Forgiveness

Forgiving the hard thing - it seems impossible.  But there is power in forgiveness - more power than we realize. Let's talk about forgiving the really painful things and letting them go so we can live a healthy and whole life.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I'm using that word rebuild specifically because we're designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life.

So if that's you, if you feel like you're having to rebuild your life, at first, I just wanna say, I'm so sorry. I know how itchy that is. I know how painful that is.

And I'm sorry you're at the place where it feels like you're just kind of starting over and rebuilding. But I'm here to tell you, it gets so much better. There is so much beauty and joy on the other side of this valley.

I promise you, you're not alone. You're actually, you're in the right place. So welcome, I'm really, really glad you're here.

So let's get down to today's episode. Today, we're going to talk about something that falls under our spiritual health category. If you'll remember in the beginning, I said there were five areas that I focused on when I rebuild my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. So today, we're going to talk about spiritual health. And I'm going to be very upfront with you.

This one's not easy. I've put this one off for a while. This one is forgiveness.

And we're going to talk about forgiven, maybe even the big thing, the thing that you are really struggling with letting go.

You don't reach the point where you feel like you're starting over in the middle of your life and not have something, someone to forgive. Forgiveness is tough. I was always raised to forgive.

Forgiveness was a piece of my faith, and I knew that. But when I was faced with something breathtakingly painful, like take your breath away, I didn't know what forgiveness looked like for that, like the reality, like how do I walk out forgiveness?

This hurts so bad. I know I'm supposed to forgive. But what does it look like?

What's the reality of this? Because I'm just reeling from the pain, and I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't feel it, and help me. So I went on a journey about forgiveness, and I want to talk about some of the lessons I learned today.

And I'm going to try to do it as gently as possible, because I hold a lot of space and respect for the pain that you're going through.

You don't get to where you feel like you're starting over, you're rebuilding without some pain, some significant painful event. So I hold space and respect for that. I have great empathy for that.

I've been there. So with as much gentleness and tenderness as I know how to muster, we're going to tackle the juggernaut that is forgiveness. Okay?

So we know that we're supposed to forgive. That's a tenet of the Christian faith. We know that.

But let's dig a little deeper. Okay? So the first scripture that I want to talk about, when it comes to forgiveness, is John chapter 20, verse 23.

And it's Jesus. These are red letters. Jesus says, if you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven.

If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. So this first scripture tells us a major, major thing, major. We don't talk about forgiveness a ton.

We know we're supposed to do it. But what I've come to believe and realize is that forgiveness is a major, major tool in our arsenal as Christians. Okay, this is big.

Jesus said that what we forgive will be forgiven. We have the power to forgive, and that is no small thing. We treat it like it's something passing.

And if we do, it's like we're given a gift to somebody else, and they've hurt us, so we're not going to give them that gift. We have dumbed down forgiveness to this weird, emotional contract. And it is so much more than that.

It is powerful. It is a sword that you can wield, and it is beautiful, okay? So Jesus says, if you forgive them their sins, they're forgiven.

If you don't forgive them, they're not. So we have the power to forgive. All right, so why is forgiveness so powerful?

Well, I don't have all of them written down, but how many times did Jesus heal someone and say, your sins are forgiven? Take up your mat and walk.

Like when the man was lowered through the roof, his friends brought him to Jesus, and they had to tear out a hole in the roof and lower him down before Jesus, so Jesus could heal him. Jesus said, your sins are forgiven. Take up your mat and walk.

There are countless stories. Jesus didn't always say that, but it was so common for him to say, your sins are forgiven. Get up and walk.

What kind of power is there in forgiveness that we are not zoning in on? You know, how much power is in forgiveness? And we say, well, Jesus did that.

Jesus had the power to forgive because he was the son of man. But we also see in John, where I just read, John chapter 20, if you forgive their sins, they're forgiven. If you don't forgive, they're not forgiven.

So forgiveness holds his power. Jesus used those words. Your sins are forgiven.

When he healed people, like it was a piece of the puzzle, forgiveness matters. It's weighty, and it's not just reserved for Jesus, the son of God. He's given us his power.

We have the power to forgive. And I can't say that I fully understand it. I can't say that I get the totality of it.

I just am here to tell you, it's bigger than we realize. It's bigger than we give it credit for. Not enough people are talking about this.

Not enough is being said about this. Forgiveness matters. It has the power to heal, to perform miracles.

And Jesus said, you have the power. What you forgive is forgiven. What you don't forgive is not forgiven.

We have that power. Okay, okay, okay, I'm tracking with you. Pretty good, pretty good.

But you said, Tiffany, that we were going to talk about forgiven, like the big thing, one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. And if I have the power to forgive or not forgive, I choose no. I get that.

I get saying, You know what? I don't feel, if I have the power to not forgive, and their sins are not forgiven, maybe that's the one I choose, because this was a big deal, and this hurt. And that's fair.

It's fair to feel that way. But let's keep going, okay? I want to go to Matthew.

And there are two separate things in Matthew. They're back to back. They follow each other in scripture.

We don't teach them together. They're taught two separate things. But I believe the first is related to the second, even though we don't teach them that way.

And the first thing, in Matthew 18, chapter 18, it says, what you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and what you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

And if you have any type of Pentecostal background, but there's a lot of, I heard this terminology when I was growing up in religious circles about binding and loosing, and I didn't fully understand it.

Never once was it related to forgiveness for me. But I was familiar, like, I could say this, and then in heaven it did that, maybe, but that didn't work out for me. It was sort of confusing, but it sounds really cool.

Okay, but right after that, Jesus gives a parable. And the parable is of the unmerciful servant, which the point is forgiveness. So in Matthew 18, verse 21 through 35, I'm not going to read all that.

It's a long scripture, but it's the parable of the servant. So the servant was in jail. He owed his master a lot of money, and just for the sake of whatever, we're going to say it was $100,000.

He owed $100,000. And he pled his case before his master, and his master forgave him this huge debt, right? And it was a big deal, like, wow, what a great master.

He forgave him $100,000. That's massive. But what does the servant do?

The servant goes on, and before long, somebody owes him $100, and he goes crazy. He beats the guy up. He puts him in jail.

And the master hears about the story, what the servant has done. It gets brought to his attention, and he brings the servant back in front of him, and he's like, how could you do this? I forgave you $100,000.

How could you not forgive your fellow servant $100,000? And the moral of the story at the end of the parable, it's kind of like the same measure that you use for others will be used for you.

So as much as I forgive somebody else, if I can't forgive them $100,000, $100,000 isn't going to be forgiven of me, right? If I forgive big, I will be forgiven big. If I forgive little, I will be forgiven little.

Okay. I can't help but think of what I've been forgiven. I feel like I've lived a pretty good life.

Most people who know me might even say I was a goody two-shoes. I didn't mean to be, but I was just more comfortable not breaking the rules.

And yet, and yet, I have messed up, I've made mistakes, I've said wrong things, I've done wrong things, consciously and unconsciously, I've hurt people. And the Bible tells me that the cost of the sins that I have committed is death.

The sins that I have committed, the wages of sin is death. And Jesus paid that price for me, so I didn't have to pay it. Jesus hung on the cross, he shed his blood to cover my sin, just me.

If I were the only one on planet Earth, he would have done that for me, because I needed it. I needed forgiveness. Because the weight and the wages of my sin was death.

And I think of the things that were done to me. I think of how horrible it felt to be cheated on, and the tears that I cried over that. But the weight of that isn't death.

Of all the things that have been done wrong to me, the wages of, the worst of the worst is not death. Nothing is somebody need to die for, for what they did to me.

And if Christ could forgive me, when the weight and the cost of my sin was death, I can forgive somebody else when the cost is the equivalent of a hundred bucks.

When I have forgiven a weight so heavy that the cost would have been my life, and somebody else just really hurt my feelings super bad, I can forgive them.

And if the measure that's used on me is a measure I've used for others, I want that to be a good measure. I want to forgive well so that I will be forgiven well. I don't want to just forgive a little bit.

I want to forgive everything, because I want everything to be forgiven of me. So this is what I think. If John chapter 20 says, if you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven.

If you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven. And then we go to Matthew 18, we have the same cadence, the same balance of words where it says, what you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, what you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

And it directly after the thing in Matthew, we talk about forgiveness. So I believe what we're talking about in Matthew 18, verse 18, is forgiveness. What you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, what you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

If you forgive anyone's sins, they are forgiven. If you don't forgive them, they are not forgiven. So the conclusion I come is what I forgive on earth is forgiven in heaven.

That forgiveness has weight. And when Jesus forgives somebody's sins, like they have miracles happen in their life. They're able to get up and walk when they were unable to walk.

So forgiveness carries weight. We have that power, because John 20, 23 tells us that we have the power to forgive. And what we forgive here on this earth, the sin that was committed against us, is forgiven in heaven.

And that's a different type of forgiveness than maybe was talked about when I was a kid. I probably grew up hearing things more like, well, I forgive you, but God, God's gonna take care of that. God's gonna hold you accountable for that.

I don't know if you heard those types of statements, but I did. And when I searched the scripture myself, that's not what forgiveness looks like to me. Forgiveness says, I forgive you on earth.

You were forgiven in heaven. That means that God isn't gonna get you. It's been erased from the heavenly roles.

So, example, if you believe that at the end of your days, you have to stand accountable to God for everything you've done, well, when that person stands in front of God, when my ex-husband stands in front of God, he's gonna read things off.

But anything he did to me will not be there. He will not have to stand for any of the things he did for me. They are erased.

I forgave it on earth, so it is forgiven in heaven. That's a total and complete forgiveness. That means I'm not waiting for some type of retaliation, some retribution, hellfire and brimstone is gonna come to get you.

I believe that God gave me the power to forgive, and so I release that forgiveness. And I don't just believe that I've forgiven you here on earth. I believe that it is erased from the roles of heaven.

If I do it on earth, it affects heaven. Through the blood of Jesus, I have that power. I have the power to forgive.

And not only here on earth, but in heaven. That just blows my mind, that Jesus gave us that power. And it's hard to let go of something that hurt you so bad.

Like the worst pain I've ever felt. And I've been through some pretty major physical pain. I mean, I was in an auto accident.

I've had some pretty hardcore physical pain. But the emotional pain, always, 100 times worse. The emotional pain of betrayal, the emotional pain of not being loved, of not being chosen, of not being wanted.

Like that just takes your breath away. Like it just, oh, when you trust somebody, and it's not reciprocated, and when you love somebody, and it's not reciprocated, that is hard, right?

And then to turn around and say, well, I forgive that, that's a challenge. I'm not gonna lie. And to make it such a total forgiveness that you're not even saying, but God will get you.

You'll stand before God one day, and he will remind you of what you did to me, and you'll have to answer for it. No, I even take that off the table. I believe that what I forgive on earth is forgiven in heaven.

That makes forgiveness a little bit tougher, right? But if the measure we use on others is used against us, if it's tough, then that means I'll have a good measure used against me, right? And I need a good measure used against me.

I need all the forgiveness, all the forgiveness I can get. So I'm going to choose the tough thing. And this is the beauty of it.

You reap rewards on earth and reap rewards in heaven. So when you have an offense, it's like a cancer, and you've got to cut it out. So the sword of forgiveness comes along, and you say, I want to forgive them.

They mess me up. They hurt me. I'm going to cut that cancer out.

And the sword of forgiveness can do that, and it's beautiful, and it's a tough decision to make. And if you make that decision, I applaud you. But forgiveness doesn't happen in a moment.

Forgiveness is a journey. And so what's going to happen is, you're going to say, all right, oh, I take all my courage, all my faith. Oh, I'm ready.

I'm going to make this sleep. I choose to forgive. I'm going to let that go.

And that is a hard decision to come to. So once again, I just applaud you if you've made that good job. But the reality is, two days later, your mind is going to remind you.

Do you remember when they said this? Do you remember when they lied to you and you looked like a fool? Oh my God, do you remember how bad that felt?

Your mind is going to bring up more things. Forgiveness is a journey. And every time your mind reminds you of something, an offense, you've got to pull out the sword of forgiveness and cut that cancer out.

It's going to keep on growing back, growing back, growing back. You've got to cut it out, cut it out, cut it out. And it's hard.

It's so hard. Because I think it's human nature. When we remember something that happened to us that was wrong, we just want to ruminate on it.

And we want to remember that was right. They did do us wrong. And we want to tell somebody else, I remember that this person did that to me, and that, can you believe that?

But that's not what forgiveness does. Forgiveness cuts that out. And the reason why I say there are earthly benefits and heavenly benefits to forgiveness is when you forgive on earth, you get the benefit of letting it go.

Unforgiveness, offense, resentment, those are all poison. And when you ruminate on them, you're just sitting in poison. And forgiveness gets rid of the poison.

When you can forgive, when you can truly look at the person who wronged you so bad, who caused you the ultimate pain, and not resent them, not feel bitterness towards them, that is healing, that is growth.

That frees you to live a healthy and whole life.

And I can tell you, I'll be real with you, you can focus on your financial health, and you can focus on your physical health, and growth, and goals, but if you can't get forgiveness down, you will always feel stuck.

They say time heals all wounds, but that is not true. As long as you live in unforgiveness, that wound, you're keeping it raw and open. The way to get past it is you got to forgive it.

I know people who live in the past. The things that have been done to them and against them are part of their identity now. That's how they identify by the trauma, the wounds, the negative things that have happened to them.

And I know because I was one of them, and thankfully it was only a season. Thankfully, I was able to get out of that. And it was forgiveness that was able to pull me out of that pit of just resentment and anger.

And letting that go frees you to a healthy and whole life. I mean 110%. You can't live the life that you're meant to live in that wholeness that you're meant to live.

If you're holding on to resentment, you can't hold growth and unforgiveness in the same hands. They're the opposite of each other.

Growth, newness, freshness, a new life, an amazing life that you're working on, building, cannot be held in the same space as resentment and bitterness and unforgiveness. They're the opposites of each other.

You have to let it go for your life here on earth, for this life, for this momentary thing that we're living here. There are beautiful results to forgiveness here on earth.

And then when you get to the eternal results and the consequences in eternity, that that measure will be used on you, thank God I need that measure you don't use on me. I need a full measure of forgiveness.

And these other people, your fellow man, who did you wrong for the equivalent of a hundred bucks. You forgive them, and then they are forgiven before the king of kings and lord of lords. That has been erased from their role.

Who has the power to forgive? Like, Jesus, the lame walked. Wouldn't you forgive somebody for something so egregious?

What is released in the heavenly realms that I don't understand? I don't know. I'm asking the question without an answer.

But I know that when Jesus spoke the words, you're forgiven, miracles happened. And then he said, you have the power to forgive. What you forgive will be forgiven.

And when I forgive, things happen in heavenly places. It is a powerful tool. It is important for me to cut the cancer out of me, to let get rid of the poison that will kill me.

I don't need to hold on to unforgiveness. But what does it release for other people? I don't fully know.

I believe what I forgive on earth is forgiven in heaven. I believe that when my ex-husband stands before God, he will not be held accountable. I believe that.

But I believe all the people, anybody who has done me wrong, I try so hard to keep my list at zero. What is effected in heavenly places when we choose to forgive? If when Jesus did it, the lame walked, what happens when we do it?

As Christians, as believers who believe that there is power in it. I believe that it makes such a difference in our lives, and it's hard to let go of the things that we've been wronged. It's hard to say, I forgive.

I know how hard it is, and I know it's a journey, and you have to keep doing it again, and again, and again, because your mind will remind you over, and over, and over. It doesn't happen overnight.

It's so hard to pick up that sword when you remember, because sometimes that memory is so painful. It just guts you, and you just sit there in that memory like, oh, that was tough. I remember that.

And to pick up that sword yet again, no, what I forgive on earth is forgiven in heaven. I forgive this facet of my story, because there's so many, right?

When something so big has wrecked your life, when it's so massive to derail your future, there are hundreds and thousands of facets. And your mind will remind you of all of them. It will remind you of, well, think about this perspective.

Well, think about this. Have you seen it this way? And everyone, you have to forgive.

Every time you have to pull out that sword and cut that out, I forget that, I forget that, I forget that. And what you are left with is your own healing. This is for your mental health.

It's a spiritual thing for sure. But learning to let go and live a life of forgiveness is hard, but it's worth it. It's worth it.

In this life, we live on earth, and it's worth it in eternity. Forgiveness is powerful, and its effects are twofold. It is so amazing.

You have the power to affect heaven. Heaven will listen when you say, I forget. How amazing is that?

That you affect heavenly places. The scripture says, what you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. What you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

And it, I say, is talking about forgiveness. You have the power to forgive. It affects heaven.

It is challenging. I mean, it was one of the more challenging journeys that I faced. What happened was challenging.

And then facing the forgiveness journey was really, really hard. But without question, it's really worth it, a hundred percent. And this is something, to this day, I still have to work on.

I may have forgiven the big thing, but my mind will come up with weird things. I'll be lying in bed at night, and it'll present me with a reminder that ten years ago, so-and-so said such-and-such, and that really hurt my feelings.

I'll be like, that did? I can't believe they did that. That was crazy.

And in that moment, I have to choose to pull out my sword. Even if it's a little thing, yeah, it wasn't a big thing. It was a little thing.

It was somebody else. It was a stupid interaction. But I start remembering it and thinking on it.

And then it's like, no, I gotta forget that. Forgiveness matters to your eternal health and to your health right now, mentally, spiritually. This matters, letting go and living a whole and healthy life.

I really appreciate you joining me today. I know this is a hard one. I totally empathize with how hard this one is.

If you want to reach out and talk, sometimes talking something through and having somebody else here is helpful. You can find me online. I'm www.workingonamazing.com.

You can find me on social media. I'm on most of the social media platforms, but I do tend to hang out on Facebook the most.

So, Working on Amazing, if you just want to chat with your forgiveness journey, sometimes having somebody else here is helpful. I would be happy to do that for you. I know that it's hard.

I do. But I know that it's worth it. Thank you for joining me today.

I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.