Courageous Retirement: Answer God's Call to MORE!

34. God’s Grace in Dementia: A Caregiver’s Perspective

• Vona Johnson • Season 2 • Episode 34

Share episode

Living with or caring for someone with dementia is one of life’s hardest journeys—but also one filled with moments of unexpected grace. In this episode of 'Courageous Retirement,' host Vona Johnson sits down with chaplain Ben Boland to share stories of faith, love, and loss after both recently walking with their fathers through dementia.

Together, they discuss:
✅ Recognizing early signs of dementia
✅ Finding peace and strength as a caregiver
✅ Why Christians view suffering, life, and death differently than the world
✅ The comfort of knowing our value is in God, not our abilities

Whether you are caregiving, grieving, or walking alongside someone with dementia, this heartfelt conversation offers encouragement and hope.

00:00 Introduction to Dementia 
00:18 Meet the Guest: Ben Boland 
00:48 Courageous Retirement Podcast 
01:04 Personal Stories and Experiences 
02:03 Challenges Faced by Dementia Patients 
05:31 Recognizing Early Signs of Dementia 
11:38 The Importance of Family Support 
15:28 Self-Care for Caregivers 
18:08 Ben Boland's Journey 
19:25 Bible College Beginnings 
20:07 Passion for Elderly Care 
20:26 Finding Resources and Connections 
21:09 The Christian Perspective on Euthanasia 
25:58 Faith and Dementia 
29:26 Personal Reflections on Faith 
30:30 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections 
34:45 A Personal Loss and Reflection 
35:51 The Purpose of Prayer 
38:29 Final Thoughts on Dementia and Faith

📌 Subscribe for more episodes of Courageous Retirement and discover how to finish well and live your MORE with God at the center.

#DementiaCare #FaithInDementia #courageousretirement 

Quotes from the show: 
 "We are created by God, and  wherever we are alive, we are called to be valued there." Ben Boland

 "Becoming a Christian is not simply a cognitive  exercise. It's a work of God, and spirit speaks to spirit, and God saves people  living with dementia and...
Praise the Lord!" Ben Boland

" People living with dementia  are loved by God  and we are called to love them too."  Ben Boland 

Scripture: 
Always be joyful. Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

Connect with Ben: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rev-ben-boland-b4572a108

Order Ben's book titled 'Priceless People: Loving Older People and People Living with Dementia' 
https://amzn.to/3JUZW4p

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text message!

Thank you for stopping by today! Remember to Engage Your Faith and Live Your More as you reap the benefits of Courageous Retirement!

To watch the video, check out my YouTube Channel!

Learn more about the show, author Vona Johnson, and more at vonajohnson.com!

Schedule a free 15 minute Your Path to More call with Vona.

Join ClubMore @ clubmore.live

Vona Johnson:

There are an estimated 55 million people throughout the world that have dementia as of 2020. That number continues to climb. It's also estimated that. 50% of the population, 85 and older will experience some form of dementia. This is a big thing today. My special guest, Ben Boland, who is a chaplain that works with elders, joins me and we're gonna talk specifically about dementia. Now, this is not a scientific conversation. This is a heartfelt conversation about two adults who have experienced dementia firsthand with someone that they love. It's real, it's raw and it's an important conversation to have. I hope you'll join us.

Speaker:

Do you fear? What lies beyond retirement? What if it's a gateway to a life filled with purpose, meaning, and adventure rather than an end? Discover peace and fulfillment as you boldly enter this new chapter in Courageous Retirement, a Christian podcast. I'm your host, author, and coach VNA Johnson. Let's get started.

Vona Johnson:

Today we have a really special episode of Courageous Retirement. We wanna talk about something that is hard to talk about and that is dementia, and we'll probably focus almost more on the end stage of dementia, just because that's very close to the path that both Ben and I are on. As you will note, as soon as he starts speaking, he is not from, from America. We're just really excited to have you here with us today. I appreciate the work that you do. And had I not been on the journey that I've been on these last couple of years, I don't know I ever appreciated how important this work is, so let's talk about dementia, but let's talk about it from a Christian's perspective of dementia, because there are all kinds of crazy ideas out there on how we should be responding to this, what's becoming to be a very common occurrence in our world today.

Ben Boland:

Yeah, dementia's a huge occurrence. Not only in the western world, but right across the planet. The largest population of people living with dementia today is in Asia. Oh, it's, so, it's both my life and v's. Life very deeply in terms of our fathers. But it's a huge issue in the, in the Australian context, in the UK context, dementia is the biggest killer of women. So it's a huge issue and one I fear as a Christian that the church often neglects and forgets

Vona Johnson:

well. And it's easy to do because once that individual gets more advanced in their dementia, they're not in the pew every Sunday because they, you know, unless they've got someone to bring them there, they aren't gonna be able to get there on their own. And so it's, it's kind of almost that out of sight, out of mind context. Is it not?

Ben Boland:

Very much so. My dad has been at the same church for longer than I've been alive, so 47 years or something. Mm-hmm. Um, served on almost every role other than the singing team preaching eldership, et cetera, et cetera. But I was there last weekend seeing mom. My dad's just died. Just for context for listeners. And was doing some training at that church around dementia, and the minister kept referring to him by his long form name as opposed to what everybody knew about as Bob because the minister's been there for two years, but he really not met dad.

Vona Johnson:

Yeah.

Ben Boland:

And if you've got advanced dementia, you are very, very unlikely to be attending a local church. Travel. Attention span, cognition issues, confidence issues are going to make attending a normal church, almost impossible.

Vona Johnson:

Yeah, it's interesting you bring that up because I was visiting with a family member. My father is I think in your terminology reading through your book is it actively dying? Is that. A terminology. He's, he's at the point where, you know, of course we don't know when he will go home to Jesus, but we know just based on certain things that are happening in his life that it's, it's very near. And talking to a family member, they were like, so what church will you, will you hold the services in? And I said, I plan to do that in my church. Only because the church that he attended previously, there's a different minister there who had never had never seen him. Mm-hmm. And at least he had attended my church with me for a year or two before he wasn't able to attend anymore. And that pastor still sees him fairly regularly. And that, you know, that's my community and I probably, honestly, I'm going to need that community more than dad is at that point.

Ben Boland:

Yeah. And I'm really excited that your pastor has been seeing your dad. Yeah. And engaging with him.

Vona Johnson:

Yeah. Yeah. So let's, I mean, boy did we just jump right in? We went straight to the, the, the heart of it. Um, and there are more things that I would like to explore there, but let's talk let's back it up a ways and, and talk about those. Those more early stages when we maybe start noticing the symptoms in our, you know, our parents, our neighbors you know, whoever it is in our life.

Ben Boland:

What

Vona Johnson:

kind, pardon me.

Ben Boland:

Even ourselves.

Vona Johnson:

Well, yes. Yes. What kinds of things. Should we be watching for? What kinds of conversations should we be having to prepare for that possible eventuality?

Ben Boland:

In terms of recognizing dementia, perhaps the starting point is to recognize that it's not just a memory disease. Dementia is a, a range of different diseases that affect the mind. So it affects all kinds of things that are affected by the moment. Spatial awareness. So for dad, one of the early signs was that dad, who, Bob, who never got lost ever Yeah. Suddenly got lost. Now I can get lost in a wet paper bag. So if, if I suddenly got lost, it wouldn't be a sign of dementia because I've always got lost. Um. Dad who was an engineer, maths started to be getting problematic. So it can be those things. Personality changes. It can be memory loss, but we need to remember that some level of cognitively slowing is normal for aging, but dementia is not. And part of it in terms of diagnosis is being good about seeing the doctor. Um, and catching up with him regular

Vona Johnson:

and, and being honest when you are with the doctor, right?

Ben Boland:

Yeah. Oh yeah. But I'm fine. I have no problems at all.

Vona Johnson:

My, my dad literally, I such a joy, you know, even at this very end stage. You know, I can ask him. Do you need anything? I'm fine. I'm fine. Do you have any pain? I'm good. Don't worry about it. You know, he just doesn't wanna bother anybody and it's like, it you, it's okay. It's okay not to be okay. I've literally said that to him, but he just he. He's a person that knows so many people, but early on he would not be able to retain names. Mm-hmm. And so, so everyone was partner buddy, you know, usually it was partner or with kids it would be you are the boss or, I mean, he just, you know, he was always just had some sort of name and for me. You know, of course after we knew that, that he, he, he was already in the memory unit at the home, but one of the most difficult days was the day. And we literally were on our way home from church and he was in the back seat and my husband and I were visiting in the front seat. It was only, you know, just a short ride. And pretty soon he said, ma'am, ma'am. That got me, that got me. And you know, he hasn't called me by name since I know that he knows me, but that, that took a little getting used to. In fact, I don't think he knows, I don't think he knows who I am or how I fit into the picture of his life. He knows that I'm important. He knows that I care for him and, and do the things for him. Yeah. I don't know if he thinks I'm a sister. I mean, I, how do we know

Ben Boland:

Significant female?

Vona Johnson:

Yeah. Right.

Ben Boland:

Yeah.

Vona Johnson:

Right, right. Which is okay. Okay.

Ben Boland:

It's hard, but it's like,

Vona Johnson:

yes, I, and it's not as hard as it once was. I think it's like anything in our life, you know, we, we see these things and we think, you know, oh, that's so hard, or isn't that difficult? And. You know, even years ago you know, this is telling on myself, but years ago I was a, a young college student that had a child out of wedlock. And I, I remember people saying to me, oh, that had to have been so hard. How did you do it? And my response was. I, I didn't even think about it. I just did what I had to do, and that's kind of where I'm at in this stage in life. It's, it's not, I mean, some days are hard, but most days are just what I have to do, and I think it's, I, as a Christian, I think it's easier to accept this whole process because I trust the Lord. I know that God knows where God, I know that that dad is going to heaven mm-hmm. That he knows Jesus Christ and accepted him. And so I don't have to have that fear of what, what's next for him. And, and I can trust that what will happen is exactly what is intended to happen. And it may not be about Dad at all. It may not be about me at all. It may be about. The nurse that just came in to give him his meds and the way he responds to her, right? Yeah.

Ben Boland:

Yeah. Well, the way you respond and the nurse seeing your love for your dad.

Vona Johnson:

Tell me one of the things that I find interesting, maybe, or, or maybe a little troubling, is people that I hear. And, and even the staff at, at the home that dad's in, you know, they're, they're just, they thank me all the time because I'm very active in his life and I, you know, they need something and I, I'll go get it then, you know, or, or whatever. Mm-hmm. And they've commented that there are family members for other residents that they never see, that never, you know, they've just kind of walked away and, and I've heard people say, well, it doesn't matter. They don't remember if you're there anyway. How do you respond to that?

Ben Boland:

Yes. It's very much an issue in Australia too.

Vona Johnson:

Yeah.

Ben Boland:

Situation a number of years ago working in the dementia unit and I saw a younger lady, she's probably in the sixties and said, good morning, I haven't seen you. I'm Ben, the chaplain, rah rah. And she said, oh, yes. Well, I'm here to pack up mom's room. Oh, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry, I haven't had a chance to meet you. Oh, I haven't been here for two, three years because mom didn't know who I was. And I'm like, now in the moment mom's not there, so my job is to care for her. So it's not a time to respond as I would perhaps choose to respond. Yeah, and, and it, and it is hard. It can be overwhelming and sandwich generation, young kids trying to hold down a job. All of those things can add to the complexity, and I don't want to underplay that, but when I, when I'm training people, when I'm talking to churches, I say, well, when there's a new grandchild in the family, does the grandchild know anybody's names the baby? Oh, does it recognize you? No. No. Does it do anything other than scream, sleep and make smells? No. Uh, but how many people wanna come and see the baby? Oh, but how come if the baby's important, we don't care about grandpa. And as Christians particularly, yeah, I think we need to remember and apply our theology that all people are created by God. In God's image and so loved that Jesus died for them. Yeah. Why are we going to see the baby? Why are we going to see grandpa? Because they're people, because we're called to love them and he may be unhappy tomorrow, but we care because we are called to love and they're people. Whether that recognizes or not, we only visit because we get something out of the engagement and often we do, including with people with advanced dementia. It is not simply a one way street, but if we only go because of it's affirming for us, then why are we going again? Yeah,

Vona Johnson:

yeah. You're reminding me early on. When dad was still actively, out in the community and things like that. He, when his wife was still alive, you know, they complimented each other really well. She physically was ailing, you know, his mind was failing. So they, they, they really, they worked. But when there were times when she wasn't home and wasn't able to be there, I spent more time driving over, checking on him, making sure he was okay and things. And there were times and it was like, just, I have things I need to do. I don't want to do this. But I knew that I had to and. I can't think of one time that I, I actually even got to the point where I just prayed. It was like, Lord, just show me the blessing. Show, you know, go there with me, show me the blessing while I'm there. And he did every single time I walked out of there, having had some of the most beautiful conversations that, that we've had. So yeah, we, you're right. We need to not make it about ourselves and, and we need to look for that blessing because they're there. They're there.

Ben Boland:

Yep. Very much so.

Vona Johnson:

Yeah. Yeah. One of the things that I also wanted to talk about, and I'm really noticing this about myself in particular, and in conversations I've had with others, you know, there's, it's almost like this extended grieving process. You know, we get, we get to the point where we know what's coming. So we're, we're grieving our losses. We're, you know, the, the, we don't spend the time the way that we used to, things like that. And, uh. I laughed when I realized the other day that I am my father's daughter. And, you know, I would ask him how he was. I'm fine. I'm okay. And I found myself saying the same thing to people when they would ask how I'm doing. Oh, I'm fine. I'm, I'm okay. Of course. And I've really had to just stop and give myself some grace. Mm-hmm. I'm, I'm not saying I'm great near as often as I usually do. And I'm, I'm just giving myself that permission to say, you know, I, I'm, I'm doing okay you know, or whatever. But then I'm also giving myself permission on those harder days to maybe just. Take it easy and not do anything. At the end of the day, you know, where I might would normally tackle a task or something like that, I'll, I'll go for a walk or read a book or do something. Just more self care than I might would normally do.

Ben Boland:

Yeah, and I think we all do that, I mean, Jesus good if we don't right. Takes himself off into the wilderness. He goes away from the crowds, he who was before all and is the Lord of all. Fully, God says, yep, I need to take a breather now. Need to take a break. As he prepares for Gethsemane, he goes to the ground garden and spends time praying and says, mates, can you pray for me? Now, the mates failed dreadfully, but he needs to take time. Praying he needed to take time out in, in caring for ourselves is critical. The old line that, yeah, you're on a flight and the oxygen mask comes down, you've gotta put it on first so you can help the person next to you up line. Dementia is terminal, but it is not quickly terminal, generally. Right. Um, so it's, it's the marathon. You don't go at the marathon, like you go at a hundred meter sprint. You've gotta pace yourself.

Vona Johnson:

You know, we, I, we kind of just jumped right into the conversation and I think that now might be a good time to just pause and talk about who Ben Bolen is and, and what you do and why, why are we listening to this guy from Australia

Ben Boland:

talking about, just about look, a great accent. He

Vona Johnson:

does. I love it, but yeah. Tell how did you get into the work that you're doing? You've just published a book. Bravo. Um, that's, that's amazing. Congratulations. Yes, thank you. We will put a link to that in the show notes as well. Um, yeah, tell us a little bit about Ben.

Ben Boland:

Bit about Ben. Um, in, there's lots to tell about Ben, but in terms of the aged care stuff. I started regularly visiting a nursing home care home when I was about 10 or 11. My great-grandmother was there and it was sort of three blocks down the road and we, me and my siblings, it's not just the Ben show would visit there on the way to the school bus, to the bus stop. So I'm an odd person in that. I've spent a lot of time with older people, with people who've got some cognitive impairment in dementia. Over a long time. In my first year at Bible college, we went as part of a bi college mission to a Presbyterian nursing home. And I was gobsmacked that some of the other people in the team found it really uncomfortable. And I'm like, it's just, it, it's, it's normal, isn't it? So yeah, post Bible college I started working as a student minister or catechist. Um, and then became chaplain. And I've been full-time in this space for 15 plus years now across three states here in Australia. And there's been some study along the line there too, and some advocacy, speaking, writing, and most recently the book. So my, my passion there is, is not simply caring for older people and people living with dementia. About encouraging and equipping the church to do that well.

Vona Johnson:

So if someone was like, oh. I need to know more about this. How would they find you?

Ben Boland:

Yeah. Well, they can listen to me today on courageous requirement and hope that I don't sound too crummy. Uh, I think you said you put the link to the book below and that's available in the US and in fact globally. But on LinkedIn is probably the best spot to find me in terms of internet ness. Just because these links to podcasts I've done. Writing stuff, articles I've written, blah, blah, blah. So that'll give them a chance to dig into some stuff, and I'd love for them to reach out and talk to me.

Vona Johnson:

Awesome. And I'll put that link in as well. I, we could do all the, the medias, but I think we can overwhelm people with links. So I think that that's perfect. We'll get that linked in one, in, in the, the show notes as well. So one of the things that I really wanted to cover today. It's a big one because I think it's what really sets those of us who are Christians apart from the rest of the world that, and maybe I shouldn't even say that because maybe there are Christians that, that believe this as well. But literally I was having a conversation recently and I was talking about a really bad day. That dad was having. And the response was, I don't know why we make them suffer like that. Why can't we just do something about that? And I know that that's a fairly prevalent thought. Let's just, ah,

Ben Boland:

yeah.

Vona Johnson:

I can't even think of a nice way to say

Ben Boland:

kill them. Um, yeah. I'm real enough to call a state stay. Yeah. Yeah, and globally it is becoming much more common. In Queensland where I'm based, voluntary assisted dying is now very much legal. And we've got people like Peter Singer who's I think now at one of the American universities, but an Australian by birth who's advocating euthanasia for people living with dementia because, well, once you lose your cognition, you lose being a person. And I don't wanna underplay how hard dementia can be. I don't wanna play the Pollyanna card. But I also think it's critical that as Christians we say, well, what does the Bible say? And the Bible says that we are not simply minds which happen to have a body indeed. The Bible speaks of eternity and a good heaven. Eternity in that sense as a bodily experience. It's not spirits in the clouds with harps which is really good because I can't play the harp um, but bodily, which might be

Vona Johnson:

run.

Ben Boland:

Thank you. I'll skip on that. I don't think that would be heaven for anybody. But we are created by God. Wherever we are alive, we are called to be valued there. And even in death, we care for the body as a form of respect and we look forward to a bodily resurrection. Yes, I know Christians who wonder about dementia diminishing people. To the point, and dementia can diminish someone's abilities, but with due respects, I'm not as fast as I was at 30 either. Life is about change, but our value isn't our function. Our value isn't our pain, even. We are people. We bear God's image. We are called to respond appropriately to that. If I've got a sick animal, I, I have had euthanized and I've euthanized my animals. It's not a fun job, but I do that without any hesitation. But biblically, one of the big implications of the Imago dei, the image of God is thou shall not murder. Either others or ourselves in terms of suicide. Because we are separate to creation, we are part of creation, but we are not simply dogs or cats or horses. Blessings, though those animals are.

Vona Johnson:

Well, and again, I think I, I, I think that that's a beautiful explanation and I, and I agree wholeheartedly, and I also believe that in today's world, people don't have to suffer the way. That we used to, I mean, we have, we have all kinds of drugs that can take away the anxiety and the pain and the, I mean, all the things. So there, I mean, kindness is helping to keep them comfortable. I, I believe that, you know, we, as long as we are still breathing, God has a purpose for us. We may not be able to witness in so many words, but just our, if my dad can't witness maybe my conversations with the staff is witnessing to a staff who has never met Jesus before. I mean, we don't know when our opportunities come and, and what people take home from those conversations. So yeah. Yeah. Again,

Ben Boland:

we've just buried dad in two days after dad died, we had one of the staff from the nursing home reach out to my sister to say so how can I find out more about being a Christian and what that means? Yeah. Yeah. Praise the Lord, make the wins. And, and I would, considering we're talking dementia, it's important to note that lots of people living with dementia come to faith. Becoming a Christian is not simply a cognitive exercise. It's a work of God, and spirit speaks to spirit, and God saves people living with dementia and. Praise the Lord.

Vona Johnson:

Well, and that's an excellent point because our faith is nothing that we do. Mm-hmm. It's the Holy Spirit that does it in us, and, and you know, it's, that's one of the beautiful things about Dad and I don't know that I qualified, you know, it's like I've talked about him. I mean, literally, I don't know. He's actively towards the end of his life, I don't know how much longer he'll be here. And you know, I mean, we could hang up. Right now, and I might get the phone call. I don't know. And it, it doesn't matter. That's not relevant. What's relevant is the fact that he is a child of God and what, what I love about my dad is at, at a very, at. Young, much younger age. He, at one time, he went to a, a revival, a tent revival, out in the middle of nowhere and found Jesus, he and his mother when he was 13, I believe. Isn't that cool? Um, and, and decided that he wanted to be a minister and actually went several states away. You know, he didn't have a vehicle, so he hitchhiked back and forth, and I don't know how much seminary he got, but he didn't finish. But the fact that he went told me that, you know, he, there was, there was some stirring in his heart, right? You don't just do that. And then, and then he lived a life that wouldn't demonstrate that. I mean, people that just looked at the outside would say, you know, that man doesn't know Christ. Nobody gets to decide that. But in his old later years, his faith became very important to him again. And I just remember that even in his. Advanced stages of dementia when his wife passed away. And it was a very confusing time for him. He would say, you know, well, where, where is she? We need to go see her. And, and that reminds me, I'm, this is my own personal opinion. I'm not an expert, but my advice to people is if you have someone who dies. That has a loved one with dementia. I really encourage there be, if it's an older person, that there be a casket involved, because I think dad never recognized the funeral because he never saw her, he never saw a casket, he never saw, there was no closure in that. And at his age that was, you know, that was the norm. I just felt like I, I think he just never realized that. He's like, yeah, she's gone. When are we gonna do this? And I would say, you know, we, we had the funeral. You were there. And, and she's with Jesus now. And every time I would say, she's with Jesus. Now she's in heaven. However, I would respond in that conversation and we had it many times. Every single time he would finish with, that's the only thing that matters. He didn't, he didn't know. He didn't, you know, he knew, he still knows his name, but he, he didn't know he had forgotten most of what he ever knew in his life, but he knew that mattered. That's huge. Yeah.

Ben Boland:

Yeah. It, it's colossally huge. And look, one of the questions I get asked semi regularly is, well, what happens if I, or if my dad forgets Jesus? And the answer I give is, sorry. Is Christianity about you remembering Jesus? Do you remember Jesus all the time? No. Remembering you? Oh yeah, I think it's probably about him. Well, do you think he's gonna forget you? Do you? Is he gonna forget my dad because I forget Jesus? Um, I don't live a perfect life. Our faith is on. Him remembering us. The classic book by John Swinton, living in the Memories of God is a beautiful description of part of not simply dementia journey, but the Christian journey.

Vona Johnson:

I'll have to find That sounds like an interesting book.

Ben Boland:

Uh, John is the, the preeminent image of theologian.

Vona Johnson:

Okay, wonderful. So. As we wrap this conversation up, and it's been a beautiful conversation and it's really been a blessing to me at this time. I really appreciate you taking the time. Is what would be one thing if, if the listeners walked away from, from this conversation, if they could remember one thing, if you'd want them to remember one thing, what would that be?

Ben Boland:

To remember that people living with dementia. Are loved by God and we are called to love them too.

Vona Johnson:

You know, that's, that's really beautiful. And it's reminded me. That one of the things that I, I wanted to talk about, I didn't write it down and I didn't remember it until just now. It's my show. I can do it in whatever order I want to. Right. I could maybe even change the order, who knows? But one of the things that I have struggled with in, in my, my relationship with Dad is. You know how, how we talk about this end of life stuff with someone with advanced stages, because, you know, you don't, you don't say, remember this, you don't, you don't want them. You know that, that's hard.

Ben Boland:

Yeah. And when I have,

Vona Johnson:

when I have brought up, you know, the heaven and, and that it might be getting, he gets. Oh, no. I mean, he is like, Uhuh, I'm not, I'm not going anywhere. So, um, I just, do you have any advice for, for having those kinds of conversations or do you just let it go and just be in the moment and trust that it's okay?

Ben Boland:

Perhaps all of the above. We, we do trust that it's okay. We trust that God doesn't need me. He doesn't need you. Uh, he knows your dad. He knows my dad. So there is some level of trust. There is some level of just role with punches and role with the day, and often with particularly advanced dementia, responding to the emotion is often more important than responding necessarily to the literal words. So powerful. And perhaps given what you've said about your dad and for his wife's funeral, I'd be focusing more on, isn't it wonderful that, sorry, wife's name, which I've forgotten.

Vona Johnson:

I don't think I ever mentioned it. Her name was Erin.

Ben Boland:

Erin. Um, but isn't it wonderful that Erin is with her Lord? No more pain, no more suffering. Um, yeah. And let him affirm that. Yeah. That's the only thing that's important.

Vona Johnson:

Good point. I love that. I love that. This is wonderful. Well, Ben, we are there. We have used up the time that we set aside for this conversation, and I'm just so grateful to you for, for taking the time and sitting down and having, having this conversation with, with me and with the listeners of Courageous Retirement. It's a big part of all of our lives. It doesn't seem like it's anything retirement, but obviously as we get closer to. Retirement age, we, we will deal with this more and more, whether it's with someone we love or as you so graciously reminded me ourselves, and I think it's something we need to, to, to be aware of, that it's, it's there, it's real and it's not going away.

Ben Boland:

And it, and it can be a good reminder to us that our value isn't, our functionality, isn't our memory, isn't our ability to to do anything. Our value is beyond that, and I think that's a really important lesson for us, whether you are two or 22 or 102 that's, that's critical. Absolutely. Been such a lovely privilege to talk to you, Vona thank you.

This episode was recorded just under a month ago, four days after the recording with Ben, my father did pass away. And so of course, a lot has happened for me in this last month and I really questioned whether it would be too soon to release this episode on dementia. But I have realized, just in this last month that there are really many beautiful things. That I have been able to experience, part of which was being able to be with my father the last several hours of his life and praying over him and reading scripture over him and just celebrating, his life. What a, what a beautiful celebration we had. And I found that to be so uplifting. I actually talked about that some in, my last episode of Courageous Retirement. As you know, if you've listened to the show very often, I have been making a concerted effort to tie all my episodes, except for the last one because I just was in a hurry. But I've been making a concerted effort to tie them all to somehow, to my book A Different View. And this week I want to tie it to chapter 20, the Purpose of Prayer. The excerpt from, the book this time. Is one of my favorite verses of the Bible is always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Jesus Christ. That's from one Thessalonians five 16 through 18. Once you live in God's will, you can always be joyful regardless of the circumstances. You can give things in everything, even the things that go wrong. Or seem to be bad on the surface, there is always something to be grateful for. At the very least, you can give thanks for God's presence in the times of trouble. When you pray without ceasing, you will see life from a different view. And boy has he shown me that these last weeks, months even. Of course I didn't know this morning when I got up. What verse I was gonna tie this to. And God in the way that he almost always does for me, has pointed me to the verse that I wanted to share in my devotion. And again, that's out of the portals of prayer from, from my church. And it again, it pointed to First Thessalonians, uh, five 18, where it says, give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ for you. Now I am going to read to you some of the, the devotion today because it was just, it just really struck me. And, um, again, God's timing is always perfect in some circumstances, such as when we suffer or when we grieve, we can hardly fathom how to give thanks. Yet we trust that God's will for us is good. We might give thanks for eternal gifts, his loving kindness for salvation for his word. Perhaps we will thank him for loved ones. We could thank him for our daily bread, food on the table, roof over our head, a shirt on our back, or maybe we will give thanks for the mercy in the moment. Breathing, taking the next step. Getting through the hour, praying with Thanksgiving can open our eyes to the many ways that the Lord is at hand giving care for us. By the grace of the Holy Spirit, peace and joy can take root in our hearts as we rest in Him. And then the short prayer, there is, Lord, by your Holy Spirit, fill my prayers with thanks to you and my heart with joy in Jesus' name. Amen. I probably will talk about lessons I've learned from my dad along the way. In future episodes, um, I don't intend to dwell on it. Courageous retirement is about so much more, but it really is about trusting God, trusting that Jesus will get us through the difficult times, and he has done that for me. We've suffered much loss in our family, but we know that we know without a doubt that our loved ones are with Jesus because they knew him. I pray that you too know Jesus, and if you don't. And you don't even know where to start. I would love to have that conversation with you. I just wanna thank you for stopping by today. This was an important conversation. It's not perfect. I didn't edit it out to make it glossy and shiny. I just wanted to share a real conversation about what the walk with dementia can look like. It's different for everyone just because my experience or Ben's experience was one way. Doesn't mean that that's the way it will be with your loved one, but hopefully something that we shared will inspire you to just lean in and walk with God and to trust him in that journey. I just wanna thank you for joining me today on Courageous Retirement. Remember, finishing well isn't just about closing one chapter. It's about stepping boldly into the best season. Yet. Until next time, live, the more that God is calling you to in this season.