What is Rest?

In today’s culture, “rest” often looks like collapsing on the couch with your phone or turning on Netflix after a long day. And while those things aren’t inherently bad… they aren’t always truly restorative.

If you’re in a season of change — grieving, rebuilding, starting over — you may be deeply tired. But scrolling for two hours doesn’t necessarily leave you feeling renewed. It often leaves you overstimulated, comparison-weary, or emotionally drained.

So what is real rest?

In this episode, we explore how to truly rest your mind, body, and spirit — especially in seasons of transition.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

Now, in today's episode, we're going to be talking about rest, and not rest maybe in the conventional or traditional term. I believe a lot of what we label as rest in today's culture, isn't truly restorative and truly restful.

In today's culture, rest often looks like collapsing on the couch and scrolling through your phone after a long day. Or maybe it's grabbing the remote and turning on Netflix and binge watching TV.

And while nothing is wrong with those things, they are not inherently bad, they aren't always truly restorative either, are they? No, they're not.

And if you're in a season of change, and this podcast is certainly designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life, and if you're starting over, that's a season of change and transition.

If you're grieving, if you're rebuilding, you're probably deeply tired. Like, down deep. And scrolling for two hours doesn't really leave you feeling renewed.

It often leaves you feeling overstimulated, comparison weary, and emotionally drained. So that's what I want to talk about today. What is real rest?

What does it look like? How do we truly find the rest for our body, for our mind, and for our spirit, especially in this season of change? So what is the difference as we dive in to rest?

Let's first talk about the difference between escape and rest. Not all downtime is restorative, right? So escape distracts you from your life, while rest restores you for your life.

There's a big difference. But on the outside, they can kind of look the same. So scrolling can numb discomfort for a moment, right?

But it keeps your brain stimulated. Social media activates comparison, emotional processing, and constant micro decisions. That is not rest.

That's actually input. True rest involves lower stimulation. It reduces decision fatigue.

It quiets mental noise. So if you've spent two hours of rest, ask yourself, do I feel calmer after this? Do I feel clearer?

Do I feel replenished? And based off those answers, you should be able to determine if it's rest or escape. Because they might look similar on the outside, but I promise they feel very different on the inside.

3:25

Rest Varieties

There are seven different types of rest. Did you know that? You probably did, because we've all woken up in the morning at some point and thought, I'm already tired.

I've got the whole day ahead of me. And I started tired. That weariness, that tiredness.

And sleep didn't fix it, because you just woke up. You woke up tired. So there's more than one kind of rest.

We know that. So let's talk about the different types of rest that there are. So the first rest is exactly that.

It's physical rest. And the way you rest physically is sleeping. It's taking a nap.

It might involve gentle stretching, resting your body with gentle movement. But there are other types of rest. So there's mental rest, and that's just being quiet.

Now it might look like journaling or brain breaks. Then there is emotional rest. And if you're in a season of change, there might be an emotional overload.

And that's really being honest with yourself, and maybe sometimes even others, instead of saying, I'm just fine. There's spiritual rest. And that looks like prayer and reflection and surrender.

There's sensory rest, with no screens, no noise, no input. That's important. There's a creative rest.

Maybe that looks like time and nature. There's social rest, which is time alone, or with people that you feel really safe with.

When you're going through a major change in the middle of your life, it's emotional and mental rest that are often the most depleted.

5:29

Scrollingʼs Impact

So here's a good question. Why does scrolling on your phone feel good, but it actually leaves you drained? Why is that?

Why do we go back to it? Why are we addicted to it? If it really drains us, it's not truly restful, it's not truly restorative.

Why does it feel good? Well, let me explain. Scrolling gives you dopamine hits.

Every time you scroll on your phone, if you find an interesting article, if you see a cool picture, maybe it's a friend, and this is a picture of their kids, and you're like, oh, I remember back when we went to high school together.

Maybe you find something cool, you see a link to something you like, that all those little things give you dopamine hits. And so you keep scrolling, looking for something else that you're going to like.

Okay, that is a dopamine hit, and that's part of why it's so addictive. But it's also easy to fall into the addiction of scrolling, cause it can distract you from your pain.

If you're going through a very difficult season of change and transition, chances are there's a lot of pain involved in that. And when you scroll on your phone, it distracts you from it. That is normal.

It also creates the illusion of connection. When you see a friend, they post a picture of their children, and you haven't seen that friend since high school. It's been years, and now you're kind of staying updated with them through social media.

It gives you the illusion of connection. But you haven't reached out, you haven't talked to anybody. So it definitely makes sense why we continue to scroll, even though it's not restful.

It gives us those dopamine hits, it distracts us from things we don't want to do, and it gives the illusion of connection. But here's the other side of that. It also overstimulates your nervous system.

It increases comparison. Every time you see something for sale, every time you see a picture of a happy family, every time you see someone's vacation photos, you compare just a little bit.

If it's something for sale, well, I don't have that, or that's better than the one I have. When you see somebody's family, maybe you're going through a season where your family is fractured or falling apart. Divorce and death often can do that.

And you compare, my life doesn't look like that. Or if you see somebody's vacation pictures, I haven't gone there. I, we compare without even doing it consciously.

But that's not restful, it's not restorative, it doesn't leave you feeling better. Scrolling also keeps your brain in consumption mode, and it really disrupts sleep patterns.

Your brain doesn't power down when you scroll through your phone, it speeds up. True rest activates your parasympathetic nervous system. That's the rest and restore state.

All right, scrolling doesn't do that. So, what are some options? That's the real question now.

We've gone over, okay, this isn't real rest, this is a habit, this is something I do, maybe there's some addiction involved, and just scrolling or binge watching. What can I do instead that will truly help me feel rested and restored?

So, what are some screen free options? And I've got a few for you. Number one, the 10 minute quiet reset.

So, 10 minutes, sit somewhere without your phone. No music, no podcast. Just breathe slowly.

Let your thoughts settle. It's going to feel uncomfortable at first. You probably should set a timer because your sense of time will be really wonky.

I promise, you'll think way more time has passed than actually has. And that's okay. Your brain is detoxing from stimulation.

And over time, when you sit quietly, it won't feel uncomfortable. It'll feel like a warm blanket. Number two, another way to truly rest and restore your body and your mind is gentle movement, not a workout.

I'm all for a workout, but they are in a different time and a different place. When we're talking about rest and movement, rest doesn't always have to be still. It can mean movement, but it looks like slow stretching.

It looks like a short walk outside, deep breathing, light yoga, gentle movement regulates your nervous system and lowers your cortisol. And we all know cortisol is that stress hormone, right?

Another way to rest, to relax, to unwind without a screen is nature. So nature, I think, is one of the fastest ways to reset your brain. So sit outside for 15 minutes, take a walk, take your shoes off and stand in the grass.

Let your feet feel the grass. That's really grounding. Watch the sunset, listen for the birds.

Once again, it might feel awkward at first. It might feel like you need to do something. We're so used to multitasking.

We want to hear noise in the background. We want something else to be playing. That is a sign of an overstimulated mind.

Over time, you're really gonna get used to it, and it's going to feel good. It might take some time to get used to, though.

11:52

Inner Reflection

What's another way to rest? Well, you can get some mental rest through journaling. I, as I've said before, am a big fan of journaling.

I know it's not for everyone. But instead of consuming content, maybe you can process your own. Get a notebook, get a pen, and just try writing.

Here are a few prompts. Number one, try answering the question, what is exhausting me right now? Why are you exhausted?

Write it out. Really think it through. Is it financial strain?

Is it time strain? You don't have enough time to get the kids taken care of, to get the work done, to do all the things. Maybe it's emotional strain.

When you're going through a difficult season, there is a lot of emotional stress. If you had to pinpoint it, what is exhausting you right now? Maybe you could use the journal prompt of, what would feel nourishing?

That's a good question. What would feel nourishing? There are times in my life, I have definitely thought a salad or some good fresh fruit, I like pineapple and watermelon, that would feel really nourishing to my body.

Like I just crave a salad from time to time, or a fresh fruit. And it feels like maybe my body is wanting those vitamins and minerals, and that feels nourishing for my body. But maybe what would feel nourishing for you would be a bath.

It would be taking time with maybe lotions and body oils, and just really caring for yourself. Maybe it would be time outside. What does it look like?

I think it's different in different seasons of our life, from day to day, from person to person. But if you don't take time to ask the question and explore what the answer might be, you'll never know. What would feel nourishing to me?

Another question you could ask yourself as a journal prompt, you're sitting down with a blank notebook, what am I avoiding feeling?

So we've said a lot of times when we pick up our phone and do that doom-scrolling thing, sometimes it's because we're escaping, we're avoiding processing pain and hurt and anger. And that's natural.

It's completely normal to not want to sit with pain. But when you write it down and you get it out onto the paper and it's not bottled up inside, there's something cathartic about that. There's something healthy about calling something what it is.

I am angry this has happened. And I've been trying to avoid feeling angry. I personally hate feeling angry.

I think when I feel angry, I feel out of control. I cannot stand feeling angry. So I will find myself doing a lot of things to avoid anger.

Anger isn't necessarily bad. It just needs to be processed in a very safe space.

And when you have a pen and paper, that's probably one of the safest spaces you have to process sadness and to process anger and to process all these emotions that you maybe are avoiding. That's a really, really good journal prompt.

Journaling will clear that mental clutter. It can take time. It's not a one-and-done kind of thing, but it really does help your brain close those open loops.

We keep repeating things. Our brain gets stuck, kind of like a hamster and a wheel, and it's repeating a loop over and over and over. And when you give it a place to go, it's like you're pouring the water out.

It really does help reduce that mental clutter. All right, another way to rest without a screen is spiritual rest. I find this one very, very important, especially when we're going through a very difficult season.

What does spiritual rest even look like? Well, let me give you some examples. It could be repeating a memorized prayer.

So I've talked before about the Lord's Prayer. That's a very common prayer to memorize. And so when you're in a difficult season, you're like, I just need some rest.

You can repeat something that you've memorized, and there's some comfort in repeating something that you believe is true, that takes you back to the point of surrender.

Your will be done, your kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven, that takes you back to those places that you know you need, that you agree with, that you know to be true.

But you've memorized it, so it doesn't require as much mental strain or thought or decision making. Repeating a memorized prayer can be very soothing. All right, so that's one way for spiritual rest.

You can also read the Psalms. And I've said this before, I heard it several years ago.

The idea of when you're going through a difficult season to read through the Psalms, and you read until you find the Psalm that just resonates down deep in your heart. Because the Psalms have so many different emotions, right?

There are highs and there are lows, and there's everything in between. The Psalms are very emotionally spiritually driven.

And so what I heard was go through them until you find the one that resonates and then hang on to that one and let that be the one that carries you through the difficult season.

And I think that was such great advice, and I've done that many times in my life. So read the Psalms. Look for the one.

And there's a lot of Psalms. Psalms is a big book in the Bible. So maybe just take a few chapters a day.

You don't have to go crazy with it. Just read through the Psalms. And till you find the one that speaks to your heart down deep, like, I feel what is being said here completely.

And then hold on to that and just read it over and over and over. And let it be your mantra in this season. Another way for spiritual rest is just to sit quietly with God.

And that sounds so odd, but I mean it. So maybe start a prayer. Maybe tell God that you love Him, but you just need to sit with Him.

You don't have to come up with eloquent words. You don't have to know what to say.

I mean, yes, there is a time and a place to pray, but sometimes just reaching out to God and just sitting in His presence and just being with Him makes a world of difference. That is truly restorative.

Think about it like, I don't know if you've had a relationship, maybe with a parent, a loved one, and you could just sit in the same room as them, sit on the couch beside them, be in the kitchen with them, and you all didn't have to speak.

It just felt good being in the same space as them. Have you ever had a relationship like that? Well, God can be that way, and sometimes we can just like start a prayer, and don't worry about what to say.

Just say, God, I need to feel you near. I just need to feel your presence close to me. I just want to sit with you.

I just want to be near you. And that is spiritual rest. If that isn't your jam, if that doesn't feel comfortable, another way for spiritual rest can look like gratitude.

Listing all the things that you are grateful for, telling God thank you for the things he's done in your life. That is a very restorative practice. It's calming, it's uplifting, it's restful, believe it or not.

And I go back to gratitude a lot. I'm a big fan. I think it's life changing, if practiced consistently over time.

Spiritual rest is about surrender and not striving. So it's not trying to be perfect for God. It's not trying to hit all the right notes, say all the right things, do all the right things.

It's just about surrendering. And there's something beautiful in that space.

21:39

Creative Pursuits

All right, the last idea I have about ways to rest outside of screens could be creative activities. So if you want to rest, maybe look into adult coloring books.

I was really into this for a while, and it's been a couple moves back, and I no longer have my colored pencils and my coloring books.

But I tell you what, when I was going through a really, really tough season, I could just zone out and color, and there was something more relaxing about it than you would have thought at first glance, because all you have to do is fill in the space.

You pick a color, you fill in the space. You pick a color, it's really relaxing. It doesn't require a lot of decisions.

It's simple. I was amazed at how relaxing it was, and yet somehow creative and colorful. Puzzles could be that way.

Putting puzzles together can be relaxing. I know, it's not for everybody, but puzzles is a way that you don't have a thousand decisions to make. You're looking for a piece, but the picture has already been mapped out.

It's been cut up into a bunch of pieces, but it's a way to let one of your mental, some of your mental stuff be on hold. It's not demanding, it's not tons of decisions. It's just putting something together.

Another way, creativity can look for relaxing, and this is for some people, this one isn't as much for me personally, but it definitely is for some people. And that might be baking.

If you really love to bake, you get in the kitchen and you kind of zone out, you make a cake, you make some muffins, whatever, that could be a way to creative relax, to rest and restore creatively.

If you get stressed out when you cook, that's not for you, and you know the difference. You know if it just feels good, or if it feels stressful.

So like one time, I tried to learn how to crochet, and I have mentioned before on this podcast, I have eight fingers. I'm missing a thumb and an index finger.

And so I watched my mother and my grandmother all crochet, and they would sit on the couch with their yarn, and I thought it was great. And then I lost my fingers when I was 16. I was determined I was going to learn to crochet.

Those missing fingers weren't going to get in the way. And I did. I made myself learn to crochet, but this is what I learned.

In addition to my attempts at crochet, it wasn't relaxing for me. Not even a little bit. I was tensed.

I was stressed out. I was trying to count my stitches or loops. I was trying to count it.

And then I would lose count, and I would get confused. And I was up tight, and I was holding the crochet needle way too tight. It wasn't relaxing for me.

So puzzles, coloring, baking, if that doesn't help you chill out, that's not the activity for you. But for some people, it really is. It's gonna help you relax.

It's gonna help you zone out. It's gonna just help you be at peace. Find that thing.

But just because that's the thing for somebody else doesn't mean it's the thing for you. So crocheting isn't the thing for me. I love to see what people crochet.

I think it's beautiful. I think it's a great art form. But I get too tense when I do it.

I don't relax. I feel myself getting up tight, right? So find the thing that really helps you relax.

You feel like you know it well, and you can just kind of zone out in color, or zone out into the puzzle, or zone out in bake. And maybe for you, it is crocheting. Find the thing that you can do that is creative, but extremely relaxing.

All right? And there is a difference, like I said, and you know the difference, just like I do.

26:10

Restʼs Importance

If you're in a season of change and transition, a season that feels like you're starting over, and that often is extremely overwhelming, I want to remind you that rest is critical for you.

When you're starting over, your brain is processing grief, your nervous system is on high alert, you're making more decisions than you normally do, you're emotionally stretched thin.

So without rest, anxiety increases, emotional regulation decreases, and depression worsens. Clarity can fade. Rest isn't lazy, it's vital, it's so important.

Rest builds resilience. I don't know what you call rest, and we're kind of today challenging what we really see as rest. But I'm here to tell you, if rest, quote unquote, leaves you more tired than it isn't real rest.

Rest reduces input, it lowers stimulation, it restores your nervous system, it brings clarity, not distraction. Rest isn't lazy, it's healing. I hope that you find true rest.

And I hope that you find new ways to rest. I would love to hear from you. How are you finding rest in a very difficult season?

Please let me know. You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media.

I have an account on several platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most. So look me up. I would love to hear from you.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.