Flipping the Script on Gratitude

We've heard it before Gratitude is important and you need to find things to be thankful for. But what about the times when it's hard to find something to be grateful for? What about the times when life isn't going anything like you planned? What about the times when gratitude is the last thing on your mind? That's when we flip the script on gratitude. Those are the times when we look at it from a totally different point of view. Let's talk about that.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I am using that word, rebuild, because we're specifically designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. Now, that can mean different things for different people.

For me, that looked like divorce after a 20-year marriage. For my sister, it looked like the very unexpected death of her spouse. And for you, it probably is something totally different.

The common denominator is when all your hopes, all your dreams, all your plans for the future have gone up in smoke. Your day-to-day life looks totally different. The rug literally has been pulled out from under your feet, and it does.

It feels like you're starting over. If that's you, first, right off the pad, I just want to say, I'm sorry, truly. I know how overwhelming and just horrible that feels.

But I'm here to offer hope. I'm here to offer encouragement. I'm here to tell you it gets better, so much better.

Countless women have gone through this before and come out on the other side better for it. You are not alone. You're actually in the right place.

So welcome. I'm so glad that you're here. Now, if you remember in the beginning, I said I focused on five areas when I rebuilt my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals.

So today's episode is going to fall under mental health, and we've talked about this one before, but today we're going to maybe shed a different light on it, look at it from a different perspective, from a different side, okay?

And today we're going to talk about gratitude. Gratitude is so important. Every study I read on happiness, and yes, oddly enough, I do read articles about happiness studies, because evidently it's a research study now, which I think is kind of cool.

But so many of these articles, when they talk about quality of life or happiness or being content, so much of it comes back to gratitude. Gratitude is a very common thread in these things. Gratitude is super important.

If you want to turn your life around, if your life is not going in the direction you want, and you want to go in a forward and positive direction, gratitude is a piece of that. It's not the only part of it.

There's other things, but mentally, get in your mind back on a positive track. Gratitude is a big piece of that.

If you haven't listened to my podcast on gratitude, I really do encourage you to go back and listen to it, and really take the time to start every day listing three things that you're grateful for, at least three things.

And it is a powerful practice, deceptively powerful, and it can really change your perspective in your view of the world over time. It doesn't happen overnight. It does take a little time.

It builds, but it is a powerful practice, gratitude. And like I said, I see it coming up in these studies about happiness and living a fulfilled and content life. Gratitude always seems to be a piece of one of these articles.

It just comes up repeatedly. So I wanted to hit on gratitude again, but from a different perspective, because I'm a realist. I know in the middle of everything falling apart, it's really hard to be grateful.

I know when it feels like it's all going wrong, and I say, come up with three things to be grateful for. And you're just like, shut up, lady. I get it.

I get that it's hard to find things you're grateful for when nothing is going your way. I get that. I mean, that's a normal response.

It's okay. So what if we flip the script? What if we flip this gratitude thing and look at it from a very different perspective?

And instead of saying, this three things you're grateful for, what if we look at our life and imagine what it would look like if something were missing?

And I'm going to give you an example of what I mean by this, because it's one I've thought about a lot. So what would your life look like if you didn't have indoor plumbing? Right?

I mean, that's silly, and it sounds super dramatic, right? Oh my gosh, you're ridiculous. I don't know anybody who doesn't have indoor plumbing.

Well, let me tell you a story. My dad is one of nine children, and he grew up in a very rural area, and they had an outhouse when he was growing up. They did not have indoor plumbing.

So this is one I've thought about. Like, I know somebody who didn't have indoor plumbing in their childhood. It's not that long ago that people didn't have these great amenities that we have today.

What would it be like if I had to put on my coat and my shoes and go outside in the cold, in the dark, to use the bathroom?

I get up and pee in the middle of the night, and I don't even think about it, and I know I don't say thank you, but I should because it's a blessing to have indoor plumbing. It's a blessing to have hot running water. I'll tell you another story.

When I was in college, I did a cross-country road trip, and we camped out like tent camped at the Grand Canyon. Beautiful, beautiful place. So when you have a tent set up at the Grand Canyon, they have restrooms and showers that you can use.

However, you have to put quarters in the shower to keep it going. So it was like a five-minute timer. So you put 50 cents in, and you got five minutes of hot water.

This was back in the 90s. I have no idea what it's like today. But in the 90s, when I camped at the Grand Canyon, I had to put quarters in the shower.

It was a stressful shower. I had to make sure my conditioner was out before the hot water stopped, and the water just shut off. And then I had to scrounge for more quarters, because inevitably I still had conditioner in my hair.

Do I ever stop and say thank you for the shower that's in my house? That it doesn't just randomly shut off on me? That I have hot running water?

That's amazing. It's beautiful. And I need to be grateful for it.

What would my life look like without indoor plumbing? And yes, that sounds dramatic, but there are people, and in not that far back in history, who didn't have these things. Let's take a moment to be grateful for them.

Even in the middle of our life falling apart, in our dreams going up in smoke, we have things that we're not even looking at. Like indoor plumbing. Because the alternative isn't fun.

I promise you, we've got to spend more time being grateful for that one. But what other things do we have? What would it look like?

Do you wear glasses or contacts? Can you imagine not having those? Can you imagine just having to struggle without good vision?

We don't say thank you for contacts. We don't say thank you for glasses. But aren't they a blessing?

I mean, just as you look around your life, what would it be like if something wasn't there? What would your life look like without it? And when you subtract something that you use, you realize that you really are grateful for it.

So when you're struggling to say what you're grateful for, can you imagine something you use every day? Can you imagine it not being there? What would your life look like without it?

What would you have to do to compensate if that wasn't a part of your life, whether it's glasses or contacts or indoor plumbing?

I even, I mean, when I was in college, the apartment that I rented didn't have a dishwasher, and we had to wash all of our dishes by hand.

And I remember the first place I got after that, and it had a dishwasher, and I was like, whoa, I have a dishwasher. I mean, it was wonderful. And I was so grateful for it for two weeks.

And then you just get used to it in its old hat. But I know what it's like to not have a dishwasher. I know what it's like to wash all my dishes by hand.

And how beautiful and simple is it just to load the dishwasher. It's so nice. And I don't even say thank you.

That is amazing. Because I have lived in a house, in an apartment that didn't have a dishwasher. And I know what it was like.

But how easy we grow accustomed to these things, and we just take them for granted, and we don't stop and look at them.

So what I'm encouraging you to do is just to take a moment for something you use on a regular basis and think, what would my life look like without this? What would it look like? And can we be grateful for it?

And let our gratitude come in that way, imagining what it would look like if we didn't have this thing in our life, right? Sometimes we take so much for granted. We have so many beautiful amenities in this day and age.

And it's easy to take them for granted. Everybody I know has hot running water in an indoor toilet. Most people I know have a dishwasher.

I don't even think about it, but I should. We should think about it. We should be grateful for the blessings we have.

Okay, now I'm going to take this whole idea of gratitude and flipping it and take it another step further. Okay?

And I'm here to challenge you and say that even the things we complain about, the majority of the things that we spend our time complaining about, we would be devastated if they disappeared. What do I mean by that? Have you ever been a young mother?

I don't know if you have or not. But I remember those early days of motherhood when the baby wouldn't sleep through the night.

And it's this kind of culture, I think, across the board in our culture, in our society, maybe it's just really human nature to complain. Oh my gosh, I got up three times. I'm so tired.

I got up three times with the baby last night. And I mean, that's valid. It's not invalid that you're tired, that you got up three times with baby last night.

You would be devastated if that baby wasn't in your life, right? Devastated. So even the things we complain about are really things that if we didn't have, we would be sad.

So even when the baby wakes up at 3 AM, I'm so grateful that I have a baby. Does that make sense? And even as they get older and they become teenagers and angsty and you're dealing with all the that, and we can complain about that.

Oh my gosh, my kid, this or that or the other. But we would be devastated if they weren't in our lives. Well, what else?

Maybe children aren't your thing. Maybe you don't have children. What about your job?

How many people complain about their job? It's very common to complain about your job. I get it.

I've worked a new job. I have complained about my job. I am not condemning you for complaining, but I'm reminding myself to take a step back and say, I would be devastated if I didn't have this source of income.

I should be grateful for it. And even though it's a knee-jerk reaction to complain when things don't go the way you want them to, and I get that, and that is valid.

On the other hand, if we just do this perception shift, we flip the script and say, what would it look like if I didn't have that? What would it look like if I didn't have that job? What would it look like if I didn't have that source of income?

And suddenly, we have an appreciation for it. Even though your boss drives you mad, even though the work is demanding, it's like, but if I didn't have it, that would be, that wouldn't be good, that would be bad. So you know what?

Even the thing I'm complaining about, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for that. I need that.

I appreciate. Thank you that I have a job and source of income. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

So what else? So your job, sometimes your spouse, or maybe another significant relationship in your life is... Come on.

You've heard people complain about their boyfriend, their spouse, maybe if their parents or your parents are still alive, you complain about, oh my gosh, they want this or they want that.

It's easy to complain about the significant relationships in our lives, but we would be devastated if they were gone. And so, just take a minute to say, oh my word, I would be so sad. I would be so devastated if it worked this way.

So I'm going to take a minute and be grateful for this thing I'm complaining about. What other things do we complain about? Have you ever complained about having to clean your house?

Have you ever complained about home maintenance? Oh my goodness, I've got to do yard work again. This needs painted.

This septic system messed up again. Our septic system just messed up again. Trust me, this is a fresh one for me.

But all kinds of things with the house, whether you're cleaning it or doing maintenance, it's easy to complain about. But oh my word, what would it be like if you didn't have a house? What if you didn't have a roof over your head?

And then suddenly, maybe you're grateful that you get to clean it, right? It's just a paradigm shift. We just go from instead of being aggravated, it's grateful.

It is just taking the same situation and looking at it from a different point of view. And that's why I'm just encouraging you to do is just to flip the script and look at it from a different point of view.

What would it look like if that wasn't there? Your pet who, heaven help me, my dog, we have a fenced in backyard, let the dog out to go potty. Every so often, my dog decides to dig out from under the fence and go under the neighborhood.

And I complain about it and I get frustrated like, dog, you're not going to get it better anywhere else. Shadow, we love you. And nobody is going to pamper you, it spoils you more than I will.

But he has to go under the neighborhood and find some muddy water to roll around in because he's always wet and stinky when he comes back. And I get frustrated and I complain. What would my life look like without Shadow in it?

Oh my word, I would be devastated. Shadow is the most amazing dog. I have the best puppy, the best boy.

And what would it look like if he wasn't in my life? That would be devastating. So instead of complaining about the fact that he gets to be an escape artist every so often, let me appreciate the joy he brings to my life.

How sweet it is when he greets me at the door when I come home. How much joy and happiness he brings into my life. There are so many things we have in our life that we complain about.

Our car. It's not as nice and new as your friend's car. It's not as cool.

It's easy to complain about. You would be devastated if you didn't have a car, if you couldn't get back and forth to work. So let's just start taking even the things we complain about.

And I do get, there are some things you're complaining about, that if they were no longer a factor in your life, you would be so glad. Like hands in the air, hallelujah. I'm so glad.

I don't have to deal with that anymore. But there are some things that we are complaining about, that we would be devastated if they were gone. And let's just check ourselves a little bit on that one.

And I'm speaking to myself firmly in this group. Like, I need to hear this just as much as anybody. Our society just creates this culture of complaining.

Oh, I just need to vent, and I get what it means to just vent. I get it. But sometimes we need to look at what we're complaining about from the other side.

What if that wasn't there anymore? And instead of complaining, turn that complaint into, I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful I have this pet to go look for.

I'm so grateful that this dog is in my life. I'm so grateful I have a child, a baby to wake up at 3 a.m. with.

I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for the job that I have, and the income that it provides. I'm so grateful.

And as we just look at our life and think, what would my life look like if I didn't have this?

Whether it's just a benign thing that we just don't even think about, we totally take for granted, or if it's something that we're complaining about, that has just really gotten under our skin, what would your life look like without it?

And so when we tackle this gratitude mountain, and it is a journey, and it is going to make your life so much better. But if you're struggling to say, what three things am I grateful for today? Let's look at it from the other side.

What would my life look like if I didn't have indoor plumbing? What would my life look like if I didn't have my pet? What would my life look like if this, that, or the other were absent?

What would that look like?

And as much as we complain, or just don't even acknowledge some of the amenities we have today, or we complain about some of our blessings, let's, in just our own life, stop that cultural thing that's going on, of complaining and ignoring our

blessings, and say, you know, I can't change all of the culture around me. I can't change society. But as for me and my personhood, I'm going to be grateful for these things. I'm going to choose to look at it with eyes of gratitude.

I'm going to say, thank you for my contact lenses. I don't think I've heard anybody say that, but you know what? I'm so grateful that I have contact lenses.

I'm so grateful that I can see the TV when I sit on the couch. I'm grateful for that. But it's weird that I had to do this exercise in order to get to the place where I could say that.

It's weird that I had to think, what would my life look without it? I've just had contacts for so long, I guess I didn't stop to think. But let's start thinking.

Let's start thinking, what would it be like if I didn't have a laptop? What would it be like if I didn't have this, that, or the other? What would my life look like?

And so many times we turn around and say, I'm so grateful for my dishwasher. I'm so grateful for that. And that makes my life so much easier.

How awesome is that? We have so many things to be grateful for. Sometimes we just ignore them and take them for granted.

And sometimes we go so far as to even complain about them. But we can stop that. It's a habit.

It's something I think that society in an odd way kind of encourages. It's a weird cultural thing that's happening that I see a lot. But it doesn't have to be that way for you.

And it doesn't have to be that way for me. And I can say, as for me, I'm gonna be grateful. I'm gonna be grateful for this very common, ordinary, everyday thing, like my contacts, like hot running water, like a toilet.

I'm gonna be so grateful for that. I'm gonna be grateful that I get to walk around the neighborhood and look for my dog. And when he comes home smelling and wet and stinky, I'm gonna be grateful, because he brings joy into my life.

And I would much prefer to deal with a stinky, wet dog than no dog at all. I'm gonna start, just me, just me, in my life, I'm gonna start choosing gratitude in every way.

I'm gonna stop ignoring all the blessings that I have around me, that I've just been taking for granted.

I'm gonna stop complaining, and I'm gonna start being grateful for even the things that have irritated me and gotten under my skin, because the reality is I would be devastated without the majority of the things that I can complain about.

I hope you will join me in this challenge of gratitude. I hope you will flip the script. What would it look like without it?

Please let me know what you're grateful for. What unusual thing, what benign thing, what thing are you grateful for? What are you looking at in a different way today?

You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. There's a place there. You can leave me a message.

You can drop me a line. I would love to hear from you. You can find me on almost all the social media platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most, and that's just a page called Working on Amazing.

You can drop me a line there, too. And I would love, love, love to hear from you. I would love to know what you've decided you're grateful for today that you hadn't really thought about before.

Like, you know what? I didn't think about this, but now that we're talking about it, I'm really grateful for this really oddball thing. I would love to hear what that is.

I would truly, truly enjoy hearing from you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm grateful for you, and I look forward to talking to you next time.

Bye.