What Do You Do When You Are Emotionally Triggered?

Have you ever had something happen that seemed ordinary to everyone else but it set you off emotionally? Has a single incident ever flooded you with so many emotions it was hard to breath? Maybe it was a text, an email, a song on the radio - one minute you're fine the next you aren't. Suddenly you are swept away in powerful negative emotions. What do you do in moments like that? How do you stop the spiral? What if you are at work? How do you handle it when a tidal wave of unanticipated emotions flood you? When we are going through big life transitions it's not uncommon to get triggered. Let's talk about a few ways to handle it.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

Now on today's episode, we're gonna talk about some techniques you can use when you feel emotionally triggered.

I don't know if you've ever suddenly gotten a text, read an email, heard something, maybe a song, something somebody said, and suddenly you're flooded with emotions.

You are taken back to a very negative space and time, and it's really hard to regain your footing emotionally. If you're just at home and hanging out for the day, maybe you can take a breath.

But what happens when you feel that way, but you're at work? What happens when you feel that way, and you still have to act like a professional adult? That's what we're gonna talk about today.

A few techniques, not to solve all the problems, but at least to help get us through that emotional storm in that moment, okay?

Now, if you are new here, I just want to say, we are designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life.

Now, starting over can mean a lot of things for different people, but just as an example, for me, starting over looked like divorce after a 20-year marriage.

On the other hand, for my sister, it looked like the very sudden and unexpected death of her spouse. And for you, it could be something else completely different.

I think the common denominator is when all your hopes, all your dreams, all your plans for the future have gone up in smoke, and it does, it feels like you're starting over. If that's you, first from the bottom of my heart, I want to say I'm sorry.

I know how overwhelming and itchy and just bad that feels. But I'm here to offer hope, I'm here to offer encouragement, I'm here to tell you it really does get better.

Countless women have walked this path before you, and they've come out on the other side better for it. You can too. You are not alone.

You're actually in the right place. So welcome. I'm so glad that you're here.

So as we get down to today's episode, just a short reminder, in the beginning, when I rebuilt my life, I focused on five areas.

I focused on my spiritual health, I focused on my mental health, I focused on my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. And I said every episode would fall under one of those categories.

So today, our episode falls under mental health, which is so important. The way we talk to ourselves and handle ourselves internally, matters immensely, you know that. When you're really down, it's hard to get your life going, right?

And today, what we're going to talk about, and this is just a small little piece, but those times you feel emotionally triggered.

So if you're going through a major life transition, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, just a major, major life change, that is emotional. There could have been trauma involved in that. Lots of lots of big, big, big, heavy, heavy, heavy emotions.

When we're in a delicate place like that, I remember feeling like I was just treading water. I mean, I was just keeping my nose above water. And at the time, specifically, I remember thinking, I'm just trying to keep me and my kids above water.

We're just trying to get through, you know, we're just trying to keep, I'm trying to keep my head above water and their heads above water. But then sometimes, something little comes along, and you feel like you're drowning emotionally.

So, like, I'll give you an example, and this falls under, more under maybe PTSD, but I was in a major auto accident when I was 16, and the way that accident occurred was, we were in the left-hand lane, we hit a median wall, it was a busy part of the

interstate, so there was the median wall, and we hit that median wall and flipped over. So even as an adult, when we drive in the left-hand lane, and the median wall is there, it really, I mean, like, I can taste grit in my mouth, I can hear the

sound, I like, my throat starts to get hot, I feel the heat rising from my neck, right? I have, like, a physical response.

The difference for that, to me, is I know that's coming, I do know what's gonna trigger me, and I'm better about managing it and handling it, and knowing, okay, we're here, it's okay, whatever.

But sometimes, you're going through life, and you do, you get a text message.

Something comes up on your email, a weird charge comes up on your fake statement, you hear a song, something just out of the blue that you're not prepared for, that you're like, you know, when you see it coming, when you know, you know, this is gonna

happen, and it's gonna make me feel bad, that's one thing, and it's not great, but what happens when you're at work? And you get that text message that sets you off. That is a bad place to be.

I remember being at work, and suddenly being flooded with emotions, and thinking, I have to pull it together, I cannot do this, I've still gotta act like a professional, you can't call out sick for the day, just because you're having an emotional

moment. That just doesn't work that way. So what do you do when you get really, really, really emotional when something happens? And it does, it feels like you're spiraling.

And so I don't know what word to call it.

I don't know if you want to say you're triggered, if you're spiraling, if you want to say you're flooded, because all those emotions, all the negative emotions flood you at once, it feels like a light switch, like a flip.

Like one minute you thought you were okay, and then suddenly something happens, and you're not okay emotionally. That's what we're talking about today. What do you do in that moment?

Not talking about how to solve the problem that triggered you, just what to do in the moment that you're triggered, how to regain your footing emotionally, when it feels like you're in a free fall.

So I've got a few simple things to do when you're completely flooded with emotions.

This isn't a complete list by any means, but just to help you get your feet back under yourself emotionally, so you can handle the situation that needs to be handled, right? Because we don't want to handle it when we're in the height of our emotion.

You never make the best decision then. Okay, so let's get down to it. What are some things that you can do, just tactile, practical things you can do when you're emotionally triggered, and it's bad, right?

So let's say you're at work, you're in a situation where you've got to still act professional.

Okay, so the first thing I would tell you to do is, if you are in the middle of a meeting, maybe your phone dings, you get a notification, it really upsets you.

If you're in a meeting or in a situation, if you can remove yourself from that situation, that's the first thing that you need to do. Go to the bathroom, just take a break, okay?

I mean, you can give yourself five minutes, even in a professional setting, okay? So remove yourself from being around people, okay? So here is my list.

Not all of them are going to apply to you. Take the ones that work and use them, okay? So number one, this is what I do, pray.

And when you're emotionally triggered, and you've got a physical sensation, like your body physically reacts to those emotions, I'm not asking you to say the Lord's prayer, or have an eloquent prayer, and all that, no.

But what I am saying is just speak the name of Jesus over yourself, over the situation. You probably don't have the thought capacity to come up with an eloquent prayer. That's not needed.

But if we just call on the name of Jesus, that matters. So, in that moment, when you are triggered, walk away from, if you're around other people, take a moment and just speak the name of Jesus. There is a spiritual aspect to that that is amazing.

It's also nice to know that God is bigger than you. If you're calling on somebody, it's because they are bigger than you, and they are able to help, and you're just kind of reminding yourself, you know what? He's bigger than me.

He can help. You know, it's just putting yourself back in that space, like it's not all my responsibility. Somebody else is bigger than me and can help.

And just sometimes, that simple knowledge, just, I'm going to say the name of Jesus. You don't have to say all the words. You don't have to say all the things.

Just speak the name of Jesus. I promise, it helps, okay? So, of course, that would be the first thing.

Another thing to do is count to 10. We know our numbers backwards and forwards. We've learned them since, you know, we were toddlers, right?

Sometimes when you take a deep breath and you count to 10, it just is a simple grounding technique. You know your numbers, you know how to count. Inhale, and just count to 10.

And I know that sounds like the dumbest, simplest thing to do, but it actually really works. Your mind gets put on a track that it knows what to do next, and your mind likes that. It likes to know what to expect and what to do.

It knows how to count. You don't have to think about it. It's muscle memory, right?

But when you do it out loud, then you've got your senses involved. You can hear yourself. You're saying the words.

It just takes a moment to remove your mind from all the emotional turmoil. Let's just count to ten, OK? So pray, count to ten.

What's another simple thing to do? Well, if you're in an office building, if you're in a store, even if you're in your house, you can feel like the walls are closing in on you.

Something about negative emotions feels tight and oppressive, and like it's closing in, and the bigger the emotions get, the more they feel like they're closing in. So go outside. I remember being at work and just going outside to the parking lot.

I really do. And there was a little bit of grass, not much, but there was some grass, and there were a couple of trees planted in the parking area.

And being outside in a space that was bigger than me, that didn't feel like it was closing in on me, helped. Breathing fresh air helped. Once again, we're not trying to solve what triggered you right now.

We're just trying to get our feet back under us, so we can function like an adult, so we can drive the car without being crazy, so we can talk to our co-workers without looking like a basket case. We're just trying to solve this moment. Okay?

So when that flood of emotions comes, that's what we're trying to do, so go outside, count to 10, say a prayer. What else can we do?

Well, if you are able to, and sometimes when you're at work, you're able to, sometimes you're not, but if you can put your mind on something else. So give your mind something else to think about.

I have always been a big believer that laughter is the best medicine, so I highly recommend like going on YouTube and looking up the best of Family Feud, and they, they're people who have made montages of all the best moments, the funniest clips from

Family Feud, and I laugh. Maybe give yourself a moment to put your mind off whatever has caused this really negative reaction in you, and give it space to breathe by watching something else, doing something else.

Maybe you have a task at work that you can do that doesn't require a ton of extra thought. Sometimes I had tasks at work where I needed to look at what I was doing, I needed to see, but I had done it enough.

I knew how to take pictures out and put them in graphics and change the text, and I could do it without being super focused.

I mean, I was focused, but I had already created the template, I had already done the heavy creative work, and I changed these out every month.

So doing a task like that, that I knew really well, that I did on a regular basis, was a good thing for me to do when I got emotionally triggered. I knew I could go in there and do this task, and fix, get these slides together.

It gave my mind something to do, it required thought, but it didn't require that deep thought, like, okay, do I need this color, that color, which font should I use?

When you're really emotional, maybe that's not the best thing, but doing a task that you're familiar with, that's a good thing to do, okay?

So put your mind on something else, whether you're gonna watch a video, whether you're gonna do a task you're familiar with, that you can just do, but put your mind in a different place.

All right, the next thing I'm gonna tell you to do, and they do this sometimes even with autistic kids who have like sensory issues, and it's a grounding technique, but when you are emotionally flooded, it will work good for you too, okay?

So what do you do to ground yourself? Well, you focus on your senses. So we have five senses, so I want you to come up with five things that you can see.

That's pretty simple, right? And then focus on four things that you can touch. And then three things that you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste, okay?

So five senses, so do five C, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, one thing you can see. This goes through your senses in a systematic way, and it helps ground you in this moment.

Emotions want to sweep you away, it's like a storm, and it wants to sweep you away and carry you away. And emotions are real, and they are valid, but we need to ground ourselves in the middle of the storm, right?

We don't want to be swept away too far. So just focus on your senses. What can you see?

Five things I can see, all right? Just focus, what can I touch? What am I feeling?

That is a grounding technique. I did not come up with this. Like I said, they teach this to children.

This is a very common technique. I did not create it.

Somebody much smarter than me did, but it is very practical and very useful when that flood of emotion rushes through you, and just you feel swept up in the current of emotion, that heavy, heavy, heavy emotion, ground yourself, okay?

And then just go through your senses. What can I see? What can I touch?

What can I hear? What do I smell? What do I taste?

And coming up with answers to those five senses, like identifying those things, really does ground you and put you back in this moment, and where you are, and that is really, really helpful where our emotions are really high, all right?

Another thing that we can do is we can breathe. So I am a fan of breathing techniques. I think I'm not always good at them.

I will be honest with that. But breathing and focusing on your breath is really important.

So you can do something called box breathing, and that's where you breathe in for three seconds, you hold it for three seconds, you let it out for three seconds. So everything is three.

Some breathing techniques will say, breathe in for this amount, and they're all different amounts. You know, you hold, you breathe in for this amount, you hold it for this amount, you breathe out for this amount.

That's too complicated when you're emotionally triggered. Just remember three. I'm gonna breathe in for three seconds, I'm gonna hold it for three seconds, I'm gonna let it out for three seconds.

The simpler, the easier, right? Especially when we've got a lot of emotions going on, we need to keep it simple. So box breathing is a way to just kind of help calm yourself down.

Like steady the line kind of thing, right? So the emotions are high, we're really, really flooded, we're gonna steady ourselves, we're gonna calm ourselves down, and we're gonna do, just focus on our breathing.

Another thing you can do, they call it belly breathing. So when you breathe in, your stomach should go out, right? And then you exhale, and your stomach should drop down.

And just concentrating on breathing in and breathing out, and your stomach going up and down. That is a relaxing and grounding technique that you can do. So focus on your breathing, that just kind of brings it down to something really simple.

We all breathe, and just concentrating on the air going in and out. That kind of helps take it down.

One of the last things I'm going to tell you to do is if you're at home, and maybe you're not at work, and you have a little bit more freedom, if you're emotionally triggered, I would tell you to get up and move. Can you exercise? Can you get moving?

Can you take a walk around the neighborhood? Can you do jumping jacks? Can you do some squats?

Come on, let's get moving, let's get our blood flowing. That can help. Another thing, maybe you're creative.

So maybe you need to sit down and put all the words on paper. Like, I've got a lot of words, so I need to journal. That was me.

I was a big journaler. I still am. So maybe you need to write down.

But maybe you're a painter. So like my sister is the most artistic person. I know she's extremely, extremely artistic.

Sometimes when she gets upset, she paints and it's beautiful. If you have that skill and that ability, use it. You know, if it helps you process your emotions, please pick up a paintbrush, pick up a pen and draw whatever it is.

That is a great thing. Some people, once again, I'm not in this category either. They like to bake and just the rhythm.

They know how to bake really well. And the rhythm of getting in the kitchen and in measuring the ingredients and mixing the ingredients is very therapeutic.

So, if you have any way to be creative, if you have a creative outlet that you really enjoy, please do that. Whatever expression that is, when you get emotionally triggered, if you are able to be creative, maybe let it out there.

And like I said, I think movement is a good one, too. Just move in, get in your mind, focused on moving and breathing and doing other things is good. Now, those are some things to do in that moment when you're flooded.

Like I said, it does not fix the problem. I do want to give you one caveat. I want to say one thing, that when we get emotionally flooded, when we are triggered, often times, not always, there is a lot of negative self-talk associated with it.

So, something comes up about your ex-husband. Oh my gosh, I'm so stupid. I can't even believe your mind starts going down that path.

Like how stupid you are, what an idiot you were to have thought this or believe that.

Or even if it's the loss of a spouse, sometimes you beat yourself up over things that happened or didn't happen, or things you said or didn't say, or all that ball of wax of stuff, right?

So, just know that when you are flooded or triggered emotionally, the probability for negative self-talk is very high. I want you to be aware of that, and I want you to nip it in the bud, okay?

Don't talk to yourself negatively on top of having all these heavy emotions. You deserve better. So, when you hear yourself say, I'm such an idiot.

I can't believe I did that. Whatever it is, if you hear yourself say that, try to catch it as soon as possible, okay? Don't beat yourself up over doing it.

We all do it sometimes, but just catch it and say no. And this is what I'm here to tell you. If you have gone through a trauma, if you've gone through a major life change, I promise you, you are not an idiot.

I promise you, you are worthy. All of the negative self-talk is a lie, I know. I know women who have been triggered emotionally.

I know what caused those triggers, and they are the strongest women I know. You are too. What you are facing, and what causes you to feel that way, you are so strong to have endured that.

You don't get that visceral, that big of emotional reaction without having faced something really big, okay? So any negative self-talk is a lie. Just know that, okay?

You are stronger than you're giving yourself credit for. You are doing way better than you think you are.

And I promise you, you're going to get a year, two years, three years out, and you're going to look back and go, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did all that. I am so much stronger than I realized. I promise you.

But know it in this moment, and don't allow yourself to beat yourself up when you need the most love and the most care. Don't be your own worst enemy. Love yourself.

Give yourself grace. Don't talk negative to your own self in the middle of a crisis, because that's what's going on. When you're emotionally triggered, it's your body's response.

Like, I don't want something negative to happen again. It's trying to protect itself. Something has come up that's reminded you of something very negative emotionally, and your body wants to protect itself.

You're in crisis mode for a moment there. Do not add to the crisis. Don't join in the party of beating yourself up, okay?

The emotions are already doing their job of that. Don't join in, okay? And I know we can do it without even realizing it, without even thinking about it.

We can start beating ourself up. Try to be aware of that, that that happens a lot when you get triggered emotionally, and just don't join in the party, okay? Don't beat yourself up.

Don't talk negative to yourself. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are worthy.

You are smart. You're doing better than you think you're doing. I promise you.

All right. So, I would love to hear from you. What do you do when you feel flooded with emotions?

There are so many more techniques than the few that I listed. I would love to hear what you do, what you found has really worked for you as a grounding technique when you get really upset. So, you can reach out to me.

I'm online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media. I'm on most of the platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most.

And it's just a page, Working on Amazing, drop me a line, a message, let me know what you do to ground yourself when you're really emotional. Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time.

Bye.