived in Seattle, much larger. And that was a big adjustment for me ah going from having, you know, maybe a couple grocery stores to choose from to like, could go to five just in, you know, the 10 mile radius maybe from me and maybe even more and like working with people that spoke different languages than I spoke that came from different countries even. It was really like my world's completely opened up and uh Moving out to Spokane, a little smaller than Seattle, much larger than Naches. And I've kind of found that happy medium here. like that. I think I remember telling my dad when I moved out here, like there's three malls. Like there's still, there's still options. There's two Trader Joe's, there's a Chick-fil-A. So. not quite as populous as Seattle and unfortunately not nearly as diverse either, but I think we're slowly getting there. ah No, I had to pick your brain on that because, little hint, I knew her backstory. So I wanted to hear how that weaved in between Naches and Spokane. It's a lot of different experiences. And so for those nursing students, you're like, why are you spending so much time on this subject? But I know that there's prospective nursing students that hear this as well. You know, you're trying to decide where to go to school. You do I really want to go to a big city? Do I want to, you know what mean? Don't let that limit you. there's, oh, right? Like, would you agree, Kylyn? Like, don't let a big city limit you from your possibilities. yeah, I totally agree with you. Don't let yourself limit yourself. Don't limit yourself with big city, small town, whatever. Just go places and try things and you'll find what you like. Yeah, especially, you know, early on in life, you've got a chance to do these things and to explore without, you know, maybe some things tying you down, especially if you're younger. So, man, take advantage of that. Okay, I said I wasn't going to like just delay everything, but man, that was a lot of time on the opening subject here. uh So with that, what I think we've kind of established, you are a nurse as we speak. Where did you graduate from? What degrees do you hold? I graduated from Washington State University in the spring of 2021 with my BSN. Congratulations, that's amazing. let's dive into the other things. I've taken my time with this opening question, but I feel like it was super important. But in the meantime, what are three words that you would use to describe nursing school? My three words to describe nursing school are fire hose, zoom, and family. very unique words that I have not heard at all. So I can't wait for you to unpack those at the end. And in the meantime, what are three of your favorite songs in life right now? My favorite songs in life right now are Pink Pony Club by Chappell Rhone, Forever and Ever, Amen by Randy Travis, and Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac. incredible songs. Okay, so, Kylyn are you ready for the patent not pending unofficial feeding our young personality test? All right, five questions. Here we go. Would you rather have the ability to fly or breathe underwater? Ooh, I would rather have the ability to fly. Are you team pie or team cake? pie for sure. Would you rather instantly learn a new language or a new musical instrument? Oh, a new musical instrument. Okay, and if you've heard the song titled Last Christmas, Wham's Song, Last Christmas, is that song a Christmas song? Yes, it's a Christmas song. okay. And the last question. Congratulations, you've received a time machine. Are you gonna go back in time or are gonna go look in the future? I'm gonna go back in time. think I'd rather find the future out once I get there. m Discover it as it comes along. And ladies and gentlemen, we know exactly what type of person Kylyn is, and that is you are amazing. Congratulations! Yay! Okay, alright, enough with the silly sillies. Let's keep going and let's dive right in. So let's start with some of the fluff questions there, because you've got a lot of serious topics that, some very important topics, I don't want to necessarily say serious, but important topics that I'm excited for you to unpack. But I do like some of your answers to our getting to know you questions such as, what is your hobby? My hobby is collecting hobbies. So I have a friend that we joke that we're aggressively average. So sort of the same as like jack of all trades, master of none. So I have a big artistic side. So I like crafting and making things. To go down the list, I crochet. I have dabbled in upcycling furniture. I've sewn a few quilts. Reaching further back, I went through a drawing phase, painting, and I also self-taught at playing the ukulele. And when I'm not crafting of some sort, you can find me outside. I love hiking. I love kayaking, biking. I recently learned how to snowboard and I'm getting a little better at mountain biking, so. Those are kind of all of the things that you might find me doing. my gosh, I mean I'm not old but I'm getting older and that almost makes me tired hearing that whole list. Aggressively average. I'm not really good at any of them, but... average. I really like that. That's gotta go on a t-shirt for sure. So, do you have a family? Are there people or uh animals, furry babies, human babies that you do any of this stuff with? Yeah, my husband and I got married in August of last year. We've been together for almost four years total. uh We have a cat named Simba and we just bought our first house ah in the fall. So we're kind of in that fun honeymoon phase of newly married new house. Yeah. That's awesome. Congratulations. There's no phase quite like it. I can tell you being many years on the other side of that. man. No, that's fantastic. ah rumor has it there's a question you like to ask coworkers. You like to ask people at work. What is that question? Why do you ask that? I like to ask if you could bring one thing to work with you, what would it be? So I heard this question in a job interview. And at the time, my answer was a pen. And then I started asking it in job interviews. At the end, when they ask you, do you have any questions? And I'd ask whatever about my job. And then I would say, OK, last question. If you could bring anything to work with you, what would you bring? And uh since then I have changed my answer. ah Now I would bring a pet therapy dog with me to work every day. Oh, yes. And that will make complete sense, everybody, as we unpack exactly what it is she does, for sure. I mean, we don't even need that part. You're a nurse. We already know you need a pet therapy animal. So it doesn't matter what area you work in. Oh, dear. Awesome. So then the last of kind of the getting to know you questions. Who is your hero? Oh, I have really sat with this one for a long time. I think there's a lot of people that I look up to in life. I'm really inspired by the nurses that I work with that have been working in critical care for 10 to 20 plus years and they continue to have so much compassion towards their patients and their coworkers. And they come to work with smiles, they encourage the people around them. They have a really strong sense of self and boundaries. So would say those people are. really who I look up to the most in life right now. Hmm, that's awesome. And I imagine they definitely give you someone to kind of look up to and something to look forward to, a model, as it were, of how you kind of want to envision yourself, you know, being that number of years in your own career, correct? Yes, absolutely. I'm constantly watching them and seeing how can I be more like that and what do they do that I need to do. And I think that that's, think, and not that you would ever take it for granted, but that you have that environment and those people to be able to be like, that's what I want to be when I grow up. That's how I always phrased it. Not trying to insult anybody. For me, it was always like, and I still am like, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when, but I don't think I'm there yet. So I'm working on it one day at a time, the whole growing up bit. uh Yes, I think so. So with that, I'd like to talk about nursing. And I loved how you talked about this. So I'm going to ask this a very specific way. And you'll know why I'm asking this a very specific way. Why did you choose nursing? always say that nursing chose me. I didn't really choose nursing. To elaborate, you know, I didn't really know what I wanted to be. I feel like a lot of nurses wanted to be a nurse because their mom was a nurse or their grandma or whoever. And I didn't really have any nurses that I grew up around. I knew in school that I always found the human body interesting. like, I think the first time I remember was in sixth grade learning about the digestive tract. And I was just fascinated by the way that the body has specific enzymes in each organ that break down our food and how the intestines are made to absorb it all. And so I just continued pursuing. more biology classes and learning how the body works and, you know, end of college or sorry, end of high school, beginning of college, translating that interest into what is going to get me a job to make money to live. And uh kind of decided on nursing uh because I had a friend who had recently graduated from nursing school as I was starting college. So she encouraged me to think about nursing and talked with my advisor. And it just sort of seemed like the right path for me with my interests and needing a career to pick. Yeah, and I think that's awesome that I just love how you said like nursing chose me. You know what I mean? And I've said it before, I'll say it again. I love the different answers I get to that question, but just the fact that you're like, yeah, no, it's kind of the other way around. So then, you know, describe for us like, where are you working? How did you like describe your career progression? Because I understand that nursing wasn't the only specific thing that chose you, right? Yeah, so I, the majority of my career has been spent in healthcare. I started working as a CNA when I was 18. I worked in a SNF as I was in college and getting ready to go into nursing school, continued working in skilled nursing facilities through nursing school. And then when I graduated from nursing school, I was and a couple months later I moved to Seattle for a new grad critical care residency in the cardiac ICU at the University of Washington. And that was, I chose that job because I had done my senior practicum on that same unit and sort of convinced me to come work for them and I liked the people who worked there and I knew my way around enough. So yeah, that's how I ended up in the cardiac ICU. m That's incredible. So as an ICU nurse, how, I know you're gonna get into these topics in more detail, but how do you on a day-by-day basis, I guess for lack of a better term, deal with what the things that you have to deal with and the things you have to see and experience? Yeah, that's a really good question and one that I have continually had to find out for myself. um The beginning of my career, I really didn't take it as seriously the stuff that I was bringing home with me from work and ended up with my own mental health history. I have a anxiety and depression that I've struggled with uh for most of my life and not realizing how much the things I was seeing at work was affecting that outside of work. And I've been in and out of therapy multiple times throughout my career, which is always such a helpful tool to process whatever I need to process. um When I was probably eight or nine months into my career as an ICU nurse, I started journaling after work. And this was because I was coming home from work and immediately I'd go to bed and I would have dreams where I was reliving my shifts. And usually nothing like nightmarish, nothing scary, but it was just like I'm home from work. and I am now sleeping and I'm at work again. And I started uh journaling after work and I found a template that was kind of a post shift reflection uh from a nurse on Instagram and kept a little journal in my car and I would sit in the parking garage and I would fill out my little reflection and usually I would just do like bullet points and it was kind of a like, what did you learn? What can you do differently tomorrow? When did I feel supported? What do I need to ask for for support? Those types of questions could fill it out in, you know, five minutes and then the physical act of closing the book, putting it back in the center console. driving away from the hospital was kind of that symbolic, like the shift is over. I'm leaving it here. I'm going home to take care of myself and rest now. That was a huge turning point for me as far as like, wow, I really do need to find ways to take care of myself. Now it looks a little bit more like, I have a few close friends at work that will go out for breakfast on our Friday together and we can kind of debrief the week and laugh and kind of close out the week in that sort of positive way and talk about whatever we need to. And then when I'm at home, I just try to make the most of my days off, whether that's going to be laying on the couch and watching TV for 24 hours straight or if I'm feeling more active and I want to get outside on my bike and do things, just, you know, not having any set expectations for like, need to do these things on these days, like really giving yourself the grace of taking each day for whatever you're capable of. Hmm. I thank you for being open with that because again, I think the reason why I equate that with now watching this show called The Pitt and that everybody gets to see it. One of the huge pluses I think from that is that general population quote unquote is getting a peek behind the curtain. And you know, they've made no bones about the fact that, you know, they try to make it as realistic as possible and all the things and You know, I'll never forget there was one interview with Noah Wiley and someone asked, someone was like saying something about like, well, you in the opening episode, there's this guy that just goes hauling down the hallway, naked. And you know what I mean? And just, and running down the hall and they're chasing after him and they're like, that would never happen. And he's like, no, we've talked with doctors. We've talked with nurses. Like this happens. And those of us in healthcare go, this happens. Like you just, never know what to expect, right? my gosh, yeah, totally. Like, I've had to learn how to censor myself around my non healthcare friends and family because there are certain things that like, I find hilarious. It's like a little dark and like, I want to tell this story because it's so funny to me or like so wild that no one would believe it. But then I remember that like we're talking about bodily fluids that not all people are comfortable talking about or like naked people running through hallways like yeah that happens. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And to that point, my wife is watching the show and it's just weird to me, because it's HBO, right? So there are a lot of these injuries, a lot of that, you know, they don't shy from the blood, the gore, the whatever. I don't bat an eye at this stuff. And my wife in the meantime is like repeatedly, oh, I can't, oh, I can't watch this part. I'm like, I'll tell you when it's done. that's what it, but it's so funny because it's like, I don't know, it's a reality check for me because I'm like going, yeah, okay. All right, there's a difference there, that's for sure. Yes, totally. I had a realization one day with my husband of, ah he was talking about something about CPR and I just looked at him and I was like, how many times have you done chest compressions? And he looked at me like that was the weirdest answer, weirdest question ever. Like he was like zero. How many times have you done chest compressions? I was like, couldn't honestly, I couldn't count. Yeah, I mean, I guess that's the cost and the blessing of doing what we do in healthcare, Yes, absolutely. Well then let's, I mean, I want to keep going down this road. I know we're kind of, we're kind of answering them out of order in the regards of how you kind of presented them to me. And so let's just, I'll dial it back and ask the very generic question. ah What challenges have you faced in life and how have you navigated those? a big turning point in my life. I had a really stable childhood. When my mom passed away from cancer, I was 17, just getting ready to graduate from high school and go off into college. And my mom was very much the pillar that held up our family. And so my brothers and my dad and I our whole world very much just came tumbling down when she passed away. And we kind of had our own struggles individually. All of us were in sort of different places in our own lives. And I personally was off in college um right after she passed away and was finding it really hard to connect with other people my age. I saw my friends from high school and the other kids I was surrounded by just loving college, loving this new stage of life and they had care packages from their parents on the weekends and I just felt like no one else my age could relate to where I was at and I found myself really lonely and ah that was when I started having pretty frequent panic attacks and led into struggling with suicidal ideation. um Actually, the spring and summer before I started nursing school, which would have been two years after she passed away, was kind of just the lowest point for my mental health. um And that's when I started seeing a therapist for the first time. And that very much saved my life at that point. And in nursing school, I kind of found my calling and was doing much better, working towards this giant goal of graduating. And when I graduated from nursing school, I'm a big goal-oriented, success-driven person. So graduating from nursing school, I was on top of the world, the high of a lifetime, passing the NCLEX. getting a job, moving to a new city, like unstoppable, felt amazing. And then that high ended quite abruptly, about six months into my first job as a nurse. I just finished all of my residency courses. I was done being precepted. And here I was just working and had very little life. outside of work and I just found myself, I kind of talked about this already, but really struggling to leave work at work and couldn't remember who I was outside of being a nurse. And that was when I found that my anxiety and depression started to get worse again. like I said, I ended up talking with a therapist and started journaling and ah since these times I've kind of gone through different periods of better times of mental health and worse times. And it's a lesson that I've had to learn that this is gonna be something that's gonna require nourishment throughout my life. I've kind of accepted that there are times that I'm going to need to be in counseling more frequently and there are times that I maybe won't need it as often. So those are sort of a summary of the challenges that I've faced in my life and my career. And that's no small list of challenges that you've faced in your life and career, Kylyn. My heart just completely and utterly goes out to you. Again, I can't thank you enough for being vulnerable because it's something a lot of people deal with. You know what I mean? And in these times and these days, there's a lot going on. There's a lot that, you know what I mean? That... Stress, mean, like that's at the top of everybody's list, right? Anxiety. Yeah, like it's just, it's one of these things that we can't do this on our own. uh And a lot of us think we can and you just can't, whether that means you need mental health, uh counseling, whether it means you need a best friend or someone you can rely on, all of that, just, Kylyn, ah thank you for sharing that and just. huge like, I don't know, almost like dad hugs for you, through the studio, cause I just, man, Yeah, of course. You know, and my response to that is just that thinking about where I was as like a 19, 20 year old and struggling and what I needed at that point and what nursing students have today listening might need is just to hear someone say that that's okay. Like you're struggling and that's normal and that's totally fine. And You can take care of yourself in whatever you need. You don't have to act like you're the same as everyone else. You can feel what you're feeling. Yes, and that's that is important permission and and straight up like what you're saying like you aren't like everyone else No one, know Kylyn is not like me i'm not like her and you're not like Kylyn and Everybody's got their things whatever. You know, you may be 18 19 20 And have baggage who knows? You know what I mean? Like nobody knows what life you've been through and so it's okay to You know, obviously don't take it so far the other direction and using it as an excuse to, can't do this test, I can't do this, I can't do that. But the idea is embracing that true self, what you've been through, your narrative, your story so far, and yet use that to fuel future success, right, Kylyn? Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. love that. Use that to fuel your future success. Like, don't let it hold you back. So with that, I don't want to, you I feel like you've been able to share everything you wanted to share in regards to your mental health and all the things. But I know that there are a couple of important things that you talked about as far as things you wanna cover. And I feel like having gone through the mental health journey, uh you you've got some things in place to prevent one of these topics, but one of the topics you have in what you want to chat about is burnout. What do you want to share about? Yeah, you know, unfortunately, like, I've only been a nurse for four years now, but burnout is. Don't say only, don't say only. And in fact, I'm going to share with you what I've shared on this podcast before. y'all, anyone who's listening to every episode, I'm sorry, you're going to hear it again. But anyone who's been a nurse through COVID, we, jokingly talk about it being dog years. You know what I mean? Dogs are like, you know, dogs and cats, you know, for every year they live, they're seven years old. For every year, a nurse who started in COVID. I'm sorry, like your first year is like, it's gotta be close to dog years. You've not necessarily in skill, but partially there too, but mostly in like that burnout factor, like seven years of, my gosh, people, you want, well, circle it back around to the pit. With the pit, there's people like yelling at the providers and all the things. Yes, there's some out there that are like, my gosh, is that really a thing? Cause they're so respectful. Yeah. Sorry, there's people who don't give a rat's rear about you. They need care and all the things. So anyway, I... No, Kylyn, you've not only been a nurse for four years. If we're talking dog years, let's see, seven, 14, plus the other two, you're like a 16-year vet. You're fine. you're so right. And that really is like a good segue, like, starting nursing at the height of a pandemic for me was insane, like, honestly, very much contributed to my burnout. And like, I, other than maybe the first six months of being a nurse, like, I can't remember a time that I wasn't in the back of my mind wondering, is this burnout? Am I burnt out? And so to preface, like I said already, I'm a very success driven person and like I wanna achieve and I want the awards and I wanna win and translating that into my early nursing career, I was... not even consciously telling myself this, but I just had this belief that my level of success was correlated to patient outcomes. when you work, my first unit was a lot of heart failure and a lot of non-surgical candidate heart failure. So you're just giving them the best quality of life that you can. uh And those cases don't have quote unquote good outcomes. People don't live from heart failure. um Somewhere along the line, I started attributing patient deaths or... you know, central line infections to like something that I was doing wrong, something that me as a nurse, me as a human being was, there was a deficit there. And, um, taking more ownership over that than you should have. So much, so much, yeah. And really like, really lost sight of who I was outside of this goal of being a successful nurse. And that was just constantly met with this disappointment of like, there's another negative thing happened, another bad thing happened at work. And... It took me a long time. It took me a couple of years to separate this idea of perfection versus excellence. And you can be an excellent nurse and still, you know, make mistakes or your patients might die or, you know, things happen and it sucks, but you can still be an excellent nurse and you can still give this person more life than they could have had before they came to your ICU. ah When you use perfection as your goal, you're only setting yourself up to be disappointed, really. And you can't beat yourself with this, like every little mistake. And you can't carry around a suitcase full of every mistake I've ever made or every poor patient outcome that I've ever witnessed, whether I was involved or not. m You can't use that as your motivation to be a better nurse. And um through a lot of work, unpacking this idea and what does it mean for me to be excellent versus perfect and finding your identity outside of this perfection goal. For me, that was a lot of... Who are you? Answer that question, who are you? And don't include anything about your job. ah Let me, I'm going to pause you here because I know where you're going with this. I, before you go into this, because this is one of my favorite parts of what you want to share. um But I love that you bring up the idea. Like, basically, you're trying to, your goals, what you're saying is don't make your goals those unachievable goals, which is perfection. Nobody's perfect. And if you, as long as those remain your goals, you will never achieve them. Ergo, there will be this constant erosion of confidence. uh constant erosion of self, you know what mean, what you're about to get into. And I feel like there's like, I don't know, some of us tend to be, especially nurses, and especially if you're type A, if you're in the ICU, you're whatever the case may be, you're control freaks. We're control freaks. And we want to have control over situations that, and I cannot state this clearly enough, Kylyn, tell me if you agree and expound on it as you wish. But I do not believe... or I believe that there is so much, so many, I believe that there are a lot of situations out there in healthcare, in your own personal care, that you do not, you have zero control over, even though you think you have control over it. Would that be correct? 1000 % correct. Yeah. Because that's my rationale for like, I love postpartum nursing. I'm not a fan of labor and delivery nursing, not because I'm afraid of the blood, the guts, the... I would love to be a part of every woman's miracle, this birth, this... That would be amazing. But the thing that holds me back from that for me is the fact that there are situations in when a mom delivers a baby that are outside of any nurse, any physician, any provider's control. Mm-hmm. are bad outcomes that were not due to negligence on the healthcare system's part, still someone needs to be blamed, right? The patient themselves, man, well this is, you know what I mean? And so there's, you then you get into lawsuits and things like that. But the part of it is that we all think that we have this control over circumstances in life or in nursing that sometimes is just not. Absolutely, yeah. You know, like, when you start thinking of it as, like, who's the main character here? Like, it's not me. I am... taking care of this person for 12 hours of their entire 70 plus year life. And there's so many things that in my 12 hours of caring for them have contributed to where they've ended up. And yeah, it's hard when you go into it and you know, obviously you're the main character of your own life, but Not of this very complex ah situation that there's other factors, there's other nurses, there's providers, there's the patient themselves, the choices they've made. There's medical limitations of like, like we forget that. sometimes, yeah, we can't do everything. We can't control everything. as much as we want to in situations. What you said just sparked in my brain. You have 12 hours with a person and maybe you have multiple shifts, right? So let's say full-time, three 12-hour shifts, 36 hours. If you're eight-hour shifts, 40 hours. So that's the max, that's the highest number I can come up with is 40 hours with a person if you're working with them all week long, eight hours a day. Out of what, 72 years, 80 years, 60 years? There's a lot, and this is not patient blaming, but there's a lot this person has done in 70 some odd years, like you said, that maybe it was diet choices, this, that, whatever, or God forbid, a horrible accident, who knows, you know what I mean? Like things have happened outside of your control and you think you're gonna be the one to fix it in 12 to 40 hours. No! No! Give yourself a break. Cut yourself, that's the takeaway from this. Cut yourself some slack, right? Yes, absolutely. Give yourself grace constantly. Because again, this isn't your identity. Kylyn, I interrupted you, but I knew where you were going, and I can't wait for you to talk about it, because I've talked about it before and it's that important. What is this thing about identity and not wrapping it up in your career? Yeah, you know, so like I said, the question, who are you? And answering that question without talking about your job. And as nurses, you work so hard to get into nursing school, and then you work so hard to get through nursing school, and you work so hard to pass the NCLEX, and you work so hard to learn how to be a nurse in your first job. And it becomes, you're really proud of yourself and you should be because that's a lot of hard work. And then you're so proud of yourself that that's your whole identity. And then. You you think of other professions and people, you my husband works in construction and he doesn't attribute, you know, little mistakes here and there at work to his worth as a human being. And when he talks about his hobbies or his interests, who he is, very rarely does, you know, his work. in construction come up. ah And for me, my journey to finding who I am and what is my identity uh has been very much like in all of my hobby searching and whatever sparks my interest. uh I had a therapist who explained to me burnout is really, you know, you can call burnout compassion fatigue and compassion fatigue comes from a lack of self-compassion. And how can you... take care of yourself with the same energy that you use at work to take care of other people. ah Kind of the same idea as like you put the mask, the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on someone else on a plane. You can't pour into someone else's cup when yours is empty. All of these sort of cliches that are like very much true and they are sayings for reason. ah So like a big part of my burnout healing has been learning how to nourish myself outside of my career and it's really hard ah especially thinking of like talking to myself as a nursing student like I was so focused on pass this test and finish this assignment and go to clinical today and check the things off the list. I ah think from the beginning, I was set up to ignore my own personal needs and disregard who I am. And I'm a nursing student and that's my identity. ah So I think early on, if I had started those habits maybe a little bit earlier, things might've been a little easier for me. I wouldn't have been starting from ground zero when I was you know, 22 and working full time and kind of hitting this rock bottom to learn that I was a human outside of being a nurse. Yeah. Yeah, that's huge. That's huge. That's it right there, everybody. I don't we can get rid of everything that came before and everything that came after. You know what I mean? Like, but that's that's the heart right there, because in nursing schools, I'm not throwing any nursing school under the bus. Mine, Kylans, anybody else's like everybody. Every program has their pluses, their minuses and all the things. But I think one of the things that historically through now is consistently getting forgotten is this concept. Yes, some are really good about, hey, you know what mean, take time for yourself, etc, etc. But as one honored guest said, it was take time for yourself, you know, take care of your mental health. But also, now you've got this test, you've got to finish, you've got to do this, you've got to do that, you've got to do that. The obligations don't go away. That's the thing. And so how do you navigate that while in the midst of the storm? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's an answer we get to try and find here, you know, with this whole feeding our young movement and trying to support people earlier on. But that's the answer right there, Kylyn. What you're saying is like, don't, because it does become your identity to a certain degree, because that's all you have time for. But then come back, step back away from that and find out who you are from that. ugh. Like, fine, be aggressively average. Be aggressively average in nursing school and outside nursing school. Because inside nursing school, what that looks like is not striving for perfection. You don't need that A plus on a test. You don't need any of that garbage. Pass. Yeah. You need to pass. You need to read your textbook. You need to do what's your obligation. Do your part. But then be aggressively average. Go find those things. Hang out with your friend. Go to the movie. Go do whatever. Go dancing. Go karaoke. I don't care. Whatever it is. Go bowling. I don't know. Do people still bowl these days recreationally? Do something. So be aggressively average. Oh, I just, oh my gosh, Kylyn, I love it. I love it. I love it. uh Is there anything else before we close with our normal wrapping up questions? Is there anything that you wanted to get off of your heart, out of your heart that we have not talked about? I guess just circling back to the beginning of who inspires me and who my heroes are. And I would encourage those nursing students that are going to be new grads one day, um find those people and pay attention to them and ask them questions. And not only about how to be a better nurse, but ask them what they do to take care of themselves and ask them. about their life outside of work and ask them how like seriously how have you been doing this for this long and how do you maintain your identity and yeah that's what I think my number one advice would be to new grads and to nursing students is when you get into your career find those people and pay attention to them. Hmm. I kind of, I've known you for all of, well, I mean, it's been a couple hours now with our technical difficulties and hiccups and all that, but I'm telling you right now, like I, yeah, I've been doing this a little bit longer, but I want to be like you when I grow up. This is amazing. Like seriously, just the, the perspective you have in that ability to look outside, you know what I mean? That immediate sense of self and that immediate uh circumstances and all the things, and to be able to see that bigger picture. man, way ahead of the game. I'm gonna tell you, you're farther ahead of the game than I was in this point in my career. You know what I mean? That number of years in my career for sure. So with that, three words. You chose three very unique words, which I'm really excited to hear you describe why. So what were your three words and why'd you pick them? My three words were fire hose, zoom, and family. And ah yes, very unique, like you said. uh I chose fire hose because nursing school was so much like drinking water from a fire hose. A million. information's all being forced to you at once and you just have to absorb what you can. Yep. uh And then Zoom because I, my whole second year of nursing school was ah over Zoom because of COVID. So I got very familiar with with the Zoom program and learning to kind of self-discipline through watching the lectures and doing the homework. And it ended up, I don't know, I think I maybe found the silver lining in it that I was able to work a little bit more at my nurse tech job at the nursing home that I was working at. So I kind of was able to supplement those. clinical hours with job experience. And then I chose family as my third word because. Like I said, at this point in my life, I found it really hard to relate to the other 20 year olds around me. And really my family were the only people that could understand what I was going through. And while we were all sort of fighting our own battles, um my family is very much the people that ended up holding me up through nursing school and. reminding me what the end goal was. Anytime that I felt like giving up, they were there to remind me like, it'll be over one day and you'll get there That's awesome. And I don't know if it's something you've already touched on. I mean, feel like you sort of almost just said it prior to those three words. But if there's one thing you want someone to walk away from listening to your episodes with, what would that be? Yeah, I think just what I previously said. Pay attention to those older nurses that you're working with and learn from them and find out who you are outside of being a nurse and take care of that person and nourish yourself so that you can be a good nurse to your patients and to your coworkers. Yes, yes, because that's a key part of it, right? Like that's all part of that. Don't lose that in the shuffle. Ah, Kylyn, thank you so much for giving up of an inordinate amount of time this morning to try and make this work. But legitimately, you know what I mean? You're taking your free time and you're talking about, you're going into, diving into the dark corners of not only your career, but your life. And I think that's gonna absolutely help someone. who hears your story and is like, my gosh, I can totally relate with you. Like, I get that. I needed to hear that. That's gonna, you know what mean? I don't know. You might've saved a career today and that's no small, like, that's not hyperbole. I'm not using hyperbole. I genuinely believe someone will hear your story and go, my gosh, that is what I needed to hear to keep this going. So I wish I would have heard it years ago, that's for sure. So. Yeah, I hope so. I hope someone can find something useful from my story. Absolutely. Well, Kylyn, you have an amazing rest of your day and thank you so much for putting up with the technical difficulties, but also just hanging out with me this morning. Yes, of course. Thank you so much for having me. Absolutely, pleasure to meet you my new friend. you as well and hopefully we'll see each other around the hospital. Yeah, we didn't even talk about that. We both work at the same hospital and the only way we've met is through someone who's outside of the hospital and lives 300 miles to the west of us. that's awesome. All right. Have a great time, Thank you. Bye.