Never Stop Dating-Episode 12

In this episode of the Yes, Dear Podcast, Dana and Patrick dive into one of the most overlooked (and most needed) parts of marriage, dating your spouse. Whether you’ve been married a few years or a few decades, it’s easy to slip into “robot mode” and forget to intentionally pursue each other.

They get real about the rhythms, ruts, and realities of long-term love—how to stoke the fire, rekindle friendship, and keep fun, laughter, and playfulness alive. From scheduling date nights to rediscovering what makes you laugh together, this episode is equal parts truth, humor, and heart.

You’ll laugh, nod, and probably feel convicted (in a good way) as they share their own marriage lessons, why “intentional romance” matters, and what happens when work, kids, and life take over.

Topics include:

• Dating your spouse vs. going on a date
• Why friendship is the foundation of romance
• How to stay curious about each other
• What to do when work and family crowd out connection
• And why keeping the playfulness alive really matters

Real marriage. Real laughter. Real talk.

Hit subscribe, share this with a couple who needs the reminder, and remember… never stop dating.

#YesDearPodcast #MarriageMatters #RelationshipGoals #MarriedLife #CouplesWhoLaugh #DateYourSpouse #GritAndGrace #RealTalk #LoveAndLaughter

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Transcript

- Hello everyone, welcome back to the Yes Dear Podcast. My name is Dana Lyons. I'm here with my sweet spouse, Patrick, and it's Friday, so it's recording day. And today, today I thought we would talk, there's something that I've been chewing on that I thought we could talk about a little bit. And that is the importance of dating your spouse. Right? It's a good one. Because I think, right? Do you think that's a good one? You wanna talk about that today? Yeah, I think, I guess it's certainly one way to keep the romance alive. Sure. One way to maintain that we stay friends, that we prioritize ourselves. So yeah, I, I, and we've been doing it more. I'm guessing that's why it's top of mind for you. Yeah, well, it's just, you know, as we talk to friends or people or maybe clients, or it doesn't matter if there's a couple out there and you are together, let's just go more than four years. You can easily fall into the trap of, ah, we live together and go into robot mode. Right? I mean, I don't think any couples exempt. I think we all go through seasons of, holy crap, we haven't dated in a while. And if you have kids, I mean, maybe you haven't dated in years. And then once you get our age and the kids are moving out, you're like, who are you? We hear that a lot. It's just like, gosh, we haven't done anything. And go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, is this like, can I, just for clarity. So I, cause here's the thing, I'm hearing about this the first time. I'm hearing about this as our listeners hearing about this. Cause I didn't know that this is what we're talking about. It's cool. Yeah. Just for context for me, are we talking about, is there a distinction between dating your spouse and going on a date with your spouse? You know, I mean, the, I mean the, the heart, it's like dating her. It's in him, it's romancing each other. It's a, this is us time. And it's really, I mean, I guess it's on a variety of different levels, but it's, it's really how we best nurture our relationship. Okay. So let me say this phrase. I would say it's more of stoking the fire. So yeah, that's what I meant. That's what I thought you meant that we're not just talking about going on a date every chance you get. I mean, that's, that's yes, do that to stay connected, but you're talking about something broader, something, you said stoking the fire, keeping the romance alive, being intentional and rhythmic and regular about Yeah. Staying connected. Okay. And I just think it's, I mean, don't you think that that's really important? I, well, yes, obviously. I think yes, dear, I should have worked it in. I actually should have said yes, dear. As if like, that's yes. If that's the right answer, did I get it right? You miss it so often. Yes, dear. I know. It's, it is important. And it's one of those things that I think just naturally takes a backseat in the business of life, in the craziness of raising kids, in the chaos of other, you know, outside family drama or work pressures, it naturally takes a backseat. And to your point, we do take it for granted. And having been intentional, you and I, about kind of redoing that. And it's not, honestly, I can't even say it's redoing that. It's almost doing it for the first time, is what it feels like because when we got together, there were already kids in the picture. And so like, we missed that whole honeymoon, dating constantly. What's that? It's all their fault. Yes. Well, kids ruin everything. No, it's not. No, yeah, they do. Actually, that's the title of our next episode, kids ruin everything. And the only reason we haven't recorded it yet is we haven't yet aligned on whether or not we can name them. We can say their names or if we just, anyway. So, yeah, it's like now that we're doing it more, now that we're being intentional about doing it more, it's kind of like you've, I shouldn't say I won't speak for anybody else. Like I, you don't realize how much you miss it until you have it again, until you have it back and how nice it is. Like we, it's a lot of fun. Yeah. So. Yeah, I would have said we've been in, we had, I felt like we've done this before, but not, I feel like we're at an even stronger level. One, because four out of our five kids are out, but you know, they're adults and we have one that's just about to be one. So it's certainly easier. It takes intentional work. And, and you know, it's not just, because we've done this too. It's like, all right, it's date night. You know, we've set, we've set Tuesdays, you know, for us, it's Tuesdays is date night. And sometimes we try to do Fridays as well, if we could do it or a day over the weekend, just to do something to connect. And we've done this, there's a difference. You know, we've had it where we chose to do date night, right? And we go out, which is great. But I think when it lacks, 'cause I can't say it was obligation by any means, 'cause I wanted to be, you know, I think we wanted to be there, but if you're not nurturing a variety of different sides, you know, and you're just going purely like, okay, we're gonna go to dinner. You know, you just could kind of even go in a predictable mode. It's like, how do we, how do you, right? We're all about, we don't wanna just help. We're not doing this podcast just, well, because we need to be heard, 'cause that's not true. We're also not doing this because we think we have all the answers, 'cause we don't. But we're doing this 'cause we have helped others like get to their marriage and be better than they've ever been. We are better than we've ever been. And that's what it's all about. It's continually growing. So it's like, okay, when we dated and we were really into each other, which was for a very short period of time 'cause we got engaged after two months and we married 10 months later. So that whole like before we had children, one, I already had two and two, you know, we got married so fast. So our dating period was short in that regards to just kind of get lost to do whatever we wanted. But we did it to some extent. There's some of my favorite memories. I just remember we were talking about this on our, right around our anniversary. It's like, oh, I just remember when you used to put my hand. It was cold out. And I used to put my, grab my hand and keep it in your pocket to keep it warm. And like all the little things and music that I played, there's, you know, a certain song that you said, oh, this, you know, but this song or this artist reminds me of that period of time. So it was like little things like that and their fond memories. But once you settle into a routine together and it's just seems like it's, it just goes with being married almost every couple. I have yet to hear a couple of says, we've never experienced that, but it takes intentional dating and continuing to pour into the other. And it's made all the difference in the world because in one of the things that, just to share where we kind of been, it's one of the things that I noticed was like, I kind of have to grow our friendship because we're just so busy. Like I don't think we intentionally don't do that, but it was one of those like, I think when you grow your friendship, you want to be together more and you start experiencing life a little different. And we, 'cause we have just a blast together. And we're like polar opposite, you know? So like it's not like we do pickleball together and we like to go out and drink together. And we like to, like, we don't do those. We both are like, I'm mourning your night. You know, I like this kind of food. You like that kind of food. You like to do, you like the computer. I'd rather not be on it. You know, like all these different things and either one are bad or good. It's just we have totally different interests. - Yep. - And a lot of couples do. And it's one of those things unless we intentionally choose, we're screwed, you know? Because we could just go in opposite directions and be like, who are you? - Yeah. I guess I- - Oh yeah. - So here's, as I'm beginning to, just like understand what you're getting at. If I can maybe explain it this way, here's how I'm understanding. I'm thinking like go back to when we were dating, right? The day I asked you out, if I had said, okay, listen, I got a lot going on, you got a lot going on. Let's set, we're gonna have dinner every Tuesday night and then we'll try to do Friday nights if we can. And we won't, we'll kind of be around each other the rest of the week, but on those Tuesday nights we're just gonna really focus on each other. Which is what we did once we got married. But that's not how you connect with somebody through the dating process. That's not how you fall in love with somebody through the dating process. That's not how you woo somebody to marry you. Like that very rhythmic, predictable, again, that like we needed that through the busyness of, there are some people who we've heard this from couples. I don't like to, I hate scheduling date night because it takes the spontaneity out of it. It takes the dating piece out of it. Well, yes, that's, that may, there may, there's a component of that, but if it's not happening organically and you're not scheduling it, then you can go months and months, if not years, without ever spending quality time together, getting away from the madness. So I, you know, it's a, I was saying necessary evil. It's a necessary answer to the chaos, but that's not like that rhythmic Tuesday, Friday, kind of schedule that we were on for years and years is not how you woo somebody to fall in love with you. It's not how you get to know somebody to the point where you determine you want to spend the rest of your life with them. There is a, it's different. It's, it's, it's different. It's the wooing, it's the romance, it's the spontaneity, it's the playfulness of it. I want to things that I absolutely love about you and about us. And actually this is, you know what I mean, you know exactly what I'm saying. This is how I know. This is how I know that our relationship is healthy. That I, this is, you know, that when you just always like, how is she happy? Are we good? Am I, like, am I, am I blind? Am I fat, dumb and happy that, that, you know, like she, I think we're good and she's really happy. To me, the litmus test is when there's banter. That's it. When I know, I know that when there's playfulness, when there's banter, we're good. And then I can relax. And it's important because it's hard to banter from a place of anxiety or stress. So the more I relax, the more the banter happens, the more playful it gets, the more funny. So it just, it just feeds the environment and the, that playfulness and banter even more. That's, that's, I will say for us, there is way more playfulness and banter when we're dating as opposed to when we are just doing what we can to keep a rhythmic date night on the calendar. So it's, it's a subtle difference, but it's an important one, I think. - No, for sure. I think there, I think it's good just because it shows importance, right? This time is for us. So that rhythmic, it's like, it's on the calendar, but then it's like, well, what do you do with it? And I think that that's what's important. It's like, let's go try something new. Let's go like the other day, I decided to go to a different restaurant that I picked, which normally I wouldn't pick. And it's like, it would just be a little bit mysterious. - Yeah. - Yeah, spur the moment. - And I think it's, it's just as important when you're, it will like to, if we carry this forward, it's not just the creating the time, but it's also making sure that when we get together, we're not talking about work. We're not talking about the kids. We're not talking about the weather or the upcoming schedules. Like we're actually trying to get to know each other or continue to know each other. And that's one thing that I think is interesting. I'll say the more we do this, the more we do discover about each other. - For sure. - How much each of us in some ways has changed, but also how much, how much hasn't changed that we just never knew. Just I'm a little things. Like I didn't, I didn't know that about you. I didn't know this about you. You didn't know this about me. That doesn't come out. Well, I shouldn't say it doesn't. It comes out more, more fluidly, more freely when in the dating process. I can go back to, I think most people who are listening can connect to back before they got married when they were doing that dating and spending a lot of time talking to each other. And that is when we learn the most about each other. - Oh, do you remember? Like it was just like we've been on for two, three hours and oh, I don't want to hang up and I got to go to bed and the kids are going to be, oh, but I just love you. And you're away when you come in home. And then over time you get in robot mode. You're like, all right, see when you get back. - Yeah, all right. See when I see you. - Yeah, see when I see you. That's right, as my uncle would say. Yeah, it's just different. I think the difference is, it's putting each other top of mind as opposed to, 'cause I'll just speak on the woman's side, having multiple children. I mean, it takes only one, but multiple kids. You know, raising babies, having kids tug on you all day long. The last thing you want to think about is, now I got to go get dressed. 'Cause now I got to go out. I'm exhausted and please don't touch me. I've been touched all day long. People pulling on me. People eating my food. And it's that season that you're in. And I'll just go back to that. 'Cause I think that was the start of just day in, day out rut for me. That I loved with my kids, but it, on my accountability, it does take a toll. In that top of mind, I'm chasing five, depending on the seat, five kids around. We're just adding to it. And I'm trying to keep up with their schedule. And I got to get dinner on like all those things. And then you come home and it goes from, oh, you're my number one and we're getting married. So we plan this wonderful wedding. You know, dating was fun. And a lot of couples do that. And then when you get into the rut for the wife, it's so common and we don't mean it. But for the wife, it could go kids first. And then the husband goes from, oh, you have been my, my groom that I just adorn. I can't wait to see you. I get all pretty for you to like, dude, get in line and you go to the back. And you go to the back simply because I think often it's like, you know how to take care of yourself. Like, you know, I don't have to, thankfully I don't have to wipe your butt and you know, like take you to the bathroom and feed you and all those things. - Not for a few more years anyway. - I'm going to enjoy it while this season lasts. But you know, it's, and so that's an area where I didn't show it very well. And I think it's very common to women that we lose that, man, Dane, you got to stoke the fire and you got to, it takes, it takes work. And it, and you know what? It's hard when marriage sucks and it's hard to make it good. So why not just work hard to make it good? And I've learned that now. So hopefully somebody's watching and they're younger than us and can start stoking that fire and nurturing. It's like, you got to fan the flame or it just stays a small flicker. And maybe it doesn't go out, but you know. - I would, yes to all of that. I really think it's very similar from the husband's perspective. Obviously the, you know, it may not be the kids tugging at you all day long. It might be work. It might be career. It might be the, might be the pressures of providing. It might be, you know, it might be the guys. There's all kinds of things. But I, and I think this is relevant to the topic of dating. It's really to the husband. I'm talking, I'm talking to the men out there. How did you convince this woman to want to spend the rest of her life with you? Right? It wasn't by making her the second or third or fifth or 10th priority. It was by making her the number one priority. And you know, I mean, like we like to be so macho, but there is, yeah, I mean, that, again, I keep using the word wooing, that wooing that, that, that, you know, that fake macho masculinity kind of like, ah, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be the prince charming kind of thing. I'm gonna ride to the, like there's, that's, that, that's how you want. I want you to do that. Do you ride in on the white horse without a shirt on? I don't. Well, maybe keep your, well, keep your shirt on. (laughing) I wasn't sure if you were gonna go for the horse or the shirt. I figured it was one of them, but that's fair. It's fair. You are all humor. I can see it now. It's fair. It's fair. Okay. So keeping the shirt on, noted. But there was something like, I mean, again, like being at work, being at work and not being able to get you off my mind or being involved with the guys and not being able to get, and thinking about, you know, why can't we to call you later? It's in that dating, it's not dating period. It's a dating mentality, I think. That's maybe that's where I'm like finally coming full circle, right? No, that's what I'm talking about. In that dating mentality, it's, gosh, you never would have married me if you felt like I was distracted with so many other things. You know, you would have said, "Hey, he's a really nice guy," but you know, it's just like, he's really busy. He just, it's the fact that I made you feel like you were a priority, like number one. Front and center, yeah. Front and center, that's how I won you over. And then to then stop doing that because, "Hey, okay, check that box. Now I can let my guard down." And you know, there's a reason why so many spouses are lonely, right? They're sad, they feel distant because man, and they long for that period where they were the priority. And so it's all that to say, man, we're just as guilty of it. And we will always have reasons, always have excuses, always have distractions. Those same distractions existed back then. I mean, they did. It really was just a mindset that you're my number one. Like I wanna win you over. I wanna pour into you. I wanna be with you again. Like, and gosh, I can't get this woman off my mind. That's just a mindset shift. So the thought of like, well, we don't have time for that or we're just not in that same place. We're older and I don't know, the romance has got, it's a mindset shift. I believe you can get all of that back just by how you view the person at the other end of the relationship. Like is this somebody you wanna pursue? Somebody wants-- - Well, the truth is if we don't, somebody else will. - That is the cold reality of a lonely spouse. - It's the hard truth, somebody else will. And are you okay with that? - Yeah. - And there's some, I mean, I don't wanna minimize the excuses that we, 'cause it's really raising kids, it's a lot and it's hard for the man, or I should say the man, there's some stay-at-home dads and women go out to work. So I don't mean it that way. But providing for and working and raising kids, all of that takes time and energy and we're spent on some days. But truth is ladies, if we don't, somebody else will. And waiting until the kids are grown is never a good enough excuse because that's so much time loss. And then a need is still in need, right? We have this need and we're built for intimacy. And I recently said to somebody, not to a gentleman about him with his significant other, not for nothing, you're not that good in bed and you're not making that much money that somebody else won't fulfill what you need you to be doing. And it's the reality. It's like, you guys get each other. We get to do this with each other and that's, it's an honor, but we just often forget it. I, and I want to reiterate what you said earlier. Like we have certainly worked with couples where the breadwinner wasn't always the man, it wasn't always the woman and the person who stayed at home. It doesn't really, you as a couple, you get to decide, you get to determine what are the roles, how are we together going to do everything that we together need to do? Like however you divide it up, that's awesome. And it really doesn't matter who is the one, whether it's the wife or the husband who is immersed in career and distracted to the point where there's a lonely spouse at home. Doesn't matter if that lonely spouse is a wife or a husband, it is exactly what you're saying. That's what we have seen for at this point now, decades, that good people fall all the time because they're lonely, they're sad, and it doesn't make it right, doesn't excuse it. It's just, you said, just because my need for intimacy isn't being fulfilled in this relationship doesn't mean it goes away. We are wired for that. And it never, I shouldn't say never, very often it doesn't start intentionally. It's just, hey, I'm not in a good place. And somebody innocently says, hey, how are you? And I'm like, yeah, I'm okay. And it, right? Somebody just tries to be a friend. And, but that's what happens. Those friendly conversations suddenly remind us of the dating that we used to do all those years ago with our spouse before, I mean, we were wired to want that. And that's the danger of if I'm not dating you, somebody else, it may start innocently. It, like, that's, it is my job and it's my honor to get to date you. Nobody else gets to as long as I do much. As long as I do my job. So, and it's the payoff is awesome. - Yeah, it's been fun. - Yeah, it's been good. - Yeah. All right, so quick question on that. - Yeah. - This is just hitting me, 'cause we work with, you know, family run, family owned businesses, right? A lot, some are husband and wife, others, the relatives, but let's just take the husband and wife. Anything you would say to them in particular because they, he, they're not going off to different jobs or she's not home or he's not home and one goes off. They're like in it for those who are in it together. Maybe they work together. What do you say to those couples? Do you have any, like, any advice? - Yeah, the challenge for, and we've seen this. We, as you said, we've, we've, even right now, we're currently working with couples who also run businesses and the challenge together, they run business, the same businesses together. And the challenge is knowing when you're at work and when you're, when you're dating, right? I think that's, and frankly, that's something that we're, if we're not careful about, like we, we can, on our date night, you know, or out to dinner, it's, and it happens so naturally. It just slips right into, oh, and this, let me, let me tell you about this. And that's, but that's not really dating. Then it becomes like a work meeting. Comes a business, it's a business meeting. Intimacy, there's really not a whole lot of intimacy in talking about a business problem or, you know, I mean, I can't, I don't want to say there's no intimacy 'cause maybe together we brainstorm and, you know, solve massive problems. That's great, but real intimacy. - Would you, would you, oh, sorry, go ahead. - No, to me, real intimacy comes from, knowing each other as, as people, as a couple, not as business owners. So the challenge to answer your question is, having good boundaries. - Yeah. - To know when we're on the clock and when we're not. Because otherwise it just feels like you're always at work. And that's, you know, if that's the case, that'll just be another reason why you don't have time to date. And what have we seen when, when that happens in those couples who own businesses together where one or the other has a hard time not talking about work. The other spouse begins to build resentment. We've seen this, they begin to build resentment toward the business because whenever they're alone, it feels like the business is the affair, right? The business is the third party that my spouse can't stop focusing on or talking about. And I'm invisible. Like, and I'm more than just your business partner. I'm your spouse. Like I'm, I'm the one, again, I want to be dated. I want to be romance. I want to be, I want to be, I want to be priority. - So I'm curious, what, what do you recommend for that? Something as simple as, hey, can I ask you something about work or would you like prefer me to wait till Monday? Or it, it, some of them, we've had some really good conversations, you know, that have come out of that. And it could be that you're just spent in like, you don't even mind talking about work, but it's Friday and I'm like, I'm done. Let's just talk about that on Monday. And it's not something to get so take personal. It's just like, when work is done, it's done. Like what would you say? - We've talked before in this space and in other spaces about how, so often frustrations grow out of unmet expectations. And so I, I don't know that I would say, here's what every couple should do or here's what every couple shouldn't do. What, what I would bring it back to is talk about it. You as a couple need to express, or as an individual in your relationship need to express what you need from your spouse. And if that means, hey, and it can be as simple as, hey, all right, here's the rule. When we go out tonight, we're not talking about business. We're not talking about the kids. We're not talking about business. And then hold each other, hold yourself accountable first. And when it happened, because I mean, you and I, again, we've, we have literally had that exact conversation about, okay, we're gonna go out. We're not gonna talk about business. And then before it just comes up, it's not about getting pissed. It's not about going, oh, you know what? I knew that was gonna happen. It's like, hold on a second. No, that's like, hold that till Monday. Like it can be, it's, we all make mistakes. It's giving grace, but it's also holding myself and us to the, to the commitment that we made earlier. So it's, my advice would be talk about it and make sure that you are honoring what your spouse is asking for. If your spouse is saying, I, you know, I really don't want, can we, can we just date tonight? Can we not be business owners? Can we go back to the days when we owned nothing and we owned nothing but lots and lots of debt or whatever. So I don't know, what would you say? - No, I don't disagree with you at all. I think every couple is different. I think you have to have the conversation about it. Agree with the 100% there. So I don't know why you have anything else that I would really add to that. It's just, I think the issue is most couples don't have the conversation, you know, right? So then you end up in this argument, you're like, ah, you always talk about work or you always talk about the kids. We always talk about our kids. They're entertaining. I mean, we have funny kids. I love talking about the kids, right? I mean, they're funny, hysterically funny. So that's probably the harder one. It's easier to go, let's talk about work. Because to me, I can separate it, but my kids are my thing. So it's just, they're funny. - But to your point, that's part of the conversation between you and your spouse. Work may not be the topic that you don't want to talk about when you're out, right? It may be, hey, can we not talk about the kids tonight? Like, 'cause let's just focus on us. Because that may be what your partner needs. That may be what your spouse needs in order to feel like number one. That's, that's, so I don't care whatever the topic, whether it's work, whether it's, I mean, it could be, you know, you know how much when you and I get together, how much I love to tell you all about my fantasy football team, right? That might be, what were we gonna say? - Oh, sorry, I was sleeping. (laughing) Just kidding. - So, you know, you know how fun that is for me. But that may not be the topic that you want to hear about when, it's not that those topics are bad. I think when they become, it's not good or bad, but where those topics begin to impact the intimacy in the relationship is when we're missing the opportunity to talk about each other and to talk about our relationship and talk about our needs and our wants and our desires and how we're changing and where we wanna go next. And like, so it's not, I think that it's not to say, okay, hard and fast rule, you can't talk about work, can't talk about the kids, can't talk about my fantasy football team, 'cause I'm gonna, but it can't be at the expense, it can't be all we talk about, can't be at the expense of the most important thing, which for me in those moments has to be you. Yeah. Well, speaking of fantasy, does anybody else's spouse listen to their spouse about fantasy league all the time? (laughing) Do you count down to the end of the season and go, okay, and then it gears up, my girls go, but we go go sports. But you're speaking for other spouses because you really do take an interest, right? Of course I do, come on. You meant to see. Yes, dear. Yes, dear, see, I got it. I'm just, I'm playing with you. I do ask, I do take interest actually. Yeah. Yeah, especially when you beat Jake. I'm actually playing Jake this week. I know, so Jake, if you're listening, good luck. Yeah. But speaking, last week I asked you a question from the last episode, I asked you, if you got to trade, the controversial trade that I asked you and you said the jets, they're a big disappointment. I did with our social media guy told us to do. Chris told us, I had to get a TikTok, right? I don't get on TikTok, but we have to put stuff on TikTok. We're just doing what social media is. Our bosses tell us to do. And so we did that. And I forgot to tell you this, I just have an update for you because, okay, I don't know how to use TikTok very well. Did the New York jets respond? No, they're-- That would have been pretty awesome. Wouldn't that have? No. See, once again, how do you, I don't know how to, okay. Somebody said, I'm gonna read these to you. Here's Johnny says, as a Patriot fan, I'd also pick the jets and sign Woody Johnson to eternal deal, which gives him everlasting life. Yeah. See, that's because he agrees with me. He agrees with me that Woody Johnson is a horrible owner. He might be a good person and a good businessman, but he's a terrible owner. And that's why he wants to keep the jets bad. That's so, he was not agreeing with me for good reasons. No, I hear that. And then I had somebody, Cole Houston, said chiefs, and he's gonna trade Andy Reed and Mahomes to the Titans for a sixth and seventh round. Six, seven. Yeah. Wow, that's interesting. So, yeah. So those were the two guys who kind of commented on that. So I'm curious if you guys wanna drop it in the comment section, tell us what your trade would be. Yeah. I have a question for you this week. Okay. I have a couple. Well, what is one thing you will never do again? One thing I'll never do again. Well, I have one thing in mind, but I won't say that one. I'll have to say another one. But now I'm struggling to come up with one. One thing I'll never do again, get divorced. Oh, all right. You mean I can let my guard down? No. That's what I heard. To date me. Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's, yeah. That's a good answer. I'll never cook spinach again. Oh, wow. My mom used to make us do that. She was like... It was that bad, huh? It used to get, oh, it's disgusting. It's gross. Your mom or the spinach? Oh, I love my mom. Okay. For me, I would have answered that question, bungee jump. That's pretty clear. When I saw that question, I was like, that's, yeah. Oh. Yeah, I did that one time and they're still cleaning. They're still cleaning the poop out of whatever diaper they put me in when I jumped. That was not pleasant. Gross. It was not, God never do that. Well, I went parasailing and I went up with your dad and I would never do that again. 'Cause of my dad or because of the parasailing? It's all your dad. No. No, I thought I was gonna fall right out of the sling they kind of put you in. It's, oh, heck no. Over the ocean. Nope. There you go. Okay. All right, you got a question? Yeah, okay. Um, let's see. Do you have any cleanliness pet peeves? 'Cause we know you don't have any pet peeves. I do actually. I can't stand crumbs in the butter. Oh yeah, you're right. I can't stand peanut butter in the jelly or jelly in the peanut butter. Like these are things, they're in separate jars for a damn reason. Like let's keep it that way. (clears throat) That's what immediately comes to mind. I don't know. As you know me, do I have, what other cleanliness pet peeves would you say I have? Oh, I don't know. I mean, you have a lot of pet peeves. We joke about that. Now why would you lie to people? No. Children, actually I said to Danny, look, I'm gonna talk about this on the podcast because I brought it up. Danny said she's got a list. It's called Dirt on Dad. Remember that? I do. We have to have her on the show sometime. No, we don't. She'll remind, she's got all the pet peeves written down. She'll never be on the show. It's on page 89. 89? Yeah, there's a lot of dirt on you. Dang. Do you know that? (laughing) She'll never be on this show, not while I'm alive. All right, how about you? What are your cleanliness pet peeves? And actually this feels like a trap. This feels like a trap. Like you're now going to say all the things that you want me to do more of or like, oh, you know. No, I can't say. I can't say I have a lot of those necessarily for you. Well, my biggest pet peeve is not cleaning, but my biggest, one of my biggest pet peeves for you is you were never taught how to stack things in the fridge. And so you'll put a gigantic like pot on top of like a bag of grapes. And you're like, how did he think that was good? And then you open the fridge and everything falls out. And you're like, what? And I've caught you. Remember, all lives, do your spouses do this or maybe husbands where the fridge is full. They can't figure out where it goes. And then you catch them looking at you like, is she looking? And then it's like, throw it and shut the door. That's actually, that's- I wanna know who else has to do with that. I hate that that's true. I will put something away. It's not a conscious thought. I will like, I'm like, all right, hey, this needs to go in there somewhere. There's another, I can, and I, you know, you gradually release whatever it is that you're holding and make sure that it's somewhat stable. And you close the door and I do. It's, I immediately look for you. Like, did you see that? Did you? And if you're catching my eye, we both laugh. I disagree with you. We're all, you open up the freezer and everything falls out. And like, Patrick. See, I think that's, it's a surprise. It's like, surprise, like it makes you think of me, right? Like, see, I think that's romantic. I don't think I was never taught how to stack things. I think I'm just better at balancing things than you are. And I'm like, you know, it is, it takes talent to balance a pot on a bag of grapes. Just saying. All right. I think this, I think it's a talent. Or like this tiny little thing of like, I don't know, salsa and you've got these containers. You're like, are you supposed to find anything? So, and that's where I go, I choose love right now. No, to be in all honesty, one of my biggest, I don't know if it's a pet pee, but it's the thing that grosses me out is when, you know, back in the day when he was like a bar soap, which you still do, but, and you know, when it just sits and it's like wet and disgusting, it's like, oh, that just grosses me out. I don't like that. Some of it's a pet peeve, but. - Soap gets mushy and melty. - Ooh. - Good to know. - It's like, I'm going to start stacking mushy soap in the fridge. - Yeah. Well, all right, ask me another question. - We'll do one more. How's that? - Okay. - Let's see. There you go. To what extent do you think people can change? Whatever change, whatever, whatever extent they want to change. I think the sky's the limit for anybody. I wouldn't have said that probably until I experienced it myself. I would have been like, they're, they'll never change. And then I changed. And if I could change, I think anybody could change 'cause I don't know. I think it's a matter of do you want to, and if you want to, there are plenty of, there's plenty of support, help, and options out there for you to do the thing. - Yep. Yeah, I feel like you took my answer. I often, 'cause this comes up in coaching quite a bit. And I always tell anybody that I'm working with, I don't really want to spend a whole lot of time talking about what you should be doing. I want to know what do you want to do because it's always great when what you should do aligns with what you want to do. That's great. But when they don't, why waste time? The only thing that you ever, the only thing any of us ever does is what we want to do. And you may say, well, no, I do things because I, you know, I have no choice. My spouse makes me or my job makes me. Well, no, you're still, you still want to because if you didn't, you wouldn't. I mean, there are plenty of things that other people want you to do that you just choose not to. And so, so there's a difference though between wanting something and wanting to want something. And I, you know, there are plenty of things that I want to want, but I don't want enough. And here's how this kind of answers the question. I would say to anybody, to you, to me, to anybody listening, you think about everything in your life that you have ever wanted, like I want that, I'm making that happen, I'm doing that. You get to that level of conviction and you may not be batting a thousand, but I guarantee you're batting pretty darn high, right? So the extent to which I think people can change, if you wanted, there is very little. Again, it may not be batting a thousand, but you're gonna hit a whole lot of, you're gonna hit a whole lot of those targets. - Yeah, and I actually even think, 'cause I've done this in my life too, is like with things that like I need to, but I think there's like, there's a freedom when you just go, yeah, I don't want to, like making the choice. 'Cause I think we've always feel like we have to say, yeah, I want to, 'cause we think everybody else wants us to say I want to, but you really don't want to. So it's like, just say you don't want to, 'cause then it's okay, but then at least you know. - That, yeah. That to me is the world of should. - 'Cause then there's that internal battle. - That's the should, like, well, yeah, I want to, because I feel like I should or somebody's told me that I should, I don't, that's, and you know what that does, then because I really don't want to it, I'm probably not gonna be successful in getting it, but that somehow reinforces that I wasn't able to change. No, it had nothing to do with, you didn't change because you didn't want to. Not because you tried really, really hard with all you got and weren't successful. It's like, it was probably not something you should have been shooting for in the first place. - Yeah, tell people what you say about should all the time. - Ah, it's one of my favorite sayings, don't should all over yourself. 'Cause should is a shaming word. Even when you say it like, yeah, I should lose weight. I should be a better husband. I should be a better son, a better daughter. What, it's, when you say it, you can just feel the, oh, you know, and your shoulders slump and you do it. It's such a, I, you rarely see real growth and like, coming from that place. That's to me, that just keeps you buried in old ways. So it's like, to your point, rather than say I should lose weight, you know what, I'll lose weight when I want to. And right now I'm not ready and I'm gonna just stay in that place and I'm okay with it. - Yeah. - Oh. - You know, which is what really what we say inside, that is what we really do say when, even though we're like, I should really, that battle inside is like, tell me what I have to do. I'll do it when I'm dang ready. - That's right. - That's right. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So. - Anyway. - Well, thanks for talking to me today. - Hey, thanks for, thanks for having me on your show. - Yeah. - That was a good date. - Okay. - Romance me, baby. - All right. Is that what you make all your guests do? - Well, seeing how you're my only guest. - Yes. - I get to. - I like it. - Awesome. - All right. - Anyway. - All right, I'm in. - All right, everybody. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time. Have a great weekend. Hey, like and share. Share this with somebody that could use the encouragement or the laughter. So. - I will. - Thanks for, thanks for listening.