Beyond the Performance: When Your Past Follows Like Grandma's Perfume

I disappeared for a minute not because I was lost, but because I was building in silence.

After ten years of nonstop travel, always being camera-ready, chaos, & putting on a show I finally hit pause button. 

Just for a second.

In this solo comeback episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on:

• Why I walked away from a version of myself the internet was obsessed with
• What burnout really looks like when no one’s watching
• The truth about healing in private… and why it’s kind of the sexiest thing I’ve ever done
• & more

This episode is about owning my story and respecting both my past and future as an entertainer.

 Whether you’re a man trying to get your edge back, or a woman redefining her entire story… this one's for you.

www.bridgettebmedia.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Aw, did you miss me? Welcome back to the Dirty Blonde Podcast. This is your girl, Bridget P. And if you're new here, hi, I'm your quietly chaotic, hopefully emotionally intelligent voice in podcast form. And if you've been here before, thanks for waiting. I needed a moment to or a whole year. This episode is called the in-between era. The part that no one really glamorizes. The time after the hustle, but before the next chapter. And if you're in it like I am, you're in good company. Stick around. So let's start here. I've spent the last decade working. Building, traveling, not just in a hop on a plane kind of way, but emotionally as well. I've changed cities, platforms, partners, and most of all, perspective. And if I'm honest, I never really stopped to look at life. I never really stopped to look at the life I was building because I was in it. Head down, grind mode. Let me tell you something I've never said publicly. There was a night about a year ago when I was sitting on the floor of my old apartment in Los Angeles. No makeup, no glam, just me, a candle for sure, or two or three, and Charlotte, my multi-poo, who's sleeping on my lap as we speak. And I'm sure you've met her if you've been on my TikTok lives. I'd finished my last contract and I was walking away from a relationship that just didn't see the woman I was becoming. And for the first time in over a decade, I didn't know what was coming next. And it terrified me. Because I've spent the last 10 plus years building, flying city to city, managing businesses, doing photo shoots, press, podcast episodes, platforms. I wasn't just surviving. Oh, no, I was trying to succeed. And I didn't even realize it was happening because I was moving so fast. And yeah, you know, I mean, I looked good doing it, but looking good and just feeling grounded to very different worlds. That night on the floor, I had this odd realization. Everything that I've done until now wasn't a waste. It was training me, literally training me. I wasn't falling off. I was falling into something new. And this podcast is part of that fall, part of that rebuild. And maybe it can be a part of yours too. We live in a time where everyone's obsessed with the finish line. What are you working on? What's next? What's the goal? When are you getting married? Where's your baby? What house are you going to get in? Where? What? Who? What? What are you doing tomorrow? What about this part? The moments when I was in my car driving down the 405 in two-hour traffic, getting on set, doing my job, and then coming home. I have no regrets. But at some point, it kind of has to end. Now, don't get me wrong. People can film until they're 90 years old. Do you? That's your prerogative. And I would have been in that scenario if it wasn't for the sex. If it was just normal mainstream acting, which is where I'm at now, I could do that. And I will be doing this until the last days because it's what I do. I'm an entertainer, but I had to figure out different ways to entertain. Most importantly, you listening right now has been the source of my nerves growing. Are they going to like me? I have been terrified to share any more than just tits and ass because how are you going to judge me? Do you even want to hear anything? Do you even care? Probably not. But there is no way that I could go on and share more of myself with you, my listener, without sharing this side of me. And it's ironic because I've been in adult entertainment, yet I feel that Right now, at this very moment, and moving forward, is the most intimate, raw, and real that you've ever gotten from me as a performer. Because I'm not performing. We're working our way backwards. Because there's a whole new generation of females that, at some point, when it's their time to make that decision, quote unquote, moving on, that there's someone in their corner that understands them. And I can leave... a legacy of episodes that they can listen to and know that, okay, yeah, I can do this. It'll be hard. It'll be very hard, but you can do it. And as most of the demographic could be male, you guys have your own fucking set of problems. I couldn't imagine what you have to go through as a man when the world tells you that you have to provide, you have to work hard, look down, mind your business. Which is why I always say that adult entertainment is not something to be judged either for doing or for enjoying. Because very much a parasocial relationship develops between entertainers and the fan base. Because it is so intimate. But then it stops. So many of these performers throughout the years and the golden age of adult, etc. We don't know where they're at. This is about... The first time that I've seen, and it's me doing it, where the veil can be removed and we can honor the past. We can respect the past. I had a great time, but now we move on and we can evolve and be entertained in other ways. There was a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that found people who take intentional rest, rest gaps, meaning spaces, without chasing something, without goal chasing, actually experience more long-term success than those who never stop to take a breath. Why? Because rest helps integrate and meld everything that you've learned. It was put to me simply with, you can't weaponize your wisdom if you never take time to sharpen it. I was like, that's brilliant. If you've been grinding nonstop, have you slowed down long enough to ask, who am I? Without all the bullshit, that is where this in-between season of the dirty blonde is all about. Sexy will always have currency, but sometimes sexy is a scam. And I say that as someone who studied the market. from the inside. And the crazy part, even when I tried to leave it behind, tone it down, soften up, play it small, follows me like that perfume that maybe your grandma wore during Christmas, that when she gave you a kiss on the cheek, you got home, took a shower, it was still on you. That's how fucking sexiness follows me. I've learned how to build an audience, how to communicate, how to create, distribute, market emotion. It's branding. I have been And so for anyone who's sitting in their own little in-between era, maybe post-breakup, post-career, or just fucking post-burnout, here's what I want you to hear. You are not behind. You are just absorbing. And sometimes the silence is what really helps you realize that you've had it all along. You've had it. It's been in you. And nothing's been scarier. then that little voice in my head, are they going to like me? And yes, I am very well aware and very socially aware that you can't walk around concerned about everyone's opinion about you, especially within the industry that I come from. However, during the growth, during the year, past where I've been deciding and figuring things out and where I'm at at the moment and where I know so many other girls are going to be in, where I know so many other performers are and just haven't had the ability to voice what they feel because we've been trained to not feel. We've been trained as performers that all we're good for is for tits and ass, bend over, and that is it. It is prevalent. It is obvious. It is always in the forefront of our lives, of our comments, of our DMs, where no matter what we do, no matter what we say, there's always the underlying comments, the underlying tone of, why are you talking? Why are you writing a quote? God forbid. God forbid we put a thirst trap picture, which as females, we like doing that. Yes, we feel good. If one more person says that all these pictures are to validate and to be validated by men, society, et cetera. No, we truly just think that we look good and we're posting a picture. At least that's just me. And I know so many other girls are because we talk about it all the time. And it's just like, you can't put a picture, a pretty picture, and then put something significant as a caption or as a quote, because God forbid, God forbid, the comments go off. They go off. And I can't stand not having the ability to control my own narrative on my own Instagram. It is a common theme everywhere. for performers to not want to express who they really are for fear of being judged and being told once and over and again what we are quote unquote good for. Once I stopped caring on what people thought of me in a different aspect, aka aside from the Bridget B personality, the dominating personality, MILF on camera, which is completely the different side of me. It's not who I am on a daily basis. I'm a lot softer, a lot more feminine, but I wasn't able to express that on the adult side because I knew that wasn't my moneymaker. I knew that as a character, Bridget B., and if you have gone through the Dirty Bond podcast, I talk about the evolution and the creation of a character, which is feel free to go ahead and binge listen if you'd like. It has been such a joy for me to breathe, take some time and just be myself, which is where I'm at now. And the moments that I've been entertaining throughout the last year, year and a half has really been me just trying to figure out where I belong until I just realized that not that long ago, which is why I'm back, which is why the podcast is back, I wanted to make sure that you as my listener, you as a potential fan, or you as someone who's never heard of me before, gets this honest, truthful, and real perspective from my own voice that is not being kept behind a paywall of adult because this is my own platform. And for that, I am so grateful. I'm so grateful for the evolution that we are experiencing in entertainment where we can entertain as I am right now or on TikTok or doing a YouTube. The ownership that we possess has never been witnessed before, but it also lends to different situations that will come up because of the influx, the over influx of hyper-sexualized females and males because of the access available through OnlyFans, through Instagram, through thirst traps, what have you, because it's everything at your fingertips. I, as a performer, come from a different era of went in, filmed on set, you went home wasn't at all as prevalent as it is now, which is great. I think it's fantastic. It adds such, when it's respectful and when it's truly enjoyed by a sound mind, I think it's great. It's no one's business how anyone over the age of 21 wants to be entertained. But I digress. I always, it boils my Ovaltine. when that topic comes up in a conversation. But anyhow, I'm like, we don't live in a federal dictatorship in Cuba in 1950s, for fuck's sake. Whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own home, as long as you're not harming anyone, I could care less. It's none of my business. However, you do understand that you live in a functioning society. One lives in a functioning society filled with all different ideals, filled with moral compasses that are extreme and that are vast and that are so different. And in order to succeed in society, you kind of have to play by the game of society. Depending on what side of TikTok you're on, you're going to get completely different point of views. The algorithms and the way social media has made us so divided, so divided, is insane. And frankly, terrifying. Because going back to how I've mentioned, and I've said it so many times on this podcast before, Thank you so much. much like it's there in any industry. However, I've been very fortunate and I've been very lucky and I've been very grateful for my complete career path that has evolved and continues to evolve. And that's not just because of me, but it's because of you. When I decided that it was time to evolve, it was when I noticed that the camaraderie, the, um, The culture was just changing and that's what happens. It just happens. And I needed to make a decision. What did I want to do? What do I want to do? So taking this time off of the podcast and just sort of really honing in on how I feel was because I wanted to come in with honesty and truthfulness, especially because I The dynamics that are about to change within the next couple of years is so vast between male and female because as Pearl, a podcaster, has mentioned not too long ago, just a couple of days ago, 1.6, 1.7 million people are in on OnlyFans. And I was like, wow, that's a lot. And I get it. It's ownership. It's ownership. just a different form of entertainment. And it pisses me off and it makes me so annoyed that still you can't make everyone happy. I have been the first one to vouch and say on the top of my lungs, sex, adult industry belongs behind a paywall. For the most part in a functioning society, it should be common knowledge that if your 13, 14, even 15 year old is getting a hold of images, et cetera. Either you talk to them about it or don't let them have the access. So with that said, this platform gets built. It's a paywall. You have to be verified. All the things, all the jazz, great, perfect as it should be. And yet people are still pressed. People are still angry. Why?

UNKNOWN: 18:39

I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

And the new way of kind of jabbing someone is saying, well, at least I'm not on OnlyFans. As if that's an insult. But I come with baggage. I have a 10-plus career. Of course I'm going to have ownership. of my own content. And it's allowed me to evolve. It's allowed me to take a step back because once I stopped filming on camera, why was I going to go cold turkey? It would make absolutely no sense. I'm not Mother Teresa. I am not of the cloth. I am God-fearing, but I'm not preaching. to anyone. I'm the last person that can preach. It's a wrap for me. I've done it. And taking ownership of my own content has been absolutely lovely because I already have decade worth of google.com. I will never be able to escape it. So when people tell me now, what advice do I have? for the younger generation of women in the industry. I go, there is no industry. It's the wild, wild west. Your local pharmacist could be on OF because that's considered the new adult industry, the new porn. And the dynamics is going to change in the grow out of it and everyone has access to it. Because what happened to me in my past is that the industry was so contained. It was in LA. I filmed there and then I went home. There wasn't any of this digital footprint, barely had Instagram. And now within the last five years, forget it. You could see everything. You know what everyone's doing in real time because now people are showing behind the scenes in real time. I look at that. I'm like, what? What? On social media? Who knows who's watching? The reason that I was okay with any of it back then was because it was contained. I can't walk around walking. and tell anybody, okay guys, so I stopped physically filming almost two years ago, so stop watching now because I'm no longer a porn star. Nope, can't do that. Once it's on the internet, it's there for the rest of your life. And that's exactly what you sign up for. So now with the influx and the hyper-sexualization of porn, girls that aren't even considering taking any other avenue because it's so easy. It's at their fingertips. They can just film at home. But when I was in the industry, I had to physically get on set. I physically had a script. I had to get in hair and makeup. I had a brand. I made my brand. I powerful and strong for a reason because I wanted to represent that side of me on camera because I already knew I was going to get judged. I already knew I was going to have issues and things like the consequences that come with being in adult entertainment. And I knew that if I didn't give myself a mask and it could potentially swallow me whole. Swallow me whole, no pun intended. I didn't let it. I have thick skin, I developed it, and it allowed me to grow within the industry as best as I could. So now in this in-between era, especially during the last year, before I came on here and came back, I wanted to make sure that I felt I wanted to make sure that what I was about to speak on was from experience, and I only could give you this perspective by getting out of it. And I hope that as this develops and my own digital footprint evolves, I can get into someone's head and And give any advice I can. And also with you as a listener who's probably seen me in the last 10 years, to understand as an involvement of a female, it does happen. A woman will change her mind. We will evolve. We will transform. You will evolve. You will transform. And putting someone in a box just because of what they've done is not fair. But it's society. I'm ready to be seen in a different light, but understanding that functioning society will never forget, will never let me forget. There's no set destination right now. Oh, no, no, no. My ducks are not in a row. I repeat, my ducks are not in In a row. In fact, one of those little motherfuckers is at a rave. Dancing his little ass off. Not in line with the rest of the ducks. But I can tell you this. I've been quietly working on so many things which I can't wait to share. Let's just say if good girl energy could be bottled, she'd be the one to rewrite the rule book. But more on that soon. This is the Dirty Blonde Podcast, the Bridget Unfiltered Era. And whether you're glowing up, slowing down, or figuring it all in real time, you are not alone. It has been so nice to be back on the mic, and I will see you next episode.