Becoming Proud of Who You Are

When life changes in an instant — divorce, death, betrayal, job loss, diagnosis — we go into survival mode.

We adapt.
 We cope.
 We shrink.
 We harden.
 We become who we need to be to make it through.

But somewhere along the way… we forget who we are.

In this episode, we talk about the healing power of remembering yourself — and becoming truly proud of who you are again. Not a polished version. Not the pre-trauma version. The woman you are now. The woman who survived. The woman who is rebuilding.

Because being proud of who you are is one of the foundational bricks of building a beautiful life.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life. Now, in today's episode, we're gonna be talking about becoming proud of who you are.

And that might sound counterintuitive, because this podcast is designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. And if you feel like you're starting over, that generally doesn't feel good.

Something traumatic, something extreme has happened, something you most likely did not plan for. Something came out of the blue and changed your plans completely.

The way you thought your life was gonna go, it has not gone, and it feels like you're starting over. If that's the case, you might feel overwhelmed, stressed, all these things can happen. But being proud of yourself isn't one of them.

But I want to talk about why it's so important. I get that life can change. There's divorce, there's death, there's betrayal, there could be job loss or devastating medical diagnosis.

And in the middle of that traumatic change, we shift into survival mode, don't we? We adapt, we cope, we shrink, we harden, and we become who we need to make it through. But somewhere along the way, we forget who we are.

So today, I really want to talk about the healing power of remembering yourself, and becoming truly proud of who you are again.

Not the polished version, not the pre-trauma version, but the woman you are today, the woman who survived, the woman who is rebuilding. It's so important to be proud of her. She's gone through so much.

She's so resilient. And being proud of who you are is a part of growth. It's a part of healing.

And it's one of the foundational blocks of building a beautiful life, all right?

2:27

Survival Mode

So let's talk about survival mode versus identity. So when something life-altering happens, something that leads you to the point where it feels like you're starting over, your brain prioritizes safety over identity, and that makes sense, right?

You stop asking, what do I enjoy? And you start asking, how do I get through today? And that makes sense.

You adapt emotionally just to survive. Survival mode is not weakness, it's wisdom. But staying in survival mode for too long disconnects you from yourself.

Healing begins when you move from, I just need to make it, to, who do I want to be now? And that's a hard shift, right? We often get stuck in survival mode, and it makes sense, it's self-preservation.

I get it, I've been there. But healing comes when we shift out of survival mode. Are you ready to shift out of survival mode into identity?

And sometimes we're just not there yet. Sometimes the trauma is too fresh. Survival mode serves a purpose.

Don't misunderstand, it's not wrong to be in survival mode. It's just not healthy to stay stuck in survival mode, all right? So, because we're in survival mode, there is this quiet identity loss that nobody talks about.

I went through it. If you're in this situation, you've probably gone through it, but nobody really addresses it. After a major traumatic life change, you can often feel like you don't recognize yourself anymore.

You might think, I used to be confident, I used to be fun, I used to laugh. I don't even know who I am anymore. These are very common thoughts and feelings after going through a major life transition that has been hard and overwhelming.

And I just want to tell you that is not failure, it's grief. You're grieving the person and the version of you that existed before your life kind of fell apart. That's okay.

But here's the beautiful truth that I think really matters. When we're starting over, we are not starting from scratch. We're rebuilding from experience.

So it feels like you're starting over, and I get that, you know so much more than you did back in your 20s, right? You know so much more today. So you're not starting over from scratch.

You really are rebuilding from experience. And the woman you are today, she's wiser and she's stronger than ever before. I need you to know that.

5:48

Healthy Pride

So being proud of who you are, I just want to be clear about this. When I say being proud of who you are, taking pride in who you are, I'm not talking about an arrogant pride, okay? I'm talking about self-respect.

And I grew up in a culture that really looked down on being prideful. That was a sin. It was wrong to be arrogant and prideful.

So I always struggled with self-respect or pride, like saying I was proud of myself because that felt wrong. I can understand if you came from a background like that to feel funny about it.

But what we're really addressing here is not the arrogant pride, the pride that comes before fall, the ego pride. What we're talking about is self-respect and knowing your self-worth.

So there's a difference between the two, and I really think it's important that we make that distinction. Ego says, I'm better than, but a healthy pride says, I know my worth. Do you get the difference?

Okay, being proud of who you are means you don't have to apologize for existing. It means that you honor your boundaries. It means that you get to recognize your growth, and you stop tolerating behavior that diminishes you.

When you are proud of who you are, you carry yourself differently. And here's something that's really important.

If you are still a single woman, if you've gone through the loss of a spouse or a divorce, and you haven't found a relationship yet, this is the most important for you to hear. I really want to talk clearly to you.

Finding pride in who you are, knowing your self-worth, self-respect is vital for you. Because manipulation thrives in insecurity.

And as you think about the possibility of entering into a new relationship, having self-respect and self-worth, being proud of who you are, really helps protect you from gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and settling for less than what you

deserve, okay? It's so important. And even if you are in a relationship, there is so much value in just coming in to understanding that you are worth self-respect, you really are.

And I get that negative times and hard situations can beat you down, and they can diminish your life. I know that. And regaining pride in who you are might be a journey.

It may not happen overnight, but it's 100% a journey worth taking.

9:15

Letting Go

Now, sometimes in order to be proud of ourselves, we've got to let go of something, right? Maybe you look at your life right now and you're like, I'm struggling here. And sometimes we've got to let go of certain things.

What do I mean? Well, sometimes to become proud of yourself again, you've got to let go of a coping mechanism. So we said we were in survival mode, something really negative happened, death, betrayal, divorce, something that we didn't plan, right?

So we went into survival mode. Maybe you've picked up a coping mechanism that you're not proud of, and it's time to let that go now that we're out of survival mode, right? And only you know what that is.

It could be different things for different people. But letting go of that coping mechanism might make room for you to be proud of yourself again. Some women, it might be releasing bitterness, and that's hard.

You know, it's very easy to be bitter about the things that happen in the people that hurt you. But holding on to bitterness is not going to build a beautiful life. We have to let that go, all right?

And when you let go of bitterness, what do you know? You can be proud of yourself, like, hey, I let that go. There really is a pride that comes when you realize, I'm big enough, I'm strong enough, I'm healthy enough to let that go.

Sometimes it means breaking a pattern. To become proud of yourself again, you've got to release a pattern.

Maybe you have a pattern of texting or calling or an emotional crutch that you use, and you know that you go shopping and you spend too much money or whatever it is, right?

And sometimes part of becoming proud of yourself again is breaking a pattern that isn't healthy. Sometimes it's stopping that negative self-talk, and that is such a big, big, big one.

A lot of times when you've gone through something bad, and people have said negative things to you, you repeat them in your head, and you say them in your own voice sometimes. And we have to stop negative self-talk.

And when we stop that, and I struggled with this a lot, and I think I've said this before on the podcast, I was struggling with negative self-talk, and when I kind of realized it, it happened unconsciously for probably years, but once I became aware

of it, I was like, oh my goodness, I cannot believe I talked to myself this way. And I found a picture from my kindergarten graduation. I'm wearing like this little red cap and gown. I'm this blonde little girl with this huge smile on my face.

Like, I'm so proud of myself for graduating kindergarten. But this cute little girl, right? And I made her the wallpaper on my phone.

I looked at it every day. And I told myself, if you wouldn't say that to her, don't say it to yourself, because she's the little girl that lives inside you. That was me when I was like five.

And if I wouldn't say it to her, and just a picture of my younger self really helped to still that thought in me, like, I can't have negative self-talk. I can't talk to this child the way I talk to myself.

I wouldn't tell her she's worthless, or she's not beautiful, or she's not good enough. I wouldn't tell her that. I don't need to tell myself that.

It was one of the tools I used to break that cycle. And now I have replaced that negative self-talk with self-love. There are days that I look in the mirror, and I just tell myself, I love you.

You're doing good. You're doing your very best. I'm proud of you.

Good job. And it's amazing the shift from the negative self-talk of talking down to myself and being really negative towards myself to now, I tell myself, I love you. I tell myself, I'm proud of you.

And just the mental shift. And it took time, and it took focus, and it took determination, but it's worth it. And in your mental health and in your overall well-being, it really matters, and it's worth it.

And it's a shift that is worth making. So getting back to letting go. So sometimes you gotta let go of big things.

And letting go of a coping mechanism, or releasing bitterness, or breaking a pattern, or stopping negative self-talk, those are kind of big things to let go of. They take time. It's not an easy switch.

But sometimes letting go and making room to be proud of yourself, letting go of some things is quieter, it's simpler. Sometimes it's just remembering your strengths. Sometimes it's owning your quirks.

Sometimes it's laughing at your own weirdness. Sometimes it's admitting something as simple as, I actually like who I am. You don't have to become somebody new.

You just need to return to yourself. And sometimes letting go of these beliefs, coping mechanisms, patterns, these certain things, really make room for us to be proud of who we are. Everybody has silly little quirks.

Own it. It's okay. Be proud of who you are.

15:13

Rebuilding Self-Worth

So what are some practical ways to rebuild pride within yourself, your self-worth, your identity? So here are just a few little practical steps to help rebuild your self-worth. Number one, make a survival list.

Write down everything you've survived, and do it in short, simple terms. I don't want you to relive what you've survived, but I do want you to honor it. And when you write it down, you'll be amazed.

Like, look at all that I've lived through. Look what I've gone through, and I'm still standing. It's amazing.

So like I said, don't wax poetic about what you've survived. List it in as short of words possible, you know, few words as you can. Don't relive it, but honor it.

What you have lived through is worth honoring. Number two, identify five traits that you respect in yourself. And I'm not talking about accomplishments.

I graduated college. I'm talking about traits. I'm talking about things like, I am kind.

I am resilient. I am honest. I'm faithful.

I'm loyal. I'm creative. Come up with five traits that you really respect about yourself and write them down.

Number three, and this one was hard for me, stop self-deprecating humor. I really did this a lot, and I can still slip into it without even realizing it. It's one that I have to watch for.

But your mind hears what you say and it believes it. So don't make fun of yourself. I get you can be funny.

I thought I was hilarious. But don't talk bad about yourself even in a funny way. It's not worth it.

You have value, you have worth, and don't get comfortable talking bad about yourself. You are worthy, you are valuable, and you have to make that shift.

And I get that it's hard, especially if you're used to kind of joking around with self-deprecating humor. I got very, very comfortable with that. It's a hard habit to break, but I challenge you right now, start breaking it.

Stop talking negatively about yourself even in a humorous way, all right? Number four, do one thing that feels like you. Maybe it's music that you love.

Maybe it's a hobby that you abandon or a style that you miss. I remember, there are a couple of things I did after my divorce. I stopped listening to the music that I really like.

I lived in a household where nobody really liked that music. I got made fun of for the music I listened to and what I liked. So I just quietly stopped listening to it.

It wasn't a big deal. I didn't think about it. But after my divorce, I'm like, wait a minute, I like this.

It is Christian music. I've talked about it before. Christian music uplifts me, it encourages me, it redirects my focus back to where I need it to be.

It's a big thing for me. And I had given it up and getting back to listening to what made me feel good was amazing. Another thing, I like candles.

And I had gone through a phase where I couldn't bring candles in the house anymore. I was told, no more candles, you have too many candles. And I stopped buying candles for 10, 15 years.

I mean, a really long time. And I don't know, I didn't really think about it. And I had maybe been divorced a year.

And I thought, oh my goodness, I can have candles again. And I went and bought candles. What is something that's you, that you haven't done in a while?

Whether it's music or something you used to really love, that you've quietly let go of. Get back to yourself. What is it?

Did you used to have a style, and somebody said something so you quit being so bold, and you kind of just toned it down? Get back to that. Get back to whatever it is that's you, authentically you.

Whether it's music, whether it was a food you used to like, something you used to do, find yourself again.

And the last thing I would say, to practice a way to rebuild your self worth, is speak to yourself the way you would speak to a daughter or a best friend.

And I kind of talked about this before, stopping that negative self talk, and start talking to yourself. How would you talk to your daughter?

When you look at yourself in the mirror, and you're like, oh, I'm getting crow's feet, these wrinkles, this is horrible. Would you say that to your daughter? Or would you say, you're so beautiful?

Look at the signs of all that you've been through. That's amazing. They're a badge of honor.

What would you tell your best friend? How would you talk to them? And talk to yourself that way.

When you look in the mirror, when you're struggling with a problem, how would you talk to your daughter? What would you say to your best friend when you encounter an obstacle?

When things are tough, we tend to really berate ourselves internally when we can't figure something out, or we're struggling just to get through the day.

Like, I've got to get the laundry done, I've got to do this, and we start kind of beating ourselves up. Sometimes we can get into that mode.

If you want to rebuild your self-worth and your value and pride in who you are, start talking to yourself like you would talk to your daughter or your very best friend. Talk to yourself with love and kindness.

21:32

Foundation for Life

We talk on this podcast about rebuilding a truly amazing life, and that is so doable. This is something that so many women can do.

It's just easy to get stuck in the in-between, and that's what this podcast is here, is to help you not stay stuck, not to get stuck, just to move through the process, right?

You can rebuild a beautiful, amazing life, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, all the ways you can rebuild an amazing life. But here's the truth.

If you don't like who you are, if you're not proud of who you are, you're going to be building from insecurity. And insecurity builds a really shaky life. Pride builds a stable life.

And being proud of who you are, is not the end of healing, it's actually the foundation of it, all right? I want to remind you, wherever you are in this journey, you are not behind. You are not too much.

You're not damaged goods. You are a woman who endured. And that alone is worthy of pride.

I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear what you've overcome, how you're proud of yourself. You can reach out to me.

You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media. I have an account on several different platforms, but I hang out on Facebook the most, and that's just a page, Working on Amazing.

You can drop me a line, send me a message. I truly would love to hear from you. Thank you so much for joining me today.

I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.