166 - Ally Tracy: You Make it Safe to Tell You

Join nurse educator and Hermon, Maine native Honored Guest Ally Tracy as she describes being a staunch opponent of the “eating our young” phenomenon, navigating an unnecessarily challenging nursing school situation, encouraging students to professionally and politely challenge her, being an advocate for future students while a student in nursing school, preferring perseverance over resilience, lessons learned from being a teenage runaway and teenage mother, speaking at an alternative high school, her journey into and through nursing to becoming an educator, her wake up call to her own personal health, keeping your eyes on the prize, and more!

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Transcript

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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Feeding Our Young® podcast. I am very excited for this recording week. Why? Well, because I get to sit with awesome people as I usually get to. But this week I have two Honored Guests scheduled over the course of this week, today being Monday. And with that being the case, this is Ally/ie Week. or Allison Week, whichever way you want to go. I actually have the honor of talking with two different Allies at two different points of this week. And so today, I just love how serendipity makes these things happen. And so today is Ally, Ally Tracy. Welcome to Studio Ally. How the heck are you? It's Monday and I'm still drinking my coffee. So we'll wake up eventually I love it. Well, Ally, let's, I don't want to waste any time because you've, based on what you want to share, I want to dive into your story. But beforehand, let's get to know a little bit more about you. And that is number one. uh Where is home for you? Where's your hometown? Where are from? grew up in Herman, Maine, which is right outside of Bangor and it is Bangor not banger has everybody tends to pronounce it. I was there for 31 years before I moved to the Northwest. ah And I saw that and I'm gonna I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little bit envious I'd like to make it that far northeast and have yet to do so partially because I'm a huge Stephen King fan, so there's that Yeah, I can, know right where his address is. I can show you it on Google Maps. Yeah, let's go. All right, we're going to Stephen King's house when we're done with this. uh Anyway, so I kind of established the fact that you are a nurse. Maybe I didn't establish that fact. This is going to be a fun, fun little recording between you and me today. But what degrees do you hold? Where did you get them? So I initially got my bachelor's of science in nursing in Maine, and then my master's of science in nursing education I got in actually via Western Governors University. My bachelor's I graduated class of December 2012, and then I got my master's was August of 2018. Hmm, and there may be more to that story? oh Yeah, question mark, I don't know. Because my coworkers and I go, yeah, we know you're the geek. I love learning, but also I love teaching. And I started my doctorate of nursing practice for educational leadership in April of last year. So expected graduation is next year sometime. I love it. Congrats in advance. You don't believe in jinxes, right? I can say that. no, no, no, no, no, you never say that. uh with that then, having plenty of experience in nursing school, what three words did you choose to describe nursing school? I chose brutal, endless, and rewarding. Mm-hmm. And I can't wait to talk about that at the end. But in the meantime, three of your favorite songs in life right now. All right, so I did not tell you, I have an eclectic playlist, like literally everything from Johnny Cash to Eminem. So the favorite songs is not, I mean, there's a plethora, but the ones that are on repeat right now would be Evolution by Floyd Wonder. It's in Michigan. It's got some funk to it. Ants Marching by Dave Matthews Band. That's a literal classic for me growing up and also very relevant. And then Woman Up by Meghan Trainor. Nice. Very good choices. Those will get added to the Feeding Our Young® Spotify playlist hopefully sooner than later. That's one of those side projects that I just have to update about every 10 or 20 Honored Guests or so. That being said, ah you and I discussed prior to uh starting this little shindig. I said I wouldn't get into any icebreaker questions, but you just opened the door for the one that I have to ask. As a self-referenced geek, do you have any fictional characters that you most closely identify with and why? this is so funny. Hermione Granger, I'm very much Potterhead, uh, also of the house Gryffindor. And most recently that became my zoom background too with the like moving fire. but she, she's the book nerd, but at the same point, like she saves her people and her friends, her best friends, like, or anybody just with her. knowledge that did you did you actually look it up, you know, ah and I love some of her eye rolls too when it actually came to the movies. ah Yes, I like the books better than the movie. But the fact that she can persevere and has the ingenuity to help others. Yeah. And I've actually taken care of patients that they had some sort of shirt on whether it was Ravenclaw or something. And they're like, don't tell me you're a Gryffindor. And I said, yeah, but I'm a geek. And they're like, okay, so you can be Hermione. And they literally called me that straight up. I didn't even have to say it. So yeah. I love this. And then, uh my goodness, I just think that's fantastic. And I love connecting with patients on that basis. I have, you know, from my Peds Oncology days, I've got all my, you know, Peds tops, right? Cartoon characters and things like that. That's just who I am. And I continue to wear them in Mother Baby. And I have one that's got this giant, like, Pikachu. And I'm not a huge Pokemon guy, but, you know, I was like, this is a great top. And it's one that I wear less often in my mom-baby because it's like, you know what I mean, it's not as common character that people would whatever. And I tell ya, I can't tell you how many times this happens, but one shift I was like, you know, I'm gonna wear this one. I I either to get it out of the way, I don't know, I was feeling it and I wore it and one of my moms that night, she had a stuffed Pikachu in her bed. And so, you she was all of her early 20s and you know, I, ah. hey, you need to. if I saw it, I'd be like, I choose you, Pikachu. Because I know some of the quotes, but I know nothing. I know nothing about when it comes to anime and things. So I will own that right now. But I do have, so we can wear t-shirts where I work now. And I have a t-shirt that I got off of Etsy that says, radiology nurse, because my letter never came. Ha Yes, I love that. absolutely love that. Okay, so Ally, I gotta ask you. ah You're on this podcast for a reason. I know there's stuff you wanna share, but legitimately, you said there was a letter that you had sent to HR. What the heck is that about when you're trying to get one of your jobs? I definitely don't have nearly the experience that some of your other people that have on this podcast, but was full-time ER nurse at the time and I had, I thought I had gotten my master's in nursing education to work in a hospital, but then I needed out. So ended up writing, looking at, I found jobs, WSU had jobs open and Dear Human Resources. nurses eat their young, comma. And I want to work to change that culture. And then went on and then, you know, but so that's what happened when I walked into my interview with Dr. Kate McAteer, she was interim vice chancellor at the time, I believe. She shook my hand and said, I have to ask about this nurses eat their young thing. And like, that was the first thing out of her mouth. And I've just experienced it as a CNA. I've experienced it. as a working nurse that other nurses are not. I just, don't like that culture and I have been working on it since 2019. Like I said, I thought I was going to go into being like an ER nurse educator in a hospital, clinical nurse educator, but I needed out sooner than later just for my own mental health. So I transitioned to WSU, but yeah, that is my, that's how my cover letter started. and I've been here since 2019. Which makes me feel late to the game. Here I am now just trying to help change the culture as of a couple years ago. So here we are, two people like-minded trying to do the same thing, nursing students. We don't want you to get eaten, we really don't. And we're gonna do our darndest to try and keep that from happening. Speaking of, Ally, you said you've experienced that on various floors or whatever the case may be, whatever you had just mentioned. However, as I understand it, you also had a, let's say, less than ideal nursing school experience, so. Traditionally, we go down this long rabbit hole of your nursing school experience, which I know is not the bulk of your story for our listening audience today. But I do know it plays a very important role in part of maybe what's informing your heart towards this. So talk to us about nursing school. so I did go to school in Maine. There's many nursing schools in Maine and colleges and things. So they were very do as I say, not as I do culture and, beat us down but did not build us up kind of thing. We were the first cohort in, I believe, five semesters that actually did get 100 % on our NCLEX, which is our licensing exam for those that are new to that. And when we received a letter in the mail congratulating us on this, but the letter was not great job persevering, it was how they were thanking themselves. for the job they did to get us where we got. And I honestly should have taken a picture of it first just for like to show people, but I literally grabbed a lighter and went outside and torched it. I was not even gonna have that in my possession, even though a picture would have been my possession, but like it was ridiculous. went, even one of my classmates passed due to medical malpractice, which was... believe verified, but in the final weeks of class. I think that was what honestly, I had a professor that said to me, she goes, the university is making me give you guys a final or else you can't graduate. But they can't tell me what to put on it. y'all are gonna pass because you've already been passing. There'll be maybe a couple new questions and new content, but the rest of it would be stuff that you guys have already done. And that I think was like, now that's the educator. That, I wish I could have had that from the beginning. But she, I think that's what sparked me on let's do things within our means. So yeah, she followed policy, because I'm very much a policy follower. rule follower I've been called by my bosses. ah ah But at the same point, like, I'm following the rules, but you're not dictating completely how I do it. So, I mean, we were not a completely cohesive cohort, but that was to have a death in your cohort. we have, yeah, it was, but the university says they can't pass unless they go to finals. They can't dictate what I put in my darn finals, she says. Oh, man, it sounds like your experience was one would maybe even say brutal. imagine that might lead to why you picked one. But, you know, and again, like the caveat here, of course, is the goal of this podcast, obviously not to poo poo any educational institution or organization that we work for and all the things. That being said, I, you know, I'd be a fool to say that every single nursing school program out there is just out there for everybody's best interest. Every educator. is out there for the student's best interest and it's just not true. So without dwelling too much on that, Ally, we're gonna kinda jump over a large portion of your life because I want to, we're gonna, and you'll see where I'm going with this, hopefully, uh between you, myself, my blonde hair and your ADHD diagnosis. Is that something, that's okay to, I was gonna say, is that something okay to mention? didn't even, okay. But uh anyway, so point is, ah You have that experience in nursing school and one of the things that struck me was just you're like, I don't want students to have that experience moving forward. And so the fact that you didn't get to be an educator in the hospital, you chose not to go that route and instead go down this road of academia. How does this inform you as an instructor today? Absolutely. My whole theory of my instructional is based off of, well, the experiences I went through. I also, I did come into this role and my coworkers would tell you as a high-strung ER nurse that was used to working with professionals. So I also had a resting brat face. I'll say that. So RBF was my thing because I just had no expression. because you have to just come into a room and own it and make people believe you develop a rapport and everything like instantly. So I was unapproachable at first is what I was deemed. um But I learned how to speak to 20 somethings eventually. um And I have finally showed them that I am not trying to be a dictator. run my, my educational theory is more along those lines of I'm trying to prepare you for your life, your professional life. You are entering into a profession that have any regarded profession. So let's start now. If you can communicate with me and advocate for yourself to this face that of course on podcasts you can't see, thank goodness. Then like you're gonna advocate for your patients. You're gonna stand up for your patients because if you can advocate for yourself to me I tell, students, I am not like, I'm not infallible. And I actually, got notified today that I had clicked incomplete on one of the assignments and they're like, I'm not understanding what I got wrong. What can I do and resubmit? And I went, my gosh, that was a misclick. I will fix it. I apologize profoundly. but you did just fine. So like, I want them to reach out to me. I want them to communicate me. I want them to professionally and politely challenged me. And that's what I tell them when I meet them. because that will set them up to advocating for themselves, to their own management, that will advocate for their ah patients, to the doctors that are above nurses, or least they feel like they are. Things like that, you know? ah But like, there's very much a instructor line. Like, I don't do any social media with students. You graduate, you can add me. Until then, no. but I want them to feel like they have a voice. Because even when we were at my university for my undergrad, we tried to get some change done as a group. And they basically told us, ha ha. But then I also did invoke some change in course progression policy. Their course catalog had told me that I could. basically graduate in the spring of 2012. And so I ended up having to go, I'm like another semester of fee, $7,500 plus. was an advisor that basically shafted me. And then, well now I said, well, if you're not gonna let me progress like your policy says, then you need to change the policy so you don't shaft anybody else. And I said it nicer than I'm saying it right now, but the policy changed. So that way it was clear. They, of course, that I logged the progression stuff clarified. So at least nobody else got stuck like I did. So I did succeed in doing that when I was in school, but politely professionally. those are the two key words I want to focus on there because, you know, modern society, we have certain, you know, members of leadership and whatnot for years now that have decided that that is no longer a necessary thing. And you know what I mean? And so it's all about, I think there's something to be said for advocacy, whether it's self-advocacy, obviously for patients, obviously for upcoming students or the people coming behind you in your organization, all of that. 100 % as long as it's professional, polite, respectful. You know what I mean? It doesn't even have to be polite. I don't like that word necessarily. But it doesn't have to be the brash, the opinionated, the, you know what I mean? I'm gonna tear you down so that you know how important what I have to say is. And with you sharing that, I'll call back this little, uh let's see, resting brat face. I've never heard that term. But this. RBF that you said you have, you know what mean? And these first impressions and... yeah, it's only called Bratton, you know, place, plate company. It's, is the B word, you know? Anyway, continue. There you go. resting, let's see what other B words can we put in there? Anyway, moving along. But the reason why I bring that up is because I love, know, when you first reached out to me and I'm seeing, and you sent me a picture of your classroom, I believe it was your classroom on the wall, and you have up there little reminders. your office, that's what it was. And it says little reminders, you are enough, it's okay to have bad days. Be kinder to yourself and don't believe everything you think. And A, I love that. You sent that to me in the context of here we are, some like-minded spirits. But B, these I feel like are an extension of what you've had to overcome in life. And I know this is kind of a big part of your story that you share with your students and now you get to share with other students. And that is, uh I'm half tempted to just say, Ally, the microphone's yours. I'm happy to interject here and there. But treat me as if I'm one of your students. I'm in your classroom. this, you know what I mean? Tell us about your story. What are these challenges that you have faced in life? How have you, I don't like using the word overcome them, but how have you navigated through them? Let's just start there and see where this takes us. Well, as long as you don't use the word resilient, which has become a catchphrase, I will be totally fine with whatever you say. um I just, I understand resilience is a thing, but everybody just uses it as a catchphrase now. And I just, it's, it's the hot phrase of the era, I guess. And I'm not, not a fan. I have to interject here, because we just came off the Super Bowl last night. You know what mean? My lovely Seahawks. Yay, go Seahawks! But, that's right, Maine. Anyway, we won't talk about that too much. That's what... No, I mean, you've had your... You know what I mean? You've definitely had your time in the sun, and will do so, for sure. I told my wife, said legitimately, and I told this to my best friend, who we watched the whole season and all the things together. He's a big Bucs fan. His wife is a Patriots fan. uh I told them, I'm telling everyone I know, I'm like, these two teams, we're gonna see a lot more of them. Bravel's doing amazing, know what mean, McDonald's doing amazing things. These two teams, incredible, and I love, if it weren't for my Seahawks being in the Super Bowl, I would have been rooting for the Patriots, which I almost wanna wash my mouth out saying that, no offense. I just, just to hear that team name come out of my mouth again. But it's amazing what they're doing over there. I just have to laugh though because honestly I don't follow football and stuff. I only just say I'm from New England just to be an instigator. So to watch you like try to eat your words is hilarious to me. Just saying. You like you just threw the hook out and I was like, there's some bait. Let me go for it I love it and and the sad thing and all of that is I was going somewhere with it and I completely I have no idea where I was going with it. So resume if you don't Exactly. Exactly Okay, anyway, and I forgot where I was. You said it was a huge... Nah, it's fine. the four things on your office wall and how we were just talking about challenges, navigating the challenges and things of that nature. So yeah. Yes. Oh! Resiliency! That was it! Resiliency! And so all I was gonna say is, so many times in the postseason, it didn't matter what game we were watching, I'm not talking Seahawks or New England specific, any post... If I had a dollar for every time... the commentators would say something along the lines of, this is an instant classic, Bob. I got so tired of instant classic and resiliency, you know what mean? I feel like that's kind of the same vibe, right? Like you're hearing it over and over and now it's being used in ways that maybe it wasn't initially intended for. Yeah, no, I did go to a Super Bowl party, I'll tell you that. And I did actually wear a Seahawk shirt, you'd be proud. ah But it was the one I bought in 2014 when I was working bedside and needed to, call it my native camo on Super Bowl weekend. So this is exactly the second time I've worn it in my life. Just throwing that out there. That's fantastic. anyway, no, just, resiliency has just been overused. So I, I am a fan of like perseverance. That's another P word, you know, because we had a couple of them going on over here. so perseverance, yes, I've had to persevere through life, but, I started as a teenage runaway. So I went out the middle of my, I went out my parents window at night. and never looked back for quite a long time. I, it has showed me a lot. So I was 16 and then thought I was, well, thought I had things figured out some, yeah, PS we don't at that age. And then also became a teenage mother. at that point, which would have already emancipated me or that would have emancipated me, but I went to court and took them there anyway, know, the divorced parents in court. I don't recommend that either. I don't regret. I do. I have one regret, but that's not the place for it. But I can say that I had to persevere through a lot. the baby daddy, then it was a domestic violence situation, restraining orders, many things. single mom for at least a few years before I met my next husband who is very, very good to me for 23 years. And, but through all of that, like I actually didn't think going to college or doing anything was going to be possible now that I became a teenage mom. So I do this talk. at a non-traditional high school here in the Tri-Cities. That's where I am if we hadn't established that. And I go to this high school every year for this. And actually they've started a different format. So they're like, you could come back once a month and you hit different students because it's a non-traditional optional high school. They actually have an onsite daycare. The first time I ever did this presentation, I was shaking mainly because I don't like to be in the spotlight. And I did have to do it in person. But at the same point, I found out I was sitting in the classroom with the person who was the faculty advisor for the onsite daycare. And some students walked in, I did three sessions, some students walked in and she's like, you need to sit down, you're gonna hear this. Like it's a high school students too, right? And she looks at the crew and goes, this is not your traditional type of job presentation today. Sit down. So they sat down and were very attentive. And I had a PowerPoint thing that I did send you so have a preview of my timeline in life. But ah I was supposed to be a computer engineer, Eric. I never went to school and then know, pregnancy and things and didn't think it was possible. And then I worked at the post office, carried mail for a while, worked processing at nights and things. Then the DV happened and I still worked for the post office just lived elsewhere. And then um still overcame, um persevered. I started in healthcare because I honestly needed a schedule around my kids life, like daycare. So I started in home health and did home health, uh home visits, it, dependent on what their, the case manager had found they needed was what I did. And that way my kid could go to the Y for the day. and then I could pick them up before the Y closed and then. It was a long journey. Just listening to at the risk of cheapening it, you know what mean? That is a summation of so many challenges that I can't even imagine. You know, there's so many people that would be like, how do we even make it through all of those? Right. Like, um so I guess because because you don't have like you said, you don't have that typical I always wanted to be a nurse ever since I was four or five years old. You know what mean? That's what I'm finding is that's not even the typical story, right? And so I guess why nursing then? And I feel like this fits like a glove with what you're saying. But why why nursing? How does how does nursing enter the picture there? So I was the home care aide and then I needed health insurance. So I went and worked in facility as a still more like a personal care attendant kind of thing and then assisted living facility. And I basically was doing almost CNA work at an awful place. It was a clean place, so just management was oh awful. So, but I wasn't getting paid CNA wage. So then I finally went and took CNA classes and stuff at a local nursing home and got my CNA cert. And that was stupid cheap. And I had to come together for a hundred bucks for a book. And that was enough, like at that time, trying to scrap together a hundred bucks, which then if you kept the book in good condition, they'd give you your money back. So you had to make it through without my kid hurting anything, right? Don't touch, no, no, no, no. ah And then that way I could get my 100 bucks back. And then I worked out my per diem commitment to them, but they also didn't have any open positions at the time. So I started looking for jobs and I ended up acute care hospital. And I was on a cardiopulmonary care unit where the whole hospital world opened up to me. I'd never seen a CAT scan before. I took a patient down to CT scan and I had never seen a brain on radiology. So I was like, oh, what's that? but also, they, that employer had tuition reimbursement and I went, wait, what? And if you worked full time, it was $2,000 a year. You just had to apply. I was going to community college or wanted to go to community college because I was there for more than a year before I figured out that they had. tuition reimbursement and things and maybe nursing would be fun. Cause as a CNA, I I definitely have the stuff I remembered on the floor, but that was where like Ally, I wrote that on the board one day and one of my patients goes, Hey Ally, well, you're also my ally, which it is spelled A-L-L-Y. And I was like, yeah, I am your ally. You know, I'm here to help you, you know? And then I would see the nursing schools come in. with the further clinical rotations and I knew exactly where I did or did not want to go to school. Just because of the way the students acted. But I also had the theory that my name was on these patients also. So what can I do to help you? Cause I know you guys are responsible for your patients, but what do you need for me? So I would check in with the students and make sure they had what they needed. And this was all in 2000. While I started working at that hospital in 2006, my kid had been born in 2000. It was 2007 that I started taking summer classes. So I did not have an infant going to school, but I definitely had a seven year old, wanted to know why I was spending my time into books and like writing papers. But was the spark of nursing was I fell into it because I needed a job that could go around my kids schedule when they were preschool age and I liked it. So I stayed. Yeah, I almost birthed out of necessity and yet here you are, not only an ally for your patients, but now for nursing students as well. And I just, I love that, I love that. And it's not to diminish anyone whose story is, I knew very early on I wanted to be a nurse. I think that's amazing. I think that's fantastic. I knew early on I wanted to be in healthcare, but nursing was not a thing that came to me for a number of years. And I don't know, like it just, don't... I love everybody's story because we all end up not in the same place, but a similar place, right? You and I here, we've both taken care of patients. We've both taught students. We're both, and because of these varying backgrounds, we all get to just feed into one another and kind of take a little bit from here and there. And part of that's the journey, right? And I don't want to, you know, at the risk of, again, just... shortening the experience that is your life, I know that you also want to talk about your career progression and to what degree that's typical versus atypical and maybe a very key lesson you learned along the way. So describe for us, you know, we kind of talked about nursing school. We've talked about where you are now. Let's fill in the gaps. You've gotten a nursing school. You know you want to become a nurse or now you get through nursing school, this brutal experience. You graduate. You get your NCLEX. What, how do you, fill in the gaps now. So what does your nursing career look like and what is it during that journey that you definitely want to share? I'm going to pull up my PowerPoint because that way everything's in front of me. I should say, I hope so. Wherever it went to, I love computers. Some days. Good thing I'm not a computer engineer, know, cracks me up some of the days anyway. So yeah, I, so I fell into it. Like I said, it was 2003. I fell and fell into it. And then I started working at that hospital in, 2000. 2006? Yeah, 2006. was April 2006, now that I remember. And I was there at that same hospital until I graduated in December of 12. And the manager didn't want to hire me on and gave some BS excuse, but we're not going to go into that. But I did start at another local hospital that I had done clinicals at that I was working as an EMS provider. I knew the people there. And actually when I was riding with a medic partner one day, I was a basic. And I very, due to my 'tism can do very separation of roles and things. So I didn't ever cross lines. And we'd get into some situations and they'd be like, Hey, and I was like, Hey, would you like me to set up a 12 lead EKG? Cause that was within my scope. But I sure as crap wasn't, uh I wasn't sticking anybody with an IV or anything like that, even though I definitely had the skills, right? But I'm not allowed to. So I was riding with a medic one day and I was like, We had gone to breakfast and he goes, you got your practicum, your capstone person, you know, where are you doing your clinicals at the end so you can graduate? And he, I said, I don't have one yet. I have been trying, but I don't have one. I don't have an in at a hospital. don't have like, nothing's working. And he goes, we got to go restock. We're going to go up to our hospital. And I said, okay. So we did. And he goes, we're going up here. He took me to the director of nursing's office and said, She doesn't have a clinical replacement yet. So what are we gonna do about that? Ally, meet her. And I went, huh? Like totally unprepared of anything. He of course didn't tell me he was gonna do any of this, right? And well, she goes, well, and actually this is our nurse educator and we were just talking about clinical placements. Where would you like to be? And that was how I got my clinical placement. Wow. Um, because we had to find our own. was not anything that, um, I know WSU sets up up for students based on where you want to go, but then I had to find my own and I had been working on finding, but I, there was not, not getting anything anywhere. And then all of a sudden I'm in the director of nursing's office and I was like, wait, what? Well, that's cool. And we walked out of there and I was like jumping and literally screeching a bit, in the parking lot. And he goes, That didn't seem all that hard. And I was like, you have no idea what I've been through. ah And to just walk in, he goes, well, you know me, should know me sooner. You know, like, dude, I'm not, I didn't think about using, and I can't say using, like, but it was a connection, right? So, and he was building me up. So it is what it is. ah I really appreciate him to this day. Because I really love that little hospital. But then as a family, we moved out here in 2013 and my first job was actually out in Prosser. And I stayed on there for almost 10 years, just short of making my 10 year pin, but I had too much on my plate. And uh we'll get to that in a bit here, but I've worked at, m I worked in downtown Pasco. That was a eye opening, eye opening deal. January of 2014, I was a white kid from Maine and now I'm in Pasco. Culture shock. After Pasco, I went to Kennewick. I was not a good fit there. And then I started shortly. I already had my job lined up at WSU, but just I was new to academia and completely new. had honestly no idea what was getting into, but now I have no regrets. did some of that travel, like I said, and I couldn't sit on my couch. I was literally sitting there. I felt like I was getting a bed sore. And... Mm-hmm all of the Zoom meetings and teachings and things. And I was like, put me in coach. I've got skills. I've let my friends, like, I still see my friends going through this. And I just, I went and did some short stints and got prices pay, which was nice. um And ah in all of that time, that was when I, cause I put that money away and put that money into me later on. was nice. Then I do work at a, So I'm still, WSU, I'm still a 1.0. My workload will be changing a bit. The queen of workload is working on it, but I'm in fall transitioning away from the bedside clinicals that I've been doing and I'll do peds and still teach health assessment. because my workload hasn't changed a huge amount since I've been here, but as I've gotten older, I need a change of just, work on my body. gets bedside nursing is demanding, just physically, mentally. And then, my students were going to department at one of our local centers here that I had no idea existed. It's imaging nursing and it's all of the skills I use in the ER procedural sedation. But instead of yelling clear and like doing a uh synchronized cardioversion, was, uh and still am, doing procedural sedation for painful procedures like a chest tube insertion or a drain or a biopsy. And I'm one-to-one with a patient. I don't have to do lead nurse. I don't have to get yelled at or, well, I was assaulted in Pasco, um physically. And, you know, I get to do the feel-good side of nursing. And then I also cross-trained to another department within that same hospital, just because it's a lot of the same things and they had some needs. So I do some pre-post like before and after cath lab procedures. So prep and catch basically. little bit different setup than the imaging, but I still lot of the same providers. I just had to learn a lot for different assessments, how to manage arterial sites and things. Honestly, I love to learn, so it worked. But yeah, that's my basic progression in there. Yeah, and there's a bit in there you said we'd come back to. What was that bit? So in 2021, that was when I found out that I had not been taking care of myself. was doing some travel nursing for DiEM stuff, and I had just gotten back from a night shift and went to bed on a Saturday night. And all my peeps knew that I worked night shift and do not disturb is a great thing. But in uh March of 2021 was when this all happened that when I woke up later on, I found a message that said, Ally, if you're awake, call me. It's about Jeff. And then I got a call me when you are awake. We need to talk. And it's from another buddy of mine. So remember I've worked ER. you get very close usually with your coworkers, EMS, ER, uh, the nurses, the techs, the doctors, but also police. And he knows I'm to talk about them today and he still takes credit for this. But Jeff Cobb officer in Pasco takes credit for being the one. tipping point that sent me to therapy. And he's still laughing about it when I told him I was going to be talking to you. He goes, but buddy, am I wrong? Are you wrong? Like, it's, it's, it's correct. You know, for those who have seen your episode tile, that is the picture. So if you guys are seeing the picture and you're like, and you're like, who who's this guy with it? Like, what's going on? Like that's this is the story right here. So called this friend of mine who said, Jeff's not in good shape. He is in ICU in Spokane. ah The general gist of it was that uh his parents had come back to find him at the house and he was very disoriented. And at first, the dad thought he was exposed to some drugs at work because that can happen. mean, that happens to nurses too, fentanyl exposure and things. But then they ended up taking him to the ER and he only listened to the charge nurse who he knew from his childhood. And he had a spontaneous brain aneurysm and they drilled his head in the ER and put some, whatever the fancy neuro stuff is, still, I never looked into it because yes, I love to read and learn, but I couldn't. bolts, I believe is what they're called, but, put some bolts in his head and shipped him off to Spokane. And, yeah, that was the first friend that I had when I moved to Washington, introduced him to, he introduced himself to me in the ER. He's like, ah, welcome, you know. And I never realized he's the only one who never went away. So, and now he's intubated and critical in an ICU that I can't get into, P.S., because even if I was family, it's COVID times, remember? So, then I also, so that happened Sunday was when I got told that he was already there. Like all of this has happened while I was sleeping, working and then sleeping. And then his, one of my former students who's remained a friend, at least a social media ad tab friend, said, hey, um Jeff's mom reached out for your phone number. She was going through his social media stuff and realized that you should be one that she should contact. So she's going to be calling you. I went, wait, what? OK, but she called me on a Tuesday while I was at clinical. And I know exactly where I was in the hospital. when my legs pretty much went up underneath me when she was telling me everything that went down. But she's like, I saw just the random fun pictures we had taken. He's the person that could, I thought I left my gas fireplace on when I left my house once. But I could not, I was already almost to where I was needing to be, which was out of town. And he went by and checked it. He'd go by and take care of my dog. He would dog sit, he would do all the things. Even though we hardly hung out technically outside of work, like we'd gone to breakfast a couple times and come over now and then, but it was not a, not somebody you'd be like, this is my bestie. But he was the one friend I still had since I moved here. So yeah, that was the tipping point when I realized that I had not been taking care of myself as an ER provider. ah And I ended up ah literally finding a therapist right after that. And I've been with that person ever since. I eventually did, so I did talk therapy for more than a year I decided to start some meds. And then the combination and take care of myself today, much better. Yeah. I tell students because I'm working with them in their first assessment class of their first, cause it's like junior year when you get to your nursing classes in WSU. So I talk to them openly that I see a counselor, that I take medications and there is um PTSD in nursing and in many trauma in my life in general, remember DV. So, I just didn't take care of myself. I focused on the patients first and I, there was a quote from my EMS instructor that I continued to not say or not tell to myself, which was who's going to rescue the rescuer. So you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anybody else. So I started saying that to my patients all of the time, or not patients, ah sorry, students. And as soon as I started that, like that was another turning point with the students that they figured out that I really was there for them. because they would come to my office and be like, can we chat? And like, I'm not a licensed anything, you know? But also they wanted to communicate to say, Hey, I have a doctor's appointment before orientation. And I just want to let you know that I might be just a little bit late because I have to go from there to there, you know? But I'm going to get back on my antidepressants. And I was like, well, you didn't need to tell me that last part. All you need to say was you had a doctor's appointment and they're like, But they looked at me and this is when I like finally realized I was getting through was, but you make it safe to tell you is what they were saying. You make it safe to tell you. So, um, I'm cause I'm not going to judge them, dude. I'm over here. I've got a great med manager and, but I can communicate with them, you know, and, a neurologist once called my ADHD and ER asset. And I was like, yes, cause we can do anything like, in five things at once and start these tasks over here and you But I still needed something to calm it, to use it as a superpower. ah but yeah, reading people, having that kind of superpower to read people has been nice because you can read a lot of body language, pick up on a lot of things easier than others. no, so Jeff sent me to therapy and he was laughing, like I said. And just so everybody knows, how is Jeff doing today? He's fantastic. He actually is his goofy self. He's actually back on the job. He went back on the job a few years ago. He's been a few, he does not remember a few weeks in ICU. He does remember MedSurg. He remembered all of his passwords. It didn't affect that part of his brain. But he then, like they finally, he's had his follow-up scans and things. He had to go through occupational therapy and I believe. PT, but at least OT. had to learn how to walk again, but also on like uneven surfaces. So anybody who does neuro, it was that part of the brain. I also do have pictures that um I'll ask him if I can send to you that you could put in somewhere ah of this is what a normal brain is supposed to look like. Cause it's the after picture. And this is a brain on like before the verapamil. ah But he went through a lot and then he's back on the job and he has a lovely scar, but that's the scar that kept him alive. So I went and saw the provider eventually, because I know the ER provider that took care of him and of course, and said, Hey, thanks for saving Jeff. And he goes, Yeah, I've gotten thanks. And I've gotten hmm, did we really need to? Was this necessary? uh But Jeff is definitely unique, but that picture that I also sent you got shared. I took him to meet in person, not in person, but in picture, the Duck of Justice in Bangor, Maine Police Department. And that was the picture I held up with the Duck. And honestly, the post still exists on their Facebook page, but it's the Bangor, Maine Police Department, Duck of Justice, well, the Duck of Justice is within the department, whatever. ah But he loves the writer, Tim Cotton. He started that writing with the blessing of the chief and ah he really liked the posts and stuff. So when I was headed back home, I was like, I have to go see the Duck of Justice and I'm going to take Jeff in picture and the commentary on it, because of course it got shared, ah has some of his local Trisidians piping in. It was freaking hilarious. ah my gosh. he's like, you got me on a Facebook page of 50,000 some odd followers. That's interesting. Well, and I love that the takeaway from that though, you you talk about that being the scar that saved his life and I love the way you phrase that, but it sounds to, I don't want to say to a lesser extent, but in a different extent, it's the scar that's changed your life as well. uh You know what I mean? Like it's set you on a Yeah, it's set you on a path that you weren't uh necessarily going to take at least at that time. So I really appreciate that. uh I, you know, I, gosh, I wanna talk all day with you and I know that you obviously could do that. uh But it, no. Well, where we go from here is unless there's anything else glaring that we're missing that you definitely wanted to share because you've hit all the points that I, in my brains, I knew you said you wanted to make sure that students knew about and things of that nature that I think is just gonna help them tremendously. I guess I have one last closing question before we do our traditional closing questions, and I like how you answered this, but through this kind of challenges thread that runs through your life, personal, professional, and with friends and things of that nature, um again, the way I don't like to phrase it, how do you overcome them? But I loved your response to how do you work through your challenges as you have faced them and continue to face them? I always just focus on what's my end goal. put my eyes on the prize, which is what I tell the students constantly. Keep your eyes on the prize. You're almost there, like one semester at a time. And do break it into little goals, not just, I need to get through nursing school, as well. I need to get through the first month, honestly, the first week sometimes. And then, but I love puzzles, part of my tism. so I just keep working through it until I figure it out. But I was a teenage mom who thought it was completely impossible for me to go to school, who then got to go to school. and then just have kept the momentum up. And I, I just don't want people that listen to this to give up. Like it might seem impossible some days, but I don't just don't give up. My doctoral chair, Dr. Moore, she gave me a phrase that is now in my signature because I needed it somewhere. She said, tell those brain goblins to take a hike. You're exactly where you need to be. So that's where I put that whole don't believe everything your brain thinks is tell those brain goblins to take a hike. You're exactly where you need to be. Ugh! So she is for me what I try to be for my students, and I just want them to succeed. Because if you got this far and you got into nursing school, then I'll be your biggest cheerleader to the end. I have had a dance party. It's on video, by the way, because I made sure it was a dance party at the Toyota Center for WSU when ah We, one of the students was thought they were gonna have to drop out in their second semester, or their literal final semester thought they were gonna have to drop out. And I was like, we are gonna round the wagons and make this happen. And it, yeah, I said, we'll have a dance party. We had a dance party on the pinning stage, a couple nights before the actual commencement. And then we had a dance party at the line when we greet them off, coming off the stage. So I just. I even like cued the photographer to say, we're gonna have a dance party once all of these guys show once the crew got there, so we have some like great still shots of it too, but I had a audience member recording it, so we got it all. I just got, I literally have goosebumps. my gosh, my friend. All right, well, on that high note, let's turn around and remind us what three words did you pick? I'm just laughing because I know what the first one is, you know what mean? Like we're going from that to the first word. And so what were those three words? Yeah, what were the three words and why did you pick them? Well, brutal. Working mother, not a greatly cohesive cohort. one of my classmates, even though we weren't close, they did, they passed. They died due to medical malpractice that was confirmed about three weeks prior to graduation. So they had, it was that professor that said, well, they're making us do give you finals or else you can't graduate. But the fact that They don't dictate what I put on my finals. She made sure we passed. she gave us all content that we'd already learned. So a few new questions, right? But at the same point, just knowing not everyone's gonna have that experience, but like it's brutal because there's high expectations. These are people's lives that gonna be in your hands. So we hold you to high expectations because you are going to have an effect and we want it to be a good effect after not a bad one. endless. cause are we there yet? Um, when I started, didn't mention that I started taking classes part-time, at community college. I took my paid time off, my PTO to go to class. made my deal with my boss because I had every other Thursday or Tuesday, was a work day and that's when classes were. So I would come in, work seven to noon, and then go to class, take my PTO for the rest of the day. and then I, once I transitioned to university, I went per DM anyway, but, um, and then after you graduate, you're still always learning, always learning. like literally nursing school is endless because being a nurse is endless education. And, but it's a good thing. And that there's the rewarding part. I don't have any regrets of the path that I took. And besides some of the instances I wish I could have prevented, but you know, they've led me to who I am today. So the patients I've helped, the differences I've made, very rewarding and I wouldn't give it up. So. Ugh. I love it, I love it, I love it. You have one piece of advice to give to the listening audience. What's the one thing you want someone to walk away from, knowin'. Well, I had two, so you're gonna have to decide, because I could not decide. So you can be the 50-50, okay? no, here's how this is gonna work. You're gonna give us the second one first and then the first one. It'll be great, unless they feed off each other. Let's just play it backwards, let's go. Hey, whatever you're gonna do, you're the guru. Be a good human, because you'll never know the impact that you will leave on others. My other one is know your why. Why am I here? What am I doing? Stick to it and don't give up. Mmm, excellent. Ally, I cannot thank you enough for taking time out of your Monday and just sharing your heart, your life, and your friend, and your wisdom. So thank you, thank you, thank you so very much for reaching out to me. This has been a pleasure. Yeah, I did not know that your podcast existed I'll own that right now, but it was one of the other faculty members that mentioned it to me and not because they were on it, but because somebody else I knew was on it. They're like, hey, you should go watch this. Listen. And um I did. And then I was like, my gosh, I need to reach out to him because doing this presentation of my path to local high school only reaches the people I talk to. But maybe we'll get you a little bit more promoted because once I see that I have the shareable links on this, I will get it spread around. I just need people to know that nursing school doesn't have to be awful, but also it can be awful, but you're in it for a reason. So you can make it through, you can persevere. And just because we're faculty does not mean that we are out to get you. Amen, hallelujah. I mean again, most of us, that's for sure. I would hope it'd be most of us anyway. I can't thank you. You know, just said the whole making it through and all that business. Like I'm sitting here, as we go through this, you guys, I'm looking at the time. Like this is the last little two bits we have here. you know, I'm taking notes of things I want to ask Ally so I make sure I don't forget. And I'm also, if I think of a good like episode title, I'll try and jot that down while she's talking, try and remember it. And so because I'm definitely not going to use it, I have to share it here just because it tickled me to no end. I feel like, Ally, that you have given us an instant classic story of resilience. That's why I'm not using it, people. If you're just kidding, listen to the second half. Go back. You'll see why this is all that all of that was stupid all of it was stupid. So I appreciate it You're like I am done with this yes, yes Just don't use the Q word. If you use the Q word, you might just get alienated by everybody. saying. Amen to that. Alright, Ally, you have a wonderful rest of your day, my friend. You too.