CryBaby Tiers: Every Final Destination Death

There's no escaping this inevitable Final Destination Episode! Join CryBaby as they rank all of the deaths in the Final Destination Franchise, INCLUDING the newly released Final Destination Bloodlines. You can make your own tier list here! Hop in on the fun...don't be scared. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 6:55 Final Destination
• 15:07 Final Destination 2
• 23:46 Final Destination 3
• 31:37 The Final Destination
• 37:58 Final Destination 5
• 45:07 Final Destination Bloodlines

Transcript

0:00

What is your book of Well, hanging out with your Smartest and Funniest Friend. You know me, I'll kill anybody, but.

Whorror Icon Podcast: 0:20

Hey Cuties, and welcome to Horror Icon, your queer playground for all things scary, sexy, and stupid. I'm crybaby the spooky slut from your Wettest Nightmares. And today we are doing something new. We're doing something new, baby. Um, sorry. I'm excited. Today we're going to be doing a tear list. We're ranking the deaths from all of the final destination movies but before we start, if you're watching this video, you may notice that I look a little different. Yep. I am out of drag You know, I'm in my masculine presenting them both form. And, if you're listening, no I'm not. If you're listening, I'm painted for the gods and I'm cinched. And I'm slutty. And I'm cty. And,. Am so stupid. Sorry. no, Here's the tea. I'm gonna keep it 100 with you. Pulling back the curtain. It's what I do. For the past two months now, uh, mama has been dealing with some chronic pain, unfortunately, and, as it turns out, it has made it quite difficult for me to get into drag and to perform and to do gigs and stuff like that. everything's fine. Like, it's not like a terminal grave situation or anything like that. Uh, it just, it just fucking hurts. It hurts like a bitch. you know, It limits my mobility a bit it exhausts me. It takes a lot out of me to deal with pain all the time. Um, but all in all, I am staying optimistic. I am starting physical therapy this week and I have no doubts that I will be back to my regularly scheduled slutty cross-dressing shenanigans in like no time. but I figured I might as well use this as an opportunity to try something new, right? I've been wanting to do a tier list for quite some time So let's try something new while I wait to heal. and I'm actually, I'm very excited for this.'cause this is, it's a celebration the new final destination's bloodlines just came out this weekend, which I. Finally, Final destination has been one of my favorite franchises ever since I was a kid. There's just something about this, the premise of it and the execution, the execution of it all that just like, I really enjoy. And it's been 14 years since we last got a final destination movie and I really liked that one. So I've been like, on the edge of my seat, just hungry for a new final destination movie. And it's finally here. So we're celebrating. So with that said, we are gonna be talking about all of the death scenes. from every final destination movie, from the first one to and through bloodlines. So. Spoiler warning, baby,, I, I don't want anyone coming at me in the comments, i'm telling you right now, big old spoilers ahead. Okay? If you haven't seen bloodlines, do yourself a favor. Be gone. Get outta here. Go grab your friends. Watch it. It's a fun theater experience. Highly encouraged seeing it in theaters It's, it's such a fun time. let's talk about like what final destination is. Now I'm sure a lot of, you know, like if you're a horror fan, you know, a final destination is, but surprisingly, I have a lot of viewers and listeners that don't watch horror movies, which thank you, thank you, thank you for being here. I hope that being here helps make horror more. Palatable and accessible for you because it is a really fun genre. So, yes, for those of my friends who aren't familiar with Final Destination, you have like your, your group of people, your ensemble, and then your protagonist has a vision. They have a premonition, about a disaster or an accident that is about to happen and fucking kill everybody. they end up freaking the fuck out convincing a handful of people to leave with them. Right before the accident happens cheating death, so to speak. But then death comes after them all one by one and kills them in the order that they would have died in the accident. So that's in a nutshell what final destination is. what we're gonna do is we're gonna go through each movie and we're gonna talk about all of those death scenes, including the premonitions. And we're going to rank them now? what am I thinking about when I'm ranking these death scenes? There's a couple of things. First off, I'm just thinking about personal impact. Um, I think it's kind of an obvious one. Did this traumatize me? Is it something that I'm already afraid of? Is it something that I am now afraid of because I saw this movie? There's also creativity. I mean, we talked about this. I'm like, Tiffany Valentine, I fucking love a creative kill. And I love it even more if there's a sense of irony behind it. Like, ugh, that gets me off. So that's gonna be a factor. along with that, I'm, this may or may not carry a lot of weight, depending. I'm gonna be upfront with you right here on this, but I am gonna think about like how good it looks Do the effects look like shit or do they take me out of it? And then ultimately how much did I enjoy this death scene? Is it something that I had a good time watching? Let's look at our tier lists. Uh, there's gonna be five tiers and our top tier are S tier. The lead tier is gonna be trauma. Mama, Am I traumatized? Well, yes. This is like our legendary, iconic fucking death scenes or the ones that just stuck with me. Next up, we have, I look pretty good for a dead bitch, and these are the ones that I can really appreciate and I, I did enjoy. Maybe they're not quite legendary status, but they still deserve their flowers. our mid-tier we have, girl, you tried it it's there. Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. Not tonight is our second to last one. Those are just the me. Uh, could have been better. This bottom tier is gonna be for the ones that I actively do not like. And there are quite a few that I actively do not like. And this final tier is called, fuck the Big Picture, Clint.

ScreenRecording_05-20-2025 08-39-08_1: 6:44

Fuck the big picture, Clint.

Whorror Icon Podcast: 6:46

So those are our five tiers. Trauma. Mama, I look pretty good for a dead bitch, girl, you tried it. Not tonight. And fuck the big picture, Clint. So without further ado, let's just jump right on in. And we're gonna start with the first final destination film. The first premonition, the premonition to kick off this whole Shenanigans Flight 180. This one's great. I personally don't have a fear of flying, but I know a lot of people out there do have a fear of flying. And the way this is shot is quite visceral, intense with the turbulence and the screaming and the milk duds, rolling back and forth on the fucking airplane and the, the wing blowing out. Watching Alex Browning's skin get all crispy and stuff. Ugh. It's, it's naty. It's great, it's epic. And for pure respect and just for kicking it all off, it's going in trauma. Mama. It's a great premonition, it's actually quite wonderful, quite scary. And again, it's, it's the og so we gotta respect it. Next up we have Todd Wagner. our first victim to death's design. Poor baby Todd. So this sequence, I like this a lot. Uh, it's a bathroom sequence. Todd's alone in the bathroom. He's getting ready for bed or whatever. And, it's a lot of misdirect'cause we have water on the floor that's moving towards him. he's shaving and there's a razor and there's scissors and there's the boombox that's plugged in., Is he gonna electrocute himself? Is is he gonna accidentally slit his throat open, like what's gonna happen? And it's like, no, none of that. He's gonna slip in the water, he's gonna get caught in the fucking clothes line that's hanging in the shower. It's gonna wrap around his neck and he's gonna get hanged. It's, for me, it's impactful. I hear a lot of people talk about this one as if it's mid, as if it's like, it's not good. And I'm like, mama, this is it's, it's quite a good scene. I love the way it's shot, the cinematography. Oh, it's very uncomfortable. Watching him struggle in the bathtub slipping and sliding all over the place his eyes get like bloodshot and it's just, it's good. Even if there are just like a couple of goofy moments with how it wraps around his neck, I don't care. So Todd's going and I look pretty good for a dead bitch. This is the first one to kick it off. It's good, it's uncomfortable. It gives us a great idea of how death is going to be working and what the rules are like in the final destination universe. uh, Rest in peace. Todd. Terry, Cheney. Ugh. Terry. Sweet baby. Terry, this one's great. this is almost the exact opposite of what we get with Todd. So with Terry, they're on like the side of a road. They all bump into each other somehow her boyfriend and Alex are fighting and she's over it. She's, she's had enough so she's backing away from them into the street and she's yelling at her boyfriend and she's just like, if you wanna spend the rest of your life beating the shit out of Alex, then you can just drop fucking dead boom, she gets fucking splattered by a bus. Dude, it's out of nowhere. Very jump scare, It's great. I fucking love this. This is probably the only vehicle kill that I will put in trauma Mama.'cause it's going up in trauma. Mama.'Cause it's the first time we saw it and it was. Completely different than what we had already seen in this movie. And it's just so entertaining it's the kind of kill that like when it happens, you jump and then you immediately start giggling and you just need a few minutes to calm down. And fun fact, the directors inserted an extended shot of Alka Seltzer in a glass to calm the audience down after this kill. So, that has to go on Trauma, mama, right? poor Terry. Next up we have Valerie Lewton. before we get into Valerie's. Actual death scene. We're gonna do a little bit of horror trivia. We're gonna do some history here. In case you haven't noticed, a lot of characters in the final destination universe have names that are like nods to horror icons or legends in horror past, Terry Cheney, Lon Cheney. Uh, we have, Billy Hitchcock, and then Valerie Lewton is named after Val Lewton, who produced Cat People. Cat people, for those of you who don't know, is one of the first, if not the first, jump scare that we ever get in, in horror movies. it's a really wonderful sequence there's a lot of tension. Your protagonist is walking down the street and she thinks she's being pursued. And it's like this frenetic cutting back and forth. And then this tension is cut with a bust, just barreling in a frame, making this blaring loud sound. That kind of jump scare is called the Lewton Bus. That's what it's known as. So it is a little bit of a missed opportunity that Valerie Lewton didn't get splattered by the bus. Like I think that would've been really poetic and fun. But, she still gets a fucking good death scene too. I'm just gonna, while I talk, I'm putting her in trauma. Mama. This is probably my favorite one from this movie, from the first final destination Hers is extra as fuck, death kills her the way I would kill a spider in my room. Like it's overkill, dude. First off, she's traumatized she lost all of her students. She lost her colleagues. She's just mama's going through it. She's drinking tea from a mug. she freaks out. She dumps the hot tea out of the cup, immediately pours cold vodka in. So the cup cracks, and then vodka is leaking everywhere, leaving like a little trail, and then it goes into the computer. The computer explodes. It goes into her jugular. She's bleeding everywhere. The vodka catches on fire. It goes into the kitchen that explodes. A knife falls into her chest, a chair falls on the knife, and then the house explodes. Like this is the most extra I mean, honestly, justice for Val, I feel so bad for her'cause she, ooh, mama went through it. But it is traumatizing it. If you, you watch it, if there's any death scene. From the first movie that you're gonna watch, you need to watch Valerie Lewtons'cause it's the most poor baby. All right, next we have Billy Hitchcock, played by Sean Williams. Scott Stiffler, and just point of order this character Billy Hitchcock is a fucking loser I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like insensitive or anything, but it's really weird to see Stiffler playing a loser, I digress. This sequence is on the side of a train track. right before this moment, one of the character's cars got smashed by a train. He didn't die. He got saved by Alex. And right after that happened, the train's going by and Billy's just fucking screaming at everybody losing his shit. Before we know it, a piece of scrap metal from the car shoots out. And it not even a full D cap, it's a half dec cap. Billy Hitchcock doesn't have the honor of getting fully decapitated. It cuts right through the fucking half of his head. It's gross. It's so cool. So I'm gonna have to put this in. I look pretty good for a dead bitch.'cause this is also. When we learn a little bit more about how death operates in these movies, we already know that death is gonna kill them in the order that they should have died. But now we learn that when somebody gets saved they get skipped and death moves on to the next person. this is a learning moment for all of us. Last but not least, we have Carter Horton. his happens at the very end of the movie. We have Alex, Carter and Clear, they're the three that survived the events of the movie from the original group, and now they're in Paris and they're drinking wine, and they're just like, Ugh, we're alive. This is wonderful. But Alex is still fucking paranoid as he should be because he knows he's next. there ends up being this whole sequence of events. On the streets of Paris that caused this giant sign to almost crush Alex. But Carter intervenes and saves him. right before we cut to credits, we see Carter standing there and he's just like, okay, I saved you. Well, who's next? And we see the sign swinging up behind him and the screen cuts to black. So it is technically offscreen. I'm not the biggest fan of Offscreen Kills, but I do think it's a fun button for the movie.'cause that right there lets us know that once death makes its way through the list, it's gonna cycle back around and keep trying. I'll give it points for that, but not much beyond that. I'm gonna put it on not tonight'cause it's not super special, but it's not like awful. I don't hate it, but I don't love it. So it's just gonna be meh. It's gonna be right there. Now we're moving on to final Destination two, the sequel. First up we have Alex Browning. Yes. Alex Browning dies. No, he doesn't die in the sequel. He dies in between. So because of that, I'm already gonna put it in Fuck the big picture, Clint, because killing off your lead between movies is a huge disservice. I understand scheduling didn't allow for it, so they had to find a way to kill him off, whatever. But then it turns out that the way he dies, we see this in a newspaper clipping, is from a fucking falling brick. How lame is that? How lame is that? This isn't pride.

15:45

And people were killed. They were, nobody was killed at Stonewall. Nobody was killed. Nobody was killed at Stonewall.

Whorror Icon Podcast: 15:49

Yeah. automatically killing off the protagonist in such a lame way. Fuck the big picture, Clint. Route 23. This is the car pile up. So this is the premonition. This is the big inciting incident of this movie and automatically trauma. Mama. I can't name a single person in my generation that does not switch lanes if they are driving behind a logging truck. And that alone probably tells you everything you need to know about how this this pile up scene works. there's a big logging truck. Logs fall in fucking chaos ensues, car accidents galore. This is probably of all of like the big premonition disasters. This one, I think is the most accessible. a lot of people drive. when I moved to New York, the biggest thing that I was excited about was not having to drive again I was stressed every single time I was on the road because of that shit. So the Route 23 premonition pile up. Absolutely Trauma. Mama. Evan Lewis. this is, this is a fun sequence. It's very playful. He is in his apartment, his stove catches on fire, his hand gets stuck in the garbage disposal, which is terribly nerve wracking. there's lots of stuff that we're led to be wary of. But none of that ends up being what takes him out he ends up escaping the apartment, going down the fire escape. lands on the sidewalk, and he's like, Ooh, okay, I'm safe. Slips on some spaghetti that he threw out the window earlier, falls on his back, and then the fire escape ladder drops down and impales him in the eye. It's fun. It is it like groundbreaking? No, but is it a serviceable final destination death scene? Yeah. So I'll probably, I'm gonna put this in, girl. You tried it for now. We'll see. This is, I might rearrange some of these at the end. We'll find out. Tim Carpenter. I'm just gonna straight up say it right now. This is, I have two favorite kills in this movie and this is one of them. So I'll explain it as I bring Tim up to trauma. Mama Tim is an ambiguously aged kid. He's supposed to be a kid. I think the character was originally supposed to be eight years old, but they asked to age him up'cause they didn't want to kill a child on screen, which fair. But Tim's is great it takes place at the dentist office, which is something that. A lot of people don't like and there's this whole sequence of events that happens while he's there that makes you think like, oh, maybe he's gonna suffocate the laughing gas is going crazy, Is he gonna get electrocuted? I don't know. Much like with Evan, none of that is what kills him what does kill him? He's outside there's like a bunch of pigeons on the road, so he runs to like,, make them scatter and fly as teenage boys do. And those pigeons end up flying into like a construction worker who's navigating this crane that has a pane of glass on it, he ends up knocking into a lever and the pane of glass drops and it crushes this little fucking kid. It's so good. The effects on this are wonderful. I think in general, the effects on final destination two. Are probably some of the best ones they hold up to this day. Tim Carpenter definitely going up in our top tier trauma. Mama one of my favorites of all time. And then Next up we have Tim's mom, Nora Carpenter, she gets her head stuck in an elevator door and ends up getting decapitated. I think that's a very common fear I think about that almost every time I go into an elevator. what leads to her getting decapitated. Uh, it's okay. Like the writing's not that great. There's this creepy old man in the elevator with her that has this box of like prosthetic hook hands. her hair gets caught in one of'em, and that's how she ends up getting stuck in the elevator door. it's good. It's it. By no means is it bad. It's just, it's not my favorite. So, this is gonna go with Evan and girl, you tried it. Kat Jennings. Ugh. Kat is such a wonderful character. I fucking love her. She's so cty. I'm just gonna say, now this is my other favorite death from this movie. It's so great. I'm just gonna drag this up to trauma Mama while I speak.'cause this is definitely going in top tier. Uh, what ends up happening, the, the whole crew, the people who are still alive, are driving to the hospital to try to figure out how to cheat death, as they always do. And they get to a car accident she ends up getting pinned into the driver's seat, like a fence post goes through the door and across her lap and she's stuck. A PVC pipe comes through the back of her seat. Doesn't impale her during the accident, but it's like it's there. one of the other characters, Eugene, he has to go to the hospital and she's stuck in the car, So emergency services show up and they're trying to use the jaws of life to get her out. And she's like smoking a cigarette. She stressed as fuck They slammed the jaws of life into the car door and the airbag goes off and it shoves her head back onto that PVC pipe that came through the back of her seat. It's so good. It's so fun. And then immediately after this, we get another death. the cigarette that Kat was smoking falls out of her hand after she dies. And there was a news van that parked not too far away from here, but it was leaking gas and her cigarette lights that gas on fire. The news van explodes and it catapults this wired fence towards Rory, and it trisect him. It cuts him into three pieces. This is another wonderfully done practical one. three slabs of human beef basically, and he's going in. I look pretty good for a dead bitch. It's not one of my top favorites, but it's really good. I appreciate that one. so after Rory, we have Eugene Eugene's, the one that was injured initially in that car accident that happened. It's kind of a two for, it's him and Clear. It's an explosion. I'm, I'm not the biggest fan of explosions, he's like on a respirator. And there's again, this whole sequence of events with the oxygen leaking and the vents closing, and then there's a spark from the electrical outlet. I'm not a scientist. I don't really understand how it worked, but he blows up in the hospital. It's okay. I mean, I'm not, again, I'm not a huge fan of explosions. I kind of find most of them boring I think there's way more exciting and personal ways to kill people. So I'm better put Eugene and not tonight, but for Clear, yes. Clear Rivers from the first movie. She's the only returning character from the previous film. She is in this one and that's how they kill her, and I don't like it. She's going and fuck the big picture Clint. I'm sorry. having a protagonist from the previous film die with somebody else in a kind of like boring way. Not my gig. I'm sorry. Kind of disappointing. then last but not least, for this film we have Brian Gibbons. Now Brian he wasn't part of the, the core group that almost died in the pileup. Brian, was saved by Rory. He was almost hit by a car and Rory pulled him outta the way. And because of that, I guess some, the logic of this one doesn't fully land in my skull. But I guess like Brian technically cheated death because somebody that was supposed to be dead saved him from dying. I don't know. But Brian, he's kind of our closing kill. It's the one that happens right before credits. This one's a lot more fun than Carter's, I think. They're all at a barbecue. Him, his parents, and then the two protagonists that survive this film, and he blows the fuck up. I know I just said that I don't like explosions. This one is more fun than a basic explosion because, it's very, it's comedic and also his arm lands on his mom's plate right in front of her. It's very cheeky. So, this isn't going to fully go. It's not in the bottom. I'll put it in the middle for now. Girl, you tried it, but it'll be like the last one in that tier, I think. Let's move to final destination. Three Devil's flight. This is the rollercoaster one. A lot of people like this one. A lot of people say that this is one of the best ones. I personally don't fully agree. It's okay. I do think rollercoasters are a good, fear. You know, I think it's reasonable to have, an accident take place on this'cause a lot of people are scared of that, but there's just something about it that isn't as satisfying to me as Flight 180 or the pile up There's also like some good amount of CGI there that I'm not super crazy about. Devil's flight I'm gonna put you in, girl. You tried it, but it'll be at the top. I feel like that's my most controversial opinion right now. Ashley and Ashlyn. Oh. This one is fucking iconic. I feel like if you don't know this one, who are you? Ashley and Ashlyn. This is the tanning bed one. It's so fun. They get trapped in a tanning bed and they burn alive, and we get a wonderful match cut from their two tanning beds. A flame next to each other, to two coffins next to each other at a funeral. It's fucking great. Legendary trauma. Mama going right on up there. All right, Frankie Cheeks. Frankie is, this is when we start to get into caricature territory. We move away from real people and we move towards meat bags that you're supposed to want to die. Every slasher. This happens Friday the 13th, all up and down their ass. They have just human meat bags that you don't relate to. Frankie is one of those, he's a pervert. He ends up, getting an engine fan to the back of the head. In a drive through a truck loses control falls downhill, smashes in the truck behind him, and the engine fan comes and just like fucks his shit up. It's cute. It's gory some of the, the, the better effects in the film. I'm gonna go ahead and put it in, girl. You tried it in our third tier. Louis Romero in the gym. This motherfucker, he's weightlifting. this is like toxic masculinity, 100%. This scene is just a bunch of dudes just like, ah, that's the entire scene. some swords fall from a wall and slice the cable to the weightlifting machine that he's using and the weights fall down and, and crush his head. I do like head crushes. I think it's fun. I do think that they overused cg, like,'cause I think they did it practically, but they used a lot of CG on top of it. So it was just kind of like, eh, ooh. This is also gonna go in. Girl, you tried it in our third tier. I feel like. I feel like girl you tried. It's gonna be kind of like my catchall. We'll see, I am probably going to rearrange some of these. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I'm gonna move Evan Lewis from the second one up to, I look pretty good for a dead bitch because compared to the other ones, uh, his is, his is quite good. So we already had a promotion. Erin Ulmer. Okay, this one is fucking great. This takes place in a department store. This poor girl falls backwards onto a nail gun and just gets nails through the back of her head and her hands, in front of her face and it gets like nailed. In that position. It's the, the way she jerks and it's, oh my God. It's quite traumatizing actually. And also, I mean, yeah, this is going in trauma. Mama. This is one of my favorites. A personal note, my older sister at one point looked very similar to how Erin looks in this movie. So that's just another layer of trauma on this one for me is just she looks like my sister and I just, I can't fucking deal with that. So anyway, Perry Malinowski. Now you may be asking yourself who and Yes, exactly. Fuck the big picture. Clint. Perry is one of the most forgettable deaths in this, and it's a bummer'cause her death is part of a twist of the film. Like every final destination has a, a third act twist where they find out something, you know, they find out new information or they come to a new realization. With this one, with Final Destination three, the whole movie, there's like two people that got off the ride that, uh, Wendy, our lead does not. They, she doesn't know who they are'cause we only have the picture of the back of them. Come to find out that those two people are Wendy's sister and her friend Perry, and we find that out when Perry dies. This is our only scene with Perry. We got no chance to get to know who she is or anything. She just gets impaled and that's that. So, fuck the big picture Clint. Uh, there wasn't really anything impactful about that one. if I didn't have this list already laid out in front of me. I would've forgotten about her. All right. So Ian McKinley. Ian McKinley. So this is one of the first times in final destination where we have one of the characters take, a pretty heavy antagonistic stance. And not just in like the bully kind of way, but in the life threatening kind of way where it's like, oh, this motherfucker is gonna try to kill me. That's this guy. After his girlfriend Erin, the girl with the nail gun dies, he just loses his shit. And so we're at like this county fair or something like that. And, he is kind of egging Wendy on, and I guess what they say is he unintentionally intervenes with how Wendy was supposed to die and takes her place. But he gets crushed by a cherry picker and, um. Kind of similar to explosions. Crushes are hit or miss with me. This one's kind of a miss, it just, it, it looks kind of goofy. I do like that half of his body slides out and he's flipping a middle finger now that I think about it. I think it'll go, I don't know. It's still gonna go and not tonight. I'm not a big fan of, of crushing like that. Tim's was just next level. If it's not Tim Carpenter getting crushed, I'm probably not interested. Similar to how, if if it's not Terry getting hit by a bus, it's just, it's not as good. So yeah, Ian McKinley's gonna go and not tonight. And then, ah, final Destination three does something new. We end this movie with a premonition as well. This is a train premonition Wendy, and like the other two surviving people, are all on a subway in New York City and the train crashes. simply due to proximity bias, I am gonna put the train in our second tier. I look pretty good for a dead bitch because I think about this a lot. I think about whether or not the train I'm on is going to derail or crash, and it does kind of scare the bejesus outta me. oh, And this also, it's, it's shown to us as a premonition, but it's also implied that it does happen there's no way that Wendy and her friends could have gotten off the train before this happened because it happens to her while she's on the train, the premonition. So it's implied that our three main characters are three survivors. Die in this train accident. Julie gets crushed by a tire, not a tire, a wheel, a train wheel. That one's okay. I'll probably just put it in not tonight. Even though I do love Amanda crew, she plays Julie. Kevin, however his is great. The train's like tilted and he's against the window and he ends up falling through the window and just basically gets grounds to death, like hamburger meat. That's another thing that I think about. If I'm ever leaning against the train doors, I worry so badly that they're gonna open while the train is moving and I'm gonna fall out and fucking die. Kevin's gonna go and I look pretty good for a dead bitch'cause that is a legitimate fear of mine. And then Wendy, hers is pretty terrifying. The train crashes and she ends up alive outside of the train on the train tracks. And then she ends up getting hit by another train. So that one I'll put in, I'll put it in. Girl, you tried it just because we don't get to see anything happen really. as much as I would love to skip this next movie, I have to be a good journalist and I have to cover it. Final destination four. The final destination plot twist. Most of these are gonna go and fuck the big picture. Cleanse the Speedway accident. Now there is something that I like about a big accident, happening in an arena or like a venue or something like that, because that is scary, getting lost in a crowd and stuff like that. But just, I don't like the effects. I don't find NASCAR specifically relatable. And this is my least favorite movie, the franchise. So the Speedway is gonna go in, fuck the big picture. Clint. Nadia, Nadia's, the first one to die. She dies actually just outside of the speedway after everybody escapes. She gets crushed by a tire. And this one's kind of fun. I don't fully hate this one. It looks kind of goofy when she gets hit, but the aftermath is quite excellent. So because of that, she's not gonna go and fuck the big picture. I'll put her one above. She's gonna go a knot tonight. All right. Carter Daniels the racist guy. So this is when, I'm just gonna say this now. Final Destination four. There is not a single likable character in this movie. I'm sorry, there's not, there's some that may come close, but generally. I don't like any of these characters. Carter is the worst of them. He is a Dixie whistling racist motherfucker who ends up getting lynched outside of this black guy's house.'cause he was gonna put like a, a flaming cross on his lawn or something. It's, while I appreciate the poetic justice of it all, the thing about final destination is it's at its best when the death scenes are relatable, when they're rooted in like a legitimate everyday fear. Not everybody is going to be putting flaming crosses on people's lawns. I mean, I don't know, half the country's probably doing that right now at this point, given the political climate. But I digress. I just don't think it's. A relatable death scene. And I hate this character and not in the fun way. So fuck the big picture. Clint, Samantha Lane, she's a mother. So Samantha is at a salon and there's a lot of stuff happening in this space. The hairspray touches the flat iron and it looks like it's about to explode. This is leaking and the chair is gonna fall, and this, the Clippers and the fan looks like it's gonna fall from the ceiling. And there's so much going on and none of it ends up actually being what kills her. What does kill her is a rock. Yeah, a rock. There's somebody mowing a lawn across the street. They run over a rock and it goes through her eye. It's a bit kitschy. It's not the worst in this film, but it's not great. It's gonna go a knot tonight. Andy. So Andy first off, is kind of a babe. He's pretty hot. He's daddy. But apart from that, his death is not that spectacular. It looks goofy as fuck. He, he's like a mechanic and a pressurized gas tank ends up shooting out from the garage and pushes him through a fence and he gets chopped up into little pieces or something. It looks terrible. It's not, it's not great. And again, it's one of those where, it's not really a relatable everyday fear. So,, Andy is also gonna go and fuck the big picture Clint, despite the fact that I would fuck him. hunt. Hunt is probably one of the least likable characters in this film too, however. He has, the best real death scene in this movie. His is something that I was afraid of that I have read news reports about happening. He's the motherfucker that gets stuck, at the bottom of a pool, at the pool drain. He gets suctioned down, as first onto a broken pool drain. And he ends up getting disemboweled his insides become outsides, legitimate fear. Pretty well shot. I think it's a fun sequence. We're gonna put that one in. Girl, you tried it. Jonathan Groves again. You may be asking me crybaby. Who? And. Yes. Fuck the big picture, Clint. Who is this guy? I'm telling you, if I did not do research before this, I would, he would not be on this list. He'd be with Perry. But this is like a cowboy motherfucker who was not part of the main friend group. But he was supposed to die in the accident. Didn't die in the accident. He's in the hospital when he dies. A bathtub in the room above him, like overflows and the tub falls through the ceiling and like crushes him or something. It's, it's whatever. It's not satisfying at all. This was also supposed to be like a twist of the movie.'Cause they didn't know that he was on desk list. I don't know. It's, it's not great. Ah, the theaters so much. Like with Final Destination three, Our main character Nick. Has a premonition about an explosion at a movie theater in the mall, again, I don't like explosions, but the saving grace by a mile of this premonition. Is the escalator. In the explosion, the escalator just falls apart and you just have the gears grinding and worrying, and one of the characters gets sucked into the escalator. Also, a legitimate fear. So because of that, I'm gonna put this in, girl, you tried it, it's not gonna go any higher than that, the escalator alone is why it's there. Otherwise it would be much, much, much lower. George Lanter, he's the security guard at the Speedway, and he gets hit by a speeding ambulance ala Terry Cheney Nowhere near as satisfying, nowhere near as shocking. He is probably the most likable character and there's nothing satisfying about how he goes out. So fuck the big picture, Clint. And then finally we have Janet, Lori, and Nick. So these three, they're the three survivors of the initial wave of, of death's list. they're also a post credit death. They're sitting in a coffee shop and a semi-truck crashes through the window and kills them, but we don't see it. We do see, however, some Mortal KO looking ass X-rays of their skeletons breaking and cracking and how they died, which I think is a clever way to work around not having the budget to have like an elaborate death scene for these three characters. So because of that, I will give it some points, for creativity, but it's still not wonderful it's not quite, fuck the big picture clan. I'll put it in not tonight. Simply because as somebody who has worked, on film and had a micro budget, I can appreciate a resourceful solution, to not having money to do what you want. So there's that. So now we're on to final destination. Five. This film felt like a return to form, especially after the steaming pile of shite that was the final destination. God, I'm probably being too hard on that movie. I mean, it's still fun. It's just the worst one of them. I'll be nicer, I promise. But whatever. This isn't about that one anymore. We're onto final Destination Five, and that film kicks off with a bridge collapse. Um, baby, this one's pretty good. After the Speedway incident, and no offense to the rollercoaster, but this one it had scale to it, it was much bigger and much more terrifying. Again, I walk across the Williamsburg Bridge all the fucking time. It's something that is in my mind what if this bridge goes down? I'm gonna put this one and I look pretty good for a dead bitch. It's a wonderful premonition scene. one of the highlights is one of the characters kind of like almost falls off the bridge and he's holding onto the side. And then this, va of hot tar spills all over him. Oh my God, it's awful. So good. It's a great way to start off this movie. Candace Hooper girl, girl. She's going right up to trauma. Mama. This sequence is fucking wonderful. Candace is, it's the gymnastics one, And I know what you're thinking. Cry baby. Gymnastics isn't an accessible fear. Like not everybody does gymnastics. I don't care. Alright, I'm gonna be a hypocrite here for a second. This sequence is a masterclass in tension. It's a masterclass in misdirection. Oh, there's so much happening. You have water leaking, an open electrical wire. a little screw on the gymnastics balance beam. you're watching this character navigate all that, wondering what it's going to be that's going to take her out. what ends up happening, it's none of those. Her teammate ends up stepping on that screw on the balance Beam knocks over a bowl of chalk into a fan and it blows into Candace's face while she's on the, the high bar. And she ends up flipping all kinds of crazy and just cracks her spine like it's seeing a human body do. What hers did It's so good. So Trauma. Mama. Isaac Palmer. He's, he's a sleazeball, he's kind of in the same category as like Frankie from the third movie. pervy and gross and, He dies in a massage parlor he gets acupuncture. He falls off the table and the needles go all up into his skin. The place catches on fire, but he ends up, going out by his head, his head gets crushed by this big Buddhist statue that falls off of the wall, which is kind of a nice button. It's not amazing by any means, but it's, it's fine. It's serviceable. but I just, I don't like how he is. It's gonna go a knot tonight. I'm sorry. The way he died wasn't satisfying enough. I know that sounds weird, but it just wasn't. Next Olivia Castle. first off, what a babe. She's gorgeous. I wanna look like that. Throwing that out there. But she, is the LASIK one. She's getting LASIK surgery and the machine goes haywire and just starts fucking her eye up she ends up escaping the machine, but she ends up tripping and falling out the window to her death. This one's tricky because I like the LASIK of it all. I don't like the falling out of the window part of it as much. I'm gonna put it in girl, you tried it, uh, just right in the middle. I think that's appropriate where it belongs. Roy Carson. to rewind every movie, they're trying to figure out how to cheat death and how to, how to beat death's design, and none of'em really do. But in this movie, the characters find out that a way to cheat death is to kill somebody. And by killing somebody, they take their time, whatever time they had left on their life, and they will no longer be on death's list. So what happens with Roy? We have Nathan, who was next on death's list, he's like a foreman in like this factory. And he gets into a fight with, with Roy and it kind of becomes this yelling, shoving match. And Nathan. Shoves Roy in the way of a falling hook that was meant for him. Roy ends up getting the hook through the, the chin and the head. So death skips Nathan. This one's pretty good. It's pretty gross. I'm gonna pop it and girl, you tried it. We don't have much of a connection to him, so it's just more so because this is how we find out. That killing somebody actually does work. It allows you to be skipped because, instead of Nathan dying next, we jump straight to Dennis. This one's pretty fun. It's a very fast one, kind of cheeky because after Roy dies they're asking, well, like, who's next, who's next? And then a wrench falls off of somewhere, and gets flung into Dennis's face. And it just absolutely crushes him and it looks disgusting. So I'm gonna pop that one. I think I'm also gonna put that one in. Girl, you tried it'cause it's like, it's fine. Hold on, I'm gonna take a second and I'm gonna, I'm gonna evaluate real quick. Yeah, Dennis is gonna go and grill. You tried it. Oh, we're actually, we're missing a character here. It doesn't matter'cause it would've gone and fuck the big picture client. But there's a cop. There's like a detective that gets shot. He has nothing to do with any of these characters. He's not on desk list or anything. He gets shot by Peter. So just so you know, I was gonna throw him on fuck the big picture Clint, but whatever. I guess I don't have to worry about that now. next up we have Peter. Peter is another character that goes into antagonist territory.'Cause the thing is Molly, Sam's girlfriend. Never died in the premonition. She was always safe. She was not on death's list. She was fine. Peter was not happy about this. As soon as his girlfriend Candace died in the gymnastics situation, he loses his shit and he wants to play God and he wants to kill Molly to take whatever time she had left so he can survive. So he tries to kill her, but Peter gets skewered, with just like a meat skewer.'cause they're in a restaurant when this happens. fuck the big picture, Clint. Molly and Sam, so spoiler ruler, This is when we find out that final destination five was a prequel. Because Molly and Sam end up on Flight 180 from the first movie, and that's how they die. So, because of that, because it was such a delicious twist and I just loved seeing it happen, Molly and Sam are both gonna go up on, I look pretty good for a dead bitch.'cause it was just very satisfying, to see that come full circle. Nathan is our last one. He's the guy that pushed Roy in front of that hook. Again, it's kind of like a, a last minute pre-credit kill. he's in the bar for Roy's memorial and we find out that Roy had uh, an enlarged blood vessel in his brain or something, and he was gonna die any day. And so Nathan's like, oh shit. And as soon as he has that realization, a wheel from Flight 180 after it explodes, crashes through the bar and crushes him. It's okay. Again, I'm not the biggest fan of crushing. Um, I do like that little cheekiness of him not really being in the clear. So I'm just gonna put it in, not tonight. It's not the worst, but it's not the best. Alright, finally, we are finally at bloodlines. So last call, if you haven't seen bloodlines yet. Once again, I highly recommend seeing this movie in theaters. It is so much fucking fun. I had a blast. And we're gonna start with the Skyview Tower. This is the premonition, the opening premonition. And when I say that this is a, a huge contender for my favorite premonition, my favorite, disaster. I'm obsessed with this. It's, it takes place in this, tower restaurant and just a bunch of shit goes wrong where like, the entire tower, crumbles apart and everyone dies. Like You have people falling through this glass dance floor to the ground below. a gas leak and there's an explosion. There's a woman that's, set on fire, which by the way, set a record for the oldest person to ever do a fire, fire stunt, then yeah, you have the tower just splitting in two and falling apart. It's fucking great. This is definitely going in trauma, mama, especially because I am very afraid of heights. So this hit a special cord with me Anytime I'm on a skyscraper, that's the shit that crosses my mind. Next we have Iris Campbell. She's the one that had the vision and with the Skyview Tower, It's not like the other movies where only a couple of people survived. No, nobody died. So we're talking hundreds of people on, or I'm not, I don't know if it's a hundred, but not a lot of people were on death's list. Iris she was the second to last person to die in the premonition. So it took death a long time to get to her. She's a grandma now, and she's been in hiding because she knows what's up. She's trying to save her family. But her granddaughter, Stephanie went to visit her because Stephanie has been having dreams of this premonition. So that's a lot of backstory. Anyway, Iris, she ends up dying, in a weird way. One of those weather veins on her roof ends up falling down and, lands on the end of a fire extinguisher and gets launched into the back of her head. it's pretty shocking, but it's also like, we kind of knew it was coming because, she told Stephanie like, okay, if you don't believe me that this is happening, just step back and watch what happens. I mean, it was pretty gross. It wasn't like super rooted in a realistic fear, I don't think. But, I liked it. I'll put it in. I look pretty good for a dead bitch. It was pretty gory. Howard Campbell. So this is Iris's oldest son. He's the next to die. Now this one, uh, Woodstocks is this death scene They pretty much showed how everything was gonna happen during the trailer for this film. they're at a barbecue. He ends up stepping on a piece of glass and falling backwards exactly as a rogue lawnmower. runs over his face. There's a whole sequence of events that leads up to it, but, it's a great scene. I do wish that they didn't ruin it in the trailer because I feel like it's one of the stronger. Death scenes in this movie, but that doesn't dilute the fact that it's great. It's very fun to watch and it's, it's pretty gory and lawnmowers. There's just something about lawnmowers to the face that's like, oh, I'm looking at you sinister. Howard, he's gonna go on. I I look pretty good for a dead bitch. It's gonna be up there. It's great. Julia Campbell, so this is his daughter. this one's a very funny one.'Cause essentially how she dies was predicted by Stephanie, She ends up in the back of a, garbage truck and she gets crushed. The effects don't look super wonderful on this, but, I don't know. I, I really like this actress. I can't remember her name. It's like Anna something. She, she was great. This scene was funny and you know, the back of a garbage truck. There's kind of a soft spot in my heart. I think a lot about child's play Three. That's one of my favorite deaths from that movie. And it's just fun. this is also gonna go and I look pretty good for a dead bitch. This could also just be recency bias. I don't know. We will reevaluate. Next up Eric Campbell. best character in this movie, hands down. I do want to fuck him, but that has nothing to do with it. He's just, he's so funny. He is so fucking funny. He's also a tattoo artist and tatted, so of course like I'm gonna love that shit. But how he dies is very fun. It's an MRI machine the MRI machine goes haywire and it starts ripping out all of his piercings, which as somebody who has piercings and who has had piercings unintentionally ripped out of my body. That struck a special nerve with me. then he ends up getting, pinned to the entry of the MRI machine with the wheelchair and like getting snapped in half and pulled through the the MRI machine hole. It's gory, it's wonderful. It's trauma, mama. It's gonna go right up there. Bobby Campbell, his brother dies like immediately right after, Bobby is allergic to peanuts. So this whole time, they were trying to cheat death by giving him an allergic reaction and then bringing him back to life to break the chain. Obviously doesn't work because Eric ends up getting killed before he gets a chance to do that. And then immediately after the MRI machine pulls this spring from a vending machine right into his head and it looks pretty good. I'm trying to see if it's, I felt like it was a little underwhelming, but it's because it literally comes 30 seconds after one of the, the best death scenes in this movie. So, I'm gonna try not to let that color my judgment here. It's still pretty good. Bobby is a likable, all the characters are likable. and it's, It was nice and it wasn't predictable. It was. Quite subversive with a sense of humor. So I'm gonna put you and I look pretty good for a dead bitch. Bobby, that was pretty fun. we're in our last three, Darlene, Stephanie and Charlie. Oh, Darlene. Darlene, Darlene, Darlene. So here's the thing, I have a bone to pick all this time there's been talk about how final destination was finally gonna have a death with a revolving door, They even showed it in the trailer. They showed little teasers of, of Darlene getting stuck in the revolving door. There was none of that in this movie. Apparently what had happened was they shot that and then they decided that they didn't want to kill her off so soon in the movie and they wanted to give her a little bit more time to get a redemption arc with her kids.'cause she's estranged from her children. I get it, I get the, the storytelling of that. But I am so disappointed that, that's not how she died. She ends up dying, in, well there's like this explosion at Iris's, little safe compound. She kind of saves her kids from dying in that explosion. and then she immediately gets crushed and we know how I feel about crushing. So I'm sorry, Darlene. Fuck the big picture Clint. We could have had a super badass revolving door death and we got. Crushed, whatever. Stephanie and Charlie, so this is at the very end. a train nearby derails and almost runs them down. it stops before it crushes them and then a logging truck somehow ends up coming over that and the logs fall down and crush them. It's cheeky because of the logging truck. I don't like the effects as much on this one as I would like to. It also just the entire third act of this movie feels a little rushed to me and this is kind of part of it. That's my biggest thing with this movie which makes sense'cause they rewrote it and re-shot it for Darlene. But, our main characters going out at the end of the film, it's not the worst thing. But it's not the best. I'm gonna put them in Knot to Knot and that's that. Holy shit, that took forever. Thank you for being here with me. And that. Yeah, that's it. That's our ranking of the final destination deaths from the first one all the way through bloodlines. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear what some of your favorite deaths are. If you don't agree with me, please let me know. Also this is probably going to change. This is a living, breathing document. Mama. I'm a Gemini. All right. I may feel this way right now. Tomorrow might be a completely different thing. So, yeah, that's what I got. Tell me what you think. until next time, cuties, don't be scared unless you're into that sort of thing. Bye.