Acceptance : Let Them

Have you ever exhausted yourself trying to get response, realization or even sympathy out of someone… only to feel hurt, frustrated, or rejected in the end?

In this episode, we’re talking about a simple but powerful mindset shift: Let them.

Let them misunderstand you.
Let them walk away.
Let them make their choices.

And then—you choose how you respond.

For women starting over in midlife, learning to release control and embrace acceptance can be one of the most freeing steps toward healing. Today, we explore how letting go of what you can’t control creates space for peace, clarity, and a healthier, happier future.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life. Now on today's episode, we're gonna be talking about the concept, Let Them.

You may have seen this come up on your social media news feeds. It's a very popular concept. I find it very intriguing, and I find it very relevant to what we're going through in this season of our life.

This podcast is really designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. Now that could be several different things. For me, starting over looked like divorce after a 20 year marriage.

But for my sister, it looked like the sudden, unexpected death of her spouse. It could be job loss. It could be a devastating medical diagnosis.

All these things are very, very different. Yes, the common denominator is when all your hopes, all your dreams, all your plans for the future have gone up in smoke, everything just suddenly looks different.

And it does, it feels like you're starting over. And what I want to talk about today is super relevant to that. Because when it feels like you're starting over, it feels overwhelming, it feels like you're out of control.

And the concept of let them is all about letting go. So have you ever tried to get a response from somebody? Maybe you wanted them to acknowledge something that you had done, maybe it was your birthday, maybe it was an accomplishment.

Maybe you wanted them to apologize for something they had done. Maybe you were looking for a little bit of gratitude. Have you ever exhausted yourself trying to get a specific or a particular response from somebody?

Only to be left hurt, frustrated, or feeling rejected? I think we've all done this, okay? I feel like this is a very universal thing, that we really want the people in our lives to do certain things, right?

And when we don't get that, we do, we feel very frustrated, and it's exhausting. So, let them is about letting them misunderstand you. Let them walk away.

Let them make their choices. But here's where the power shifts, and then you choose how to respond.

I think for those of us who are starting over in the middle of our lives, learning to release, control, and embrace acceptance can be one of the most freeing steps towards healing. I'm serious. This is a very, very freeing concept.

So, let's explore how letting go of what you can't control creates space for peace, clarity, and a healthier future.

3:14

Defining Let Them

All right? So, what is let them? What does it really mean and what it doesn't mean?

Okay? So, the idea of let them isn't about giving up or becoming passive. It's about releasing an illusion of control.

Okay? It means that we allow people to be who they are and make their own choices without trying to manage, fix, or change them.

I feel like this is especially hard for women, especially women who are mothers, because as mothers, as we raise children, we do, we try to, we manage them.

That's our job that I feel like is part of the job description of being a mother, especially with their little, you manage them and you fix things and you work on things. And it's really hard to let go of the need to do that.

I fully empathize with that. But I also want to understand while we're letting go of the need to manage and fix and control things, it doesn't mean that we tolerate poor treatment. It doesn't mean that we abandon our own needs.

This concept is about clarity. Other people get to choose their behavior, and I get to choose my response. And there's a big difference there.

4:48

Control Leads to Exhaustion

I want to talk about why the need to get a certain outcome keeps us feeling stuck.

So when we try to control, manage, fix other people, we try to get a certain outcome, we really want them to apologize, we really want them to acknowledge something that we've done, or just the fact.

Sometimes when you're going through a hard season, you want other people to acknowledge that this is really hard. You want other people to say, I'm so sorry. You want empathy, right?

But as we try to navigate other people towards this response, it's counterproductive. That's what I want to say.

It's when we try to control the outcome, how people act, what they say, how they feel about us, we end up emotionally exhausted and frustrated. And you know that.

You know when you really want somebody to do something that they're not doing, it's exhausting. And the pattern often keeps us tied to unhealthy relationships. Think about an extreme case.

Think about a really toxic, unhealthy, romantic relationship.

When one person is trying to get the other person to, you know, acknowledge me, see my value, see my worth, and the other person isn't, you could say, wow, this is a really unhealthy dynamic. The first partner needs to let go.

The second partner isn't appreciating them, isn't being grateful. Partner A just needs to release and let go.

You can see that in other people, in other dynamics, especially when they're really extreme, like a really, really toxic, unhealthy relationship.

But the same principle applies to a lot of relationships every day, typical, normal, healthy relationships. It's not just for the extreme cases, it's for all your relationships, just to allow people to make their choice.

If somebody doesn't want to value you or respect you, let them. Let them misunderstand. Let them do.

But then you take the power back by, you get to choose your response.

So when we're trying to get the response from another person, when we're trying to get them to do what we want, we stay stuck because instead of moving forward, we're constantly in the cycle of disappointment and hoping somebody will finally change.

Letting go breaks that cycle and allows you to reclaim your energy. Now, I will say, just so there's no confusion, there is a difference between acceptance and approval, okay?

Acceptance does not mean you agree with somebody's behavior or that it didn't hurt. It simply means that you acknowledge the reality for what it is. Approval says, that's okay.

Acceptance says, it is what it is. And that distinction is powerful. When you accept reality, you make clear, grounded decisions instead of reacting out of denial or wishful thinking.

So let's say you're in a relationship and somebody forgot your birthday. You don't have to approve of that. You don't have to say, it's okay.

You don't have to pretend like it didn't hurt. It hurt. But you accept the reality for it is what it is.

And so what do you do in response to that? And you get to choose your response. You can't change the reality.

The reality is somebody forgot your birthday. Somebody said something negative or hurtful. Somebody really misunderstood you.

Something happened. You know what? You can't change them.

You can change your response. And so you're not approving of what they did. You're not saying it was okay.

You're not saying that it didn't really hurt. But you accept it as the reality. It is what it is, and I cannot change that other person.

And that's really freeing.

When we're trying to change that other person, when we're trying to get a certain response out of them, when we're trying to get them to acknowledge us, our value, see our worth, give us an apology, acknowledge that we're going through a difficult

time, when we're vying for those responses, it clouds our judgment. It zaps our emotional energy. And right now, you're probably in a season where you need all your emotional energy to get through.

Don't waste your emotional energy on trying to get responses from people that you literally have no control over.

10:17

Letting Go Protects Peace

I want to say that letting go also really protects your peace. And I am at the place in my life where protecting my peace is really important to me. I think just like everyone else, I've had a lot of things come and attack my peace, right?

I've had situations come up, emotional things, you know, this emotional rollercoaster of different relationships or different things that have happened, whether it was a romantic partner or family or friends or workplace stuff.

And I finally have gotten to a place. I don't want to ride that emotional rollercoaster. I don't want to deal with all that drama.

And when we let go, we really do protect our peace. And that has become so valuable to me. So every time you release the need to control somebody's response or what you're looking for from them, you protect your mental and emotional well-being.

When you hold on so tightly to expectations, to outcomes, to other people, it often, often, often leads to anxiety, resentment, and burnout. You know this, this resonates with you. I know it does, because it resonates with me.

Letting go doesn't mean you don't care. Please understand that. Letting go does not mean that you don't care.

It means you care about your peace enough to stop fighting battles that you can't win. It's just acknowledging reality for what it is. This person is always going to misunderstand me.

They're not going to see my value. They're not going to see my worth. You know what?

I'm going to let go. Another thing about let them as a concept that I find really beautiful and powerful is it naturally leads to stronger, healthier boundaries. And I feel like healthy boundaries is something that we often get confused over.

We hear that term a lot, it's thrown around a lot. You need healthy boundaries. Oh, you know, I'm not talking to you, healthy boundaries, things like that.

And we don't really understand the term. Most of us have not gone through, you know, counseling training or therapy training. We haven't gone through those courses and those classes.

We've just heard the term, but we really don't understand what healthy boundaries are. Let them really naturally, just by default, helps you set natural healthy boundaries.

Because when you stop trying to control other people and the outcome of what they're going to do, you start focusing on what you will and won't accept in your own life. And do remember, boundaries are not about punishing others.

They're about honoring yourself. They communicate, this is what I need to feel safe, respected, and whole. You don't say, you did that, so I'm going to do this as a way to punish them.

That's not healthy. That's not going to build an amazing life. When you let go, you truly let go, and you do what's best for you, not what's going to punish the other person that potentially hurt you, okay?

This mindset of let them helps us move forward with confidence, because when you embrace let them and letting go, you begin to trust yourself more. You're no longer waiting on someone else to change in order for your life to improve.

And I think as mothers and as women, I don't know about you, but I've spent a lot of my life waiting on other people. And I don't think they even realized it.

Waiting on my kids, waiting in the pickup line, waiting for somebody to do something, for me to do something else. I don't know if it's because I was raised in the South, and we have this very polite culture.

I don't know what it is, but I realized I've spent a lot of my life waiting on other people. Waiting for them to do this so I could do that. Waiting for them to make their decision so I could do the next thing.

When we let go of all of that, you no longer have to wait, you're letting go. And that is really freeing. You step into ownership of your choices.

Instead of saying, well, I'm waiting on them to apologize, and then I'll do this. Well, I'm waiting on them to acknowledge my worth or my value. Then I'll do that.

I'm waiting on, no, we make a choice. We step into ownership of who we are, our choices, the way we want our life to look. That is a very healing thing to do.

It's very forward-focused and growth-oriented. It's a shift that builds confidence and clarity and courage. Even when things don't go the way you hoped.

16:07

Choose Your Response

When we talk about the concept of let them, there are a few things I really hope that you hear, just little nuggets of truth. Number one, you can't control other people, but you can control your response. Number two, acceptance is not weakness.

It's actually emotional maturity. Number three, letting go creates space for healing and growth. Number four, your peace is more valuable than being understood by everybody.

And number five, you're allowed to choose yourself. And that might be really hard, especially if you're a mother. We've chose everybody over ourselves.

I think, you know, as a young woman, when I got married, of course you choose your husband over you. That's the way I was raised, you know, that's what you're supposed to do. Then you have your children, you choose your children over you.

And I think women are a little bit conditioned to always choose everyone else over themselves. And I just really want to tell you right now, you're allowed to choose yourself. It feels a little weird, I know.

It feels a little off, but it's okay. You are allowed to do that. Not all the time, not selfishly, but you can choose what's best for you.

This is a really freeing process. Let go, choose what's best for you, your peace, your mental and emotional well-being.

So next time someone does something that disappoints you, they say something they don't call, they don't make plans, or they do call and they say something rude or off, or they clearly have misunderstood or misconstrued what you said.

When somebody disappoints you, when something happens like that, I want you to pause, and just in your head, tell yourself, let them. And then the plot twist, now I get to choose what's best for me. Let them not call.

Let them say something that I interpret as rude. Let them ignore. Let them, whatever it is, let them.

It's okay. You don't have to gun for a certain response. Let them, and then you get to choose your empowerment.

Is there any place in your life right now where you're trying to control the outcome, maybe of somebody else's behavior? What would it look like if you just let them? How could choosing your response change your emotional well-being?

Think about it. Is there an area that you really want somebody to do something? You want them to acknowledge you?

You want them to see that you're hurting? You want them to apologize? You want them to whatever it is?

Play this out in your head. Play the scenario of let them just as a mental exercise. What would it look like if you let go?

What would it look like if you cut that invisible cord of gunning for a certain outcome? I really want them to acknowledge my worth and my value. I want them to see my loyalty and my love.

I want them to acknowledge my birthday. I want them to call and tell me whatever. We have certain things.

What would it be like if you cut that invisible cord of you trying to get a certain outcome? What would that actually look like? What would it feel like?

It might feel odd. It might feel different, but it also might feel freeing. It might feel lighter.

It might feel kind of amazing. Think about it. Starting over in the middle of your life really is all about letting go.

Not just of people or circumstances, but of expectations, of control, of the need for things to be different than how they are. And letting go, that's not failure, that's freedom. I would love to hear from you.

How are you learning to let go? What have you done to release the need to control situations, outcomes, people? How have you let go in your own life?

You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media. I have an account on several platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most.

So that's just a business page. It's called Working on Amazing. Send me a message.

Let me know. How are you letting go? I would absolutely love to hear from you.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.