A New Season Brings New Expectations

The start of a new sports season is always exciting.  New uniform, new teammates, new coaches...and who knows, maybe this year you will find a friend for life.

There is more to each new season than one can plan for.  

Yes, we all want to win.  We all want to have fun...but should we set expectations?

Listen as we talk about a new season, new expectations ...and hopefully, finding some wonderful surprises.

Want to send Camilla and Ted a message? Or learn more about them?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Morning, Ted.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Good morning, Camilla.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

So I was on a walk this morning as I do every morning, and I want to ask you something. Do you walk? Do you do you?

SPEAKER_02 0:21

I'm a pretty good walker.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I mean what I mean by that is in a week or in a one-month span, do you find yourself going out in nature or the neighborhood and walking?

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

All right. Okay, good. So uh as you're walking, and if it's on like nature trails, and you see a staircase, or you see this rock cliff, when you look at it, do you think, I want to run up that staircase, or I want to climb that mountain, or are you looking at it thinking, ugh, I'm just gonna take the flat way around?

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Yeah, I don't mind walking longer. How do we get around this thing? No, I don't think about going up rocks. No.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Okay. See, when I see a staircase, like if I'm walking on a path that I haven't been, and I see this, because there's a lot of valleys here where I live, and I see the staircase, I think, oh my gosh, I want to run up it like a rocky or something. Like I just want to run up the staircase. And then if I did the staircase, and then beside it is like a rocky, kind of rigid path, I want to take it. I want to climb is yeah, it just that just when I see a staircase, I want to climb it. When I see a rock cliff, like I just want to scale it. And and I just wonder, and then I thought to myself, uh, is this odd? Do does everybody think this? And that's why I'm asking.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Yeah, I think it is odd. I mean, I think about I'm going from here to there and the staircase, if it's not on my way, I don't know why I would go a staircase or see, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yeah, I don't but for a metaphor for life, right? When you see this kind of obstacle or hill to climb, you're like, do I want to conquer it or do I want to go around it?

SPEAKER_02 2:01

Maybe I don't want to conquer everything that gets put in front of me. I mean, I have to choose, right? So if I'm if I'm doing something else, I'm not gonna stop and crawl the thing to the right of. But I do look for escalators. So I mean that I can conquer those all day long.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Okay, so you're are you the type of person to take an escalator over the stairs? That's that that's what I'm hearing. If there's stairs, will you take escalation?

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Well, I'll tell you this. I was at the mall with my daughter recently, and the darn escalator was broken. So I had to walk up that thing. Can't they fix these things? They can fix them. They can fix these things. So yeah, it's annoying when your expectations aren't met because you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Oh, there you are. Nice cycloy.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, no, I don't I don't look for um You don't look for stairs.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Okay, good. Or or or or you take the escalators instead of stairs. Okay, good to know. Lazy!

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Yeah, I'm saving my energy for something else. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Lazy.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

What did you say? Oh, lazy. Oh, lazy. Efficient.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

I'm just joking. I'm just joking.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

No, it's okay. It's probably true. So did that happen on a recent walk, or you're just saying as I'm walking in the neighborhood, cross my mind. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Always, always. When I see a hill, I want to run up it. And usually I'm wearing a weighted vest, so then I look like extra bananas.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Yeah. And to you, that means you climb mountains literally and figuratively. Okay. All right. Everybody can have their own thoughts, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Totally. Well, 100%. No one's there's it's no right or wrong. That's simply a question that I thought to myself, I'm going to ask others if they feel the same way.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

No, it's I mean, it is a good question. Because I think the more likely one, because people don't encounter rocky hills all that often, but the escalator one is one if you go to a mall and it's not working. Are you like Teddy or like are you like Camela?

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Yeah, or I I don't even look for an escalator. I look for stairs. Like or if I go into a building, if you're going to a friend's house, uh friend's apartment, yeah, and they're on the uh fifth floor. Yeah, but where's the cutoff to escalator or stairs?

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Yeah, that's a great question. And if you're listening to this episode, let us know what is the cutoff.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

What is yours? What's your cutoff? What floor?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Um, I mean, I think I just go to the escalator. Or sorry, what does it mean?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Even if they're on the floor, even if they're second floor, you'll still go to the escalator. It doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Like they're just not the escalator. The elevator. Like I if I can build, it's just habit. You just go, even it feels stupid going up one floor.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

So I try to apologize as I'm leaving. Sorry to make it stop so quickly, but I don't know where the stairs are. And often actually, oftentimes in a building, I don't know where the stairs are. Like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

That's true, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

And then and in some buildings, they I can't remember if it's like I remember somebody telling me this, they're in a newer condo. You can't sometimes access the stairs at all. And they make it that way because they're really only for a fire escape, and you can only go down. Like there isn't an access.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Not even for security. I think that's the reason why I don't do a cat one. Oh, right. Yeah, that's the reason. I should have started with that. All right. Okay. The exciting part of this episode is we're now into season two. You know, it's not in the TV guide anymore as it used to be. And how do you get it out there?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

And what's different with season two? Video.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

That's right. So we're excited to be back, and uh we had a break for a few months, but uh yeah, we're we're looking forward to starting season two as we're starting all of our sports partners are starting their summer seasons. And so we thought, why don't we talk about expectations at the start of a season? And actually the first question I have for you is what expectations do you have for us at the start of our new season?

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Ooh, that's that's well, because our season is so different and uh you know we're recording differently. Everything about this season is very different. And I remember there was an episode in one episode that we shot, I remember going into the studio, I can't remember when it was, but I truly felt grateful. I felt grateful for the time because often it's something that you have to prepare for, and it's like sometimes a meeting or just something in your day that you're like, oh yeah, that. Yeah, and I had that thought. I thought, oh gosh, we have to record this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Oh, you're oh today?

SPEAKER_00 6:04

I no, this is just back then. And then it's not that I don't love it, it's not that, but it was a really busy day. It was a busy work day, and there was a lot on my plate, and I thought we need to break, you know, for a couple hours to prepare and to record. But then when I got to the studio and I sat down and I started by saying like an appreciation, like a moment of gratitude, because I was truly grateful for that time that we would sit in studio like it was dark, we put our headphones on and we're talking about something, that it's an important topic that we feel we want to discuss and we want to let uh other people listen to and thoughts on it. And I was grateful. I I was grateful for the time. So that gratitude that I had was was real and genuine. And so I hope that this season, you know, I still will have that same gratitude. And I hope that as we start our episodes and as we record them and whatever comes out, the guests that we have on, everything that we have going on in this season, because it's a little bit different than what we did before. We're not in person. Yeah, I'm hoping that I feel that same appreciation. And and I'm hoping that because when we would walk out of that studio, we felt good about the recording, and we felt good about what we were putting out in the world. And I still want to maintain that, and I hope that this season brings all the wonderful gifts that we give out and all the gratitude that I had before.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

So yeah, that's a great point. I mean, it's it is a different experience going into a formal studio. It kind of feels more real. None of this feels less real, but it's it's intentional.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

It's it's intentional, like it's and this is still intentional too, because we need to set up, we need to prepare, we need to still carve out this time, we need to put everything, no notifications, turn off, which I need to do that on my phone. But yeah, it's on. So all of those things, you know, are still the same. It's just different. And when things change and when you're doing the same thing but differently, you're hoping that you get the same results, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think that there's always a bit of a loss with a change, but there's so many new opportunities with the way we're doing it and bringing guests in and different things where that'll be it'll probably be easier.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah, I I think so. I think like the gifts that'll give us, yes, it'll be different, but I think it'll bring us, you know, the gifts that I'm hoping it will. So yeah. So that is yeah, to answer your question.

SPEAKER_02 8:28

Yeah, yeah. Thanks, coach. It's good. Yeah, no, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

But yeah, it is a new season for us, and it is the start of many seasons in sports, and it is that time of year where kids in minor sports and clubs and coaches, you start a new tribe, right? And for parents, I mean, who's involved is parents, clubs, coaches, and players, right? Yeah, everyone has this new startup, everyone has this new tribe, new people. You know, you're that player, and you're like, ooh, who's on my team? Is my friend here? Do I not know anyone?

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

Well, who's my coach? What are they like? And then the parents are like, what kind of coach are you? No, the parents are like, oh my gosh, I'm super excited. You look adorable in your uh in your uniform. So everyone, I think, on that first day on the field, on the pitch, wherever it is, inside a dome, everyone has those expectations for that start of the season, or perhaps goals, or something. You are thinking something, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yeah, you're right. So if we're saying that when I think about it, I think about, you know, the coach setting the expectations, sort of the focus for the team, right? You had that first meeting, even in House League, and the coach says, Okay, guys, girls, we're gonna do this or whatever have you. So I think in a lot of ways, the coach sets the expectations for the team for the season. How do you see it?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

I mean, I guess yes, not always, because although the coach is there to guide and obviously to coach, the the player has an individual expectation. The parents do too. I think every person shows up with individual goals and expectations. And I think, you know, the coach is there to help guide, you know, the coach is there for so many reasons, depending on age, too. But a coach is there for structure, right? To make sure that, you know, we only have an hour. This is what we need to do, like literally. Yeah, skills help you be that better version of yourself in whatever you're doing, whatever kind of coach that is, a sports coach and a life coach, right? A relationship coach. How am I going to give you the tools needed? And what are your tools? How can I help you if I don't even know where you're at? You know, I gotta assess what you're like. It's kind of like we're feeling each other out too, and every age group is so different, right? Like, like the little ones are just there kind of looking around, but yeah, they have fear. But so I'm going to kind of throw a question back at you. So, do you need to set goals? So you may have expectations, but if you're looking to achieve something, do you have to set a goal to achieve it? So before I and I'm gonna ask, yeah, before you answer, before you answer, I just want to say something just because this will help you kind of. So do you know who Bill Walsh is?

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Yeah, you say of course, and I seen the name, and I was like, who the heck is that? So he uh he was a Super Bowl winner. Which Super Bowl, which team?

SPEAKER_02 11:33

Bill Walsh, I think he was San Francisco.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

So he said the score takes care of itself.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Right.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Which means don't focus on I want to win, right? Don't focus on setting those goals, perhaps. So you you want to go into a Super Bowl, your goal is to win, right? Is it and set that goal to win. So do you need to set that goal to win?

SPEAKER_02 11:59

I don't think the quote, the score takes care of itself means you don't plan or you don't have goals. I think what it means is execute your part of the job and the score will take care of itself, right? Like every because on a football team, everybody has a different role, right? And not everybody scores points, but they all do collectively. So if you do your part properly as part of this overall plan, we will get there. So don't worry about the score, just do your job.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Isn't that kind of the same thing? Like, don't focus on the end result, like don't focus on the score, just focus on being like a like so. Yeah, so that's kind of plays into it. So back to the question do you need goals to achieve success?

SPEAKER_02 12:38

Yeah, I had a quote written down here. So the answer is yes, but well, let me hear.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

I don't want to hear a quote, I want to hear Ted's words. I'm asking you. Yeah, but so put those so tell me the quote later. I'm asking you, Ted. I want Ted to answer.

SPEAKER_02 12:50

It said it spoke to me. It's like I would say, um, and I can't find it. But yeah, I think you know, you can't essentially you can't hit uh God, what is this phrase? You do need goals. I can't why can't I think of it?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Uh okay, so you're saying you do need goals. I feel like you don't. And I'll tell and I'll kind of dig deeper in that is I feel that you need to be intentional about habits, about how you do things, and that will eventually lead you down that path. So have you ever heard of the book Atomic Habits?

SPEAKER_02 13:19

Yeah, James Clear.

SPEAKER_00 13:21

Yeah. So he talks about, you know, not setting goals and just looking at the systems, right? Looking how you do things. So, you know, goals can often lead to a yo-yo effect, and I'll and I always use this analogy is losing weight, right? My goal is to lose 10 pounds. I'm gonna lose 10 pounds. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna start Monday, I'm gonna lose 10 pounds. And then what if you don't? One week later you're like, oh, I can't do it, and you just like go back and you know, just like up and down always, and kind of setting setting up those expectations perhaps for you know feeling bad about yourself. Whereas what if you just said, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, I'm gonna start eating healthy? You know, I'm gonna implement a system that will eventually lead to that, but setting up that high expectations, or if you want to write a novel and you forget about the fact that you don't want to be a bestseller, or my goal isn't for a hundred copies, or my goal isn't to be a millionaire from this, I'm just committing to writing 500 words a day, or or focusing on those baby steps that could eventually, as you're doing it, could lead to something, something could manifest itself rather than saying, I'm gonna write a novel. And on that path to writing that novel, you get derailed or something happens and you may see yourself as a failure. Like I set that goal and I didn't meet it. Oh, I'm a failure, you know? Yeah, I like is there yeah, alternatives.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know I know what you're saying. I think that's a little more grand than what we're talking about, in as far as you know, if your goal is to win the Stanley Cup Sunday, you're not gonna do it this season, right? And I think you want to set the expectations. That's where I think a coach helps too, because if the expectation is, you know, we want to win the championship this year and it's a house leg team, and we start off poorly, if every kid quits, then it's over. But the coach is there to say, nope, come on, let's go, keep moving. We can do it, guys. So you have a literal coach, it's not a solo project. You have a coach that helps remind you what the goals were, what the intention was for the year, and don't worry, Camilla, we can do it. Just keep moving forward. So they help you.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

I don't think the approach is granular at all. I think if you look at it from a player and a parent's perspective, you're out there to have fun. Like that is the prime like you're not there to be the best in the league, you're not there to be the best player in the league.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

I'm just saying that that's your goal. Like you're talking about people getting disappointed when they miss the.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Having fun is just an approach, it's a mindset, it's an intention. On this year, I'm gonna focus on having fun. It's a focus rather than a goal, right? So that's and I'm not saying one's right or the other. I'm saying this is my take on it. Is that and it's and you said like this, it's too grandeur for this specific topic. And I don't think it is, because I think we should start looking at sometimes that bigger picture and your intent and your focus, because at the end of the day, that is the most important thing is to focus on fun for the parents, for the coaches, for the players. Like, you're just out there to have fun. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

I just feel like you're saying two different things. Like, I think the reason I'm saying it's too grand is because I think about my daughter's team, they just started playing, and I don't know what the coach said to them about the start of the season, they didn't ask her, but they're focusing on this season, whatever it might be. Probably to have fun, do all those things. They're not setting probably grand goals. Like if you win the championship, whatever it sounds like. Like you want to, you want to win. But the example you started with about being disappointed when you don't achieve your goals of the whole James Clear bit, I just think is more than that's like a life thing. That would be what Iris might want to do, not sort of what the team's doing. The team is just the thing that she's doing this year.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

But I think it's completely relevant, it's not all dictated on the coach, like the players they bring that intention with them. So I think it's completely relevant because those players still have that focus. It's not, okay, coach, I'm here, you tell me what this season's gonna be all about. No, like that coach is part of the season, but so is your parent, so is that player, so is every part of it. So the coach is one aspect of it, but so is the player. The coach can have the coach has a goal, that's the coach's goal. I may have my own focus in this, and they don't even have to align. But I think having that objective, that focus, I think is also important.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

No, I agree with you. I'm just trying to understand if we're talking about expectations for the season, um, like the team that you're a part of, or for your life, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

I mean it's well, I I think what's the difference?

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Well, because we're talking about the start of a new season, we're not talking about the start of a new life. This is what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

No, but so what I'm saying is why can't you apply to both? Why can't it still be?

SPEAKER_02 18:07

So maybe that's an individual. It's like there are like you said, I think you've said off the top, like there's the club, the coach, the parents, and the kids. They all are the ones that are gonna have different goals during the season, right? So I think what you're talking about is probably an individual's goals. Like what how am I gonna further my desire to be the best at soccer this year? What am I going to do, right? So that's you're right, that's not necessarily in combination of what the team's going to do, especially with House League. They might just be there ever.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

And that goes back to you don't need like to me, it really resonates. There's something about it that really resonates with me about not really setting a goal, but just looking at your intent on focus. Because even if you had a messy room, you know, and my goal is to clean my room, and you clean it for that one day, but eventually life happens, and then it gets kind of back to that messy room that you had before. And then you're like, Oh god, I am a slob. I can't keep my room clean. And there's there's almost a personal hit that you take rather than, you know, I'm gonna have a more intentional focus on making sure I set times to do certain things, or you know what I mean? And so I there's just something about it really resonates with me about not being so stringent about that specific goal, but rather than just I'm going to set out to live my life in this way and more of an intentional energy focus. And that could be something that the parents can think of from their own the parent in this, you know, plays a role at the start of a season, and and the parents role for themselves and for the player. How am I gonna show up as a parent to each of these practices? How am I gonna be there for my child on the sidelines? The child is going to think, how am I gonna show up for my coach? What mindset, what attitude am I going to have going into this? I guarantee you, most of the time, parents, the last words they say to their kids, have fun, right? When as you're going up there, have fun, right? Of course. Or like no one says, you better win or else. Right? And I don't think.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

You want to ride home? You better score a goal tonight.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

And I think a coach sets expectations for himself in terms of how am I gonna be like, how am I gonna show up as a coach? What am I gonna give these kids? What am I gonna give these players? They're not always like necessarily children, but what am I gonna give these players? And and I think expectations I think is very different than goals. And a real, like, I know I go back to this or like it's I feel very organic about it. It's really that focus and that intention, because energy follows your intentions.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

So why don't we take it as you know, a group by one by one instead of because I'm not sure because it it does, these things do relate, and you're right, coaches have individual goals. The clubs have a goal that they want to set in. But it lets try and think about uh for the season, just because I feel like that's what we're supposed to be talking about. But there are things that come in. I know, I know. But if we said if we look at it from a perspective of a club, right, because they're not thinking about the next 20 years, they're thinking about this season, right? So a club will set the mandate for the coaches, they have a coaches meeting that says this is what the season looks like, here are the particulars, here's when photo day happens, the championship days, like here are all the pizzas, but you also say to the coaches, you set the expectation with coaches and say fair play. Every kid must have a chance to play, you must treat everybody equally. You have to treat the referees or the officials with respect. Like those expectations are set with the coaches day one from a club, right? Because they're responsible for the happiness and the experience of all these folks. So that if we look at from a team what's that safety.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

I don't think they're responsible for happiness, but they're responsible for definitely for safety and hoping that you get happiness out of it.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Like that's one of the things the parents don't see. Yeah, that's it. Because they do you are right. Like at the end of the day, the goal Even for the competitive is fun, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Uh I was talking to one club the other day and uh because it is the start of a season and they were just talking about how it's just chaos. Like even in in the halls of a club, it's like chickens with their heads cut off. Everyone's running in different directions because everybody has different either fires to put out or questions to answer or just a day packed with everything you can imagine. One person was saying that they their their car is full of balls and jerseys and papers and lunch, and it's just like just insanity. And there was a moment after it was after school, it was a Tuesday night, and the field had like 300 players on it, which brings 500 plus parents and then all the coaches, and that energy, right, on that field. Excitement, nervousness, you know, some parents their expectations are really high. How come this? How come that? Some parents are like, Oh my gosh, I'm just so grateful to be here, you know. Coaches are like, I can't handle this, or I didn't ask to be here. Somebody told me to come. I didn't know this was gonna. So it is an insane time of year, and yeah, a lot of times parents don't understand the work that goes into it. Coaches that are out there don't understand the work that went into it from a club's perspective. Those players out there don't like they're just there. They don't really, honestly, at that age, sometimes they're really self-absorbed, and that's like perfectly normal at that age. They're just all about me.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Of course, of course, and they should be.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Yeah, uh well for the most part, like love thyself like love thy neighbor. You can even implement that at a young age. But you know, when we're talking about it, I know, like they're just like, yeah, they're just there to have fun, really honestly. But you don't know the work that has gone into it. And when a parent says, you know, like, I can't believe that coach, they're just a parent volunteer, they don't know anything about soccer. The club can say, You are lucky that your child's on the field because we did not have enough coaches for these kids. Like, we had to do whatever we could to, you know, and and that's and there's an there's more nuance to that statement, you know, because obviously they're looking for the the qualified, you need to have training that goes into all these coaches 100%. But at the same time, is that coach at that age group capable to take them to FIFA? Maybe not, but is that the goal?

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yeah, yeah. And the vast majority, as we often say, it's recreational, right? So they're not they're not going anywhere. And in the soccer space, I mean, they have embraced the concept of soccer for life, they just want you to play soccer for as long as you possibly can and enjoy the sport at the end of the day, right? Because even when you're younger and everybody wants to be pro or most people want to, and you do you just think, you know, you know what, I just want to play soccer, or I just want to play. So it certainly does change. But I do like the idea of expectations. So we've got the clubs are pretty straightforward. They just want to, like you say, a fun, safe, happy season. Everybody has a great time, and hopefully you come back and keep playing the sport that we're all promoting. So, from a parent's perspective, you touch on a couple of things that are interesting. And we, you know, if you've been involved with minor sports, you've experienced all of them. But but what do you think the parents' expectation should be at the start of a season?

SPEAKER_00 25:13

For the kid to have fun. Hands down, full stop. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

That's all. Because if you're not having fun, if you're not loving what you're doing, then why are you doing it? And sometimes, who did I have this? I had a conversation with someone about um just sports in general, different types of sports, different seasons. So let's say I'm a kid and I love hockey and I love baseball and I love soccer and I love all sports and I want to do them all. Yeah, and there's just isn't enough time in the week to be able to do them all. So a parent has to say often, you have to choose, you know, and sometimes making that choice between two things that you love is hard, but you love them, so you want to do them. And what I was saying was I was some usually arts, you know, gets cut because if you love a sport, you're like, Oh, I can always do like I can always paint or do anything on the side, and they do get cut. And it was actually girl guides, it was about that she's like, I was a girl guide, is that still going on? I go, Yeah, just the other day I I see them selling cookies, it's still going on, yeah. But often, you know, that gets cut because do I really need that? I mean, what is it giving? And like, I mean, to me, I think it gives life lessons and other types of lessons that for sure any others like sport gives you something, but so does that. So arts usually gets cut. And my point is is that back to fun. So, what's the expectations for the parents? I think that you want your child to be doing something where they're growing, where they're growing as a person, where they're finding out. And honestly, even at six years old, like you say, well, that's more of an adult thing. Not necessarily. A six-year-old has to learn to work within a team. Know that you're not the only one, that that you're working with other individuals. Um, accountability to show up on time, you know, there are things that help them grow as a person and they learn more about themselves, what they're good at, right? Am I good at this? But ultimately, at the end of the day, you want to make sure that because you don't have a lot of time in that week, and because we are so stretched from with a kid school and then friends, you want to have time for your friends, and you want to have time for yourself, and you want to journal about that day. Not all kids journal, but hopefully some. So I think at the end of the day, if you're there for that hour, your intentions and your expectations should be definitely number one to have fun and to love what you're doing. The coach should be loving what you're doing. Just like I talked about, you know, sometimes for this podcast. Oh, you know, we have to do the podcast, and there's a moment of like, I got so many other things to do. A coach is like, oh gosh, I gotta do this, and I have so many other things to do. But you get there and you see the joy in the kids, and you love what you're doing, and you have gratitude. At the end of that practice, you're like, oh, you know what? That was a great practice. A kid came up to me and said, Thank you so much, coach, and it just warms your heart, and you know that you made a difference, and you know that everybody had fun, everybody was safe. Yeah, safety and fun is number one. After that, I feel it's all gravy.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

I know that's what kids think about. Is this safe? Can we be safe today? We're square.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yes. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

It's my number one goal.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Kids, yeah. So I think for parents, I think that should be for me. I feel like that is number one safety and fun, you know? And so when someone says, is that coach qualified, you know, to teach soccer or to give my kids the tools needed to be a better baseball player? Maybe. Maybe. But if they're not, that's okay too. Maybe they're providing them something else. I don't know. That's that's how I view it.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're right. The parents, there's I mean, there's a lot to talk about with respect to parents, but yeah, at the end of the day, it's really the club that sets it up, gets the coaches, gets the fields. There's lots of things that parents could be upset about, not just the coaches or how often their child plays. But yeah, the expectation should be for fun and fair, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

And and there is a bit of return on my investment, and I know that's it's it's not often said. Fun is number one, but you know, there is that thing of sometimes kids have to choose not only for time, but for financial reasons, right? It does cost. I mean, there's there's costs associated with running a club, all the equipment and everything needed, but there's also this kind of I've paid, right? So there is a bit of, you know, a lot of nuance.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

I mean, it we we're trying to talk in general terms because there's gonna be people that are, you know.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Listen, there is I'm not gonna say a parent like there are some people that will always look at the negative side of things, regardless of what you are, whether you're wearing a parent hat, whether you're just you're just a human, and sometimes you walk into a room and right away you're like, there's not enough seating, or you walk into a coffee shop and you're like, the lighting's horrible in here. Right there, there are those people that just walk into a room and naturally look at all the things wrong with it. And you know what? They may point out the things that are wrong with it, but sometimes even them, I give them love because they may be voicing what's wrong, but inside they do have that gratitude of I'm happy to be here, this is all fantastic, but but they point out all the negatives. So even those that voice those negative things that's one person may think perceive them to be negative, even they have internal gratitude and like are just happy to be there too. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:31

No, exactly. It's there are so many little corners that we can dive into with this, but yeah, and I think too, a lot of those things for parents go away after the first couple of games. Like you get used to the feels, the coach, the or ramp up tires. They could, they could, but I think in most cases, you kind of acclimate. So you go into that place that you don't love the chairs, but it's fine, the coffee's good. I mean, it's you kind of find your way because at the end of the day, I think they know that it's for the kids. And I went to my daughter's first game, and this is a common problem, but there's like a postage stamp of a parking lot, so everybody's parking around the neighborhood, and you're trying to find your way, and there was a a group there before, so that little parking lot was jams.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

It's just the stuff that when you first time yeah, you you know earlier. There isn't a lot of parking lot, so you're gonna have to park down the street.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Exactly. So the annoyances you can figure out as time goes on, even with whatever coaches or fields or whatever it might be, it's it's 99% good. Most of the parents are happy. Like my daughter's game, actually, it was such a great game because it was like a five-five tie, and they got a penalty shot to tie the game. It was just a crazy game, and the the fans are really into it. So the parents.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

So sometimes it can be fun, but so and one thing that I want to touch on is when we talk about expectations and kind of goal setting is how you measure that. So let's say, you know, we have the start of the season and we're not there yet, and maybe we can, you know, talk about this and bookend it at the end of the season. So often what I like to do is if you're looking to implement a healthy change, a healthy habit, a healthy mindset, a healthy intention, you know, there is a time period you can say for the next three months, my energy will be focused on eating well, into walking every day, walking upstairs every day, taking the stairs instead of you know, a small goal.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

A t-shirt that says, Where's the escalator?

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Exactly. So, how do you measure that? So setting up those expectations at the end of the season, when you leave, when it's that last game, and they have that fantastic metal or ribbon or something at the end of the season, how do you know when that you started out with those expectations? Did you well yeah, yeah, were you consistent with those expectations? Or I'd like to say with that focus or that intention? How can you measure that? You know, and so that's when people often say, Do you need goals to succeed? Because, first off, what is your success? What is what is the purpose? What is that? How do you measure success? Exactly. And how do you define success? What is success to you, you know? And if you have an intention, the only way for me, I that's why I think journaling is so important, because how you feel on that first day, you know, write about it. As a parent, write it down, even if it's just one paragraph. I felt a little angry at the club because it was a little unorganized. I felt rushed because there was traffic and we couldn't find a parking spot. I felt happy for my child because they were smiling. I felt good when they were on the field because it had it gave me a moment to relax and get caught up on those emails that I didn't, you know. So write-payer that doesn't pay attention, yeah. Well, like maybe, or write that down. And then maybe one month in write a little bit more. It doesn't have to be a journal every day, right? And then at the end, you're like, wow, look at how I started, look at how I felt when I first started and when the season first started, and my expectations, and they were met. My kid had fun throughout the whole time, you know. Or when something comes up, or when you feel those feelings again, write those feelings down. Ask your child on the drive home, how do you feel? How did you feel about today? Full stop. That's all you need to ask. How did you feel about today? I felt good, I felt happy, right? That's it. How were your feelings? And then measure those feelings like a feeling tracker, you know. Like there's so many ways I think to measure what your success is and what your intentions are. And just it doesn't have to be so specific. Like we want to be the best in the league, we want to win five games or you know.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's exactly it's a lot. There's a lot of things you could do, obviously, to set the expectations for a season. And you can't control everything. So kind of what you were saying, it would James Clear, really focus on the things that you have control over in some ways. And as Walsh said, the score will take care of itself.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Right. And you're right, building systems, you know, rather than fixated on that kind of end goal, just kind of thinking of those habits and your intentions, and remember to focus on the why. I mean, you always say, stop saying, you know, what's your why? But it's true. What is the why? Why are we here? Like joy, happy, fun, right? Isn't that it? Why are you laughing?

SPEAKER_02 35:07

When I think of expectations for a season, that's often what I think. Why am I here? What is going on?

SPEAKER_00 35:13

Yeah, you should be. You should be. Well, how how can you not be thinking, why am I here if you're setting up expectations? Like, how can you not? Why am I doing this? Why are we doing this? Right, right. And especially when the kid's like, I hate this, and gets in the car and is like, I hate it. Every package is like, I hate it. Why are we doing this?

SPEAKER_02 35:29

Yeah, yeah, no, of course, of course. I mean, if they hate it.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

I mean, and in the words of Walt Whitman, just be curious, not judgmental. And if a kid gets in the car and says, I hate it, just ask him why. Why do you hate it? Get curious, don't judge him. You can't hate it. I paid good money. You can't hate this. We're sticking to it. I hate it, I hate my coach, I hate my players. Why? Why do you hate them? You know, like just don't judge your child. Well, not that you ever would, but don't judge the coach. Don't judge the club. Just ask why and be curious and ask the club. I'm curious why my coach, this is his first year and he's never coached before. I'm curious as to why there isn't more parking, or you know, just ask. Yeah, yeah. And then just remember to focus on the why that you're there.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

It's really, it's just, it's simple. I know it really sounds like so grandeur. These are kids, you're talking, but honestly, it applies to everything, I believe.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, I think most parents are or people are not gonna think about this in as much depth as we've talked about. It's like you just go play your season, but having a little more reflection on the why part of this and prepping for the season, all those things makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

And us prepping for this season. Well, you know, one thing that's different for us for this season that we don't have?

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Matt.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

And to turn to Matt and say, Matt, what do you think? And then Matt just drops this fantastic bomb of just revelation or epiphany or just like a different view of things. You're just like, wow, out of nowhere. Just exactly.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Maybe we should invite him in occasionally just to sit there and be the third person and then he can or somehow incorporate you know, people that are listening.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

Maybe we do a live version. Maybe, you know, we always ask for the audience to go to the website, leave us a comment, leave us a message. Now we're um on Instagram, follow us on Instagram from the Park Bench Podcast, and just leave a message, send us a message, and leave a comment, let us know what you think. And uh and then we can even talk about some of those comments on the show and just kind of have that other perspective because it's just me and you talking. Yeah, and I would love to hear. I mean, it would be awesome to be live. How would you feel about going live?

SPEAKER_02 37:44

It's complicated. Are there any escalators involved? Uh yeah. I don't know. I think I mean, yeah, it would be interesting to have a parent on and just talk about a topic that makes sense and issues that they have and you know get a perspective. So I think so, or have a couple parents, you know. I like the idea for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

So who knows? Who knows what our expectations are for the season?

SPEAKER_02 38:06

Yeah, I didn't say mine because I don't want you to know. Oh, I'm just kidding. No, no, I'm joking. No, it's good. I I'm excited and uh I didn't ask you.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

That's true. You asked me. I should ask you.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Oh, it's too late now because we're at 45 minutes, so I don't think we can squeeze it in. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Uh next time. Maybe next time.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Okay, I'll ask. I won't forget. Well, as always, thank you, Ted. It was a fantastic episode and yeah, just lots to think about. And again, we do want to hear uh what you have to think about the show and just well, you have to think about what we talked about. Like good, bad, or otherwise. There's never a judgment on on leaving a comment. I mean, that's your opinion.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

Of course, of course.

SPEAKER_00 38:44

We want to hear it.

SPEAKER_02 38:45

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Yeah, so thank you.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Yeah, awesome.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

So chat soon from the park bench.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Yes.