Ep 91 | How to Correctly Analyze Red Flags During the Talking Stage.

In this week’s episode, AJ and I review how to analyze red flags during the talking stage. 

Jazaa K’Allah Khayr for watching this video, and In Shaa Allah we’ll see you next time!!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So we've learned a number of concepts over the last four episodes about narcissists, and we're ready to apply them to real world problems. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Assalamu Alaikum and welcome to the Muslim Marriage Podcast, where we show you how to find and build a healthy marriage as a Muslim. I'm Zahr Hassan.

SPEAKER_04 0:22

And I'm AJ, and we've been married four years. For four years. Four years, yes. Okay, because it's something married four years.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Alright. I'm gonna let that stand.

SPEAKER_04 0:35

For four years.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

There you go.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

I feel like grammar-wise, though, we've been married four years makes more sense.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

It's true, but because it sounds the same as just you being sick and tired of this marriage, like we've been married for years.

SPEAKER_04 0:52

We've been married for years.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

There you go. Okay. Uh and before we get started, if you haven't already subscribed to our channel on YouTube, please do. It really helps us out. And now let's get started.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Let's get started.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

So this week, um, we haven't done this in a while, but I thought it would be to important to take a break and to apply some of what we learned already to be before we move on to more concepts, new concepts. That makes sense. Things have been quite heavy recently. A little bit. Okay, so this episode um is entitled, Is this a red flag or am I being paranoid? You're being paranoid. Uh we will find out. So this question is going to be coming from the Muslim marriage subreddit. Uh, sister says, I recently met a man on a Muslim marriage app and we hit it off right away. We have the chemistry, similar values, and we check off each other's boxes. He's extremely kind and loving and shows care. Now here is the issue, or I don't know if it's an actual issue, or insta has just ruined this for all of us. Um, hence my post. Everyone talks about narcissistic men love bombing women. If I go by those insta re Insta reels, oh she means Instagram, he literally fits all the criteria of love bombing. He has told me I'm kind I'm the kind of woman he has always been looking for, told me he loves me within two weeks of knowing me. Granted, we did meet and talk a lot in these two weeks. He brought me a very expensive gift, goes above and beyond in trying to show his care, told his parents about me, etc. etc. I am not seeing any red flags in him. I mean, he obviously has has some. He's not perfect, we all have our flaws, but the only real concern I have is constantly seeing on Instagram how love bombing is a real thing and how one should run if that happens. But if it weren't for those reels telling me to run from this love bombing, I'd think he's perfect. After all, who doesn't want a man who showers uh uh his woman with love and care? Me, I don't want one. Okay, but alright, that's fair. On the other hand, I also hear about how men can tell very early on if it's the right woman for them and the whole if he wanted to, he would. So perhaps there is that as well. For context, in case that matters, we're both divorced. His is a lot more recent than mine, and he says he hasn't really dated or talked to women since then. Any advice on what to look out for? Anyone else experienced this? Would love to hear also of a success story of someone that started off this way. Is this actually love bombing or am I just getting my ideal scenario and should be grateful to Allah because I don't see a downside? I too have always prayed for a man who is head over heel heels in love with me and dotes on me and goes above and beyond. He doesn't make me feel like it's fake. It's not like I feel uneasy or my gut is telling me this isn't okay. It's honestly just those Instagram reels just getting me to watch them that made me post this here. Um please don't come at me for taking relationship advice from Instagram reels. That's not what I'm doing. I'm just making sure that this is not actually what everyone warns against. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_04 4:07

Interestingly enough, I feel like knowing the person for two weeks and then saying that you love them is a bit over the top.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Now it's the opposite of what I did.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:22

Where very quickly after I met you, um, I told you I I'm gonna do whatever I can to marry you. Uh after But I didn't tell you that I loved you.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:33

Cause that's wild.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah. And it was over a month after we met.

SPEAKER_04 4:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

So what do you think is going on with the situation here? Do you so you think that it is strange that he said that he loved her after two weeks. Two weeks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:50

You know, that's it's it is weird, right? Because first and foremost, it takes you two weeks to even leave your company. Yeah, that's you may have been with your company for years.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Right. And they're like, Two weeks, we're gonna we're not gonna miss you.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:04

You know? Two weeks, we find a replacement for you. Yeah. That's two weeks. Yeah. It's a s it's a short amount of time.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:11

And so how do you get emotionally attached with someone in two weeks to the point where you say, I love you?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

That's a good question. She did say that they spent a lot of time together during that two weeks. Two weeks. Yeah, that's true. Even if they spent a lot of time together, it's things can be sped up pretty quick, right? Um, so there are cases where I've had clients who uh for one and I I wasn't always coaching Muslims. Um, before that I was coaching Muslims, I was coaching non-Muslims as well. So I had clients who would be on the phone with each other all day, texting all day at work. Um, and so they would rack up a lot of hours in those two weeks where they were just talking, talking, talking. Um, so that that there is a possibility that that two weeks might translate into like a month. But do you think that so what would be your final verdict for the sister if she was standing in front of you, you know, and she said, This is my situation, what do you think? Is he being genuine or am I being love bond? I would say slow it down, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

Because what first of all, they didn't tell us how long ago they got divorced. She said his was more recent.

SPEAKER_02 6:22

Exactly. Right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

Um, but that could be months, that could be years. We don't know how long ago it was. That's true. Yeah. So we don't know if he's in a rebound phase of some sort, you know?

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:35

We don't know if he has been um out of marriage for so long that he forgot the pain of the old marriage, right? Uh maybe he'll only remember the positives. Yeah. And maybe he's just in love with the idea of marriage.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

You you have touched on a lot of points that I think are very important, right? Um I think the most important sentence here is when she said we are both divorced. His is a lot more recent, and he says he hasn't really dated or talked to women since then. He's this he's literally rebounding.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

This individual is literally rebounding. Um, and he might have the best intentions. You know, I've spoken about this before. Just because somebody is uh love bombing, the only ones who are intentionally love bombing are the ones who are intentionally being manipulative. So these tend to be narcissists or people who have personality disorders, right? They're the um it could also be the people who have uh are looking for a tangible gain, you know. There are people who do love scams, romance scams, where they are active on these dating apps. Um, they reel somebody in and promise them the world, love bomb them in order for a tangible gain, in this case money. Sometimes a tangible gain can be citizenship, sometimes a tangible gain can be status, right? There's so many different tangible gains. Um, but they do they use this process of love bombing, and that love bombing is intentional. People who are personality disordered do intentional love bombing. People who are rebounding, it's it tends to be uh subconscious, it's not intentional. Like they they think that they are being genuine. Like if you were somehow to hook them up to a lie detector test and be like and ask them what are your intentions with this woman, their intentions would be I will I want to marry her.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

But if you ask them why do you want to marry her, right? That's where That's where it gets tough. Yeah. So why do you think that people who are rebounding love bomb? What is their goal?

SPEAKER_04 8:50

Um I think it's to sort of like entice the other person to accept them faster. Yeah right, so that way they don't have to feel the emptiness or the loneliness any longer.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:05

They can feel validated.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

Yes, exactly. Actually, in the comments, um, sometimes I just go take a look at the comment section. And some one of the people here did a wonderful job of giving a very well-thought out comment where they listed all the possible reasons. So they suggested uh one of the reasons they suggested is maybe he is love bombing or maybe he is just lonely. I don't know. And the original poster responded, that was helpful, thank you. On your point, he is definitely lonely. So I don't know if that translates to the reason he's love bombing, or that if he actually genuinely likes me and wants to spend time with me. So why is it that people who are rebounding love bomb? We're going to do a whole episode about uh people who are uh rebounding um as part of this red flag series, along with the other different archetypes uh of red flag uh individuals. But for our purposes here, the reason why people who are rebounding love bomb is because they are in pain. That's it. There's separation anxiety, um, and it's it's painful to uh for two reasons. Number one, you're away from the person that you want to be with. Even if you didn't want to be with them, there was uh comfort in the companionship, right? So you're away from this uh source of validation and reassurance. And number two, uh there's nothing, there's nothing there to fill it, to replace it. Right? So those are two different things. You're away from the person you want to be with, and uh now you're you also have nothing to replace that with.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

The healthy way, we again we've done a whole episode on what to do if you're going through a breakup in order to help you let go and heal and process the information faster. I think it was the fourth or fifth episode that we did, if you take a look at the um uh list. But the the healthy way to start to let go of the process involves um involves uh applying uh sorry, understanding what the grieving process is, first of all. You know, there's all the five different stages of grief, um, and accepting that you're gonna go through all of them and using some simple strategies to help you through each of the different stages of grief, right? So again, I recommend you go and listen back and listen to that episode. But all of that takes some level of emotional intelligence, some introspection, it takes some level of being comfortable with being uncomfortable, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:43

I think I think if I were and correct me on this, because it's a raw analogy, not very cooked. Um I think rebounding is in essence just like a basketball's rebound.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

Uh in comparison to love bombing. My theory is that the faster the person tries to rebound, the less intensity their love bombing might have. Right. Whereas if they take a longer time before rebounding, it might be more intense because they've had those feelings of loneliness and whatnot um arise stronger and build up, right? Whereas if a person divorces their wife and then in like within a week is trying to find another wife, they might not just go super strong, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:45

And it's sort of in the sense as like if you literally throw a ball and the higher you drop it from, the longer it takes to rebound, the stronger it is on that rebound.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:00

So maybe they love bomb stronger the longer it takes to rebound.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

And I see I I what you're saying makes sense, but the the um intensity of the love bombing is going to and I'm assuming that this is somebody purely who's rebounding and has very few narcissistic traits, so that that's not another confounding variable. It's just purely a human being who's rebounding. The and they have met somebody and now they in order to get away from the pain, I need to recreate this new relationship, get like speed up this new relationship so to fill up all of the empty spaces in my life uh to get away from this pain. In order to speed that up, I need to do love bombing, which is the motive, which is why they do love bombing. Um, the intensity of the love bombing is gonna depend um completely on how much pain they're in and their ability to process that pain in other ways. So whenever you have somebody who is uh less emotionally mature, like um for the our married couples on uh Thursday, Fridays, whichever day that we release, usually it's Thursday or Friday, we release those episodes. The series that we're working on is about emotional unavailability. And we talked in detail about the mechanisms in which emotional unavailability can happen in men, right? With through social programming, social learning, telling them to shut off their feelings, uh, all of these things. Um, in some households, in some societies, that's gonna be that messaging is gonna be a lot more severe. So when you come across individuals out in the wild, there's gonna be people who are just completely shut off from their emotions and are not are not able to interact with their emotions in any way. So that means even a little bit of pain is gonna be way too much for them to deal with. So that's uh the first first aspect is how much pain how what what is their ability to process the pain. And the second is just proportionately how much pain are they in. So even if it's somebody who has some level of emotional intelligence to be able to interact and process start to open up a little bit and to deal with the pain, if this is someone who, you know, was in a 10-year marriage, yeah, and um their spouse was just they found their spouse cheating on them and they no longer have access to their children, that person is gonna be in a lot more proportionate pain. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

So it's the the just the objective intensity of pain that a person has and what is their ability to interact with and process this pain. Those two factors are gonna determine how intense the love bombing is.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

So it's literally just a baseball bat to a rubber ball. Yeah, pretty much. The stronger you wing the you you swing the bat, right? Yeah, the stronger the pain, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:54

And the harder the ball, the less it's able to emotionally regulate.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:00

Almost a soft ball, yeah, which is basically water, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:06

And the bat won't be able to hit that very far.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:10

So the love bombing is gonna be very mild.

unknown 16:12

See.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

But what if the bat hits it soft and it's also a soft ball?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

That's just a normal person that doesn't love bomb.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

I'm not gonna lie, I know what you're saying, but my mind is blown. It's it's hurting a little bit in keeping track of the analogy, but I think it works. Yeah. I think it works, right? Baseball to uh uh a rubber ball. Absolutely. Yeah. Sports, yeah, football, sports, sports. Um but hopefully that makes sense, right? So that's the intensity of love bombing. So if we come back to this question and this uh young lady who was sitting, was uh submitted this question to me and asked me this question, I would say yes, you are being love bombed, right? Um, whenever you are answering this question for yourself, and you are you have met somebody in the wild and you have a set of variables and you're asking, Am I being love-bombed? Um, am I being uh devalued? Am I being discarded? You have all these questions, right? Is this person a manipulator? Is this person rebounding? Is this person in love with love, one of these archetypes? And you're asking any of these questions. The way that you approach assessing the situation is you have to look at the entire context. If you just take one or two variables, uh he's given me a very expensive gift by itself, that's not enough information. Um, even if you say he's given me a very expensive gift, and after two weeks within meeting him, I mean that's a little bit stronger, and now you have there's an asterisk behind beside this person's name, and you're gonna have to keep in mind, but you still don't have enough information. You need a more holistic con uh context. So he's given me expensive gifts, he's telling me his love he's loving he loves me within two weeks, and he's rebounding. Like uh he he's re recently divorced, and I'm the first person he's interacting with since his divorce. That's a much more complete picture. Do you see what I'm saying? So that's how you come to those decisions. Given that information, given that complete picture, this is somebody who is love uh rebounding. Yes, and this is somebody because they're rebounding, is love bombing you.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

Um I I have to apologize. Um my mind was a little distracted because of the whole baseball conversation. Yes. I'll tell you why, in particular, I don't like cricket. Okay. Just specifically? Yeah. Cricket. I don't like cricket because baseball is played with the baseball, football is with a football, basketball's with a basketball.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:45

Why do they do an animal cruelty?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Right? That's a good question. That's a good question.

SPEAKER_04 18:51

Where are they getting all the crickets from?

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Well you're saying there's more than one. Yeah. There has to be. There has to be. Okay, now that's an image that's gonna be hard to wash out. Um but that is an interesting question.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

That's wild, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yeah. It'll be it'll be one for Google. I think we will finally confuse the AI.

unknown 19:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Um But that hopefully that makes sense. Now let me adjust let me adjust uh her question a little bit, and then you tell me if it's still love bombing or it's not love bombing. Sure. Um, let's say that everything else that she said stands, but it was one month. She said after one month, he said that he loves me. He said uh he's bought me these very expensive gifts. Um and he's and he's been divorced. Uh and I'm the f very recently, and I'm the first person he's talked to since his divorce.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

I think that's still love bombing. Um because first and foremost, very expensive gifts, and he said he loves you. Dude, pick one. You know? Give the others a chance.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

You l you literally gave me expensive gifts and they were not expensive though. Well, okay, that's like a diamond or something. Yeah, like jewelry.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

I think the max price was like somewhere like seventy dollars or something.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

I see what you're saying. So in her case, let's say he was he was giving her jewelry. She was saying very expensive gifts. Let's say he's well off and that for him it's not expensive.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

Oh. Okay. I wouldn't consider that well love bombing then. Okay. I would not consider that. I think the fact that he said I love you, I would still say that's love bombing. But the money-wise would not then mean love bombing.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:40

Um spend.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:46

Right?

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

Um if they're spending a fraction of what they can spend, um, even if it's multiple times in proportion to what another person can spend or the average person can spend, yeah. I don't I wouldn't see that as love bombing because subconsciously, if they're trying to love bomb you, they're gonna spend a lot more. That's true. Right? They're gonna in proportionate, they're gonna spend something that they'll see is a significant purchase. So they might just give you a car.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

Okay, so I agree with you that in that case, if it's been one month and the gifts are expensive, but they're proportionate to how much uh not for him because he's well off. And he's saying I love you, but they're spending a lot of time together, which let's assume all that time is halal, right?

SPEAKER_04 21:33

Um I would say saying I love you is love bombing.

SPEAKER_00 21:37

But literally.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

I think that um when you spend a proportion of like a lot of time with somebody over a month period or like a number of hours with somebody, uh then feelings tend to develop and depend depending on how comfortable you are with saying I love you in your regular life. So it could be that he says I love you. His family to the people he cares about. This happens, right? That he might be a little bit more emotionally available and is comfortable saying this. Maybe he said this regularly with his wife. Um, so for him, it's easier to say these words. So I think because it's one month, right, and they're spending a lot of time together, assuming all this time's halal, uh, that it would be less likely love bombing given the parameters that I've given. However, I would still advise her not to go forward with the situation because it doesn't change the fact that he is rebounding.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

Right? It it's important to remember that even if you're not being love-bombed, even if the whole situation is going normal, um, but the person you're talking to has been divorced, we'll say three months um from their spouse. Um, you know, they were living to g they were they went from living with their spouse to living by themselves uh three months ago and their whole life changed. It's uh it's a it's a really big emotional upheaval that takes time and uh to heal through. Very, very few people who are healthy are able to heal through something like that in that short period of a time, right? Now there are cases, and I've come across these before, where for example it was like a long distance marriage where there was a great deal of detachment already in place, so that that three months might not actually be three months. It could be that they were living apart for a year, uh the la and especially over the last six months, they're not really talking. Do you see what I'm saying? So there is it's it's according to the context of the situation. So I'm assuming this is his he lived with his wife and he went from being living with her to not living with his wife. And if it was a short period of time ago, this person is rebounding. If they have completely healed in that short period of time, that's not a good thing. And um, if they are not healed in that shorter period of time, that's also not a good thing. Does that make sense? Yes. So if somebody, let's say there was a way to like there was a device that could beep, beep, beep, um, detect healing, like if whether or not a person is healed. And um and you were able to press a button and got a check mark over his head, he's completely healed.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Even though it's been three months. Yeah. Um, what does that signify?

SPEAKER_04 24:27

Uh wouldn't it would likely not be love bombing.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

No, I'm I'm not worried about the love bombing. Okay. But what does that signify?

SPEAKER_04 24:34

Should she go like if she was able to guarantee this person is if he was completely healed within three months, it would signify the guy's a psychopath.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

He was emotionally unattached to his wife. Does that make sense? So he was living with a his wife, but he was emotionally detached from her. Um, and I would have some questions as to why that's the case, right? So if he's not really able to articulate and not really able to explain, you know, we just kind of drifted apart, or we were never really that close. Sometimes you'll hear something like that. That means that this person might have an attachment insecurity. Um, that's what that would mean. Uh, if somebody is completely healed from a previous divorce in a very short period of time, there might be an attachment insecurity that's above your pay grade that you don't want to uh deal with, right? Um the other case is that he thinks he's healed, which is more common. Most of us, right, are we think that we hear we're healed, or we think, you know what, I still feel really bad about what happened in that divorce, and I'm dealing with that day to day. I have my up days and I have my down days, but I feel like I'm ready to start a new relationship. That's usually the thought process. Yeah. Now, why is it that a bad bad idea? Because he genuinely let's say this person, if you give him a lie detector test and you say, uh, do you want to marry this woman? Yes, I want to marry this woman. I see a future with her. I still have a lot of emotions from my previous divorce, but I think I'm ready to start this new relationship. What is the downside? What is the risk there?

SPEAKER_04 26:12

Uh, okay. Um what if that person fully ends ends up fully healing and then realizes that some of the injury or some of the pain is what enabled them to get along with you?

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Beautiful. Well, it's beautifully put. That's actually the reason, right? Because when you once when and I'm sure every everybody has gone through a painful breakup at some point or in some context, right? When you are in that state of going through the separation anxiety and going through the grieving process, you are not emotionally sober. And you are in somewhat pain. Yeah right. So the emotional equivalent would be let's say that you're fasting. We're fasting and you haven't eaten for a while, and you check your fridge, you check everything. Oh my goodness, I have no food. So you go to the grocery store having been fasting the last like eight, uh, 17, 15 hours in some places, right? Are you gonna be clear-headed enough to buy healthy things?

SPEAKER_04 27:16

Oh, absolutely not. No.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Exactly, right? Because it you're the the way uh the context of the situation is going to be coloring whether what what kind of food you're gonna buy. And that same way, when we are in emotional pain, that emotional pain is going to color uh who we're going to choose. We might not be choosing the person because they're right for us, but they we might be choosing them because we feel better around them. And those are two different things. Because once you're emotionally sober, because you've healed and a sufficient amount of time has passed, you're now gonna look at this person that you're married to sometimes for the first time and realize honestly, there's so many places where I don't even know if I like them. And I've seen that happen so many times. Where they look at the individual for so uh the first time they're like, I don't, I mean, you chew really loudly, right? Um, or you're you really like to talk, and I don't like to talk that much. You're very affectionate, I'm not that affectionate, right? So it's like there might be so many incompatibilities that they glossed over because they felt better around you. So that's the risk. That's the risk that you take when you are um getting into a relationship and marriage with somebody who is not yet emotionally sober, which is why it's so important when somebody is still in that phase of uh being fresh out of their divorce, even if even if it feels like they're healed, even if they are healed, either they are have an attachment insecurity, which is not something that you want to deal with, or they're not emotionally sober, which is also something you don't want to deal with. So those are the reasons why, even if she is not being love-bombed, being love-bombed is not the issue here. Uh uh, the the issue is that he's rebounding. That's the bigger issue.

SPEAKER_04 29:10

On the topic of fasting, real quick.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 29:13

Um, in the MBA at Kim Alanjo on, right? When he used to fast during his games, during Ramadan, teams hated playing against him because that's when he was at his strongest.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 29:28

Yeah, that's when he was at his strongest, that's when he would score the most, right? And so they hated playing against his team when the Ramadan came around.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

Uh matter of fact, uh he was so dominant, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

That people would actively try to just avoid him.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Yeah. I remember there was a Sheikh during one of the lectures who explained that the Muslims during the pri time of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Um many of the battles they fought were during Hamadan. And the battles that they're fighting is not, you know, behind some computer playing with a joystick with a drone or whatever. But you were they were wearing chain mail, yeah, armor on a horse in the heat in the Arabian heat, you know, and they were fasting. So this is um Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala gave fasting to us as a blessing. Uh strength. As a strength, as a source of strength. And this Ramadan, I think, is going to be so much more important than previous ones for someone.

SPEAKER_04 30:28

Don't forget to fast because it's your source of strength.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Insha'Allah. But with respect to this question, hopefully I have we have given an idea of how to analyze a situation. So, really quick, I know I taught I talk a lot and I repeat a lot, and the reason why is because this is a teaching podcast, right? Um, so really quick, when you are in a talking stage and you're trying to analyze the situation, take bits and pieces of information as they come, but it's not any one piece of information that's going to give you your the answer you're looking for, it's going to be the whole context of the situation, right? The whole context of the individual uh of everything that happened will tell you this individual's intentions. Um the strategies that he may or may not be using or she may or may not be using are part of that whole picture. But what's more important than the strategy, such as like love bombing in this case, what's more important than the strategy is what is this person's intention? That's what you're looking for beyond the love bombing. Yeah. Does that make sense? Makes sense, yeah. And as we go through the red flag series, um, we're gonna go through the seven different archetypes. We've we've talked in great detail about the uh archetype of um the manipulator or the narcissist. We have one more episode of those that we need to go through that is called the religious narcissist, because spiritual narcissism is a thing, and anyone who has spent any time on the internet has seen uh has a sense of what that might look like. Um, but it's important to know what that looks like in terms of the people that you're talking to and you're in talking stages with. Um and after we're done with that, we'll go through the other six uh archetypes, inshallah, in rapid succession. So that's this episode. Um, is there anything that we're missing? No, that was beautiful. Okay, Jizakhalakhaed, I appreciate that. Um so if you have made it this far already, Jazakalakhaid, really, really appreciate you choosing to spend your time with us. Um, if you haven't already, don't forget to get your free copy of my compatibility guide, which literally outlines for you uh what pieces of information to collect and how to collect it during your talking stage in order to understand whether or not the person you're talking to is compatible. I think it's very valuable information. Um you can get that for free by downloading your copy from the link in the description below. Um, if you haven't subscribed to our YouTube channel already, please do so. It really, really, really helps us out. Um have a wonderful rest of your week. Please stay safe wherever you are, and as salam alaikum.