What is a Good List and Why You Need to Write One

We often write lists of things we need to do. We check items off as they are completed. This is a very common and necessary practice. But what I'm asking is that you make a list of things that you've checked off. Things that you've accomplished, things that you are proud of, good things. I can't stress enough how important it is to remember the good things. It's so easy to remember bad things - something someone did, something someone said, mistakes we've made, horrible moments, icky bad and uncomfortable things. My challenge today is simply to remember the good things instead. To remind ourselves that good things do happen, that we have overcome in difficult things in our past and then allow those memories give us the strength as we face today's challenges

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is the podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

Now, on today's episode, we're gonna be talking about one technique you can use to really boost your overall outlook in life, build your resilience, and really help shift your perspective.

And all that really is, is building a good list, a list of good things. And we're gonna get into that.

But first, if you're new here, I just want to say, this podcast is designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their lives. So what does it mean to start over? Well, it can mean a lot of things.

But for me, that looked like divorce after 20 year marriage. On the other hand, for my sister, that looked like the very unexpected depth of her spouse. And for you, it could be something totally different.

What I believe the common denominator is when all your hopes, all your dreams, all your plans for the future have gone up in smoke. Your day-to-day life looks totally different, and it does. It really feels like you're starting over.

If that's you, let me just say from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I do know and understand how horrible and itchy and overwhelming that feels. But I'm here to offer hope.

I'm here to offer encouragement. I'm here to remind you that countless women have gone through this midlife reboot and come out on the other side better for it. We are not here to gatekeep.

We're not going to have secrets. We're going to share what worked as we move from point A, where everything fell apart, to point B, a better and amazing life. That's what we're here for.

You are not alone. You're actually in the right place. So welcome, welcome.

I'm so glad you're here. As we get down to today's episode, if you'll remember in the beginning, I said I focused on five areas when I rebuilt my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. And so today's episode, every episode falls under one of those categories. Today is kind of like growth and goals.

So in goals, we make lists, right? We say, I want to do this. So it's really common and really good and really healthy to make a goals list, to say, these are the things I want to do, okay?

I encourage that. I'm a big fan of that, strong supporter. But today, I want to make an opposite list, opposite of a goals list.

And this is just as important and so vital. And that's a good list. What is a good list?

And I wish I could come up with a better name for it than just a good list. But a good list is the goals you have achieved. So sometimes when we do something, we're really quick to just scratch off the list to move on.

I did the laundry, check. But even the really big accomplishments, we just scratch off the list and we keep moving forward, and we keep our eyes focused forward. And sometimes it's good to look back.

So what brought this to mind is I recently read about a study in a psychology journal that went over this exact thing.

And it said that people in the study group that reminisced and in visualized past accomplishments and achievements and good memories from the past, were more resilient, more positive, better equipped to handle the stresses of life than those who just

focused on the future. And I have always believed that, but reading a study that affirmed what I felt like was true really made me excited. It matters. And it matters for so many reasons.

Our mind naturally replaced the past. And you know what I'm talking about. If you've ever had trouble sleeping at night, you're laying in bed, what happens?

Your mind serves up all kinds of conversations and scenarios either from that day or all the way back to your childhood. And they tend to all be negative. Have you noticed that something happened?

And you're like, why did they do that? Or you said something awkward or dumb, and you're like, ah, open mouth, insert foot. Why couldn't I have said something different?

And you just replay these things in great detail over and over and over in our head. So our mind is used to reminiscing. It's used to visiting the past and ruminating.

But we have to push its focus from the negative to the positive. And it really, really matters to remind yourself of not things you've done wrong.

Of course, we've all done things that are stupid in our past, that we would like to change, things like that. I get it. People have hurt us.

Yes, that's true. But let's focus on the positive. Let's focus on the fact that we really wanted to graduate from college, and it took a lot of effort, and we actually almost dropped out, but we kept going.

And yeah, that was 20, 30 years ago, but dang it, I'm really proud of myself for that. And I totally forget that I did that.

Or let's remember that there was that job I wanted so bad, oh my word, it meant the world to me, and I landed it, and I worked it, and I can say now that that's something that I did, and now I forget about it, and I'm older, and it's just a piece of

footnote in my past, but you know what? I actually did that. I accomplished that. So why does it matter to write a list of the good things?

Well, I'm going to give you a few reasons why this is so important. First of all, when we take the time to look back and appreciate the good things that have happened to us in our life, we are more aware of good things when they happen in the moment.

So it's just like when you decide you want a yellow car. Maybe you're a Transformers fan, and you want a car like Bumblebee. I don't know.

But you decide that there's something you want, and you become focused on that, like I really want X. My kid went to school with another kid who had like a mock-up of the Bumblebee car. It was cute.

You always knew who it was when you saw that car around town, right? So maybe you've decided that. Let's just give an example.

You've decided you want this car that looks like Bumblebee, so that's a yellow car, right?

And you don't have the car yet, but you're thinking about it, you're starting to look at them online, you're saving up your money, you've become focused on this thing that you want. And what happens once you decide the car you want?

You know, you know, you've heard this example before. Once you decide the kind of car you want, and you become focused on it, and you think that's the kind of car I want, you start seeing it.

And maybe they're not all Bumblebee cars, that one's unique, but you realize that's a yellow car. I never really noticed how many people had yellow cars, but suddenly, there are yellow cars way more often than you realized.

Are there really more yellow cars on the road now? No. What's the difference?

You've become aware, you've become focused, and it changes your perception of the world around you.

So when you become focused on the things that happened that were positive, and you take time to appreciate those and ruminate on those and remember those, then when things happen, as you're driving down the street, you're way more likely to go, hey,

there's a yellow car. Hey, that's a good thing. That's a positive thing. You become more aware of the goodness and the good things in your life when you take time to appreciate the goodness that has been in your life in the past.

Another thing, another reason why it's really good to write a good list is, as you write this list of good things that have happened, it really strengthens your identity, who you are, your sense of self. Why do I say that?

Because when you really know what made you happy, when you remember that the things that you choose to remember are significant, they shape you, right? And so what's on your list and what's on my list are totally different.

And the things that were meaningful to me, that helped shape who I am. And I'm letting good, positive things shape who I am. And I'm becoming more in tuned with the things that really make me happy, and that really matter and impact my well-being.

I am a person who perseveres. I wanted to drop out, but I didn't. I wanted, you know, this negative thing, but I kept going.

I wanted to lose weight, and it was hard, and I kept going.

And so when you look back at the things that you're proud of, that you've accomplished, your goals, the good things in your life, it helps build a sense of self and sense of identity, because the things that you're proud of in yourself are who you

are. They're part of your identity, and sometimes it's easy, especially when we're overwhelmed, and a lot of negative things are going on, you know, external things that we don't have control of.

We don't even give a thought to who we are, who we are as a person, what our identity is. And when we remember who we are down deep, I am somebody who perseveres. I am somebody who overcomes.

I've overcome hard things before. I can do that again. That reinforces our identity, and it gives us hope and strength and the ability to keep going.

It's so important to reinforce your sense of self and your sense of identity with the positive things. Negative things are going to come up all the time. It's part of life.

And your mind is going to serve you the selection of negative memories often. And you're going to have to say, no, I want the positive ones, because that's where I choose to find my sense of self. Instead, I can overcome.

I can find joy. I can do the right thing. I am a good person.

That's so, so, so vital. All right. The third reason why I think coming up with a good list is really, really important is because that helps give you forward momentum.

So when your whole life has shifted and it feels like it's falling apart, everything is topsy-turvy. And you're rebuilding, it's easy to get discouraged, right?

I've been there, you know, I've been the single mom setting up a house with just me and my kids, and trying to figure this out, and another bill comes, and the HVAC goes out, and the car starts making a weird noise, and all these different things

happen, and it's easy to get really discouraged, 100 percent. That's a reality.

But when you remember the good things, and you remember that you did overcome, and you remember the hard things that you made it through, that gives you momentum, that gives you hope, that gives you encouragement. This is encouraging yourself.

Like, hey, I've done this before, I can do it again. And that is a vital thing that you need in this moment, in this season specifically. I think having a good list is important your whole life.

I keep a list and add to it, but especially in a dark season, you have to encourage yourself. You have to make your momentum. And in this list is the core of that momentum.

Reminding yourself, I've worked it out before, I can do it again. Good things have happened to me before. Random strangers have been good to me before.

God has come through for me before. I persevered before. I can do it again.

That helps. That's like the seed that you need to push through. This is so, so important, and it matters.

I had a list that I wrote down, and I kept it in a drawer at work. And it was a tiny one. It was almost the size, it was a little book, but it was kind of the size of a three by five index card.

But it was turned the long way, not the horizontal way. And I would just jot things down. And so one of the things I jotted down was, I finally have $1,000 in my savings account.

That was a big accomplishment. And then I write other things, this, that, I accomplished, I achieved this project that was a big, hairy project at work. I finally finished that, yay.

You know, different things. And then I wrote that I had $3,000 in my savings account. That was a huge accomplishment.

And I read back and I look when I was so proud of having $1,000. And then I was proud of $3,000. And it was neat to watch my progress over time.

Please take the time to do this. It matters so much. What do you write on your list?

Okay, let's go through this. What are you going to put on your good list? I want you to take the time.

I want you to take a pen and paper. I want you to sit down at your computer wherever it is and write a good list. I want you to think, have you ever set a goal and achieved it?

Was it weight loss? Was it financial? Whatever it was, any goal that you achieved that was significant, I want you to write those things down.

Is there anything that you've overcome that was really hard? So it wasn't a goal to get divorced or be a single mom, but I overcame this really difficult juggernaut of a thing that just about drowned me, it felt like, emotionally.

And I overcame that. And so, it wasn't a goal, but it was something I'm deeply proud of, that I weathered that storm, that I made it through to the other side, that it didn't drown me, it didn't, I persevered.

So is there something that maybe isn't a goal, but you're really proud of yourself? Is there a time that you came through for another person, that you stepped up and helped somebody out, and you're proud of that?

What about accomplishments that we achieve, that nobody claps for? And it's not like shade on other people. There's sometimes, there's just certain achievements we make that nobody even understands how significant they are.

One of the achievements I made is when I paid off my house and I was completely debt free. I wanted to party and celebrate. I was so excited, but nobody else really got that.

There was no cheers. You don't have a party for that. Nobody really, I guess, if I would have had a spouse at the time, that would have been somebody to be excited with, but it just wasn't.

Regardless of whether there's somebody there to clap for you and cheer for you, you know the things that you were deeply proud of. Write those down, put them on the list.

I can tell you something that's insignificant as there is a particular road that really intimidated me to drive. So we've discussed before that I was in a major auto accident at 16, so driving can intimidate me.

And there's a place we used to go on vacation when I was a kid, and then when my kids were little, we took them a few times. But you have to drive over the great Smoky Mountain National Park to get to Gatlinburg. That's the way we go.

You can go around the mountain. But we go over the mountain. That's the way I had always known to go.

That's the way my family drove. But it's a very twisty, windy road, and a lot of times, it has really, really steep inclines, right? And so going up isn't bad, but it's when you go down.

And I remember my dad saying, like, when you got to the bottom of the mountain, Gatlinburg is right there.

And one of the first shops, it used to be, I haven't been in several years now, but one of the first shops on the left was a break shop, break entire shop, because people driving down the mountain would just ride their breaks and would eat up their

break, right? And so you could smell it. You could smell people's breaks because they don't, you know. And my dad, I remember him saying, you got to put it in a different gear and all these things.

And I remember that, but I had never driven it. It intimidated the ever loving snot out of me to drive this road. And then I thought, I don't want to get to the bottom and have my breaks all, you know, burnt up.

But me and my kids had decided this is where we were going to go on a vacation. So it was me and the kids, and I drove over this mountain. Was there anybody to clap or cheer for me on the other side?

No. I mean, my kids, I think, knew that it really intimidated me. They were old enough.

They were in high school by then. But it wasn't a cheering moment, but it made my list. Let me tell you, I am not even joking.

Driving over that mountain made my list 110 percent, because it intimidated me so much. So as you're writing your list, has there anything that has really intimidated you that you faced?

Have you done something that intimidated you but you did it anyway? Write that down. That makes your list.

It doesn't matter that nobody's there to cheer. There's some accomplishments that we achieve that people cheer for. We graduated from high school or college.

People are there to clap and cheer, and that's great, and they celebrate with us. But driving over the mountain was so significant for me, and it's not diminished.

My accomplishment for me personally, my personal victory is not diminished, because nobody was there to clap or cheer. I know the significance of it. So some moments are big moments.

You get a promotion, people kind of acknowledge that and congratulate you on that. But there are quiet moments, and I want you to put them all down.

The big moments where people clap and cheer, but the quiet moments where you overcame something, you let go of something, you did something, and maybe nobody knows about it. But you know how hard it was. You know the significance.

I want you to remember that. I want you to write it down. I want you to have a good list.

And I want you to read over it. And on your dark day, pull it back out. And as you go throughout life, I want you to sit down and write down the good things.

When has God come through for you? What has he done that you just know that you know in your heart, that was God. He made away for me.

He gave me peace. He provided whatever it is. I want you to write down all the good things that have happened in your life.

And I want you to start getting familiar with this list. When you achieve a goal, I want you to write it down. All the good things.

And get so familiar with it, that when you lay in bed at night, and your mind's like, do you remember this conversation? And it's negative, you can say, you know what, I do.

But I'm going to go back, and I'm going to remember this thing from childhood.

I have this idyllic memory from my childhood, and you know what, I'm just going to sit there with that, and remember the way the sun hit the water, and the way the wind brushed against my face.

And I'm just going to sit in this good memory, because that's what I choose. It's like you have two movie theaters. And the first one, the one you come to first, is just going to show you horrible, negative things.

It's going to make you feel bad. You're going to replay every horrible thing that has happened to you, every horrible thing you've done, all the bad things that you've said, all the bad things other people have said to you.

Like, it's going to be bad, and you're going to walk out of it feeling crappy. But if you push yourself and you walk a little bit further down, there's a second movie theater. And that's the positive one, and it replays all the good things.

You've got to choose to walk into the second theater. You've got to choose to replay the good things. The first movie theater comes up first, it's easy.

That's where the majority of people file into. I get it. I've done it.

I still can struggle to pull myself out of that theater and go into the other one. I know this isn't as easy as it sounds. But the results matter.

Don't you want to be a more resilient person? Don't you want to have a more positive outlook?

Just sitting in positive memories, remembering the positive, helps build your resilience, your positive outlook, helps you become aware of positive things as they're happening in your present, helps re-instill that sense of self in you, helps give

you momentum for your future. This is such a simple thing to do.

And I have talked about it before, when I talk about, when we write down our goals, that you have to have an accomplishments list, a good list, to write down all the good things that have happened, and remember them, and go back to them, and be

familiar with this list. Let it become a part of who you are, like I am good too. And the world and your mind is going to tell you all the bad things, it just is.

And people are going to say negative things sometimes, negative mean things can come up. But that's not who you are, and that's not who I am. And when we take time with this list, it's going to remind us, no?

I am a person who perseveres, I'm a person who finishes the task, I'm a person who sees it through, I can do this. I'm a person that good things happen to. Random people have done good things for me.

I'm going to remember that because if that happened in my past, it will happen in my future. I have faith in humanity, I have faith in God, God has come through for me. Remind yourself of these things.

It is so simple, but we've got to remember to do it. And we have to remember to do it. And that's the only thing.

So start by writing it down. Add to your list. Such a simple thing, but it's so vital, and it's so important.

I would love, love, love to hear some of your accomplishments, especially the ones that nobody clapped for. The personal, internal achievements that nobody notices, but you're so proud of. I would love for you to reach out and share those with me.

I would love to cheer with you. I understand, I get it. I would love to clap for you.

I would love to celebrate with you. You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media.

I'm on most of the social media platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most. And that's just a page, Working on Amazing. You can find me there.

Hit me up, send me a message. I would truly love to hear from you. I know you have accomplished things.

I know you've done things. Good things have happened to you in your life. It doesn't feel it in the moment.

Sometimes it feels like we're drowning. We have to remember the good things. We have to remember the beautiful things.

And we have to hold on to those in the middle of the storm. Because good things will happen again. I promise you.

I know they will. I believe in you. Thank you so much for joining me today.

I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.