Creating a New Normal: Finding Peace When Life Falls Apart

Starting over in the middle of life can feel disorienting, overwhelming, and deeply painful. Whether you’re navigating divorce, loss, or a major life shift, everything familiar can suddenly feel gone.

In this episode, we talk about the power of creating a new normal—not as a way to “move on,” but as a way to gently rebuild stability, peace, and purpose. You’ll learn how to intentionally shape your daily rhythm so it supports your healing, restores a sense of control, and helps you move forward with hope.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life. Now, in today's episode, we're going to be talking about creating a new normal.

Because let's be real, starting over in the middle of your life can feel disorienting, you can feel overwhelming, and deeply painful.

So whether you're navigating a divorce, a loss, a major life shift, everything familiar can suddenly feel like it's gone. So today I want to talk about the power of creating a new normal.

Not as a way to move on, but as a way to gently rebuild stability, peace, and purpose.

I want to talk about how to intentionally shape your daily rhythm so it supports your healing and restores a sense of control, and it helps you move forward with hope, all right?

1:10

Impact of Life Change

So when your life changes overnight, even the smallest things can feel unfamiliar. You didn't just lose a person or a relationship. You also lost your routines and your rhythm or your sense of normal.

And this feels uncomfortable and it feels unnatural. And this is grief, not just of people, but also of the life you knew.

I remember talking to my sister, and she said after the death of her spouse, she was at work, and she had been so used to saying, I've got to rush by the store and hurry home, because she always went home quickly to see her husband.

And it was just running through the store real quick so she could get home. And she said it again, and she realized, wait a minute, I don't have to rush, I don't have to hurry, I don't have anyone to go home to really. It's just completely different.

And it felt so disorienting. Just the idea of what I've always said and the way I've always done things, totally changed in an instant. And I remember feeling like I had these long evenings that now, how did I fill that time?

And even though I didn't lose a spouse to death, I got divorced and this person I had done life with was no longer there. I just want to say why the new normal matters is because as humans, we are wired for rhythm and predictability. Routines matter.

And chaos and uncertainty creates anxiety, but consistency creates safety. And when everything feels out of control, small structure restores stability. So I want to say creating a new normal isn't about rushing the healing process.

That is not what it's about. But it's about creating a safe place within your day to heal. All right?

And while I fully understand you didn't probably choose what you're going through right now, you didn't choose for maybe your marriage to end, or the death of a partner, or a job loss, or a medical diagnosis, you can choose what comes next.

And instead of falling into survival mode, you can be intentional. You can be nurturing, and you can be supportive to yourself. This may not be the life you would have chosen, but you can choose how to live from here.

And I feel like that's really empowering. It doesn't feel good to hear, I get it, because you really wanted life to be different. I did too.

But it is empowering that you get to choose what happens next.

4:28

Build New Routines

So how do we actually create a new normal? Well, first of all, the first thing I want to say is start small. Don't overwhelm yourself.

Don't try to rebuild your entire life at once. Focus on anchoring your day with two or three small habits, right? So you might say, I'm going to have my morning coffee in the same quiet spot.

Really simple, right? Or I'm going to take a short walk at lunch, or when I get home from work, I'm going to have a kind of set bedtime routine.

These are what, this is how I'm going to signal myself that I'm ready for bed, and I'm going to just have a really simple routine. Little things like that are going to help anchor your day, and just be consistent, but do something small.

Don't do something big. Don't overwhelm yourself. Just pick small, simple things, and just a few, two or three.

Not a lot. Something that you can do. You can drink coffee every day, right?

If you like coffee, that's easy to do. But just do it kind of the same way, and then it becomes a routine, right? I would definitely say, build gentle structure into your day, but not rigid routines, not rigid rules.

So structure should support you, not suffocate you. Okay? So think about it as a rhythm to your day, not a perfection to your day.

So it could be that you organize your day into buckets, and you say, you know what, in the morning, I'm going to be quiet and reflect and do grounding. So I might journal, or I might do stretching, or something like that.

The morning is quiet and calm, but the afternoon and the midday, that's when I'm going to be productive and take care of responsibilities.

So if I have doctor's appointments, things that have to be done, do the dishes, clean the house, run errands, that's going to be in the middle of the day. And in the evening, I'm going to wind down, and that's time for comfort.

And so if you kind of structure your day, if you could think about it like that, which obviously that day would not apply to everybody and every listener, but you could chunk it out.

But the idea in that example is that it's not rigid, it's not rules oriented, it's more rhythm based, it's more of a structure. In the morning, I'm going to do this, in the afternoon, I'm going to do this, in the evening, I'm going to do this.

And it's an idea of structure. I'm going to wind down, I'm going to be productive, I'm going to be calm, different areas of the day. Think about that as you're adding structure to a day, what is a way to set up rhythm during my day?

Now, if you have young children and you're in the mode of taking them to and from school, your day is probably very clearly structured if you have a job too.

I remember when my kids were still in school and it was after school activities and so many things. So I get that your day may have a lot of structure, and then you just got to kind of maybe couch into that.

Well, I'm going to get up and I'm going to drink my coffee and just be quiet for 10 minutes. I'm going to pray. Something simple, okay?

That's how we start to create a new normal. As we're thinking about, what do I do? Do I do coffee and prayer?

Do I do? Do I start stretching? I want you to ask yourself, what do I mean right now?

So think about it before you just, you heard somebody else is starting yoga, so you want to try yoga, or you've heard somebody else found this really helpful, so you want to think about what you need.

So ask yourself, do I need rest, or do I need movement? In different seasons of our lives, we might need different things, right? Do you need people, or do you need solitude?

I've definitely gone through seasons, and I am a people person, 100 percent. But there were times that I've needed solitude. I've needed, not for very long, but there's times I've needed quiet.

And so ask yourself, do you need to be around people? And that might very well be it. Sometimes we need other people, and we need companionship, and just that social interaction.

And sometimes we do need solitude. So ask yourself, is your structure in your day? Do I need rest or movement?

Do I need people or solitude? Or do I need distraction? Or do I need processing?

Do I need to distract myself because this is so raw and painful? I need to put my mind on something else that is 100% valid? There are times when wounds are too fresh, that you just don't want your mind to sit on them.

They just, you just can't. You've got to have a certain amount of space before you can break it down. I know that.

And then sometimes you do, you need to process it with somebody. You need to either journal it and brain dump and write it all out or talk about it. But ask yourself, is you're creating structure for your day?

What do you need right now? And your new normal should be built around your current season in life, not your past capacity. Okay?

So it doesn't matter really what you could or couldn't do in the past or how much you produced or didn't produce or where you were. As you create a new normal, it needs to reflect where you are today and what you think right now. And it can change.

It's okay.

10:55

Nourish and Adapt Routines

Another thing I would really encourage you to do as you're thinking about my new normal and you've thought about what you need right now, also add one nourishing thing each day.

So maybe something that brings you comfort, something that brings you peace, something that brings you joy even if it's small. And that might be just sitting outside in the sun. It could be listening to Christian music or your favorite podcast.

It could be journaling or prayer. It could be cooking something warm and familiar, but add something nourishing to your day. And you are worth nourishing.

If you are taking care of a child, you make sure their body is nourished, right? Nourish yourself. Add something nourishing to your day.

What's going to make you feel full and whole? And yes, when something major has happened, you're not going to feel that way right away, but take care of yourself. Nourish yourself and add that into your day.

And I also want to say, as you're coming up with a new normal, understand that your new routine is going to feel wrong. It's going to feel forced. It might feel sad.

And that's not because it's wrong, it's because it's new. Also, if you set up a routine, give yourself permission to change it. Your new normal isn't prominent.

As you heal, your needs will change. So be flexible and adaptable. It's not set in stone.

You're just trying to set up routines, to signal to yourself safety. Consistency, repeated patterns, feel safe. And that's what you're trying to do, is create a little bit of safety and comfort.

In the middle of a season, it's really stormy, okay? But it's perfectly fine to change it. And it's perfectly normal if it feels weird, all right?

13:45

Navigate Difficult Moments

I kinda wanna talk a little bit about when silence is the hardest part. So, especially after divorce or death, evenings can feel really heavy. And the weekends can feel really empty.

And traditions feel so different and painful. So, when we think about things like that and creating a new normal, create new rituals.

If you know that Friday night's in the beginning of a weekend, it's just gonna feel long and empty, if that's the place you're at, then maybe make Friday night a comfort routine.

So run a bath, pick a chick flick, make your favorite snack, and just make it a comfy kind of night, a cozy night. Get your favorite pajamas out. And then maybe you can start to look forward to your cozy night.

And remember, this doesn't have to be permanent, but for now, when there's something that feels heavy, what can you do to balance that out? Maybe have Sunday as your reset time. But the biggest takeaway is have a go-to plan for those hard moments.

If the evenings, you know, just every evening feels long and heavy, start coming up with a plan. What am I going to do? If it's the weekends, you know, the kids are there during the week, you've got school schedules and this and that.

But, you know, the weekend's hard, then come up with a go-to plan. So, instead of just dealing with that overwhelming sense of, this is horrible, I used to do this, and now I don't, come up with a plan.

Have a go-to plan in place of what you're going to do when the silence is the hardest part, when it's just so different. Think about it ahead of time. What would, what's something you can do that would be comforting, that you might look forward to?

Pick a new craft to learn, whatever it is. But be aware, this is going to be hard. Be aware, like, I know Friday nights are really hard for me.

What am I going to do? And come up with a plan, all right? I just want to say that starting over is really hard.

You are not behind. You're not doing it wrong. You're rebuilding, and rebuilding takes courage.

Your life looks different. It does, but different doesn't mean broken. It may just be the beginning of something new.

I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear about your new normal. What did you do when your life fell apart?

What was a go-to thing for you? You can find me online, www.workingonamazing.com. You can also find me on social media.

I have an account on several platforms, but I do hang out on Facebook the most, and that's just a page, Working on Amazing. Drop me a line, check me out. I would love, love, love to hear from you.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.