174 - Bente Gilbertson Pt 2: Don’t Give Up on Your Passions

Continue with nurse and Minneapolis, Minnesota native Honored Guest Bente Gilbertson as she delicately and powerfully talks about her family’s support, how being a young mom set her on her path to nursing, the challenges of going to nursing school with two young children, her atypical response to labor and delivery rotations in nursing school including seeing providers prioritize self over patient, her long winding path back to labor and delivery, running toward the chaos in New York during the height of COVID, why she OB nursing has her heart, likening labor and delivery to hospice nursing, the vulnerability of being a student, her future plans, and more!

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Transcript

0:01

Hello and welcome back to the part B, the B side, the flip side, the part 2 experience, Bente experience. And I just, if you are somehow only catching this as it's releasing, stop right now. Go back and listen to her first episode first because it, again, doesn't define her, but it sure will inform a lot of what you're about to hear, so. It would make more sense if you heard that first episode. I, Bente, welcome back. Gosh, how are you? It's been so long. I'm good. I'm good. Thank you. Good to see you again. Oh, just, no, you know, she and I are chatting, you know, off air there in between, and I just, I just want to hug you. I want to hug you. So inspiring. And so let's, this episode is going to be a little more of what kind of the, you would expect from a traditional episode. So we'll start with a couple, we'll soft lob a couple of just getting to know Bente questions. Mm-hmm. going to dive head first into nursing and what that looks like for her and what that may look like for her in the future. So first and foremost, Bente, you've already talked about motorcycle riding being one of your previous favorite hobbies. uh What other things get you going? What are the things you're doing when you're not all consumed with nursing and caring for others? Yeah, boy, I don't know. So first of all, let me just say, if I could get on a bike today, I would. Nothing about riding has changed for me. So um yeah, there's that. Boy, I don't have any real hobbies at the moment because I can't. So before my accident, You know, we had a farm. We still have a little farm. Goats and pigs and chickens and horses were my thing. But obviously I can't ride anymore, so I had to sell my the goats, know, like the farm stuff is just kind of on the back burner right now, because I'm not really able to get out there and do the things. um I recently got an aquarium. And that is my world at the moment during the day when nobody's home, I'm staring at my fish tank. uh mind my asking, what kind of fish? Right now I just have like little neon tetras and a couple little gold barbs and shrimp. So yeah, I got these little shrimp and they're so cute and they're all different colors and they're just busy and cute and they have little tiny antennas and arms and I love watching them. Oh, I love it. I absolutely love it. And then also just to, you kind of, uh you know, open the door a little bit to this, but what do you want to share about your lovely family? Gosh, I have the best family. I have four kids. They are 15. Gosh, let me see if I can remember. 15. 9, no 20, 25, and 28. They're gonna tell me that I got all of those ages wrong when they hear this. I also have my lovely partner, Scott, of going on seven years. And my entire family has been amazing through this journey. Can't forget that it has been traumatic and a challenge for them also So they have never left my side are my caregivers at times uh they are my cheerleaders they Just have really stepped up and and taken a lot of responsibility for things that I can't do anymore And it's been great. I also have the most amazing granddaughter who was born uh almost a year ago. And my I call her my daughter in law. She's uh very amazing. We love her to pieces. And they are both a part of our life now that we are just so blessed. Oh, Grandma Bente, I didn't even know. Hey! I take it back, I take it back. No, grandma is my grandma. I am Gigi. I am Gigi. Yeah. love it. Oh my gosh, that's so beautiful. And I love that your family so support, huge shout out to your family because obviously you would think, know, people are like, well, of course they're supportive. Well, that's not always the case. We nurses see that every day. You know what I mean? A traumatic thing happens. And there are some people that come out of the woodwork that support you in ways that you never thought would be possible. And then there are others that you would expect to be able to lean on that I don't know, you know what I mean? Kind of disappear for lack of a better term. And so no, that's amazing that they just love you and you love them and just love it. I absolutely love the whole thing. So, I'm sorry with you, Benton. Let's talk nursing. And we've already established how amazing and incredible nurse that you are, not were. And so why nursing? How did you end up in this amazing field? It happened with the birth of my first son. uh My first son was born prematurely. He was born at 27 weeks. And I was a young mom. I was 18. And when he was in NICU, there were a lot of nurses who treated me like just some young dumb teen. who, you know, shouldn't have had a child, didn't know what I was doing, couldn't possibly care for this fragile infant kind of thing. And it just, you know, nobody said that to me, but it was the vibe. And then I had this most amazing NICU nurse, and thank goodness she was my son's primary NICU nurse. She treated me like a mom. of a premature infant. She taught me, she took her time. She helped me figure out how to take care of this tiny human, give him a bath, dress him, feed him, change him, hold him, do all of these things that most of the other nurses would just step in and do for me. She was just amazing in her energy. and her dedication and the education that she provided to me. And that was my catalyst for, I wanna do that. I wanna be that. I wanna help other people through situations, through their most vulnerable times. Unless you're doing, you I don't know, I honestly, maybe I can't even think of a nursing niche that doesn't meet patients at a vulnerable time. Because we wouldn't be seeing them unless they were vulnerable. I don't know, maybe outpatient clinic or who knows. But anyway, I wanted to be that supportive person in uh someone's time of need. Mmm. um And that's what drove me to nursing school. And I was a late starter in terms of like going to college because I didn't go or even start my path to nursing until I was in my early 20s after that. And honestly, started first being, like I went to school to be a med tech. you know first because I wanted something that was quick. You know, I was a mom, young mom, a single mom. I had this child I needed to provide for so who had time for nursing school? Not me. So it took me awhile to actually get going. But I did and I actually ended up having a second child when I was 21. And. I think part of that was like, okay, now you really have to get your life together. You know, now you really have to provide and figure out what you're gonna do and do it. I did, I got my CNA first. I took this fly by night course from a nurse who, I don't know, I guess she taught CNAs and you got a certificate at the end and that made you able to sit for the test. And so that's what I did. and I worked my way through nursing school as a CNA. Yeah. I so then I so you're still you haven't started nursing school by the time you've had your second child. So I you know, and you're working as a CNA going through. mean, like, I can't even imagine uh having all of that on the plate. What is that like going through nursing school being a mama of two, two small, beautiful kiddos and also working? Yeah, boy, it was tough. It was tough. Let me tell you, there were times where I remember there was this one time where my second baby, he was very sick. He had a cold and it couldn't go to daycare. And I had a lab that day. I had a lab exam in anatomy and physiology and it was something that you just couldn't miss. You couldn't miss it. And I had to, brought him. school with me because I didn't know what to do. So I had this you know sick kid in a stroller. I'm going to my anatomy and physiology class. I'm near tears because I don't know what to do. I don't want my grade to drop. You know and I go to my teacher and I had what was historically known as the worst A &P teacher. He was you know he was tough. He was mean. He graded you really hard and was harsh to you. I was terrified, but I didn't know what else to do. So I came to class. had this kid, this sick snotty kid in a stroller. And went up to him and I said, oh my God, Mr. So-and-so, this is what's happening and I have a test and I know I had to bring him and what do I do? And he was so... gentle and nice and he said, you know what? Go home and take care of your sick baby. We'll figure out the lab part later. And I was like, my mind was just blown. said, I was like, what? And I did, I went home, I took care of my sick kid and I ended up passing A &P with flying colors. He wrote me a letter of recommendation, you know, for nursing school. And you know, it was, it was moments like those that kept me going. even though it was hard. You know, I was working, I was going to school, taking kids to daycare and school and it was just, it was my drive and that stubbornness I talked about earlier. I was gonna be a nurse, gosh darn it, and I was gonna do it come heck or high water. You couldn't stop me. So, And it was what it was. And I had an amazing supportive journey through the whole thing. And I had great nursing school friends who we studied. And they came over to my house when they could because I had kids and they didn't. And we studied at the dinner table after they went to bed. And it was just, it was great. It was great. That's incredible. And you're kind of answering the question. was like, how do you, like a lot of people, nursing school is a slog. It's, you know what mean? It's brutal. It's challenging. It's all the things. And yet most people I talked to are like, but I enjoyed it. And so I'm like, you know, through all the difficulties you're going through, I mean, like, were there other things that you enjoyed about nursing school while going through this trying time? yeah, I think I think I enjoyed just about all of it, uh especially when we got when I actually got into nursing school and started, you know, the the nursing classes and the clinicals. I was so stoked about that. know, sure, sometimes classroom time is boring and, you know, it's like just you're just memorizing things and and. preparing for tests and taking tests and notes and all kinds of things. But when we got to clinicals, that was the part of nursing school that I just, I found so much joy in. know, luckily I had great clinical instructors. didn't meet any nurses, you know, on the floors and on the units that were like, God, nursing students, here they come. You know, it was none of that. It was always just teaching and education and learning and going through the process with patients and, know, learning how to med pass. How do you give insulin? You know, all of those things I just found fascinating and were just so much fun for me. And that's evident even now, you you're talking that's, you know, 22 years ago as we established in the first episode. You know, you're talking over two decades ago and that's still evident today just how much you enjoy the field of nursing. So I guess the obvious question then becomes, you know, you already established you're an OB nurse. Where did that come into play? mean, was that just stemming also from the NICU situation with your son or was there something special there or, you know, unique or that stood out? Mm hmm. I'm not really sure where it came from. I thought when I was in nursing school that I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse, which if I'm honest, kind of is like very common, I think, for nursing students, especially girls, you know, they want to do labor and delivery and it's cute and babies and my gosh and or postpartum, know, and like, oh, tiny baby, so cute. But when I did my labor delivery rotations in nursing school, I was like terrified. I was like, what is this world? Why are we running to the OR? I hate it. I don't like that. Like what? Why aren't these babies just sliding out beautifully and like, know, so cute and clean and beautiful? Why does it smell so bad? Like it was just, I don't know. And the funny part is, is I was actually working on labor and delivery as a tech at the time. uh And that also fueled my like, I wanna be a nurse, labor and delivery nurse, labor and delivery nurse, labor and delivery nurse. But there is so much responsibility you as a labor and delivery nurse. Like you have to know you are taking care of two people. You know, you are taking care of the mom who's a patient. You're taking care of baby who's also a patient. uh And it's a patient you can't see. You have to just rely on your knowledge of monitoring fetal heart rhythms and contraction patterns and you gotta know when your baby's in distress and those kinds of things really scared me. And then I also, there's this part too, and I will say that this has changed immensely since my rotations in labor and delivery, there was a patient who wasn't progressing, she was a primate, who wasn't progressing by the book and how the doctors wanted her to progress. And I remember sitting back in the lounge with her doctor and, you know, she's just kind of looking at her phone and just kind of like annoyed and decided that she was going to do a C-section so that she could make her son's soccer game. That was at, you know, at five o'clock or whatever. You know, she didn't want to miss the soccer game. She had to go. And that wasn't the first time that I saw that happen. And I was appalled. Yeah. was appalled and I was a nursing student at the time and I felt like I didn't have any kind of authority or, or, you know, I, there was no way I could speak up as a nursing student and advocate for the patient. Like, you know, she would tear me apart. You know, I was, I was terrified, you know, and I saw C-sections done so that doctors could make dinner plans and things like that. I will say that I have never seen that done. as a labor and delivery nurse myself and the physicians that I have worked that has never happened. But that happened twice in my clinical rotations and that made me not want to do it anymore. Forget it. So I left nursing school with a different plan and I went to oncology I did all kinds of different nursing in the next 20 years, but except labor and delivery. But it was kind of always on the back of my mind, you know? I, oh my gosh, I did med-surg, I did oncology, I did home hospice, I did pediatrics, I did mom-baby, I did everything but labor and delivery. Okay? The one thing that I thought I wanted to do. And then COVID hit. And when COVID hit, I was working at Madigan Army Hospital at the time. We kind of closed down our unit. were in oncology. Everybody shut down elective procedures. We didn't admit patients for chemo. We did it out. Everything kind of shut down on my unit and I was bored to tears. Everybody was getting called off and et cetera, et cetera. So I decided in my brilliant mind that I was gonna go to New York and travel and be a travel nurse. I just saw all of the chaos that was happening in New York, all of the craziness, the shortage, the nursing shortage. And I was like, well, I'm not doing anything here. So why don't I just do that? uh need that's like thousands of miles away. uh So I did. I signed on a nursing contract and I said, let's go. And I did, I did COVID nursing there. stayed for, gosh, I stayed for three months, I think. I was at a community hospital on the outskirts of New York City. And it was terrible. It was terrible. It was the most terrible nursing. that I have ever experienced in my life. um And it was kind of after that that I was like, know, life is too short. I want to do labor and delivery. I want to try it after this. Like I'm done. can't do this kind of nursing anymore. And it took me a while to get... fellowship. I applied and I applied and I applied and I either didn't get a call back or I interviewed and didn't get a call back. I'm a terrible interviewee. Like I stumble, I forget, don't, I, you know, I do. Like I just am, I'm terrible at being interviewed. um And I had the very last interview before I actually, interview before I actually got hired. The nurse told me that, you know, was just hard to hire experienced nurses because labor and delivery is such a different world. It's like the old saying, teaching an old dog new tricks. You're so set in how nursing is in the med search world, for instance, that after so many years of experience, they just, they have a hard time retraining, you know, these nurses to think. from a labor and delivery OB perspective. She was just very honest with me. And so that was kind of discouraging at the time. I was still on the west side of the state at the time, but we decided to move over to the east side and come to Spokane area. And that's when I interviewed with two hospitals, Sacred Heart and Colville. and they both wanted me and I was like, what? And I actually had to make a decision. I had to choose uh instead of being turned down. So I chose Sacred Heart at the time I was working at our small, our tiny little rural hospital at Newport uh in MedSurg and had to give that up. We had labor and delivery at one time, but they shut it down because we didn't have enough labor and delivery nurses to actually keep the unit open. So I went to Sacred Heart and that's where my journey began. And I wish that I had been doing it my entire nursing career because I love it so much. Mmm. it's OB nursing just has my heart. Um, I, sorry, I'm going to cry again. Um, boy, gosh, how do I even, there is just something about being with those mamas and those people in that time that is just so near and dear to my heart and humbling and amazing and terrifying and sad and just wow, just incredible, incredible. Those patients who are delivering, those babies, those families, um they are all Trusting you to get them through this process safely They are looking to you for advice for Direction for reassurance is everything okay? Am I doing this right? uh How do I how do I get through this is it gonna hurt you know all of these things they're just You know unless it's their seventh, baby in which case they deliver in the hallway anyway and they go right to mom, baby. Yeah, it's just an incredible time to be with somebody. And I kind of liken it to hospice nursing, okay? Hospice nursing, you are also with patients in their most vulnerable time. The unknown. What's gonna happen? What is this gonna look like? Is it gonna hurt? Being with a patient when they are in their final moments as they are dying, uh it's just like the birth experience. These are two sacred times in the human experience that you don't get to do over. You don't get a second chance. So you... have got to do your best as a nurse to make it the experience that they want and that they deserve. And that is so humbling to me. And so uh I feel so honored to be a part of that experience. Yeah. it's no coincidence that it's the two ends of the spectrum right the beginning of life the end of life two of the most sacred times in a human being's lifespan that like you said they Where we've genuinely I feel like part of that too is we want control over these situations Right as much control as we can have we must be able to control this birth must be great. This baby must be okay and we can control this. I know we can just like everything else in life, right? And at the end of life, how do we control that? How do I make sure I know what's happening afterwards? How do I have a comfortable death? How do I have all these things? And yet I find that they're two probably two of the most uncontrollable situations in life. And for you to be there to be that steward, that guide, that, you know, obviously I imagine there are times where you say, I don't have all the answers. Mm-hmm. on what I've seen and based on what I can do, here's what we're gonna make this the easiest, the best, the possible, the most comfortable, whatever, fill in the blank. I can't, like, and you've already touched on it, but how do you speak towards being that person in those moments, those of the most sacred moments possible? How are you able to be that guide? Mm-hmm. A lot of it comes from the heart uh and just wanting the best for everyone involved. Truly, genuinely wanting the best. A lot of it is the ability to stay calm in stressful situations because patients and families are going to feed off your energy. They are going to know your energy the minute you walk into the room. So it's in how you carry yourself, how you explain things to patients, how you give options instead of this is it, this is what you're gonna do and this is how you're gonna do it and you're not gonna do it any different way. Even when... there really is no option. I will always try to give options. We can do it this way and have this possible outcome. We can do it that way and have this possible outcome. could, do you have, what do you want? What are your needs and what is most important to you? How do we get through this together in a way that we. honor your experience and give you the best possible outcome. I always want my patients to feel like they're in control, always and always, whether it's the dying experience or the birth experience. And again, lot of that, I'm just a carer by nature. I was born that way. I was little, I was obsessed with babies. I wanted to be a mom. I knew I wanted to be a mom when I was like, I don't know, I knew, I started babysitting when I, as soon as I was old enough, I started babysitting and I loved it. I was just a care and a nurturer by nature. And so that has crossed over. into my nursing path for sure. for sure. And I, not only your nursing path as your bedside career, uh but you also wanted to speak towards, this was evident even when I would interact with you in those few times that I got to interact with you, but uh your love of teaching new hires, know, students, new grads, things of that nature. uh talk to us about what it is. Why are you passionate about that? Obviously, I mean, you end up on this podcast, you know, I hope that people love students that are on this podcast. But I mean, what is that that you want to speak towards then? um Gosh, I just remember what it was like to be a nursing student and feel like you knew absolutely nothing. And maybe even feeling a little stupid because you don't know anything, you know? um When I switched career paths from MedSurg or whatever, nursing to labor and delivery, I was a brand new nurse all over again. I knew nothing. ah And this is after 20 years of nursing. I didn't know anything. uh What's a fundus? don't, you know, like, don't know what's in it. And I felt so stupid at times. And it was so uh eye-opening for me because I had to let go of being a charge nurse, a preceptor, the person that the nurses came to to ask questions. um to get help with procedure, like to figure out how to do things. I was that person that they came to and now I was a brand new baby all over again. There's something really vulnerable about being a student that some people just don't understand um and don't remember what it was like to be that student. I love teaching. I love teaching bedside manner and how to do things correctly, how to treat your patients, how not to just lose your mind if you make a mistake because we're human and we're gonna make mistakes. It's gonna happen. How do you react to that mistake? uh when I'm in a room with a student or like a new hire, for instance, the last thing I want to do is belittle a student in front of a patient or family or yell at them or, you know, tell them they're doing something wrong because that instills fear in a patient and family. You don't want them to feel like the people who are caring for them don't know what they're doing. So as I'm guiding a student, if I notice something is maybe not going correctly, like maybe a sterile field, I might say something like, should we do this instead maybe? do you want to maybe double check your gloves or something to that nature where it's not like, my God, stop, you're doing it wrong. You have to do it over, whatever it is. I want my students to feel comfortable and like they are actually a nurse because that's that's what you're aiming for you're aiming to be a nurse and you're aiming to be a good nurse so when you're at the bedside with me you are a nurse um and and That's it. You know, you're not a baby. You're not an idiot. You're not uh someone who doesn't know anything because You know things You know things, you have knowledge and you have common sense, I hope. You have common sense and let's use it. Let's use it and build on it. I've seen nurses who precept and teach who shouldn't. I've seen students and preceptees or new hires feel absolutely torn down and discouraged and uh I don't know the word I'm looking for, that should never be a part of your learning experience ever. And if it is, then you need a new preceptor. You need a new teacher because that person was not meant to teach. Yeah. I love it. I love it. You're like speaking my language sister. uh Well then, so I, the only other question that comes to my mind here, the last question I think I'd ask you before closing in our traditional manner and you, you take this ball and run with it as far and as deep as you wish, but it's kind of where we ended your first episode and I don't, you know, I don't want to revisit the trauma of, okay, you know, uh this. Like you said, you know, I can't be a bedside nurse anymore and to you that was more devastating in many regards than the actual physical injuries that you went through and so there is definitely a mourning there's definitely a loss there but as We mourn and loss lose, you know mourn and grieve things that we lose in life You know, we can stop we can give up and as you've already clearly established that is not in your DNA that is not in your makeup and you are a fighter and you are a plower and terror at the things that you want to do and to continue to do and to pour into others. On the flip side of that, as you said in your first episode, you've been given this second chance for the words you used. um And then the question becomes, what do you do with it? So what does the future look like for Bente? What are your goals, your aspirations? Where are you at on that continuum? Yeah, boy, that's a great question. um Okay, short answer? I don't know. I don't know. I'm investigating different ways to go about how I want to finish out my career. I'm definitely not ready to retire. And, you know, with my injuries, I am I mean, I'm considered permanently disabled. So I am considered medically retired. but I refuse to accept that. That's not my story. ah So it's time to figure out what to do next. I don't wanna be a case manager. I don't wanna be a quality informatics type nurse on a computer going through charts and whatever, whatever. That's not, no, no thank you. No offense to anyone who does that uh or loves it, that's fine. uh but it's not in my heart. I need to interact with patients or families or students. I need to interact with people. um So before my accident, my plan was to become a nurse midwife. That was the goal that I wanted to achieve. So that's not possible anymore. So what can I do that is OB based where I can still have interaction? with patients and families. And to me, that looks like maybe opening my own business ah and providing, uh you know, prenatal postnatal education, you know, home visits, virtual visits, opening my own practice even. So that's kind of on the table. There's a company that I'm kind of working with that offers uh all of the tools that you need to start this type of business. um I think now after being a labor and delivery nurse, like I won't do anything else. OB is where my heart is. The whole, dyad of the baby, the newborn and the parents and All of that is very important to me. It's also very important to me to offer inclusive nursing. I don't want to be, I try very hard not to be like, the mama baby or, she and her and this, that and the other. wanna be sure that I am providing care that is all inclusive and honoring those uh those different pronouns and family dynamics and things like that. So my dream would be to open up my own practice and offer services to everyone, being all inclusive, offering maybe products even like breast pumps and baby carrier, you know, I don't know, uh something like that. In addition to that, I also want to be a teacher and an educator, so I am planning to go forward with my master's degree in education and trying to use that to my advantage, whether it's online teaching or classroom teaching. um I obviously can't do provide clinical uh teaching, but. You know, there's gotta be something out there for me to do. um Birth classes, you know, at the hospital or in my own practice, you labor and delivery classes, uh postpartum classes, helping new families with uh issues like sleeping and colic and breastfeeding and bottle feeding and all of these things. So all of that to say the OB postpartum type nursing is in my blood now. It's me, it's part of my body. So my future looks like that. Yeah. as bright can be. just I I'm like oh man I I'm not even a woman and I'd love to be a part of it. I want to I want to I want to sit under your tutelage I want to you know to me I Appreciate that. Thank you. Thank you. Finally. Oh Man, no Bente. I my gosh. I could just talk for hours with you Sadly, we're wrapping this episode up and so that pulls us back around to the standard traditional opening or closing questions Which are related to the opening question, but what are the three words that you used uh to describe nursing school and why did you pick? Okay, I have to look back, but I know one of the words I used was terrifying and I think I kind of already explained that. It's just maybe the unknown nursing, the responsibility. I gonna kill somebody? I know that was a big fear of mine. Oh my gosh, what if I do something wrong and I kill someone? The terrifying part of nursing school for me was just the clinical aspect. Everything else was just book nonsense and testing and all that. That's, you know, I didn't have a problem with that. What else did I say? I said terrifying and, intimidating, I guess probably for the same reason. Just not knowing what I don't know. um Being afraid of instructors. You know, I remember just being terrified of my instructors, but like for no reason, because I had great instructors. And. Yeah, I guess intimidating and terrifying kind of going hand in hand, I think. Was I going to be a good nurse? How how do I become a good nurse? I you know I didn't. I didn't know at the time. And then a blast. I had so much fun in nursing school. just loved every minute of it. There was nothing. There's no part of it where I was like, my gosh, now I gotta go to class and then we have clinicals. But no, that bring it on. I loved it. um I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. m And you had said it earlier too in our discussion just about how you were like, once you hit the nursing school part of it, kind of beyond the prereqs and you hit that nursing school, it was the same thing for me. Because I didn't grow up wanting to be a nurse, but it was when you get done, I was doing one prereq a quarter at the community college while working full time and we're raising our son and. I'm just plodding along. And so I always told people I got a four year, two year degree. My ADN was my four year, two year degree, because it took me four years to get. yeah, but once you hit that nursing school part of it, you're like, this is where it all comes together. And you're right. You're still terrified. You're still all the things. But there's just an exhilaration of passion that underlies that and that you have demonstrated in spades, my friend, uh in the course of this, I don't know, know, hour and a quarter, whatever that we've been talking together. And so, if you had one thing, just one thing, that you want your listeners to walk away from having tucked away in the deepest recesses of their hearts for the rest of time, what would that one thing be? Don't give up on your passions. Don't give up. No matter how hard it seems, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how unattainable the goal might seem, you can do it. You can do it if you put your mind to it. yeah, just keep going. Keep going. and you have demonstrated that clearly over the last however long we've got to talk together. Bente, thank you so, much. I cannot tell you what it means to me to reconnect with you and to just... this has been amazing and... Yeah. I loved it. Thank you so much. It was so nice.