126 - Callie Allen Pt 2: I Was Told I Wasn’t Smart Enough

Continue with tenured nurse and Salt Lake City, Utah native Honored Guest Callie Allen as she talks about having a sister who understands, not quitting your daydreams, chasing dreams in her late 30s, living a long life of buts, her special tattoo, not being fine where she was at, starting over after being a nurse for 11 years, doing it scared, and more!

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Transcript

0:03

I almost made it. So again, the tradition here at Feeding Our Young is if you do a second episode, if you're game, we do a fun intro that's off the rails. We both kind of came up with this idea and I'm like, Callie, I'm not sure if this is truly offensive or what. I'm I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. You've got ADHD. My family members have. Anyway, I was like, she's like, no, let's go for it. So hope you enjoyed the intro, everybody. But also, Callie, you. Yeah, yeah, so when you said like hopefully that's not offensive I have an aunt who is so sweet and gets like the best gifts for everybody. And she found this sweatshirt online and I had talked with her about my ADHD when I got diagnosed and all this stuff. And she got it to give to me at Christmas, but then she couldn't come to our Christmas party that we had. And my uncle was there. And so he hands me the sack and is like, here, Mitzi said this is for you. And I opened it up, held it up in front of my entire family. And we're all just dying laughing because it says, It's, it says, it looks like em the ACDC like logo, thank you. And it's got the lightning bolt, but it says ADHD. And then underneath it, it says highway to, hey, look, a squirrel. And I about fell over laughing and my whole family laughed because it, I mean, it, it's true. like hard left a lot of times. and have to like remind people that we'll make a couple more left-hand turns and you'll understand why it's all connected, I promise, kind of thing. Yeah, we will get back around. If you just keep making left-hand turns, you'll get there. And I called my aunt to tell her thank you. And she was like, my God, Callie. She's like, I bought that so long ago. And I don't know if it's okay. I don't know if it's a fence. I'm so sorry. If you hate it, you can throw it away. I thought it was funny in the moment and then it came and I felt that I was like. This is hilarious. I love this. You get the best gifts. yeah, absolutely. my goodness. So, okay, then I know where I want to start the deep content here, but before we do one fluff question, because you're talking about your aunt, and FYI, people, all this discussion about her sweatshirt, it might be a moot point, I doubt it, but because her second episode tile picture will probably feature that thing, her wearing that sweatshirt. But regardless. family, you're talking about your auntie, go ahead and just tell us about your family, what you want to share as far as that goes, and do you have any other healthcare workers in your family? You know, so I'm married to uh love of my life for, oh God, what is it? 19 years this year? It's, yeah, 19 years, 19 years married. I was like, it's that far, right? That you're like, God, what year did we get married? 19 years married and we've been together for, it'll be 21 years in the fall that we've actually like known and been together. I've actually been with him longer than I've been without him is what I like to say at this point. um And we have three kids. uh My oldest is Scarlett, non-binary, awesome teenager, super funny, really, really sweet and kind. And I can't believe that I have a teenager because I am only 25, but somehow, somehow the math maths. uh And then I have a 10 year old boy. who I swore up and down, I didn't need a boy. We were only gonna have two kids. I have a younger sister. I just was like, if we're only gonna have two kids, just, want two girls. like, I, and I say this because I think it's, I think there's like judgment when people are disappointed when you find out the gender and it wasn't what you really, really wanted. Or you don't want to be honest about it because like, it feels like it's wrong to be honest. And I mean, even my mom who's most supportive of me was like, okay. like get a grand cal, it'll be fine. And I was like, the woman who didn't want me to have boys either, like, I'm sorry. And I, they delivered him and I held him and immediately was like, Oh God, where have you been all my life? And to this day, I cannot even begin to find the words to describe the love that I have for my son. love all of my children, but I imagine it's how a dad is with a girl. And then we were gonna be done. eh And right, labor and delivery nurse. Weird. I know how to do that part. um And so actually my husband was getting ready to have a vasectomy. I was gonna do a paid birth control study, because I was like, sweet, get paid to do my birth control? Yes. ah And then I was supposed to go and get the birth control when I started my next cycle, but I didn't start my next cycle. And I called them and said, I am pregnant. And they were like, congratulations? And I was like, you can say that. And ah the joke's on me. She is my spiciest kid. uh She is actually the kid that got me like, my diagnosis and she is ADHD and autistic and she is brilliant and funny and she has been the absolute challenge of my life as far as motherhood is concerned, but also such an incredible reward. And everyone who meets her and knows her is like, ah you know, my, with everything that's going on in the news right now with autism, I've had more people reach out to me and say like, I'm so sorry for what's going on and I just wanted to say, and I want you to tell Hazel, like, I think she's magical and I look at the world differently because I know her. I she's eight years old. She is in the kindness club at school. She just got nominated by the entire teacher team and the principal to be the student. um The, they, our school district has um students that come from each school. pick a couple from each school. to come together for district meetings to help say, what do I like about school? What should we do at school? Elementary, middle, and high school. And they just called us this week to tell us that they think Hazel would be awesome at that. And so, yeah, I have my husband and my three children. And I am surrounded up here by all of my dad's family. ah I have a Grammy that I know I am so lucky to have. She is this, you think I'm short, she's. She's about four, nine on a good day. Like you could just put her right in your little pocket. That's why we call her Grammy. And she is, I love her. She beat uterine cancer at the age of 82. Yeah, yeah. She's incredible. I just adore her. And then my dad has two brothers, my uncle Kenny, who is, Incredible. He is almost like a second dad. is just amazing. He and his wife, Mitzi, my aunt, they've even said to us before, my aunt has said like, I know you're my niece, but it just feels bigger than that. uh And they have two kids. uh They had kids later in life. we have only a few cousins. And so there was like the four of us, the original gangsters is what we kind of call ourselves. because my uncle Alan has two kids and then my dad had two kids and then Kenny had kids later and They're not as young as my kids. So they're not that generation, but they're all way younger than us We're almost like aunts and uncles to them ah But they are also the coolest kids moving up here when I did I got to see them go through high school and they're in college now and I love nothing more than when my cousin reaches out to me to like want to talk about something or I run into my other cousin because he's over here in my neck of the woods and sees me in the grocery store and comes up and gives me a little bear hug like and so yeah I have one sister who we actually went to nursing school at the same time we went together graduated at the same time and she's a cardiac badass she worked at Sacred Heart as well in the cardiac ICU and then she graduated a or a little over a year ago with her nurse. She got her nurse practitioner and she is a cardiac NP now over in Vancouver, Washington and it's just killing it. She loves all things heart and she's very passionate about preventative care and I am so impressed and inspired by her. She's my baby sister, but I love her so much. And she has always been so supportive of me. I actually love having conversations with her when she and I talk about healthcare stuff, But when we get into really like deep conversations about our specialties, like she'll have a patient or she'd be like, you she'd have a patient in the ICU, Eric, that like maybe was like severe preeclampsia or something that ended up in the ICU. And she'd like call me and be like, my gosh, I wanna talk to you about this. Or when she was in NP school and was going through hormones and like the reproductive stuff, and she was like, Cal, my God. You know, and I like, my mother-in-law is like suffering from heart stuff and I call her and I'm like, I have numbers, make them make sense. Like, and she talks to me through things or like, my gosh, tell me about this. we just like the things that, you know, every specialty has stuff that. there's your ups and your downs and the things that you're trying to fix. And uh we talk to each other about that and really love to listen to each other and our ideas. And I just love how passionate she is about her patients and what she wants for them. And she gives me also that same validation and support and encouragement to keep being who I am because she's like, she'll say something like, patients are so lucky to you like, you know, maybe joke because she was ICU right and she was like, I like my patients intubated and sedated and I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna be in there with the gal who's like, you know, screaming and yelling and cussing and then tell me she's sorry. Those social nurses like us, we absolutely need that convo. There's actually more training that's required in order so we know when to shut up, as we've already established. I'll be in a room for a while and I'm like, yeah, I have other patients. Okay, anyway, anything else you guys need? Nope, gotta go. ah So with that, with that, with you, as you established clearly in the first episode, and anyone who has not heard the first episode rarely do I do this. But I would tell you, if you're for whatever reason jumping into Cali the Experience part two, stop. Just stop listening right here. Go back to part one and then double back to here because my gosh. You came through a lot. You've accomplished a lot. You describe for us how meaningful it was to go back and get that bachelors that you didn't need and. What I'd love for you to do is open up that window to why. uh There's that magic word called perseverance. You wrote it in your like, here's the bullet points that one I want to tell you. By the way, you guys, uh one undiagnosed ADHD to one diagnosed ADHD, uh as we've made about this whole podcast, say, I send out this little form. Fill it out. Don't fill it out. It gives you an idea of just things we're going to talk about at the very least. And this is how I end it. At the very least, just send me some bullet points. things that I know how we can steer the conversation. I got a three page bullet point list. So, I love it. I did not run it through the through the similarity report though, so So you did, and thank God you didn't have to. But the word you used in this one topic that I want to touch on and why you were so, why you guys will, I mean, obviously it's clear why getting her bachelor's degree meant so much to her is because of that perseverance. But go ahead and Callie and open up that window. What did you want to share about them? And you also kind of, I love it she prefaces this. She says, perseverance. If I could, I'd add a fourth favorite song because. So lead off with that. Let's talk. Yes. So, um, I actually want to. And you didn't write much. just, but yeah, everything you had there and yeah. So, yes, if I could add a fourth song to my list of songs, because you only gave me three, but listen, I'm gonna squeeze a fourth one in there, because that's what we do. It is a... I didn't even write it down. No you I'll cut all this bit out, I wanted to know where you're going with it, so I'm like... my God, it's such a good song. I'm sorry, pause. This is on me for time because holy cow, can't believe I did. It took me a while to find it too, because I haven't listened to it in a while. Hold on. mean, unless you want me to like this little snippet, this little interchange between you and I, we can keep that in there. It's hilarious. uh That's what I mean. I was like, like, I said, Callie is going to know exactly what song she was talking about, so let's just bring it up. do. I totally do. Hold on now. I cannot even believe I can't believe it. Okay. Holy cow. It's Don't Quit Your Daydream by Lily Miola. And if you've never listened to it, it is so good. I'm gonna pull it up here. Not to play it, but just so I can pull up the lyrics. okay. So, Perseverance. If I could add a fourth favorite song. and finish that sentence, it would be, Don't Quit Your Daydreams by Lily Mio. I hope I said that right. ah And it was a song that my friend sent to me because when I decided that I thought that I wanted that, like when I was struggling with the idea of like, I really still want to be a midwife. I am, this was last year. ah I am 39 years old, 38 going on 39 last year. And I'm like, I can't do that. Like, can't, I, I'm going to go back and be a midwife now. Like, come on, that's crazy. That's, that's crazy. That's what I kept saying. I'm like, it's crazy. It's crazy. And my husband was like, Kel, I really need you to stop saying that it's crazy because it's not crazy. It's not crazy at all. And I was talking to my friend about it because I definitely, suffer from, and it's an ADHD, a neurodivergent thing, that imposter syndrome, you know, suffer from that quite a bit. it comes from a long, long life of... long life of buts. Like she's such a delight to have in class, but she's really chatty. Or, you know, I had this desire from the time I was 14, I took a career aptitude test that said, hey, you might like nursing. And I was like, oh, nursing. And I was told, I mean, like, yeah, that's great. Like you like to care for people, but you don't have the science grades. You're not super great at math. I was told by someone super important to me, by a parent, not my mom, you love to talk. You should be a DJ. Mmm. And so, you know, from that age, um you and always kind of being in your head and worrying about what people are thinking. my gosh, did I make an idiot of myself? Can I really do that? Like I know that I'll procrastinate and then I won't make the deadline and then like I'll fail being so scared to fail. Could I really do that? Right. And I've carried that with me from a whole life. It's been very ingrained in me. And it was part of what held me back. And this song, when I was telling my friend, because I was like, I feel like I'm crazy. And she's, this friend of mine is so bad ass, also a nurse at Sacred Heart, who decided to go back to school and be a CRNA. And with kids, with babies, and even had an accidental baby, a second one. And she, like in the program. And I was like, reach it's crazy it's crazy right and she was like no it's not and I was like but I'm scared and she sent me this song and the lyric in it says If it ain't big enough, if it doesn't scare the hell out of you, if it makes you nervous, it's probably worth it. And I'm like, you know what? Like that. Yeah. Because everything that I have done that has been scary has worked out. Or I've learned something from it. And so why the hell not? Like do it scared, know, do it scared. And so I decided like, yeah, I need to do, I need, just need to do it. I just need to do it. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared to keep going, right? Like I've got my BSN and it feels so big and so huge. And I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go walk at graduation. I applied to speak at graduation because they have students speak. And I'm like so excited. And I'm like, oh, I gotta fill out my application for my master's program. Like they called me and I had this like hour long conversation. I was like, my God. And I've been putting it off because I'm like a little bit scared to like, I opened the email and it was like. And yeah, it was too much. And I am like still scared. I'm scared because it's a lot. I'm scared because of what is happening right now in our country with things being taken away and taken down. mean, like even in my BSN program that is not women specific, there were links that I had. embedded in my course material that now go to dead pages because things are being scrubbed from the internet. And I'm scared, like, I'm scared to be so excited to do it, to get admitted, to do the things and then not be able to do it for some reason. you know, like, but I think it is so, when you get, when you conquer your fears, Right? Like when a little kid goes on a roller coaster that they're really scared to go on and they get off of it and they're like, and they're so excited because they did it. Like when my eight year old does something that she is scared of and she is successful, or even if she isn't, even if she doesn't and she doesn't do it at all, she wants or whatever, she gets to be able to go like, yeah, but I tried, right? But I tried. And, and so yeah, it, this, this perseverance is you just have to kind of keep going, right? In COVID, we just had to keep going to work even though we were scared, right? And in life right now, there's a lot of scare. My husband's federal employee every day has been scary for a long time. And every day I have to keep getting up and making sure that my children feel safe, seen and sued and... and get to school and fill their cups and their social needs and make sure that they're living their best lives, even though it's scary. And every day that I lay down and go to bed at night, I'm like, you know, everybody, like, we're okay. We're okay today. I've survived all of my scariest worst days so far. So why not keep going? Why not keep going? I, oh, Callie, there's just, I, and it reminds me of the meme, and I've seen it more than one occasion, of course, where it's like, you know, of course, man, what if it goes wrong? What if this happens? What if I can't do X, Y, or Z after I go through all this training? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if the sky falls? What if, you know what I mean? Like, there's just so many possible answers to that question. But the one that you, go to last and hopefully we circle back around to is what if it goes right? What if it works out? What if the dream is what we think it is? have a tattoo on my arm for my kids. And it says, what if I fall? And then the rest of it says, but my darling, what if you fly? What if you fly? Yeah, yeah. And what if you don't, what do you learn from it? I still remember when I was a teenager on the back of a bus on a youth trip for church, sitting with a bunch of cool teenagers and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm back here with like the 18 year olds. was like 14. And we were like, oh my God. And it was like, we were like, or dare, having these deep, deep conversations with our emo music and all the things, right, on our CDs. Hehehehehe... And someone asked like, you know, what's your biggest regret? My biggest regret at 14, right? okay. And one of the older youth leaders, and she was like maybe 19 at the time. And she was like, I don't have regrets. There's no regrets. There's always something to learn. Even if it was a bad experience, whatever it was, whether it's... I won't let that boundary be crossed next time. Or I did that, what if I can do something bigger? Or I really hurt somebody and I didn't even realize that, maybe I didn't realize how close that relationship was. Or now I understand something else about myself. Or there's always something to learn and grow from even something that doesn't work out the way you think it will or the way you want it to. God in my life. You know, I mean, my mom is, is religious and you know, her favorite thing is when God closes a door, opens a window kind of thing. And I have just this ultimate faith in that, um, every, every choice that we make, like set your path and, and, and it makes your journey go this way or that way. And, and it doesn't always make sense in the moment, right? Um, you're like finding yourself going like, why, why me? Why this? did good things or bad things happen to good people? But then I look back at all of the things, the bad things, the weird things, the things that totally caught me off guard. And I'm like, man, but if that didn't happen, I'm like, I wouldn't have decided to do this. And then I wouldn't have ended up here, you know? mean, and that's not like a trying to... silver lining or toxic positivity. I'm not saying it in that way, but when you can get far enough away from whatever it is and look back and really see where you've come from, see the growth like I did when I like doing my stupid BSN stupid, it's not stupid, but that's what I thought it was. That's what I thought it was. That like, looked back and I'm like, oh damn. And you know what's crazy? Is coming back to work. I had to come back to work like duty. I thought he was just gonna let me. come back, right? was bummed. my gosh, why? I'm fine. Please let me go back to work. I want to make money. My shoulder's good. It'll be fine. It's not going to be 100 % anymore anyway. And I got to go back by duty, right? Which allowed me to finish my degree in such a good way, in such a strong way. It made that final project not just like a box that I was ticking and throwing out another paper. I really was torn about what to write about, how do I do this? I am promoting change on my unit in real time. Like going back to work, I was using my BSN at the very end before I even quite finished it. And it's like opened up this door for me at work that I didn't even see, but I like walked right by and didn't appreciate. I have seen this whole other side of nursing that I was like, damn, I really like this. Our director is moving and leaving. And she came to see me in my little, I've been on our unit, like in this weird little corner doing all this light duty stuff, these administrative things. Like my manager is like, my God, I have 4,000 projects. Can you help me like make sense of all this stuff? And so I've been sitting there brainstorming and- What about this? And then working with these nurses, day shift nurses that I never work with because I'm nice, and getting feedback. And we're like, what about this? And we're solving these problems that seem minuscule or it's like, it's a back burner thing because it's not like the patient that's right there in front of you. And it's making a big difference. One of the nurses was like, are you going to be Heidi's ANM? And I was like, hey, I'm coming back to the floor. And they were like, but you're really good. And like this stuff that you're doing is wrong. And I was like, I've got like this validation, like also this, I'm like, yes, I am capable of this. Like I sell myself short and I think a lot of people do. I don't think you have to be neurodivergent to have imposter syndrome or to feel scared or feel like maybe you can't do it. But if you don't try, you'll never know. And you might surprise yourself. And you might wind up in a place you never thought you would. I I told myself that I was fine where I was at, that I have the job that I loved and the thing that I loved. And I did for a really long time. Bedside labor and delivery nursing has been the dream of the dream career of my life. Like in COVID, I'm sure you can relate to an extent like. waking up when things were the absolute worst, when we were so exhausted and tired and scared and all of the things burned out, having nothing left. And Max was like, just don't go, just don't go. We'll figure it out. And I said, but I don't not like, I don't not want to do this. Like, I wish I didn't want to do this because it would make it really easy to walk away and do something else. And, and I persevered and tried something else on God, made this big scary leap and went to NICU, right? I always thought in nursing school, like maybe it would be NICU, maybe it'd be labor and delivery. Actually, when I was a teenager, I thought like, yeah, I'm gonna be a baby nurse. I want to take care of babies, right? You hold all these cute little babies, then you go to the nursery and the NICU and it's not holding cute little babies. But I was so scared to start over. I'd been a nurse for 11 years and I was like starting over and I was working with these nurses. I went from being this nurse that like a patient would ask me a question. I didn't think about it. I don't have to look it up, you know, or, or a new nurse would come out and be like, Oh my gosh, Callie, can you, and I'd be like, Oh yeah, I'm just being, being, being, you know, like, and all of a sudden I was thrown into this environment where people knew me because you know, we're connected to NICU because they come down and see us when we have crappy babies and we're so grateful to them. And so we knew each other on that level and people were like, you're like, yeah, you're, yeah, you know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't, oh gosh, you guys. like, yeah, and I push the NICU button when my baby is not pink and screaming. And it was so scary to be in a place where like a parent would ask me a question. I'm like, Hold on just a second. Let me go phone a friend, right? That was so hard to not feel confident in like just off the cuff educating my parents or being able to explain what was going on. And yet when I left there, there were so many people that were like, oh Cal, like we get it. You love labor and delivery. We see it. But like, this is a loss. I got like the validation of like, no, you did good work and you did a good job. And it was like, and that scary thing set me up to be a great resource for the unit that I'm on now. my experience that I've had on that unit now, while it's been mostly nursery and not labor, like I was trying to get back to, even though it's all the RP, set me up to be in a good place to support more. new nurses that are coming into our unit or nurses that have been on our unit for a long time that are now having to cross train to do nursery stuff. um I have this experience and knowledge that they don't have that I get to share with them and help everybody feel better about things and help everybody feel comfortable in a new role. And if I'd never done that big scary thing, I wouldn't be where I am right now. I wouldn't be able to be. doing the things that I love to do. love to take care of patients. I love to make them feel safe and seen and sued. I'm a huge advocate for autonomy and informed consent. But I also really love seeing new nurses come up and being able to be a resource for them as well. I've never thought of myself as like, I call the older nurses on the unit, mother hens, left turn. Because when my husband would come to visit me at work back before we had kids and stuff, and he'd come at 1 o'clock in the morning and see us, he'd be like, I come around the corner, and all I hear is, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, And so when I think about mentors, I've always called like the oldest wisest ones on the unit, call them the mother hens. And then we have our little chicks. And I never thought of myself as a mother hen until I moved here to Washington, Eric. And all of these nurses that are hiring on after me are like 23 and 24. And I'm like, oh my God. And they're like, that slaps. And I'm like, I don't know what that means. Let me help you hook up your IV. I found myself in that like mother hen role, like where people are like, oh my gosh, I know a cross county. And I'm like, don't ask me, where's the grown up? grown up. I'm the mother hen, I'm the grown up, I'm the...oh. And it's like an honor to be in that place. I am so, I love nothing more than helping a new nurse find their confidence. Because a lot of times they know what they're doing. They know more than I do. They're fresh out of school. Like I've been specialized for a long time. There's a lot of stuff that I'm like. I don't know, we gotta look that up. And I love, love being able to help the new nurses. um And I love what I learned from the new nurses too, because I also don't think that because I've been in practice longer, that I can't learn anything from somebody else who comes in. And it's not even necessarily like, it's not lab value, it's not like a- practice change maybe. It's seeing the way they speak to a patient. It's seeing a different way of how they organize their chart. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. I'm into that. It's being inspired to see somebody that maybe reminds me of me when I was younger. um And being hopeful that there's still people that are coming in to bedside nursing. And what I want to do is instill a love of bedside nursing. I feel like lately what I see is bedside nursing almost feels like a stepping stone to something else. And it's not that I don't think it shouldn't be, but ultimately we still need people that love bedside nursing because we're always gonna be needed. And so I... I want to make it an enjoyable and fulfilling place to be for those that want to be there forever, for those that it is the dream, and for those that are maybe looking at it as a necessary evil, as a hoop they have to jump through to get to the next thing. uh And everybody was new once. Nobody stepped into their role as a nurse being like, I just know all this stuff. I'm fine. do, they scare the crap out of us. Yep, yep, yep. Like when someone comes to me and they're like, I'm sorry, I'm asking another question. I'm like, please ask me more questions. Ask me a question. Ask me a question just so that you are like, okay, I have the right answer. Ask it to me like, I think I should do this. Is that correct? Yes, it is. Or tell me why you think you should do that. And let's talk to that. You know, um, going on with that direction. So I Callie, I just man, I I'm so glad you took time to be on the podcast because that's exactly my heart. That's why this thing exists. That's why I started it now. Still just under a year ago. We're getting close. I'm about a month and a half. We'll be one year old. But um that being said, Callie, like I'm just listening to you and I'm looking I keep I. You know me, you know my character, when I say the following, I've been waiting for you to say, Eric, eyes up here, because, first of all, she's got this amazing vintage labor and delivery nurse shirt. But no, Callie, it's the small things. And when people enter the studio, you can enter whatever you dang well please for your name, first name, last name, whatever, and some people put their credentials and others don't. And I keep, like, when you talk about what you're talking about, I'm looking at what you put down below there, which is out of the, you nothing out of the ordinary, you know, for what the nurses see. Callie Allen, comma, RN, comma BSN, comma C dash EFM, your certification. And I just, keep looking at it and I'm staring at the damn comma in between the RN and the BSN. And it's like that tiny little thing. represents so much for you and an incredible gap between those letters and not necessarily the doubts. I don't know that I go so far as to you're doubting, but just the fact that you were like, my gosh, you climbed this mountain to get that R, the comma R in. And it could, the story could end there. There could be a period. There could be, but you went back and you added the comma and you added the BSN. And I just, I'm so freaking excited for where your life is going to take you. And you've taught me something today, because I've long held the standpoint that, same thing, I graduated with my associates. Great, I'm good. Maybe someday, I know I want to teach and if I'm going to teach, I probably need to get more. But I always said, the BSN doesn't make you a better bedside nurse. It provides opportunities that you may not have otherwise, but it doesn't make you a better bedside nurse. And yet. Today I'm proven wrong because I'm looking at the letters first of all. How have I never made the connection that BSN could also stand for bedside nurse, but also, right, bedside nurse, but that the BSN, I still will hold onto the fact that it doesn't make you a better bedside nurse directly. But listening to your story. It can make you a, can improve your, not your character, but it changes you fundamentally as a person, that additional education, the thoughts that you have to overcome, the imposter syndrome that you have to tell to shut the hell up, all of that makes you a better person, which then indirectly makes you a better bedside nurse. So, Callie, can't, ugh, I can't, I thank you so much for sharing your time. I don't want to, we're not ending yet. because there's still, we gotta circle uh back around to those three words that you used to describe nursing school. And I know you have one last thing to say after that. uh So let's start with that. What were the three words you used, you chose to, what are the three words you chose to describe nursing school and why did you pick? Nursing school is challenging. it's not, you know what's funny, Eric, is I struggled so hard with everything getting into nursing school. I had to retake anatomy. I did worse on every single test in anatomy. Every single test through the first time I took it, I did worse and worse. And I was like, my God, maybe I can't be a nurse. Physiology, I had to retake, okay? I struggled so hard. I got into nursing school. I got straight A's except for one B minus and I worked my ass off for that B minus. And I was damn proud of that B minus because everything just clicked and made sense to me finally. It was like I was putting everything together, but it was challenging because I was having to figure out like I was working in healthcare at the time. I was a CNA. was challenging because I had to separate real life, which is so different than what they're teaching you on paper, right? not NCLEX land, where you always have a doctor and you're always staffed and you're always have supplies. Like it was challenging to navigate and figure out how to get through it and how to not let myself quit. It was challenging to persevere through nursing school. The second word. is exciting. I will never forget how excited I was to get my, my acceptance as an alternate letter and my, my acceptance to the program. I drove to my mom's work. She worked for the state and I like made them let me in up to her office, to her room, to her office. And I handed her the letter. And she screamed so loud that people came running from their offices, like, what is happening in Cheryl's office? Something is happening. It was so exciting. It was so exciting to start. It was so exciting to start clinicals. It was so exciting to like walk that stage knowing that I had done the big thing and, and, and How's my NCLEX? That was so exciting. was so, my sister and I took our NCLEXs almost like a couple days apart. And to be able to call each other, yeah, we were like neck in neck. And to be able to call each other and talk about like, my God, how many questions you got, how many questions you get. Like it was so exciting. And I loved, I look back and it was hell, but it was also super great. Like I have friends that I still talk to. And I don't even live in Utah anymore. And they don't even live in Utah anymore. em And transformative. wanted to be a nurse forever, I thought I knew what nursing was. And until, like, if you know, you know, but like until you get into it, you don't, right? And then I was a different person from when I started nursing school, was like, oh, I just started nursing school, to when I walked for graduation, to when I sat down at that computer to take the NCLEX. accepted that job and like walked in and got to say like, Hi, my name is Callie. I'm going to be your nurse today. Mmm. And my BSN program was even more transformative than that. And I know that the next one is going to be transformative in its own amazing way. And every time I have done something to further my education and my specialty or the knowledge of my specialty, I am transformed. I am a different person the next time I walk into the room to do something. I took an implicit bias course and realized when I walked into a room and did the damn thing, I was like, my God. And I walked out and had to take a minute to be like, dude, you're part of the problem. of the problem. I didn't realize I was part of the problem. I'm part of the problem. part of the problem and I walked in and did it differently. I did it differently. And so I've said it a million times. I wish that I didn't love it because it would be easier to walk away. Because nursing is hard and it is not something that any of us do. We don't do it for the money. We don't do it for the insurance. Mm-mm. We don't do it for the schedule. We don't do it for the glory. We don't do it for the discount or the free donut. We do it because there's something in us that we're just wired differently. And whether you stay at the bedside forever or you continue on, if you start as a nurse, you're always a nurse. Yes. And there's just something about us. I think it's just knitted into our soul because we can't quit it. It never leaves you. And yeah, you know, yeah. is there to say? there is, there right there is the most glowing review of our career that anyone could ever have. And I've had the honor of hearing that in so many different ways from so many different people, but if nobody else gets anything else from this, it's that. It's that we work in the best career on the planet and it is something that changes you, it is something that changes other people, and you get paid to impact the lives of others. ah Yes. And who all gets to say that? Callie, so what is, uh again, please, anyone who happened to skip all the way to here just to hear her one piece of advice, go back and correct the error of your ways, because you've made a grave mistake. Go back and listen to the episodes. But for some reason, if someone's come all the way here and they needed just one piece of advice you'd give them, walking away from your episodes, what would that be? Never stop learning. Never think you know it all. Seek education outside of the yearly PowerPoint thing that you flip through as fast as you can every year to tick the box. Get certifications. Spend the money on conferences. Don't think that you can't learn from the little chickadee that's coming up behind you. I've learned from students. I have learned from new grads. I, you know, I've gotten burned out. I've been discouraged. I've felt like it didn't matter if I had more or less education. And now more than ever, education is such a gift. It is so powerful. It... is healing. It is so important. And if you think you've learned it all, I guarantee you haven't. And something's going to come and get you. When you think you've seen it all, you get that left fielder. And I think it is just so important for everyone to commit to being lifelong learners. Because Even if it's not information that's new to you, even if you're just hearing something in a different way, it can change you. It can change the way you think about something. It can, and you can learn from patients. You can learn from so many things, I think, in nursing, know, doctors, other nurses, nurses that live on bedside forever, new ones that are coming in. patients that share something with you that you're like, oh, I didn't think about that. That's a really good way of looking at that. I forgot how much I love to learn. And it just came flooding back to me going back to school. And it was hard. It was not easy. I have three kids. I am busy. I want to have fun too when I'm off. I don't want to sit inside and do school. But it, my gosh, I want to go seek out more certifications. like, what can I do before I start school in the fall? There's got to be something I could do this summer. Like, where's the next nursing conference? But it is, yes, it is, please just never stop learning. Don't listen to the critics. Don't, um don't sell yourself short. It is scary to pursue a dream, but boy, it's worth it when you get there. Do it scared. Do it scared. Nobody walks in to their first day on the job as a new nurse not scared. Nobody walks into a new unit, even if you've got experience, not scared about how the interactions are gonna be with the doctors or... Am I going to remember where that thing is or what's the policy here? But do it anyway. Do it scared. ah, Callie, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And if I haven't said it already, thank you for just being open and honest in bringing it today, because, uh, dang, dang, I'm so excited to hear it. Like we're going to I'm just I'm not even going to ask. I usually ask. I just know what your answer is going to be. So if this podcast keeps on going and a year or two down the road, we're going to be like, we're going to check back in with Callie Allen and that's in. yes, yes! Please. Callie, have an amazing rest of your beautiful, sunshiny day unless you're going to bed. yeah. Nah, adrenaline from the crazy night has worn off, but the caffeine has kicked in. baby, and your passionate, passionate discussion about nursing, man. You got me ramped up for the rest of the day. So thank you so much, Callie. Have an awesome day. thank you so much, Eric.