173 - Bente Gilbertson Pt 1: Every Day Is A Little Bit More

Join nurse and Minneapolis, Minnesota native Honored Guest Bente Gilbertson as she delicately and powerfully opens up about the accident that completely changed the trajectory of her life and career, her incredible recovery journey, using her indomitable spirit to overcome feelings of wanting to give up, the outstanding care she received at Craig Hospital in Colorado, the importance of dignity and privacy in nursing, her profound sadness not being able to be a bedside nurse anymore, and more!

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Transcript

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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Feeding Our Young podcast. There are moments in life um that can change the trajectory of your life. for the rest of your life. And anyone who is a longtime listener knows that's kind of our story. My wife and I experienced the death of our son after an accident many, many, many years ago, going on 23 now. And that's not what this episode's about, nor am I going to be talking about it a whole lot, except for whatever comes up in the natural course of conversation. If you want more details about that, an Honored Guest and I talked about that back in episode 49. We talk about the accidents. that shaped both hers and my life in separate accidents and all the things. And the reason why I bring this up is because today's Honored Guest is most certainly not defined by an accident. However, ah she did have an accident that occurred a while back, and it has absolutely changed the trajectory of her life. So before I introduce her, I just want to make sure that everybody out there, we're gonna... This isn't a somber episode by any means. This is one of the most inspiring human beings that I have the pleasure of knowing and that you're gonna get the pleasure of meeting. But that being said, accidents aren't really fun things to chat about. So I don't know where we're going with this. Neither of us really do. We're gonna, I am gonna lead off with this though. We're gonna start off with the opening questions and all the things, and then we're gonna talk about this momentous. uh situation that changed the trajectory of her life because I guess the takeaway that I really am hoping everybody just leads off with and this is a good reminder for myself included is that your life can change at any given moment and this can sound like a very pessimistic thing to say you know live today like it's your last my gosh but the truth of the matter is anything can happen at any time and so I hope that when you're done listening to this amazing human being that you don't take a single day for granted, um and that you come away as inspired as I am by this lovely human being. So without further ado, I'd like to welcome to studio uh former coworker and dear friend, Miss Bente. uh Let's just right out of the gate, tell us who are you and where is home for you, my friend? Hi Eric. um So my name is Bente. ah I am originally from Minneapolis, Minnesota. That's where I was born and raised. But I'm kind of from all over the map. um Actually lived in a few different states and finally ended up here in Washington. And I am so grateful you did. uh My time with you, I feel like, was far too brief. uh It definitely was, definitely. So Bente, what degree, we've kind of already let the cat out of the bag, form a co-worker, that means obviously you're a nurse, so what degrees do you hold and or are chasing and where are you getting them from? I graduated from nursing school in 2004. So this coming May, I guess I will have been a nurse for what, 20, 22 years? Yeah, 22, oh my gosh, 20, oh my gosh. Okay, so I'm old. So 22 years, I graduated. were 12, it's fine, it's okay. that's so sweet. I wish. um I graduated from Pikes Peak Community College in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I am currently trying to get my BSN and after that I plan on getting my MSN for teaching. Oh my gosh, you would make it a most amazing teacher and we'll talk about why here later, but okay. I'm getting ahead of myself, which I try, I promised myself I wouldn't do. So the other two standard opening questions, Bente. What were the three words you chose to describe nursing school? Okay, so I chose terrifying, intimidating, and a blast. Oh yes, and we're going to talk about why you picked those at the end of your episode. But what are three of your favorite songs in life right now? Okay, this was hard because I love music and I listen to all genres of music and I don't know. I had a hard time picking three, but I went off the three that I've most played recently on my playlist and that would be Dirt Road Anthem by Jason Aldean, Ordinary by Alex Warren, and Hard Fought Hallelujah by Brandon Lake and Jelly Roll. Very nice. I, oh, that last song right there. my gosh, Hard Fought Hallelujah. I feel like that might define your life, my friend. Well, that, guess that makes a perfect segue into what we're gonna start off with. And to be honest, dear listener, I debated, you know what I mean? Do we just start with this topic and like risk going down this dark hole? But I know that Bent is so inspiring that I think that we can get away with it. So. I'm gonna, I wanna turn the mic over to you and I'll definitely ask questions as they come to mind and that sort of thing. But you experienced a very significant accident. um And I remember when we received the news, like how devastating it was for us who know you and all the things and how worried we were for you and all of that. But it's not about us, you're the one that went through it. So if you'd like to, I know that this accident stemmed from you being a very adventurous lass. You know, and none of this is your doing. You know, it was something completely out of your control. But why don't you just take the reins and what the heck happened? And how long ago did this happen? Okay, so back in July 2024, I was actually getting ready to go to work. This was July 15th. And I ride motorcycles. I ride motorcycles and it was beautiful summer day. and I decided that I was gonna ride my bike to work. tried to ride as... sorry, which you have done uh many times before, correct? Yeah, yeah, every day that it was nice weather, I take my bike to work. Yeah, so I work night shifts in labor and delivery. And so that day, I do remember it being really hot. And I was kind of debating, do I really wanna take my bike or should I take the truck with air conditioning? riding. I love riding, so I was like, no, I'm going to take my For some reason that day, I chose to wear my leather vest instead of like the full jacket with armor that I normally wear. was really odd because I don't ever wear just a vest when I ride. If I wear a vest, I ride it over armored jacket. But whatever, for that day, I chose to wear the vest. So got on the bike. I left a little early because I like to get to work early and just kind of chill and cool off um after riding. And I didn't get very far actually. And you know, they say that most accidents happen within five miles of your home. And this certainly did. I live kind of far out. I live about an hour away from work. and I think I made it about three minutes. So what happened was, is I was on my bike, I was on highway two, going highway speeds, so 60, 65 miles per hour. And there's a T intersection where another rural highway connects with highway two. And there was a man in his car. who was making a left-hand turn onto Highway 2, and he claims he didn't see me. And as I was getting ready to pass that intersection, he just turned left right in front of me. And I hit the side of his car at highway speed. um And that was that. I don't remember anything from that day. I don't remember the accident. But here's kind of the amazing thing to me. the time, I was also working at my local rural hospital as a labor and delivery nurse. And very small hospital, you kind of know all the employees. And one of my friends who worked in the emergency room as a tech was also a paramedic. And he happened to be working that day and he also happened to be first on scene. yeah, oh my gosh, I'm not gonna cry. That's okay if you do, because I'm already choking it back. So he came on, he was first on scene, he saw me, he recognized me, looked at me and without even having a second thought, he said, the bird, which is lifelike. And that saved my life because I was bleeding internally. This wasn't any injuries that you could see. For the most part, my skin was intact, everything was kind of intact. But for some reason, that was his first thought. So I ended up being life flighted to Sacred Heart, which is where I was on my way to work. I needed uh six units of blood and three units of plasma. and uh I had broken bones. I mean, I broke both arms. I broke my wrists. I broke my pelvis in two places. I broke my I broke my ribs and I broke my shoulder. And after all was said and done, I ended up a C4, C5 tetraplegic um with the added bonus of a brachial plexus injury on my right side. woke up in the ICU and had no idea what had happened. I couldn't move anything except for my head. You know, I could talk and I could move my eyes. I could look kind of side to side, but I could not move my arms or legs and it was terrifying. Yeah, so that was the start. of a very long recovery process. I ended up in ICU for a little over a week. Then I was in Maine Hospital for, I don't know, week or two. And then I went to long-term care for two weeks while they waited for a bed at Craig Hospital in Colorado, which is the most amazing rehabilitation hospital in the United States, in my opinion, and many other opinions out there and I was so lucky to end up there. My recovery has been, I have to remind myself of this, an amazing journey because like I said, when I started, couldn't move anything. And now today I am ambulatory. I can walk with a shuffling gait. It's not pretty, it's not fast. uh I have had a few falls and uh it's just part of the journey of learning how to live. in this new body uh with this new set of rules that you just take for granted. had to learn how to eat again. I had to learn how to walk. I don't have a lot of core strength. when I lay down to go to bed, it's on my back and that's it. can't. move my position at all during the night. So if you can just imagine what it might be like to lay down on your back and then that's it. You can't move for the rest of the night. You can't turn on your sides. You can't pull up your covers. can't take off. pretty amazing how much we take for granted. And now it's kind of the norm for me. I do still use a power chair to get around. you know, big spaces. I can't walk forever like at a store, you know, we go out and maybe go to the fair or something like that. I'm in my chair for sure. So yeah, that has that's what happened and that completely changed my life. Just a split second, somebody else's poor decision and life is completely altered. Yeah, yeah, and I, I, Bente, just, I'm like, thank you for sharing that. um You know, there's, there's, I, I can't, words can't describe all the things I'd want to ask you, all the things that I feel for you, not, you know, I, you know, my accident with my son, like it was, you know, very similar as far as like waking up and not realizing, you know, like, Where the heck am I? My wife said that I asked multiple times, you know what I mean? Why am I here? What happened? Because I had a concussion. These two are not comparable, not in any way, shape, form. But you're taking me back to those moments where you're just like, you wake up and you're like, it's like you're waking up from sleeping and yet you find yourself in a whole new world, a whole new reality. And so, I mean, I asked this generic question and I hate the way I phrase it to people. know, a lot of times we'll talk about challenges in life and how do you quote unquote overcome them or navigate them or go through them. But I been to, if there's anyone that I want to ask, like you're still, you're literally still standing. You're standing again. You're pushing forward. What inspires you? How do you keep one foot in front of the other after something so horrific. I mean, on the flip side, did you ever feel like giving up? Like, what is that like? Yeah, boy, in those early days, I said I did not want to live like this. Like, I can't live like this. um I was such an independent person, very stubborn, very set in my ways. If I wanted something, I went and got it. You know, it just didn't, and I've always been that way. You know, when I was in high school, I wanted a horse. So I saved up all my money and I bought a horse. Like it just, you can't stop me. You can't stop me once I get something in my, in my brain. so I remember being in ICU after they extubated me and they were trying to kind of slowly wake me up. And I just remember saying over and over again, just let me die. Just let me die. Um, because I didn't want that life. That was just not acceptable to me. I didn't want Kind of as my rehabilitation recovery has progressed, I don't want to stop. My life isn't over. I have been given the most amazing opportunity to have a second chance. And that's not an opportunity many people who are in motorcycle accidents have, unfortunately. And just very quickly, that being said, everybody who gets on a bike knows the risks. Nobody gets on a bike thinking, oh, I'm so well protected and everything's fine and if I get an accident, I'll be fine. We all know what it can happen when you swing that leg over. So, not naive to the risks at all. I might have been a little naive, like everybody I think might be to the it won't happen to me part, you know. I was a very safe rider, just kind of like head on a swivel, overly observant and careful. You know, if I see somebody who I think might be pulling out in front of me or changing lanes or whatever, you know, I'm slowing down. I'm giving them room. I'm giving them space. I'm not trying to fight, you know, for, cause I'll lose. I will lose. and you know, in this case, you know, the, the trooper said that there was Like I just didn't even have time to break or think or do anything. There was no time to maneuver. He just right in front of me, bam, that was it. So, having been given this kind of second chance, you know, I have a family, I have kids, I have a beautiful life and just can't stop. I gotta keep pushing. It's hard. I cried at times, so many times I've cried because I can't do things the way I used to. And I have to remind myself and I have to remember that I'm doing more than I did on that day of the accident. And every day is a little bit more. Something moves a tiny bit more. My balance is a tiny bit better. My brain, my thinking, my speech is just a little bit better. And that's what keeps me pushing forward. I can't. I knew this was going to be a hard one. ah I think thank you. Thank you for sharing that. uh Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I gotta collect myself here. um So, I mean, and it sounds like, and I don't know, you know, everyone has different beliefs when it comes to faith and things of that nature. know, some are like, this was pure blind luck. Others are like, this is a miracle. And I don't care whether you're a person of faith. think miracles exist regardless of You know what mean, the overall discussion is there a greater being out there that cares about us all the things. But to me it sounds like there were just so many miracles along the way. mean, how do you end up in that hospital in Colorado from Washington, for example? Like, how does that even happen? uh that was amazing. So when I was at Sacred Heart um still, they gave me two options for rehab. I could go to Craig Hospital in Colorado, or I could go, and I can't even remember the name of it, but it was uh another rehab hospital in Idaho. uh They flew a representative from Craig out to Sacred Heart to meet with me. And the spiel that she gave was so encouraging and filled with hope that I immediately, I was like, I need to go there. That is where I need to go. I belong there. And so I said yes. like I said, I had to wait for a bed. It was about two or three weeks, I can't remember exactly. And they, flew out there via medevac. So on this tiny jet, Learjet, they loaded me up on a stretcher and they flew me out there. And from the minute I was in those doors, I had a whole team on my side and a whole team that that's all they did was spinal cord injuries. That's all they did. And I felt so safe. I felt so safe and so, um gosh, I don't even, I can't even describe the feeling. You know, as soon as I was in that room, there were five or six people at my bedside and they were all, you know, making sure I was comfortable and cleaning me up and changing my gown and Just making sure that I had everything I need feeding me, you know, it wasn't even about you know, what's your insurance and you know what all that technical and Non-clinical stuff it was just it was amazing and You know, they just kind of slowly eased me into rehab, which was five or six hours a day Mmm. to different places and working on different things. And the whole journey was amazing. I was there for, I think, three months total. um And yeah, they were from just being in bed, not being able to move, to being in a power wheelchair and learning some independence. It was just, it was great. It was great. I- liberating to say the least. Absolutely. Yeah. And I imagine there was a lot of education there as well. know, like these are, did they have previous success stories? You know what I mean? I imagine there's a lot on the motivational side of things too there. Mm hmm. Yes. Yeah. There was a lot of crying at Craig a lot. uh I had this really amazing tech uh for night night shift and he was so uplifting in his words and so encouraging. And he told me he said, you're going to walk again. He said, don't worry about it. You're going to walk and. Oh, how do you know that? You can't know this and my life is over. I can't work anymore. I can't be a nurse. I can't do anything. I'm stuck in this chair. What do you know? And he just, he never quit. He never quit. He told me success stories of patients he's known in the past. He never let me give up on myself. And he was right, you know, I, when I entered Craig Hospital, I told myself I was gonna walk out of those doors ah on discharge day. And that didn't happen. It didn't happen. I went out of there in my chair and it was kind of devastating for me, low key. But here I am today and I can, get out of this bed by myself and I can walk to wherever I need to go. I can feed myself, I can dress myself, I can shower myself. These were all things that I had to have somebody else do for me in the beginning, which is so humbling. And boy, as a nurse, let me tell you, first of all, nurses make the worst patients. Everybody knows this. Everybody knows this. We make the worst patients. but it was, it was so humbling as a nurse to have, uh, an insight into what it was like for my patients, you know, when you have to turn over all of your care to, to a stranger that you've never met before. when they see you completely naked, when they have to help you toilet. and bathe and do all of these things that you normally do in private. um Boy, was that eye-opening for me. And it made me really grateful that in my nursing career, privacy and dignity were always big things for me as a nurse. And I tried my best to always make sure my patients were covered. that they were as comfortable as possible during uncomfortable situations. If a doctor came in and just pulled the gown up and whatever, I pulled the blankets up, I pulled the gown down, I made sure that what was exposed, what needed to be exposed was the only thing exposed. um And I can really look back now and be proud of that because Being the patient myself and having to go through that, boy, is it humbling and humiliating and eye-opening for sure. Oh, Bente, I just, ah I, and it's something that right now we've no stranger to as a topic on this podcast, you know, these things that I tell my students, like, you know, even something as simple as, because we do fundal exams, right? Postpartum. It's something as simple as that. And yet there's still a degree of exposure. Sure. It's a lot less than while a mom is laboring. and all the things, but it's still an exposure. You're still invading somebody's bubble. You're still exposing something, making someone more vulnerable. And so even in the moment of like a C-section patient who you're like, okay, so this is, and I'll describe what we're going to do. Is this okay? We seek permission. And then before doing it, I'll say, and I use these words and I make sure that my students use these words. I'm like, or new hires, whatever the case may be, but you say, Before we do this and I expose you in this fashion We do need to see your c-section incision which will involve pulling down these mesh panties or whatever I said, but I will leave you covered for privacy While we're doing this part just so we can and then we you know We assess the site and all the things and yet it's something you take for granted and Until you're a patient yourself uh You know, it's it truly is something that you cannot relate with. It's like having kids. You can't, and I love everyone who's not had kids and that take care of people, know, peds nurses who haven't had kids, ah know, labor and delivery postpartum nurses who haven't had kids. It's still, and it is no offense to anyone who's of that persuasion. You do not understand what it's like until you go through it yourself. And so, Bente, I just appreciate that vulnerability and someone just hearing that story of what you had to say about that is like okay i've got to make sure my patient is you know what mean even if we're talking med-surg you know who cares the 80 year old grandma grandpa whatever Yes, yes, definitely. And you're always explaining, always, and you're always asking permission. Is it okay if I pull your gown to here? Is it okay if I touch here? If anything I'm doing is making you uncomfortable, you can tell me to stop. Just, yeah, for sure. And labor and delivery, I think is probably one of the most invasive. forms of nursing that you can do. It is just getting up in someone's very personal space. uh And you have to remember that there are people out there, there are women who have experienced, sexual trauma, physical trauma, verbal trauma, whatever the trauma might be. It can make that experience that much more difficult for them. when a stranger is coming in saying, well, we need to check your cervix now and see how far you're dilated. And, know, no, absolutely not. You know, you are, you are that person's safety net. And so you've got to play that part. and that was, that was big for me in labor and delivery for sure. nursing in general, but definitely in that role. Always explaining, especially inductions. This is a process that might take some time. During that time, we're gonna need to frequently to see that we're on the right track. Are we doing the right things? Are we giving you the right medications and interventions to get your labor going? And I just tell them upfront everything that might possibly happen during the process so that they know, they have it in the back of their head. They're not surprised. It's not a complete, know, my gosh, what are you doing to me? I don't want that or, you know, whatever it might be. um So yeah, definitely being a patient, naked, exposed in the shower. with a male tech is eye-opening. you know, it's, you just, yeah, you just, I definitely learned from that. um Okay, I'm gonna go into something that is probably going to make me cry because it's so near and dear to my heart, but I... I'm no longer able to do bedside nursing. That's over for me. Sorry. I can't do a patient exam. I can't do a physical assessment anymore. I can't do CPR or ACLS. I can't do those things anymore. um I can't give an injection or hang an IV or any of the things that you use both hands for, cannot do. And that was the single most devastating part of my accident. I'm sorry. No. when you have done something for so long and you love it so much. uh I love nursing. I love bedside nursing. ah I love being with a patient ah for my entire shift. I was never one of those nurses that just... ended up hating being at the bedside or feeling overwhelmed or whatever. um It was always something that I loved immensely. And it's really hard. I think I cried more about losing the ability to be a nurse than I did about my actual injuries. um That was something and still to this day, mean, it's been a year and a half, almost two years, and I still can't talk about it without, you know, crying. And now I have to figure out who am I? What, who, now what? Who am I as a nurse? Can I still be a nurse? What does that look like now? What options are available to me? Because like I said, I'm not done. Mm-hmm is not over. I still have something to give. How do I do that? And Bente, if I can interject here, there are two things I want to say. Number one is before you went that road, as you're talking about, you know, making sure you're covering patient privacy, all the things like, and consent and your passion for caring for them and all the things, the thing I just was going to anecdotally add is that what makes you an amazing nurse and uh not was an amazing not was an amazing nurse, but that's what makes you an amazing nurse still. I don't ever, I hope that never gets lost in any way, shape or form because this accident may have robbed you of bedside nursing, but you cannot take the nurse out of the nurse. And if it's okay with you, I think the second part of this This turns us into a nice little two-part episode um where in this second part, you guys, this was kind of my hope. We kind of talk about that accident up front. We talk about its lasting impact. And of course, we can't talk about all the other things that make Bente, Bente. We can't talk about what makes you you. Obviously, those things are already shining through right here and now without mentioning the accident again in part two. But that's where I want to get into is what lies ahead, what laid before, the things that you're passionate about, ah your love of nursing and nursing students, and then what have you, what does the future hold for Bente? And so if it's okay with you, ah let's just pivot and turn this into a two-parter right here right now, if that's all right with you. Okay, wonderful. All right, you guys, so coming up in a few days, you wanna listen to part two, do not miss. part two of the Bente experience.