Why You Need to Laugh

It's more important than you might realize to find a reason to laugh, to find a reason to smile, most especially when you are walking through a difficult time. Let's talk about ways you can laugh and smile during a darker season.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I am using that word rebuild specifically, because we're designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. I think starting over can look like a lot of different things.

For me, it was divorce after a 20 year marriage. For my sister, it was the unexpected death of her spouse. And for you, it might be something totally different.

I think the common denominator is when all your hopes, all your dreams, your vision for the future has totally gone up in smoke. Your day to day life looks totally different, and it really does. It feels like you're starting over.

If that's you, I truly am sorry. I know how overwhelming and horrible that feels. But I'm here to tell you, there is hope.

I'm here to tell you, it gets so much better. Your life can be rebuilt into something amazing and beautiful. It truly can.

You are not alone. You're actually in the right place. So welcome.

I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get down to today's episode. Today, we're going to talk about mental health.

So if you remember in the beginning, I said there were five areas I focused on when I rebuilt my life, my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals.

And I said, every episode would basically fall under one of those five categories, right? So today, we're going to talk about mental health, and we're going to talk about how important it is to find joy.

So to find a reason to laugh, to find a reason to smile, to look for those things in life. When you're walking through a really difficult season, it can become easy to spiral.

When you're in a dark season, the lens you view the world through, your perspective is negative. And that's okay. That is not a guilt trip or anything like that.

That's just the reality of where you are. But becoming aware of that reality means that you've got to be proactive, and you've got to be conscientious about finding some joy, some light to come in into your life.

And the responsibility is on us, because when we're in that really negative mindset, we don't see joy in the little things. We don't. And when life is going your way, and everything's clicking, you see joy in everything.

Look at that sunset. That's beautiful. Oh, look at that flower.

That's gorgeous. But when everything is going wrong, we don't see joy in the little things. We have to make a choice.

And that's what I'm going to encourage you to today. Okay? So this lesson, this concept, really solidified itself in my head several years ago.

And I'm going to tell you the story. So I just did the math. I just counted.

It's been 22 years. So 22 years ago, I was pregnant with my first born baby girl. And everything seemed to be okay.

I mean, like things were good. I went to the hospital. I had a pretty rough labor and delivery.

My blood pressure kept dropping, different things. I had my baby. They were like, it was suddenly like she was in distress, but then they told me she was okay.

And then they took her to give her a bath, and she went to the NICU. And if you're not aware of what the NICU is, that's the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. So it's like ICU for babies, I guess.

And she wasn't in the room with me. She wasn't whatever. And I was freaking out, like, is my baby okay?

And they couldn't really tell me exactly what was wrong in a way that I could understand it. They just said she needed to be there. It was blood sugar and all this other stuff.

So by the time I got discharged from the hospital, she was not ready to come home at all. Now, I will say, please, she is okay. She's very healthy, almost 22-year-old today.

But I didn't know what was going to happen then. So I got discharged from the hospital. She had to stay.

I stayed that night that they discharged me as long as I could. I was down there in the NICU holding her, trying, you know, I couldn't do anything but to be with her. But then we had to leave, visiting hours and all that.

We left, and I got home, and almost, even though it came from a beautiful place, to make matters worse for me, I was already struggling leaving the hospital without my baby.

So we drove up to the house, and her grandmother had decorated the house to the nines.

So a lot of times, you'll see, like, a pink bow on the door, or a pink bow on a mailbox, or a stork in the yard, something little like that, to let the neighbors know, or people know, like, this house has had a baby.

Okay, that makes this, like, it pales in comparison. I had a massive pink bow on my door, and it had flowers in it. It was not a bow that you go to the store by.

This was handmade, and it was massive, almost the width of the door, not quite, but almost. There was a pink bow, of course, on the mailbox, and it was big and overflowing, massive. And then we had a front porch that ran the length of the house.

So at every pillar on the porch, there was a big bow, and then there was a swag of garland of flowers and ribbon in between each pillar. I mean, the house shouted, these people have just had a baby, but my baby wasn't with me.

My baby was still at the hospital, and I just cried and cried and cried. And it was like my mind could not accept the fact that I left the hospital without my baby. And I know multiple women who have gone through this and way worse than me, okay?

So I'm not trying to say this is the worst experience. Just for me, my mind struggled to comprehend it. I hadn't been prepared for it.

I had no idea that we were gonna run into this issue, and I was so upset. I didn't know what was wrong with her. I didn't know for sure that she was gonna be okay.

I was so upset. So I get inside, and I'm getting ready for bed, and I'm trying to take my mind off things, because my mind is just racing, like a hamster on a wheel, right?

Like it will not stop with all the negative scenarios that could happen, and what ifs, and I'm just so upset. So I think if I can watch something, it will take my mind off of it.

So I'm clicking through, trying to find something to watch, and I'm aware that I can't watch a regular TV show.

I can't keep up with a story, like my mind and my emotions are so fractured at that moment, because I'm that upset, that I just can't keep up with a storyline, like it's not going to happen. So like most TV shows and movies are out, right?

So what I ended up watching was America's Funniest Home Videos, because you don't have to watch the previous episodes. You can just jump in the middle. It really doesn't matter.

And none of the segments are long. You don't have to follow any type of story. And I ended up belly laughing.

I mean, I kid you not. I laughed so hard at the stupid antics on that show. It was like, I don't know.

It was so funny to me. I hadn't watched America's Funniest Home Videos in a while. And just seeing the stupid things that people were doing, it made me laugh.

And when I turned the TV off and went to bed, my daughter was still in the NICU. I still didn't understand what was wrong or know that she was going to be okay.

But what I can tell you is that all that overwhelming emotional tension, it had been like a pressure valve release, just a little bit.

I still picked up all those same worries and fears, definitely not pretending that I didn't, but they were a little bit lighter. Like releasing that emotional tension really did like make a difference. It didn't make it better.

It didn't change my situation, but it did break the emotional tension, and I desperately needed that. We understand this concept in storytelling, right? Like we know characters are there for comic relief, right?

I mean, like you're aware of that in stories, and we know that when the emotional tension builds, sometimes it gets to a point that we just need to laugh a little bit. That's true in your life.

Right now, it could be that you're walking through a season that there has been so much emotional tension built, that you gotta have a little bit of relief, right? You just gotta break it just a little bit.

That's the way storytelling goes, and you're the writer of your own story. You've got to write in some comic relief. You've gotta put a little bit of a pressure valve relief.

It won't be there unless you choose for it to be there. When we're walking through a great time, it's so much easier to find the joy.

But right now, if you're in a dark season of transition and change, and it's overwhelming, and so many things have happened beyond your control, you have to choose. You have to be purposeful about looking for reasons to laugh. Okay?

Like, it's super, super important. I remember then when I started going through my divorce, I remembered how much laughter just kind of broke the tension for me. Just enough for me to catch my breath, emotionally speaking.

Like, just enough to ease up just a little bit. So, when I was going through my divorce, I tried to be conscious of looking for reasons to laugh. So, Netflix has a bunch of stand-up comedy specials.

There's all kinds, right? Like, they're the new Comedy Central, I guess. I found comics that I liked.

I would watch their special and laugh. Some of them weren't my cup of tea. Comedy is subjective.

But I would strongly encourage you, find something that you can laugh at. Look for reasons to laugh. Like, you are going to have to make the choice.

I'm going to have to find something funny. I've got to laugh. America's Funniest Home Videos.

There are some so, so, so, so funny YouTubers out there. Like, seriously, there's some YouTubers that are worth looking up. There are the comedy specials on Netflix.

Look for something to make yourself laugh. Find something silly. Look for a reason to laugh.

Just give yourself that pressure valve relief. Pressure has been building. Everything's negative and dark, and you've got to give yourself that pressure valve release, okay?

So I think it's really, really important to find reasons to laugh. But you can't always laugh. Not everything is like laugh out loud funny, right?

So, but let's look for multiple things. So smiling is good too. So what's another thing that's really easy to look for that is funny?

And those are memes. And memes can make you laugh out loud. Some of them are hilarious, and some of them just make you smile.

The internet is full of them. There are pages on social media dedicated to them. There are websites dedicated to them.

Find what makes you laugh. Is it cat memes? Animal memes?

Is it this? Is it that? I'm a big Lord of the Rings fan.

There are so many memes about Lord of the Rings, and it's so funny. So find your thing and look for them. I'm going to tell you, memes have a really, really special place in my heart.

So when I went through my divorce, I have a cousin that I'm close with, and I was like, you know, just talking about all these things with her, and she's like, I haven't been what you've been through. I just can't relate to that.

Like, I'm here for you, I support you, I love you, but I can't relate to that. What I can do, and what she did do, is she sent me a meme every day, because she was like, at least I can give you a reason to laugh. At least I can make you smile.

And let me tell you, when I was walking through that season of transition and change, the gift of laughter, the gift of a smile, was the most beautiful gift. It was beautiful because she didn't demand that I respond.

She didn't demand a conversation, any response, she just sent them over and over and over again, every day. And right there, I could look at my phone and smile. And to this day, my husband sends me memes, too, and it just makes me laugh.

I love them. Memes will always hold a very, very special place in my heart. So look for some memes, look for things to make you smile.

Subscribe to one of the places that put out memes, find them, join their page on social media, follow them. Make sure that when you're scrolling through your news feed, you have something to smile about and laugh at, okay?

So you might not have somebody in your life that's going to send them to you, but you can choose to look for them, right?

You can choose to look for that smile, you can choose to look for that laughter, you can seek out the memes, you are in control of yourself. And so find reasons to laugh.

What are some other things that you can do for smiling and just lifting your spirits up? Well, when I went through this season, I started collecting more knickknacks. And I tend to like a very clean surface.

I had always been like, my kids made fun of me. I didn't even want the toaster sitting out on the countertop, like put it in the cabinet. I wanted a clean surface.

So I wasn't a huge knickknack kind of person, but then when I went through this series of, the season of my divorce, I started collecting knickknacks.

So the first one I collected, and it's set on my desk, it still sits here today, is a statue of a seahorse. Why a seahorse? Because I have this memory for my childhood.

We would always go to the beach. We went to a beach called Sanibel Island. It was beautiful.

And my dad had a net, and he would throw his net out into the sea, and he would pull it back. And it felt like every time he pulled it back, there would be these treasures from the sea that we could look at.

It was so cool, because you didn't know what would be in there. And every time, it was a little bit different. And so he would let us look at all these treasures from the ocean before we released them and put them back, right?

So one day, he cast the net out, and he pulled it up, and there was a seahorse in the net. And so he had me come over. I was really little, and he had put my hand under the water, and he carefully put the seahorse on my finger.

And the seahorse wrapped his tail around my finger, and I just held it there under the water. And it was this like magical, idyllic memory from my childhood, like the most beautiful snapshot. And it was a seahorse, right?

So, when I see a seahorse, it just makes me smile. It's like I get a fraction of that memory just when I look at the seahorse. It just kind of pulls me back to that just beautiful, magical memory from my childhood.

So, when I was at TJ Maxx or Marshalls, I can't remember which, but one of those types of stores, I saw this statue of a seahorse, and I thought I need to remember to smile. So, I bought it, and I put it on my desk, and it's on my desk today.

Your thing might be something totally different than a seahorse, but what is your seahorse?

What can you put out on your desk, on your counter, in your bathroom, in your car, that when you look at, you're reminded of something beautiful, a beautiful memory, something from your childhood, something, I don't know what.

Maybe it's something your kid made in school. Maybe it's something from way back, like the seahorse. That's like early, early childhood for me.

Who, I don't know, but you've got to find those sayings that remind you of the good things in life, and you've got to surround yourself with them.

I have so many little things around my house and on my desk and even in my car to remind me of beauty and joy, and there are good things out there. And when you're going through a difficult season, you need to bombard yourself with it.

More so than in a regular season, because it's darker, right? And there's so much more negativity, and you've got to put little spots of light as many places as you can.

I also have, they're not really knickknacks, but I have a lot of things that have sayings on them, because that helps me keep my focus lifted up and reminds me of smile, to smile. Like, right now, where I'm sitting, I can see three sayings.

So I have one that says, there's always something to be thankful for. To remind me, there is something to be thankful for. What do you have to be thankful for today?

And that is a positive. And when I find what I have to be thankful for, I'm going to smile about it, because I am thankful for it. I have another one that just says, be amazing.

And I love the word amazing. I know that's a shocker, right? And it just makes me smile.

It's in gold, and I think it's beautiful. I have one that says, beautiful girl, you can do hard things. And it just reminds me, yes, I can.

And it's colorful. It's written in all these different colors. It reminds me of something positive.

So whether it's a weird knickknack, I have another knickknack sitting here. It's a rose gold colored, metallic Loch Ness Monster, Nessie. That's why I call her Nessie, because I love the Loch Ness Monster.

I love Nessie. And it's in rose gold. And her tail is curved up, so she's a phone holder.

It's the most ridiculous thing. I don't even know how I found it, but I did. And it makes me smile when I look at it.

Surround yourself with things that make you smile, whether they're quotes, whether they're sayings, whether they're silly objects like seahorses, and the Loch Ness Monster for crying out loud. Find points of light that you can surround yourself with.

I see that stupid Loch Ness Monster. I don't even know how I found that. And it just makes me smile.

And it's rose gold of all the things. It's rose gold. It's so ridiculous.

Find things like that to put in your life, that when you look at it, you smile and you think, that just makes me happy. Okay, find things. One other thing I will tell you to think about is scents are heavily tied to memory.

Okay, so is there a smell that you can layer in your house? So for me, I've said before, I love taking a bath, and I love Dr. Teal's bath salts.

So there is a scent of bath salts that is spearmint eucalyptus. Oh, my word, when I smell that scent, it feels like I'm in a spa. Without meaning to, just instinctively, I smile when I smell that scent.

Like, it is just, I inhale it, I relax. I think I've taken so many baths over the years, and that smell is just kind of ingrained and associated with relaxation to me. But what do you have?

Did you bake with your mom or your grandma as a kid? It's like that vanilla scent, something that just makes you feel warm and buzzy on the inside. What scent do you have that you can layer in your car and in your house and around your desk at work?

Think about that. Scent are so tied to memory. So what, when you smell it, do you remember something beautiful?

That's so, so, so important. Sounds, we can be in a place where we just want to hear that sad breakup song over and over. They are singing the lyrics of our feelings, and we identify, and we cry.

And I get that. I know there are some of that music that you just listen to it over and over and over. But sometimes we've got to turn on the music that makes you want to move.

When you hear that music, you can't sit still. You just kind of want to dance a little bit. Sometimes we've got to do that.

We've got to say, you know what? I'm turning up the happy music.

Find a way to be happy, whether you're watching something funny on TV, whether you're looking at memes, whether you surround yourself with knickknacks, whether you smell something, and it reminds you of something beautiful, whether you're listening

to great music, and try to do as many of those different things as possible. Be purposeful about joy. Be purposeful about finding a reason to laugh. Be purposeful about finding a reason to smile.

It matters. It's not going to change your situation. I know that.

But it's that pressure release. It helps keep you moving forward. You don't want to get stuck in a negative season.

And we know people who have. You can get stuck there.

And in finding reasons to laugh, and finding reasons for joy is one of the things, not the only thing, but it is something that is going to help keep you moving forward till you get to the other side, okay?

Find a reason to smile, and be purposeful and conchi-entious about it. Don't wait for it to come to you. You seek it out.

You say, this matters. I've got to find a reason to laugh today. I've got to find something to smile.

I've got to find a reason to feel good about something, okay? It matters. It's helping keep your head above the water when it feels like you're about to drown, okay?

It's going to just give you that little bit of buoy, that little bit of life support, that little bit of lift, and that can make all the difference in the world, especially in a dark season. All right, I would love to hear what makes you laugh.

What's your go-to thing when you're down, that you know is going to make you smile, that you know is going to brighten your day? What makes you laugh? I would love, love, love to hear from you.

You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can drop me a line there and there's a box. I would love to hear from you.

I'm on almost all the social media platforms, but I really do hang out on Facebook the most. So hit me up, Working on Amazing. Drop me a line.

I would love to hear what makes you laugh, what makes you smile. Thank you so much for joining me today. I really enjoyed having you, and I look forward to talking to you next time.

Bye.