Getting Comfortable Being Seen Again

When we are shattered by loss, devastation, and grief, we can start to fade, diminish, and become smaller, not physically but emotionally. Returning to a life lived in forward direction is not about forgetting or moving past our heartbreak. It's about the fact that we are still HERE! An if we are still here, then we still still have a meaningful purpose for not just existing but living fully out-loud. Today we push back on the naysayers of our life, both from others and especially from our own self-talk, and start showing up with a new forward living purpose. 

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My friends, there comes a time in recovery when hiding no longer feels like it's helping us to heal. And perhaps one of the bravest things that we can actually do at that particular time in our lives is to step back into the light and simply say, Guess what? I'm still here. Hello, my friends. I'm John Morrow, and let me welcome you to episode number 23 of Resolve to Live Forward by episode 23. I mean the 20, the 23rd in a series of episodes that began with the first week of April. More about that in a moment. Thank you, by the way, for joining me. Getting back to that point, we've entered the sixth and final month of this series of episodes today, being number 23. I want to talk about something that does not receive nearly enough attention when we talk about the process of grieving, loss, recovery, our personal growth, and just starting over again in a sense, if you want to call it that. I want to talk about being seen. And what I mean is not merely being physically present. I want to talk about us allowing ourselves to permit the world to actually see us for who we truly are. Who you truly are. I want the world to be able to see your personality, your ideas, your laughter, your talents, your hopes, your ambitions, your enthusiasm, and yes, your imper your imperfections. That's right. We're flawed. We're imperfect people, but that is why life is life. Life is about all that stuff and more. Because sometimes after we've experienced a devastating loss or even a major disruption in life, we don't disappear completely. We just tend to be less visible, less present, and sometimes we don't even realize that we're doing such a thing as that. But you know, it's interesting as I'm going through the journey I'm going through, and I know people who are going through the grief process because I see more and more of it every day. I can see where they're doing some of the things that I'm talking about, and I can confess to doing some of the things that I am talking about, doing them myself. After my wife died, the world around me changed in so many, many ways, and they're difficult to explain. It's difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced the death, for example, of a spouse, a significant other, a deeply heartfelt companion. She was everything to me. She was my lover, she was my friend, she was my wife, she was the mother of my son. She was also flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone, blood of my blood, heart of my heart, soul of my very soul. Our minds were even interlinked with each other. It's uncanny. Routines, decisions, memories, our social life, our plans, even little conversations that we had, these were the things that were intimate to us. These were the things that nobody else hears. And then suddenly there was complete and utter deafening silence. I've spoken about the darkness that followed the death of my wife many, many times, but there was something else that was happening during that period that we often call mourning, but it's that grief period. My world got smaller. Let me say that again. My world got smaller. Yes, I'm still John, but I wasn't completely sure who John was anymore. It was more difficult to define who I was. This was the John who had been Donna's husband. This was the John who was part of a couple, a pair. A match set. We were identified as a unit of one and yet two distinct people, but we were definitely singular in our coupling. The John who had plans for the future always had those plans involving the both of us. The John who is here now finds himself having to rediscover the man that's left. What remains of me. That's a very strange journey because grief doesn't merely make us miss that person, that special someone. Grief makes us lose sight of ourselves. Here's something I've learned. I want to share it with you. You can go to meetings, you can attend church, you can visit family, you can go grocery shopping, you can put a smile on your face, you can conduct conversations and even network, you can even stand in front of an audience on a stage and speak. And yet still you're hiding behind something. There is a difference between showing up and allowing yourself to be seen for who you are. Showing up means your body is in the room, but being seen means you are in the room. Your opinions, your sense of humor, your curiosity, your self-confidence, your dreams, your enthusiasm, your willingness to contribute. And don't forget your willingness to risk being noticed, to put yourself out there. But that's different in the way it feels. Please know that's a very, very different feeling. Because after loss, being noticed can feel strangely uncomfortable. Because you wonder what people are thinking about you if they know. And in my case, because of the tremendous host of people that I've come to know in my life, I wonder what they were thinking in their minds. There's John, and he's by himself. Donna's not with him. Am I allowed to enjoy being alive again? And are people allowing me to enjoy being alive again? And further, because that's such a difficult question, I believe we need to look deeper into it as an important question. I know for me it's one that I've grappled with and I still grapple with to some degree, but I'm getting better at it, and I'm glad I'm getting better at it because it's helping me as I talk and communicate and fellowship with people who are walking the same journey that I'm walking. Have you ever felt guilty that you're still alive? Yeah, I've seen lines in uh stories on television, motion pictures, where the grieving spouse, male or female, says, You weren't supposed to be the one to die first. Why did you leave me here alone? Why did it have to be you to go first? And I wonder how many people listening today have experienced that. Let's look at some situations. Something makes you laugh. And you really laugh because it is so funny. And for just a moment you forget all about your grief. Then something strange happens. You feel a sense of guilt. Why am I laughing? I've got no business laughing. I've got no business enjoying myself. Here I am, surrounded by interesting people, and suddenly the thought enters my mind, how can I be possibly enjoying this when the most important person in my life is gone? And I understand that feeling, and there are those of you out there watching the YouTube channel and listening to the podcast, and you feel the same way. But here's something that I've come to believe much more strongly over the last just over seven years. Loving someone who dies does not require us to stop living. Let me say that again. Loving someone who dies does not require us to stop the process of living. If you have joy in your life, that's not betrayal. Laughter is not a sign of disrespect towards the dead. Making new memories does not mean you're erasing and eliminating the old ones. And becoming excited about the potential for tomorrow by living as fully as you can in today does not diminish the importance of the lessons that you learned from yesterday and how you apply them to today so that you can be excited about tomorrow. Everything about what I've just said coexists in the same space with us. I want to be certain about one thing, and I want you to know this. I can and I do deeply love and honor Donna Morrow, my late wife. And yet, as badly as I miss her and wish she was living and she was here with me, I still love the idea of being alive and living my life and discovering new exciting things about my life. Those truths are not in competition with each other. They actually belong together, they are interwoven together, they mesh together, they they they exist side by side. At some point, our recovery requires something from us. And that means we have to risk engaging and participating in life again. Not because the grief has disappeared, and not because everything suddenly became easy, and certainly not because we were able to forget, because we don't, you don't forget. If anyone tells you you can put those memories away, move past them, and they no longer exist, that's a lie. We participate because life is still inviting us to live it. And that's what I mean by getting comfortable with being seen as just who you are at this particular time in your life. It might mean speaking up in a meeting, accepting an invitation that comes as a surprise, and going to the event, joining an organization or supporting a group, starting a business. Excuse me. Uh going back to school, taking a class, or even taking a private class, an online class, going somewhere and actually going to be there alone. I've thought about that from time to time, although I'll be honest with you, there have not been too many times in my life where I've found myself alone intentionally. But anyway, let's get back to the point. What about making new friends? What about sitting down and writing? I I got down to business and wrote a book. It was not an easy task, but I wrote the book and it got published. And it took people around me to help me do that. I got back on stage, started speaking again, kept speaking, and this past February 21st of this year, 2026, I stood on a TEDx stage in Lake Alfred, Florida, and gave a TEDx speech. I record this podcast, and we are rolling forward to completing three complete years of this podcast, which is published across the podcast hosting platform BuzzSprout. And through Buzz Sprout, it goes out to Spotify, it uh goes out to the Apple store, it goes out to other audio podcast platforms, and then I upload this recording that I'm doing, crude as it may seem, to my YouTube channel and I put it out there on YouTube as well. I simply introduce myself to people. And in many, many cases, when I'm in a room full of people I've never met before, I introduce myself to them. I take the trouble and make it a point to say, hi, I'm John. It's nice to meet you. And those actions, to the person who hasn't walked the journey of grief, may seem quite ordinary, but after you've suffered a major loss, they are actually, in my opinion, acts of courageousness. Every one of them says, I am willing to participate in my own life once again, and I make no apologies for. Oops, making mistakes. I'm still fumbling the ball sometimes, and my words still get messed up, and I say the wrong things. And yeah, there are some people that have gotten a little bit put off with me. But the thing is, is I'm still discovering things about myself. And here's the funny thing these are things that I didn't really know. And in some cases, I'm also rediscovering some things about myself that are important because I'm still asking one of the most exciting questions any human being can ask, and that is simply, what's next? What's next? See, I don't believe that question belongs exclusively to the young. I think that question belongs to people who are approaching an expiration day. As a matter of fact, I think purpose comes with an expiration day. And I certainly don't believe our usefulness disappears because the calendar says we've reached a certain age. Although there are certain people out there that look at me and say, how can he possibly, possibly be useful? Because he's, have you ever heard the phrase, he's over the hill? Yeah, I'm in the sunset of life, but the sun is still there. There is still light, and that light is life. You and I live alive today. That means today we still contain possibilities in us, and that means the day is full of possibilities that only we are capable of doing. Some of them are very small, some from time to time are actually quite enormous, but possibilities are there absolutely, positively, no matter what. They are, and everybody listening understand there's possibility in every day. I'm not talking about possibility thinking, I'm talking about the fact that if you're not engaging life, you're missing opportunities to experience those possibilities. Being seen requires that you be disarmingly vulnerable. That's the catch. However, if you want to be seen, you risk being seen for who you are because people will get to know you. But again, being known and being seen for who you are is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This means that there will be people who will disagree with you and people who will criticize you. You will have ideas that don't work. There will be invitations that will be declined. You may walk into a room and find yourself feeling strangely awkward. You might try something and discover that, man, I'm terrible at this. Good news. That's great. That's life. It's about imperfections. Do you remember the phrase in John Legend's song where he talked about the woman that he loved and her perfect imperfections? Now that's a love song, of course, but that's life. And loving life means living it imperfectly. That's life. If you've been in the dark, and now you're emerging back into finding your way forward with meaningful purpose, welcome to life because life is about living it, living it to be seen and living it out loud, and in living it out loud, making a mistake or two along the way. Living forward isn't about constructing a life which nothing uncomfortable ever happens. No, quite the contrary, that's not living, that's hiding. Living forward means developing enough resilience to simply say, whatever happens, I trust myself to continue. And this is where the letter R from my power word resolve becomes so important because that R stands for resilience. I'm not avoiding difficulty, I'm not pretending difficulty doesn't hurt, but I am developing the capacity to keep moving through the difficulties, the pain, the pushback, and by doing so, I'm being resilient. Think about the seven behaviors of resolve. I've talked about them before, beginning, of course, with the definition of resolve, which is one having a definite firm plan of action. R resilience gives us the courage to begin again, to return and try again, and to get up and keep going forward. Engagement gets us involved with people and with life. That's the first of two E's. The letter S service moves our attention beyond just our own personal selves and our personal self interest. The letter O, organization, allows us. Us to build structure in those intentions and live them out as best practices on a day-by-day basis. L, learning keeps our minds growing. And you thirst and hunger for knowledge. And learning is life-giving and life-sustaining. The for vision, vision gives us something ahead worth moving towards. We need a definite end in mind when we talk about a definite firm plan of action. And enthusiasm is what puts the electricity back into the journey. And enthusiasm is not meant to be expressed solely for oneself, it's to be experienced with others, both the like-minded and maybe the not so like-minded. None of those behaviors work particularly well when you're hiding. No, resolve requires us to engage and participate in the act of living. And participation requires that we be present in all things, and not simply in our physical presence, but our personal presence, the who we really are present. Us, authentic us. The willingness to say, here I am, this is what I believe, this is what I've learned, this is what I can contribute, this is what excites me, and this is where I am going next in my continuing journey. There's another reason why I believe that visibility in this life matters, and that you need to be out there in full-on presence to be seen. There are others who may need to see you. And think about that. Someone who is struggling may need to see the very person who has struggled and yet has found a way to continue. Someone grieving may need to meet somebody who actually understands their grief. Someone questioning whether their best years are behind them may need to encounter someone who refuses to live according to the very assumption that the best is behind us. Someone afraid to start again may need evidence that starting again is possible. And you don't have to preach to them. Who in the world says you can fix anything? It's not what it's about. You simply have to be visible, present, there in the moment when they need it. Not there to tell them how to live, there to let them know I get it and I'm going to stand beside you and do what I can to help you through it. Sometimes the greatest encouragement we give another person is a life that we are willing to live in front of them. And your comeback from the devastation and the shattering grief that you're going through may quietly give someone else permission to begin their life. Not over again, but to resume it, understanding there's more life to be lived. Here's my question for you this week. Where have you been making yourself seem smaller? I'm gonna ask it again. Where have you where have you been making yourself smaller? Well, think about that carefully. Where have you been holding back? Where have you been where you've begun to stop participating, you've stepped off of the field and moved to the sidelines? Where have you convinced yourself that any contribution that you might possibly be able to give really isn't needed at all? Boy. That's a little uh negative in thinking, don't you believe me? Where have you convinced yourself that your contribution is not needed? Where have you been waiting for someone to give you permission to re-enter your own life? No, I want to stop right there. There are people who don't build you up. They don't see you for what you can do. They see you as broken and incapable. So they cast you to the side and they tell you, just curl up and die. Here's another thing. You may be the person doing that kind of conversation. That may be your very self-talk. What good am I? What meaningfulness do I have? What purpose do I have to live? Come on, tell me what in the world I can do that's gonna make any difference whatsoever. Stop it, please. Here's the challenge. Do one thing that makes you a little more visible. Okay, not in the mirror, not in the presence of the room in front of my kitty cats, not even in front of your own immediate family that you see on a fairly regular basis. No, I'm talking about a little more visible to the people that you still have a reason to be tasked to serve and to work with and to enjoy the experience of being with. So speak. Call someone, attend something, create something, volunteer to do something, introduce yourself to someone or something, share an idea, tell someone what you're working towards achieving. When questions are asked or volunteers are sought, raise your hand, step up, step forward. That's intentional. It's not dramatic. It doesn't need to be, that's not required. Just take one deliberate step out of the shadows. My friends, if you've experienced loss, disappointment, rejection, severe even terminal illness, retirement, loneliness, maybe you feel you're a failure, or any other type of event that has caused your world to become smaller. I want to leave you with a thought. You are allowed to become fully alive again. Hear me. You're allowed to meet and make new friends. You're allowed to make changes that are best for you and you think are best for the people that matter in your life. You're allowed to surprise yourself, you're allowed to treat yourself from time to time. You're allowed to want to seek and to be something more than you currently are. You're allowed to walk into a room and bring the entire you with you. Show up completely you. You're allowed to be seen, not as a person you once were, not as a person other people expect you to be. No, no, no. Show up as the person that you are becoming. Because, as I've said before, you're still alive. You're still here. What are you going to do about it? As we move through the sixth and final month of our special resolved and live forward series, I want us to begin turning our attention more towards something that's very important. Not simply what we've survived, but what we're going to do with the life that remains in front of us. And there is still another chapter to be written in our lives. There are still conversations that are waiting to happen, people who are waiting to meet you because of who you are, ideas waiting to be explored and tried and challenged, places that are waiting to be experienced by you, acts of service waiting for performance from what only you can give, and perhaps even parts of yourself waiting to be discovered that you didn't know you had it in you. So don't disappear. Please don't make yourself smaller. Don't recede, don't fade away, don't cower. Please don't, don't, don't curl up into that fetal position. Don't assume that your time on this earth has passed, your moment is here and gone. Step forward. Bring your experience, bring your scars, bring your wisdom and knowledge. Bring a sense of curiosity, a playful curiosity, a child-like awe of curiosity. And bring your enthusiasm. Bring your whole imperfect, unfinished, still growing self. I don't care if you're 76 like I am. What business do you have sitting there feeling sorry for yourself? And I can ask myself the same question. And I'm not being ugly. Allow yourself to be seen again for who you really, really are. Here's a quote. Sometimes the greatest encouragement we give another person is the life we're living live in front of them. I'll say that again. Sometimes the greatest encouragement we give another person is the life that we're living live, right in front of. That's an amazing phrase. Well, I'm out of time. Hi, everybody. I'm John Morrow. Thank you for spending time with me today on the podcast Resolve to Live Forward. And that podcast is available through the hosting platform of BuzzSprout. I have a YouTube version of it that I upload to my YouTube channel, which is, of course, Resolve to Live Forward. Uh, through BuzzSprout, uh, this podcast is published in audio form across Spotify as well as the Apple Store, plus multiple other podcast platforms as well. Thank you for spending time with me today. And until next time, let me just close with this. First of all, don't stop learning. Keep at it. Keep learning. As a matter of fact, learn something. Strive to do at least one new thing today that you have learned. Keep engaging. Take every opportunity you can. Keep serving people. Service is not about what you get out of it, it's what you give without expectation of receiving a single thing. Keep becoming who you are meant to become. And whatever life has taken from you, never surrender what life still has waiting for you and available to you out there and is wanting to give it to you. And above everything else, no matter what, as I always say as I come to the end of this podcast, please, please, always resolve, resolve to live forward. Until this time next week, this is John Morrow saying thank you. Have a fantastic day. And by the grace of God, I look forward to being with you again. Bye bye for now.