Unraveling Anxiety: Unlocking Supportive Strategies for Mental Health with Monica Pitek-Fugedi

Ever wondered why anxiety often feels like a relentless fire alarm, blaring in your mind? Join me as I unravel this mystery with Monica Pitek-Fugedi, a licensed therapist and the founder of Anxiety Anecdotes. Together, we dismantle the stigma that often shrouds mental health struggles, emphasizing the universality of these experiences and the importance of speaking openly about them. Monica shares her profound insights on the hidden connections between anxiety, trauma, addictions and other mental health issues. By encouraging curiosity about our emotions, she helps us understand the role of these feelings in navigating our mental landscape. Monica also highlights the necessity of seeking professional help, particularly when anxiety and trauma feel overwhelming, and offers valuable guidance on recognizing when to reach out.

In our conversation, we delve into actionable strategies for managing anxiety, beginning with an understanding of its physiological roots. Monica introduces practical exercises, like deep diaphragmatic breathing and scent therapy, to calm the amygdala and counter irrational thoughts. With practical advice and a message of solidarity, Monica and I stress that you're never alone in your struggles and provide tools to help regain control over anxious emotions.

Guest Bio:
Monica is a licensed therapist, speaker, owner of Whole Mind Wellness therapy practice, and the founder of Anxiety Anecdotes, a platform dedicated to providing accessible mental health resources. With a specialty in treating anxiety and trauma, Monica combines evidence-based practices to help her clients thrive. She’s also an accomplished author and public speaker who is passionate about breaking the stigma around mental health. Whether through her private practice, workbooks, or podcast, Monica's mission is to make mental health support accessible to everyone.

Find Monica:
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This episode was produced by: Six-Two Studio

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Karen Sarmento is a passionate and dedicated Nurse Practitioner for more than 18 years, CEO at Sarmento Mentoring Services LLC, and a Proctor Gallagher Certified Mindset Mentor. She specializes in empowering women to tap into their true potential. She understands the unique challenges faced by women because she too has battled some major challenges in her life. Karen does not let that define her; she believes it’s the challenges that have made her the limitless woman she is today. She whole-heartedly believes we hold all the power within and that we should stand tall together in the pursuit of greatness.

Karen has served thousands over the course of her career and has spent many years studying directly with world class mentors to gain a deep understanding of the science behind human behaviour and learning about the success principals that create lasting change and transformation. She will share her insights with you so you can feel unstoppable and limitless too.

Find Karen:
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Transcript

Karen Sarmento:

0:01

Have you ever felt that inner whisper nudging you towards something greater? We truly are a force of nature possessing our own incredible power within. We are all here to identify our own personal definition of success. We all have a story to tell. Join me as I dive into empowering concepts and have powerful conversations with extraordinary humans who have shattered limitations, overcome adversity and created remarkable success. I'm your host, Karen Sarmento, and we are meant for more. Hello and welcome back to another episode of We Are Meant For More. Today, I have the absolute honour and pleasure to introduce you to Monica Pitek-Fugedi. Welcome, Monica.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

1:04

Hi, so good to be here. Thank you for having me.

Karen Sarmento:

1:14

I was really excited for this episode. This is such an important topic and it's so interesting and so needed to be talked about. So to the audience, a little bit about Monica. I'm going to read right from your bio so that I get this accurately stated Monica is a licensed therapist, speaker, owner of Whole Mind Wellness Therapy Practice and the founder of Anxiety Anecdotes, which is a platform dedicated to providing accessible mental health resources. So Monica has a specialty in treating anxiety and trauma and sounds like you combine evidence-based practices to help your clients thrive. So you're also an author and a public speaker, yes, so welcome.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

1:57

Thank you. Thank you, so good to be here.

Karen Sarmento:

2:00

So it sounds like your overall passion and your mission is really to break the stigma around mental illness and to really make dealt with it ourselves or somebody close to us. There is still a stigma around it. Why do you think that is?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

2:32

Well, I think that anytime there's anything that might poke us against feeling not perfect insecurity, then we're afraid of getting found out, so to speak. There's this imposter syndrome that comes up and mental illness, mental health is something we all deal with, whether we are diagnosable as a disorder or we just struggle with some anxiety, some stress, whatever. Those are all mental health issues, and the more that we don't talk about it, the more that shame builds around it and shame lives in silence and it grows in silence, and the only way to destroy shame is to start to speak about it. And so this stigma comes up, because I think we don't speak about it.

Karen Sarmento:

3:20

So the more that we give voice to the normalcy of struggles, then the less shame people who are going through struggles, feel I think your work is so powerful and that what you just explained there people feeling that need to be perfect and being, as you said, found out there's such a shame like, oh no, they'll know, I'm not perfect, and oftentimes people know already there's something going on. Or to the person sitting there right now that's listening and already feels like she's talking to me and they're starting to tune in. What are some of the first steps somebody could take who feels they might be dealing with some sort of mental health issue?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

4:08

Well, the first step, obviously, is recognizing that you have a mental health issue, and if you are listening and thinking, hmm, I feel like an imposter sometimes I feel this and that it doesn't mean that you're diagnosable. Like I said, it just means that, okay, you're struggling and that is something to pay attention to. That you're diagnosable, Like I said, it just means that, okay, you're struggling and that is something to pay attention to Anytime you're struggling. Pay attention to it because it's telling you something. So the first thing to do really is to get curious, Ask yourself what is this emotion telling me?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

4:38

I always say whatever emotion it is, and I'll use anxiety as an example. But if this anxiety had a voice, what would it be telling me? And then you will be able to understand the narrative that's going on. It might be saying well, it's going to tell me that I am completely going to bomb this presentation and everyone's going to judge me. All right, now we can unpack that a little bit more and there are ways that you can definitely do these things on your own and as long as you're curious and pause, I always say the power is in the pause and you can get all the information that you need.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

5:11

If you continue to be curious Now, a mental health therapist is also somebody that you can go to if you want to seek help with the guidance of somebody else, somebody who's trained in the specialty of the trouble, the challenges that you might be facing, especially in anxiety and trauma. So for me those would be the clients that would come to me. But if you're struggling with an eating disorder, if you're struggling with something else, seeking somebody that can really have some education and background in that field can be so helpful.

Karen Sarmento:

5:41

And is anxiety sometimes at the root of other addictions like alcohol or drugs, when people are utilizing those mechanisms to kind of self-soothe or to relieve the anxiety.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

5:55

Yeah, it typically is. In fact, I might even go a step further and say that trauma is usually at the root of all those and anxiety is the way it manifests. Because we all have trauma, whether it's little T trauma or big T trauma, big T traumas being those natural disasters and things that we can really put our fingers on domestic violence, those kinds of things little T traumas being little things that kind of take us out of our state of homeostasis for too long or too quickly and puts us into a state of panic that we're not able to repair from. And all of us have trauma, and I think that's important to realize too. Like birth in itself is a trauma, when we're born, you know that's a big thing, and when we're not aware of what the things around us that are causing us to feel unsettled, then anxiety tends to manifest. And then we start telling ourselves a story that, oh, I have to be this way or that way or I'm not good enough, and it stops us really from living the life that we are meant to live.

Karen Sarmento:

6:59

And, I'm sure, with varying degrees of anxiety impacting life in varying degrees and then requiring varying degrees of treatment. So anxiety is one of your specialties. What would you say to the person who has anxiety? Say, even if it was just a mild, low level anxiety like even myself, you know whether it's when it's time to go to sleep the mind starts racing. Or I actually know somebody who has what they would describe as panic attacks and they just say this, like this sudden onset of severe panic and just an anxiety. What would you suggest to those people that they could even incorporate into their life, or even just some general day-to-day things that can help to kind of keep that?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

7:49

at bay, sure, so the first thing that I think is really important to know is that anxiety lives in your body first, and before you can get cognitive thought to it. A lot of the times we try to think our way out of anxiety, but what happens is we have this little part in our brain called the amygdala, which is called the fire, we call it the fire alarm center of the brain, and it's whenever anything comes in. It goes off if it perceives a threat, and what happens is I like to describe it as a traffic jam so the amygdala lights up as if there's those cones on the road and none of the traffic can get through to the prefrontal cortex, which is where your higher order thinking lives, that rational, logical thought, which is why, a lot of the times, people with anxiety are like I don't know why, this doesn't make any sense, like I know better, I don't get it. And then they start to feel like they're crazy because they are not able to do the things that their mind is telling them they should be able to do, and the reason is because the amygdala is not letting that logical thought come through. And that's really important to know, because the first thing to do is to know where that anxiety fits in your body. So do a body scan from head to toe and just from each part of your body, from head to toe and just from each part of your body. Think about what part is tense and whatever part is tense. Do some deep, diaphragmatic breathing, of like inhale through the nose for like four seconds, hold it and then exhale for five seconds. This helps to calm the body down. Another real, like quick way to help reduce anxiety is to do three short breaths in and one long exhale out. So it would look like this, and so you would do that a number of times until your body starts to calm. This activates what's called the vagus nerve, which is a whole other podcast. It's basically, in a nutshell, the longest running nerve from our base of our neck to our gut, and it controls the parasympathetic response, which is our calming response. So there's lots of exercises that you can do to calm the vagus nerve.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

9:50

Now, once you feel like your body is calm enough, now you can do something, an exercise that I really, really like, and I like to call it a court of law. I didn't make it up. I wish I did. I don't know who did, or I would credit that person. But you know, I'm sure people use it all over the place, but I really like it.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

10:07

Anyways, what it is is you allow yourself to have whatever anxiety thought it is. So we'll say, for example, again I am going to, I'm going to go to this party and everyone is going to judge me because they're not going to like the outfit I have on. That is what your anxiety is telling you. The next step is can I prove this in a court of law? The answer to that is always going to be no, because the law is theoretically based on logic. And if I cannot prove logically that everyone is going to judge me for my outfit, then I know this must be an irrational thought. So now I go to the next step, which is can I consider, can I consider, alternatives to my irrational belief that everyone's going to judge me? Well, yes, I can consider that maybe there are going to be people that really like my outfit, maybe there'll be people that don't even care either way and maybe nobody will judge me at all. Does that mean you're going to be completely okay and comfortable going into the party? No, it doesn't. What it means is okay. I do have this thought and this fear, but I can carry it alongside me because what I also have is a consideration that it might not be that way Because, remember, anxiety tells us it's 100% going to be bad all the time. So those are some real quick tools that can help.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

11:27

And one other thing I'm going to say, because this is a really good one the amygdala is is the only part of your brain that responds to scent, and so you might know, when you walk down during the holidays, we'll say or you're smelling evergreen, it reminds you of Christmas.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

11:41

A smell will bring you back to a memory. So one thing that you can do and I carry these tiny little essential oil things they can be the cheap ones, they don't have to be expensive, because all you need is the scent. I carry in my purse, in my car, wherever I am, of a scent that I really like. For me it's orange, and when I'm starting to feel just a little bit heightened, I'll sniff it. During COVID, one of the things you could do is put it on your mask and just have it there so you could be inhaling the scent that brings peace to you, and what that does is it tells you, your amygdala that wait a minute. This isn't totally a threat, because something smells good and I feel good, so it takes it offline just a little bit.

Karen Sarmento:

12:20

Love that. So that could be any scent, and not even necessarily essential oils or something. So that could be any scent, and not even necessarily essential oils or something, but something that brings you pleasure. Yeah, I find we often use memories to a disservice. We remember and recall things that are unsettling, but not necessarily as a way to bring us back to a happy place or a peaceful, comforting place. Right, I wanted to back up to something that you said about. Anxiety is first stored in the body. Do you mean physically stored in the body, because when you said doing a body scan and say you kind of just feel like fidgety and somebody's just anxious and sort of say you're feeling it in your hands or do you mean you're physically storing an event of some sort in the body, or the anxiety itself can kind of be rid with movement?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

13:12

Yeah, so both of those things are true. You are physically storing it in your body. So it might help to give you a little bit of a background of anxiety how it started. Anxiety is actually a really good thing, and when we recognize it as something that is trying to protect us, then we can reframe the way that we connect to it. So back in the day, when we literally had to be aware of all the wild animals that might come and attack us.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

13:39

What happens is that we see a lion come and our anxiety says oh my gosh, there's a lion. Get out of the way or lie down and freeze. Whatever it tells your body to do to stay safe. Cuts off the logical thought. Your body does what anxiety tells you to do. Present day, if you're in a traffic situation on a highway and somebody cuts you off, anxiety keeps you alive. If you didn't have anxiety, you would just keep going straight. So anxiety goes right to your body and says oh my gosh, move Without thought.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

14:12

It's a knee-jerk reaction and sometimes the body and the mind act so quickly together that we think our thoughts are the ones that are driving, but it's really our body and our nervous system that is driving our behavior and it's telling our thoughts what to think. That's why it's so important to know what's happening in our body first. So anxiety sits in what's called the sympathetic nervous system and basically that's energy. So it doesn't have to be anxiety. But to your point that you said, you know moving it around. Moving around absolutely is a great way to diffuse from anxiety, because what you need to do is bring that energy and your nervous system into a state that feels that it is a little bit more connected and a little bit more safe. If you can go out and walk, if you can do yoga is wonderful. Our trauma and a lot of anxiety is held right in our hips, so hip exercises are a great way to release that trauma from your body as well.

Karen Sarmento:

15:15

That is fascinating. So your platform is called Anxiety Anecdotes. Yeah, what does that platform look like? What sort of what can clients or what would the listeners may find there?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

15:30

Yeah, so I have a practice called Whole Mind Wellness, but that is for people who want actual therapy. So what I did was I did kind of an offshoot of that and I wanted to offer more to people. Basically, my goal is to provide information and therapy to people who can't get to therapy, and I want to go for the masses. So Anxiety Anecdotes is a website that I have created that houses information like workbooks. I've created worksheets, I've created online courses and membership sites and a newsletter so that you can have access to me in a way that isn't necessarily like the one-on-one therapeutic way, and so it provides a lot of resourcing that is above and beyond the one-on-one therapy that I provide.

Karen Sarmento:

16:23

I hope everybody's hearing that because that's really that can be life-changing for people that are A nervous to seek professional help through a provider and maybe work one-on-one. But it allows them access to kind of comfortably poke around and see what's in there, get some strategies and also to realize that they're not alone in that journey.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

16:51

Yeah, absolutely, and I'm in the process right now by the time this airs it might be up and running of creating a membership site as well for people who want a little bit extra and want to have access, like once a month, live with me, to be in a group, to ask questions, to strategize, that sort of thing. That can be really, really useful as well.

Karen Sarmento:

17:12

Mm-hmm, and that is definitely my goal here with having you here today, because I genuinely was really excited for this, because you do offer services in varying degrees that are easily accessible to anyone and you also have a podcast called Anxiety Anecdotes as well.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

17:33

I do, which is they're short episodes that just give you there's a little bit of. This is a problem, this is a solution kind of a thing, and I always welcome people to write in and ask for a topic to be discussed and I'm always happy to discuss that as well.

Karen Sarmento:

17:51

So great. I'm so thankful. This is so informative and I know you are going to help so many people with your work. Thank you, so we're best. And I actually had to laugh at the title here, because I always kind of get a feel from from the guest what they see as the title for the podcast and how to not suck at life. Something I, something I try. Please don't let me suck at life. Something I try. Please don't let me suck at life, at least not today.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

18:20

How did you come up with that. Well, it's funny, because so humor is my natural go-to and I'm a very natural sarcastic, dry person, and so I have spent my life. Every time I mess up, I'm always like I suck at life. Oh, I suck at life and it's just like something that I do which is self-deprecating, but also it's just something I do, and so I realized, when I was I did a keynote address on this as well at a conference that I was at and I was like gosh, what should I call it? I'm like, oh my gosh, it's perfect. How not to suck at life? Because this is something that I just always said to myself.

Karen Sarmento:

19:07

And so that's how I came up with the title. I love it.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

19:09

I love it. And who doesn't want to tune into that episode? Right, I think we can all relate.

Karen Sarmento:

19:12

Absolutely, and humor is huge. I mean, it's just, it really is. I find a lot, of, a lot of grace out of humor. It carries me through a lot of situations.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

19:24

For sure, for sure. And it's a great diffuser technique when you're anxious laughing, because laughing actually ignites that vagus nerve too, which the parasympathetic response. So when you can laugh, that's great, the parasympathetic response.

Karen Sarmento:

19:36

So when you can laugh, that's great. Does it work too if something isn't actually nothing's happening, that's even funny. Can you fool either the subconscious or to just start laughing?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

19:50

Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, you can actually even just think about something funny, or even if you just do a fake laugh for a little bit, it still gives the same response, because what's happening is it's not like it's not necessarily the memory of something funny, it's the physical act of laughing that activates the vagus nerve. So you don't actually have to think it's funny. I could be laughing at this flower behind me and well, that makes me laugh for real, but it would activate my vagus nerve. So it calmed me a little bit, because who's upset when they're laughing? If you're laughing, you're not upset at that moment.

Karen Sarmento:

20:23

Right, so there's an easy, easy fix. Does that apply to smiling too?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

20:31

Smiling is really great. We hold some parasympathetic nerves in our face, in our cranial nerve in our face, and so smiling really helps a lot. Gargling is really good. Holding an ice cube in your hand or splashing cold water on your face is a great way to calm as well. There's actually a lot of really really good ways to help calm the nervous system that are super easy and you can do them even without people noticing, Like if you just tap on your collarbone a little bit, or you might want to do a butterfly tap, you could do that while you're sitting and people would just think that you're just I don't know just sitting there doing something weird, but nobody would really pay too much attention and that's really good because that also activates that calming nerve too. Wow, and if you do that as you breathe, like as you intentionally breathe in a diaphragmatic way, or those two inhales and then exhale, that is a double whammy kind of to help you calm down.

Karen Sarmento:

21:28

That's beautiful, beautiful Helps the person to at least kind of feel like they're a little more in control of the situation.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

21:36

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because we have to remember, when we're feeling anxious, often our body feels stuck and we don't want to. It doesn't want to do anything because it's protecting you. And I mean, even when freezing would be a stuck state, of course. And then when you run or you fight, whatever, your body is still kind of stuck in that state of anxiety. So it's really important to take yourself out of that stuck point by changing either the scenery or changing something you're doing physically.

Karen Sarmento:

22:05

So before I share with the listeners where they can find you and all your different resources, is there anything else you feel we haven't touched upon that could help somebody out there right now that's sitting with anxiety or even another form of mental illness.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

22:22

Yeah, I think the greatest thing that anybody can really understand and absorb is that you are not alone, and every single person is going through something, whether it's been a chronic thing that you have been going through or something that is a situational thing. Just because it's not talked about doesn't mean that not everybody is suffering from it, and it's really important to understand that. If you can start talking about your story and that might mean to you that might mean just writing it down, it doesn't mean maybe talking to somebody, maybe you're not ready for that yet, but even writing it down brings it to life Again. Going back to that shame. If there's any shame around it, shame will live in silence and it feeds off of silence. So the more that you can get that story and those words out, shame is like well, I don't have any place here anymore, I don't know what to do, and then we can kind of get rid of it. And so it is really important to know that none of us are alone and it's okay to not be. Okay, it really is.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

23:27

And the biggest thing I like people to know is that every story has its meaning. Everything that you do has a reason for it. You're not crazy, you're not irrational, even though your actions might say otherwise. There is a reason that you do the things that you do, and the reason usually stems from a very early part of your life. And this is where I say stay curious, keep going back in time of I'm feeling this way.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

23:54

What is this saying about me, I wonder, when the last time I felt this was, when the last time I felt, and when the last time? And what was going on? You might come to a conclusion that, oh, I remember feeling this way when I was five years old, when my dad, you know, told me I couldn't play baseball or something. And then that becomes the reason that you act the way that you do, remembering that the way that we are raised and the way that we felt seen, safe and connected growing up, and the way that we felt loved, that's what we carry into adulthood and we keep that story going until we break the cycle. And the only way that we can break the cycle is to really do some deep diving and personal growth.

Karen Sarmento:

24:37

And that takes some commitment. And I love the word you used curious. It feels, it doesn't feel threatening, it doesn't feel scary, it feels manageable. Yeah, just being curious and noticing what you're feeling.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

24:52

Yeah, noticing what you're noticing, that's, it's actually called the observing self. Noticing what you're noticing, that's, it's actually called the observing self. Noticing what you're noticing about what's happening and when you're curious. You're not accusatory, you're not defensive, you're just huh, I wonder what that's about.

Karen Sarmento:

25:06

Speaking of noticing, what would you say to the person? What if you're noticing this in a loved one, or you're noticing it in a friend and you're observing some things that you feel are either a concerning or that you're just plain worried about them, that they're not mentally well? How?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

25:27

do you?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

25:27

approach that the first thing I think that is important to understand is that everybody needs to feel seen and safe first.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

25:38

Without that element, you will get no information from them. So the first thing is to first say hey, I really care about you a lot, and things like I don't know what I would do without this relationship that we have. You've brought so much to my life. I have noticed a little bit of change, though, recently, and you seem a little bit withdrawn and and I'm wondering if there's something going on that maybe, maybe you want to talk about. Even if not to me, I just want to let you know that I'm a safe space and and I just want to let you know that I noticed this and it's only because I care about you and I love you so much. Like the sandwich technique, right the good. What you want to say, the good again, Because if I always say, like in education, like no education, no learning happens without a relationship, and the same thing happens with interpersonal relationships to no growth in your relationship or personally is going to happen until I feel like you care about me.

Karen Sarmento:

26:39

Absolutely Especially something like your mental health, where it's so personal and it could easily be taken as an attack with the wrong delivery.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

26:48

Yeah.

Karen Sarmento:

26:49

So I appreciate that answer. That's very helpful. Thank you.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

26:53

Yeah.

Karen Sarmento:

26:53

Thank you so much for all this amazing information, as we briefly touched upon you have. Actually, I don't even think we touched upon the newsletter. You have a newsletter as well.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

27:04

I do. I have a newsletter and a blog on anxiety anecdotes. The newsletter is just short bullet points, because I like to treat people like I like to be treated and I don't like to read long paragraphs. So I'm going to give you I'm a very bottom and I don't like to read long paragraphs, so I'm going to give you I'm a very bottom line kind of a girl. So the newsletter is like hey, this is a great little technique for anxiety. This is an online course coming up that you might be able to get a discount on. This is new membership site, whatever it is, so that you can just be in the know.

Karen Sarmento:

27:36

So where is the best place for people to find you and to sign up for that newsletter and to be in the know with what you have to offer?

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

27:44

Yeah, so you'll just want to go to anxietyanecdotescom and you will see a place to sign up for the newsletter there, as well as some other resources that you can have.

Karen Sarmento:

27:56

Wonderful, and all that information will be in the show notes for people that are listening to the podcast. You'll see that in the show notes, but nice for them to have that here so people can find it right away. Oh, monica, thank you so much. I really, really appreciate you being here and discussing such an important topic.

Monica Pitek-Fugedi:

28:15

Thank you so much. I'm always so happy to spread the word about mental health, and so I'm really honored that you had me on this podcast. I really enjoyed speaking with you.

Karen Sarmento:

28:25

My pleasure and your listeners, yes, and to the listeners anybody that you feel could benefit from this episode, please share, so you can help Monica to get the word out for resources, support and to get rid of the stigma around mental health issues, because you're not alone, and thank you to everybody for being here. Thank you, Monica, and we will see you next time. Remember, whatever challenges you're facing or have faced in the past, they don't define you. You are worthy, capable and destined for greatness. Let's embrace the whispers of possibility together, because together we rise and we are meant for more.

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