Don’t Hire Your Friends Until You Watch This

In this episode, I open up about one of the biggest leadership traps I’ve seen (and experienced) firsthand: hiring your friends. It might seem like a great idea early on, especially in a startup, but more often than not, it ends in broken trust and lost relationships.

I talk about how familiarity breeds contempt, why the shift in power dynamics can ruin a friendship, and the real cost of choosing comfort over clarity in your business. I’d rather protect the relationship than risk it for a role and I explain exactly why.

But that’s not all we cover.

We also dive into:

- How to handle competition in a Christlike way

- Why you need to protect what God has entrusted to you—your “castle”

- What to do when employees start relationships with each other

- The biblical take on partiality in business vs. in church

- Why I avoid sharing the Gospel with people who have no desire for it

- And how I think about friends as investors vs. partners

If you’re a Christian leader or entrepreneur navigating team building, competition, or faith in the workplace—this episode will challenge you to lead with wisdom, conviction, and discernment.

Chapters:
00:00 – Protect What God Has Entrusted
00:28 – Handling Competition in a Christlike Manner
02:01 – Stewarding Business and Ethical Hiring
03:10 – Dealing with a Lost Client
04:00 – Building a Defensible Business
04:22 – Employees in Romantic Relationships
05:50 – Partiality in Business vs. Church
08:28 – Should I Hire My Friend?
10:46 – Friends as Business Partners and Investors
13:43 – Lending Money to Friends and Family

New Episodes Premiere every Tuesday Morning

Want to connect with Skylar? Shoot him a message on Instagram to @SkylarLewis and receive a free gift from Skylar personally and be sure to subscribe on YouTube @SkylarLewis for additional teachings.

If you're interested in learning more about Rise Up Kings, learn more on Instagram at @RiseUpKings

Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:28:09
Unknown
You can't. Just letting everybody walk all over you. You must protect what he's entrusted. It's your responsibility to protect the castle, to protect the business. The way to glorify God. Build something amazing that is defensible just by it being so good. Don't go spend time sharing the faith with people that have no interest in the faith. My friend needs a job and I think they would do a good job, but I'm not sure of the business would hurt my friendship.

00:00:28:11 - 00:00:57:06
Unknown
Should I hire him for my personal experience? The first question from the comments is how do I handle competition in a Christlike manner? It's great. First thing that comes to mind is how to Christ operate with his enemies. Matthew 544 says, but I say to you, love your enemies. Bless them that curse you. Do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despise fully use you and persecute you.

00:00:57:09 - 00:01:22:06
Unknown
So now I don't. I don't consider a competition. Enemies. However, if we're supposed to love the people that despise us, how then should we treat, our competition? So my perspective with competition is, man, they're out there just trying to build a successful business for themselves. Right. They're not out trying to kill us or trying to demean us or really trying to take advantage of us.

00:01:22:06 - 00:01:39:26
Unknown
But in general, most competitors, they're out trying to get their own and trying to take care of themselves and take care of their families. And so my, my perspective is if we are representing Christ and we should be representing Christ, by the way, that we run our business, we should definitely represent him well, by the way that we operate with competitors.

00:01:39:26 - 00:02:01:10
Unknown
So when I'm thinking so our mindset around competitors is everything. So I don't see them as an enemy. I see them as a person that is just on their own journey providing for themselves. And so I see them that way. But I also know that I have an obligation to run a business successfully and profitably. Right. God has put me as a steward of this business.

00:02:01:15 - 00:02:19:09
Unknown
So I'll share a story. I had a, an employee that I was looking to hire. I spent a lot of time, letting him know before I hired him during the interview process. Hey, by the way, if you, I don't want to take any of the clients that you have from your current employer like you. Like.

00:02:19:11 - 00:02:35:20
Unknown
Yes, I know you could bring them to us, but I don't want to be that type of company that just goes and takes you walk away, and you take all their clients and bring them to our company. So I don't want to do that because I don't want you doing that to me if you ever leave. And so we had multiple conversations around this.

00:02:35:20 - 00:03:10:07
Unknown
Took him to lunch multiple times. And he was very clear. So about a year into employment with us he leaves and takes our biggest client our number one multi-million dollar a year client. And man I'm pissed. I'm so pissed. And so I went a little victim on it. And because I thought I had handled it properly. And so I had a conversation with one of my mentors and he said, hey, it's your responsibility to protect the castle, to protect the business, to really make sure that you are a good steward of what God has entrusted to you.

00:03:10:09 - 00:03:29:15
Unknown
So you can't just letting everybody walk all over you. You must protect what he's entrusted. Like if God's put us in charge of a kingdom, do we just let the enemy come and rampage, right? And demolish the kingdom and rape and pillage everything? Nope. You put up walls, you protect, you have defenses, you you have protection set up.

00:03:29:15 - 00:03:59:29
Unknown
And so from that conversation, I realized, hey, it's my responsibility to protect the kingdom. And so part of that is protecting it against competition. Now you can protect against competition from attacking competition, or you can protect against competition by building something. So great that competitors can't even compete with it. So I would say the way to glorify God build something amazing that is defensible just by the, just by it being so good.

00:04:00:01 - 00:04:22:13
Unknown
That is a way that you can glorify God through managing competition. So a couple things you shouldn't do. You shouldn't, slander competitors. You should never talk badly about competitors. I avoid all type of talk against negative talk against competitors. I let them do their thing. I'm aware of what they're doing. But man, I'm just focusing on my own organization and building that to to make it great.

00:04:22:15 - 00:04:55:27
Unknown
Awesome. Cool. Who have this is a funny question, I guess. So. How should this gentleman handle, some employee relations there happening in his business as a, as a Christian leader? He knows it's going on. It's not exactly, on the up and up, like, outside of work, but it's between two employees.

00:04:55:29 - 00:05:17:12
Unknown
It depends on what the policy is in regard to the organization. So, I don't think there's anything wrong with, employees getting connected with each other and, starting to build a relationship. So if a man and a woman want to go build a relationship and connect. Fantastic. It's all good. And I want to make sure that it's not between, ideally, a manager and a direct rapport.

00:05:17:12 - 00:05:35:04
Unknown
That's where it can become an issue. So I have some of the line upon if there is, what if they're in a manager in a different department, then that's fine. Really? Yep, yep. Totally good with that, right? I don't I don't see and I don't care if they're the CEO or can you spend so much time with people at the office.

00:05:35:06 - 00:05:50:13
Unknown
Right. There can be a relationship building, especially if they're going to be there long term. Why not have somebody that you care about that you can kind of connect with? If you're going to spend eight, ten, 12 hours a day working at an organization, why not have your partner that's involved there? Just know there's a risk, right?

00:05:50:13 - 00:06:21:19
Unknown
If they ever get fired or have to let go, it may affect both people. So God says not to show partiality in church, but is it okay to show partiality in business? Oh, that's such a that's a great question. Yeah. I would say. When it's talking about partiality in church, my understanding of that scripture is that you are not supposed, we're not supposed to give more preference to people that have wealth versus someone that doesn't have wealth.

00:06:21:21 - 00:06:59:02
Unknown
People that could could positively benefit us versus someone that could provide no benefit to us. So in churches, one thing ministry, right. Ministry in church, that's that's one specific thing. And I believe it is, it is important to be to show partiality in business. If there's one client that can afford your product and another client that can't afford your product, you choosing to spend time for a business purpose with a client that can afford your product for the purpose of sales in business, would be effective.

00:06:59:04 - 00:07:21:23
Unknown
And so yeah, I believe I believe it's important to show partiality. It's important to show partiality with team members. Right to be aware of which team members are going to. You should be spending the most time with and developing the most. Which team members don't have the skill or the desire to be excellent? If they don't have the desire to be excellent and they could care less about the organization, don't spend time with that person, right?

00:07:21:23 - 00:07:43:23
Unknown
Go spend time with the guy that really wants it. That really is desiring to level up to be the best he can be. Right? We talk about I talk about don't throw, your pearls before swine. Right. So what that one take on that is don't go spend time sharing the faith with people that have no interest in the faith.

00:07:43:25 - 00:08:07:06
Unknown
Right. Don't waste your time with spend your time with people that actually have a desire. Like the desire comes before someone comes to Christ. There's got to be some level. God gives them that desire. So if they have no desire, stop wasting your time trying to push Christianity, right? Go, go spend time with the people that just don't know or have a desire to know God, but don't know which who to follow.

00:08:07:14 - 00:08:28:11
Unknown
So go spend time with those people. So I believe partiality is really important. And in church we got to be really careful and in life not to not to just spend time in our personal lives with people that only benefit us. Right? But in business, yeah, you got you got to find out. You got to be thoughtful with who you're spending time with and be partial with who you're spending time with.

00:08:28:13 - 00:08:53:21
Unknown
Yeah. I think Jesus says, what good is it if you only love people who love you back. Even sinners do that. Yep. Okay. Good. This is a good one. My friend needs a job and I think they would do a good job, but I'm not sure of the business would hurt my friendship.

00:08:53:23 - 00:08:57:17
Unknown
Should I hire him.

00:08:57:19 - 00:09:25:14
Unknown
No I am not. So there's a couple there's a couple things to look at. If you're a startup, typically startups always hire their friends and family. That's the way to get rolling. So startups are always hiring everybody they possibly can in the beginning that because they don't have a budget. So once you have the ability to choose the talent wisely, typically it is, it is not best to hire friends or family from my perspective.

00:09:25:14 - 00:09:53:29
Unknown
So from my personal experience, relationships can go south after a while. Because what happens is there's a statement that, familiarity breeds contempt. So I don't know if you're familiar with that statement of familiarity breeds contempt. So what tends to happen is the more familiar somebody becomes with you, the more likely they are to hold contempt towards you.

00:09:54:01 - 00:10:31:17
Unknown
So breeds it, especially in the work setting. So what happens is, if you got a buddy that you guys are both on equal, you guys are both peers. You bring him into the organization where now he is levels below you. You are his boss, a completely changes the power dynamic of the relationship. And so what happens is, is, that that statement familiarity breeds contempt primarily means when you're making a friend out of somebody that you're working with, as you grow and invest and you're producing results, there's a possibility that person could become contentious as they're in relationship with you, and they see you producing the results and getting the rewards.

00:10:31:17 - 00:10:46:13
Unknown
But they're not getting those same rewards, but they're like, hey, I know this guy. Like, we're friends with this guy. Like, I'm just like him. Like we're not that different. And then that's what breeds contempt. The closer you get with somebody, the more you start to see like, oh, they're not that much different from me then that that'll breed contempt.

00:10:46:15 - 00:11:05:24
Unknown
So now thinking about friends, bringing friends into the business, you want to be thoughtful? The power dynamic that shifts when you bring a friend and now make him an employee of the company, and now you're giving him orders. You're giving him direction. It completely shifts the power dynamic, and it's usually not beneficial long term for the relationship.

00:11:05:26 - 00:11:22:08
Unknown
There's usually yeah. So stuff because also what happens as the organization grows is that what if what happens if that team members no longer the right fit. What happens if your friends no longer the right set for the role? What if you didn't keep up? What if he thinks because you're friends, he doesn't have to put in the same amount of work and effort that everyone else does?

00:11:22:08 - 00:11:41:02
Unknown
What if he's not as hungry is the other employees because he's your buddy, right? And so then all of a sudden he's not as valuable to the organization. But then when you let him go, it breaks the friendships. I've seen so many friendships destroyed from partnerships and from from bringing them in as an employee. Yeah. It's I'd be I'd be very cautious about that.

00:11:41:06 - 00:12:00:19
Unknown
It can happen. It it can be great. Great. It can work. And most of the time it does not work long term. There's usually some break in the relationship. There'll be some issue that happens, some conflict that creates, a break in the relationship. So what I'm hearing is don't hire your friends. Yeah. Not ideally that. Keep him a friend.

00:12:00:21 - 00:12:18:20
Unknown
Keep him a friend. Don't don't move into a boss employee relationship unnecessarily, but have to. Sure, if you don't have to keep the friendship going, it's the same. Yeah, it's the same thing with bringing on friends. Is clients like it? Just many times it cannot work at it. There's a there's high risk. There's a lot of risk involved with that.

00:12:18:26 - 00:12:37:24
Unknown
So I care more about my friendships than I do about making more money. So I'll, even if I could provide a great service to my friend, I'll try to have send him somewhere else. Even if I have a great opportunity for a friend in my business, I'll find a way to not make it happen. Because yes, I would rather I would love to have my friend here.

00:12:37:24 - 00:13:12:05
Unknown
I would love to have that role filled, but I care way more about the relationship than I do about having a role filled all day long, all day long. So relationships number one. Interesting. Yeah. Okay. Good. Okay. Let me let me shift a little bit. So but on that point, if your buddy is really good and you're about to scale and you want to bring him in as a partner, right, like somebody with equity or something like that, and you think it's a good fit, is that a good fit or should you just get a partner from somewhere else?

00:13:12:05 - 00:13:38:03
Unknown
Not an employee, but a partner? Yeah, I also don't agree. And friendships as partners, it depends on how the relationship is. If there's any type of ego involved in the relationship there, that could be consequential. There could be some consequences to that. And so what tends to happen in partnerships at some point while the business is growing, there's there's a shift in the amount of work required for each role.

00:13:38:05 - 00:14:05:08
Unknown
And so as those as it shifts, maybe one person decides that he wants to be more family focused and the other person's working a lot. Resentment starts to creep in like, hey dude, I'm doing all the work. Or maybe one partner spending more of the money investing in the business, and the other one's not like, so there's this, that dynamics that under under Penn, these partnerships that usually many the high risk having a partnership, the more you're bringing in the friend as a partner is high risk.

00:14:05:08 - 00:14:23:13
Unknown
Because over the course of 5 or 10 years, that business is going to change or evolve. What they're interested in is going to change. Their skill sets are going to change. Like everything shifts. So for part, for friends to be able to weather all those storms, I actually rarely see it happen. I usually see some break in the friendship at some point.

00:14:23:18 - 00:14:43:15
Unknown
Well, last point on that question. Then it's like, well, how how else would you find in it? How do you find an investor, right? Like how do you meet investors if it's not like, you got a friend, he's got he's got the capital. He believes in your product, believes in your business like, do you not let him invest in your business?

00:14:43:15 - 00:15:07:25
Unknown
Now? Now I'm having an investor. So, partner, where they're working in the business is one thing. Having an investor is an is another. So friends are okay as investors, you think? I think friends are totally fine as investors. As long as it's clear, as long as the person. Well, I've seen that go south so many times. I had a guy that was raising money for his company, brought a bunch of friends and family and company went other.

00:15:07:27 - 00:15:27:16
Unknown
None of them got paid. So how would you feel if you invested a big chunk of your money? And then they went out of business and a friend said sorry man. So can we, can we flip it and say you're speaking to investors right now. Yeah. They're potentially you're thinking about investing with their friends. Yeah. Right. You would you say you should only invest money that you're okay with losing.

00:15:27:18 - 00:15:55:14
Unknown
Is that a rule. Yeah. That you're okay with losing. And I would also say yes big time. Well that well yeah. Their business investments are typically more speculative, especially in a startup. So you want to consider that money gone once you invest that money. So the the way to lend money to a friend or family member is the best advice I ever got was if you're going to lend money to a friend or a family member, consider that money gone.

00:15:55:16 - 00:16:13:22
Unknown
They don't even lend the money. Say, hey, you can have it. Best way to give money. Yeah, don't lend money to a family member, just give it to them. If you're going to give them, like, consider it gone, consider it gone. Because, that that could cause strife in the relationship. If you're trying to collect for years or that person doesn't pay or they're late on payments is all that stuff.

00:16:13:22 - 00:16:28:15
Unknown
So they're a. Yeah. So when you're going to give money, just just consider it a consideration. Even if you do it as a loan, just consider that money gone as if they're never going to pay it. That will keep the relationship right. And that'll keep you from making an impulsive decision. Right? Because you're like, I can't really afford to lose this.

00:16:28:15 - 00:16:49:13
Unknown
Yep. So. Exactly. Yeah. Don't, ever give someone a book that you want to read again. Exactly. Yeah. Same thing, same thing. All right. I think that was great. So, Skyler, thanks for answering those questions. And if you're out there listening and you have questions, you can tweet at Skyler Lewis KBM, or you can drop it in the comments on YouTube or send him on Instagram.

00:16:49:13 - 00:16:51:07
Unknown
And, we'll get them up on the show for you.