Real & Raw Leadership with Clare Garner

Warning: This episode contains conversations around domestic abuse which may be triggering for some listeners.

What if embracing vulnerability could transform your leadership style and redefine success? This episode I sit down with Clare Garner, the visionary founder of the Real and Raw Leaders Movement, who shares her inspiring journey from feeling lost in the coaching industry to discovering her authentic self on a life-altering holiday in Turkey. Clare opens up about the power of vulnerability and how it can be a source of strength and connection, challenging the traditional notion that leaders must maintain a façade of perfection. Her story is not only a testament to the courage it takes to be real but also a call for leaders to showcase their human side, fostering genuine connections and unexpected respect.

Join us as we unpack the liberating power of vulnerability with Clare, exploring how both seasoned speakers and newcomers can embrace their personal stories with authenticity. Through a series of engaging discussions, we delve into the nuances of storytelling, emphasizing the importance of overcoming fear to share one's truth. Clare offers practical advice and relatable examples, encouraging listeners to step beyond their comfort zones as a pathway to growth and deeper connections. This episode serves as a beacon for those ready to embrace their realness and unlock the greatness within.

Guest Bio:

Clare is a speaker, the force behind the Real & Raw Leaders Movement, Mentor to other movement makers & Host of the Dare to Share Challenge

An entrepreneur of over a decade, author, mum of 2 and domestic abuse survivor. Clare is on a mission to change the online space & the way we view Leadership by Creating Legendary stages to showcase Real & Raw Leaders, mentoring first time speakers and spreading her message worldwide.

Founder Dare2Share Challenge™️ & The Real & Raw leaders Movement™️

Birthed from her own darkness of loosing herself in the online space, the Real & Raw Leaders movement is all about showcasing the Human behind the perception.

Pulling back the curtains, removing the smoke and mirrors and showing others that behind the scenes - we are all experiencing the same feelings, thoughts and emotions. Empowering everyone who watches us go first, to realize if we can do it, whilst still navigating this crazy thing called life - they can too.

Find Clare:

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This episode was produced by: six-two.studio

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Karen Sarmento is a passionate and dedicated Nurse Practitioner for more than 18 years, CEO at Sarmento Mentoring Services LLC, and a Proctor Gallagher Certified Mindset Mentor. She specializes in empowering women to tap into their true potential. She understands the unique challenges faced by women because she too has battled some major challenges in her life. Karen does not let that define her; she believes it’s the challenges that have made her the limitless woman she is today. She whole-heartedly believes we hold all the power within and that we should stand tall together in the pursuit of greatness.

Karen has served thousands over the course of her career and has spent many years studying directly with world class mentors to gain a deep understanding of the science behind human behaviour and learning about the success principals that create lasting change and transformation. She will share her insights with you so you can feel unstoppable and limitless too.

Find Karen:
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Transcript

Karen Sarmento:

0:01

Have you ever felt that inner whisper nudging you towards something greater? We truly are a force of nature possessing our own incredible power within. We are all here to identify our own personal definition of success. We all have a story to tell. Join me as I dive into empowering concepts and have powerful conversations with extraordinary humans who have shattered limitations, overcome adversity and created remarkable success. I'm your host, Karen Sarmento, and we are meant for more. Hello and welcome back to another episode of We Are Meant For More. Today, I have an amazing guest that I'm very excited to share with you. Her name is Clare Garner. Welcome, Clare.

Clare Garner:

1:04

Welcome. Thank you for having me.

Karen Sarmento:

1:07

Oh, it's our pleasure. I'm really excited for this. I'm super excited. Yeah, your work is amazing. So I am going to introduce you to the audience and tell them a little bit about you, and I know they are just going to get so much from this, I just have to put my glasses on, though, so I don't.

Karen Sarmento:

1:26

So Claire is a speaker, the force behind the Real and Raw Leaders Movement, mentor to other movement makers and host of the Dare to Share Challenge. She's been an entrepreneur for over a decade. She's an author and the mom of two and a domestic abuse survivor. You're on a mission now, claire, to change the online space and the way we view leadership by creating legendary stages to showcase real and raw leaders. You also mentor first-time speakers and you're spreading this message worldwide and, to kind of summarize, the Real and Raw Leaders Movement is all about showcasing the human behind the perception, so kind of pulling back the curtain, removing the smoke and mirrors and showing others that behind the scenes, we're all the same. That's fascinating. So the Real and Raw Leaders Movement tell us what that is and where it came from. Well, this is the story right.

Clare Garner:

2:41

This is my mountain to my movement, my pivotal transformation, if you like, and the very long story short is, as you said, I've been an entrepreneur for a decade, but this year so 2024, I found myself actually in the coaching space for really the first time. I've never been in this industry before and I found myself very lost. I found myself very stuck in comparison, stuck in consumption and really lost is the best word to describe it and unable to find my voice, unable to tell my own thoughts from all of the noise that I was surrounded by in the online space. And eventually, what happened is in April, I was actually on holiday in Turkey. I had no internet whilst I was out there and at this time, I was a complete workaholic.

Karen Sarmento:

3:42

So that was like the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

Clare Garner:

3:45

You know lo, and behold, you go on holiday and you can't work God forbid. But for me it was. It was a real like what am I meant to do? All I know is work. This is what we're told. Success is Right. And so that week really was the catalyst of realizing things needed to change. And it ended with a phone call to my mentor, dangling over the balcony, if you will like to envision this, because there's no internet. I don't know why we chose a zoom call of all things, because we know what zoom is like at the best of times. So we're here on zoom video as well. Video you couldn't see anything, just about get voice Dangling over the balcony to try and get some reception. Tears running down my face and just really agonizing to my mental breaking down, saying I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know who I do anymore, I don't know who I am, I don't know why I feel like this. I just don't know where to go from here.

Clare Garner:

4:53

and her words to me were I can tell you, but I need to know that you're ready to hear it, and we all know that if we hit something like that it's going to be hard and just to tie that up for you, that was the start of me stopping everything that I had known to that point and deciding to really go inwards and go on a journey of self-exploration. I called it the void, and that lasted a month, and through that month I shared my story in real time, and the movement was born through my own daring to share and showing my realness and my rawness, with all of the warts, all of the pain, all of the ugliness and everything in between, and that ultimately led to where I am now.

Karen Sarmento:

5:47

Wow, I applaud you for that. Thanks for sharing, because it's not easy to be vulnerable and share our story.

Clare Garner:

5:56

Yeah, and that's why it was so powerful, because the things that I was sharing were the things that were made to believe. Are the things that you don't share, especially as leaders, the things that you would never, in a million years, consider talking about, because we'll lose credibility, we'll lose authority, we'll lose clients, we'll lose respect, we'll lose everything that we've spent so long trying to build, and what actually happened was the complete opposite.

Karen Sarmento:

6:29

I'm going to dig a little deeper on that because it's so interesting, because I know people feel like, if they're vulnerable and they share their imperfections, oh my gosh. People think I'm not perfect and, as you said, I'll lose my credibility, they won't respect me, and it actually turned out the opposite. So why do you think it is that, even though we wouldn't do that to somebody else, we wouldn't lose respect for somebody else? Why is it so scary to be vulnerable and share the real, raw story?

Clare Garner:

7:07

It's because that's the way that we're made to believe leadership should be. You know, if we look at our world, if we look at politicians, if we look at people running the show, right, the big I am's out there, the big I am's out there they show us. And the media and the TV and the radio and everything around us tells us that we should put on a strong face, that if you show vulnerability, that is a sign of weakness. And as soon as you show a sign of weakness, you'll get eaten alive. You know the wolves will come in and you'll never survive.

Clare Garner:

7:48

And the reality is that when we do that, we build this barrier between who we actually are and the amount that our audience and our communities can connect with us, because they can never penetrate through that barrier because we're not willing to remove it. We're hiding behind it. But when we remove that, or the smoke in the mirrors or the curtains, whatever you like to call it, when we actually remove all of that and we see the human, and we see that actually, and we see the human and we see that actually, oh, you mean you have kids that drive you crazy as well. Oh, you mean you've had failed launches. Oh, you mean, you still have imposter syndrome, you worry before you get on a stage, all of these things.

Clare Garner:

8:42

When we start sharing that, the people who are watching us as leaders realize that they're not so different after all. And that must mean that if you can do it, they can do it too. And for me that's what this is all about. It's that true empowerment and connection piece that there is power in relatability. And the more that we share and the that we show and the more that we say our truth, the more that we empower others to do the same.

Karen Sarmento:

9:13

Beautiful. I'm so thankful for people like yourself that do that work, because when you're holding on to your story because you feel so alone you're, it then makes you feel even smaller, and then you dim the light even more and then even more, so that you're you go unseen. Maybe nobody will figure it out that I have issues.

Clare Garner:

9:40

We all have issues.

Karen Sarmento:

9:43

Isn't that the funny part, though? Because we know we all have issues. I know I have issues. Of course, we're human, so it certainly makes sense to band together and help others realize it's okay to be vulnerable.

Clare Garner:

10:11

What kind of strength and power came out of you telling your story. What did it feel like on the other side? You know, the best word that I use to describe this is liberation, because you know, as Brené Brown says, shame hides in the dark, and the thing that we fear the most, the thing that we're scared of saying the most, someone's going to find out that, whatever right, whatever that thing is to you and that can be many different things it can be, you know, a big trauma in your life, or it can be something that others might perceive as really that worried you, but for you it's a big deal. But whatever it is that you feel that way about, it's holding you back, because you're like you just said, you're never going to show up fully, because there's always that fear of slipping up or of someone finding out, or of someone putting two and two together and making four, and you're like, oh my God, how did that happen? But when we say it, when we share it, there's nothing left for anyone else to find, because we've already spoken our truth.

Clare Garner:

11:11

So what's the worst that can happen? The worst that can happen is someone says why, why did you say that? And that is completely irrelevant, because you said it, because you wanted to say it, and if you desire to say it, then you should say it because that's your purpose. So the strength comes from removing the shame, removing the fear, removing the what if and having a true sense of liberation and empowerment and knowing that there's nothing left to be found out and therefore you can go wherever you want to go, you can say whatever you want to say, because there's nothing to fear anymore.

Karen Sarmento:

11:52

That's amazing, so real and raw. When people come to you and they want to share their story or they feel like, okay, I'm ready, I want to do this, I want to be real and raw, what are the challenges or how do you help somebody to do that? How do you help them to be real and raw and find the boundaries of their stories that are comfortable and or help them take those steps?

Clare Garner:

12:20

Yeah. So the people that come on my stage is most of them are seasoned speakers, so they've had experience, they know how to share their story. They're not, you know, all the time newbies, although I do mentor newbies as well. But what I love the most and I do this mostly through my dare to share challenge is I ask them to stretch that level of vulnerability and so I say you know, go wherever you want to go, but then go further. So whatever you would normally say, whatever you would normally share, I want you to go deeper. I want you to get to the point that you would normally stop, and then I want you to give it some more. Because that part right there is the stretch, that's the expansion. Part right there is the stretch, that's the expansion. And what I love so much about my stages is it doesn't matter what level of speaking experience you have. Every single person that comes on says I really stretched myself, that was really vulnerable.

Clare Garner:

13:22

You know they're like they're seasoned speakers and they're like shaking and they've got the sweats and they're like, oh, my God, god, am I going to say this? And it might not seem like a big deal to us listening, but for them it's something that they just haven't shared before for whatever reason, and it's just going that extra bit right. It's going to your edge and then pushing it a little bit further. It's not gonna feel comfortable. That's the whole point. Growth is in the discomfort. But if you can share in whatever way, whether it's on a stage or it's in your content, whether it's in real life, whatever that is for you, whatever your platform is, if you can find that edge and you can then go a little bit further and feel the discomfort, that's when you know that you're getting more vulnerable than you've been before and that right there is the key spot Beautiful and, as you said, that's where the growth happens.

Karen Sarmento:

14:19

So you do the thing. That's difficult or where you stretched yourself a little past your comfort zone. That's when you grow. Exactly To the listener who's sitting there right now saying, oh my gosh, I have a story that I know I have shame around or I have guilt or embarrassment or something surrounding that story, that it's the hush hush and the. I hope nobody finds me out, and usually people know anyway. But what do you say to that person? How do they begin to embrace their story when there is shame around it or there is guilt that they keep carrying? They pack it up every day and carry it with them.

Clare Garner:

15:04

I think the first thing I would say and I say this to all of the people in my world sharing your story is not about airing your dirty laundry.

Clare Garner:

15:13

Okay especially for us Brits because we're very, you know, stiff upper lip and we're kind of poised and we have a certain way of doing things, and it's not about wanting attention or being seen as the victim. That's a big thing that people have, you know, am I going to be seen as a victim? Are people going to think that I'm moaning or complaining or whining, you know all of these things that we have, and it's not about any of that. So the first thing that I would say to anyone listening is if you don't desire to talk about a part of your story, if you have no urge there at all, don't talk about it. Right, that's fine, but make sure that you're not trying to convince yourself that you don't want to talk about it because you're scared.

Clare Garner:

16:04

So know the difference between fear and actually irrelevance, because it it's not important to you. So the first key is to make sure that you really understand where your energy is and if it is something that is just like meh doesn't mean anything to me or it's that feeling of shame, that feeling of fear. So if you do have a desire to speak about it, but you have that fear and that shame, then I would suggest that you start from where you are now. So again, whatever your platform is, create a post, create a talk, you know, whatever it is, where you are now and where you were, let's say, 10 years ago. Okay, so talk about who you are now, then talk about who you were 10 years ago, and then find the golden thread between those two points and share a bit of that journey, you don't?

Clare Garner:

17:05

have to go all in to start with, but start planting the seeds for your audience to say I'm going to start sharing more about this, I'm going to start bringing you into my world so that you really understand me. And if I can, karen, I'd love to just give a little example from a TV program that I watched the other day. Absolutely Okay. So I'm watching this program teen flick right called heartbreaker. I really recommend it if you like teen flips. But the storyline essentially was around two gay boys like in school, who were like finding their way as as gay men essentially. And it was such a cute, heartwarming story.

Clare Garner:

17:52

I was engrossed, okay, and there were, I think three seasons and I binged it every single day as much as I could. If I ever cram in half an hour at any point, I was there watching it. You know why? Because I wanted to see how it ended. I wanted to see them happy together. I wanted to see that they figured it all out and that everything was okay and that they got their happy ever after.

Clare Garner:

18:22

And this is the power of storytelling Because when you bring people along on your story, on your journey with you, they're watching you like a movie, they're binging you, they're engrossed in every single thing that you're doing, because they want to see your happy ending. They want to see how you're going to figure it out and how you're leading yourself through it and the lessons that you're learning. And they're sat watching, but they're also learning from you as they watch how you lead yourself. And this is how it's so powerful, because you're painting the picture of the movie and everyone watching always wants the hero to win and if you show them the hero that you are, they will be cheering for you and they will be with you until the very end.

Karen Sarmento:

19:15

That is powerful. Why do you think oftentimes we don't think people want us to win? Like you said there, you couldn't wait to see them get their happy ending and to see them be vulnerable and, you know, win, just have it work for them. Why do you think the fear is that people are waiting for us to fail? I know I feel like a lot of people think exactly that, that people are watching and waiting for you to fail.

Clare Garner:

19:47

Well, the first thing I would say is, everyone's too absorbed in their own worlds to really care if you fail or not. That's a perception, right, if you feel that. It's a perception that you have, and so the mirror back to you is really, why do you think that? You know, why do you think that everyone wants you to fail? That's an internal thing that generally you need to work through.

Clare Garner:

20:11

If you have that perception but also it comes from a lot of it, from childhood, I think you know I know a lot of people in my space that's where it stems from and it's you know, it's that mindset of comparison and of scarcity, essentially because it normally feeds back to there's not enough to go around If someone else back to, there's not enough to go around, If someone else is successful, there's not enough for me.

Clare Garner:

20:35

If I'm successful, they're not going to like me anymore because they're going to think X, y, z. It all generally boils down to fear of rejection from the tribe or fear of lack, fear of not being enough, fear of scarcity. And so if we can really look at it for the mirror that it is and ask ourselves, why do we think that and do you have evidence that is showing you that? And if you do, I would maybe suggest looking at your circle and who you have around you and getting into different circles, because there's no comparison, there's no competition at the top, it's just collaboration, it's community, it's connection, and that mindset keeps people at the bottom, and I know for me that's where I was, for many, many years.

Karen Sarmento:

21:28

There's so much power in what you just broke down with the question I asked, and how you broke that down is amazing, because it's often a story we've created in our head and then, if it is a true story, then maybe you need a new circle. The real and raw challenge makes makes no, no, I'm sorry the dare to share challenge. Tell us about that, what that is. The dead share challenge is really fun.

Clare Garner:

21:59

I think it's fun. The people you come on it maybe have other to say, but um, it's challenging, right, that's what it is. Uh, so this was born from that, that month of me being in the void that I spoke about earlier, and basically through that month, as I mentioned, I was sharing anything and everything that I was feeling on any given day and that was, you know, me breaking down. It was me drawing red lipstick and warrior paint all over myself. It was me doing naked photo shoots with vulnerable poses, because that's how I felt at the time. It was everything. There was nothing that I was hiding and as I started to kind of come out of the other side of it a few weeks kind of in can't tell you where it came from. You know intuition, download, universe, whatever you want to call it, but I just had this, this drop of daring to share, and it was just as if there was this voice that said dare to share. You've just dared to share. This is the thing, this is the vehicle, this is what you're meant to do, and the real and the raw came literally straight after.

Clare Garner:

23:13

But from that moment, I put a call out to see, to test the waters to see if it really was the thing. And so I put one message out to one of the communities I'm in and I've said hey guys, I've had this idea. You've all seen what I've been through. I've dared to share. Is anyone else up to the challenge to help me build this movement? Because I want to change the online space. And I kid you not, I was inundated with incredible industry leaders saying Claire, this is amazing, I want to be a part of this. And it started on Instagram for 30 days. In June. I was joined by 30 different leaders who all came on my Instagram live and dared to share, and from there we took it to YouTube. There we took it to a summit and now it's an ongoing YouTube podcast show. Who knows what will be next for it, but it's the bravest of the brave stages that I have.

Karen Sarmento:

24:13

That is so amazing. I love that and to see leaders coming forward in that space, because we're so used to seeing the sanitized version of everybody. Everybody's perfect, they're beautiful, their relationships are all perfect and we're all real people with issues and challenges and mistakes, and it's just so. I don't know what the word is I'm looking for, maybe empowering to see your work and to see other people come forward and make it okay to not be perfect.

Clare Garner:

24:50

It's inspiring, right For me. You know every person that comes on the Dare to Share Challenge. I'm inspired by them because they're people that previously I would have pedestalled and now they're paying me to come on my stage and to share in a very uncomfortable manner, I add. But it's because of the movement, it's because of what it stands for, it's because of the change that I'm making and the fact that they want to be a part of that. Every time I have a guest, it just fills my heart because I know the change that I'm making in the world. But but, like you said, karen, you know the empowerment, the inspiration of watching anyone that you look up to daring to share something that they've never shared before, something that is more vulnerable than they've ever shared before. It's it's eye opening and it's empowering in the biggest kind of way.

Karen Sarmento:

25:52

Incredibly and to see that if she can do that Exactly, that means it's possible Exactly and that make having a past or mistakes or a story doesn't disqualify you from doing amazing things Absolutely.

Clare Garner:

26:12

It qualifies you, it built you, it shaped you, it is your certification.

Karen Sarmento:

26:19

It truly is your past. I mean, what once made you feel small is really your superpower, absolutely Like. It doesn't disqualify you right. It actually qualifies you because you're most qualified to help the person you used to be Exactly. Where can people find you, or could people participate in this Dare to Share challenge?

Clare Garner:

26:41

Yeah, absolutely so. I like to hang out on Instagram. It's probably my preferred platform. So at Claire Garner Official. So at the moment, the moment, the dead share challenge, you can pop me a dm and you can book to come on that stage.

Karen Sarmento:

26:56

Well, that stage, that's the youtube podcast.

Clare Garner:

26:59

I also have my next summit coming up, which is the stage of legends. That's going to be in March and that is already booking out for speakers. So if anyone wants to join a stage of TEDx speakers, authors, self-made millionaires and they want to showcase their own real and raw leadership, that's an incredible summit to be a part of. And, yeah, that's what's going on in my world at the moment.

Karen Sarmento:

27:23

I love it so, so much. Is there anything about you or your work or your story that I haven't asked about, that you would like to share, or any words of wisdom for the audience?

Clare Garner:

27:37

No, I don't think so. I think the only thing that I would say is what I say you know to everyone in my world, and that is that vulnerability is your superpower, and the more you share, the more you show, and the more you speak your truth, the more you connect with your people, the more they see your human behind their perception, and that is the most empowering thing that you can ever give them Beautiful words.

Karen Sarmento:

28:09

Thank you so much for sharing all of this with the audience. It's powerful work. I keep thinking, while it's so much freedom and being your authentic self absolutely. Claire, thank you so much for being here today. Really, really appreciate it. You're most welcome.

Clare Garner:

28:25

Thank you for having me oh, our pleasure.

Karen Sarmento:

28:28

and thank you to the audience for being here for another episode of we Are Meant for More. I'll see you next time. Remember, whatever challenges you're facing or have faced in the past, they don't define you. You are worthy, capable and destined for greatness. Let's embrace the whispers of possibility together, because together we rise and we are meant for more.

Clare Garner:

29:07

This was a 6-2 Studio production. Find us at six-two.studio for all your creative sound needs.