The Neurospicy Coach

Transcript

 hello Iffa Hughes. How are you doing? I'm very good. How are you? . Efa, could we just start with, could you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?

Because I know BNY really wants to get you on here, for very good reasons. Well, first of all, a big thank you to you and Bannu for inviting me on. it's always an honor to be asked, but especially by two leaders in the field such as yourselves. thank you. So I am Iffa Hughes. I am an A DHD coach, and I was a primary school teacher for a very long time, 

Subsequently left that not long after I got my own A DHD diagnosis. I've since been diagnosed with autism, so I'm an Audi DHD proudly. but my role is how you say it, A DHD, I didn't realize that. It's how you can say it, I suppose You can say it whatever way you like, but I, I like the A DHD piece.

Okay. And yeah, so I'm, I've been an A DHD coach now for the past two year. Two years. And what that essentially is, is a life coach who specializes in A DHD. So I've done specific training around the A DHD piece with the A DD Coach Academy, which are based in New York, and they've been training people 

To work with ADHDers for 30 years, which is so good to hear. Mm-hmm. it's amazing that it's been going for so long because I was teaching in America 20 years ago I remember there were a good, now I was teaching in an area which had low socioeconomic, 

Status, I suppose. And, about four or five of the kids were on medication at the time. And I, and there was a child, who absolutely had a DHD, but he was undiagnosed and I went through the whole process with his mom and we went to a conference on A DHD and at the time. There was a huge controversy over the medication like that, that, that they felt that they were children were being overmedicated and, the diagnosis wasn't thorough enough, but that was 20 years ago.

So, there's been a huge amount of progress since then and understanding, and I love the fact that you are an A DHD. Coach, because I think there are a lot of people who need you. A lot of people, and they don't know how to find you. if that makes sense. my, my husband who you met has, has a DHD and, certainly it is something that we have talked about as well.

Now, he did start some yoga, which was very helpful for him. but tell me what. What does a DHD coaching, involve? So just first of all to say I'm not the only a DHD coach in Ireland, and I certainly was the. First, it wasn't the first. There was many other trailblazers before me, and I think there's over 20 of us now in the country.

Oh, brilliant. Okay. the majority of us have trained with Atca, and we're dotted all over the country. some of us specialize in different areas, I work with adults and I work with. Parents of children with A DHD. There are some who work with specialize in working with college students, some who work with teenagers, some who work with children.

so it's, it's worth noting that Mm mm So, as I said at start, A DHD coaching is life coaching, specializing in A DHD. So first of all, what is life coaching? it's so funny, like anywhere from 10 years ago to longer, you know, if you said to somebody, oh, I'm going to therapy here in Ireland, they'd look at you as if.

you, you're, what, what are you doing that for? What would you be going, talking to somebody for? And we're thankfully, now it's more accepted promoted and spoken about. I think life coaching is a little bit like that now. while it's a huge industry, unfortunately it's not very accessible, it's usually the more privileged people who are able to access coaching.

I hope that it will get to a point, and especially for a DHD coaching specifically, that, you know, it'll roll off the tongue. You know, that people will say, oh, I have an A DHD coach, and people won't bat an eyelid. So life coaching is all about looking at where you are now your goals, targets, hopes, expectations, and helping you move forward.

if you feel stuck. In life and you really wanna move forward, whether you're going through a big transition or you want to make a pivot in your life in some way, be the, be that career or relationship or, if you're overwhelmed, life coaching is a very helpful and beneficial service.

It's not therapy. it doesn't focus on the past. and we're not trained therapists but it can feel therapeutic that's what I say to a lot of my clients, especially for ADHDers, because we need to verbally process So that in itself can feel therapeutic.

Just offloading, everything that's in our head. I call it unraveling But doing it in a safe environment with somebody. Well, I, I am neurodivergent, so I know that helps a lot of my clients, they get a lot of comfort from that, but also so they, it's, it's a safe non-judgmental space. I. And coaching doesn't, like a lot of people think, oh, you just like, like a basketball coach.

I could just tell me what to do. And so we don't train, we don't teach, we don't mentor, we don't guide. coaches work with their clients and see them as creative, resourceful, and whole. our job is to. Help them figure out where they want to go. everything comes from them. We don't tell them what to do.

We don't tell them how to go about it. Our job is to listen actively, ask powerful questions and reflect back what we're hearing, what's the difference between life coaching and an A DHD coach? Well, we do all of that, but through the lens of A DHD and train specifically in A DHD, and you know, in terms of that training and how valuable it is.

I was a teacher in my first career and in the latter part of my career I worked in special education I specialized in working with neurodivergent children without even, you know, realizing why I, I just got on really cool with them, you know?

Yeah. And. But I spent all those years reading reports, creating plans, supporting my A DHD students, my autistic students, dyspraxic, you know, those struggling with anxiety, with social and emotional challenges. it wasn't until I did my training with Atca that I realized I knew nothing about A DHD as a teacher.

I have to say. I reflected back with a heavy heart I've gone through all of these years supporting children, not having the information. It's awful, isn't it? I have exactly the same, kind of guilt. I wasn't trained to tackle some of the challenges these kids had.

I was going into some really impoverished areas in London and there was very challenging, behavior in the classrooms. if I had known more about the anxiety these kids were experiencing the stress they were already coming in with the Trauma. I could have done so much more and I just didn't know.

And this is why training is such a big issue. But let's go back to what you were saying, that we've gotta try and separate ourselves from the guilt and move forward Absolutely. But also learn from it as well. I know there was something announced today in the news about teachers getting more specialized training in special education.

But I would still, question well, is that training okay? From a neurodivergent perspective, is it neuro affirming? Mm-hmm. And so when I did my training in A DHD, there was over 50 hours of training in just pure A DHD. Now, half of that was learning and listening to it, and the other half was applying it to self.

And now I feel equipped. To work with people with A DHD and. You know, so when we talk about training, it's not a word that we can just bandee about. You know, it's not a tick the box exercise. So I would say to anybody who does have a DHD or has a child with A DHD or a loved one with A DHD, is that when you are seeking support in this area, whether it's a therapist, a play therapist, an ot, or or a coach that you're working with, somebody who is neuro affirming.

can you explain to listeners what do we mean by neuro affirming? neuro affirming is all about accepting our brain and their uniqueness and how they're wired and their differences. It's not about looking at somebody, let's say for example with A DHD and viewing them their brain as disordered.

It's more viewing it as unique. and different, it's all about, well, what do they need? How can we set. Their brains up for success, not how can we get these square pegs into round holes. as a neurodivergent person, you know, straight away when somebody is neuro affirming 'cause you will feel safe.

Yes. a lot of the positive language as well. is, important I'm studying a master's in, autism and neurodiversity at the moment and moving away from this medical model and paradigm. Yes. 

That it's a deficit. Exactly. there's a big movement, to listen to people from the Neurodiverse community and have, and, and have their, their language in some of the material and in, in, in some of the. You know, there are the, this sort of lingo that gets carried around and thrown around.

and I think a lot of people don't actually know necessarily what it means. so that's why I think it's important that lists understand, the importance of, neuro affirmative language, practitioners support. when I hear about the government launching new training programs, it's like, okay.

Great, but when is our system going to be neuro affirming that's what I'm really interested in. When is our education system going to be neuro affirming? what you said there, Georgie, is that, oh, of course. My classic A DHD brain now is just flatlining on me, said, I tell you what, I'm with you.

Yeah. One of my favorite things that I read recently, so I've always struggled with, articulating myself not when it comes to stuff I'm passionate about, like mental health and A DHD. But if I am in a pickle or if I'm stressed to articulate what my needs are, I'll just sound like a bumble and idiot.

Right? And one of my favorite things that I, I learned about since becoming neurodivergent is that neurodivergent people. Feel things before they can articulate them to have spaces where you are allowed to have those feelings and express those feelings. And then the support to.

Navigate those feelings and to not be shamed for it, which is happening to so many of our neurodivergent children because they can't conform to the education system that we have now. That doesn't in any way, it's not neuro affirming in any way. what you'd say there is very, very important because, even the word space, when you think about some of the underlying, challenges that save someone with A DHD has, anxieties are really a really big one.

Depending on what they've come from at home, they come into a school and a school is extremely busy. it's full of noise. It's full of anxiety inducing things, very overstimulating. A lot of things are out of your control. The lessons you have to have, what the teachers are gonna say, what your friends are up to, the changes in the timetable.

and then, you know, in a second level school, the lunch hall in particular always, always makes me think that must be the worst nightmare for someone who's got sensory needs, underlying anxiety, seeking less stimulation. I'm hearing more and more about teenagers trying to find.

Private spaces where they can decompress and try and reduce the anxiety and put headphones in A school can be very, very tough. people are wondering, oh, but sure we're toughing them up getting them ready. making them resilient.

Yet nearly all of my adult clients, we have to do so much unpacking. And unlearning of all of those unhelpful strategies that we had to put in place because the environments we were, now, I know back then people didn't know any better, but we know now and we're not listening.

Anyway, this is probably for another podcast, but the educator in me just always gets really passionate about that It would be lovely not to have to spend a lot of time with clients unlearning. Unhelpful coping strategies that they didn't even realize, they had done.

Intuitive, yeah. Themselves. So working with an A DHD coach, literally, you can bring anything to the table. I've worked with clients on how to manage their laundry, how to manage difficult relationships, set boundaries at Christmas, navigate. A new career, a house move, relationships, building, self-esteem, you know, and exploring all the different challenging traits of A DHD 'cause I'll often.

so many people actually don't really understand what A DHD even is. Mm. And especially my adult A DHD clients. And, and I'll often hear them say, yeah, I mean, I can't do this, but I should be able to. there's all of this shame that comes with being an adult who has gone unsupported and untreated, their whole lives.

And, and so many as well have found, un. Helpful ways, of trying to deal with, with, with their A DHD, you know, whether it's the drink, whether it's drugs, unhealthy habits, this kind of thing to try and soothe. I go back to this word anxiety because I remember, the importance, the sort of the light that was shone on the word anxiety when it came to the, to my husband's diagnosis of, of A DHD.

and do you find that? You are with, with majority of your pat, your not patients, your, sorry, what Clients is probably the best way. do you find the majority of them they have an underlying anxiety with, with all of these other things that you're helping them, coaching them with? Well, like, I mean, if you break down what anxiety is, it's a physical feeling manifested from worries about future events.

Yeah. And as a Ds, the parts of our brain. So our amygdala, our limbic system, our survival brain, and our emotional brain, those parts of, our brain for neurodivergent people for a DS are. more active because our brains are constantly scanning our environments for, you know, who's gonna be the next person to give out to me?

Who's going to put me down next? Who's gonna say this next? What am I gonna get wrong next What am I gonna fall over next? so we're in, our nervous systems are hypervigilant. there's this hypersensitivity as well that comes from it.

yeah. Yeah. So a lot of people actually don't even know what anxiety is. They don't even know they're feeling anxious. Hmm. I have a background in mental health education consultancy, which I set up while I was a teacher, because we have received zero training in how to support the mental and emotional support of our students.

And I'm not talking about children I'm talking about the mental health state of our students. what I learned from all of that was the value of learning about our brain. I did past biology, but I learned about the earthworm. I did not learn anything about my brain. Amazing, isn't it? In terms of how I think, act and feel, I teach this content and I have taught it from three years to 70 and my 70-year-old clients, I integrate the psychoeducation into it because how can you truly understand any neurodivergence if you don't even know how a brain works in terms of how we think, act and feel.

Absolutely. it's that sort of metacognitive, understanding how the brain learns and behaves well, first of all, how we think accent feels. And then part of that is all these different learning modalities. And you know, unfortunately many of my clients have these stories while I'm, I'm really bad at school, but actually I've set up three businesses and it's like, yeah.

Can we just talk about that? You know? Yes. Let's, let's talk about Absolutely. oh my goodness. What, what a, what a, an amazing career to have because not only is it something that is helpful, but it's also something that you can empathize with, which is so important.

tell me how did you end up with a diagnosis of A DHD? Did you, did someone tell you to go, did you end up going, what, what? And, and were you diagnosed with a DHD and autism at the same time? Tell me a little bit about that. So. I'll, I'll try and tell the non a DHD version and bear back. yeah, so Covid hit, I've, me and my husband have moved nine times in 15 years, I knew when Covid hit and we'd lost a couple of people on both sides of the family 

I'm a big advocate of therapy especially when you find the right therapist. all the therapists were going online, which suited me great. They didn't before covid. So it was hard for me to find the time to find somebody. I said to my husband, I'm finding a therapist and I'm going in and I'm not coming out until I'm fixed, quote unquote.

And so I found a fabulous lady and we're eight months into our work together and. Something came up in our conversation she just had a light bulb moment and she said, have you ever been assessed? And I'd never said it out loud to anybody and I said, no, I haven't. But I had wondered, because it's only recently when I was reading all my students' reports, like their psychology reports or OT reports and I'd be like, oh my God, what would they have written about me back then?

I never made the connection that Little Leaf and Big Efer wasn't gonna really change that much in terms of how her brain works. But I didn't know anything about adult A DHD, and this was only five years ago and I was a teacher. Mary didn't say anything else. She didn't say, neurodivergence or anything.

You know, actually the reason we started talking is she was like, are you gonna write a book about all of this? And I started crying and saying, oh, I can't write. I really struggle with writing. And I think her radar might have been around dyslexia or whatever, which is something else I'd, be curious about.

I came off Mary and went on to Instagram and there was Mel Robbins talking about her very new, late diagnosed, late adult diagnosis of A DHD. And the three things she spoke about just really struck a chord. So then I went on the A DHD Ireland website and there was some checklist there, and I tick to 80% of the boxes.

So then my hyper focus went into overdrive. and I went straight from that into reading. Now I was familiar with Gabor Mae's work. I wouldn't recommend anybody to start reading Gabor Mae's work unless you're familiar with it and you know, 'cause it's Mm mm it's it's quite intense. Yeah. Yeah. It's heavy and intense and it's not an easy read.

So I read his book Scattered Minds, and it was literally like reading my life story. I'm here with my finger flicking the pages going, oh my God, this meets me. And it just all felt euphoric at the time. It was like, oh my God. Finally answers. And so when I went to seek a diagnosis, I only went for A DHD because again, five years ago I knew nothing about autism.

Not to the level that I know now and understand now. Yeah. And even in the last five years, the amount of adult women, and especially those that are well known. you know that's an area that's become, sorry, I have a cold and my sinuses are driving me nuts. Oh no. But, so I just sought an A DHD diagnosis and, and I got it.

And so I got that three months before we were due to leave, to move to America, myself and my husband. 'cause he was finishing off his training over there. I knew I was struggling and teaching for so long. I mean, that's something else I'd love to talk about is the fact that the education system is not very supportive for neuro divergent teachers.

when I look back now, I, I just, I dunno how I survived. I, it was the kids that kept me going, but, oh, it's very, yeah. Let's, yeah, we could talk for hours on the, of course, challenges of being a teacher. In fact. Have you, seen. the show called Adolescence.

Yes. And the amount of comments that people have made about that cannot be happening in schools like that. That's just like, I'm afraid that is the situation in many schools. not the murder, but the behavior anyway, let's go back to you.

America, you were just about to move to America. so we went to America and I knew I needed to decompress after my teaching. I had said to my husband when we moved back to Ireland, I can't go back into teaching. I'm broken. and I subsequently found out since I got my A DHD diagnosis, that working with an A DHD coach is considered one of the top supports along with medication for sup, you know, supporting someone with A DHD.

So then I, I did, I found out how to go about, so I did the training first, the A DHD training first, and then I took a break for a while, and did my life coach training while I was in America. I built up my first 100 hours over there. what I love about America is that I was quite.

You know, horrified is probably a strong word, but it's not far off. My children, were in a public school, and they're like 20 years behind Ireland in terms of how they treat children with additional needs. Even though they have all the information and the knowledge it's not been passed down.

And I'd say your experience 20 years ago. Was very much my experience they definitely suffered from secondary trauma. it also depends on the state, doesn't it? some of the southern states, would be like, I remember the stark contrast between North Carolina and New York.

North Carolina, 20 years ago, didn't recognize the word dyslexia. They would call it backward in writing. And a kid that I was teaching his parents from the military, and they flew him up to New York to get an assessment. And they did not have money.

this was like the next three holidays were out because they wanted to get him assessed. and he was diagnosed dyslexia and dyspraxia and the. North Carolina system now have a clue how to handle it. So it's so varied as well, you know. and it's money talks as well over there. we were in a system, or whatever kind of digressing there, but Yes.

Yeah. Where we were there wasn't a lot of, you know, it wasn't one of those classic wealthy areas. it was a lovely, diverse area. even though. It wasn't filtering down into the school system. All of the friends that I've made over there, or when they heard I was, you know, training to be a life coach and an A DHD coach, I didn't have to ask any of them twice if they wanted to try it.

they were all so open, you know? Mm-hmm. and they had heard of coaching and, all of that. when I came home to Ireland. I gave myself six months before I set up my business here. what led to the autism diagnosis is that the more I read about A DHD, the more I realized, oh, actually the things I'm really, really struggling with, like really grappling with aren't actually, 'cause I really struggle with change and pivoting like I'm talking.

My whole nervous system goes into collapse mode if there's change, and while a DH DS struggle with change and pivoting not to that level, so it's again, it's like, you know, what level are you struggling with these traits and. So I said that to somebody who I really struggle with change. Yeah. Well that's an autistic trait.

And I said, well no, it can't be. I've got a DHD, it must be an A DHD trait. So it's almost like I, I didn't even want to hear that. But then I listened to a podcast of two women, I think it was Catherine May being interviewed, by Glennon Doyle. And it was just light bulbs went off again. And my hyperfocus took me down.

Autism and females. I started listening to and reading, autistic females and masking, the levels of anxiety, the social anxiety, the friendships, There were so many things that hit me like a ton of bricks, but in a really helpful way.

I finally, gave myself the gift before, Christmas. people were saying, why would you bother? Because, Dr. Luke Bearden, a fantastic autistic, advocate, would say, why do people have to get diagnosed if they know they're autistic?

They know they're autistic. But unfortunately in the business that I'm in, I Just assumed it would be better. So I've known for over a year and a half, but I got the formal identification before Christmas how does it make you feel? would you advise others if they're curious, to do it if they can afford it?

'cause obviously that's the other thing. oh, absolutely a hundred percent. it doesn't matter whether you're 20, 40 or 60. The value of understanding how your brain and nervous system works. You know, because for so many of us, we have been invalidated, we've been dismissed, misunderstood.

we've been called all the labels, weird, intense, crazy, too much, 

Everybody is within their right to find out who they are and what makes them them. for me it was like, you know when you get one of those glitter jars and you Yeah. And all the glitter spinning everywhere. Mine settled. It settled a little bit when I started taking medication for anxiety.

it settled a good bit then when I got my A DHD diagnosis. But I, I still, I always liked the, the something niggling it was still niggling. And then once I got my hands on the autistic female literature and, listening, like, Carrie Grant, I could just, listen to her all day.

That's when I was like, okay, the glitter settled. now that's not to say that I don't struggle. I do 100%. I'm in the middle of a storm at the moment. we're in the process of moving and, you know, my business is taken off and my A DHE brain is like, I can't handle this, and you've got a cold, and I've got a cold, and I'm perimenopausal.

So God throw it all in. we could have another chat about the perimenopause and being a neurodivergent female. Yeah. And that in itself is just wooty. Yes. But just to know. And I think the biggest piece, what I've learned about the autism, like the A DH adhd, when I got my A DHD diagnosis, it was very much, okay, I understand how my brain works, and I could understand where I got my creativity from.

I never knew where my creativity came from. I always thought, you know, I'm not creative. but I am, I'm very creative in other ways. I still didn't know how to stop and I still didn't know how to, you know, really kind of, I was pushing myself too much since I got the autism diagnosis coupled with the fact that I've learned so much now about the nervous system and the autonomic nervous system and just how I move through the world, how I set boundaries, 

Look after myself mentally and physically. it's still hard, but the difference is it's easier because I know and I'm in a better position to manage. And most importantly, I'm in a better position to advocate for myself. while a lot of people might not understand why I might bow out of things or mightn't show up to things or, if I say something, 

I know. I think it's the best gift anybody can give themselves. And as a parent to neurodivergent children, again, that same piece is How we navigate the world. I can just set boundaries left, right, and center, because I'm like, how's it gonna affect my nervous system?

How's it gonna affect their nervous system? You know, how much time will they need before and after? I can see how helpful it's been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and helpful, how helpful you must be to other people coming in. and do you say to all your clients, just let you know, you know, I have, I have a DHD and I have autism.

Do you kind of declare that, or, oh, he does. Yeah. So they all know I have a DHD. Right? 'cause it's, yeah. You know, but I only got my autism diagnosis before Christmas and I've really taken my time with sharing that with people, but not because There's any lack of ownership there. You know, when I, when I got my A DHD diagnosis, I was short of wearing a sandwich board and going around with a megaphone.

It's because I have a DHD. Yeah. would put some of that to, the lack of self-awareness I had at the time, and my misunderstanding that everybody could hold space for this and knew what this meant for me, That wasn't very fair of me. I would just blurt it out to people and they'd be like, I have no idea what to do with that.

but since I've learned about, my nervous system and understanding what feels safe emotionally, mentally, psychologically, and physically, unfortunately, the stigma still remains when it comes to, neurodivergence.

The stigma is very prevalent I feel safer sharing it with my clients, especially when I know them a while, it's not something I blurt out, but for many of them they get comfort because they have the same wonderings, they're almost afraid to say it because their understanding of autism is the very old, archaic image that was portrayed for many years.

So a huge part of being an A DHD coach is also educating them on what the different neurodivergence is. well, obviously especially A DHD, but, but anything that I can bring personally to the table and if they ask and they want to know, then I will. No, and that's not coaching, that's just sharing helpful information, as coaches, we have to be very clear when we're in a coaching mode and, sharing helpful resources mode, they get so much comfort from it, especially parents of autistic girls because, I know it's incredibly difficult to navigate the world.

being autistic is just really cool and our community is fabulous, but trying to have to constantly fight. And advocate and educate. Like I'm exhausted 'cause I've been doing it for seven years around mental health and A DHD. But when I see young girls and they are being, what is the word?

they're getting all the labels I was given when I was younger. the problem is, the incidence of bullying, is unfortunately so much higher 'cause of social media there is so much pressure on. Girls in particular, because of the way that girls are often, targeted, there's a lot of pressure to look a certain way, behave in a certain way be a certain way.

That is like throwing a cannon ball into someone's life. I don't even know how to describe it. that's another, podcast the terrible negative impact that social media can have. Now, don't get me wrong, I think there are wonderful things about, 

Social media and the communication and the positivity, and you can be so creative and all the rest of it. But there are huge amounts of negative, outcomes, particularly for girls, and particularly for girls who are neurodiverse. And it, it's, it's, it's, but I would, some of needs to done with it.

I'm not even talking about the social media level. I'm talking about at. Family level and extended family not understanding and not being open to understanding And then you go into the education space and people do not know. They do not understand, especially when it comes to autistic women, how it presents for us.

the scary thing is they are not open to learning and the resistance to being open and to learning I've seen that as an autistic female So that's why I've been very selective. I feel much safer sharing this with you here than I would talking about it with some people that I know really well.

And it's about safety. how can we create a society where everybody. Feels safe this is where the education piece comes in. it doesn't have to be complicated. unfortunately when they bring in, curriculums, they overcomplicate everything.

what our. Neurodivergent community needs is every, like, if we talk about the children and the young girls and the young boys and and teenagers and you know, children and young adults, they need the grownups around them to be educated about how their brains work. They need to be educated on what it means, what it looks like, sounds like, and feels like to be autistic, to be dyslexic, to be a DHD, to be dyspraxic.

you are right. and then all of this through the lens of our nervous systems, because when you understand the nervous system, many parents take their children's behavior personally, and it can be really hard not to, especially in a society where children should be seen and not heard.

there's a lot of unlearning that I invite parents to do when they're ready. our children will reflect back to us, as will our students. when things are not working, when things don't feel safe. I go back to safety, safety, safety and fairness.

And if you talk to children about safety and fairness, they put order on things so much quicker than the grownups in their lives. thank you for being, such an advocate. Thank you so much for joining me this evening.

I really appreciate it. We need to hear more, from people like you about our neurodiverse, world.

and having A safe place is just so crucial. So look, IFA, thank you. and not at all. Thank you and Georgie again for this opportunity to chat. And you, I'll come back anytime. Oh, please do. . Thank you again and have a lovely evening and I will speak to you again.

Of course. Take care, Georgie. Thank you.