The End of Kicking and Trump’s Golf Antics | Ep. 19

Ever wondered why kickers even exist in the NFL? Imagine a world where no kicker is safe, and punts and extra points become the ultimate strategic play! Join me, Norman Chad, as we humorously dissect the absurdity of the kicking game and dream of a kick-free NFL. We'll explore this wacky world where field goals from Mars aren't just science fiction, and consider the strategic depth limiting punts per half could bring to the gridiron. We’ll also take a nostalgic stroll through classic Yankees-Dodgers matchups, debate the odds of high-scoring games, and even sprinkle in some satirical commentary on Donald Trump's musings about golf legend Arnold Palmer.

Chapters

• 0:00 Eliminate Kicking in NFL Game
• 6:02 NFL Picks and Penny Predicament
• 17:15 Kickers in the NFL

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

It costs three cents to make a penny. Think about that. Every time you make a penny, you've got to find three more pennies to pay for it. Norman Chad, norman Chad, and welcome to Gambling Mad with Norman Chad. I remain Norman Chad, and welcome to Gambling Mad with Norman Chad. I remain Norman Chad. Coming up today on the program, the Dodgers and the Yankees are in the World Series.

Speaker 1: 0:34

What is this 1963? Donald Trump is talking about Arnold Palmer. What is this 1963? And I take a closer look at the penny what is this 1963? But first let's talk a little more about kicking in the NFL. I got two words for you eliminate kicking. I'll get back to that in a moment.

Speaker 1: 0:58

Kickers have been pulling the wool over our eyes and winking at each other for years. There was a fellow once the Philadelphia Eagles' Tony Franklin, who was a barefoot kicker. He didn't even bother putting a shoe on. Meanwhile, the fellow who held the record for a long time for longest field goal 63 yards, the New Orleans Saints' Tom Dempsey had a steel-plated foot, steel-plated toe. Actually. Now, nowadays these 55-yarders are commonplace.

Speaker 1: 1:32

I don't know if it's the footballs that have changed, or kickers' legs have gotten stronger, or someone is performance-enhancing something, but the game has swung to the field goal too much. There's talk these days about narrowing the goal posts to make kicks more difficult, but that's just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic Plus. Who would want to watch missed field goal attempts? Okay, the solution I said it before eliminate kicking. It changes everything. It's a better game Right now. You get the ball on the 30-yard line, you make a couple of first downs, two, three first downs and you can kick a 55-yard field goal. Get rid of all kicks.

Speaker 1: 2:14

You know this is one area in which the game of soccer has it right. You either score a goal or you don't. Of course, you know it wouldn't hurt if they actually scored goals in soccer. That's neither here nor there. So okay, no kicking and no punting. What a wonderful game it would be. Now, at least on the punting front, let me suggest this Each team is allowed a maximum of one or two punts per half. This would be a great strategy element that's added. You know you got to decide when you're going to use your punts. Also, no more extra points with a kicker From the two and a half yard line, you run or pass for a one point conversion From the five yard line or the seven yard line, you would make a two point conversion. Am I smart or am I smart? What what? Some of you disagree with me.

Speaker 2: 3:07

I don't give a damn what you think.

Speaker 1: 3:16

So, on a brighter note, we are going to have a Yankees-Dodgers World Series of baseball, just like the old days. That's right, I said World Series of baseball. Thereodgers World Series of baseball. Just like the old days. That's right, I said World Series of baseball. There's the World Series of poker and then there's the World Series of baseball. Deal with it.

Speaker 1: 3:33

12th time the Yankees and Dodgers are meeting in the World Series of baseball. First time in 43 years, the Yankees have won eight of the 11 matchups. So who is going to win this time? I got no idea. I don't know. I do know that parking is going to be expensive and I do know I like the over on the run total in each of these games. Bet the overs. There is only one premium starting pitcher in this series, the Yankees' Garrett Cole. Otherwise it's five guys named Moe who are taking the mound for each team. The Yankees have Juan Soto and Aaron Judge, the Dodgers have Shoei Otani and Mookie Betts. These games are going to be six to five, not two to one. If I'm wrong hey, I'm wrong you can find me at Popeye's. But if I'm right, we're going to Sizzler getting the classic trio six-ounce tri-tip sirloin, malibu chicken and the jumbo crispy shrimp. That's some good eating in the neighborhood. Oh, that's a different neighborhood, whatever, jeez. All right, it's now time for our election update, election update 2024.

Speaker 1: 5:12

We have some important news and to bring it to you, let's go over to our national electoral map. We have a critical situation that has developed in regards to mail-in ballots. The US Postal Service is under siege Too much mail, not enough mail carriers, plus huge budget cuts. So now they have cut down on the total number of postal boxes available nationwide where you mail your letters. As of today, there are now only eight postal boxes in the entire United States for you to drop off your mail-in ballot.

Speaker 1: 5:39

So imagine if you live in Montana you have to drive to Washington or to Wyoming to put in a mail-in ballot the whole state of Texas, just one postal box. If you're in Lubbock, do you want to go down to Brownsville? Now also, republicans tend to be older and more conservative. They don't want to drive. They're certainly not going to drive at night. So this hurts them severely and that's bad news. As we told you last week, we have already projected because of mail-in ballots. We've already projected the state of California and the District of Columbia going to Kamala Harris, that's 57 electoral votes.

Speaker 2: 6:13

It's 57 to nothing already in favor of Harris, and the Republicans now got to drive all over the country if they want to put in their mail-in ballots. They'll never catch up. That Trump's a wily one. Maybe he'll find a way. Finally and this is because Republicans are stupid about climate change, as we update you on Phoenix, Arizona, it's now going to be 173 degrees there this weekend. Nobody nobody's going out to the boxes. Nobody's leaving their home. Nobody's going out to the boxes. Nobody's leaving their home. Nobody could put out a mail ballot. Nobody in the state of Arizona is going to be voting. Plus, on top of that, look down here we have Alaska and Hawaii. No postal boxes. They have to come to the mainland. Plus, I had no idea Alaska and Hawaii were that close to each other. Anyway, we'll have updates for you all weekend long Election and weather on the 5s I'm Norma Jad Time for NFL picks.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Looky here folks. Woo, 4-1 last week, now 14-10-1 for the season against the spread 14-10-1. What do you? The spread 14-10-1. What do you think I'm flipping a coin on these babies? No, ma'am, lots of film study and some next-level thinking. Okay, when they zig, I zag, when they zag, I zig, and I have zigged and zagged to 14-10-1. Let's get to the picks.

Speaker 1: 7:43

Cardinals at Dolphins. Dolphins are the lowest scoring team in football, even though they have an offensive genius as coach. That's like America having runaway inflation, even though we have economic geniuses on the Fed. Well, the Dolphins have a solution. Tua is back at quarterback despite three concussions in two years. From a human standpoint, I wish he were not back. These head injuries can be devastating and debilitating. From a gambler's standpoint. If he's back, I might as well take advantage of it. Tua brings Miami back to life. Dolphins in this game, minus three.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Falcons at the Buccaneers, falcons at the Buccaneers. This game has all the sex appeal of a Janet Yellen Tupperware party. But hey, don't sleep on Tupperware parties. There are some real bargains to be found. The Buccaneers are underdogs at home in this one. Why? Because almost all of their wide receivers are hurt. So what? Just run the ball then. Who's the running back? Bucky Irving, who sounds like Beaver Cleaver's best friend, but Bucky is averaging 5.2 yards per carry. Go Bucky, go Bucs. Buccaneers plus two and a half Saints at Chargers.

Speaker 1: 9:02

The Chargers are at home, but the Chargers really have no home games, because most people in Los Angeles still think the team plays in San Diego, and most people who go to SoFi Stadium are rooting for the other team. The other team this week, though, is New Orleans. The Saints stink. The Saints have lost five straight games. The Chargers have Justin Herbert, jim Harbaugh and 10 or 15 fans, which should be just enough to cover the spread. It's a big number Chargers minus seven.

Speaker 1: 9:36

It's time for the calendar game of the Week, the all-new Colander Game of the Week. It's our Colander Pick of the Week, and it's Bears at Commanders. This game might be Caleb Williams versus Jaden Daniels, if Daniels is healthy which is the Aaron Judge-Shohi Otani matchup of rookie quarterbacks. They both are very, very, very good. It's hard to figure out how good their teams are. Chicago and Washington keep beating very bad teams, so who knows? The Bears have beaten teams with a combined 6-20 record. The Commanders have beaten teams with a combined 10-25 record. I like the Bears in this one because they are 8-3 against the spread versus NFC East teams when staying in a Hilton property on the road since 2014. Bears minus 1.5 in the calendar pick of the week.

Speaker 1: 10:39

Chiefs at Raiders. Go and figure. The Chiefs are unbeaten despite the fact that Patrick Mahomes has thrown six touchdown passes and eight interceptions. Go and figure the Raiders somehow beat the Ravens in week two. I wouldn't believe it, except it was televised and I watched it. Anyway, the Chiefs' defense is very defensive and the Raiders' offense is very offensive. I mean offensive. I looked at the Raiders' playbook the other day. They don't have a single play designed to get a first down. That's not good football. We're going to take the Chiefs to win this one easily. Chiefs minus 10. Degen's Chiefs to win this one easily. Chiefs minus 10. D-gen's gonna D-Gen.

Speaker 1: 11:26

Police in Portland, oregon, recently pulled over a 1994 Ford Taurus that had been stolen. Inside the car were a 35-year-old man and a 37-year-old woman with $1,360 in cash, a loaded .357 Magnum, three Oxycontin pills, a bag of meth and a meth pipe, according to the smoking gun. Police then searched the vehicle further and they found two scales more meth and a brown bag that was labeled definitely not a bag full of drugs. Okay, I found that rather clever. Inside the bag marked definitely not a bag full of drugs. Was you guessed it, drugs? Here's the thing about the Donald Trump Arnold Palmer

Speaker 1: 12:15

business. At a campaign stop, the failed casino owner who was running for president on the Apocalypse Party ticket decided to talk about the size of Arnold Palmer's pecker pizzle plunker, whatever you want to call it. I'm not sure why Trump would have intel on Arnold Palmer's pecker pizzle plunker, whatever you want to call it. But here's exactly what he said about one of the greatest of all time in golf. Quote when he took showers with the other pros they came out of there they said oh my God, it's unbelievable. End

Speaker 1: 12:52

quote. Let's just talk professional sports for a moment. After a baseball or football or basketball game, the players shower in their locker rooms and those are community showers. So lots of naked men standing near each other soaping down. But golf is not a team sport. Golfers come off the course at PGA events, usually two at a time. You don't have a bunch of golfers showering at the same time. Some golfers even wait until they get back to their hotel to shower after a round. So it's a bit unclear about Arnold Palmer taking showers with the other pros and then, apparently, if we're to believe this, at some point, when the other pros were golfing with Donald Trump, they mentioned to him the unbelievable nature of the peckle pizzer, pizzle plunker, whatever you want to call it in

Speaker 1: 13:46

question. The Donald Trump Arnold Palmer thing did remind me of a legendary Hollywood story about about Milton Berle. Usually I'd make you huckadoodles, google Milton Berle, but I'll take care of this one. He was a comedian in the mid-20th century and one of the first huge stars of television. Like Arnold Palmer, berle was acclaimed for his pecker pizzle plunker, whatever you want to call it. Probably seen countless times when the stand-up comics would shower after a comedy club set. Anyway, milton was hung like a moose and as the story goes and there's a dozen variations of the story one night Milton and his wife went out to dinner with another couple. Milton and his buddy got into an argument on who had the bigger pecker pizzle plunker, whatever you want to call it. They decided to make a bet on it and as the two gentlemen got up from the table to go over to the bathroom, milton's wife tapped him on the shoulder and said honey, show them just enough to win.

Speaker 2: 14:57

Honey, show them just enough to win.

Speaker 1: 15:06

Before we wrap up, I'm going to say this one time and one time only the penny has got to go. I'm a cash guy, I'm a coin guy, I'm not a penny guy. They are useless unless you are wearing loafers from 1955. Now other change has its place. People still use quarters at the laundromat, nickels, dimes. Quarters are still helpful for parking meters and even pay phones. Yeah, there are still some pay phones out there, mostly there, not here.

Speaker 1: 15:39

The pennies got nowhere to go. Most banks won't even take them anymore when you bring them in. Penny stocks. Fine Penny arcades. Fine Penny lane. Fine Penny Marshall and Penny Hardaway. Fine Penny Wise Pound, foolish, fine Pennies from heaven. Fine Penn Wise Pound, foolish. Fine Pennies from Heaven. Fine Pennies in my pocket. No, sir. Plus, get this. It costs three cents. It costs three cents to make a penny. Think about that. Every time you make a penny, you've got to find three more pennies to pay for it. Oh, I feel like Kramer. You got to figure, kramer, he would have had a jar full of pennies. That'll do it for another edition of Gambling Mad with Norman Chad. Hope to see you next time and remember, if you're going to roll the dice, make sure they're loaded. Norman Chad.

Speaker 1: 16:46

I've got nothing against kickers in the National Football League. They're just trying to do their job and I understand you usually don't want to penalize someone for doing their job too well. But hey, enough is enough. These guys never miss Inside of 40 yards this year they are 98% and beyond 50,. These freaks have made 83 of 109 field goal attempts between 50 and 59 yards. We've had three field goals made this season beyond 60. What's next? 70 yarders, 80 yarders? A guy who kicks a field goal out of his own end zone. It's a football game. We want to see people hitting other people. We want to see people scoring touchdowns. We don't want to see some five foot nine inch guy smoking a cigarette prance on in and kick the ball 65 yards. But plus, a lot of these kickers are immigrants from other countries taking American jobs.

Speaker 2: 17:39

You want to make America great again, and I mean really great.

Speaker 3: 17:43

Then round up all these kickers in sanctuary cities and ship them out on the next SpaceX to Mars. Otherwise I will go gambling mad. Gambling Mad and on editing Azure Pride audio video engineering and studio facilities provided by 360 Pod Studios Beverly Hills and Slap Studios LA. If you want to complain to Norm about anything, make sure to reach out at Gambling Mad Show anywhere you get your socials and at Gambling Mad with Norm Chad on YouTube. And if you really want to get at him, send a message to info at slapstudiosla.