Godly Wisdom When You’re Starting Over

 After a major life transition like divorce, betrayal, loss, or job upheaval, many women struggle with a painful question: “Can I trust myself anymore?” In this episode, we talk about what biblical, God-centered wisdom really looks like—and how God invites us to stop carrying the pressure of having to get every decision “perfect.” We’ll explore how wisdom isn’t about reacting in anger, proving a point, or always having the answers. Instead, it’s about learning to trust God again… and letting Him guide us forward, one step at a time.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life. Now, in today's episode, we're gonna be talking about wisdom.

How does wisdom relate to rebuilding a life? Well, I feel like we could have multiple episodes on the topic of wisdom. Wisdom is something I always am seeking and feel like I need more of.

I love the topic of wisdom. But I wanna talk about it, especially as it relates to starting over. I wanna talk about some realities that aren't often addressed in mainstream conversations.

But I think they're truths that we wrestle with in the reality of what it's like to start over. And I feel like wisdom plays a big role in some of this. And one of the areas that I struggled with a lot was feeling like I couldn't trust myself.

Like this major thing happened in my life, and I didn't see it coming. And how could I have been so blind? And so I had trouble trusting myself.

But I think almost all major transitions leave us feeling that way. Whether it was death or divorce, whether it was job loss or a medical diagnosis, I think we blame ourselves in some way, and have trouble trusting ourselves again.

And what I like about wisdom, and why I think it's so important, is because godly wisdom doesn't require that we get every answer perfect. Godly wisdom isn't about perfection. It's about being in tune with God.

It's about not reacting in anger, or proving a point, or always having the right answer. It's about learning to trust God again. And that can be difficult when the rug has been pulled out from under your feet.

It's hard to trust yourself, and sometimes it's hard to trust God. And this idea of wisdom, and letting God guide you, and letting go of having to have the perfect answer, I think is really timely when we're in the middle of a major transition.

It was one of my foremost prayers in the darkest season of my life. I thought, I need wisdom here. How do I go about this?

I know what some conventional wisdom is, but I really wanted godly wisdom as I was rebuilding my life, as I was making these major decisions that I felt like were going to be substantial. What kind of house to buy, or all kinds of things.

I needed wisdom.

2:56

Godly Wisdom Defined

So, let's break it down. What is godly wisdom? Well, biblical wisdom isn't just intelligence or experience.

It's really spiritual discernment, all right? It's the ability to see life through God's perspective instead of just our own emotions, right? Because when we're going through a major life transition, we have a lot of emotions.

And somehow, learning to turn the volume down on those big emotions, and looking at it through a godly perspective, that is not intuitive or easy. But Proverbs 9, 10 says, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

And I think I go back to that a lot. The fear of the Lord is the beginning. What does it mean to fear the Lord?

It means God is first. Before you're upset that somebody's mad at you, before you're upset that, you know, this or that or the other, all these things that steal your energy and time and emotion. But God is first.

The fear of the Lord is first. And I don't think this means fear in the way we talk about it today. In conventional terms, we think of fear as afraid, but I think it was meant as in awe.

Do we stand in awe of God?

And when I come to the place where I stand in awe of God, whether I'm looking at his creation or just reflecting on what he's done, that is the beginning of wisdom, that it puts God first at the top, and then all the other decisions flow underneath

that. And that, getting that order right, knowing that God's first, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, knowing that God comes first, and that he is bigger than your problems, he's bigger than all the things you're worrying about,

somehow that just makes the order flow and in place, and it feels more comforting to know that God is bigger than my problem. It's comforting to know how big God is in relation to it. So, being in awe of God is the beginning of wisdom.

5:18

Wisdom Versus Knowledge

And I also want to point out that wisdom starts with surrender, and humility, not control. And this is where knowledge and wisdom are often used interchangeably, but they're very, very different at their roots.

So, like I said, wisdom comes from a place of humility and surrender, but knowledge, if you think about it, comes from a place of pride and control. I mean, they actually start as the antithesis of each other.

But the result you get from them sometimes, if somebody has knowledge to make a good decision, you're like, oh, that was very wise. And wisdom, oh, they were very wise. They made a good decision, they were very knowledgeable.

But they start from different places. And I believe, in the end, their fruit is different, too. When we gain knowledge, it's because we do, we need control.

When we gain knowledge, it's a very prideful thing. Look at what I know, see how smart I am. But wisdom comes from a place of humility.

It comes from a place of surrender. God knows more than I do. God is bigger than I am.

I submit to his will, his authority, his control. So they sound so similar, knowledge and wisdom, but they're actually, when you boil it down, very, very, very different, almost opposites, if you will. All right?

Oftentimes, wisdom is counterculture. Godly wisdom looks a lot different, oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes, godly wisdom can look very different from what the world tells us to do. Godly wisdom means not responding in anger.

When somebody says something that sets you off, and trust me, I've been there. I mean, like, I pray for wisdom because I need it, but sometimes wisdom is just self-control, not responding. And that's counterculture.

Culture tells you, stand up for yourself, don't let them run over you, don't be pushed around. Sometimes, not always, please, this is not a blanket thing, but sometimes godly wisdom is holding your tongue.

Sometimes godly wisdom is not responding in anger. Godly wisdom is not blasting somebody publicly when you've been wronged. And we've all seen somebody do that on social media, right?

Whether it was a business or somebody personal, you know, we've seen somebody air all the grievances on social media. I think godly wisdom is counter to that culture, okay? It's not rushing to the next relationship to fill the void.

It's not trying to win every argument. I really believe that godly wisdom, more often than not, sounds like a pause. It sounds like a prayer.

It sounds like reflection. And it sounds like asking god before we react. Just because we are justified in our feelings, doesn't mean that every reaction is wise.

You can be justified 100%. I was justified for being hurt. I was justified for being angry at what had happened to me.

But that didn't mean every action that I took would have been wise, right? So if I went and keyed his car, would that have been a wise choice? Absolutely not, okay?

So you can be justified in your feelings, but that doesn't mean every reaction is wise.

So when life throws a curve ball, whether it's betrayal or divorce or a major loss, a lot of women I feel like have this thought, like, I should have seen this coming. And this is what I said in the beginning. We think, how did I miss all the signs?

What could I have done different? I need, I can't even trust my own judgment. I struggled with this so much, but I've seen other people, and I look at them and I'm thinking, you didn't do anything wrong.

Nobody could have seen that coming. But they're struggling in their own way. Like, I should have taken him to the doctor more.

I should have done this. If I would have known this was going to happen, I could have done that. But you didn't know.

I didn't know. You didn't know. And this self-doubt can often follow us into all of our decisions.

It can follow us into our relationships, into our finances, into our career moves, into our boundaries. And suddenly, all your choices feel heavy when you doubt yourself like that. And that's why we got to talk about it, right?

That's why we got to bring it up, because a lot of people aren't talking about this kind of self-doubt.

When you've had a major life change, when you've been building your life for 40 years, when you are an adult with a house and a mortgage and kids, and everything falls apart, one of the results of that is self-doubt.

Not maybe for everybody, but it's really common.

10:45

Asking for Wisdom

And that's why I want to go back to wisdom, and how wisdom is to me the answer to self-doubt. James 1.5 says, If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Anybody who asks wisdom. I have claimed the scripture so many times, God, I need wisdom. It said, anybody who asks, you will give it, and you will give it generously.

I need wisdom. So I just want to tell you, I just want to remind you, that God is not disappointed that you need wisdom. Okay?

If you're a parent and your kid needs dinner to eat, you're not disappointed that they need that. You're here for that. That's what you do.

You're the mom. You give them dinner, right? God is not disappointed that you need wisdom.

He already put it in the scriptures. Like, I give wisdom to anybody who asks. Like, he knew that you would need it.

So let's get past the thing where we feel like, maybe we've somehow disappointed God. These are things that weren't verbalized, but I feel like we hang on to internally. God is not disappointed that you need wisdom.

He isn't saying, you should have already known this. Did you tell your five-year-old kid, you should have already made dinner? Absolutely not.

God is not thinking, you should have already had the answer. He's grateful that you're taking the time to interact with him and ask for his help, okay? He says, ask and I will give freely.

The very act of asking God for wisdom shows humility and surrender. Remember I said, wisdom, the core of it is humility and surrender. If you ask for something, you are humbling yourself, you're surrendering to the person you're asking to, okay?

We don't have to figure everything out alone anymore. And when you've gone through a major life change, there's a chance that you're feeling alone.

There's a good chance that you're feeling like you have to make all these decisions by yourself, and they're heavy, and they're overwhelming, and then you doubt your own judgment. And that's why wisdom is so important, because you're not alone.

God is there, and he has said he would give wisdom freely, all right? So wisdom kind of helps take the pressure off. When you trust God with your decisions, you stop trying to be perfect.

You stop believing every wrong turn to find you. You stop living in the fear of messing up again. Instead, you start living like, God's gonna guide me.

You start living like, God, I trust you more than my fear. You start living like, God, help me take this next step correctly.

14:01

Wisdom in Action

I remember asking God for wisdom on a major decision that I had. And I was 20 years old, and I had this major auto accident when I was 16, and it was finally going to court, and we were in mediation, and it was just such a major thing.

They came to us with an agreement, and it was so ridiculously low. If you knew how little money I got for missing two fingers, you would just be shocked. I promise you, it was ridiculous.

And out of hand, I said, I'm not going to take that. Like, that's ridiculous. Like, let's take this to a jury.

Let's go to court. You've drug it out for four years. This is wrong.

The policy limits are three times this amount that you're offering, four times this amount. And everybody looked to me, because even though I was 16, when it happened, my parents would have probably made the decision at 16.

But by the time we came to the point of resolution, I was 20. And they looked at me and they said, this is your choice. Do you want to take this deal or press on and take it to a jury and go to court with it?

And I said, I need a minute. And I stepped away. I remember we were in the courthouse, and I went to the restroom and just tried to get a minute to myself.

It felt so heavy and so overwhelming. And it felt like I was going to make the wrong choice. It was all on me.

I was still young enough that my parents had made so many major decisions for me up until that point. And this decision fell solely on me. If I said, let's pursue this, let's take it to a jury, they would have supported me in that.

If I said, let's settle, they would have supported me in that. So, it really just fell to me. I had some advice and some opinions, but the decision was mine.

And I prayed. And I had the strangest word. I felt like God just in my heart, I felt like God said, let it go, I will be your vindication.

And I had been praying for wisdom, and I'm thinking, where did the word vindication come from? Why do I need to be vindicated? I remember thinking that.

But I knew that that had to come from God, because I wouldn't have come up with that wording or that phrasing on my own, and God's just like, step back, let it go. I'll take care of you. I will be your vindication.

So I came back and I said, okay, we can settle for this amount, I'm gonna let it go. And I think it surprised people, it surprised myself, that wasn't where I was going.

But I had asked for wisdom, and I felt like that was godly wisdom, it was definitely counterculture. It was definitely not my gut reaction or instinct as to what to do.

But to this day, and we're, you're talking to, almost 30 years later from that settlement, I have no regrets, none.

And it was a paltry sum, if you knew how little I got for a thumb and index finger and all the turmoil and all the other bodily injuries and all that, it was ridiculous. It didn't even cover really the medical cost. It was so ridiculous.

I don't regret it at all. I know that I know that I know that I made the right decision because it was the wisdom of God. God told me what to do, and I haven't regretted that a single day since that moment.

I haven't. And I think when we go with godly wisdom, it gives us a piece that we don't have when we go with our own knowledge.

When god does speak to us or drop a word in our heart or show us really clearly, sometimes something just is like we pray about it, and god makes it pretty clear.

And when that happens, it's such a peaceful thing because then you're not wondering what you're doing on your own. Like, well, I made that decision, I might have made the wrong decision. Maybe I should go back, maybe.

But when you feel so sure that you're doing what god asked you to do, or what god directed you to do, it takes so much of that pressure of trying to do it right off. And I don't regret, like I said, that decision even a little bit.

I have so much peace because I feel so strongly that I heard from god, and that was wisdom of the lord. And I don't know what that meant, or what god's vindication looks like.

But I'm so glad I asked, because I would have probably made a different choice. And I haven't wished I would have made different choice not even one day since then.

The peace that you get when you ask for wisdom is a peace that passes all understanding. That you don't have to make all these choices on your own. That you don't have to make all the decisions, that it all falls on you.

Wisdom means putting some of it on god. And god makes these choices. God gives you direction.

And that is a really peaceful and beautiful place to be.

19:39

Practical Wisdom Growth

Now, how do we grow in wisdom? How do we learn to trust god again? How do we learn to trust ourselves again?

Wisdom doesn't mean you'll never make another mistake. But it means you're no longer making decisions without god. So, practical ways that you might want to grow in wisdom is taking a minute to pray before you react.

Before you respond to that text message, or that post on social media. Before you say something back that's snappy and catty, pray. And I'm speaking to myself here.

Please, 100 percent. I'm speaking to me too. I need this.

I need to grow in wisdom this way. The other thing I would say is read Proverbs regularly. Proverbs is so interesting.

It's all about wisdom. And some of it is kind of like odd, and you're like, what does that mean? But I promise you, when you read it, different scriptures will jump out differently.

So you may have read that chapter a hundred times. But when you're asking God for wisdom, when a specific situation is up, and you read the scripture, sometimes a different word, a different phrasing, you're like, I didn't notice it that way before.

And it's God, that's how God speaks to you through the Bible, through the scriptures. Sometimes you'll see something in a different light, and you're like, whoa, wait a minute, let me look that up. What does that mean?

What does that say? I never saw it from this perspective before. I've read it so many times.

That's how God talks to you. And so reading like proverbs, you know, the Bible, and in reading things about wisdom, and you can say, I've already read that. Read it again and again and again and again.

And you may read it and get nothing out of it. And you may do that three, four, five times. And then another time, you're going to read through it and go, oh, my word, light bulb moment.

I get it now. And when you're in the middle of searching for wisdom, when you're looking for what you should do, and you go to scriptures, and you get that light bulb moment, that's God's way of talking to you. That's His way of answering you.

Another way to learn to trust yourself again is maybe just to ask the question, does this bring peace or does this bring chaos? I'm really into peace right now. In the age and the place I am in my life, I'm really, really, really into peace.

But just asking that question, does adding this, does doing this, does going here or going there, does that bring peace or does that bring chaos?

If I engage in this online content where people are fussing, is that going to bring peace to me or chaos to me? If I insist on this, is that going to bring peace or chaos?

And when you use that as one of your barometers that might help guide your steps, because he is the god of peace, okay? He's the prince of peace. Also, you know, sometimes, just take a moment and listen for God's still small voice.

And sometimes you get a revelation, like the story I gave, when I went to the bathroom in the courthouse just to get away, and I felt so clearly that I heard God. Sometimes you'll hear that, and sometimes you won't.

But I promise you, you will never hear it if you never look for it. You've got to take a time and just say, God, what do you think? And you may get an answer like that, and it may be something different.

But you'll never get the still small voice if you don't ask for it, if you don't take the time to hear it. So taking the time gives you the opportunity to hear it, okay?

And God doesn't speak like that every single time, but give him the opportunity to. And the last thing I would say is give yourself grace as you learn. Wisdom doesn't come overnight.

It's not a light switch. It's not suddenly, I am wise. It takes time.

You grow in wisdom. So be gentle with yourself. God is gentle with you.

God knows that this takes time. Be gentle with yourself. You don't have to have all the answers.

You are truly doing your best. So as we wrap things up today, a couple of questions just to think on and reflect on as you go throughout your day, and you're thinking about wisdom. What area in your life are you afraid of making the wrong decision?

Do you have an area in your life right now where you're afraid of making the wrong decision? How would wisdom impact that decision?

Are you relying more on fear or faith when it comes to the things you do in your life, the decisions you make, the path you walk? Is it out of fear or is it out of faith?

And the last thing I would ask maybe to reflect on is, what would change if you truly believe that God was guiding you? If you believed without a shadow of a doubt that God was guiding your steps, what would change? Would you feel more peace?

Would you be okay if something changed? Would you be able to accept a different path?

If you knew that you knew that God was guiding your steps, and he led you down a way that you didn't intend to go, but you knew it was God, would you feel more peace? Just things to think about. There is no answers, but it's something to reflect on.

And as we close, I just want to remind you, you are not broken, you are not foolish, you are not behind, you are learning, and I promise you, God is walking with you. Wisdom is not about never failing. It's knowing who to turn to when you do.

I just want to say, I really do pray for wisdom for you. For anybody who's listening, I pray for wisdom. I pray for wisdom for myself.

I pray for wisdom for you. If you have an area you're struggling and would want wisdom in, and you would like to reach out and talk about it, you can, you can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media.

I hang out on Facebook the most, and that's just a page, Working on Amazing. You can find me there. I would love to hear from you.

Reach out, let me know. What, where have you grown in wisdom? Where are you looking for wisdom?

You're not alone. God is with you, but there are a group of women who've been through what you've been through, who are going through what you are going through. And we are here to encourage and uplift one another.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.