Breaking Our Emotional Connection with Food

Food is a very common way to self sooth. They call it comfort food for a reason. But what happens when you are trying to get in shape and you keep reaching for unhealthy food options because you're upset? How do we break that emotional connection with food? Let's talk about that.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I am using that word rebuild intentionally, because we're specifically designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. What does it mean to start over?

Well, I think it can mean many, many, many different things. But for me, that looked like divorce after a 20-year marriage. And for my sister, that looked like the very unexpected death of her spouse.

For you, I'm sure it's something completely different. The commonality, I believe, is when all your hopes and dreams for the future have gone up in smoke. All your plans, everything you thought life was gonna look like suddenly no longer is viable.

It feels like the rug has been pulled out from under your feet, and it's like you're really starting over. If that's you, first of all, from the bottom of my heart, I just want to say, I'm sorry.

I know firsthand how overwhelming and just horrific that feels. But I'm here with hope. I'm here with encouragement.

I'm here to tell you, it gets so much better. Countless women have gone through this midlife reboot, and they've come out on the other side better for it. You are not alone.

You're actually in the right place. So welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here.

Let's get down to today's episode. Now, if you'll remember in the very beginning, I said I focused on five areas when I rebuilt my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. And so today, our category is going to fall under the umbrella of physical health, and we're going to talk about eating.

Isn't that so fun? But a lot of times, we want to start maybe a diet, we want to eat healthier. Like, we have really good intentions, but we slip up.

And so this one also could fall under mental health, because most of the time, these categories overlap, right? But I want to talk about sometimes why we struggle to let go of food.

And I want to talk about that emotional connection we have with food. So especially when you're going through, like, a really difficult season, like, feels like you're starting over, after a divorce, after the loss of a spouse.

Sometimes our life feels so topsy turvy. Everything has shaken, and it just feels so bad, that when we eat something that tastes good, like, that's the one good thing, right? Everything else has not gone our way.

Everything else is upsetting. But we know if we eat this particular thing, whatever your thing is, that you might enjoy it for a moment, right?

And so we get this emotional connection with food, because sometimes that's kind of something that can make us feel better. I mean, they call it comfort food for a reason, because sometimes eating is a way to self-soothe, right?

We have different techniques in our life where we soothe ourself when we get really upset. And some people, sometimes, it can be food, okay?

So I don't know if you fall into this category, but if you do, you're going to struggle with diet and exercise, because you're going to struggle to give up the food that may be keeping you off track of a healthier lifestyle.

And the reality is, what we eat, our food, is really fuel for our body, right? That's the way we get energy, it's fuel for our body. But we do make this emotional connection with food.

And it is the worst when we're going through a difficult time.

So when you're going through a major relationship change or transition, the ending of a relationship or conflict in a relationship, it's easy to kind of reach for food for a little bit of comfort.

If you're going through a lot of workplace stress, it can be easy to reach for food, for comfort. Even when you're tired, have you ever been tired? And you didn't have the energy to make a healthy food choice?

So you just made what was easy, and it might have been junk food. I've so done that, right? So all these different stress and pressures, financial stress, all these different things can cause us to just reach for a little bit of comfort.

And I think, let's just talk about it, right? Because most of us have done that at some point in our life. Not everybody falls into that category.

And some people may be so extreme, or you actually need counseling, and you need help. Somebody needs to really help you, like binge eating extremes.

But I think the majority of people who struggle with this fall into that middle category, where it's more like, I do reach for food that maybe isn't great for me unconsciously. I want to get in shape, you know what?

I'm over the first big emotional waves of all that has happened in my life, and I'm ready to get into shape. I've just got to stop reaching for food for comfort. Okay?

And that's what this particular podcast is geared towards. If you really do struggle with it on a bigger level, that's okay too. I think it is not uncommon, but that might require help from a counselor.

If you're struggling with it on, and I just wish that this wasn't a deal for me, let's talk about how, what are some practical ways we might be able to break this emotional connection we have with food.

So we can start viewing it like fuel for our body, and not a warm blanket, like a child would carry around a blanket. How can we put it in the proper perspective? So for me, step one is just acknowledging, hey, you know what?

I have an emotional relationship with food. Every time I get upset, I reach for X, Y, Z, you know, whatever it is that you reach for. And I've said this before on this podcast, potato chips was a big thing for me.

I can eat potato chips today. I can, it's not like they're a no-no in my diet. But when I struggled with this, I would go get a bag of potato chips, and I would eat the whole bag sometimes.

And it was just that little bit of, that tastes good, so it made me feel good. And nothing else in my life was going right. And there was an emotional connection there.

Did it make me happy? Did it make, did it turn everything around? No, but it was something that tasted good.

And I think that we reach for something that we know is good when everything is going wrong. And so often that is food. But even though we're doing it to self-soothe, it can end up self-sabotaging, right?

Because we want to look our best. Maybe we're thinking about starting to date again, and we want to kind of get in shape.

And if we sabotage ourselves by eating unhealthy things and food that isn't good fuel for our body, but actually is harmful for our body, then we're not helping ourselves out in the long run.

We're going for that short-term feel good, not the long-term what is best, right? So just acknowledging, hey, I think I have an emotional connection with food. I really seek food out when I'm upset, when I'm stressed, that I really want to something.

Then acknowledging that and realizing, hey, there's an emotional response here. I think that's step one. Just kind of acknowledging, hey, this is an issue for me.

Step one, what is something then really practical you can do to kind of start breaking that emotional connection? Once you acknowledge, hey, I've got an emotional connection.

So the first really practical step you can take after you kind of realize, hey, this affects me, is you can start keeping a food diary. And I know you probably just rolled your eyes. That sounds so tedious, a food diary.

But I have done this before. I really have. It is eye-opening to write down everything you eat.

And you start noticing what emotional triggers you have, because you don't want to write that food down. And you start realizing, oh, I'm eating because I'm upset. It is just eye-opening.

There are apps out there, so you can just do it on your phone easily. There's a lot of ways to do it. I believe you don't have to do it long term.

I think if you do this for a week or a month, you'll really get a good benefit from it. And then you can say, okay, I kind of get it. But it's almost like tracking your spending.

You don't really realize what you're eating and what you're consuming until you write it down and track it. You just, there's so much that we're unaware of.

We don't count in our head, well, that was just a little snack, or well, that was just whatever. And when you start writing it down, you realize, oh, I'm reaching for food when I'm upset. Oh, I had way more of a snack than I realized.

That was almost a meal. And so writing it down, as tedious as that sounds, it really is eye-opening.

So if you want to break this emotional connection you have with eating, this is one really, really practical, tactile way to start breaking that emotional connection that we can often have with food. All right.

Another thing that isn't maybe as tactile, but it's very, very important, is you've got to start working on the stress levels in your life.

And I say that knowing that this podcast is geared towards women who feel like they're starting over in their life, right? So when you feel like you're starting over, that's probably a high stress situation. I get that.

I do. However, I want you to notice patterns. And so like if you kept the food diary, maybe you'll start to notice patterns.

Some stress in our life comes up out of the blue. But there are stressors in our life that are cyclical, that are pattern-based, and that we know when X happens, that's really going to stress us out.

So we get maybe starting to feel the tension building up to, maybe you have a meeting every week or every month at work.

Maybe you have an X, and when you do the drop off with the kids, and that happens every week, there's something in your life that you know, every time that happens, you get really stressed, right?

So maybe we can't eliminate all of the stressors, but we can look at the ones that are kind of patterns, reoccurring stresses, and say, how do I block and prepare for that stressor? How do I start pulling back on the stress in my life as a whole?

And how do I block and prepare for the things that I can see coming ahead of time? It's not like getting a ticket. We didn't see that coming ahead of time, or we would have avoided that.

But I know this meeting is on my calendar every month, or I know this drop off with my kids is every week. I know this particular thing happens on a reoccurring basis.

What can I do to block, to make sure that I reduce the amount of stress I feel from that? How can I insulate myself in a safe and healthy way? So, in the beginning, eating food might have felt the safe and healthiest thing to do.

Maybe you're not engaging in an argument. Maybe after the meeting, you go and get your favorite takeout. But now, let's come up with a different thing to do.

All right? So, if you know that this is really stressful, then maybe think to yourself, okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to take the dog to the dog park for a walk.

I'm gonna go to X. I'm gonna go to Y. I'm gonna go to Z.

I'm gonna go do something so that I'm not tempted to just to grab pointless food that I don't need, okay?

When you see it coming ahead of time, you can prepare for it, and you can kind of insulate yourself from the outcome that you don't want to happen.

So if, you know, you realize, every time I drop off my kids with my ex, I get upset and I go through the drive-through on the way home, I'm gonna do something different. I'm going to plan an appointment. I'm gonna get my nails done.

I'm gonna meet a friend for coffee. I'm gonna do something so I cannot stop by the drive-through. I have to do the next thing.

That sort of thing. Just looking at the stress in your life, and I understand, trust me, I understand, we can't eliminate all the stress. I mean, yeah, eliminate stress, great, good idea, but it's really hard.

But sometimes when we look at our life objectively, there are areas we can tweak, and we can insulate ourself a little bit from the stress, right? So think about like when you're moving, you're packing stuff, like dishes and breakables.

So you put paper and maybe bubble wrap around them to insulate them from the back and forth movement of a move. Well, you're doing that with yourself, right?

There's a lot of stress, there's a lot of movement in your life, and you're just trying to give yourself some insulation, a little bit of extra packing around there to help you get through this time.

So, what do you need to do to kind of insulate yourself a little bit from the stress? You can't remove it all. This is happening in your life.

You can't change it, but how can you insulate yourself from it? All right. What else?

I think having the support of family and friends is really, really important. Okay? So, if you have a really good friend, you can say, hey, you know what?

I'm trying a new diet, and I really think I have this weird emotional connection with food. Chances are, they'll be like, oh my gosh, me too. And it's so good to talk with a friend about something like that.

But it's also good just to have people to go out and do things with. And when you stay active and busy, this isn't going to be as much of a problem, right? Because one of the things that I'm going to talk about is boredom.

So when you're bored, sometimes we might eat food just because we're bored. Have you ever done that before? And you're like, why did I just do that?

It was just because you were home on a Saturday and you were bored, right? But if you were busy and you had things planned, you probably wouldn't have done it quite like that.

So I'm not promoting staying busy, but I'm promoting getting out and doing things, talking to a friend, going on a walk, having a support network, not only to combat the boredom, but also to help just with that emotional aspect of, do you know what?

I'm okay because we were reaching for food with an emotional connection. So if we have an emotional connection with a friend, maybe that can meet that emotional need that the donut was meeting. Does that make sense?

We were eating a donut for that emotional, like I have this emotional tie, I eat food when I'm upset or sad. But maybe if I talk to a friend instead, a family member instead, that will help.

So having people in your life that you can reach out to is really, really, really important. And also, like I said, being just honest, like, hey, I really think I have an emotional connection with food. I'm trying to work this out.

I think most people are going to look at you and say, me too. You know what? I think I do too.

And then that's a bonding moment. And then that is a much healthier emotional connection than anything you would have gotten from food. Okay?

What other things can we do? Well, you can take away the temptation. So when you go to the store, for me, it was not buying the bag of chips.

And for several years, I didn't buy chips when I went to the store because it was such a thing for me. Now, when I went somewhere and they had chips, I would eat chips.

But I didn't buy them to have around my house all the time because when I do get bored and I get snackish, what am I going to reach for? The chips or the nuts? You know what I'm saying?

So, if you don't have an unhealthy snack, you're not going to eat it, right? I mean, that's just simple. So, start removing the temptation.

And as you remove that temptation, do replace it with healthy options. And you can get on Google and Pinterest and find a lot of things, but nuts and trail mixes sometimes are a good alternative. I found that sometimes really plain things.

One time I read this article, and it was a dietician, and he was talking about, yeah, we need to snack, but the snackability, if that, I think, is a word, of certain things like potato chips, that is really high snackability rating, right?

You just keep on going back, going back, going back. But a snack like walnuts, you're gonna eat a few, you're gonna say you're full, and walk away. It doesn't have a real high snackability rating, if that makes sense.

So pick some things that you're just not gonna go to town on, that they will satiate you, that you actually like. Like, I really do like walnuts, but it's not gonna be like, oh my gosh, I gotta eat the whole bag.

You know, so something really simple and plain that you like, that is healthy, and go from there, you know? And I don't think anybody overeats walnuts or almonds, you know? It's just one of those things you don't keep reaching for.

You eat until you're full. And if it's just a snack, it's only a handful. So, think about that.

Stop buying the things that you use when you're emotionally triggered, and start buying healthier options instead. Now, it doesn't mean that you won't ever be able to eat that emotional snack for you, whether it's a donut or a potato chip.

It just means for a little while, you're gonna cut it out. You're trying to break the emotional connection with it.

And then, later on, you can fold it back into your routine a little bit, but you're never gonna let it have that emotional powerhouse that maybe it holds today, okay?

So it's really not about depriving yourself, but it's about recalibrating the relationship that we have with food. And sometimes, when we go through a big emotional upheaval in our life, that relationship we have with food can get off-kilter, right?

And all we're trying to do is just recalibrate it and put it back into its proper place. Food is fuel, and it's awesome that it tastes good. I want it to taste good.

I'm from the South, food should taste good. But we don't want to reach for food because we're sad. We want to reach for food because we need to eat, and we need fuel for our body.

And just recalibrating our connection with food, I think, is a healthy practice. Some people don't struggle with this. I am aware of that.

But I have struggled with this in my life, and it hasn't ever been, and I've never been extreme with it. But I definitely reach for food as comfort. And then when I was wanting to lose weight, it was emotional.

Like, wait a minute, I can't have whatever I want? And it was this whole realization that I had put food in a very, very different place than it needed to be. Because I got that emotional feedback loop when something tasted good.

It was like, oh, this is one good thing in my life right now. The one good thing is this potato chip or whatever. You know, it tastes good.

I need to eat food to be healthy, to fuel my body, to have a happy life. You know, I want to eat because I need food. I don't want to eat out of an emotional knee-jerk reaction.

And just as long as we put things in their proper place, I think we can be happy and healthy and whole. And then we're not using that as the reason we can't win with a diet. We can't get on top of the things we want to do.

I have these goals for getting in shape. I have these goals for losing weight. Well, you can do that more easily if you don't have this emotional tie to food.

So, today's challenge is we're gonna look to just break that emotional connection. Food isn't bad. Food, no food is innately bad.

It's just why we reach for it sometimes isn't healthy, okay? So we're gonna work on that. I would love for you to reach out to me.

I'm at www.workingonamazing.com. Tell me what your food challenge is. What you're really working on letting go of.

I would love, love, love to hear from you. You can also reach out to me on social media. I'm on most of the social media platforms, but I will say, I do hang out on Facebook the most.

So reach out to me and let me know what your food challenge is. What you reach for the most, and what you're working on letting go of. I would love, love, love to hear from you.

Thank you for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.