449: Torn: A Book Written to Help Your Devout Loved One Understand You

Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part 1 of 3]

In this three part series, Valerie is joined by Jeff Strong- friend, colleague, and author of the best-selling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them. In this opening episode, Jeff shares his personal experience as an LDS bishop and father at a crisis point in time when his missionary son disclosed that he was coming home and leaving the LDS church. 

In this moment, Jeff felt that everything was falling apart & in his own valley of the shadow, he could not meet his son where he was in his own valley of the shadow. The following 13 years comprising hundreds of interviews with disaffiliating Latter-day Saints & heartfelt soul-searching about the true meaning of faith culminates in this book: a Love Letter to the Devout Latter-day Saint who has a loved one who has left the faith. 

Please listen to this series & consider reading than then gifting Jeff's book to one of your loved ones who does not understand your spiritual journey. Together we can heal our community and build bridges of understanding & belonging. no matter where we are on the spectrum of faith.

Jeff's book Torn linked HERE.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Introductions

02:07 Why Jeff Wrote Torn

02:56 Faith Crisis Sparks Research

06:16 Years of Writing and Rewrites

07:32 Who the Book Is For

11:07 Upstream vs Downstream Trauma

13:48 A Devout Reader’s Reaction

17:06 Mixed Faith Marriage Pain Point

20:24 Disaffiliation Numbers and Studies

28:36 Counter Narratives on Growth

29:52 Growth vs Activity Metrics

32:07 Convert Baptisms and Disaffiliation

33:04 Two Truths in Church Life

35:59 Four Waves Overview

38:11 Why Waves Feel Sequential

40:50 Upstream vs Downstream Pushback

43:54 Stages of Faith Transition

47:37 Belonging Over Belief

51:31 Success Stories of Inclusion

55:58 Bar Mitzvah Closing Story

58:27 Wrap Up and Next Episode