The #1 Reason You Feel Unfulfilled (It's Not What You Think)

I used to believe that happiness was the ultimate goal—until I realized it was actually leading me to frustration, emptiness, and even depression. In this episode of the Christian Business Mentor Podcast, I’m sharing a powerful mindset shift that will completely change how you experience fulfillment.

The truth is, happiness is temporary and based on external circumstances. But joy? That comes from within and is rooted in a deeper purpose. Jesus didn’t chase happiness—He lived in joy. And when I made that shift in my own life, everything changed.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly chasing the next thing—whether it’s money, success, or even relationships—only to still feel unfulfilled, this episode is for you. I’ll break down why happiness will never satisfy you, and what you should aim for instead to experience real, lasting peace.
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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:25:16
Unknown
My name is Skyler Lewis and this is the Christian Business Mentor podcast. And I've helped thousands of people dive deep into Christian personal development. And I'm going to share an important perspective shift around happiness that could change the way it shows up in your life. The pursuit of happiness will fail you. Let me share with you why the pursuit of happiness is the fastest path to a life of depression.

00:00:25:17 - 00:00:45:03
Unknown
I know somebody very close to me that struggles with depression. She believes that if she could just have this house, she would be happy. If she could just have the garden, she would be happy if she would live in this other state. That would make her happy if she had a different business or a different way of making money, that would make her happy.

00:00:45:04 - 00:01:08:29
Unknown
So the challenge with happiness is we are always looking for external circumstances to shift the happiness within us. And when our aim is on happiness, when our goal, when one of our primary goals of life is to be happy, that will cause depression, frustration and discontentment. Because life is not going to always give you the circumstances that you want.

00:01:09:00 - 00:01:33:13
Unknown
Life is going to be a roller coaster of up and down, of high moments and low moments. So if you believe you're supposed to be happy in life, then it's going to lead you down a path of sadness. And so I'm going to share with you some of the key shifts that need to happen for you to step into a new level of joy and peace inside of your life, and how happiness can be causing some more damage than maybe you realize.

00:01:33:13 - 00:02:00:23
Unknown
And to be clear, there's no issue with being happy. Like being happy is fine. It's the pursuit. It's the aim. It's the goal of happiness that does the harm. So here are some problems with having happiness as an aim. Number one is it will cause you to avoid doing hard things. So if something is hard and it might make you unhappy, if it's difficult and will make you unhappy, you may choose out of that specific thing.

00:02:00:23 - 00:02:19:00
Unknown
Like maybe having a hard conversation needs to be had. If your goal is happiness, you will tend to avoid the hard things in life because you want to be comfortable. You want to be happy. You just want to live a life that is not difficult or hard. So happiness is usually the aim of looking to avoid the hard things inside of life.

00:02:19:03 - 00:02:43:18
Unknown
Number two is Jesus wasn't searching for happiness. He wasn't looking for happiness every day. He day by day lived from a place of joy, not of happiness. So what's the difference between happiness and joy? Happiness is external. Happiness is brought on by an external circumstance. So that could be a new job promotion. It could be a certain amount of money, something good that happened inside of your life.

00:02:43:20 - 00:03:14:20
Unknown
It's brought on from external circumstances. Now joy is completely different. Joy is an internal, deep sense of well-being that is tied to spiritual truth. So again, joy is an internal, deep sense of well-being that is tied to spiritual truth. It's an understanding that God will provide for you in your life, that it will take care of you, and that he is in ultimate control so we can lean in and trust in him.

00:03:14:21 - 00:03:40:24
Unknown
We don't need to look to the outside. Our joy comes from within. And number three, the pursuit of happiness can lead to depression. If our map of reality states that we are supposed to be happy in life. And that's our version. That's our view of life. But our current reality doesn't match the happiness that we believe we're supposed to have.

00:03:41:01 - 00:03:59:17
Unknown
What do you think happens when your map, your your view of the way it's supposed to be doesn't match reality? That's where you turn to sadness, depression, anxiety. Why is my life not the way it's supposed to be? Well, what if you weren't supposed to be happy all the time? Now? Yeah. It's great if there's happiness moments and there's moments of happiness.

00:03:59:17 - 00:04:20:00
Unknown
Happiness is fantastic. What if your life wasn't designed for you to be happy from external circumstances? But what if it was designed for you to be joyful and at peace? Joy is the replacement for happiness. So I want you to check in. What are you aiming at in life? Is it happiness? Is your primary aim to to be happy, to do the things that will lead to happiness.

00:04:20:02 - 00:04:43:27
Unknown
Some of those things could be doing whatever's easiest. Whatever's fun, whatever's pleasurable. What about financial success? Is your goal to be financially successful because you think that will make you happy? Is your goal to have a great relationship or a marriage because you believe a good marriage will make you happy? Are you leaning in to create external circumstances that will bring happiness?

00:04:43:29 - 00:05:02:04
Unknown
The deal is you're going to need something to happen for the rest of your life over and over again. To create that same feeling of happiness. You will be constantly striving to build your life in a way that brings happiness. But what if happiness isn't the right aim, right? We talked about joy being the right aim. So what should be our aim?

00:05:02:06 - 00:05:27:09
Unknown
Let's look at the Bible for these answers. Matthew 633. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Seek first his kingdom. Seek first God and his righteousness. Matthew 2237 to 39. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

00:05:27:11 - 00:05:58:13
Unknown
This is the first and greatest commandment, and the second is like it love your neighbor as yourself, love God and love your neighbor. So we must seek God, love him, and love others. That should be our primary aim as Christians. So I grew up in a small town and we had very little money. I always felt like I had to prove myself, and I believe the path to living a happy life was being significant and being significant.

00:05:58:14 - 00:06:19:24
Unknown
How would I do that? It would be through creating financial success, building some big businesses, and gaining significant success and happiness through that. So I strive for this, for many years, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get there. Well, this left me feeling fairly empty and unfulfilled and actually put me in a place where I was doing things that I wasn't proud of.

00:06:19:24 - 00:06:51:04
Unknown
And through much prayer and revelation, I knew, and I gained clarity that I was meant to help people. And so I shifted my aim on creating success, on looking to be significant. And I shifted it to serving other people, serving God, and expanding the kingdom. So my life now of serving God and serving people has led to so much more fulfillment and gratitude that even when I have the storms of life and they come right, we have some family members that are having some deep health problems right now, very challenging health problems.

00:06:51:07 - 00:07:15:19
Unknown
So when the storms of life come, whether it's business challenges, health challenges, our relationship challenges, when there's major storms that come, I can still operate from a place of joy and peace, knowing that I am loving God and doing his work and loving other people. And so that is the aim as Christians that we are called. And you can do that through ministry.

00:07:15:21 - 00:07:39:05
Unknown
You can do that through business. On serving God, or you can do it through business as a ministry. So choosing to serve God's kingdom and love his people will bring you tremendous joy, fulfillment, and gratitude. And in me personally, I've had a major shift where my life, my aim is not to be. It's not even to be joyful.

00:07:39:08 - 00:08:04:19
Unknown
I want to be joyful, but my aim is to serve God. And through that process, joy emanates. In my darkest of times. I can still experience joy because I know that I'm on the path. I'm doing what I was called to be doing. I'm serving the kingdom and I'm serving his children. So choose joy versus happiness. Replace that and aim for serving God, his kingdom and his people.

00:08:04:22 - 00:08:08:04
Unknown
And you will experience a life like you have never imagined.