Fear is a Liar

How often does fear drive our decisions? Fear can be a loud voice or a silent motivator.  Either way, fear does not come from God.  Fear is a liar and acknowledging the fear is the first step to getting rid of of.

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Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I am using that word rebuild specifically, because we're designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. Now, I think a lot of things can lead you to a point where it feels like you're starting over.

For me, that was divorce after a 20-year marriage. For my sister, it was the unexpected death of her spouse. And for you, it might be something totally different.

I think the commonality is when all your hopes and dreams for the future have gone up in smoke. The life you planned is no longer viable. The rug has been pulled out from under your feet.

Your day-to-day life looks different. Everything has changed, and it really does. It feels like you're starting over.

If that's you from the bottom of my heart, truly, I'm so sorry. But I'm here to offer hope and encouragement. I'm here to tell you, it gets so much better.

It truly does. You are not alone. You're actually in the right place.

So welcome. I'm so glad you're here. As we get down to today's episode, I'll remind you that in the beginning, I said there were five areas I focused on when I rebuilt my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. And I said that each podcast would fall under one of those categories. So today, we're going to talk about spiritual health.

And it also to me very much bleeds into mental health. I think a lot of these categories can overlap. So I'm going to put it under spiritual health, but it definitely strongly ties into mental health as well.

And today, we're going to talk about fear. I believe fear drives more of our decisions than we actually acknowledge or give it credit for. I feel like oftentimes, we make a choice, and we don't even realize we're making it out of fear.

So today, I just want to talk about fear, the hold it has over us, and just get to the place where we start acknowledging fear. And sometimes, when you call something what it is, and you label it correctly, it loses some of its power.

When you look at it with clear eyes, then you're like, hey, that's kind of irrational. So let's just take a moment and look at some of our choices that could be being driven by fear.

I feel like relationships, some of the decisions and choices we make, some of the things we say or don't say, some of our relational patterns are driven by fear. And we have to look at that, and we have to acknowledge, what am I afraid of?

Am I afraid that this person is going to throw their hands up in the air and say, I no longer want to be in a relationship with you? That for me is a big factor. I've had people do that to me before, and it makes a big impression when that's done.

And I will say that I think I avoid conflict, and I'm fearful for addressing an issue for what it is, because that is a driver for me. So I have to say, OK, this is what I'm afraid of. Is this rational?

Well, in some cases, it is. Some people may have truly even threatened, I no longer want to talk to you, or when I no longer talk to you, or whatever. That is a very...

So in this particular example, sometimes that fear can be rational. People do walk away. That has happened.

So, what do I... How do I handle that? So I acknowledge that I have a fear.

I am afraid of somebody walking away. Somebody in my family, somebody that I love, somebody I'm in a relationship with. Okay?

But I also know what scripture says. And this is the scripture for the entire podcast. I'm using it in this moment, but this is the foundation.

And it's 2 Timothy 1, 7. And I know you're really familiar with it. It says, for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

So anytime we're afraid of anything, that didn't come from God. God did not give us a spirit of fear. So when I continually make choices when I, like in the example I'm using, avoid conflict, I am doing that action out of fear, right?

Because I acknowledge now, I am afraid that this person may walk away from me and decide they no longer want to have a relationship. If I am making choices out of fear, that's not of God.

Fear, and in being controlled by fear and making choices and decisions based on fear is the opposite of God. Because God did not give us a spirit of fear. The spirit of fear did not come from God.

So when fear drives my choices, it drives me away from God, not towards God. So I know that I have to stop making choices based on fear. So I have to come to God and say, all right, God, this is fear.

I repent of fear. What would you have me do? And start it from a different perspective.

Once I acknowledge, hey, this is fear driven, what other things are fear driven? So sometimes relationship choices can be fear driven. I'm afraid that they're gonna do this.

I'm afraid they're gonna do that. So I make choices and decisions in relationships that are truly driven by fear. What other things do we do in our daily life that are sometimes driven by fear?

Well, I was having a conversation with a very, very dear friend just yesterday, and she realized, you know what? I've set up this odd parameter for myself. I only want to go so far outside my home.

I don't want to go too far away. And I've lived under this rule and this barrier and in this boundary I've imposed on myself. It's self-imposed.

I've lived under that for over two years. And just today, I realized it's because I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I go outside, if I do this, then something will happen.

And once she realized the fear, she realized that particular fear was not always in every situation rational.

If we acknowledge what fear is and how it is motivating us and driving our choices and our decisions, then we have a good starting point, okay? We have a good place to start. It doesn't mean that you won't still feel that.

But when you acknowledge, hey, I'm not doing this because I'm afraid, but when I really examine that fear, that's not 100 percent rational. Sometimes fears are rational.

Like I said, I could be afraid that somebody may not want to be in a relationship with me if I cross the line, if I say this, if I do that. And there's a piece of that that can be rational.

So sometimes fears are rational and sometimes they're irrational. When they're irrational, that's great.

When you acknowledge that there's this hidden thing that has been driving your decisions, and you can uncover it and say, whoa, this is really what I'm afraid of, but it's irrational. That is a win. And good job.

What are we afraid of? And then when they're rational, like I'm afraid to write my book. I've mentioned before, I've written a book, and I have a second and third book, actually, that I want to write.

They're in my heart, but I am truly afraid.

And fear is truly driving my procrastination in doing that, because it's like, I feel like I'm going to put all this time and all this emotional effort and energy into writing this, because it takes a lot of effort to write a book.

I'm going to do it, and it won't matter. Nobody's really going to read it. It really won't matter.

Who cares? Nobody cares. So the fear of not having it be acknowledged by anyone is a motivator.

However, let's examine that fear. That fear says it's not going to matter. Okay?

Is that the truth or a lie? Well, if God placed a story on my heart to write, then it matters. Does it say that that book is going to be a best seller?

Does it say that any significant number of people will read it? It says that if God has told me to do something, it matters. If God has placed something on my heart, it matters.

And the lie that drives the fear is it doesn't matter. Does that make sense? And the fear of not being recognized and not being acknowledged and putting all this effort in for nothing.

But that's not true, because if God has told me to do something, it doesn't matter how it's acknowledged. It matters what he asked me to do. OK, so there are fears that drive our decisions and labeling them and acknowledging them.

And when you find out what the fear is, I am afraid that this person is going to walk away. I'm afraid that if I put this time and effort into this project, it will be for nothing. I'm afraid to do this.

I'm afraid to do that. Let's sit down and say, what has really been an issue in my life? What hurdle am I struggling to overcome?

What just keeps on being the same hold up for me? What is the fear that's there? What am I afraid of?

And let's just write that down. Is it with your finances? Is it with a job and applying for a new job?

Is it in your career? Is it, what is it that we're afraid of? Is it stepping out and working on a new project, learning a new skill, doing something different?

What are we afraid of? And I just challenge you today to take time to call your fears for what they are. Label them.

This is what I am afraid of. This is why I keep having trouble getting over this hill. This is why I keep sliding back down.

If it comes down to it, this is what I'm afraid of. Let's label it. Let's call it what it is.

And then let's look at that fear. And I can almost promise you every single time it is a lie, because fear does not come from God, for God did not give us a spirit of fear. If it did not come from God, it came from the enemy.

The enemy has put fear in you, and the enemy does that with lies. Call the fear what it is. Step one, you know what?

I'm making this decision because I am afraid of X, whether it's in a relationship, whether it's in your career, whether it's stepping out and doing something new. Why are you afraid?

What choices you continually and habitually make that hem yourself in? What do you keep coming up against? What are you afraid of?

And let's just acknowledge that and take a moment to say, you know what? This is what I'm really afraid of. And, you know, my friend, when she took the time to say, you know what?

This is what I'm afraid of. It was beautiful and it was heartbreaking because it made so much sense. Like, we are such emotional creatures.

It makes sense, but when you say it out loud, for her particular instance, it wasn't viable, right? Like, when you call it for what it is, you realize, but that's not really the truth. Like, that doesn't work in every circumstance.

Let's call our fears for what they are, and then let's acknowledge this fear didn't come from God, okay? We know that scripture says that fear, God did not give us a spirit of fear. God did not give you a spirit of fear.

He gave you a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind.

So anytime you feel afraid, anytime, and even when it's that subconscious driving factor, that we are making decisions, we don't even realize we're fear based, let's sit down and say, what is the fear here? Why am I continuing to make this decision?

Sometimes it's obvious, I'm afraid to write this book because I'm afraid that it won't matter. Sometimes it's less obvious. I don't want to leave my house.

What am I afraid of? Why are we afraid? What is fear doing in your life?

What decisions, what kind of motivation, is it enacting on your life? And whatever you're doing out of a spirit of fear does not come from God. It doesn't.

So when you get up against something that feels like, well, this fear is really logical. I'm really afraid this person will walk away.

I'm really afraid I'll put all this time into this big, big project that's gonna take months and months and months, and it won't matter. What do we do when it feels logical?

Well, then I'm gonna remind you of another scripture that you're very, very familiar with, and that's Romans 8.28. The Lord works all things together for good, for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

For we know that all things, all things, everything works together for good, for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. And I just wanna just highlight, bold, all caps, the word, all, all things.

So even when we come up against something like, well, do I wanna, I'm afraid that for all of this time and effort and energy, it just, it won't matter. But God says, I'm gonna work all things together for good.

So I may not see how it matters in my lifetime. I may never understand the reasoning or the purpose. But God says, he's gonna work it together for my good.

The relationship that I'm so upset about. If I lay that before the feet of God, if I say, okay, God, I don't understand this, but I no longer want to be driven by fear.

I know that you work all things together for good, for those that love you and are called according to your purpose. And that's me. I love you, Lord.

I am called according to your purpose. So I can depend on this. This is a promise that you have given me, that you're gonna work all things together for good.

I am not gonna be driven by fear. I am not going, I'm gonna reject the fear. I'm gonna reject this silent motivator in my life.

I acknowledge that it is fear. I'm gonna reject that. And I'm gonna turn to you and say, in spite of this feelings that I have, I believe that you work all things together for good.

And I'm not gonna lie, that's tough. It's tough to trust when all the indicators seem to be going off. All the flashing lights and warning signals, like, this isn't gonna work, this isn't gonna work.

And to just say, you know what? I reject the fear, I'm gonna trust God. That goes against our human nature.

It goes against what we feel like is logical. Our mind tells us, but these warning lights are going off. This is wrong, this is not right.

And to reject that, and to reject the fear, and embrace, God is gonna work this out. I don't know how, I don't know what it's gonna look like. I don't know what working it out even means.

I don't even have an image of that in my head, because I don't know what that means, but I'm gonna trust what I cannot see. And this is a key takeaway. Please hear this.

Both faith and fear require you to believe in something you cannot see. Faith and fear are two sides of the same coin. Fear is believing in the negative.

Something bad is gonna happen, worst-case scenario. Our mind goes there so quickly, because fear, a spirit of fear, right? That spirit, that negative influence just jumps upon you.

You don't have to take hold of fear. Fear takes hold of you. You've heard that, the grip of fear, the spirit of fear.

Fear, it takes hold of you. You don't have to hold on to fear. You don't have to say, you know what?

I'm gonna choose to be afraid today. That doesn't happen. Fear grips you.

Fear takes you. Fear leads you on a downward spiral, okay? Fear will grab hold of you.

You don't have to worry about grabbing hold of fear. It's gonna grab hold of you. You have to make the conscious choice to choose faith.

You have to make the decision to release the fear and grab the faith.

So what would it mean if, as we've moved through our lives, as we move through our relationships, as we move through job choices and all these different things, if we say, I'm gonna reject the fear, and I'm gonna grab hold of faith.

I'm gonna release the fear, and I'm gonna grab hold of faith. And I don't know what God is gonna do. I don't know how it's gonna look.

And we see examples in scripture of people facing circumstances that they, it just took faith. Fear was right there at the door. I mean, Abraham and Sarah.

Abraham said, well, I know you told me I would be the father of nations, but obviously that's not happening. Let me take matters into my own hands. I'm gonna sleep with my servant, Hagar.

He was afraid that what God said wasn't gonna come to pass. He took matters into his own hands. He had no idea of the plan God had for Sarah to become pregnant in her old age.

Like, that just didn't even enter his mind space. And why would it have? That was a miraculous, over-the-top thing.

But he made a decision out of fear, fear that it wasn't gonna come to pass, right? And I think of the disciples on the day of crucifixion. Here they had been with Jesus, his entire ministry.

And never once, you know, at the last supper, if they had to write out the way Jesus would manifest his kingdom, I don't think any of them would have said, he's gonna be crucified.

I don't think any of them saw crucifixion as a pathway to God's glory. Nobody saw that on the flip side, okay? Jesus did, but nobody else would have seen that as the pathway.

We have the beautiful advantage of living on this side of history, and being able to see the beauty and the majesty and the divine and perfect plan. But in that moment, they did not.

It felt like everything was actually going completely off the rails, everything they had worked for, everything they had given up, everything they had done.

They walked away from jobs and everything to follow Jesus, and now he's getting nailed to a cross. In that moment, how much fear did they have to feel? How devastating.

I have planned all this, and it's so gone off the rails. But God has a divine plan. And so if God can turn around, something like that, he had planned it from the beginning.

It wasn't even a turnaround. I am mistaken. I should have never said the word turnaround.

It wasn't a turnaround. It was all part of this intricate and divine plan. And just know and believe that your life is part of an intricate and divine plan.

And sometimes there are devastating moments. And if you're in a season where you feel like you're rebuilding your life, there is something that has happened that has been one of those moments where you're like, God, why? This is wrong.

The moment where the disciples were at the cross going, how did this happen? This isn't what I see.

And just know, this scripture says, all things, all things, even what feels the most terrible, worst case scenario, all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

And in order to step into that promise, in order to take hold of that divine, beautiful word, we have to take hold of faith. And we cannot hold faith and fear at the same time. They both require you to believe in something you do not see.

And you cannot hold them both. You have to choose to let go of fear. I'm afraid this person will reject me.

I'm afraid that I won't be liked. I'm afraid that I'm unworthy. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough.

I am afraid. Okay, now let that go. Release that and grab hold of faith.

And I know that God works all things together for good. All things. All things.

Even the things that feel horrific. Even the things that feel benign. All the things are part of an intricate plan.

And we don't see, you know, we haven't read the ending. We read the ending of the Bible, but you haven't read the ending of your life yet. You don't know what God has planned, what divine intervention he's gonna do.

You don't know what pathways he's leading, what people are gonna cross your life, who you're gonna influence, and that they're gonna go influence somebody else. We don't see the intricate plan, but God does. And we know and believe in faith.

We're gonna grab hold of that, and we're gonna say, I release my fear and I grab hold. I exercise my faith. I choose to believe that all things work together for good.

Releasing fear and grabbing hold of faith, two sides of the same coin, and you can't hold them both. You're facing one direction or the other, but you can't do both. They both require you to believe in something you do not see.

Fear, I'm having faith in what hasn't happened yet. Fear says, I'm afraid that my book won't be well received, but that hasn't happened yet, has it? I'm believing in something I do not see, in something that hasn't happened.

If faith says, God's gonna work it together for his good. All things work together for good. I have to release the fear and grab hold of the faith.

That is the action that is required. And it's so hard.

And like I said, especially in a season, when it feels like you're rebuilding your life, when you're starting over, when you're doing the midlife reboot, and everything feels like it's fallen apart, fear can be a dominating factor.

And it's so hard to let it go. I understand that. I've been there.

I'm walking through it now. I get it. But we have to do it, because fear does not come from God.

God did not give you a spirit of fear. We have to release the fear and the lives of the enemy and grab hold of faith. I release the fear, I grab hold of the faith.

And this is a daily practice, but just today, I challenge you, I please, what is the fear that's driving your decisions?

What is it that you're, when you get down to the bottom of it, to the root of why you're doing what you're doing, what are you afraid of? Let's just acknowledge it. Let's call a spade a spade.

What am I afraid of? Let's label it. And just labeling it and saying what it is, you take a piece of its power away.

And then let's examine where the lie is. Because fear is a liar. And I would be remiss if I did not at this moment tell you, one of my absolutely favorite songs is by Zach Williams.

He's one of my favorite Christian music artists. I love Zach Williams and his music so much. And he has a song called Fear is a Liar.

And I can't tell you how many times I've listened to that song. And I can't tell you how many times it came on the radio at the right time. And I'm driving down the road with tears streaming down my face, because fear is a liar.

Okay, so you have to acknowledge what the fear is. Acknowledge the lie and let it go and grab hold of fame. So I totally encourage you to just go to Google and type in Fear is a Liar.

I am almost positive that YouTube video will pop up. It is just a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful song. And listen to that and ask yourself, what is the fear that is driving some of my decisions?

The decisions and the actions that I make that are not benefiting me in my life, that do not have positive outcomes and positive consequences, they are being driven by fear. What is that fear? What is the motivating factor?

Acknowledge it. Call it what it is. I am afraid of.

Realize that it's a lie and let it go. Grab hold of faith. You have a promise that all things work together for good.

You have a promise, but you can't hold on to the promise that all things work together for good and hold on to fear at the same time. They're opposite directions. You can't do both.

You're facing one way or you're facing the other. You have to let go of the fear to grab hold of the faith and the promise that God is working all things together for good.

And he's still doing it regardless of what you are or not, but it changes so much. I said this lapped over into mental health because when fear is a motivator, fear can bring on anxiety and depression.

Fear can be a motivator in a negative way, to do negative behaviors and negative things. So fear is a negative motivator, and that leads to poor mental health. Eradicating fear from your life, think of it like mold.

You want to eradicate the fear from your life because it's going to bring you down spiritually, and it's going to bring down your mental health. What is the fear? Where is it at?

What's its name? What are you afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm unworthy.

I'm afraid that I'm unlovable. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. I'm afraid that I make bad decisions.

I'm afraid that I don't matter. I'm afraid to walk away. Speak it out.

Say what it is. Say what the fear is. Acknowledge that there is a lie in that fear.

And that lie comes from the enemy. Fear is a liar. God did not give you a spirit of fear.

Fear is a liar. Release your fear and grab hold of faith. I know, like I said, this is so much easier said than done.

So if you need somebody to talk to, if you want somebody to pray with you, if you need just to share what is on your heart, you can reach out to me. I am here for you. You are not alone.

You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. And you can find me on social media. I'm on most social media platforms, but 100% I do hang out on Facebook the most, and that's just a page called Working on Amazing.

So send me a message. Let me know what your fear is. Is it rational?

Is it irrational? Do you need to talk it through? Do you need to work it out?

Do you need to just have another person hear what you're saying? Reach out. I would love to hear from you.

Thank you for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.