18 | Pregnancy Round Two: Fertility Myths and Mindset shifts

In this episode of Partners Beyond Parenthood, I’m sharing a personal update on my journey through my second pregnancy. 

I reflect on the differences between my first pregnancy and this one, from the decision to expand our family to managing pregnancy while raising a toddler, and how my knowledge as a parent has grown. 

I also dive into common misconceptions surrounding breastfeeding, fertility, and periods, offering insights from my own experiences, and talk about how I’ve used the Oura Ring and Natural Cycles method to track my fertility and conceive.

I share my evolving perspective on C-sections and vaginal births, inspired by recent conversations with podcast guests. As I prepare for both possibilities, I emphasize the importance of having the right support system and keeping an open mind.

Tune in for a personal and hopefully informative episode if you are trying to conceive again!

Connect with me:
https://www.instagram.com/sababosuener/

Join the Partners Beyond Parenthood Facebook group to connect with me and other parents. Share your stories, get tips, and support each other on this parenting adventure!

Head to the Partners Beyond Parenthood YouTube channel for more!

I'd love to hear what you thought and if you're curious about any topics that you'd like me to explore, you can email me at hello@partnesbeyondparenthood.com.

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

So today's episode is a little different. It's a little insight into my personal life right now, since I am pregnant again. Hello and welcome to Partners Beyond Parenthood, the podcast that helps new parents thrive without losing themselves. My name is Saba Puzuner and my mission is to help new parents gain clarity on what their priorities and needs are. So today's episode is a little different. It's a little insight into my personal life right now since I am pregnant again. So in this episode I want to talk about a few things such as deciding on having another, the difference between the first pregnancy and this one, and how it is now as well with the knowledge I have gained throughout my first pregnancy with this podcast until now. It's honestly crazy. You think you've been through a pregnancy already and that you'd quite a bit and Of course, depending on how much you prepare and your support system, those people that you have around you, that will vary. But for myself, someone who I'd say prepared quite a bit, I have so much more knowledge now and confidence in my body and what it is capable of. Other than my own personal experiences and stepping into this new identity as a mother, Starting this podcast has also taught me so much and I already feel even more knowledgeable as I've just been exposed to different parts of motherhood and parenthood and so many different facets that belong to this journey. So I'm excited to share with you my personal experience and also things that I've learned on this journey. So first things first, actually getting pregnant again. There was definitely some confusion here. I have been told that women don't get their periods when breastfeeding as it essentially serves as a protection mechanism of getting pregnant again, since your home hormones are still out of balance and so on. And then I'd overhear conversations where some women would say they got pregnant after six or eight weeks because they thought they couldn't get pregnant. So it was definitely information that many women had heard somewhere, but apparently Not based on facts. While it might be true for some mothers to get their period or ovulate, since discharge can be a bit confusing right after birth, I did also hear that many other mothers never got their period while still breastfeeding, which wasn't the case for me. I actually got my period about four months after giving birth. I was still exclusively breastfeeding and I don't know how that happened or what was happening with the hormones, but at four months, sure enough, my period was back, which essentially would also mean that I was ovulating from that time onwards and I'd be able to conceive again. I wasn't ready to have a baby at this time, uh, so we hadn't actually started trying. That said, it did make me feel more comfortable knowing that I wouldn't have to wait as long to stop breastfeeding and then go for a second baby. My partner and I had always decided that we definitely wanted multiple kids. He was and is more in favor of having three kids. For me it was a minimum of two and I'd be open to three depending on how it goes with the second, so we shall see. Well we're there now and we use a natural cycles method which is an app, so very natural in our hormones. You just measure your temperature every morning, and over time the algorithm gets to know your cycle better and can give you the most fertile days of when you can get pregnant. That coupled with luteinizing hormone tests can help you nail it down further to those two most fertile days out of the month. The first time around, I did it with a thermometer, and this time around, they coupled it with the Oura ring, which is amazing because I often forgot to measure my temperature as soon as I woke up, which you're supposed to do. Um, Which kind of got my basal body temperature out of whack at times. So this aura ring hack has been great. It also helps you understand your sleep score and how that's going. And overall, I really like that combination, primarily because it takes away actually needing to remember to measure anything. For those of you who don't know what an aura ring is, It's a ring that primarily is a great tool to cover your quality of sleep and over time helps you get better sleep by showing you insights and giving suggestions of what you could change like cutting caffeine after a certain time, taking magnesium at night, no late dinners or alcohol. Uh, and well, that's a brief overview since we're not really talking about the aura ring here, but just so that you have a little insight into what the aura ring is. Oh, and of course it measures your temperature, which for getting pregnant has been. So, yes, I got my period at around 4 months, definitely was not ready at this point, and in general, because I had a c section, I was told I'd have to wait 2 years before the next baby could be born, which meant that you'd essentially only start trying after 15 or so months. I went to go see my gyno, and she actually said I should probably wait. just a little bit longer, just because of how things were healing or how she saw the internal scar to be. So we waited a tiny bit longer to actually start trying. And I have to say, I was very surprised the very first time when we started trying for our first, it took us eight months, which granted there was a lot of travel in there, you know, across continents. So big time zone shifts, the wedding happened in Ethiopia. My then gyno when I was living in Mexico told me that this can also have stress on the body. So. That definitely, well, not definitely, but it probably played a big factor towards that. But this time around, it actually took two months. And what I've gathered from that experience, and just the difference how long it took for the first time versus the second, of course, things can change all the time, but I really believe it had to do with my thyroid gland. I've always had some minor issues with my thyroid gland, but my lab results never showed anything so drastic that I would have needed medication growing up. When I went for a full blood test evaluation before getting pregnant, I went to a doctor who essentially asked me about the different symptoms that I had and said that if I didn't really have serious symptoms, you know, I wouldn't need to take any medication. I then went with the same lab results and showed them to my OBGYN in Mexico city, uh, who I was hoping would follow my pregnancy. And she said, Yes, I could see why the doctor might say that, but from a gyno perspective, taking a very small dose of a medication which is used for hypothyroidism, which is what I lean towards, is taking a little bit of uterox, a very, very small dose. So I started taking that and as soon as I did start taking it, so the first time around with the pregnancy, I think I actually got pregnant about two months after starting the medication. I've been taking this medication since then and Well, essentially since she prescribed it to me, which is why I think, you know, my thyroid levels kind of being more balanced now definitely helped conceiving the second time around. So it was a lot faster. So if you've had issues, whether it be, you know, with your period coming back or not, I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked and don't stick with just one opinion. Definitely try and get another. There can of course always be other factors and both you and your partner can get checked, This is one that I know impacted getting pregnant in my case, so if you're on this journey it's worth getting that checked out, if you haven't already. You can also see an endocrinologist, who's a specialist for thyroids, or even a clinical nutritionist, I think that's, those are the specialists for this, who can maybe help evaluate that a little bit further. I was almost so certain that I got pregnant already after the first month of trying until one night I woke up in the middle of the night and just started throwing up. My husband woke up and literally came to me and said, Should I get a pregnancy test? Meanwhile, I was so miserable, but it had crossed my mind because it would have been around the time to kind of take the test. But as soon as he realized it wasn't just throwing up, and I also had a case of diarrhea, he kind of gave up on the idea and realized, okay, she probably just had food poisoning or a virus. So. It was funny though, that it was, that was the first thing that crossed his mind. Needless to say, he was excited, and we are both very excited to be pregnant again. And for this pregnancy, we decided to actually not find out the sex of the baby, which is very hard, I won't lie. It's also very interesting because here in Spain, they almost always refer to your baby as he. So you kind of almost automatically assume it's a boy and then you realize, oh no, it's just the translation because baby in Spanish is masculine. I want to make sure I wait until at least six, seven months. So, you know, there's like this mystery around what you'll have and the experience where you don't get that instant gratification that we usually get in our day to day life. It's honestly, I feel like the only thing where you can almost have that control to say, I don't want to know, you know. And there aren't many things in life like that, so I think it could be a very interesting experience. And once you make it that far, I think, or I hope, I'll have the determination to keep it up until the birth of the baby. I'll see how it goes. I'm still very early on. I'm now at 14 weeks as I record this. Some of the biggest differences I've noticed between the first and the second pregnancy is, first of all, things are definitely a lot different when you have a toddler. Now, I have no idea how people raise twins. Honestly, I have so much respect. Or triplets or you know, more than one kid at the same time. It honestly sounds crazy. I can't imagine how it is to have two at the same time, because one is already a lot. So yeah, biggest difference is of course, having a toddler when you're pregnant the second time around. The first time everything is so new and you know, just a unique experience. Like you start feeling the baby and your second trimester, the bump starts growing. You start noticing. well, in my case, a lot of back pain, which wasn't so fun. Um, you know, your hair gets longer and stronger. So many different experiences that are new and that you just start finding out about, you know, the female body, which is incredible of what we can go through and just, again, how powerful our bodies really are to transform and grow a human. So, you know, you've been through those first impressions, experiences and seeing how that can all happen. So by the second time, even though it's still very exciting, at least in my case, I feel like it's not, you know, as unique. I remember that at the very beginning I would check what fruit my baby was at and every week I'd be on it, sometimes checking multiple times and still being like, Oh, it's still the same fruit, like the blueberry or orange or whatever size it was. So I sometimes almost forget what week I'm in and. I've heard this from so many people before, but I guess at this point I can confirm it's true. I had to double check that before recording this. But I think the difficult part about having a toddler, and it obviously depends on each toddler and their temperament, is you just don't know what phases they'll be going through. Like, the fatigue that you experience in the first trimester, maybe, maybe even a bit longer, It's crazy. I would definitely need multiple naps and I don't know if that's just because you're creating this human that your body's demanding so much more energy or is it also just coupled with the fact that, you know, your toddler has just decided to have a massive teething episode. So that makes for many sleepless nights on top of the fatigue you're feeling. So the nights have been pretty rough. She's also generally, I think, a loud or noisy sleeper. And even if she does sleep through, she'll still make a lot of noise and kind of make herself heard. So, you know, I'll kind of wake up thinking or looking at the screen wondering, do I need to go in? So you're kind of multiple times just evaluating whether you need to go in or not, which takes a toll on your sleep. for short, even if you don't have to get up. Then there is the daytime. They demand a lot of energy from you and attention. I love picking up my toddler. She loves being picked up and being carried and playing a lot as I'm sure most toddlers do, but you start noticing that this can impact your pelvic floor differently. I did actually recently speak to a pelvic floor physiotherapist who pointed that out and I was like, Oh, I hadn't even thought about how that would impact my pelvic floor throughout pregnancy. I'd only ever thought about it during training, like, lifting, if you're not doing it properly and things like that, so, definitely different demands on your body. Then trying to deal with nausea. If you didn't or if you don't have it, I am so happy for you, but nausea sucks. Of course there's people who also have to throw up, and thankfully for me this time around it didn't happen. The first pregnancy I seemed to have issues with altitude, so every time I flew back into Mexico City, which lies at a very high altitude at around 2, 300 meters, I would barely make it home. This time around it's just been the nausea, so I haven't actually had to throw up, which for a change is nice. but just the whole feeling is awful, especially when you want to be there for your kid. Sometimes you don't have a choice, like your partner's not there, or you don't have a nanny or someone to step in, and that's difficult for sure. It's also so interesting though, I think of, you know, some of the symptoms I had in the first pregnancy, I thought maybe it would be a bit different because I say every pregnancy is different, but the smell aversion for me is the same foods as the last pregnancy was eggs and salmon. And it's just, The same this time. It's just horrible. One of the biggest differences, as many people can probably attest to, is that you just show a lot earlier. Depending on how your weight fluctuated after pregnancy, breastfeeding, and all those things, or before you got pregnant, that will also impact it. I never got back down to my pre pregnancy weight, so that's also been a journey in itself. Again, a whole thing with my own personal recovery that I now know so much more about and is going to impact how I prepare for birth the second time around. You generally start showing a lot earlier earlier and it's mentally a bit harder to go or to start from there. I started showing by week nine or maybe I was really bloated at that time. I couldn't wear the jeans anymore. I had to wear leggings, uh, to feel comfortable, but thankfully it was summer so I could wear a lot of dresses. In general, people wouldn't really notice, but I guess that's in a way a benefit of never really having lost the, some of the weight. So there was just more room for the baby to grow before it actually really started showing. By 12 weeks, though, I was definitely showing a bit more and by now it's definitely become more prominent. But I'd actually like to go back to the recovery part, which essentially impacted how I never really got back to a fitness level that I wanted to be at. My mindset actually changed on my second birth experience after speaking to Brianna Battles, which was a very recent episode. This episode and the knowledge I gained honestly came as a big shock to me that I was all of a sudden open to having another c section for my birth. You know, for the longest time, I've always thought that c sections meant. Or were basically the equivalent to a long recovery. That a vaginal birth was so much better, and that's what you should always strive for, and that's what I wanted. I thought, okay, well, I've gone through almost a year and a half of some kind of recovery because I totally misunderstood my body. You know, I hadn't, Really found the experts to tell me what it might be or the people I did see were very very cautious Telling me I should basically refrain from doing a lot of things that I really wanted to do. In general I wasn't able to get back to the high intensity levels that I did before Which was CrossFit. I did that throughout my pregnancy obviously modified But that's kind of where I was hoping to get back to and I never did because people were like Oh, no, you have to be careful with this and you know your pelvic floor and all that stuff. But having spoken to Brianna Battles Who has a coaching program and coaches pregnant and postpartum women. She basically is gone and done. Research has spoken to a lot of experts and assured me that what we're made to believe about c sections is false. There's no evidence to actually back the fact that c sections require a longer recovery. Both births will require recovery and up until that episode I was very determined to have a VBAC, which is a vaginal birth after c section, and now I'm definitely more open to potentially having a c section again, just because of how she phrased it and kind of reassured me and also told me that, you know, she already had this localized trauma, uh, which is where the scar is, but her pelvic floor hadn't been affected, which is essentially the same as my case. Of course there are nuances, but in general, recovery can look so different when you're prepared and you have a great support system or an expert team helping you through it. So this has definitely opened my mind. I'm now also in a course, funny enough, also from one of my earlier podcast episodes. Um, she's a pelvic floor physiotherapist. Her name is Sophie Villeneuve. And she offers an online course to help you and your partner, uh, prepare for a vaginal birth and a c section and the recovery for either. I love the fact that having this experience, I've been exposed to these women, these incredible women, um, that I speak to on this podcast. And they're just educating me on the possibilities of how different things can turn out. And being prepared, not just for one experience, like just a vaginal birth, which is what I did in my first pregnancy, can actually be so helpful. I just thought it would be a vaginal birth the first time. I'd manifested it so strongly, like I didn't even consider that I could have a c section. But the truth is you just never know what's going to happen or what can happen. So. I'm definitely preparing for both this time, not just mentally, but physically as well. I just want to know that I'm doing the best that I can to have the best experience and just keep an open mind. As long as I end up healthy, the baby ends up healthy, then that's the most important thing. And knowing that I have a team of experts supporting that journey this time around gives me a lot more peace of mind as well. My mindset has definitely shifted, and I'm super grateful for all the parents that I do get to speak to on this journey. It's very eye opening and just, you know, I'm excited to keep learning and also update you guys on how the pregnancy is going and other things that I learned along this journey. So I hope these insights are helpful and I'm open to any questions you have for myself or even for you. For me to ask other parents or experts and thank you so much for tuning in and see you next week. Thank you so much for tuning in and sticking around to the end. If you've just watched and enjoyed this video, I'd be so grateful for a like and if you'd hit the subscribe button. With your support, I'll be able to invite bigger guests and provide more value. If you're listening to the audio only, make sure to follow this podcast to get tips on parenting and partnership and hear inspiring stories from other parents as well. See you next week.