Trump's Day 1 Plans, Canada and Inner Excellence | Ep. 29

Imagine a world where historical figures get a presidential pardon, the United States humorously toys with the idea of annexing Canada, and Antonio Brown makes a headline-grabbing appearance at a whimsical inauguration. We don our comedy hats for a satirical exploration of what a second Trump presidency might look like, complete with playful critiques of music performances and the fanciful logistics of U.S. statehood. Join us as we juggle the hypothetical with a bit of humor, imagining conversations with world leaders and adding a dash of pop culture to the political mix.

Chapters

• 0:00 Trump Inauguration and NFL Predictions
• 8:59 Predicting NFL Playoff Winners
• 20:04 Decline of Basic Decency

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Former NFL wide receiver, antonio Brown, announced he will attend the Trump inauguration. Brown said he had nothing better to do that day, with all of his sexual assault, domestic violence and child support cases finally settled out of court. Norman Chad, norman Chad, welcome to Gambling Mad with Norman Chad. I am Norman Chad Coming up today on the program. The Rams will upset the Eagles. It's amazing. A football player reads a book. That's more amazing. And Starbucks now says you have to buy something when you go there. Well, that's not amazing. Gambling Mad, as always, brought to you by Fritos, picked fresh off of Central California trees every morning, delivered directly to your local retailer every afternoon, and by Fresca. It's the refreshing taste of Fresca, fritos and Fresca. It's a meal.

Speaker 1: 1:11

Donald Trump, unofficially the 45th president of these United States, will become the unofficial 47th president of these United States next week. He has a hectic, frantic day, one planned the day after the inaugural activities, and I have received an advance copy of the White House planning schedule for Tuesday, july 21st. Let's run through it. 6.10 am Tune in to Fox and Friends to catch some Inauguration Day highlights. 6.33. Set up Diet Coke mini-fridge in Oval Office. 6.59, pardon all convicted. 1,000-plus January 6th rioters, plus Jimmy Hoffa and Henry VIII. 7.04, discipline Eric for missing curfew last Friday night. 8.15, order four-year supply of bronzer from Costcocom. 9.01. Run to the bank to cash $200 million in Inaugural Committee donation checks. 10.15. Daily check-in with Putin to tell him a Polish joke. I knew Putin, I knew him well. 10.50. Word of the day lesson from Barron 11.45. Double quarter pounder with cheese time. 12.23 pm. Make third final offer to Denmark for Greenland 1.10. Declare Canada the 51st state. 1.11. Rename Quebec City Trump City. 1-12. Grand opening offer to new Canadian Americans Buy one Trump Watch, get the second Trump Watch for 5% off. 2-05. Convert the White House guest restrooms to pay toilets. 2-28. Convert the White House guest restrooms to pay toilets. 228. Rewatch video of backstage twister game at the 1997 Miss Teen USA pageant 3 o'clock. Ask President Musk if he wants anything from KFC. 425. Order Stephen Miller, steve Bannon, dana White and Kid Rock to seize the Panama Canal. Yeah. 5.40. Remind Ivanka to return the White House to China. 6.22. Pizza Tuesday 7.10. Weekly call with a Jewish person the Jewish people. 8.50. Reorganize Time Magazine Trump covers on the East Sitting Hall coffee table. And finally, wrapping up the night at 9.35, call Melania to find out if she plans to move in With Donald Trump back in the White House.

Speaker 1: 3:57

One of his first priorities, sources tell me, will be to convince President Musk, to convince Canada not to put up a fight on this 51st state business. Now, I like Canada a lot, but I am on the record that we should not add it to the USA. It's too big and it's too cold. Plus, and no one ever brings this up the food. What is the food? When we go out to eat, I say to Tony hey, you want to get Italian tonight, chinese Mexican? I never say, hey, you want to get some Canadian food tonight? In addition, I'm on the record that 51 is a bad number. We need to stay at 50. While I will support whatever the White House wants at 50. While I will support whatever the White House wants, I have been sending them a battery of proposals to how to obtain Canada and keep us at 50 states.

Speaker 1: 4:52

So let's go to our big map to talk about one of these proposals. We want Canada, but we want to stay at 50 states. So why do we have North Carolina and South Carolina? We don't have North Georgia and South Georgia. Carolina one state bang, and Carolina sounds like a great place. Why do? We have North Dakota and South Dakota. We don't have North Montana and South Montana. Dakota one state bang, and Dakota sounds like a kick-ass state. Now we're down to 48 states and we got some maneuverability. Okay, we can add two states, we can add Canada. We can add Washington DC, we can add the Panama Canal, we can add Greenland, we can even add Mar-a-Lago. We get two more states. It makes it easy.

Speaker 1: 5:45

Quickly now our national weather forecast for the next week it's going to be cold everywhere except Phoenix Arizona A sweet 102 degrees, no wind you only have to comb your hair once a day. Traffic and weather on the fives all weekend. Now back to the desk. It's time for Trump. Tittle, tattle All the latest news on America's first twice impeached, twice elected commander in chief.

Speaker 1: 6:15

Cue the music. Donald Trump still wants to annex Canada, but as a convicted felon, he is not allowed to visit there. Actually, canada, this doesn't sound like a half bad deal. Donald Trump's popularity rating has soared to an all-time high. To acknowledge this, president Biden has ordered American flags to remain at half-mast for an additional 90 days. The Trump organization just hired an ethics advisor. He will be quarantined for the next four years. Former NFL wide receiver Antonio Brown announced he will attend the Trump inauguration. Brown said he had nothing better to do that day with all of his sexual assault, domestic violence and child support cases finally settled out of court. And finally, carrie Underwood will perform at the inauguration. Underwood's handlers gave the incoming White House a list of suggested songs. The Trump team accepted America the Beautiful and rejected. Before he Cheats, time for NFL picks.

Speaker 1: 7:28

It isn't easy, friends and foes. I don't want to sprain an arm, patting myself on the back, but Medic, medic. But I'm telling you, you know, after going 39-34-2 in the regular season and that was an off year for me I went 4-2 on the opening weekend of the postseason. Did you go 4-2? Do you know anybody who went 4-2? You and your brother couldn't go 4-2. Most of you don't even have a brother.

Speaker 1: 8:01

Before we get to this weekend's predictions, let me talk about somebody who's not as good come playoff time Steelers coach Mike Tomlin. Tomlin is now 0-6 in his last six playoff games. In the last five games, the Steelers have been outscored in the first quarter 63-0. In those five, the Steelers are allowing an average of 39 points a game. It's painful, rather painful, for me to report these numbers because I am a Steelers fan and, by the way, I am a Steelers fan although I have never been to Pittsburgh, go figure. Hey, I'm also a fan of chocolate, although I have never been to Hershey, pa. And I'm also an NFL handicapping savant, although I can't throw or kick a football 10 yards and I haven't worn a jockstrap since 1971. Let's get to the games.

Speaker 1: 8:59

Texans at Chiefs. The Chiefs' resume is very clear. This season they had the NFL's best record 15-2, but 11 of those 15 victories were one-score games. Seven of those victories were by three points or less or went to overtime. Even Patrick Mahomes had a very un-Mahomes-like season 26 touchdowns and 11 interceptions. For whatever reasons, the Chiefs are just simply not routing opponents. The Chiefs beat these same Texans in Kansas City just a month ago 27 to 19. This time they will beat the Texans 27 to 20. How do I know this? I know what I know. So if it's going to be 27 to 20, I've got to take the Texans plus eight points.

Speaker 1: 9:54

Commanders at Lions. We've begun most of 2025 in a depressed mood, and that depression will deepen if the Lions cannot win this week and next week to get to the Super Bowl for the first time ever. America seems to be rooting for the Lions, at least the America I see at 7-Eleven every day when I get my morning microwave burrito. When the Lions nearly got to the Super Bowl last year, it was the first time Detroit had won a playoff game since the 20th century. You remember the 20th century, huh man? We were so happy back then. I'm a little worried about the Lions right now because near the end of the season, their injury-depleted defense gave up 31 points to Green Bay, 48 to Buffalo and 34 to San Francisco. The Commanders will score, I think, a lot of points as well, but my built-in brain calculator says the Lions will score just a few more on Saturday. Let's hope the Lions win, but I will take the Commanders getting nine and a half points.

Speaker 1: 11:02

Rams at Eagles. Everything here statistically favors the Eagles. The Rams have trouble stopping the run and the Eagles have Saquon Barkley. The Eagles are good at stopping the pass, which might slow down Matthew Stafford. The Eagles have won 13 of their last 14 games. They are 8-1 at home this season. So why am I picking the Rams? Am I thinking with my heart instead of my head? Folks, I don't even have a heart. Sean McVay will out-coach Nick Sirianni in this one. Rams in an upset. Second straight week they will win in an upset. I'll take the Rams getting six points.

Speaker 1: 11:47

Ravens at Bills how is it possible, how is it possible that the team with the better record playing at home, where it has not lost a game all season, can be the underdog? This is an America I do not recognize. But here's the weird thing Most of America will be rooting for the Bills. They've never won a Super Bowl and lots of fans want to see them get there against the Lions, who have never played in a Super Bowl. But this point spread opened with Buffalo as a one and a half point favorite and most of the betting public said me Baltimore. So the line has moved all the way to Ravens minus one. The public is usually wrong, so I am gravely worried that I agree with them. You just can't stop Lamar Jackson right now. If you literally shouted out to him stop, you think he's going to listen to you. No way I will take the Ravens minus one.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Wide receiver AJ Brown was spotted by Fox Sports reading a book on the sideline during the second half of the Eagles' 22-10 playoff victory over the Packers. And of course, sports Nation lost its collective mind. Reading a book while working, that's bad enough. An athlete reading a book during a game, he's got to be a communist or something. I will say this Can you imagine Charles Ponzi himself reading a book in the middle of a Ponzi scheme? Can you imagine General Patton reading a book in the middle of a World War II battle? Can you imagine Donald Trump reading a book in the middle? Can you imagine Donald Trump reading a book?

Speaker 1: 13:46

The book in question here is Inner Excellence by Jim Murphy, written to quote train your mind for extraordinary performance and the best possible life. Oh, so it's sort of a print version of Gambling Mad. We here at Gambling Mad applaud AJ Brown for reading books. Apparently, I'm the only one who applauds You're late. I love the fact that AJ Brown for reading books. Apparently, I'm the only one who applauds You're late. I love the fact that AJ Brown reads books. If more people were still reading, I could still be writing and you wouldn't have to listen to me babble here each and every week. Brown posted on X that he brings the book to every game and reads it between every drive to refocus and lock in. He wrote this game is 90% mental and 10% physical for me, which of course recalls Yogi Berra's famous quote baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.

Speaker 1: 14:46

Let's turn to the NBA, one of the seven areas of American life in which I have unusual expertise. The Golden State Warriors are 19 and 20 in the tough Western Conference, where they may or may not make the playoffs. They're doing a curious thing Twelve players on their roster, who have played in almost all the games, are averaging at least 13 minutes a game to which Fox Sports, oracle, colin Coward, who I like a lot, has repeatedly said who I like a lot, has repeatedly said you can do this 10 or 11 or 12 guy thing playing a game in the regular season, but that won't cut it in the post season. Now, in Coward's defense, this is conventional wisdom. In the NBA, in the playoffs, coaches depend on an eight man, sometimes nine man rotation.

Speaker 1: 15:36

But this business that you cannot win in the postseason otherwise is, as is often the case, balderdash. Did I miss something? Who makes these rules? Did Moses come down Mount Sinai with 11 commandments on the tablet and the 11th commandment declared you shall not bear more than eight players against your postseason opponent. You know we tend to do what we always have done. Sometimes something else that we've never done can work. Imagine that Now I don't know if Warriors coach Steve Kerr will use 10, 11, or 12 players in the post season, but if he does it successfully, hey, another cultural barrier will be torn down. Here is your fact of the week that you will find nowhere else Actor Dick Van Dyke will celebrate his 100th birthday in 2025. Okay, that's impressive, but that's not even the fact of the week. According to at Codify, baseball's X account, babe Ruth hit 405 home runs after Dick Van Dyke was born. It shook me to my core when I just thought about that. Maybe I got a different core than you got.

Speaker 1: 17:07

Our just-say-no-to-Starbucks boycott keeps gaining steam as the beleaguered coffee chain giant continues to tumble. It announced this week a new policy that you have to buy something if you go in there. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I never realized you didn't have to buy anything if you went into Starbucks. Apparently, they had established an open-door policy back in 2018. If I had known this, I would have gone to Starbucks every single day to relax and convince other customers not to buy anything. A Starbucks spokesperson said the new rules are designed to help prioritize paying customers. That does make sense. For instance, if I walked into a Mercedes-Benz dealership and had no intention of buying a Mercedes-Benz, and I would have no intention of buying a Mercedes-Benz they should prioritize the other customers before they prioritize me. Anyway, our next Just Say no to Starbucks Boycott meeting will take place this coming week at the Popeyes at the corner of Sentinella and La Brea. Call me or text me for further details.

Speaker 1: 18:24

Before we wrap up, I'm going to say this one time and one time only Let the animals out of the zoos. Yeah, the zoos where the monkeys and the elephants and the lions roam endlessly in captivity. Zoos. Really, sure, sure, sure. Let's take these creatures out of their natural habitat, stick them in a bunch of cages and have people stare at them all day. How would the Kardashians feel if we did that to them? Actually, that's a bad example. But if there were a constitution protecting animals, wouldn't it state that humans don't have the right to capture and confine animals? And, believe you me, an animal constitution wouldn't have no damn. Second Amendment Zoos force animals into an unnatural environment, unless you think zebras are just dying to live in Indianapolis. Zoos are barbaric, like being left alone at a Black Eyed Peas concert. Why do we still have zoos? What is this? A trick question? They make money. If there's any justice in the afterlife, we'll all be in cages and Tasmanian devils will watch us eating microwaved popcorn. That will do it for another episode of Gambling Mad with Norman Chad. Hope to see you next time and remember, if you are going to roll the dice, make sure they are loaded.

Speaker 1: 20:04

What is wrong with us? Basic decency is now an endangered species. Former President Jimmy Carter passes away and half of social media is pissing on his grave before he's even in the ground. Los Angeles suffers epic fires that burn down 10,000 plus homes and displace 100,000 plus people, and pundits and congressional house rats try to score political points. Arguing water management as a tragic destruction rages on With the Carter death.

Speaker 1: 20:34

Donald Trump heartlessly whines that flags shouldn't be at half-mast during the inauguration. Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who has the intellectual capacity of a tsetse fly, then decides to further inflame the non-issue by defying US tradition and flying the flags at full mast during the inauguration With the LA fires. The righteous and the right demand a recall of the mayor and the resignation of the governor. The righteous and the right demand a recall of the mayor and the resignation of the governor. The Speaker of the House says relief aid to California should be conditional On what, and the next president posts the words. Trump was right in front of a shot of a raging inferno. What is wrong with us? Left and right plus red and blue equals a black hole of humanity. We are ugly and we are divisive. We are insensitive and we are combative. We are pig-headed, intractable, obstructive, prejudiced, obstinate, intolerant and unyielding, not to mention ignorant, vacuous, bird-brained, creakness, half-witted and flat-out, dumber than a doornail, and it's making me gambling mad.

Speaker 1: 21:40

Thank you.