41. Navigating Grief During the Holidays | Gentle Help When Loss Feels Heavy

Navigating grief during the holidays can feel especially heavy when the world expects joy, celebration, and togetherness.

In this compassionate episode of Courageous Retirement, host Vona Johnson welcomes clinical psychologist and grief educator Dr. Richelle to offer gentle help and practical support for anyone experiencing loss during the holiday season.

Together, they explore how grief is more than the loss of a loved one—it can also stem from changes in health, relationships, identity, purpose, or life transitions common in midlife and retirement. Dr. Richelle explains how unprocessed grief can affect emotional well-being, energy, and relationships, and why acknowledging grief is a vital step toward healing.

This conversation offers practical ways to cope with grief during the holidays, including:

• managing holiday loneliness, 
• setting healthy boundaries, 
• simplifying expectations, and 
• creating meaningful rituals that honor both loss and hope. 

Dr. Richelle emphasizes the importance of giving yourself permission—to feel, to rest, and to approach the holidays honestly and gently.

Drawing from both her professional expertise and personal journey through loss, Dr. Richelle provides reassurance and wisdom for those seeking peace during grief. If you are carrying sorrow into this season, this episode offers understanding, encouragement, and a reminder that you are not alone—and that healing is possible, even during the holidays.

✨ You don’t have to do the holidays the way you always have. You get to do them your way.

Episode Chapters:
00:00 Understanding Holiday Loneliness and Grief
00:19 Introducing Dr. Richelle, Clinical Psychologist & Grief Educator
01:19 What Grief Really Is (More Than Loss)
01:38 Emotional Impact of Grief
05:39 Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors (STERBs)
08:42 Dr. Richelle’s Personal and Professional Journey
19:57 The “Backpack” of Accumulated Loss
23:10 Navigating Grief During the Holidays
24:25 Coping Strategies for the Holiday Season
27:25 Creating Meaningful Rituals
30:34 Giving Yourself Permission to Grieve
34:40 Resources for Grief Recovery
38:55 Grounding Exercise for Holiday Stress
42:22 Final Thoughts and Season Conclusion

Resources:
Learn more about Dr. Richelle’s Grief Recovery Method®, take the What’s Blocking You? Quiz, and explore her books Journey Through Grief and Loss and Abundant Soul  HERE.

Notable Quotes:

“It’s okay to say not this year. It’s okay to say not yet.” — Dr. Richelle

“Give yourself permission to cancel. Give yourself permission to simplify this year. Permission is so powerful because we are judgmental of ourselves.” — Dr. Richelle

“You don’t have to do the holidays—you get to do them honestly.” — Dr. Richelle

Scripture for Reflection:
“The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul…
They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold.

Thank you for stopping by today! Remember to Engage Your Faith and Live Your More as you reap the benefits of Courageous Retirement!

To watch the video, check out my YouTube Channel!

Learn more about the show, author Vona Johnson, and more at vonajohnson.com!

Schedule a free 15 minute Your Path to More call with Vona.

Join ClubMore!

Transcript

0:05

Nearly half of the American population feel lonely or a sense of loss over the holidays. 36 to 40% of them don't even celebrate the holidays because of the grief they're experiencing now. Grief comes in many forms and it's caused by many different things. It's not always the death of a loved one that causes grief. Today I have a very special guest on my show. Dr. Richelle is a clinical psychologist and we are going to take a dive into the conversation about grief. Stick around to the very end where she's gonna give some practical tips on what you can do to head off your grief over the holidays; and truly anytime.

Speaker: 0:41

Do you fear? What lies beyond retirement? What if it's a gateway to a life filled with purpose, meaning, and adventure rather than an end? Discover peace and fulfillment as you boldly enter this new chapter in Courageous Retirement, a Christian podcast. I'm your host, author, and coach Vona Johnson. Let's get started.

Vona Johnson: 1:00

Hey, Richelle, I just wanna thank you so much for joining us today. I think releasing this right before the holidays, is, is no coincidence. I think that this is a message that I believe a lot of people need to hear. We are going to talk about grief and we've, we've been chit-chatting here before I hit record. And something you said is where I really wanna start with this because I feel like we should define grief. It's different for everybody, but I love how you described grief and I wanna start there. We'll come back and fill in some of the gaps about who you are and what you do, but let's start there.

Dr. Richelle: 1:43

Yeah. Grief is the reaction to a loss of any kind. Yes. And it. Involves so many emotions. Um, sometimes very conflicting emotions at the same time. And that happens because we have familiar patterns in our lives. We get used to things being a certain way, and then when they come to an end or something stops them, sometimes abruptly, sometimes gradually, sometimes we've even welcomed them and we chose them. Yes. But there comes a point. When we're in that place of, oh my word, things have changed and I don't feel like this is a world that I understand anymore. My life feels out of sorts. And depending on what the ending is, if it's a person you know, through a death or a relationship. Through divorce or breaking up because any ending of a relationship, again, can bring about a feeling of grief. Or maybe it could be, I know you're in the whole retirement realm. Um, grief happens in retirement because things change is an abrupt change in our day-to-day routines, and our identity is so often tied to what we do and what we get. Acknowledged for and what we get paid for.

Vona Johnson: 3:19

Yes.

Dr. Richelle: 3:19

You know, and, and an ending. And when you've been a mother or a parent for years and now your kids are in their own lives, creating their own traditions, that can bring about a feeling of grief and having a diagnosis, um, of any kind where your body is no longer cooperating and doing what. You want it to do in the way it used to do it. Aging.

Vona Johnson: 3:48

Yep.

Dr. Richelle: 3:49

Can bring about grieving.

Vona Johnson: 3:52

You know, the, another one that you haven't touched on that I think is really huge in our society, and I don't really want to dive too deep on this because, it could be a whole separate conversation. There is a lot of grieving of families who have walked away from relationships, parents whose children don't speak to them anymore. and that is just to me so devastating that our world has become so bifurcated that we can't even just talk it through, because, even with like death, I mean there was a finite end. And you can deal with that, but that not knowing, where they are, if they'll ever be there again. It's kinda like, I've always thought, having a child kidnapped or something like that would be so much worse.

Dr. Richelle: 4:44

Oh yeah.

Vona Johnson: 4:44

Yeah. Grief is huge and I I loved how you said that. It's the broken heart.

Dr. Richelle: 4:50

Yes. Yes. Yeah. And, and I think. So often in life, we, we look at things from a problem perspective, you know, so if, if I have a problem, then the way to approach a problem is to fix it. And we come at that from a cognitive or a mental perspective, is I gotta figure this out. What? I don't know why I am doing this way. What's wrong with me? I need to do this differently. Yes, the reality is grieving. Isn't a broken mind, it's a broken heart, and what a broken heart needs is space to heal. It has a need to be witnessed and to just acknowledge where you are that you're hurting.

Vona Johnson: 5:36

Hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 5:37

There's no bypassing that pain, although we have lots of things we love to do to distract ourselves from that pain. In fact, there is an actual term we call that. It's called sterbs, S-T-E-R-B-S sterb. Short term energy relieving behaviors. Ah, so we have our favorites, right? You know, so, um, Amazon, Amazon, um, Netflix. Um, oh my gosh, this is a time of year where we love food. I mean, when don't we love food? But, um, eating. Yeah. Drinking. Um, you know, you can go down the list of, of some of the, you know, some are funny and some are actually downright scary and, and, and tragic addictions of, you know, using alcohol drugs.

Vona Johnson: 6:31

Shopping.

Dr. Richelle: 6:32

Shopping. Yeah. Otherwise no, as retail therapy, right. So, yeah, it's all the things we do. So think back when we were kids, and I dunno if this ever happened to you, but there there's a classic story of a little girl who, um, you know, she was at the play on the playground at school and, and the girls, they, they rejected her. And so they, they wouldn't let her play with her. And so she was devastated when she got home. She's talking to her mom and she's crying, and she said, yeah, they, you know, they wouldn't let me play at recess. And her mom says, oh, dear, dear, kind of pats her on the head and says, I just made a plate of cookies here. Have a cookie that'll make you feel better.

Vona Johnson: 7:15

Right?

Dr. Richelle: 7:16

You know, and so, and again, well-meaning that's not to, you know, dump on mom, but she's doing what many of us have learned to do when they're, when you're feeling bad, is do something to feel better quick. And so what we do is that in a moment, sure. A, a fresh baked cookie does taste and feel good. Comfort food feels good. You know, looking at Amazon to see what I wanna put into my shopping cart feels good. But when it becomes a substitute for feeling what we feel now, what's happening is what we're pushing down emotions that need to be addressed and they need to be experienced, and they need to be expressed in healthy ways. Because what people believe is that if I just ignore it, it'll go away. But unfortunately, the pain of any grief, your body stores it and it will come out. And oftentimes what people find, it comes out in the least opportune times. So where we kind of lose it. Uh, what do you think road rage is? I mean, more than likely the person who's having road rage, it's, that's just the, the tip off. But there's something brewing underneath and that oftentimes is what we're finding the culture of people who don't know how to grieve, don't know what's healthy to do about their, their feelings attached to a loss.

Vona Johnson: 8:45

Hmm. Yeah, that's good. You know, um, you sent me a, a short bio and normally on the show I don't do a lot of biography stuff, um, because we're just having conversations. Yeah. But I think it's important in this conversation. For people to know that this just isn't a couple of girlfriends sitting around talking about something that, that we care about. So would you just spend a little bit of time talking about your qualifications to be able to talk about this? I think that's really important at this point.

Dr. Richelle: 9:20

Yeah, I'd be happy to. So there's. There's the professional and the personal side to this. So professionally, I've been a clinical psychologist, uh, since 1990. That dates me quite a bit.

Vona Johnson: 9:32

Yeah. This is a retirement show. We're all in the same boat here.

Dr. Richelle: 9:36

There you go. And, um, you know, my, my career's taken me on many pathways, but, um, where I've most recently landed is that I morphed into what I call as an abundant life coach. And it's all about meeting people in their points of transition, navigating a crossroads of sorts. And it could be in any of the things like I mentioned before, you know, losses of all kinds, um, or maybe just opportunities. But who am I now in? What am I here for? And what's next and what does God have for me and who am I here to be? All of those things. So that's, that's what I've been doing for the last, almost nine years now, is helping people navigate and to find out who they are. I mean, it's really identity based so that they can live the abundant life God calls them to, but about, four or five years ago, I was transitioning into doing more grief work and interestingly enough, grief has always been, an area of passion, if that makes sense. It sounds a little strange to say that, but if I could just share a little personal stuff. So, when I was nine years old, my oldest sister, who I adored, I, she was. Like a second mom to me. She died very suddenly. Um, when she contracted spinal meningitis, she had gone into a coma and my parents had to make a decision that was horrendous, which was to remove her from life support. And she, she actually died on Valentine's Day and when I was a fourth grader and. It was probably one of the hardest things I had ever experienced. Of course, at nine you don't really experience a lot of that stuff by that point. And it was a handful of years later that my next oldest sister, her husband, took his own life. Um, he had been, I mean now we can say, looking back,'cause I was a teenager at that point, 15 loved him. He was the brother I never had. Um, but. He had PTSD at a time when they weren't talking about that in the seventies. And he had clinical depression, but both of those early losses really shaped who I became. And I was old before my years, and so clinical psychology was a pathway that opened up. My dad was a social worker and he and I would go on these walks. He would say, you know, you just get life for a teenager. I don't understand how you know this stuff, but you know, when, when you survive some of the most devastating events of life, you realize how tenuous it is. At least I did.

Vona Johnson: 12:24

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 12:25

And so I took it very seriously. But my, my goal became to try to prevent anyone else. From experiencing an untimely death of suicide, which is why I chose the path of clinical psychology. Mm-hmm. Um, so anyway, that, that was part of my story. But grief has been in and out of my life throughout my years and just like anybody else, right? Mm-hmm. You know, there's more than 40 types of losses that a human can experience in their lives, and that would bring about grief and, you know, so I have a cancer story in there. You know, when I was in my forties, I had breast cancer and, um, I lost a sister right after I retired from a, my position just before I started my coaching business, she died of cancer. And then, um, in 2021, when. COVID seemed to be on, on the, you know, finally getting better. Um, both of my parents contracted at the same time. My, my mom died in ICU my dad, three weeks later. He had recovered actually from COVID, but I say he died of a broken heart. We had just celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary just a couple of months before they got sick. And it was in, ironically, at that time. When before I knew I was gonna be facing a, a huge, huge loss of my parents, that I would found myself in a grief educator program.

Vona Johnson: 13:52

Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 13:52

I knew that in this coaching realm, I was encountering so many people that what was holding them back from living abundantly was loss. I realized, and I think a lot of it's because of my clinical background and just how God is used and wired me, um, that I knew that part of helping people to move forward in their lives was to help unhook them from the past through grief. That, that that was what was holding them back. And so after I lost my parents, it was about a year later, I went through, um, this something called the grief recovery method. I encountered it and experienced it for myself to heal I, it was devastating, honestly, to lose both of my parents. I was so very close to them, and it was so unexpected. It happened so quickly. But this grief recovery method was phenomenal, and I went into the training to become a specialist, and since then, it's been my passion and heart to help people get unstuck. From unaddressed grief, whether it's recent or it's long ago, and so much of my work now is in the grief recovery realm, and I call it abundant emotional freedom because if we don't heal from the grief of our losses, it becomes an emotional burden. And so to get free of that, boy, that's, that's where we can then rebuild our lives. And that's what my goal is to help people with.

Vona Johnson: 15:33

So one of the questions that I have is, uh, I mean there's this perce, there's this perception out there that, you know, if we have a loss. You know, let's, let's spend a couple weeks dwell on it, cry your tears, and move on. Yep. And we know that, that, get over it. Yeah. Come, come on. Get, get back to life. Let's do this. Yeah. And that's not how it works. And everybody's path is different. Yeah. But how, what are some of the symptoms? Whether it's we would be evaluating ourself that we realize, oh man, that's why I feel the way I do. Or if it's a loved one that we're seeing, what are some of the symptoms we should be watching for that may, may wanna have us start having some of these conversations or look more into it?

Dr. Richelle: 16:23

Well, I dunno if I would call'em symptoms as much as just we're people. They just lack joy. Yeah. It's like a spark has gone out of life.

Vona Johnson: 16:38

Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 16:38

And, and it can, it can show up in so many ways, but oftentimes people will say, I, I don't know why, but I just can't seem to find a path. I can't figure out what I'm supposed to be doing now. It, it can show up in so many ways in, relationship issues and confidence problems. Just feeling well, I keep using the word stuck because that, that's what I hear so many people say. I just feel so stuck. Yeah. I just don't know how to get my joy. We may not say, how do I get my joy back? Because some, some people haven't, have never really experienced joy, depending on if they have a lot of losses that go back to childhood.

Vona Johnson: 17:21

Well, and I feel like from, from a Christian standpoint, I wanna sit on that for a minute because I had a conversation with a woman, and it's been years ago now, and we were doing a bible study together and she, she made the comment that. People keep telling me that, you know, I just need to get my joy back. And I, she's like, she was like, I just can't. And I said, I wanna beg to differ. I said, you may not be walking around smiling and singing songs all day long, but you are, you're living your life and you're trusting Jesus. And joy is different than happiness. Right. I mean, we can find hope in that knowledge that we will be with that individual again. And I mean, so there's, is it layers of joy or am I just flat wrong?

Dr. Richelle: 18:15

Oh, no, I don't think you're, you're wrong. However, I've been learning more about is there really, what is the difference between happiness and joy? Because I think we have kind of, as believers have said, well. I don't have to be happy.'cause that's based on circumstances and joy is based on, you know, the joy of the Lord. Right. And yet I think both are important because what I've been learning through some of my study is that happiness is God's idea.

Vona Johnson: 18:46

Hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 18:47

And if happiness is his idea, then it's important. And yes, we can have joy, but when we're not happy. It tends to take the color out of life.

Vona Johnson: 19:03

Oh, yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 19:04

And grief does that. And so if someone says that I, you know, I don't have joy, I would wanna just press in a little bit and say, when you had joy, what was different? If they've had it before, they've been able to identify, because that's always a clear sign to say, well, what happened to your joy? When did, when did it disappear? Mm-hmm. What, was there a pivotal moment or did it just gradually seem to get grayer? Because I think of joy as vibrant and colorful. So I can tell you this though, Vona, that a hundred percent of us are grievers. Yeah, we may not be in an active acute phase of grieving, but a hundred percent of us have experienced losses of various kinds, and it goes all the way back to your childhood. And I want you to think about it this way. I don't like when we were born, we were given a

Vona Johnson: 20:06

backpack.

Dr. Richelle: 20:07

As we go through life as a child, you know, all the way up until we turn adult, different things happen along the way that represent the ending of something. So for a little kid it might be, you know, we move to a different house and I have different friends. That could be the first grief somebody encounters. And if it isn't addressed, if it isn't worked through, if the emotions aren't processed on some level, they get converted to either a rock. A pebble or a boulder, depending upon the intensity of that loss, and it gets thrown in the backpack. And then you go through life. And for some people they have traumas. They have true abuse, true terrible things that happen that maybe don't get addressed. And those turn into rocks and they get thrown into your backpack. Or you know, the things that will say, well, yeah, of course you know you're gonna have friends who will bully you. I mean, that's normal. All kids have. But you know what? Every one of those experiences where our hearts are broken, if it doesn't get addressed and healed, it gets converted to a rock. And so what ends up happening is by the time we get to adulthood, some of us, our backpacks are busting open at the seams. And then we go into adulthood and we experience all the stuff. You know, maybe you get into the college of choice or you don't, and you fail out, or your boyfriend breaks up with you or you get pregnant and you didn't plan on it. And you know, just think about all the things, the life choices. And if they don't get healed at the time, we just toss'em in the backpack until we get to a point where it's like the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. And that backpack now takes you under. Now it's time to empty out the backpack and see what's in there.

Vona Johnson: 21:57

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 21:58

Often what I have found with people, joy. Joy was crushed along the way.

Vona Johnson: 22:06

All those rocks. Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 22:10

And it could be a, a recent loss, you know, so a gal that I've worked with who lost a child in a car accident, she was a very strong believer. Very strong believer the loss of her child though led to a crisis of faith and loss of trust in a God that she believed in.

Vona Johnson: 22:34

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 22:35

And for her to move through this grieving, she's had to name all of the losses along the way and to be able to see it wasn't just the loss of her child were, there were many losses before that. That she had ignored. And so as we've emptied out the backpack, she's grieving one by one.

Vona Johnson: 22:59

Wow.

Dr. Richelle: 23:00

And getting lighter and finding purpose. Her joy isn't fully backed, but what I will say is this is she's finding a little bit of hope. It's kind of like the light turns on, you know, it's just the candle in the dark. It's a very dark room, and it's all you need. It's a little bit of candle. Walking through the grieving process with the right tools helps people to find their way back to what is purposeful for them. And it may be very different, it may be very different. You know, we're in the holidays right now.

Vona Johnson: 23:35

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 23:36

And you and I were just talking about recent losses, um, since last Christmas and the holidays. Look and feel different, and we can't do things the way we once did. And we can't expect ourselves to feel the way we once felt during the holidays. And it's okay. It's okay to be where we are,

Vona Johnson: 23:57

so, so what are some things, if there's somebody that's listening to this right now and they're really dreading the holidays, maybe they haven't put a tree up, maybe they, um. You know, aren't making any plans to be with anyone because they just can't bear to, to even think about having a conversation, which actually do it. What are some things that they could do to just help? It's not gonna fix it, but maybe just make it a little lighter. Um, yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 24:30

Well, I think just recognizing that it's different and it's okay to be where you are.

Vona Johnson: 24:37

Hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 24:38

And that in and of itself is a healing balm you can apply to yourself is that I get to do this the way where I'm at. I mean, to just be where I am. Where I am today might be that I can't put up a tree this year. Yeah. I'm not gonna send out a holiday card. I'm not going to bake this year. I'm not gonna host. I may or may not come to your home this year. What I recommend to people as they're facing holidays, because let's face it, holidays in and of themselves are stressful.

Vona Johnson: 25:14

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 25:14

For most of us, even in the

Vona Johnson: 25:16

most joyful time.

Dr. Richelle: 25:18

Yes, I love Christmas, but it can be hard. It's stressful and grieving is stressful.

Vona Johnson: 25:27

Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 25:28

So you combine the two of those together. What do we need to do when we're in a place of major stress is we need. To give ourselves space to feel what we feel and to do what we need to do to take care of ourselves in those moments. So I always like to recommend to people, especially when it's around gatherings, because I think there's often the expectation, and in fact, you know, if you're a griever, somebody might say to you, well, you are not gonna be alone. You will be with us. And they're saying it because they're uncomfortable with your grieving. Okay? Mm-hmm. What we can say is, you know, thank you for being concerned about me, but this is what I'm comfortable doing this year and have a plan A and a plan B. You could the plan A could be, listen, I'll make a plan to come, but I may not stay as long. I might make an appearance and I may leave after 15, 20 minutes. I may make that plan. And plan B is I can't leave my house that day and I'm gonna throw in a frozen pizza. Just having a plan B for, for many people, they're able to do plan A'cause they know what they're gonna do. If Plan A just doesn't feel right.

Vona Johnson: 26:46

Hmm,

Dr. Richelle: 26:47

interesting. Give yourself that freedom to be where you are. There is no timeline for grieving. There is no one right way to do it. Yeah, the right way is what you need. You need to feel your feelings. And what I know is that feelings aren't permanent. You're not always gonna feel this way. So you might say, I'm not doing Christmas this year. Guess what? Holidays come around another year, you know, 12 months from now we'll be here again. It's okay to say not this year. It's, it's okay to say not yet. Yet is a powerful word to say. I, you know, it might be a few years. I don't know what it's gonna look like, but what I do like to encourage people to think about is what is a ritual that will bring you some peace? Mm-hmm. Now, one of the things that you and I were chatting about, I think before we got on the call was, um. So people don't wanna mention the name of a loved one, right? It's so, it's like, I'm afraid I'm gonna trigger your sadness if I, you know, say his name. The reality is most of us want our loved ones to be mentioned and be remembered. And there's something beautiful when someone says that. So let me just give you an example. Um, my, my closest friend's husband died. Very suddenly the day after Thanksgiving this year, and it's just been a whirlwind of, you know, she's suddenly a widow and they had plans and you know, in fact, you know, he, he had even purchased the stuff to make the, you know, what is that checks mix. He just said, I've got these big boxes of cereal, what I gonna do with them? You know, she doesn't wanna make it. So anyway, what I've been. As her friend walking with her through this, I have really encouraged her to say, look, what do you want to do? Not what do you think you're supposed to do? Yeah, you don't have to do this perfect. You don't have to do this for anyone. Let everyone do their own grief their way. But what do you need? And so and so this is what she did. She called up a neighbor who had already offered, if there's anything I can do to help you, let me know. She calls up her neighbor and says, I've got three big boxes of checks mix. My husband was going to make checks mix. I don't wanna make it. Would you be willing, I've got his recipe. Would you be willing to make it and then just share some of it with me? You keep the rest, but share some with me. She says, I know that will mean something to my family to have that

Vona Johnson: 29:29

show. That's very cool. And so as, as we, um, when the show releases, I'm a little behind schedule. We talked about that too. And, and about the fact that it's okay to alter our plans. So dad died in August and this week. We will, he will be celebrating his first birthday in heaven. And I wanna celebrate that and, and part of this conversation is helping me do that. But what it's also doing is helping me realize that I have people in my life that need to hear this conversation. And so I'm going to challenge those of you who are listening right now to jot down some names of some people. Who might need to hear this conversation, and I'm gonna challenge you to give yourself permission to let them do the holidays the way that they need to this year.

Dr. Richelle: 30:36

Could I add to that a little bit?

Vona Johnson: 30:38

Of

Dr. Richelle: 30:38

course. This is gonna sound pretty extreme, but I think give yourself permission to cancel.

Vona Johnson: 30:48

Yeah,

Dr. Richelle: 30:49

give yourself permission to simplify this. Permission is so powerful because we are judgemental of ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves with our expectations, you know, and just as my friends said, well, I, I know my, my kids and my brothers, and they're all expecting, and it's like, it's not your job. To fix their grief. Your job is to take care of your own and to say what you have capacity for right now. Yeah, they were all ready to pull up the Christmas decorations. In fact, you know, in between the death of her husband and the funeral, which was a week later, her brothers had said, let us bring up the Christmas decorations. And she said, no, no, I don't know what I wanna do, but it's not happening before this funeral. So what. After the funeral, she asked them to bring only up her Christmas tree and decorations and she said, I don't want any help because this is what Mike and I did together and I wanna look at every ornament and I wanna cry and I wanna, you know, I wanna talk to him as I'm doing these things because this is for her, the ritual that has meaning to her. And that's what I wanna say about ritual. Is that as you're coming upon your, you know, the, your dad's first birthday in heaven, think about how do you wanna honor that. For some, it's to say, let's have a, you know, you gather your family, let's just have a moment of silence. Or maybe it's like, let's just have a time of just remembering and say his name and what's a favorite memory you've. This may, you may never have another celebration like this again or another honoring or memorial, how you wanna define that for yourself. But this year gets to be what will be meaningful and compassionate for yourself.

Vona Johnson: 32:56

Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 32:57

Let yourself.

Vona Johnson: 32:59

It matters. I love that term of just give yourself permission. It's okay to do it differently than the world expects us to do it.

Dr. Richelle: 33:08

Absolutely.

Vona Johnson: 33:10

And isn't that, you know, I, I, I feel like that's just a microcosm of the world today. We, we don't, we don't give our self permission to do the things we really want to do.

Dr. Richelle: 33:21

We don't. And if I could add to that permission, it's one other word. It's trust. Trust your choices. You know, people will say, is anyone else feeling this way? You know, oftentimes we're looking for validation. Am I crazy here?'cause so often my friend has said several times, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Vona Johnson: 33:44

Hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 33:45

I'm not remembering things. You know, I don't know how to do stuff. And I said, your brain, your body is grieving. This is foreign territory. And give yourself the space. And listen. You may not be in, in the throes of early loss. It may have happened years ago, and here we are in the holidays and it's all as if it just happened. That loss just happened. Let's remember. The holidays are, they are, can be triggers of memories, very powerful memories, and it can become very powerful, very real, very painful again. And that's why we need to give ourself permission to say, this is what I have capacity for this year. Yeah, no more, no less.

Vona Johnson: 34:38

Yeah. I, I just really, really love that. So. So, um. If there's someone listening and they're like, wow, wow, Dr. Richelle really hit it for me. I, I had no idea. I really need to talk to her. Or Do you have more resources? Or whatever. How, how can they find you? I know that you have a new book out that I think sounds like a wonderful resource. So tell us, tell us about some of those things, please.

Dr. Richelle: 35:06

Yeah. Um, so the, the first thing that I wrote was a little booklet I have actually shared with you. Um, yes. Hope,

Vona Johnson: 35:16

and I have it over by my Bible, so I don't have it right here to hand. Okay. So, but,

Dr. Richelle: 35:20

but it, it, it's, yeah, there you go. Journey through Grief and Loss, which really captures the story of my life, but more importantly, how I found hope and what's brought. It's helped me to rebuild my life after loss and, you know, a life of purpose and meaning, which is what my mission is for other people. Um, in that I also introduce people to what I do, which is the grief recovery method, and it is a step-by-step process that literally walks people through a guided eight week program. Of recovering from grief. It's not therapy, actually call it an educational program, but it is highly therapeutic and I've been doing this now for, um, two and a half years and I have never experienced something that's so life transforming for people as what I call abundant emotional freedom. It's using the grief recovery method. So, um, if you or someone you know is. Walking through a time of loss of any kind. Again, it's not just death, it's more than 40 kinds of losses in life. Um, they can connect with me through my website, um, and it's dr Richelle.com and my name is spelled R-I-C-H-E-L-L-E. I was supposed to be a Richard. They quickly changed me to Richelle. So it's D-R-R-I-C-H-E-L-L-E com. Um. And on there, I, you know, I have many ways to connect with me, but, um, there's a little quiz you can take, what's blocking your abundant life. Um, just a little quiz. That's a good place to help you see where you are. And if you'd like to connect after that, we'll have a conversation and just see if where you are is what I can help you with. Um, that's my greatest joy. And then the book that I just released, um, is a full book, um, called Abundance Soul. Daily meditations for a flourishing life. And, um, you can find that also on my website. Um, but uh, that is really about, again, a process that I've been learning, teaching, living is how do we care for our souls? Because I believe that the path to abundant life is. Caring for your soul, and as women in particular, we tend to be much better at caring for others and putting ourselves last. Jesus really actually has flipped that on its head and says, Uhuh care for your soul because loving your neighbor comes after you love yourself. And, and we source that love, obviously, from God and not from the world.

Vona Johnson: 38:10

So I'm gonna pop in here because my first podcast was called Reviving the Soul, and, and it was based on Psalm 19: 7-10. The law of the Lord is perfect. Reviving the soul, the decrees of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise, the simple, the commandments of the Lord are right, bringing joy to the heart. The commandments of the Lord are clear. Giving insight to life, reverence for the Lord is pure lasting forever. The laws of the Lord are true. Each one is fair. They are more desirable. They are more desirable than gold, even the finest gold. Beautiful. I love that. Those verses just,

Dr. Richelle: 38:55

yes. Psalm 19: 7-10?

Vona Johnson: 38:58

Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Richelle: 39:00

Before we end, I have a little gift I'd like to share for your listeners and, and it's just a short grounding exercise that I would like to offer. It takes just about a minute. Okay. But I really believe that this will be something they can take with them and we can all use it as we're going into the holidays right now. So take a moment to pause if it feels comfortable. You'll see what I do. I place my hand over my heart, take a short breath in, and a short breath out. Again, breathe in and out. Now quietly name what's true for you today. You don't need the right words. One feeling is enough and ask yourself, what do I need most this holiday season? Let whatever comes up be okay. Now say this to yourself. Silently or even out loud. Grief has no timeline. I'm not behind. I'm meeting this season as honestly as I can think of one small act of kindness you can offer yourself. Maybe resting more, saying no. Leaving early or creating a quiet moment of remembrance. Take one more slow breath. And remember, you don't have to do the holidays, right, you get to do them honestly.

Vona Johnson: 41:11

That is so, so beautiful. Thank you. Yes. And that's a perfect way to end this conversation, my friend. It is. It is so wonderful to reconnect with you.

Dr. Richelle: 41:24

Yes, I've loved it. This has been a great conversation, Vona and thank you for the work you're doing in the

Vona Johnson: 41:29

world. Wow. It's interesting how many parallels there really are. Uh, between the work we're doing and it's also interesting that, that we really got connected as, I mean, just before you lost your parents and I was. Right there in that group. Yes. As you were walking through that. So, um, God is so good and he just brings us people in our lives. Um, so I think, you know, my last word of advice is to always be looking for those people that God had brought to you because they're there for a reason. Amen. So, any last thoughts before you say goodbye?

Dr. Richelle: 42:11

Be good to yourself.

Vona Johnson: 42:13

Hmm.

Dr. Richelle: 42:13

And I say that to you because you are also carrying the weight of loss like most of us are.

Vona Johnson: 42:21

Sister. So anyway, thank you my friend. This has been so lovely.

Dr. Richelle: 42:25

Yes. I loved it. Thank you.

42:27

Wasn't that just really interesting? I just wanna thank Dr. Michelle for coming today. That was really helpful for me as an individual and I pray that it is helpful for you as well. If you know someone who may be experiencing grief or just even sadness or loneliness, I encourage you to share this with them This concludes season two of Courageous Retirement. Come back in two weeks. On January 1st. We are gonna kick off season three right here at Courageous Retirement. So have a blessed holiday season thank you. God bless.